A Statement on Social Media

There is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, and that is give a position and my personal guidelines for participating in social media outlets.  Recently, I read two Christian articles on this subject - one from a Coptic Orthodox bishop and the other from a Seventh-Day Baptist minister - and it got me thinking that maybe I need to work on something like that too.  So, this will be my attempt at creating a personal manifesto that gives my own position on utilizing social media.

Social media is a relatively new phenomenon, being less than 12 years since it really caught on.  Back around 2005 or so, I began to hear a lot about this thing called "MySpace," but personally I never got involved in it.  Up to that point, most social interaction for me was on message boards of different groups I was involved in, as I am sure it was for many.  I have personally been involved on social media for about 9 years as of this writing, having gotten my initiation into it via a site called Bebo.com, which at the time was a more cerebral alternative to MySpace (I'm curious - does MySpace even exist anymore???).  I first set up a Bebo page back around March of 2006, and for about 3 years it was my primary social media involvement until a dear friend of mine sent me this invite in late 2008 to sign up with something new called Facebook.  Facebook, the creation of a whiz-kid by the name of Mark Zuckerberg, was not quite as well-known back then, as the MySpace frenzy was still the thing, but I thought at the time, "what the heck" and joined up on it.  And, almost on a daily basis now, I visit Facebook, and have for about the past seven years.  There are many advantages to tools such as Facebook, as long as the users keep in mind that these things are just tools, and not something your life should revolve around.  Facebook, despite its attributes, can suck people into it and it can become an obsessive thing, so we need to be careful about that.  Later on, I am going to talk more about that aspect.

As mentioned, Facebook has its virtues, and one of those is the ability to reconnect with distant relatives, old school friends, and old co-workers you may have had from years past.  It is also a great place to exchange information too - if you want good recipes, old photos, genealogical material, etc., Facebook can prove to be a valuable resource.  Of the now 708 "friends" I have on Facebook as a matter of fact, approximately 40% are relatives (I have a lot of cousins on both sides of my family, and almost all of them have Facebook accounts now!), while another 20% are old college and high school classmates and co-workers, and the remaining 40% are people who I have made friends with who have common interests - music, politics, religion, etc.   So, as far as networking is concerned, it is fantastic.  Also, there is now a service called SocialBook which will actually print your Facebook content in a bound volume, something I plan on doing for posterity-sake later.  However, with these positives are also negatives, and let me briefly touch on those.

One thing about Facebook is that almost anyone can "friend" you (given your permission of course) and a lot of times weirdos try to "friend" you with ulterior motives - it is not uncommon, as a matter of fact, for pages to be "hacked" by weirdos and privacy compromised.  Another negative is the fact that everyone has opinions, and at times people don't agree on certain things and it can cause fights to erupt - this is true especially in the past 8 years or so, when so many political and social issues are out there.  I have been in more than one "cyber-war" and have experienced a lot of "defriending" from people in regard to that.  I try now personally not to get into those scuffles if possible, although at times trouble can find you even when you are not looking for it because, especially in specified "groups" or on specific "pages" promoting something, there are people who do what is called "trolling," and they thrive on instigating fights and causing problems.  "Trolling" in essence is a type of harassment in which a person called a "troll" targets a site they don't like, and they find ways to constantly comment negatively and cause trouble.  There are ways for dealing with "trolls," and we'll also get into that later.  Bottom line though is this - be selective about what you post, and don't necessarily advertise every detail of your personal life.   I want to quote something from Coptic Bishop Yusef about this, as he has some good wisdom especially in regard to minors participating on Facebook groups, etc.  Bishop Yusef says that "A parent does not give a child car keys until they are of age to and have the skills to drive.  A parent does not allow their children to take the car unless they know where they are driving to and from.  A partent does not allow the child to drive if they are unsafe, lie about where they are going or have been.  A parent does not allow a child to drive with speeding tickets or upon the discovery of its inappropriate use.  This is termed parental responsibility.  Is it any less for things such as Facebook?  Know what your adolescent or young adult are thinking and saying."  (Bishop Yusef, "Facebook: Fun or Fateful?" in The Saint Anthony Messenger, Vol 25, Issue 6, June 2015.  p. 8).   In a similar vein, Seventh-Day Baptist pastor Scot Hausrath writes "When it comes to utilizing social media, not only is wisdom key, but so is self-discipline.  One of the biggest challenges I have regarding Facebook, for example, it to realize that there is a time to access it.  For example, when I'm writing a sermon, lesson, article, etc., I need to focus my thoughts on that one project.  Checking my FB news feed at that time is more of a distraction than a blessing. It's a very tempting thing to do, because I love hearing what's going on in my friends' lives, so I need self-discipline to keep my thoughts focused on the task at hand.  Social media are amazing tools, and they have revolutionized our everyday lives.  Let's just make sure that it's a revolution of enhancement, not a revolution of distraction."  (Scott Hausrath, "Devotional - Sharing the Journey with You" in The Sabbath Recorder, vol. 237, No. 6, June 2015.  P. 13).  Both of these Christian leaders, from radically different church traditions, are telling us something about using social media - do it responsibly, and don't let it sidetrack us from what we need to be doing.  And, both of these quoted articles inspired me to talk about a few of my own guidelines I have come up with.

1.  When on Facebook, Know Your Security.  Facebook allows for security settings to monitor who sees what on your page, and in doing so, you can be selective about content.  In my case, only a handful of my closest FB "friends" can see everything I post, and no one who is not a "friend" can gain access to the content on my personal page.  There is a "Settings" bar on your FB page you can use to set up these boundaries, and it will be a valuable asset to get to know the "Settings" feature.

2. You Don't Have to See What All Your Friends Are Doing Either!  The more "friends" you get on a site like Facebook, the more you are going to see what they post, as you will see everything that all your friends do unless you take an important step.  On each of your "friends'" pages, there is an opt-out feature to where you can "Unfollow" their posts and you therefore will not see them in your newsfeeds.  If you wish to limit what you see, that is the way to do it.  I maybe actually "follow" less than 10% of my total "friends" list on Facebook personally, thanks to discovering that feature.  And, most of them will be none the wiser about it, so no harm done - you are not saying you don't want to be friends with them, but rather that you don't need to know all their activities.  Recently, one of our relatives on Facebook - this particular relative is one of those people who thinks they know everything and should control everybody, the type of person I really cannot stand personally - lambasted my wife for supposedly "overposting" on her own Facebook page.  If the relative would have taken the time to explore their own Facebook page, they could have just simply "unfollowed" my wife and not have to look at the posts on the newsfeed.  That being said, let me say this - your personal Facebook page is your page, and you can post whatever you want, however much you want, whenever you want, and that is your freedom.  I of course don't necessarily want to see it, nor do I have to, but I don't have to get nasty about it either.  A simple "Unfollow" solves the problem peacefully.  Perhaps if said relative would learn to shut up and take that into consideration, it could save that person a lot of trouble.

3.  Fights Are Unnecessary and CAN Be Avoided!  I want to spend a little time talking about social media etiquette, as some people need a lesson in it.  There are a few things to address, and we'll start with those:

a. Don't pick fights on people's personal Facebook pages!  I view my own Facebook page as an extension of my house, and when someone comes onto my page and deliberately tries to pick a fight over something they don't like that I posted, that is the same to me as disrespecting me in my own living room, and it won't be tolerated.  In "groups" and "pages" on Facebook, that is another thing, because those are public forums, but even then I feel best to try to avoid conflict if all possible, even when every fiber of my being is wanting to say something.   Therefore, when on Facebook, exercise some common courtesy please - what people post on their personal pages is their business, and if you don't like it, you have your own page to vent that dislike, so don't pick fights on someone else's turf.

b.  If someone is becoming really beligerent, you are well within your rights to "block" them.  There are some people who get a joy our of picking fights with people they disagree with, and then beating the issue to death by constantly posting negative crap, even personal attacks against the person they disagree with.  If that becomes a problem, there is a "Block" feature you can utilize to stop them from seeing your posts or responding to them.  This is especially true in groups or what are called "Public Pages," where people often can soapbox.  If you are one of those people who has the propensity to cause trouble and pick fights, rant on your own FB page and don't ruin discussions for other people in the group.  Fights are disrespectful as well to page administrators, and when you are trash-talking someone you disagree with on one of those pages, you are disrespecting your host.  In other words, you need to learn some manners and get over yourself.

c. If someone comments on your page and you feel that the comment is inappropriate or inflammatory, you reserve the right to remove it.  This goes back to "a" above - people who are trying to either bait you or even disagree with something you say, even if they are close friends, need to respect the fact that this page is yours, and if they disagree, they have their own page to voice that.  If you feel a comment is inappropriate, you can and do have a right to remove it at your discretion.  Your personal Facebook page is like your "house," and you have the perogative to set your own "house rules" which people visiting your page have to respect.  If they don't they should be deleted.


These are just a few basic rules I have for my own Facebook participation, and if you do likewise, you will have a more pleasant social media experience.  The same could also apply to other social media outlets, such as this Twitter thing (which I still don't understand!).  On a professional site such as LinkedIn, it is even more important to maintain strict standards, because potential employers and other business people utilize LinkedIn and get a first impression from your profile on there.  Another thing I want to mention in relation to all this too is a simple one - when posting on Facebook, be careful how much personal information you divulge.  For instance, if you have 6 bowel movements a day, you do not have an obligation to describe each in vivid detail as some do, and your "friends" don't really want to see that stuff either.  However, there is nothing one can do about what one posts on one's personal page, because again that is their domain, and they can write or post what they want.  However, if you don't want to see that stuff on someone else's page, you can "unfollow" either the friend or the post, depending on which is more practical, so that is up to your discretion.

I hope this will help with your own Facebook experience to make it more pleasant, and as you have different experiences unique to your own situation, you may even have other (and maybe better!) standards than these, and make sure you are clear about those to any of your social media "friends" and followers.  Take care until our next visit!