On Where My Catholic Identity Goes From Here, My Connection to Armenians, and More

 This is a bit of a follow-up to my last post as there are a few things I want to sort out before moving forward.  I am in the process of drafting a letter of direction to my former parish priest, Fr. Grassi, because I value his input as a true man of God.  There is a lot here to sort out, so I will just dive into it. 

To begin, let me talk a bit about my Catholic faith.  I say up-front that I am Catholic until the day I die, but it comes with some boundaries now too.  What I am about to say about myself is not going to go over well with either mainstream and more liberal Catholics, or with the trads either, because I have some things I differ on with both of those extremes.  I guess the biggest thing is to define who I am as a Catholic, and then try to plot a course forward (the spoiler - as I am writing this, I already have a plan, so we're good, but you just need to hear it).  As I mentioned some time back, I am a Vicentian Catholic in the truest sense in that I am pretty much inclusive of all Christian tradition that is rooted in Apostolic faith - this means that when I say "Catholic," I mean anyone who holds the historic and traditional Catholic faith over the ages, and it is not consigned to just churches who see the Vatican as their leadership - in recent decades I would argue that there are good Catholics who are still faithful to the true faith despite some of the stupidity that comes from the Vatican and from many robed bureaucrats with the titles of "Bishop" or "Cardinal."  Many people I would mention as rightly being called Catholic are not in communion with Rome - the Orthodox, the Oriental Churches (including the Assyrians), the more conservative Old Catholic jurisdictions, the SSPX and the sedevacantists, the Polish National Catholics, traditional Anglicans, and even a few Evangelicals in the East in particular who have still maintained the traditions of their people (groups like the Armenian Evangelicals; the Mar Thoma, St. Thomas Evangelical, and Believers Eastern Churches in India; Coptic Evangelicals in Egypt; some Assyrian Evangelicals, and groups such as the Eastern-Rite Lutherans, the Georgian Baptists, and others).  Those Evangelical groups don't have the fullness of Apostolicity, but they do participate in it on a certain level.  There are other groups within the Roman fold though I believe that fully embody Catholic faith - parishes such as my old home parish in Charles Town, WV for instance, as well as the Eastern-rite Churches, which thankfully for the most part have been largely immune to the BS the Vatican and some liberal Roman Catholics push.   Likewise, I would like to distinguish who I also call Christian, because I believe a large number of Evangelicals are also my brothers and sisters in Christ, and to that degree they participate to a limited degree as well in the true Catholic faith although neither they nor some Catholics would admit that.  Because I have highlighted groups who are fairly conservative and traditional and I have an ecumenical sentiment with them, I would be chastised by those James Martin and Cardinal Cupich types.  Also, because I believe Protestants - in particular good Evangelical and Pentecostal Protestants - to be fellow Christians, then some self-professed Trads would not be happy with me either.  However, in all honesty, I have grown too old to care about what they think, because I know from whence I speak too.  I was a former Evangelical Protestant, and as such I knew I was a Christian and served Christ, but I also knew a dimension to my sincere faith was lacking and discovered it when I decided to embrace the true Catholic faith.   However, despite the Trads and other converts who have a narrower view about who or what should be called "Christian," I also did not come to faith like some of them did either.  I have told the story of my Convergence Movement participation in the mid-1990s, but there is another dimension to my actual faith I need to share to clear up where I stand too.  For my TLM friends, this is going to make their heads explode, but equally it will rattle the feathers of some former Fundies I knew too in the Protestant traditions.   Again, I don't care, because what I am about to share is what really shaped my spirituality and faith, and I am more Catholic today because of it. 

For most of my Christian life, and practically all my Catholic journey, I didn't get a lot of influence from Roman Catholic writers.  There are many I have read, and I also did have some good professors at Steubenville that enriched me deeply, but they more or less provided the undergirding to convictions I already had shaped over many years.  Even back in my Protestant days, I had a deep and endearing connection to the Christian East - it started when I was in high school with learning about the Byzantine Empire, and it grew later as I became acquainted with a number of very amazing Middle Eastern Christian communities such as the Armenians, Assyrians, Maronites, Copts, and others.  While I am not 100% Eastern Christian myself, my influences lean that direction and have for decades now.  In my Catholic part of my Christian walk, the parishes I went to where I was primarily the happiest were Byzantine and Maronite congregations, and one of my earliest spiritual mentors was the late Fr. Eusebius Stephanou, who was an early Orthodox participant in Charismatic Renewal and he is the primary individual who introduced me to the richness of Patristic writings.  I also owe much to other Eastern Christians, including Fr. Qasha Klutz of the Assyrian Church, with whom I had a very long friendship until his passing last year.  Then there is also the late Dr. Krikor Haleblian, who although an Armenian Pentecostal pastor and professor at Fuller Seminary, was a mentor to me as well about Armenian liturgical and spiritual practices.  Dr. Haleblian's book, The Armenian Church in Context, was something I received from him personally as an autographed gift, and I still use it to this day.  People like Fr. Klutz, Fr. Eusebius, and Dr. Haleblian helped me to understand what it meant to be an Eastern Christian, and also how to integrate some of those Eastern Christian elements into my own faith, which I have done.  I don't rule out the West either though, as I mentioned many great professors at Steubenville (I give particular mention here to Dr. Bergsma, Dr. Crosby, Dr. Regis Martin, Dr. Scott Hahn, and Dr. Mark Miravalle), as well as one of the best Anglican bishops I have ever met, my former diocesan Archbishop Mark Haverland of the Anglican Catholic Church.  And of course, I cannot leave out Fr. Timothy Grassi, my very wonderful former parish priest who really went above and beyond with helping me.  Along the way as well, there were even a few decent Evangelicals that merit consideration, as they are the ones who taught my about intercultural relations (thanks Baba Rodney White), common-sense living out one's faith ( I owe that one to the late Rev. Olen Phillips, who also I was blessed to be led to Christ by and was baptized, and also Rev. Clarence S. Pansler, who had a realistic way of living out a true Christian life).  These are all people that have personally impacted the person I became as a Catholic Christian, and they also shaped much of my own faith in ways they never imagined.  Like a good recipe for a stew, each of them contributed an ingredient or two into my own "recipe" of faith, and integrating that helped me in so many ways.  That is why they are my personal "hall of heroes" as they and some others I forgot to mention were catalytic in the development of my personal faith.   However, there has been the opposition too, so let's briefly deal with them.

I have been in the ring so to speak combatting a diverse group of adversaries - over-zealous Trad Catholics, mouthy Fundamentalists and Pentecostals, rabidly leftist Liberation theologians, lukewarm Catholics who have a skewered view of the authority of the Papacy, and a few very staunch Orthodox Christians.  While a handful of these people later became good friends and we respect each other today, in the perpetual battlefield known as social media I have had to block people who just got obnoxious.  One, a Pentecostal fundamentalist in Florida named Karen, once threatened my job for calling her out on some racist nonsense she posted on her personal page.  Another, a young, stupid, and impulsive Trad Catholic, threatened a sort of apocalyptic violence against me - he told me essentially when I called him out on his attitude that he "would meet me on the field of battle during World War III and introduce me to the Final Judge."  And then there are the liberals - they hate people like me.  The conservative Christians - Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox - are mostly decent and the more obnoxious among them are a small minority.  However, in recent weeks two things have happened at once that brought some of what is being called the "Woke Right" out of the woodwork.  The first was talk surrounding Dolly Parton's death, and the second is the rise of a young group of hotheaded dumbasses calling themselves "Orthobros" who are feigning conversion to the Orthodox Church but do not reflect Orthodox Christianity in any way (these are not the same class of converts like Fr. Peter Gillquist, who was part of the Evangelical Orthodox movement in the 1970s and 1980s and eventually was received into full communion - he and his group were decent guys who had a wealth of good material that helped me.  These so-called "Orthobros" are much like some of the Mad-Trads among TLM Catholics, and have a similar mentality).  I am now going to take these one at a time and give my thoughts on them.

First, regarding Dolly Parton's death, I must say for the most part many were positive about her and genuinely liked her.  Liking and respecting someone though and agreeing with everything they might believe are not the same thing, and they should not be conflated.  Dolly, like all of us, was a fallible human being who made mistakes, but she had a quality many people lack - she was real, and that is why she garnered a lot of respect.  This is especially true among people in my native Appalachian region, because Dolly was a daughter of the mountains and we understood who she was and where she came from.  That being said, there have been some idiots posing as "Christians" who decided to take a big ol' figurative dump on poor Dolly's grave before her remains even chilled, and I found that astounding - you don't disrespect the dead, even when you don't like them. It is rude, and in poor taste, especially if they recently passed and haven't even had formal funerary rites yet.  A former professor of mine who is a great guy, Dr. Alan Harrelson  was the one who shed light on these jackasses, and he pointed out two very prominent ones.  The first is a Fundie Baptist named Spencer Smith, who more or less said Dolly was consigned to hell because she didn't have the same cookie-cutter faith he does, and the way he acted was appalling.  This is not the first time Fundie Baptists have done dumb things though - remember Kent Hovind, Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church, the Duggars, etc.?  Bottom line is that these are the wrong people to be attacking someone, as they have enough dung in their own potato patch to smell up an Iowa cornfield.  Dr. Harrelson, with his endearing Southern drawl and his direct way of saying things plainly, told Spencer Smith what he could do with his "judgment:"  basically, he told them to shove it up their backsides, and I agree 100%.   The second guy was a big letdown, and that was Ken Ham.  While admittedly Ken Ham has done some good work with Creationism, and I have even used his material at times, I also see him now in the same light as his now-disgraced Fundie Baptist buddy Kent Hovind - he called Dolly basically demon-possessed, and then said she "enriched" herself with Dollywood (ironic, since Ken Ham basically opened his own theme park called the Ark Encounter that rivals in scale to Jim and Tammy Bakker's old Heritage USA scheme - what is with these Fundies and money-making schemes??).  Dr. Harrelson made an excellent point that I have been saying for years, and it is this - he noted that people like Ken Ham idolize their own interpretation of Scripture over actual Scripture, and that their interpretation even overshadows Christ's love for mankind and desire for all humanity to be saved.  I will even take Dr. Harrelson's very astute point further and say that Ken Ham and others like him love to codify their own variation of what I call the "tradition of anti-tradition," and by conflating the Holy Tradition of the Church with Jesus's admonition against "traditions of men," they create their own.  And, as Dr. Harrelson (who also recently converted to the Catholic faith too) also correctly noted, it is a form of idolatry because for all their cries of Sola Scriptura, they don't really have a high view of actual Scripture - instead, they idolize their own opinions about Scripture, which often entails a lot of twisted stuff.  However, I have another serious issue with Ken Ham that goes beyond this discussion.  Many of us who are Catholics are Young-Earth Creationists, and although the Catholic Church itself has no official position on origins (they say study the views essentially to be informed about them in Papal documents) it is also not discouraged officially, although Darwinian-derived theistic evolution tends to taint the more bureaucratic of Popes and Cardinals due to influences such as Teilhard de Chardin.  However, instead of seeing good Catholic Creationists such as John Wynne and Hugh Owen of the Kolbe Center as valuable resources, Ham and his ilk let their anti-Catholicism taint their judgments, and therefore Catholic Creationists often have to operate independently of the more Evangelical-heavy Creationist networks, despite having the same convictions.  This has been influential in steering me away from relying on Ken Ham's materials - I still utilize some good Protestant Creationists' works, such as those of Henry Morris, but when they invite scandal like Kent Hovind or act like pompous self-righteous jackasses like Ken Ham, they don't merit my support at that point.  Thanks to my good friend Hugh Owen, a lot of my own studies on origins go back to the Patristic writings and other documents to shape my own perspective, and Hugh has been a huge blessing over the years with supplying materials to me.  If you want a good Catholic Creationist study as a matter of fact, I would highly recommend Foundations Restored, because it is a rich reservoir of sound Catholic teaching on origins, and Hugh played a big part in its production.  If you are interested, check out the website at www.foundationsrestored.com.  The Kolbe Center as well has a lot of good resources as well too, and you can check them out at www.kolbecenter.org.  That way, you can steer away from the anti-Catholic BS of people like Ken Ham, and you can receive sound teaching on origins from good Catholic sources.  As a proponent of Intelligent Design as well, I recommend the premiere group for that called the Discovery Institute, and you can access them at www.discovery.org.  DI also has some good online courses available as well, and a lot of Catholics work with them as they have a much more ecumenical scope.  Any rate, I got off-track there a bit about that, so let's regain our bearings and move on.  However, in concluding this particular part of the discussion, I think some people would be better if they just shut up, particularly when disrespecting the dead like Dolly Parton - my goodness, let her at least be buried first before you start attacking her, fools!  I think that sums up my sentiments on that, so there is more to talk about. 

So, I went down that rabbit trail to come back to the discussion, and the subtexts here were relevant to the discussion as I am in a place in life where I am not going to necessarily hold everything like your typical Roman Catholic does - while the theology is not a question, some social and ecclesiological things are, and those are what I oppose.  As a young man in Bible college years ago, I fell in love with Armenians and Assyrians, and always felt a vocation to work with them in some way - that is one reason my major and concentration were Missions when I was an undergrad.  However, the unfortunate thing about Evangelical Bible college Missions programs in the 1990s when I was an undergrad was that students were indoctrinated to "convert" people in distant lands to a cookie-cutter version of themselves, and that never sat well with me.  A lot of that was fueled by another man-made tradition of Evangelicals - anti-Catholicism.  However, it was not confined to just Roman Catholics, oh no - a good "on-fire" Pentecostal missionary had to go after the Orthodox, the Anglicans, the Lutherans, and - I kid you not on this! - even the Amish and Mennonites, whom many of them considered their so-called spiritual forebears!  In other words, basically these American Protestants saw themselves as the true manifestation of Biblical Christianity, and they were taught that anyone else (especially ancient Churches who predated them by centuries) was seen as "heathen" and "unsaved."  I was the odd man out then too, because I always thought it was stupid to convert other Christians - I mean, it is one thing if you want to evangelize pagan tribes or Muslims, but other Christians??  In cultivating close and warm relationships with a lot of Armenians, Assyrians, Maronites, Copts, Ethiopians, Syriac Indians, and others over the years, as well as a lot of ethnic Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox communities, I saw Christ in many of these people, and they probably had their spiritual affairs more together than the idiot young Bible college "missionaries" did.   So, the rhetoric at a Pentecostal university then frankly offended me because I knew better in all honesty, and when I had a forum to do so, I openly challenged that mentality.   One time for instance, I refused to participate in the semester Missions Convention because I witnessed a stupid display of my classmates in one of their "presentations" marching around with signs on stage like deranged Price is Right girls that labeled Byzantine-rite Catholics and others as "lost people groups," and what is funnier is that those idiots probably didn't even know what the hell a Byzantine Catholic even was!  While I am proud of obtaining my undergrad degree 30 years ago, if I could go back in time I would have chosen a different school and would have become a Catholic Christian of some sort sooner.  It was an education regardless, in more ways than one, and today I still keep in touch with many of those classmates - very few of them are in the actual mission field, and that is a good thing.  One, who was the de-facto head of our Intercultural Ministries team, ended up teaching salsa dancing with her husband where she lives - she was a nice kid, but I don't think she ever really comprehended what true intercultural communication was.  I think of all of our group then, I may possibly be the only one who has been engaged interculturally with others - I taught at a high school that was 100% minority students, and spent a large part of my adult life being in relationships with ethnic parishes that I was even actively involved in ministry in.  And, God willing, my second long-term teaching assignment is going to be at an Armenian Orthodox parish in DC, and for me that means something.  So again, where is this all going?  Let's see if we can real this big one in.

My identity as a Catholic has been shaped by the whole Church in many aspects - I am pretty much Eastern in much of my mindset now, but do retain some good Latin and Anglican practices too, such as being an adherent of Thomistic philosophy.  But, it was overall the Christian East that shaped the type of Catholic I am, and that is why given the current craziness going on in the Western part of the Church, I think I am opting for the Eastern-rite instead.  While my preference would be a Maronite parish, in Baltimore the sole Eastern-Rite Catholic Church is a Ukrainian parish, St. Michael's, and that is where I am calling home until it's time to move on.  I toyed with the idea of converting to Armenian Apostolic if I get this school position, but probably won't - if anything, if an Armenian Catholic church establishes in the area, I will attend that.  I have a partial Armenian birthright too, so I am at home with them as my people essentially.  My fundamental identity overall is still Catholic, although I am not a fan of either one of our two recent Popes, and I have less love for some of the bishops and even some clergy who openly defy Catholic teaching on fundamental things like human sexuality and even Biblical origins of the universe.  But, I have to remember I am not Catholic because of the Pope, whoever that might be.  The Pope is a man, not a divine being, so his authority over me only goes so far, and I respect it within given boundaries.  Essentially, where the Pope agrees with established doctrine and Tradition, I am in agreement - however where he varies, I actively oppose that.  For instance, I don't think our Cardinals and the Pope should be giving homage to pagan deities like Pachamama (which warrants instant excommunication, by the way) but then they cruelly ostracize faithful Latin Mass groups like the SSPX.  And, with 60% or more of American Catholics denying basic things like the Real Presence and other things, that is not the Catholicism I embrace.  Many visionaries and saints in the Church foretold a schism happening in latter times, and I think we are seeing the initial tremors of that now.  If the Church splits, I will align with the orthodox side of it.  Thankfully though, it seems that the Roman Church crisis is only affecting the Roman Rite, as the Eastern Catholics have tended to bind more strongly to their traditions and have remained generally orthodox in faith and free from the controversies surrounding many Roman dioceses in the US and Europe right now.  Another shining hope is the Third World, as there are more orthodox Roman Catholics in places like Latin America, Africa, and the Philippines.  That is encouraging, and that faithful remnant will be the true Catholic faith when that schism comes.  It will be a smaller Church, as the late Pope Benedict XVI noted, but it will be a more faithful Church.  And, with the way things are going - the Archdiocese of Baltimore is a microcosm of the greater issue, and in Baltimore proper the Catholic establishment is decaying - this could be a reality sooner than we think or could have guessed even.  But, the type of Catholic I will be is a historical Catholic, with heavy influence from the Christian East.  And, that is why my work with Armenians is important as well. 

Thank you for this long, rambling post and for enduring it with me, and I will see you next time when I have more inspirational thoughts. 

A Nice Reconnection

 I am writing this to share a very nice and unusual experience this weekend, as it was something I feel was defining for me personally.  I want to first give some background on where this happened, then the experience itself, and my own history as to why it is significant.  This is one of those things that in all honesty I cannot explain, but it felt amazing and there was something happening there.  

A few weeks back on a whim during my job search, I decided to do something different.  After looking into a few things, I discovered to my personal joy that there is an Armenian school in Washington, DC, called Shnorhali School, and it is affiliated with a sizeable Armenian Apostolic parish, St. Mary.  A week or two after just submitting an inquiry about whether they may need teachers, the principal - a nice lady named Nunik Nishanian - called me and wanted to schedule a meeting about finding out what role I could take on there.  She told me that their priest, Fr. Hovsep, and his family were visiting Armenia and would be back before the end of August, and therefore the best day to set up something would be on August 30, or yesterday.  So, I made the arrangements, and with Barbara in tow, we made the journey via Uber down there yesterday.  Not knowing the times when everything would be taking place, I more or less decided the best time to leave to go down there was around 7:30 AM, and so we did.  We arrived there at about 8:22 AM, and waited for a short time until a deacon came in and unlocked the church, allowing us to go in.  The deacon, a very friendly guy, told us to essentially just make ourselves comfortable.  At 9:30, the younger kids had instruction in singing Armenian chant with a young subdeacon, and then a prayer service followed by their Badarak (Divine Liturgy) followed, and that was almost 2 hours.  I will have more to say about the liturgy momentarily because that is where a very unique experience happened to me, but after the liturgy, there was a coffee hour where I got to have an informal conversation with Fr. Hovsep - he was a very nice priest, and is currently finishing up a Ph.D. himself at Catholic University of America - and then I got to sit in on the parent orientation for the school there.  After, I talked briefly to the principal, got to peruse the gift shop (where I found an Artsakh flag - I wanted one of those - as well as some Armenian coffee and flavored olive oils), and then we caught our Uber back home to Baltimore.  It ended up being an all-day thing, as we got home yesterday after 3, but it overall was a good experience.  It has been an objective of mine to attend at least one Armenian Badarak, as I already knew the liturgy somewhat and could identify the chant in it by tunes due to a cassette (and later CD) recording of the Komitas Liturgy I received years ago.  The Armenian Badarak is perhaps one of the most beautiful liturgies of the Church - there is a melancholy dimension to it, but it is also very reverent and holy as well.  But, what happened to me during that liturgy yesterday is what was significant, as I have never experienced anything like this before, and I want to talk about it now. 

Although everything in the Badarak was in Armenian except the Epistle reading (which was done by an altar server) and the homily, we had a liturgical text in both Armenian and English so it was easy to follow - knowing the tune to the various chants also helped keep my place too, as I am familiar with how the various parts of it - the Der Voghormia (Lord Have Mercy), the Soorp Troparion (this is the Sanctus in the Roman-rite Mass essentially) and the Hayr Mer (the Armenian "Our Father") are all very familiar to me, and when I hear the tune for the chant (which I believe was composed by Komitas) I know immediately where I am in the liturgy.  And, like the Roman, Byzantine, Maronite, and other historic liturgies of the Church, the Armenian Badarak has essentially the same fundamental elements, although somewhat ordered differently, so as to be consistent with the ancient liturgical form these other historic liturgies are based upon.  This means that despite the language difference, one who participates in these liturgies is still a participant in the "Mass of the Ages" and God's Holy Spirit is still definitely in it, if not more so in the case of what I experienced yesterday.  One very important difference about the Armenian Badarak that most other liturgies (with the exception of the Coptic, Syriac, and Ethiopian liturgies) do not practice is that the participants in the liturgy at the altar - the priest or bishop, deacons, subdeacons, and acolytes - do not wear shoes when they are participating in their functions.  Many have a set of specially-made altar slippers, while others (especially the teenaged acolytes) are in just their socks.  However, at a given moment in the liturgy itself, the priest who is consecrating the elements of the Eucharist must remove his slippers and the ornate miter he wears.  This is a serious connection to the Old Testament practice of removing shoes when on holy ground, and its reverence is actually a profound thing to see.  All of these various elements of yesterday's Badarak set the stage for something profound to happen inside me as I was observing the liturgy.  At a point in the liturgy, the way the priests, deacons, and subdeacons were chanting the Badarak made something deep inside me click, and the English translation I was following in the book literally jumped from the page at me, and the feeling of that was surreal.  I am not sure how to correctly articulate it, but something about that beautiful chant, the translation on the page (and it was liturgical content that I had heard in other forms many times in Masses and liturgies ranging from traditional Anglican to Coptic), and the general connection I have had for four decades with the Armenian people caused something to just sort of snap in place, and it was as if God's presence came to me in a special way.  I have honestly never felt anything like that before, and it was a very beautiful feeling but one I still cannot totally explain - I can explain what happened, but the exact feeling I cannot pinpoint.  I just know that in that liturgy I experienced God in a special way I had never experienced before, and I would love to be able to experience that again in all honesty.  Now, I have had these little supernatural "blips" happen in Masses before.  Not long after my First Communion into the Catholic Church in 2000, as a matter of fact, I was sitting in a Mass at the Cathedral of St. Jude in St. Petersburg, FL, and when Fr. DeJulio who was the celebrant started saying the words of consecration over the Body and Blood, I recall as plain as day seeing a pillar of fire descend over those elements - for me then, it was a teaching moment I believe, showing the exact point bread and wine were transformed into the Body and Blood of Christ.  On another occasion, I attended a Serbian Divine Liturgy (also in St. Pete) and a profound joy came over me there during that liturgy - it moved me to tears.  I later found out that this was described by the Russians as an emotional experience called umilenie, and to describe that it is like a tender, sweet and comforting touch of God's Spirit on someone that goes to the core of their being and pierces any filters or walls the person has.  That was a beautiful experience as well.  A third time something like this happened was just three years ago at St. Mary's Church in Hagerstown.  When Fr. James, the celebrant, was giving the homily, I recall seeing this huge angel standing behind him with its wings outstretched, and what that showed me was that this priest, Fr. James, had a shepherd's heart and God was protecting him.   However, as powerful as all those past things were, what happened in that little Armenian parish yesterday was something completely different, and in order to explore that further, let me recap my own connection to the Armenian people as I believe that has a huge bearing as to why this happened.

The front entrance of St. Mary Armenian Apostolic Church in Washington, DC

The ornate carvings on the front door of the church

The inner sanctuary (note, there is a curtain on the altar that is closed at pivotal parts of the Badarak)

The ornate carved Armenian khatchkar (cross) at the front entrance, which was donated by a generous group of parishioners as noted on the plaque in the back 

In order to understand how I was invited to an Armenian church for a possible teaching opportunity with their school, let me take you back 28 years.  In early 1988, I had become interested in Byzantine history, and in reading about the Byzantine Empire I came across a small nation of people called the Armenians.  The Armenians are the indigenous Indo-European inhabitants of eastern Anatolia and the south Caucasus region, and they are direct descendants of an ancient kingdom called Urartu, which is mentioned in the Bible.  Urartu was a big regional power in its day, and it was noted for having some skirmishes with the Assyrian Empire that lay to its south (the interesting twist is that it would be the descendants of both of these peoples who would become the first nations to convert en masse to Christianity, and they would also share a lot of persecution and atrocities committed against them in centuries to come).  By the time Rome came to be the great imperial power it was, somehow the transition between the ancient Urartians and the modern Armenians happened, and the region has been known as "Armenia" since.  Learning of the unique Christian heritage of the Armenian people, I took a keen interest in them during my junior year of high school, and had amassed a considerable amount of information on them, thanks to a large packet that the Armenian Archdiocese sent me that summer (I still have some of those booklets even today).  When I learned more about what the Turks had done to them over the centuries, I began to take up their cause, and by the time I started college I knew these were the people I needed to foster a vocation to.  This early interest climaxed in 1995, when a trip to California where I actually preached at St. Nareg Church in Montebello, CA, where my dear friend Dr. Krikor Haleblian pastored.  Due to some unforeseen things that happened in subsequent months after that trip, I slowly began to table my interest in Armenians and Assyrians, and while I still advocated for them when I could, I was not as into it as I was in my late teens and early 20s.  However, in 2017 something began to happen which started calling me back to this original love, and it happened ironically in my own family tree.  You see, I come from a line of people who had nobility connections going back over 1500 years, and somehow about 900 years ago some of my ancestors ended up being Crusaders who went to the Holy Land, and one prominent family of them I am connected to is the House of DeLusagnon.  When the DeLusagnons embarked on the Crusades, they forged a bond with some Armenian noble families who had been dispersed by Muslim hordes to areas on the southeast coast of what is today Turkey and extending into northern Lebanon, and with these Armenian noble families (including the ones who contributed to my own DNA, the Mamikonians) they forged the Armenian Kingdom of Cilicia.  One of the descendants of this family would also interesting enough come to be the tsar of Bulgaria in the later Middle Ages too, and that is how my personal bloodline ties into an Armenian root.  That was perhaps one of the most amazing discoveries I have made in my genealogical research in years, and it contributed to me rekindling my interest in Armenian topics again, along with the long-awaited release of The Promise in theatres in 2018 as well as my discovery of the very amazing Kohar Symphony Orchestra.  All of this together was a kick in the butt I needed to rekindle my first love with the Armenian people, and I have been slowly building back my legacy with them since.  Yesterday though was pivotal - I connected with an actual Armenian community near me in a very special way, and I may be getting more involved with them in weeks to come as that teaching opportunity is still very real.  I now just leave it in God's hands, and will be revisiting this later.

This is going to be one of those two-part discussions this time, as there is another aspect to this that also deals with how I define myself as a Catholic.  The recent controversies and craziness coming from Leo out of the Vatican have caused me to make a lot of decisions, and I want to spend some time talking about that tomorrow.  It has no bearing on whether I will stay Catholic or not, but it will redefine what my personal Catholic faith is going to be, and I have come to some sobering conclusions about that I want to discuss separately at another point.  Thank you for letting me share something as special as a personal thing that happened in an Armenian church yesterday, and will see you soon. 

The Passing of A Legend and Other Thoughts

 As I am writing this today, there is a bit of sad news - the country music legend Dolly Parton passed away yesterday.  I wanted to share a little about that as well as some other thoughts as imagination dictates, so we will see where this goes.

I have never been a fan of Dolly Parton's music - it just wasn't my thing.  There was nothing intrinsically wrong with it, and indeed a few of her original songs (notably "Coat of Many Colors") had some inspiring messages and stories in them.  However, Dolly as a singer was just not my cup of tea as I have never been into country music.  However, on many other levels I really admired and appreciated her.  Dolly just had this quality that endeared her to almost anyone, and you just could not help but like her.  Granted, she was often the subject of humor, as her well-endowed bosoms were the talk of many comedians, but even she had fun with that with her own self-depreciating humor.  I think what really made Dolly so charming to many people was her sweet, folksy, and down-home personality, which really made her someone that everyone wanted to be best friends with.  Although I was not a fan of her music, I have to say though that Dolly was actually also a very talented actress - I am not sure if she developed cinematic presence as a career enhancement or what, but it worked brilliantly for her.   Her appearances in movies such as 9 to 5, Steel Magnolias, and Joyful Noise were classic performances, and she brought that wonderful personality in those roles.   One of the most amusing lines, as a matter of fact, in Steel Magnolias, was when she was gossiping with the neighbors about her new assistant (played by Darryl Hannah) and her newfound religious zeal, and she said the girl was so messed up that her boyfriend Sammy "didn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."  That line, every time I watch that movie (and I have seen it now dozens of times) still makes me chuckle, and I have even used it on occasion.  A line like that is not what you would call sophisticated prose, but it was clever, and that is something else I wanted to talk about.

The personality that Dolly radiated was just good old-fashioned Appalachian charm, and for those of us who grew up in the region we related to that well.  Dolly was like a familiar friend or neighbor to many of us, because she talked like us, thought like us, and we understood her.  I think that also added to her status as far as being both a musical and cinematic legend as well.  By what I understand too, she was like this when she encountered fans - unlike many celebrities who think their "common" fanbase was beneath them, Dolly interacted with people.   She never acted superior like she was somehow better than anyone else, and it was clear from observing her over the years that she never forgot where she came from.  In Tennessee close to where she grew up in Pigeon Forge, there is of course Dollywood, and in the center of that park there is an old house that - and I am not sure if it was the original house or an identical replica of it - gave a picture of Dolly's homeplace.  It was humble, not pretentious, and again, for those of us who grew up in the region we could identify with that.  I actually really enjoyed taking the tour of it years ago when I visited Dollywood, and it was perhaps one of my favorite parts of the park (besides the Southern Gospel Hall of Fame Museum on the grounds, which was also worth seeing too).  That aspect of who Dolly was endeared her to a huge cross-section of the American public, and even people with radically different worldviews from each other could appreciate Dolly in some aspect.  If anyone could truly have a gift of bringing people together, it was her.  That made Dolly a very uniquely American institution too, as just her person represented what America was intended to be.  Dolly was not perfect - she had a few social and political views I would fundamentally disagree with - but she was real, and that is what I respect about her.  President Trump is even ordering the flag to be flown at half-mast for her too, and I think that is a fitting honor for her.  Dolly truly was an amazing lady, and she will be missed for sure. 

Dolly Parton - who was the same age as my mom but maybe 11 months older - made me again think about my own roots.  In Scripture, there are many places that admonish us as a virtue to be honest with ourselves, and to be who we truly are.  When people act pretentious or superior, they lie to themselves, and when it eventually comes to light about who they really are, it creates scandal and embarrassment.  Being honest up-front with people about the person one is can be amazingly liberating, as you don't have to excuse your existence just to live up to a standard you were never meant for.  Again, this goes back to my continuous mantra of being consistent - God does not necessarily expect perfection, but he does expect us to be consistent with the person we are, and how he created us.  This is why, in one of the Timothy epistles I believe, St. Paul admonishes us to be straight-forward with our communication with others - when asked something, we let our "yes" actually be yes and our "no" actually be no.  It doesn't warrant us revealing every little deep, dark secret about ourselves (babbling like Chunk in The Goonies did with the criminal Fratellis when they apprehended him), but it does challenge us to be honest and consistent when people talk to us.  Too many people have made an art out of wordsmithing (I don't even know where that term came from, but I have always hated it) in that they can weave these pretentious, verbose explanations of things to try to skirt an honest answer - politicians have mastered that for generations.  The average guy has neither the time or patience for BS like that, and God doesn't either, which is why he addressed that specifically in Scripture.  Simple, honest, and consistent answers to questions will always be a good thing, even if it carries potential risk.  It may actually alleviate the potential for bigger problems if we are up-front in the first place, because then at least we can command the respect of the other person because we were at least honest with them.  I think Dolly Parton personified that well, as she is one of the few celebrities over the years who was consistent and up-front about herself, and I think that is why such a broad spectrum of people liked her.  We can learn much from that, and I speak to myself too, as I too have been guilty at times of weaving elaborate stories instead of just being up-front, and when I encountered someone with a well-honed internal BS meter, it brought me back to reality quick.  We've all been there, let's be honest.  And, that leads me to some other thoughts today.

Despite the common courtesy of consistency and being simple and honest in our communication, we tend to dig our own holes deeper at times when we allow our mouths to get us into trouble.  My ex-wife Barbara has a weakness for that, God bless her.  When she gets nervous, Barbara talks, and my goodness, does she talk!  She is almost like the fictional Chunk in The Goonies when someone else does not interact with her, and she has said things at times which were a bit more than what her listeners were asking for.  Doing that has gotten her in trouble, and on occasion during our marriage she got me on the hot seat too, which I would later get onto her about.  I am not sure whether that is a defense mechanism or just a nervous reaction, but I also surprisingly can understand it.  When you feel like you are losing the interest of someone you are talking to, it tends to be a natural response to just babble on and on about everything and then you say too much.  I too have done that on occasion as well, so I can't totally fault Barbara either.  It is interesting that cops and others rely on that nervous reflex though to get confessions out of people, and it is an effective strategy.  And that is another reason it is also important to guard what you share with others - it can come back to bite you.  While that seems on the surface like it is not consistent with the "yes and no" simplicity of Scripture, it is very much consistent with that because a part of communication is just sharing what is needed, and being careful with how you say things.  Being honest does not mean being so altruistically defenseless that anyone can take advantage - it is OK to have boundaries.  So, it is integral that as human beings we are both honest and consistent in the way we communicate, but also only share what is necessary and keep thing simple and relevant.  You do not need to go into a 3-hour spiel about your life story when a copy randomly stops you for being a little heavy on your gas pedal.  In a case like that, you acknowledge, apologize, and accept responsibility, and in the case of a minor traffic issue, a cop will respect you more and probably let you off with a warning if you conduct yourself honestly and without talking too much.  The two things go hand in hand and do not contradict. 

Speaking of keeping things simple, I think my point has gotten across, so I will wrap it up.  Dolly Parton was an institution, and she will be missed for a variety of reasons.  However, her legacy gives us a very valuable lesson - be true to yourself, and don't forget where you come from.  Thanks again, and will see you next time. 

The New Week

 Last week, it was a series of strolls down memory lane, and I am not sure as we begin the final week of August if I will have any such pangs of inspiration, but we will see where it goes.  There are a few other things to reflect upon though so we will start with that.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I am beginning to have some disappointment with the Roman Catholic Church in this city, or at least how it is represented.  Hearing a Dominican friar of all things go on a rant in a church bulletin about the SSPX and the bishop consecration issues a few weeks ago, especially when there are more pressing issues the Church has than that, led to to re-evaluate my relationship with the Vatican.  For the time being, beginning yesterday I have decided to go back to something that felt good and was more connected to ancient tradition - I attended Divine Liturgy at St. Michael's Church yesterday, a Byzantine-rite Ukrainian parish in town here.  You would think that a city the size of Baltimore would have more Eastern-rite churches, but in reality there are few of them here.  There are a couple of Orthodox parishes, and a Coptic, two Malankara Syrian, and 7 Ethiopian/Eritrean parishes in the area, but many of those are in the suburbs of the city and not as close as I would like.  A city the size of Baltimore, especially given its unique geographical position between Philadelphia and DC, should be teeming with Eastern-rite churches, but it isn't.  However, the Ukrainian parish will do just fine, especially since they have English-language liturgies on Sundays, and I think we will go there for the time being until more of God's plan about where he wants us to be is revealed (more on that will be forthcoming on Sunday next, as I have an important meeting in DC then).  It felt very nice to be back in a Byzantine-rite setting again, and although it has been about 7 years since last attending an Eastern Catholic church (the last one was St. Mary in Weirton, WV, when I graduated with my Master's from Steubenville), the order of the liturgy came back to me easily, and I felt at peace.  Oddly, the priest there, Fr. Yuriye, is a married priest, something I am glad to see the American parishes of the Eastern rites are re-implementing after years of letting local Roman ordinaries dictate policies to them.  His wife was acting as cantor during Mass yesterday (the liturgy in this case was not sung, as the crowd was rather small - there may have been a dozen of us there for the English-language Mass), and despite a small number of people, they were very friendly to us.  Until I get some clear direction as to where I am going and when I need to get there, I think this beautiful Ukrainian parish will be my church home. 

Also over the weekend, I had a couple of interesting exchanges, and wanted to talk about one in particular.  Despite my sympathies for the TLM and the fact I believe in people's rights to attend it if they so choose, I have to admit there are some crazy people at times on that side of the issue too.  Some of the younger crowd who decide by conviction to attend the TLM get a bit radical, and I came across one of those Saturday.  The discussion began with a post the moderator of the group (a nice guy in Florida named William, who has been a good friend for several years) posted something about the late actress Katherine Hepburn.  Although she was a legend as an actress, let's be honest - Kate's legacy was not a flawless one.  She was a professed atheist during much of her career, and she was openly bisexual, having relationships with both men and women in her younger days.  When that fact was brought up, one of these young radicals accused myself and a couple of others of "judging" her, despite the fact we were not being judgmental but were stating facts that the woman was open about herself when she was alive.  I told the guy essentially - he was a young, dumb hothead who thinks he has all his crap together but he doesn't - to go relax and get a cup of coffee or something.  He then proceeded to go apocalyptic on me and said essentially that "on the battlefield of World War III" he was going to "make sure I met judgment," which in reality was a serious threat.  On both the Left and the Right these days, you have these crazy people that tend to take things to extremes, and all they want to do is "vanquish their enemies" and they almost have a blood lust doing so.  This young and very stupid man was no different - he sounds like he listens a lot to Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens too much, and the poor fool probably would canonize Hitler (some more radical Trads have went there!) because he considers the Jews as an enemy.  A few years back, a similar person even said he could "hate" Jews because Jesus told him to - I would like to know what Gospel he read that in.   It is OK to have strong convictions and standards - I certainly do, as many of you may have guessed - but when you start crossing a line into hatred and violence in the name of our faith, you essentially cease being a true Catholic and you become for all intents a jihadi of some sort.  The name for people like this was coined by some commentators as "the woke Right," and it is unfortunately about as volatile as the purple-haired DSA antifa terrorists on the left.   In reality though, the "woke Right" is not truly conservative, and should not be thought of as such - they are more or less embracing the same wacky garbage their Leftist counterparts spout.  This means that in reality, there is no difference between Nick Fuentes and Hassan Piker - they are, to me, the same despite what they call themselves.  It is integral to understand that if you take a position on something, there has to be room for maturity - you can be as staunch as you want, but at least be grounded.  This young "rad Trad" Saturday was not that at all - if anything, I bet the poor fool listens to people like Nick Fuentes and Tucker Carlson, and in time it will destroy him without the necessity of any help.  This leads to a little discussion now I wanted to have today.

I have said before that God does not send people to hell.  On the first glance, that almost seems like it is Universalism, until you understand the context.  God did not create hell for us at all - Scripture affirms that - but rather as a prison for Satan and the fallen angels.  However, unfortunately something happened in Genesis 3, and it led to man's forfeiture of eternal life - sin and death entered the picture, and because mankind chose to believe Satan, he also chose Satan's fate.  Remember too, that in the Garden of Eden the serpent (Satan) did not twist the arm of Eve to sin - her own free will caused that.  Much of what we attribute to Satan today - and don't get me wrong, he is still evil and is a tempter - is actually the result of our own stupidity.  The young fool I had the exchange with Saturday missed that point, and was blaming Satan for things that simple human will caused - in that regard, he is much like the more hyper-Pentecostal folks I used to see who attributed a demon under every rock and in every crack of a brick wall.  Hell is real, and it is a consequence of unresolved sin, but it is not God who sends us there - we send ourselves.  Do you think Satan cares that we use variations of "the devil made me do it" shtick to excuse our own shortcomings?  Not really - he sits back and smiles as he watches the willful rebellion of God's own creation against its Creator, and although he does tempt us and can be an influence, it is ultimately our own willful action that gets us in trouble.  And, dare I say this - Satan is the master theologian and Bible scholar too.  You are probably hyperventilating at that statement, but just hear me out - Satan knows Scripture and the body of doctrine well enough that he can use it to his advantage, dangling just that right verse in front of someone enough so they can twist it into something it does not intend to say.  Every cult that exists has resulted from that very thing - take the truth, and then that little voice "what did God really say about this?" which Satan plants in our minds, and out of that a whole faulty theology can be built around it.  And, despite the safeguards of the Deposit of Faith, some Catholics too are prone to this as well.  The young fool I debated with is a prime example of that.  He took a teaching of the Church - just war - and twisted it as a carte-blanche for hating and destroying those he deems as "enemies."   Many popular televangelists have been doing that for decades too -  Kenneth Copeland and other false teachers have taken spiritual gifts as a way to manipulate people into accepting cultic theology like the so-called "Prosperity Gospel," and they have profited lucratively from it.  This is why we have to "study to show ourselves approved," as II Timothy 2:15 admonishes us, and sharpen our own gifts of discernment to know where that blurred line is so we don't cross it.  Is God against material prosperity for instance?  I don't believe so.  However, does he guarantee it just because someone speaks "affirmations" about it over themselves?  No!  I have been a recipient on many occasions of God's provision, and I thank him for that every day, but that doesn't give me the right to be entitled to it because it is a grace God gives if he so wills.  As the late theologian Romano Guardini proposed and was correct about, the whole key to the Lord's Prayer we say every morning in our Rosaries and every week at Mass is a four-word phrase - Thy will be done.  I have heard some of these heretical televangelists actually call that a "demonic" phrase despite it being from Jesus himself, and they have even mocked people praying to discern God's will.  Yet, that is what we are actually told to do!  It also proves something else - the whole idea of Sola Scriptura that many Evangelical Protestants champion is itself a subjective concept.  I have stated, and still believe, Scripture to be divinely authored and the inspired Word of God; that will not change.  However, a strict belief in Sola Scriptura is as impossible as it is to be a true atheist - at some point, the Sola Scriptura proponent in reality believes another more man-made dogma and it is basically this "Scripture alone, but my interpretation is the ultimate authority."  Every prosperity-preaching televangelist claims their teachings are based on Sola Scriptura, and so do their Fundamentalist critics; someone is wrong, or maybe both are (I opt for the latter answer).  Even among the most staunch KJV-Only Fundamentalists, there is no standard as to what Sola Scriptura actually means - they condemn each other actually for having different views.  That being said, the whole Sola Scriptura position is essentially also a trap of Satan, because more fights have been caused over that than one could count.  And the reason is simple - even Scripture itself does not teach it.  I have already given my views on Scriptural inerrancy and inspiration, so I won't rehash that, but I can summarize it by saying that one can believe the Bible is the inerrant and infallible Word of God, divinely authored and inspired, without believing in the idea of Sola Scriptura.  Sola Scriptura is a Newtonian reaction against extremes that happened in the Catholic Church leading up to the Reformation, and had the bishops done their due diligence and addressed the root problem, then the Reformation probably would not have happened.  But, much like much of the leftism coming out of the Vatican apparatus today, nothing gets addressed properly and thus true reform is ignored - the proponents of the liberal garbage dismiss those that have concerns, and hotheaded reactionaries on the other side go full nuclear without seeing the positives of their own Church and capitalizing on them.  Both sides have been wrong, and both have allowed their own wills to be exerted over God's will, and Satan is laughing - he laughs at both radical hotheads like the young foolish man I talked to yesterday, as well as at people like James Martin who want to obliterate the traditional Church in favor of a modernist agenda.  Both of them are deceived by Satan himself, and a lot of confused people are caught in the middle.  And, that is the point.  Satan may have planted some seeds of confusion, but look who is cultivating them - it is not Satan; we tend to screw up things pretty well ourselves without his help.  Until that stark reality is seen by everyone in the debate, there will not be any true resolution.  And, it means there has to be a safe haven for many innocent people who just want to live out their faith to do so without having liberal bishops and radical traditionalists tearing at them.  That is the challenge, as well as where I am personally right now. 

The bottom line to all this is that we should always seek the truth, and seek guidance for God's true will in everything.  If we do that, it will buffer us against attacks from any direction.  Thanks for allowing me to share, and will see you next visit. 

Going Down Memory Lane

 When I was reflecting yesterday, I basically gave an entire background of my history in the little town of Kirby, WV, as a kid.  That has been sort of my state of mind lately, as I have been reflecting on a lot of things, and some of it even shows up in my dreams at night now.  One thing I have really reflected on is how I have been retracing steps over the past 20 years.  It seems like I have been going back to places I lived before - for instance, take now, when 51 years after I went to kindergarten on the west side of Baltimore, I am now sitting in the middle of the east side of the city.  Back then, I had very little familiarity with the east side of town, as our family primarily settled in the areas of Irvington and Pigtown on the west side, along with a whole population of West Virginians who came to Baltimore after World War II as a result of the "Hillbilly Highway."  At one time, our family was part of what was probably one of the biggest ethnic groups in the city, as Appalachian-Americans dominated a lot of communities here.  Of course, in the ensuing years as the various families - including mine - raised their families and earned their comfortable lives, many either moved out to the suburbs or retired back home in West Virginia where they could afford it at that point.  Even today, I would estimate that within 12 miles of where I am sitting right now I probably have about 20 or so cousins.   Many of them are from my generation, and a large number of them were born and raised here over the past couple of generations - of all my cousins that live within that close proximity of me, I would say I am more than likely the only one who was actually born in West Virginia who is still alive.  I was also raised there as well, although a few of the cousins like to present the image of being "mountain men," but they are in reality Marylanders by birth and by culture.  I am unfortunately not really close to any of my cousins that live here, and that is truly unfortunate as it would be nice to have that family infrastructure.  But, they don't care about me, they never really got to know me, and at this point all of us are in our 50s now so it really does not even matter anymore.  They essentially have their lives, and although they know full well I live here, none of them have really reached out to me since I have been here.  So, that is their choice and I will respect it.  Imagine though if I all of a sudden inherited millions of dollars though - I would wager every damn one of them would be trying to knock down my door.  Money has a strange way of grabbing attention, but too bad that some people - even blood relatives - only see dollar signs and not the person their own family is.  I have come to terms with that, and shortly I will talk about how.  First though, I wanted to reminisce a little about how I remember Baltimore when I was a kid, as it is indeed much different now than it was then.

Not too long ago, I watched Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and an episode that focused on a small eatery not too far from where I am at now called Cafe Hon.  Although Cafe Hon is now closed, it used to be located in a neighborhood just west of here called Hampden, which consists of a population of Hopkins students and hipsters and is part of what is called the "White Butterfly" area of the city.  Hampden is just west of the Johns Hopkins University campus, and back in the day a significant population of Appalachian people lived there.  The owner of Cafe Hon, Denise Whiting, was trying to recapture some of that "old Bawlmore" charm starting with the name of the establishment, Cafe Hon.  For those who have been acquainted with Baltimore for many years, the word "Hon" is a term of endearment (it is short for "honey") that owes a lot to the Appalachian population that settled here in the 1940s and 1950s thus making Baltimore essentially the unofficial capital of West Virginia then.  However, Denise made a fatal error in judgment when she tried to trademark the term, and it caused a mess which was the focus of Ramsay's visit some 20 years ago.  Luckily that got straightened out, and Denise regained some social credit as a result.  Another thing Denise did too was encourage the classic "Baltimore chic" look with her waitresses - this included bob and beehive hairdos and the cat-eye glasses, also attributed to some degree to the West Virginians and western Marylanders that lived in the area then.  To be honest, that was what I remembered back in the day too, as there is something strangely comforting about that - it reminds me of my aunts and other relatives who lived here then.  It was also reflected in the cuisine - when one thinks classic Baltimore food, one thinks comfort - stuff such as fried chicken, deep-fried oysters, slow-cooked pot roast, meat loaf, and other delicacies like that.  Of course, Baltimore then was also a sort of cross-fertilized culture hub too, and thus the pizzas here then were one of a kind as well.  For many of us who were kids back in the 1960s and 1970s, that was the Baltimore we remembered.  Since moving back here a couple of years ago, I have seen regrettably little of that classic Baltimore food here - even Cracker Barrel does a better pot roast and meat loaf than most places here do.  Now, all you see is soul-food shacks, and the sanitary conditions of those places are questionable at times.  Whereas back in the day it was Gino's who was the biggest fried chicken place, today the new chicken monopoly here is Hip Hop Chicken and Fish.  I actually do like Hip Hop's chicken, but it isn't the same as the fried chicken Baltimore used to be noted for.  And, instead of taking advantage of those succulent Chesapeake Bay oysters here, many Baltimore seafood places in town now opt for the cheaper and lesser-quality Florida Gulf oysters I used to see in Florida when I lived there - that is tragic as well too.  But it isn't just a food thing unfortunately - the urban blight as I am seeing neighborhoods that look crappy with abandoned row houses and littered streets, as well as the polarizing political radicalization and even the Catholic Church seems to be in a state of decay here.  In recent years, the various sex abuse scandals have bankrupted the Archdiocese of Baltimore and as a result many churches have closed (one sadly has been converted into a microbrewery on the east side of town) and there is a disconnect and apathy on the part of clergy here that makes a visitor to a Catholic parish here feel like an invasive goat turd in a punchbowl.  I first became attracted to Catholic spirituality in Baltimore as a kindergartener back in 1975, but after being here two years, I have decided that perhaps there are other expressions of the Catholic faith to explore that don't require blind obedience to politicians in robes in the Vatican.  My faith has suffered, and I now feel spiritually malnourished.  At some point I will talk about some decisions I have come to, but suffice to say, the past two years have been eye-opening for me.  I am noticing this discussion is starting to take a dark turn, so let's bring it back. 

One of the saddest things is the lack of family cohesion, which I have alluded to before.  After going through a divorce and then losing both my parents over the past six years, I am feeling very alone right now.  Thankfully, despite the divorce Barbara and I are still close, and she is essentially my family right now - we will never be romantically connected again and we are OK with that, but that doesn't mean we cannot be friends either.  Barbara has more or less become the sister I never had, and I am very thankful for her - we look out for each other now, and although the dynamic in our relationship has baffled some, there are others who see it as a sign of maturity and strength on our part. I don't worry about the talk and gossip that may ensue over anything that relates to us, and neither does Barbara - we are in a good place with each other, and that is what matters.  And, I am also seeing someone else at this point, and I think it is time to reveal a bit about that.  

In July 2022, about a year after our divorce was finalized and the Church was granting us an annulment, I decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone, so I began to look for a potential soulmate.  One thing that has always endeared me for years was the simple charm and irresistible beauty of the Filipina, and that is where I started my search.  After a few months of unsuccessful attempts, I eventually heard from a very sweet Filipina in the city of San Jose del Monte, which is in the Bulacan Province on the island of Luzon just outside metro Manila, and her name was Azenith.  Azenith was at the time 39 years old, had never been married but had been through a bad relationship (which did produce one blessing, a sweet daughter named Amirah) and she was looking for someone, in her own words that she "can grow old with."  Something about her drew me, and a few days after we met we decided to pursue a relationship.  Four years later, we are still in a strong relationship and very much in love - to me, Azi (as I affectionately call her) is the most beautiful and sweetest woman, and I thank God for her every day.  Every morning we message each other, telling each other "I love you," and she is always fussing about my health, whether I eat enough, etc.  However, it has been a bit challenging for us - a long-distance relationship between a couple when they are a half a world apart tends to test the limits of love, and we both feel that daily but we still love each other.  I am hoping in the next year or so to get over there finally to see her in person, and it would also be a good time to begin preparations for a more serious commitment - I have already asked her to marry me, and she very happily said yes.   And, after four years, it is time to actually meet and be together too - we both long for that.  So, if God wills, in the near future a trip to the Philippines may be happening.  I was a bit hesitant to share this, but we do already have a few of our close friends who know already, and Barbara is excited for us too - she wants to be Azi's maid of honor!  I wanted to share that as I feel as if God is going to create a new family dynamic to replace the broken one I had in the past, and I am excited about that too.  This is the first time I have shared openly about this, but I figured after four years it is time.  And, that leads to another dimension of my reflections.

While it is good to reminisce about the good aspects of one's past, it also is integral to build a future too. I feel that with Azi - and the extra blessing of a daughter named Amirah - something new is about to happen, and I am ready for that.  This is not only a new chapter in our family legacy, but a new volume of the work itself.  My and Azi's future will redefine the legacy of both sides of my family in a new way, and I think it is a new volume of history that is long overdue.  Things happen for a reason, as God leaves nothing to chance, and none of this is accidental.  So, what needs to happen here is not demolishing the past, but instead taking what can be salvaged from it and creating something new and beautiful that will change a course our family has been on for several generations.  It is long overdue in all honesty, and I am about making that happen.  Of course, I don't know exactly what that will mean yet, but all in good time, and more importantly, in God's time.  Often to preserve a legacy, you have to do an extensive renovation on it to rebuild what has decayed and has caused problems, and the old, rotten wood needs to be discarded and replaced with something more durable.  This too will be a process, but I think at this stage in my life it is a process I am excited to get on with.  

I have shared a lot - and I mean a lot! - in this reflection today, but there is something liberating about finally revealing a few things I wanted to reveal for so long.  Please pray for me as I begin this new stage in my life as the dust clears from the last few years, and thank you in advance to those of you who have been supportive of a lot of things I have come up against in the past few years too - there are some individuals who really shined in a time when I was facing a lot of uncertainty, and one that immediately comes to mind is my cousin Elvira.  Elvira is I would say about a 5th or 6th cousin on my mother's side, and we have been in touch for about 7 years and she is also like a sister to me.  Like myself, she has been through a lot, and likewise we have helped each other out on occasion when we needed it.  I was the only member of our immediate branch of the family, as a matter of fact, that even went to her wedding in 2019, and I was glad I did - Elvira is a real gem, and I love her like a sister.  She needs prayers too now though, as she has had a few health challenges recently, and being she is still young yet and has a good life ahead of her, I am praying God touches her and restores her health to where it should be.  Elvira and a handful of other people have been Godsends to me, and I am thankful for each and every one of them, and for a good parish church, St. James the Greater in Charles Town, WV.  If any man could be made a saint while still living, I would advocate for Fr. Timothy Grassi who pastors there for the honor.  Good people make a huge difference in the lives of many, and I have known some of the best with Barbara, my cousin Elvira, and Fr. Grassi.  May God be with and bless them all.

Thank you for allowing me to share a few things that were deeply personal today, and I will see you next time.  As much as I have been writing, do not be surprised if I maybe have one other discussion here this week!  I will see you all next time. 

Reaching the End of The Summer

 As I am writing this, it is August 20th - in all honesty, this summer has flown by, my goodness!  But, when I was doing some reflection today on my childhood and teenage years, one thing that is evident is change happens, for better or for worse.  Although the past few days have been somewhat busy, I do have a bit of breathing room and will often take a look at something that stokes the memory archives a bit, and today I decided to take a little "journey" to where I spent a large part of my childhood, the town of Kirby, WV.  In all honesty, I could not believe how really different it looked there, so I wanted to talk about that a bit.

Ever since I was a kid, I loved maps - I could take an atlas, study it for hours, and then I could find almost anything.  With the 21st century now in full swing, the atlas books we used to have are almost a thing of the past - they still sell them, but with everyone going electronic the new thing is Google Maps.  Personally, I love Google Maps - it takes you to street views, and you can sort of "drive" through communities without even leaving your desk.  Every so often, I like to do that with places I have lived in the past, just to see what they look like now.  Today, I decided to check out Kirby to see what happened there.  

I want to take you back first to Kirby in the year 1982 - I was 13 then, and had already lived there two years, and it was not an overly populated place but it had a small town vibe.  Cox's Store was the central part of the town, and it was where the general store, post office, and the event venue for the community was located.  Owned by Lincoln and Nellie Cox since 1940, the store was really much older as it dated back to the late 1800s and is somewhat of a local landmark.  Back in the day, it stayed pretty busy too - a group of 20-something young guys from the surrounding countryside gathered out there almost every night to socialize and do other things (I never was particularly thrilled with that, as often they liked to target me for harassment as a young kid too), and during the day a lot of the older folks around the area - one of note being old Mr. Donahue who lived a couple of miles away - would come and sit in the store and just socialize with Nellie as she operated the store.  The place was not exactly downtown Baltimore, but it stayed pretty busy.  The rest of the town consisted of approximately 7 mobile homes, the Grassy Lick School where most of us went to elementary school then, the American Legion Hall where Lincoln Cox was the local commander, the Baptist church on the other side of the bridge that spanned Grassy Lick Run, and about 6 other houses (including the Coxes, who lived right across the street from the store).   Additionally, Lincoln Cox had a few utility sheds near the creek, and his son-in-law Dean Westfall had a small pigpen between where we lived and the school.  In behind the trailers for a short time was a landfill where the local "wino," John Haines, took care of burning everyone's garbage.  We lived in the trailer then that was at the far end of that park, bordering a small culvert that separated our yard from the Westfall corn field.  On the main road just above our house there was a row of hazelnut trees that I used to harvest from abundantly - I got a lot of hazelnuts in the Fall off of them, and in the summer they also housed a huge population of stick insects (walking sticks) and the occasional praying mantis I caught that would hunt them.   That essentially was the tiny town of Kirby, which at one time probably had around 50 residents within the corporate limits and perhaps a couple of hundred more a few miles out in the countryside that utilized the post office there.  While those years were largely probably some of the poorest I had ever experienced, they had their good points too and it was in reality in Kirby that I sort of discovered my identity and would be shaped into the person I am today.  I have talked about some aspects of that upbringing before - how I discovered my love of vintage music, and also how I used to play in Grassy Lick Run catching hogsuckers for the dog and also trying to capture small sculpins down in those large rocks near the bridge.  Kirby was not all bad, in other words, but I did face some adversities that many kids my age could never imagine, and the other neighborhood kids were pretty much in the same situation.  As we all grew older, we scattered to the four winds and did our own thing; a couple unfortunately are no longer with us.  As we began to drift away from Kirby in the late 1980s and early 1990s, the town began to sort of die with the exit of many of its residents, and when the Coxes finally passed away in the late 1990s and early 2000s, the store, school, and other venues around the area would close and the town would essentially be a ghost of its former self.  Nothing was more apparent about that then when I did a little Google Maps excursion there today.

As mentioned, the store closed years ago, and the school closed in the early 2000s, so by that point there was not much left.  The nearest towns were some distance away - Augusta was about 15 miles to the northeast, and Romney, the county seat, was almost 25 miles away.  Therefore, the next actual town over was nearby Rio, and as Kirby went into decline Rio assumed much of the business that Cox's Store once generated.  Today, Rio is pretty much like it was 40 years ago, as the local "Rio Mall" where I originally got my first vinyl items in my music collection, is still doing a very lucrative business and a few other stores have opened up there now too.  But, not so Kirby.  When I did the "street view" feature on Google Maps, it zoomed in on Grassy Lick Road at the intersection of Grassy Lick and Rock Oak Roads, where the old store is.  Moving north on Grassy Lick Road, the first thing I noticed was the big field where 7 mobile homes used to be - they were apparently moved out years ago, and even the culvert that bordered our old yard there was obscured by encroaching brush.  The Westfall corn field is no longer there either, although I did notice those hazelnut bushes are still growing.  The place is now stark in how different it looks, and I was frankly shocked.  While about 7 years ago we had driven through there as Mom wanted to take a drive that way, and the trailers were gone then too, it still was a bit to absorb seeing that even that old apple tree that used to be in front of the house was taken out as well - I remember those apples well too.  The apples that grew on that tree were big, but they were also very tart.  They were good apples for pies or apple butter, but not for just eating.  However, that often did not stop me from occasionally grabbing one off the lower branches of the tree when I could reach them.  I also remember that tree when my best friend Ralph was teaching me to ride a bike then - I ran it into that tree!  Interesting how I remember small details like that, but that is the credit of writing a journal all these years too.  Now that I think of it, there were two trees in that large meadow that served as a courtyard for us there - one was the aforementioned tree in front of our house, and the other one was at the other end of the field, on a path that we wore going down to the store then.  That tree marked the fence line for the Cox's house as well then (and even that fence is gone now!).   I did notice the two large sycamore trees that were in the back yard are still there though - they loomed tall over the spot where the old trailer used to be at the far end of the culvert.  The Google Maps street view feature is updated for April 2026, meaning that as I am writing this that was four months ago.  Also, and quite strangely, the outline of the access road to our old park as well as the driveway to our house can still be plainly seen too.  On the edge of that was a large shrub that the local kids I hung out with and I called our "fort bush," and I noticed it was still there too, although much bigger than it was then.  A large field still divides what used to be Westfall's corn field from the Grassy Lick School, and since the school closed the local folks repurposed that as a community center now, essentially serving the purpose that Cox's Store used to.  As much as I marveled at the Upper Potomac ghost towns like Kempton and Bayard closer to my home area of Tucker County, Kirby too has become essentially a ghost town in real time, and oddly, it is quite a surreal feeling to see that a place where you spent 6 years of your childhood and early teens is now basically just a collection of a few houses and nothing else.  I often wonder if others I knew from those days feel the same way?  That would be worth exploring.  I suppose at this point I should give a little history behind Kirby and how it came into existence, as I am a historian after all!

Recently, I had the fortune of finding a copy of a book entitled Historic Hampshire (Parsons, WV: McClain Printing Company, 1976).   It is an older history book of the county, and different individuals contributed to it.  Lincoln Cox actually wrote a very good historical overview of Kirby in it, and as he notes beginning on page 388, the area had some documentation of explorers dating back at least until the 1790s.  Many of these early White adventurers (and later settlers) were called "Long Hunters" according to both Cox as well as a short essay by Eileen Hott and Betty Racey in a later book published called Hampshire County, WV: 1754-2004 (Romney, WV: The Hampshire 250 Committee, 2004) on pages 63-64.  Curiosity about how the place got its name though comes from the late Hamill Kenney in his West Virginia Place Names: Their Origin and Meaning, Including the Nomenclature of the Streams and Mountains (Piedmont, WV: The Place Name Press, 1945), who notes on page 353 that the name was attributed to one of its earliest postmasters.  I had always wondered about why the creek there was called Grassy Lick Run, and fortunately Lincoln provided the answer in his history of the area - apparently it took its origin from the "lick springs" of the areas (which also produced minerals like salt from the depths of the earth too, which served as a mineral source for deer and other wildlife, hence a "lick") meaning places where local fauna gathered to drink, and in this particular area there was also a lush abundance of grassy meadows, hence the name "Grassy Lick."  As prey animals were drawn to areas like that, it would also draw hunters as well, given the close proximity Kirby has to both Short Mountain and Nathaniel Mountain, which are still to this day popular hunting areas.  This is where both early American Indian tribes as well as White "Long Hunter" settlers were attracted, and in time settlements like Kirby sprang up.  As the old Cox's Store also served as a post office back then too, it was established in 1864 probably by some guy named Kirby, as Kenney proposed, and the genesis of the town dates to that.  This means Kirby came into being as a community after West Virginia became its own state a year earlier.  In my high school years later, I would also live close to a similar type of water source in Preston County called Salt Lick, so at least 10 years of my life were spent near places with the name "lick!"  This is by no means an exhaustive history of Kirby at all, nor is it meant to be as I probably left out a few details, but you get the idea anyway of how the place got its name.  That too solved a big personal mystery for me too, as learning about place names has become a sort of thing for me as a historian.  

As I read more about this, I will probably revisit it more later.  I do have a print-out of Kenney's book, but it is currently packed away, so when I get to a more permanent place soon I will dig that out any maybe find out who the mysterious postmaster "Kirby" was then, as I think he'll have that in his book. Reading Lincoln Cox's account of this makes me regret not talking to him more then, as I probably could have learned a thing or two.  However, relationships then were complex, and most of us saw Lincoln and Nellie as just our landlords and nothing more, as to many of us they were almost like feudal lords then who really didn't connect with the majority of us who were living at poverty level. Lincoln and Nellie both passed away years ago, but thankfully this is an aspect of his legacy that lives on, as well as the pictures one can find of him as a school teacher back in the day - he taught the 5th and 6th grades at Grassy Lick many years before I was even born, and that was his chosen profession after he completed an exemplary service as an officer in the military during World War II.  In retrospect, I appreciate Lincoln a lot more now than I did then, as it turns out he was actually very impressive.  Interesting enough, his daughter Beverly and three of his granddaughters also became educators as well.  One of the granddaughters is a principal at what I believe is a middle school in Morgantown, the second (her sister) teaches at a school in Virginia, and his youngest granddaughter is now an assistant principal at Hampshire High School in Romney.  While the girls radically differ with their grandfather (he was a die-hard political conservative who was influential in Republican politics in the county then, while the granddaughters are openly very much left-of-center in their political leanings) on ideological issues, they do carry on his legacy.  While he never directly influenced me as an educator myself, I actually can study his legacy and learn some good things from that too.  I often wonder what he would think now if I could talk to him as Dr. Thrower instead of that poor skinny local kid who checked mail once a day then at the store?  I do still talk to his daughter Beverly on occasion - she herself is retired now and is living a peaceful life in a house that is perched on the ridge just above where we used to live years ago.  Beverly, like so many of us, has mellowed too - time does that - so it is good to be connected to her too.  That is, as long as she doesn't hold it against me for stealing corn out of her field when I was a kid! 

Those were just some random thoughts I wanted to share here today, and I am hoping to write more stuff like this in months to come.  Thanks again for joining me, and will see you next time. 

A Positive Side of Philosophy

 When I was researching information on both proportionalism and MTD, I also came across something else that piqued my interest because in all honesty I agree with it.  It is found in Evangelical scholar Norman Geisler's book Christian Ethics, and although he is going to attribute this to a Reformed perspective, it is actually more of an Augustinian/Thomistic view as well and thus is compatible with Magisterial teaching.  The idea under discussion is called graded absolutism, and it does help make some clarifications on some tough choices we may or may not encounter.  But first, let me talk about Dr. Geisler.

Norman Geisler is a sort of household name among American Evangelical Protestants because he is one of their preeminent scholars.  In all honesty, his work is actually good, and his books on ethics, like this one, also can easily be utilized by Catholic and Orthodox people as well as there is much common ground.  Geisler is also one of those people who you know represents a balanced view of things too, and as far as Evangelical scholarship goes, he is very credible.  As an undergrad at Southeastern University, some of Geisler's work was required text for some classes, and therefore I am quite familiar with him.  While obviously I don't necessarily agree 100% with everything he may believe, I found a lot more common ground with him when it comes to ethical issues than I found differences, and that is why I am going to use his work here to talk about this concept of graded absolutism.  There is a lot to cover, so I am going to hone in on the basics of the chapter he devotes to it in his book just to undergird my own thoughts on the subject.

So, what is graded absolutism?  On pages 96 and 97 of his book, Geisler talks about moral absolutism, and he identifies three types:

1. Unqualified Absolutism - This view essentially means that no exceptions to a moral issue are to be considered.  You can't lie about anything, and stealing is out of the question.  Geisler associates this view with the more Old-Order Anabaptists, especially in regard to pacifism. 

2. Conflicting Absolutism - Essentially this means that one may have to do something messy that conflicts with Christian morality out of necessity.  While Geisler associates this with Lutheran tradition in particular, I would go a bit further by saying that it also applied to some Christian rulers of late antiquity and the Middle Ages - take the Emperor Constantine for instance, who despite having a conversion to and preference for Christianity, he still had to do unsavory things throughout his reign,  The way he reconciled this was to put off an actual baptism until the very end of his life.  This also has some Machiavellian undercurrents to it as well. 

3. Graded Absolutism - What Geisler means by this is essentially that at times we may have to do something that is morally conflicting in order to accomplish a greater good.  Two of the most noted examples of this includes how some Christian abolitionists help free Black slaves during the days of the Underground Railroad - this involved a risk of breaking civil property law, as well as some forging of papers to help people, but ultimately the greater good end took precedent over the more contradictory means.  The other example was of forged papers and armed resistance during World War II in Nazi Germany, which saved the lives of thousands of Jews as well as liberation of some lands like France by armed resistance which often had the blessing of a local religious leader.   While Geisler classified this as more of a Reformed Protestant perspective (and in Calvin's Institutes, it is advocated), in reality it also could be the conclusion drawn from reading people such as St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas as well, particularly in regard to situations such as "just war" theory or capital punishment.  

Geisler too notes that this existed to some degree in Augustine's writings, and he notes on page 97 that Augustine has three key points in regard to what graded absolutism is:

1. There is a hierarchy of virtues

2. Moral duties sometimes conflict

3. There is no culpability for obedience in doing the higher thing.

That is basically some of the takeaways I wanted to share from Geisler's chapter, as there is a lot more - perhaps one day when I get a print copy of his book I will explore and revisit this more.  This is going to provide an underpinning for what I am about to share at this point. 

First, an example and a story.  My good friend Stephen was a chaplain in the National Guard for many years, and due to an ideological issue that Biden pressed during COVID,  a bunch of bureaucratic higher brass - no doubt led by General Mark "Thoroughly Modern" Millie, a coward if there ever was one - targeted Stephen and so many others due to their political and religious views.  The main culprit that attacked Stephen was some officer named Ron Burkett, and the damage he did to Stephen (and probably others too) was catastrophic.  As a child of two Vietnam-era vets myself, I take this sort of thing seriously, as our military should have an honored place in our nation but oftentimes they are targeted and persecuted by idiots (usually on the Left) for just existing.  I totally sympathize with Stephen, but in a recent interview he really broke emotionally in regard to what this nasty, filthy coward of a military officer named Burkett did to him, and it was volatile!  However, I believe what Stephen demonstrated was graded absolutism, and therefore he did nothing wrong except being a human being with feelings who was at his limits.  And, there was also a righteous indignation in him, as I saw him not only expressing frustration for his own situation, but also for so many others who were targeted this way.  In the near future, Stephen is going to be publishing his own story about this, so I won't steal all his thunder here, but suffice to say his indignation was totally justifiable.  There may be some Christians who have a fourth form of absolutism called "faux absolutism" who will judge and fault Stephen for even using a couple of cusswords in his video, but I don't judge that - we are human, and yes, even on occasion I tend to utter an F-bomb if something upsets me, and I don't think that is going to consign me to the deepest pit of hell.  Besides, after I blow off steam, generally I quietly repent to God for it anyway and life goes on.  I think Stephen should be allowed that same grace too - after all, he served our nation honorably so I think he merits being able to vent a little.  Sometimes life can take us down some dark paths, and because we are concupiscent human beings and not perfect, we will have vulnerable moments. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.  Graded absolutism, I believe, is a way to deal with it and to make sense of it without compromising things.  But, even in history we see where graded absolutism was also a valid option, although at times it could be ugly.

Among the Church Fathers for instance, we have St. Athanasius of Alexandria, who is actually my confirmation saint.  St. Athanasius, in all the iconography and such, is depicted as almost angelic until you read some historic accounts - for instance, he beat the crap out of the heretic Arius for the damage done by the Arian heresy, and his disciple, St. Shenoute of Atripe, was equally volatile.  Even the famous St. Nicholas - who we like to depict as a mythological character called Santa Claus who doesn't even remotely resemble the real person - was known to clock someone upside the head if they upset him.  So you see, even saints had moments.  Even our Lord, Jesus Christ, actually horsewhipped a bunch of marketing hucksters in the Temple compound for doing what they were doing, and that is in the Gospels!  So next time you see that WWJD bracelet, perhaps the right thought comes into your mind when you want to horsewhip Joel Osteen for his nonsense when you see him on TV - that is probably what Jesus would have done too.  It means there is no culpability morally for doing the right thing, even if it takes a drastic action.  And, I will not even get into the stories of the class of saints called "Fools for Christ" (or Urodivi in Slavonic) - people thought they were a few drumsticks short of a bucket, but they had holy lives and many are canonized saints in both the East and the West.  We sometimes forget that as human beings, we are not angels, and thus perfection is not only not to be expected, but is also practically impossible.  But, even with our limitations, Jesus still loves us, and there is a certain comfort in that.  And, as a grace, he gifted us with the reality of graded absolutism to assure us that at times it is OK to risk doing something if it ultimately achieves a greater moral outcome.  That is graded absolutism in action.

A form of graded absolutism has been practiced by Christians without any moral qualms for centuries - from the tyrannical decrees of the Emperor Decius up to what has happened in recent decades in totalitarian and militantly Islamic lands - and in a way it is a defense mechanism that we have and there is no real sin involved if it is an act that preserves a family or a community.  But, I would argue that graded absolutism was not limited to just defensive action, as it could be offensive as well - the Crusades, for instance, were an offensive against Islamic colonialism that was persecuting other Christians.  Also, there is the story of Vlad the Impaler, the individual Bram Stoker's vampire character Dracula is based on.  I consider Vlad a hero because he took an offensive stance against a horde of barbaric Turks, and he didn't take prisoners - many of their barbecued corpses became the fuel source for candlelight dinners for him, and it sent a clear message.  As gruesome as some more sensitive individuals may find this, we owe Vlad a depth of gratitude - had it not been for his extreme actions, we might well be Muslim today, because the Turks would have taken larger parts of Europe.  Not only is it one dimension of graded absolutism in that an extreme action had a higher moral outcome, but it also was exactly what Aquinas meant by just war - cutting off the enemy at the source by acting offensively first may prevent a greater tragedy, as long as there are perimeters established.  Vlad, for instance, did not kill women and children - he took a preemptive strike against dangerous armed hordes who would have killed him just as ruthlessly had he not taken the initial offensive.  That preemptive strike may have saved civilization.  The same with Klaus von Stauffenberg during the Operation Valkyrie mission against Hitler during World War II - although Stauffenberg was unable to eliminate Hitler, it did show that there were brave German military officers willing to take a stand against something that was morally evil, and the way they saw fit to do that was by getting rid of the source of the problem.  For that, Hitler was shown too as the evil demonic psychopath he was, while Stauffenberg will be always immortalized as a hero (and given he was a devout Catholic as well, I think Stauffenberg was martyred and deserves canonization too).  If a law therefore is unjust, it is actually a moral imperative to defy it - the defiance may be carried out by extreme measures, but the end is the greater good.  I would say in that case, based on the moral just-war law of Aquinas and Augustine's teachings, there are a couple of stipulations for this:

1. A person who chooses to do this action cannot be coerced into it - it comes from their own free will and sense of duty.

2. Unless unintended, collateral damage to innocent people should be avoided.  The person carrying out an act of graded absolutist rationale is also doing this for those innocents too. 

3. One cannot be afraid of getting a little messy in doing the right thing - a justifiable homicide may happen, or some damage may result, but if it does it is fully circumstantial and not part of the actual plan. 

4. If an action like this happens, it must be thought out, and there needs to be a lot of prayer behind it - if there is a doubt or any uncertainty about it, then that just means it needs to be refined. 

When this is the domain of the military or law enforcement carrying out their duties, we remember also the verse in Scripture - blessed are the peacemakers - because law enforcement and military have the goal of making peace and keeping the peace.  "Peacemakers" are not skipping hippies with posies singing "Kumbaya," but are those people called to bring and maintain actual peace.  And, sometimes they wear a uniform.  This is why the whole "defund the police" crowd on the political Left are essentially immoral, because they don't want peace - they are following the opposite in many cases, a Nietzschean "struggle of will" mentality that seeks to bring anarchy and confusion to remake their own image of a utopian state, which oftentimes is the bigger nightmare (read Orwell's 1984 or Huxley's Brave New World, but also look what happened with regimes that started from that - the Bolsheviks, Nazis, Maoists, and every other totalitarian dictatorship started out that way).  In the case of a graded absolutist approach, no one should go looking for trouble, but we should always be prepared if it comes, and not just for us - we have our families, our neighbors, and our society as a whole to consider.  Again, to reiterate, don't go looking for trouble, but be prepared if it starts banging on your door.  

I thank you for enduring my ramblings on this topic, and much more can be said about it.  I will want to deep-dive it more once I read some more on it, but you get the idea.  A philosophical framework to our worldview is integral - philosophy is what we think, and theology is what we believe, and they are not in conflict.  Faith and reason are essential components in a balanced worldview, and it is time we stop trying to divorce them - that was the grave error of the Enlightenment, and thus it needs to be reversed in Christian thinking.  I will see you next visit.