Summer Month Observations

 I am entering my third week of summer break from my teaching position this week, and in all honesty it is a bit jumbled.  I feel both exhausted and unsettled, as we have faced some challenges (extreme unseasonable heat for a few days, porch pirates, and a landlord who, although a nice guy, has a micromanaging fetish).  If you have ever had that incomplete feeling, it is something that is a bit hard to process.  Nothing is necessarily bad, but you still feel a bit out of place.  I recall when we still lived in Hagerstown I never had that feeling because there was more purpose then to my life than there seems to be now.  I know I am in a time of rebuilding, but that can be sometimes a bit to digest as you essentially have to recalibrate almost everything in your own life as you try to regain your footing.  Then, being in inner-city Baltimore is almost like being in a foreign country.  I want to linger on this for a bit, because it is at the core of some of the other things I am feeling right now.

I have always liked Maryland as a state - sure, it is more expensive than perhaps my home state of West Virginia, but it also has its charms too.  Although Baltimore is the biggest city in Maryland though, there is something different about it that does not really reflect the rest of the state - as I repeat, it is like a foreign country.  I don't really feel like I fit here in all honesty, and ironically, I lived here when I was a little kid and never felt that then.  Perhaps it is because I live in a different part of the city - I am more acclimated to the west side of town where many of my own family lived for years, and only now am I just getting acclimated to the east side of the city.  It's not that the city is completely bad, not at all - some parts of this area such as Charles Village and Fells Point are quite nice.  But, I don't live in those areas, but in Harwood - Harwood is in the north-central part of town, off Greenmount Avenue, and it is almost completely demographically Black in population.  If you go two blocks south of our house, all you see is urban blight - garbage all over the streets, boarded-up rowhouses and businesses, and frequent displays of insanity from the local drug addicts as well as being accosted for "handouts" if you walk in those areas.  It is not a safe area either, as the potential to be robbed, murdered, or assaulted is eerily hanging over the area like a dark demonic cloud.  While this particular street we live on has been somewhat renovated, there are still problems - porch pirates are like a pandemic, and dealing with rude entitled Black people who think you owe them something just because your skin is lighter than theirs can be stressful.  Fortunately, I have the income and soon will have the credit to kiss this part of town goodbye, and at this point I am working on doing just that now.  The ultimate goal is to buy a house, but in all honesty I can even rent a more upgraded place in a better neighborhood until I am able to do that. Barbara is on-board with this too, as she is sort of feeling the same way - thankfully we still have each other as a divorced couple but also still close friends.  I want to talk about that a minute too because some misconceptions about divorce need to be cleared up.

Divorce is obviously a tragic thing, and I don't believe it is anything that anyone aspires to.  Even a generally mild and amicable parting in a divorce settlement can trigger a tailspin in life, and that has been the case for both Barbara and myself.  The mythos of divorce in the US is that it is considered to be liberating and a right to life, and the expectation is that a divorced couple has to hate each other.  Especially if a couple is Christian and may endure a divorce, it doesn't mean that they cancel each other out, as it is still possible to be friends with your ex.  There are instances, as a matter of fact, where exes often end up closer as friends than they ever were as a married couple, and if the parties involved are Christians, then it serves as a witness and not some freaky abnormality.  In Barbara's and my case, we ended up being still very close, and to be honest, she is like a sister to me and I love her as if she was blood relation.  Barbara and I have been there for each other, we have helped each other out, and even at times when we have been attacked for it, we know better thankfully and will always have each other's backs.  I believe that Barbara and I will always be close until one of us eventually passes on, and to be honest that is not bad at all.  This now leads to a couple of things I want to say about that.

Marriage is a sacred covenant, and a sacramental act.  Ideally it should be eternal, and the love of the couple should grow as the years advance.  But, we also live in a fallen world too, and things happen.  Barbara and I divorced not because we hate each other, but because some very serious underlying issues tainted our marriage for years - we had issues with fully trusting one another and some other things, and often external forces manipulated that and intensified it to the point we began to understand a marriage couldn't work that way.  In all honesty, we don't blame each other for that, and we now speak openly of the fact that what happened to us was neither of our faults, as we in a sense were both victims of the same thing.  A lot of things - from meddling in-laws to manipulative cult-like churches - messed us up almost from day one, and we both suffered as a result.  Because the trust was essentially destroyed, so was our intimacy.  A strong factor in a good marriage is that an intimacy should be there which bonds both partners in such a strong way that they almost breathe and think as one.  That intimacy is foundated on a pure love, a love in which each person gives their whole hearts to the other without question, and in giving one's heart, you also give your complete and total trust.  This is what it speaks of when the Bible says the two shall become "one flesh."  The ultimate fruit of that is children - a child is the true fruit of deep love, and the child embodies the "one flesh" of their parents because they embody the best of both. This is why the Bible is also somewhat strict on sex as well - sex is not something that should be a recreational sport, but it is instead a beautiful sharing of each other in a physical way that creates a spiritual bond.  That is why a lot of times this within marriage is not just called sex, but instead it is called making love - you are celebrating a beautiful love that brings you and your spouse to a new level, a oneness and bond that will be so strong that the couple cannot even think of life without each other.  While Barbara and I had a level of love in our relationship - we were always there for each other, and still are now - that is what we missed, that beautiful, united love that creates a soul bond.  It is something I know we both desired but could never let ourselves totally commit to.  But, I know what that love feels like, and it is perhaps the most beautiful thing a human being can experience.  And, that is why often it is exploited just for the feeling it creates - sure, sexual indulgence feels good, is enjoyable, and it does give some emotional crutch, but without the proper context for it, it becomes either an afterthought or a bad addiction - that is where pornography comes in.  Pornography is Satan's mockery of true intimacy, and so is its related vice of prostitution.  Those things tend to reduce sex to just a fleshly indulgence, and in the process it loses its special place in human relationships.   Likewise, the wrong types of relationships - this includes homosexuality - further reduce the sanctity of the marriage bed because it throws out the natural order of things and turns a slogan like "love is love" into an epicurean political statement that is based on unnatural intimacy.  That is one reason too I believe the LGBT+ movement has embraced the sin "pride" as its slogan - it is about personal indulgence and has nothing to do with true love.  No matter how committed a homosexual relationship looks - and they do try to push that in the public sector - it still is lacking elements that make it a true expression of love.  Now, it is not up to me to dictate behavior - people are always going to do things we either know are blatantly wrong or fundamentally disagree with based on principle, so nothing is new there - but it is a responsibility to share the truth even when it may appear controversial.  There are signs on some liberal churches in town here that say "all are welcome" with rainbow flags framing that phrase, but there are two things about this I want to say.  Of course, anyone is always welcome in God's house - even the most vile of sinner has a place there.   Secondly, unlike the sharia Muslim crowd or the extreme Fundamentalists among our own Christian faith, no decent Christian is going to advocate mass execution of gays or anyone else who engages in problematic behavior.  The best policy for dealing with people like that is to treat them like human beings, subject to the dignity any human being is entitled by divine law to have, but at the same time disagree with their choices.  If bad choices were cause to execute someone, the population of the earth would be drastically reduced because we all would be guilty in some way for something.  Rather, by showing a gay person or someone else who is engaging in a lifestyle choice that is not right a basic kindness, you may impact them.  Many a drunk, drug addict, criminal, and gay person has found new life in Christ because a follower of Christ showed love and grace to them, and often those people are so transformed that they are even unrecognizable afterward.  Grace converts inwardly, and transforms outwardly - that is how it works.  But, treating someone with basic human dignity does not mean we affirm what they do - we should not compromise our faith for anything, despite how popular it might be in wider society.  What it does mean however is that we approach them in the right spirit and attitude - Scripture says as wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove - and just be the witness to them.  That doesn't entail preaching at them, beating them over the head with the Bible, or constantly condemning them - no; it means we are honest with them about what we believe, but we also let them know that we value them as a fellow human being.  Until we learn this lesson as a Church, we will miss Christ's mandate by infinity. 

This balanced approach - being firm in our convictions while at the same time showing Christ's love to others - will ultimately be what converts the sinner.  There is no manual on how to do it either, and I cannot even say my approach will be something that works with you.  Some Christians can do the "in-your-face" type of testimony, and it will reach some people depending on the person.  Others can campaign for traditional values, yet also be there for everyone if a crisis happens - starvation and emergencies don't worry about if a person is gay or not, but rather if their survival is maintained despite the circumstance.  So, yes, give the gay person you see out there sweltering in heat a bottle of cold water to refresh them, and also never be afraid to do something even less grand such as giving directions to a gas station if they need it.  That is just basic human decency, and it respects all mankind as being created in God's image without affirming whatever bad habits or behavior they may engage in. I think it was the book of Ezekiel that says the rain falls on both the wicked and the righteous, and in Acts 10 the lesson is that God is not a respecter of persons.  To God we are all humans created in his image, and although his heart breaks at some things members of our race do, he still loves us regardless.  And, that is not universalism either - hell is real, and God doesn't send us there - we choose that fate.  Which is the last thing I want to talk about now.

There are some very narrow-minded types who like to, in the name of God, condemn anyone and everyone who disagrees with them.  One of those is a lady I mentioned some time back who was related to a former pastor of mine.  Will a person like that - who obviously displays a sin of pride - end up in heaven?  Let me suggest something very radical with that.  The Bible describes hell as an eternal lake of fire, and many saints and visionaries over the centuries have had visions of this place.  One thing that occurs to me is this - hell may or may not be a literal lake of fire, but it is a real place, and I have a radical idea of what hell will be like for some who cling to a prideful self-righteousness.  The prideful self-righteous Fundamentalist (or even traditionalist Catholic, as those exist too!) thinks they are on their way to heavenly bliss because they attack anything and anyone that even disagrees with them on what would be otherwise an inconsequential point. By becoming self-appointed "arbiters of salvation," such individuals isolate themselves.  Due to the lack of true conversion and grace in many people like this, they may be in for a delusion.  I believe hell for such a person will be something of their own creation that God allows once they get there - it may look heavenly, but it will be a lonely place for them.  Such an individual will think they are in heaven, but they will soon learn this is not the heaven God envisioned - it is a prison they constructed themselves, and God has given them what they want, complete isolation, even from him.  The fire will be internal and eternal for such people - they will be lonely, and their regrets, their cruelty, and their prideful self-righteousness will torment them through eternity even while they sit in what looks like a beautiful place.  That is an ultimate hell for the self-righteous who cloak hatred in legalism and religious jargon, and they attack others for maybe holding a belief slightly different from theirs - nothing fundamental to faith or anything, but just a slight detail such as maybe the earth was 10,000 years old rather than a literal 6,000.  Do those numbers radically alter faith?  Not at all, as those who would say one or the other would nonetheless agree in the fundamental truth - God created the heavens and earth.  But, to a self-righteous legalistic fundamentalist, it becomes a pivotal issue, so much so that they cut themselves off from other Christians and they become prideful in that they think they are the only truth on something that is frankly inconsequential in the greater scheme of things - Christ Himself describes such people as those who "strain gnats and swallow camels."  Therefore, the "heaven" they create in their minds will become their personal hell.  There is more I should say about this, but we will save it for later.

Thank you for allowing me to share this week, and I look forward to visiting with you again soon. 

Where's the Sign?

 I wasn't planning on writing again today, but a few things have been on my mind.  So much as a matter of fact that I am having one of those moments trying to figure out how to sort everything out.  I am in my second week of summer break from teaching, and I am also starting a certification program in Instruction and Leadership to enhance my professional skills, but to be honest that overwhelms me a bit too.  One of the courses I am taking has to do with the application of technology to the classroom, and to be honest I am a bit weak in that area because I am not what you would call a tech-savvy person.  I can navigate my way around a computer, and have rudimentary knowledge of a few things to function in that regard, but that is about it.  My housemate, James, is more versed in those areas as that is what he is doing his undergraduate degree in.  However, he would be of little help with the course I have because that requires posting a discussion, and then responding to two classmates about it.  I am in the process now of trying to figure out how to do that. Which prefaces today's discussion.

A few years back, a well-known comedian I enjoy watching and hearing by the name of Bill Engvall came up with a shtick called "Here's Your Sign," and part of it was pointing out a stupid question to something and then giving a clever answer - although Engvall is often called a "redneck comedian," to be honest the conventional wisdom he communicates in his routine is something that will make you pause and think.  I am trying to think of one of his more witty examples but for some reason they are eluding me right now - that is my "sign" that I am getting older, and I have been noticing it more in the past few years.  Signs serve an important purpose in life - they identify things, point you to a destination you are traveling to, and also serve as directional aids.  Without signs of some nature, we would all be in trouble in all honesty.  The theological definition of a sign is something that points beyond itself to a greater reality, and in a sense it is sort of directional as well.  So, when the sign is either absent or for some reason you don't see it, you end up confused. Now, let's get back to where I am at today.

Since last October, I have felt like I am traveling a back road without a road map, and there seems to have also been a conspicuous absence of directional signs too.  Oh, once in a while I get some idea of what I am doing, but for the most part I have felt like I have been suspended in Jello for the past several months.  There are several factors I want to look at which are contributing to this bit of mental limbo I am in, as in desperately seeking the sign I need, I wonder if somehow I am missing it.  

To begin, my teaching position has been keeping me really busy.  I am thankful for the summer break because in all honesty I was feeling somewhat worn out from my first full year teaching school, and in keeping busy I haven't been able to pay attention as much to things I probably should be.   Imagine driving on a busy city street like say, Russell Street in downtown Baltimore.  All the traffic, road work, and everything else means that a driver needs to stay extra vigilant on the street.  However, if you are driving on a busy street like that, you become too focused on the task and may miss a vital directional sign to get you on the path to the destination you are traveling to.  Work has been like that with me over the past several months, and frankly I feel like I am still trying to catch up to myself now.  When I read Josef Pieper's book about the vital role of leisure in our lives and the sin of acedia, and this has caused in turn a sort of atomization of society, John Horvat notes it the following way in his book Return to Order:

"In our crowded cities, many are lonely.  In our interconnected world, there are those who feel entirely isolated, tormented by apathy, boredom, and restlessness. Is it any wonder we cannot unite to find solutions? Is it any wonder that so many feel abandoned and full of anxiety?" (John Horvat, Return to Order. York, PA: York Press, 2013. 88)

What Horvat has addressed is the very definition of acedia - the idolization of busy work and distraction that causes one to lose focus.  And, the demands placed on us by society - our landlords, our jobs, our education, etc. - contribute to this lack of culture.  We are driving in a busy downtown venue but are missing the directional signs to know where we are going, so we are becoming lost in the milieu.  I once felt like that in Corporate America too for the many years I did office work, but who would have thought it would happen teaching at a Catholic school.  But, there is more, so let's go there.

One of the biggest casualties of a life of busyness is that if you are a person of faith, your religious life suffers.  Between being worn out from work and dealing with porch pirates stealing deliveries at your home, etc., your prayer life suffers.  God is the one who gives us many of the directional signs we seek and need, but we miss them because everything else has our focus and not him.  Since COVID and the orchestrated pandemic associated with it, I have probably missed more church in the past 5 years than I have in the previous 20.  We missed this Sunday - the Feast of Corpus Christi - as a matter of fact because of these damned porch pirates stealing things off our own doorstep - dishonest and evil parasites like porch pirates don't just steal your packages, but they also steal your peace of mind and quality of life.  Our focus has been on the porch pirates instead of on our eternal souls, and that is costing us dearly.  Satan does that to us as well - he creates distractions so we get thrown off balance, and then he can effectively neutralize us.  That was the lesson in Matthew 14 of Jesus walking on water that he was trying to teach St. Peter.  Peter wanted to go to Jesus on the stormy sea, and Jesus told him to come to him.  While Peter was focused on Jesus, he was successful, but as soon as a distraction like the howling wind came, he lost focus and began to sink in the turbulent water.  We see it also in stories such as The Lord of the Rings, where Frodo and Sam were being led by the creature Gollum through a bog, and in that bog were dead bodies from many battles.  As long as Frodo and Sam stayed on the path and didn't let the sight of the bog distract them, they had a clear passage.  However, when they started to stray off the path, they risked joining the corpses in that bog.  Now, in life maybe our stakes are not that high, but they still have consequences.  If you are so focused on the traffic and other distractions, you will miss the sign telling you where you need to go.  Then, Lord only knows where you will end up.  Signs therefore are integral to our life pilgrimage as well, and we have to pay attention to those signs and not the distractions of life in order to stay on the right track.  However, if you are like me, you learn that many times the hard way, as you wander off the path and end up someplace you don't want to be.  While it is not hard to get back on the path you should be on, it could take time to get back there.  So, we need to look for those signs and follow them. 

That is essentially what I wanted to share today, and I will more than likely be writing more over the summer as I have both the time and inspiration to do so.  Thanks again for reading, and will see you next visit. 

Averting a National Crisis

 Another special post today, this one dealing with the Israel/Iran episode, the 12-day war.  I am about to present an opinion on this that is a little uncharacteristic for me, but it does need to be said because more people feel the same way.  And, that includes our President, who made clear on no uncertain terms that these hostilities need to stop or else.  

There are two core issues in this.  First, support of Israel.  Second, regime change in Iran. I want to take these one at a time, and hopefully give a new perspective on the whole situation.

I have been a strong supporter of the state of Israel since as long as I can remember, and I still support its right to exist.  Israel IS the Jewish homeland, and the historical record backs that up.  That being said though, it does not mean Israel is perfect, and in this instance they made a boneheaded mistake.  After our own bombers successfully bombed the main Iranian nuclear facility a few days ago at the Fordow location, in all honesty it cancelled Iran's position as a major threat.  And, the Iranians sued for peace with us in a strange way - they launched six badly-aimed missiles at a US base on Qatar, but we successfully intercepted those too and no harm was done, and on top of it, the Iranians told us they were doing it!  That experience enabled Trump to broker a ceasefire between the two countries - Israel and Iran - and  everything looked like it was in order.  Then, just after the announcement, Israel launched MORE planes at Iran, claiming Iran fired a missile at them, which the Iranians flatly denied.  At that point, Trump had lost his patience with both countries, and in a very candid news interview, he said that Iran and Israel were both essentially acting like petulant children, and that they had been fighting so long that "neither knew what the **** they were fighting for anymore."  Trump's understandable frustration necessitated that little drop of his own bomb, in this case a proverbial "f bomb."  After chewing out Bibi Netanyahu earlier today over the whole mess, a REAL ceasefire was finally announced.  Now, if they don't get crazy and do something else stupid, maybe this war will be over. 

Our support of Israel's existence needs to be more nuanced in all honesty.  Just because they are a "Chosen People" does not make them perfect, and in recent years Israeli leadership has been doing some boneheaded things.  I dealt with one in particular, namely that Israel has been arming Azerbaijan to commit genocide against Armenians in Artsakh.  And now, they are trying to foment hostilities to start World War III with a hostile and psychotic ayatollah that rules Iran.  I will get to Iran in a minute as well, but want to say that we don't have to agree with everything Israel does - we can still support their right to exist, and even on Biblical grounds we can believe they exist for a reason.  But, they too are sinners just like the rest of us, and not every time an Israeli passes gas is it going to smell like lilacs.  Support Israel where support is warranted, but also don't be afraid to criticize them when necessary either. 

Now, onto Iran.  Iran is ruled by some rather maniacal and very radical individuals, and that nation has been in the grip of a bunch of religious fanatics since 1979, and our own left-wing politicians have enabled that.  That being the case, I fully would rejoice at a regime change there, but here's the thing - it is not up to us to make that happen.  We need to let the Persian nation liberate itself from the oppressive grip of the radical ayatollahs, and if history has taught us anything, we tend to make things worse when we try to initiate regime changes in that region.  In studying the history of the region, we may be culpable in giving Ayatollah Khomeini power because for some reason some of our career bureaucrats at the time wanted to get rid of the Shah, who was honestly a much more stable leader.  Well, we accomplished that, and the ones that took over were far worse and took our own citizens hostage.  I remember as a 10-year-old kid seeing that play out on the news on my grandmother Elsie's television.  Thankfully, the Shah has an heir, and his son has been talking recently.  While a regime change there would be great - especially if the Shah's throne is restored - it is best that we let the country handle it and keep our bumbling noses out of it.  Trust me, it will be much better that way if we can control ourselves from giving into the urge to get involved.  We did our part - Iran's nuclear capability has been crippled, and there is a growing unrest among younger Persians against the repressive puritanical rule of the Ayatollahs, and that gives hope.  Let the situation play out, and then offer support once they liberate themselves.  If we do that, the transition will be less volatile. 

These two nations - Israel and Iran - are the descendants of two great and ancient peoples.  We would do well to respect the legacies of both without blowing up half the planet in the process.  Israel needs to be called out when she is wrong, and Iran needs to remedy its own political system.  Doing those two things will carry much weight in the long run.  Thanks again for allowing me to share.

Heat Wave and Other Weekly Updates

 As I am writing this, our heat index in downtown Baltimore is unusual for this time of year - it was a sizzling 101 degrees yesterday!  While temps like this are not out of the question, it is unusual for it to be so soon in the summer - we usually don't have these types of temps here until at least early August.  Just a couple of things to say about this, and then we will move on. 

I can see it now - a number of leftists are going to start hollering "global warming," and Greta Thumberg will temporarily get her nose out of Palestinian terrorists' backsides to give us another of her dramatic "how dare you!" moments.  I don't see this as any evidence of global warming at all - it is just a fluke of the weather and more than likely will cool off soon enough.  Also, weather patterns like this mean the possibility of thunderstorms, and a good rain will be the key to cooling things off a bit.  The "climate change" doomsayers therefore can shut up and go back to eating their avocado vegan toast in their mama's basement. 

I also wanted to address an issue we have been dealing with the past couple of weeks or so - porch piracy.  For those outside of the big cities, you may not be aware of what this is, but essentially it is when some parasite with nothing better going on in their lives steals deliveries off of porches and doorsteps.  Many of them are so brazen that they do so in broad daylight, and in the past 2-3 weeks I have had two packages stolen, and a housemate also had some deliveries stolen as well.  Baltimore for some reason seems to be experiencing an epidemic of this behavior, and even the cops are ignoring police reports about it now.  While on one hand companies such as Amazon will recoup the costs of the stolen merchandise, it is still a bit disruptive to the normal flow of life.  So, being that cops here don't seem to take porch piracy seriously, I decided to take matters into my own hands and did so in two ways.

For those who know me, you know I love cats, and I have three of them.  One part of cat care is the infernal litterbox, and it can be one of the most challenging jobs to clean one of those.  Cat urine, unlike human urine, is extremely akalyne, and it reacts quickly with bleach or any other household cleaner.  I found that out several years back when I lived in Florida.  At the time, I was cleaning the litterboxes out on the back porch, and I made a bad mistake of pouring a combination of bleach and ammonia in the box as I was cleaning it.  What resulted was a chemical reaction which produced a small acrid cloud, and come to find out that could be extremely toxic.  When I did research later on how to effectively clean litterboxes, I found out that the best way to neutralize the odor is with something acidic, like white vinegar.  Now, for people who know me well, the smell of vinegar makes me very nauseous, and I hate the stuff.  It is an effective cleaner for sure, but for me I cannot endure the odor of it.  But, that day I made an exception to neutralize the litterbox toxicity I had created, and thankfully the vinegar did alleviate the toxic reaction.  Oddly too, the bleach and ammonia also neutralized the vinegar too, so what was left was essentially water after that - odorless and colorless water.  I tell that story to tell this one, and then I will get back to the main topic.

Cat litter can be tricky, and in order to make the job less unpleasant, it is important to choose the right kind.  The ones that look like small pebbles are the best as generally they will just dump out with no issues.  However, there is the other kind, a finer litter that is more like coarse sand.  That stuff is useless, in that it creates a stinky cement that takes forever to clean out of a litterbox.  I try to avoid that stuff at all costs, but when you have a grocery delivery service like Instacart shopping for you, often they replace what you order with what you don't want, and not wanting to waste money, you have to use it.  I think pet supply manufacturers should take that sandy crap off the market and instead stick with the more gravelly litter as it is easier to maintain.   That backstory now leads us back to our original thesis.

The noxious odors of a litterbox can be overwhelming at times, but in some cases that can be an effective weapon too.  When we were struck twice by porch pirate parasites, and the police report I filed was never followed up on, I decided to take matters into my own hands by creating a trap for the pirates.  In a small box that I had received a delivery in sometime back and still had lying around, I placed a small trash bag, and as I cleaned the litterboxes I filled that bag up with the most pungent litter (and a few cat turds for extra effect) and then securely tied it shut to contain the odor.  Then, I sealed the box with tape, making it look like a parcel being delivered, and I set it outside my door.  The heaviness of the litter would fool the scumbag attempting to steal it into thinking if it is that heavy  it must be valuable.  Then, I stuck it outside on the door step overnight to see what would happen.  And, wouldn't you know it, someone jacked it!  I would love to see what happens when they open that, thinking it is valuable merchandise they can sell to get their next crack or fentanyl fix, and they get that nasty surprise!  It is my hope that it may deter them from messing with our house again.  As an extra measure, we decided to invest in a secure package recepticle to stick outside as well, so that no one could steal packages.  Also, after my housemate reported theirs missing, Amazon is doing its own investigation as well to see if they can effectively reach a solution which would keep our deliveries safe and free of theft.  I only hope they are successful in doing so. 

Bottom line, porch piracy is one of the worst and most prevalent crimes, especially in cities.  People have important deliveries they are expecting, and the human vermin that steal those fail to understand they could be tampering with something important, such as life-saving prescriptions.  Of course, they don't care, because they are evil, selfish, and only serve to feed their own addictions which lead them to do stuff like that.  It is not because they are poor, homeless, or hungry either, I guarantee that - there are plenty of poor, hungry, and homeless people out there who do not resort to such tactics, and in all honesty they would probably be the first to stop such crimes if they witnessed them happening.  The typical porch pirate is not homeless or hungry at all - they are stealing merchandise to make a quick buck, and often they also may have addiction issues too.  In other words, they are criminals, plain and simple.  I have actually suggested that we should do to porch pirates what some countries like Saudi Arabia do to their thieves - you steal there, you get your hand chopped off.  A few extreme deterrents like that may cause this crime to dissipate in major cities, and that would be a good thing. 

So, we talked about cat litter and porch pirates, and the other aspect of my thoughts this week has to do with my search for a new house soon.  Thankfully, God's provision in recent months has made it possible to get some small credit problems straightened out, and being I also have been blessed with a good salary teaching, I am able to start considering buying a home for the first time in my life.  I know buying a house will be a process, but where I am at now was not meant to be a forever home - I live now in a small cramped room that essentially serves as a bedroom, office, and even coffee station for me.  While I live fairly comfortably, it is not what I am used to.  Given this is a time of recovery from a lot of things for me though, it also gives me a chance to plot the course of life I am going to be on for the next several years.  And, one immediate goal is getting the hell out of inner-city Baltimore and moving to a more compatible environment where you don't have to worry about getting deliveries stolen, etc. I will continue to document progress on that. 

On that note, I am due for a demo lesson that I get to observe and review for my school, which is happening in approximately 15 minutes.   So, I will go for today but plan on sharing more insights soon.  Thank you for visiting with me today. 

More Talk on Spiritual Abuse

 Some time ago, I examined the topic of spiritual abuse and it was perhaps one of my most beneficial articles I have written.  I wanted to draw from a rich reservoir of resources now to expand upon the topic, and perhaps write a book on it myself one day.  

I have already shared my story about being a victim of spiritual abuse myself.  The experience I had took place in a Pentecostal church that was part of a major denomination, and in regard to that it shed light on how some forms of Christianity tend to be more prone to abusive practices than others.  Recently, a Pentecostal minister named Dr. Steven Lambert authored two good books on this very topic, and I have his second book now called Charismatic Control: Witchcraft in Neo-Pentecostal Churches (Jupiter, FL: Real Truth Publications, 1997).   Lambert astutely ties abuse in Pentecostal and Charismatic churches to another phenomenon I have talked about - charismatic witchcraft.  Now, my definition of this is pretty basic, as it essentially means using a spiritual gift in such a way that manipulates and controls, and while that is simplistic, Dr. Lambert adds more to this.  In his earlier book that I will be getting later entitled Charismatic Captivation, he talks about this phenomenon as being a result of widely taught and highly authoritarian practices which originated with a sub-group of Charismatic churches called the Discipleship/Shepherding Movement (Lambert, Charismatic Control, 6).  This is partially true, but in some cases it has deeper roots that go back into the earliest days of the Pentecostal movement, and was partially a holdover from some of its more extreme Fundamentalist and Holiness roots.  I want to give a brief historical overview of the Discipleship/Shepherding Movement to kind of give some context. 

When the Charismatic Renewal movement happened in the late 1960s and early 1970s, people impacted by it tended to go one of three directions.  Some decided to affiliate with older Pentecostal groups, and denominations such as the Assemblies of God and Foursquare Gospel received them enthusiastically.  Others remained in their denominational traditions as Charismatics, and they participated in the various aspects of their church traditions in an enthusiastic way that did breathe some life into Catholic and historical Protestant churches.  Others, however, formed nondenominational churches that embraced charismatic spirituality, and that would lead to loose fellowships like the Word of Faith movement and other Charismatic schools of thought that emphasized a particular idea (prophetic ministry, healing, etc.).  This latter group is what brought the whole Discipleship/Shepherding controversy to light.  Many nondenominational congregations had a spiritual enthusiasm but lacked accountability and oversight, so some leaders in this movement felt the need to "shepherd" these enthusiastic new Charismatics, and they included a group of six noteworthy individuals - Bob Mumford, Charles Simpson, Derek Prince, Don Basham, Ern Baxter, and John Poole.  Forming a group in 1969 called Holy Spirit Teaching Mission, they wanted to establish a system of accountability in these new nondenominational fellowships, and in doing so they opened doors for abuse, so much so that in 1975 Pat Robertson and other Charismatic and Pentecostal leaders began to disavow and distance themselves from this group.  Robertson in particular was the first to identify their extreme practices as "witchcraft," and in doing so he is perhaps credited with identifying what is called "charismatic witchcraft," and despite some other unrelated controversies of his own, Robertson perhaps did the greater Christian community a service by identifying these movements as potential abuse opportunities (Harold D. Hunter, "Shepherding Movement," in Burgess, McGee, and Alexander, Dictionary of Pentecostal and Charismatic Movements {Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1988}: 784).  What was tragic is that this was not limited to nondenominational Charismatic churches either - the Foursquare church in Alabama where I experienced some of this was heavily influenced by this movement, and another version of it arose among non-Pentecostal Fundamentalists as well, the most notorious example being Bill Gothard's Institute in Basic Life Principles.  This began to garner attention in the early 1990s as more awareness of spiritual abuse (as it was now called) became public.  That is the next part of the story.

In 1992, a landmark book was published by Christian sociologist Ronald Enroth entitled Churches that Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992).  At the time this book was published, I had come to the conclusion that the Foursquare church I was attending at the time was not right - the pastor was growing increasingly more authoritarian, and condemning as "demon-possessed" anyone who disagreed with him.  So, when I found out about Enroth's book, I purchased it at a bookstore in Chipley, FL, and it has been one of my most valuable resources in my library since.  It was Enroth's book, as a matter of fact, that helped to put an identifying term on what I was experiencing, and for me that was revolutionary.  Enroth's work served to open doors for others to look into this topic, and since then literally dozens of books have been published.  As far as the term "charismatic witchcraft" though, the first mention of that came from a non-denominational Charismatic minister named Bill Hamon.  Hamon was part of a movement that emphasized the phenomenon of modern-day prophets and apostles, and at the time he had a church in nearby Panama City, FL, called Christian International.  He published a three-volume set of books called Prophets and Personal Prophecy, and although he himself participated in some other questionable things of the Charismatic movement, I believe he had a valid insight on this one.  He identified the misuse of a prophetic gift to control others by the term "charismatic witchcraft," and in putting that together with Enroth's research, it more or less painted a more comprehensive picture of what I had experienced in an abusive Foursquare church with a very controlling and totalitarian pastor. That was liberating for me as well, because I truly realized that I was not alone and that what the pastor was doing was not right.  In time other books began to appear on this topic, and I wanted to mention a couple of important ones now.  

Prior to Enroth's groundbreaking work, another important work was published a year earlier by David Johnson and Jeff van Vonderen entitled The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1991).  While not getting the widespread attention that Enroth's work did a year later, these authors -one being a pastor and the other a Christian counselor - did some groundbreaking work of their own. Their book dealt more with the evolution of an abusive church situation rather than case studies like Enroth's did, and their thesis stated that an abusive church did not happen overnight but rather rested upon a foundation of beliefs and practices which would nurture such an environment.  Chapter 4 in particular deals with this.  The authors identify several factors from which an abusive church situation could evolve, and among those are the following:

1. Learned powerlessness - this involves behavior on the part of the victims that results from not being equipped properly to aid in fostering confidence, as well as leadership setting restrictive boundaries that limit spiritual growth. 

2. Based in shame - reinforcing shame instead of guilt is a tactic of abusive leadership.  This means instilling in a following the idea that they are fundamentally defective and worthless, and thus only "the leader" has the key to telling them "their place." 

2. Performance - the acceptance of behaviors instead of upholding the dignity of personhood.  The follower is told that they are only accepted if they behave in a certain way the leader dictates. 

These three key elements are also supplemented by other things, such as different forms of manipulation, the impossible and hard-to-please "god," and an unhealthy preoccupation with fault or blame as well as filtered reality - the leader of such a group only feeds his followers what he wants them to know, and independent thought is highly discouraged.  If someone attempts to step "outside the box," they are labeled "rebellious," "demon-possessed," and ultimately "an enemy of the church."  This is a form of shunning in which members are also discouraged from talking to "outsiders," especially ex-members, due to the fact it may lead them to ask questions, and a dictator hates being questioned!  I experienced that first-hand as well in the abusive Foursquare church I was part of.   A lady in that church, who had served as music minister for many years, all of a sudden was found to be at odds with the pastor and his wife.  So, she ended up leaving.  Despite this, I was close to this lady and maintained a friendship with her for many years.  However, the pastor found out we visited her one day, and we got a sharp rebuke about talking to "enemies of the church," and it was at that point I began to understand that this pastor was doing something very wrong.  In time, I would suffer the same fate, as eventually I would be called an "enemy of the church" once I finally left.  In other words, basically the pastor viewed anyone who challenged his narrative an "enemy," and he could not risk members of his congregation talking to them because they might uncover things they should not know.  Eventually, that is exactly what happened to me.  But, despite some overcoming of psychological hurts I received, I count getting out of that cultic atmosphere as a true blessing - God heard my prayer and delivered me from that viper pit, in other words. 

Another book that came out some point later was focused on the recovery from spiritual abuse, and it was Barbara M. Orlowski, Spiritual Abuse Recovery (Eugene OR:  Wipf and Stock, 2010).  Orlowski is a Canadian counselor who has risen as an advocate for the abused and although I haven't given her book a detailed read as of yet, I feel it is a valuable resource for counseling those who are coming out of abusive spiritual situations.  She notes that the recovery process entails a number of important steps, including the following (Orlowski, 6):

1. Christians becoming reoriented after a negative experience.

2. Christians having a greater appreciation for the work of God's grace in their lives.

3. The power of forgiving abusive leadership.

4. Being able to articulate the experience clearly without resentment.

5. Being able to reflect positively on what one has learned through the experience.

I really appreciate the way Orlowski breaks this down, as to be honest that is what I am doing here.  The fourth - articulating clearly without resentment - is a therapeutic exercise, and a good means I have found in doing that over the years is through journaling.  I have mentioned before about how journaling helps, and that even blog articles like this are possible because of the practice one gets of writing down their honest thoughts - they are between you and God, and you are not obligated to show them to anyone unless you choose to do so.  I also identify with the second as well - a greater appreciation for the work of God's grace.  What is important here is understanding the role of supernatural grace, and as I have drilled into my 11th graders in their Sacraments and Morality class I teach, supernatural grace does three things:

1. It elevates

2. It heals

3. It perfects

In other words, none of us will receive the fulness of grace at once (only one mortal human being was given that gift, and that was Our Lady), and supernatural grace must be allowed to work within us to bring us to the place God intended us to be.  This is why legalistic and abusive church leaders don't like grace - they don't have the patience for it, and it also reins in their desire to control others.  If we are receptive to God's grace, we grow daily in it, and for Catholics it also means that the Sacraments play a role in nourishing us with that grace as well.  Because part of supernatural grace is healing, it takes time to do so - some wounds are very deep, and they leave ugly scars that stare us in the face every day.  Grace enables us to see past that and toward who God truly called us to be.  Grace is not denying the wounds, but using the wound as a witness to God's healing power through his grace.  As Ronald Enroth states in his second book, Recovering from Churches That Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994), we don't have to let the past rule our future (Enroth, 83):  or to put it another way as Mark Chironna once said, "our present position does not dictate our future potential."  If we let the past - even painful experiences like spiritual abuse - define us, we will limit ourselves.  That is why Orlowski's third point - forgiving abusive leadership - is key as well.  In my own experience, it took a while for me to forgive the pastor who caused me so much trouble, but in time I actually did, and prior to his death I was even talking to him and his wife on social media again.  It doesn't excuse what they did, and in all honesty that is on them, but I don't have to carry that around anymore.  And, that is another thing grace does as well - forgiveness has to be received as well as given, and for the offended person, it is important to develop an attitude of forgiveness, even if one's offender doesn't think they did anything wrong.  In other words, when (and if) they are ready to receive it, we should give forgiveness freely.  At times, that is some of the most painful growth too, as letting go can be tough.  But, as Jesus said, we have someone who can bear those burdens for us, and we don't need to carry them anymore.  So, what grace does is reminds us to pray for the strength to let go, and as the healing process continues, it gets easier with every passing day.  How forgiveness is cultivated largely depends on the extent of the damage and the person who was hurt - some can heal quicker than others, and that's OK too because none of us are exactly the same because God created us as individuals.  The important thing is being yielded - I again quote the famous evangelist Kathryn Kuhlman who said "God doesn't want gold or silver vessels, he wants yielded vessels."  Leaving ourselves in God's hands and trusting in his grace with our faith is what will ultimately heal us. 

That being said, we need to have compassion for the hurting who have been abused also.  Some of them will never step inside a church again unless God really touches them, but we cannot force them either.  Others go the other extreme and may become notoriously evil - Aleister Crowley is a classic example of that.  We don't need to arbitrate who people are based on reactions to painful memories they have - we are just reminded they need our prayers for God's healing in their lives too because they are badly wounded and may not necessarily be evil people.  And, although our own faith may be strong, until theirs is we need to exercise patience and compassion with such people, as what they need is support whether they admit it or not.  In time, some of these individuals may receive that healing, and when they recover they will be a more powerful force to reckon with because God took those hurts and turned them into strengths.  If this describes you right now, there are two things I need to say to you.  First, on behalf of sincere believers in Christ, I offer you my heartfelt apologies for what you have gone through, and in that be assured you are not alone.  Second, please understand that your abuser was the exception and not the norm - not all people of faith act like that, and we are ashamed of the damage individuals like that do.  Know also that God loves you, and he is not your enemy - he as a matter of fact wants to embrace you and let you know he loves you regardless of what some dictator in a pulpit made you feel. I am hoping that if you have been a victim of spiritual abuse, you know you are not alone - many of us have been there too.  We pray for you, and once you let us know who you are we will stand with you.  God's blessings until next time. 

Impending War

 This is one of those "special edition" posts I wanted to do because it is time to address the big elephant in the room - impending war.  As the tensions escalate regarding Israel and Iran, I feel there is a need to interject into the conversation a few ideas, and that is what I am doing this for. 

Let me upfront state that war is not a desire that anyone has unless they are so consumed with their own hatred they don't care.  A war is always a last resort measure, not a cure-all solution.  If things can be settled by peaceful means, then the effort should be taken to ensure that they are.  However, when all other options are exhausted, war may become inevitable.  This is an unfortunate reality, but it is true.  And, there is no real black-and-white to something like this either - a gray area always exists.  So, what do we do about Israel and Iran?  I have a few thoughts. 

Anyone who has followed me for some time knows that I am unashamedly pro-Israel, and always have been.  Israel not only has a right to exist, but there is a place in God's plan that necessitates it.  That being said, I also understand we live in a fallen world, so no one is perfect, and that includes Israel.  Despite my support overall for Israel, there have been some things that bother me over the years.  For one, I am a bit disappointed at Israel in regard to the Armenians - Israel is one of the few nations now that has not recognized the tragic reality that a genocide against Armenians was committed by the Turks in 1915, and even today, Israel's policies create some problems in that regard.  For one, Israel's continued support of Azerbaijan, which is openly conducting hostile operations against areas which are historically part of the Armenian homeland (Artsakh, or Nagorno-Karabagh, as others know it).  Israel supplies arms to these Azeri thugs despite what they are doing, and that is concerning.  For a nation of people like Israel who know what it is like to fight for their homeland, it seems somewhat bizarre that they would back an aggressor against other indigenous peoples of the region.  In all aspects, Israel and the Armenians should be natural allies, and in other parts of the world they actually work together - the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC, for instance has an exhibit that highlights the tragedy of the Armenian Genocide.  So, if in other countries Jews and Armenians can work together and recognize a shared tragedy, why can't they overseas?  A result of this stupid move on Israel's part to back Azerbaijan has actually pushed the Armenians closer to the Palestinian cause, and Israel may have shot itself in the foot because they are sacrificing a group of people who could be potential allies.  So, how does this relate to Israel's current situation with Iran?  

There is no doubt that Iran's ruling class are some of the most evil and despicable people ever to walk the planet.  The ayatollahs who have locked Iran in an ideological prison for almost 50 years are demonic in all honesty, and the nasty stuff they do is beyond reprehensible.  The ayatollahs are in reality a dark blemish on what is a great civilization - Iran, the home of the Persian people, has a rich history and has been pivotal in shaping Western civilization for millenia now.  Yet, the radical, perverted ayatollahs have almost driven the country into the ground with their repressive regime.  Oddly, when Iran had the Shah as its ruler, they were actually close allies of Israel - the late Shah was very friendly to Israel then and also was a benefit to his own people.  When you listen to the "mainstream" media on this (and they are often terrorist sympathizers themselves), to them the late Shah was this iron-fisted autocrat who oppressed his people, and at one time they tried to compare the demonic Ayatollah Khomeini who overthrew the Shah as a new Gandhi or something. Yet, it was Khomeini who caused his own nation to regress over centuries of progress, and it was Khomeini who was a violator of basic human rights to his own people.  I remember the day the Ayatollah took over - I was 9 years old at the time, and to celebrate his seizure of power, the Ayatollah took a number of Americans hostage as our week and spineless President at the time (Carter) let him get away with it.  However at the time Reagan was elected, those hostages were released.  Then, to cause more problems, Iran picked a fight with Saddam Hussein, an equally despotic tyrant but at least sort of a secularist, and a nasty war ensued for many years between them.  The US, of course, backed Saddam Hussein in that war, and in time we would regret that too as Saddam would be complicit to a degree in the 9/11 tragedy as well as invading a peaceful neighbor (Kuwait), which would lead to his ousting by the US and its allies.  The Ayatollah in Iran not Khomeini, who died years ago, but his regime in this case  - has outlived several other tyrants in the region - Saddam, the Assad family in Syria, Kaddafi, etc. Many of those individuals were the Ayatollah's rivals except the Assads, and although they were as ruthless as the Ayatollah's regime, they represented a different branch of Islam although many dictators in the region were nominally Muslim and had their own scuffles with Sunni radicals like Al Qaeda.   In time too, the Communists would lose power in the old USSR, and in a boneheaded show of bad politics, we would prop up a regime in neighboring Afghanistan - the Taliban - which was as bad if not worse than the Shias in Iran, and the foibles of our own State Department in that region created a huge mess we are still seeing fruit of today.  I often question the collective wisdom of bureaucrats in our own government with this as well, as we do some boneheaded things in that region that we should not be even involved in.  For some reason for instance, Carter was instrumental in the overthrow of a perfectly stable monarchy in Iran - the Shah - and allowed Khomeini to get control and then turn on us.  So, to counter Khomeini, we propped up Saddam in Iraq, and we later regretted that too.  Same in Afghanistan - we funded the radicals like the Taliban against the Soviets, and once they were in charge, they aided and abetted terrorists like Osama bin Laden to attack us.  In other words, much like our British predecessors who did similar boneheaded diplomatic moves, we failed in many aspects and many suffered as a result of our bumbling in that region.  And that leads to what is happening there now. 

The hostilities between Israel and Iran go back to the 1979 Revolution in Iran, when the Ayatollah basically declared war in the West and began to provide backing to Palestinian terrorist groups like Hezbollah.  In the interim, especially during the conflict between the Ayatollah and Saddam back in the 1980s and 1990s, Iran was beginning to play around with nuclear energy.  Oddly, as quasi-Luddite as the Ayatollah was about modern civilization, he had no problem messing around with WMDs.  So, over the past few decades, Iran has been experimenting with ways to arm itself with nuclear warheads, and they vowed to obliterate Israel from the map.  To the Israelis' credit they have understood the gravity of the situation, and have been trying to keep Iran in check through covert means, but in the past couple of weeks Israel has "poked the bear" and actually attacked Iran, and many question the wisdom of that move. While it could be seen - as the Israelis understandably see it - as a strategic move to prevent a bigger threat, it has sparked debate over whether this was a good idea or not.  In the US, it has almost split Republicans, as the hawkish group (mostly Establishment hacks) want war, but several conservatives say it is dangerous to provoke Iran because she has powerful friends (Russia and China).  To President Trump's credit, he is staying rather nuanced about the whole thing, and he has more or less taking a "wait and see" approach while also making sure we are ready if it is deemed necessary.  For that, he has caught a lot of flak from both sides, but personally his approach is probably ultimately a wise decision.  So, how do we break this down?

Israel has had some success in crippling Iran, and thankfully has not pulled the US into the struggle.  However, the bad news is that Iran is still nuclear-potential, and has a remote facility that can only be breached with a certain type of nuke we have but Israel doesn't.  In my opinion, Israel has done what it needs to do for now, and it has also fostered some anti-Ayatollah sentiments among the Iranian people.  If you want this to play out well, let the Iranians settle this themselves internally now, and let the opposition overthrow the evil Ayatollah and install a new government that could de-escalate things.  The Crown Prince, the surviving son of the late Shah, is eager to step in if there is regime change, and to be honest I would love to see the Shah's throne regained again.  Iran under a Shah would be more stable for sure, and perhaps it would lead the way to lasting peace in the region - or, at least as much peace as possible.  Israel for its part has done what it set out to do, so instead of launching more offensives at Iran, let things take their course now.  And, the US and other powers would do well to just stand back and see how it plays out before committing to anything.  A little common sense can go a long way in diffusing a possible global conflict.  But, do we listen?  That remains to be seen as American diplomacy in recent decades has often done more harm than good, and we have a group of career politicians who are bureaucratic boneheads in charge of things they probably have no business being in charge of.  But, that is the price of not completely "draining the swamp" in the Beltway, and as long as we have boneheaded self-serving politicians, even the best President will be limited by their control.  

More could be said on this, but these are just some casual observations.  I plan on keeping my own close eye on things there, and as things unfold I will comment more later.  Thanks again for allowing me to share. 

Keeping Records

 It is now Summer, and my first academic year as a full-time teacher is over.  In a lot of ways, I am extremely relieved because it was exhausting at times, but I will miss some of my students.  They have progressed onto their senior year now though, so I more than likely will be seeing them around next year though.  Also, with the prospect of new curriculum and other things, I am thinking next year will be smoother than this past year was, and therefore there may be much to look forward to.  However, I don't want to talk about work now - this is Summer break, so I need to decompress and relax, catching up on some things I need to catch up on. Let's start that now. 

Thinking more about Dr. Whitehead's box lesson I shared earlier, I have been inspired to pick up where I left off in my journal.  I have been journaling for about 29 years now, and the thing about that is that there are times when one's thoughts are really lucid and I can write 20 pages in a short time, and then there are long periods when I don't write at all.  I wrote my first journal entry in several months just a couple of days ago, and thinking about that, I wanted to talk some about what my plans are.

Since the mid-1990s, I have had two things simultaneously going at once.  The first is a regular journal.  In a bin just to my right here at my desk in my room, there are about 35 volumes of that journal.  Some are large beautifully-bound books, others are small spiral-bound notebooks.  But all contain most of my thoughts for the past 30 or so years.  A journal is a good outlet to talk about those things that often we cannot articulate to others or even do so in our thoughts, as if you are like me often your mind is racing so fast that 50,000 things are going through it at once and it is a little hard to sort out.  One other thing I have done over the years which is related to this is what is called self-directed speech - that means I talk to myself.  In the past, a person doing that would have been thought as being one drumstick short of a chicken bucket, but other studies of it suggest that there are benefits to talking to yourself, and I guess that sort of makes me a pioneer.  My journals are more or less my written editions of those vocalized thoughts over the years, but in that regard I have some regrets.  One of those is that I really should have started journaling sooner - had I taken it up when I was either in my teens or even as young as sixth grade, I think I would have had a more comprehensive record of things.  However two things preclude that.  I already have a huge number of volumes to carry around whenever I have to move somewhere new, and could you imagine the number those would be if I had started earlier!  Second, in my younger years I had an issue with being consistent - I would start something and then it would fall by the wayside.  Over the years I have improved in that regard, but a lot was wasted by inconsistency and procrastination that maybe would have made a huge difference.  Therefore, what I have tried to do is to integrate things I think about from the past into my journal entries now, and that seems to also help me have more clarity.  But, if I were to give advice to younger generations, I would still encourage them to start journaling earlier, because one thing a personal journal does is it gives a rich reservoir of material for other things later, and it does help one improve written communication.  It also serves as a historical record too, as in those journals you can preserve family stories as they come to mind and other things.  In essence, the journal becomes a tangible expression of your own thoughts, and it can be very rich in what it will eventually contain.  To that regard, I also recommend using it to write down dreams you have and other things, as I can attest to the fact that dreams are significant - not everything you dream at night is a result of too much pepperoni on that last slice of pizza you ate before bed, because your dreams can be windows to your own inner self as well as also divine messages - God has used dreams since the creation of mankind to communicate with us, and if a symbol or something else sticks out in a dream, it is a sure sign to pay attention because it might be telling you something.  Any rate, in some cases the journals can lead to other more ambitious projects, and I want to talk about the second thing now. 

I have always wanted to write down my own life story, as I feel that it needs to be preserved.  So, since about the mid-1990s, I have been doing just that.  The original impetus for this evolved from journaling back in 1996, when in a discussion with Mom at the house one day in Lakeland, FL, we were talking about our old dog Jill.  For some reason, that conversation with Mom encouraged me to start writing my journal, and only a few weeks prior I had been doing so.  After that conversation, I decided it was time to maybe tell my own story and for about two or three years I essentially wrote the first draft of it in my first journal entries.  Around 2006 or so however, I decided that the life story project deserved its own volume, so I began extracting what I had written in my journals and started to put them into other books, and that project is still ongoing.  At this point, my entire story - beginning with just before my birth until the end of last year - comprises about seven volumes of handwritten script.  I add a new section now at the end of every year to update it, and just finished last week updating 2024 and all that went on then.  So, what are the ultimate objectives and finished product of all this?  That is where we are going now. 

The life story project is something I want to continue until about my 60th birthday, at which point I will start to typeset all that into a manuscript and plan on getting it bound.  That means about 5 more years of working on it.  Now that my education is finished (with the exception of a short certification program I am going to start next week) I can begin to plan for a more summative agenda of my work, and as I do so I am constantly keeping track of and updating information.  Although my written volumes are a skeleton, the finished product will have a lot more information as it will be notated, and I also want to contain it all in two volumes.  The first volume will be a comprehensive family history going back to as far as I can go with it, and it will take substantive more work as a lot of annotation will be needed.  I have a shelf full now of family history volumes, county and state histories, and other resources which will aid in that aspect of the project.  The second volume is my personal story, which may even encompass two volumes once I add in the annotations and other material I want to add.  Provided my health stays good and I am able to do so, I want to have those bound and printed by the time I am 70, and in the last volume I will do a brief update of myself up until that time.  As the last surviving member of my direct family line, I take this as a very important responsibility because it is my own history, as well as being something that other family researchers can use as a tool.  I am quite sure it will have its share of differing opinions once it is read, and that is OK - to the critics, I say this; if you don't like my interpretation of events, then write your own, OK?  Critics are a dime a dozen, and the problem with critics as far a genealogy and life stories are concerned is that they think their own version of events is infallible, and God forbid someone present a different perspective.  What they fail to recognize though is that perspective plays a role, and in all honesty there are things in other family histories I differ with too, but I still value their work and I just use the information they have provided to tell my own story.  The underlying facts that an event happened will always be indisputable, but the interpretation of those facts are what makes the story unique.  In all honesty, two different interpretations of the event are not necessarily wrong either - it just means the event is seen from different perspectives.  The event is the same, but the experience may show it at different angles.  As long as people understand that, then it makes the research even more exciting.  My perspective on my own story and my findings on my family history is simply that - it is mine.  If you have something different, then you are welcome to write your own.  And, I would be excited to read yours too, and although I may not agree with some of your observations necessarily, I still appreciate the lens through which you viewed the same event.  

Another thing that evolved out of my journaling is blogging.  For about 15 years now, I have had a pretty consistent blogging project.  At one time, I maintained three blogs as those who have read my material know, but at this juncture I am exploring ways to consolidate everything into one site so it is easier to manage.  One important aspect of blogging that I have taken advantage of is the ability to publish your own posts in bound volumes.  I try to create a "blog book" every year in all honesty, and so far I have managed to compile every blog post into roughly 12 volumes at present.  That way, there is a further preservation of a written record of one's work in case a blog site goes down or something else happens.  Like my journaling and other projects though, I plan on only keeping regular blogs until my 60th birthday, at which time I will close out these pages and maybe create a website that contains all my work for future reference to anyone who enjoys reading these random ramblings I post.  I am exploring that option now, and want to briefly talk about that.

I will reach my 60th birthday in 4 1/2 years - November 2029.  In 2030 at some point, I am going to create a website for all my blog posts that will be more professional-looking and will be easily searchable and handy for someone to peruse.  I also plan on something else with that site - I am going to make the volumes of my past blogs available for sale, and plan on having a store where they could be purchased.  At that point, I am going beyond blogging to something different.  Some other books will be joining that inventory as well - I am going to publish books of Bible study guides, a cookbook, and a few other items based on the material in the blogs so that I can have a more concise way of sharing particular information with others.  The one reason I am wanting to end blogging, journaling, etc., in 2029 is because I want to focus on editing and enhancing previous material into separate books.  The Genesis study will be one of those, as there is a lot to put into that yet.  If you recall from my SPT blog, the Genesis study was a 37-part series I had originally used to teach an adult Bible study at an Anglican parish I attended some years back.  Since doing that study, a LOT more research material has come available, and I want to redo those in their own book so they can be a resource for teaching others.  It is a unique study on Genesis in that it is coming from the perspective of a Catholic Christian who also believes in both Biblical Creation (as a theological position) and Intelligent Design (from a more scientific perspective).  In this regard, that study will be packed with a lot of rich material that will enlighten others.   I also plan on doing my own book on spiritual abuse too - I am a survivor of that from a cult-like Pentecostal church in Alabama, and I feel many people could benefit from a resource like that too.  I am currently in research with that and will be doing a series of articles here soon on it once I get all my information organized.  And, I want to talk about that particular interest now.

Spiritual abuse is a silent malady that happens in so many places, and it is serious in that it imperils the spiritual lives of many vulnerable people.  After my experience just over 30 years ago under a very abusive pastor in a Pentecostal church, I began reading up on this as a thing, which to my relief I found out that it was.  Obviously, the first place to start would be Ronald Enroth's work - his book Churches That Abuse which was published in 1991 is a life-changing resource for me, and I still find it very valuable today.  Since Enroth's pioneering work, other books on the topic began emerging - Enroth himself wrote a second volume entitled Recovering from Churches that Abuse, and a few other ones include The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, which was published in 2005.   Others I have come across include In the House of Friends by Kenneth Garrett (published in 2020) and Spiritual Abuse Recovery by Barbara Orlowski (published in 2010), and there are others as well. The problem with spiritual abuse is that it empowers enemies of Christianity to justify their attacks on it, and it also blurs the line between orthodox theology and cultic practices, which in itself causes a crapload of confusion.  However, it is possible to still remain a sound Christian yet expose abuse in churches, and that is what I hope to do.  If Fundamentalists, Pentecostals, and even some traditional Catholics would understand how to stay faithful without setting unnecessary boundaries on their fellow Christians, spiritual abuse would be curbed in many circumstances.  I already have published a book of my own that contains some of my experience called Staying the Course in the Storm, but it deals with many other things besides spiritual abuse.  It contains perspectives on life I have noticed, as well as how I have dealt with and come to terms with different situations.  When I eventually get my new website up and running, I will make this available for sale too, but if you want one sooner, please feel free to write and I will hook you up with the way to obtain one. 

I have rambled about a lot of things today, as a lot was on my mind, but it felt refreshing to do so as I tend to have more clarity myself after doing so.  Thanks again for allowing me to pontificate, and will see you next time!