The Special Box

 I wanted to do a separate reflection today about something of interest over the past week.  When I was at the commencement ceremonies last week for our seniors at Cristo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore, I was intrigued by something the commencement speaker talked about, as it was actually quite an interesting concept.  That required some more reflection, as it led me to share something today. 

Dr. Karsonya Wise Whitehead is a Professor of African-American Studies at Loyola University here in Baltimore, and she also hosts a weekly show on a local radio station.  In all honesty, she seems a little left-of-center on the political spectrum so there is probably much I would definitely fundamentally disagree with her on.  But, as I get older, you learn that sometimes in the stinkiest of garbage dumps there are treasures to be found, and in her commencement speech last Saturday Dr. Whitehead had one of those treasures.  Let me kind of summarize what she talked about first before giving my own perspective. 

As part of her speech, Dr. Whitehead passed around a small wooden box to the graduating seniors.  The way she explained it was that her father had given her that on her first day of college some years ago, and he explained to her that in it was the prayers, tears, encouragement, wisdom, and so many other things passed through the generations - the "wisdom of the ancestors," so to speak.  The little box of course had nothing tangible in it, but that was the point - Dr. Whitehead was trying to tell the students that the most valued treasure they have cannot be seen because it is the wisdom their families imparted to them, and in all honesty, it was perhaps one of the most powerful and brilliant illustrations I have ever gotten the opportunity to hear about.  Sitting on the platform in my full doctoral regalia with my fellow faculty, my mind was racing as I processed what Dr. Whitehead was saying, and then my wheels started to turn in my mind a bit - I was thinking "this is good stuff!  I can make use of this."  So, I wanted to do a test run with it here to see where it goes.

Every person has a "story," and as I talked about before based on what another professor, Dr. Kenneth Archer, talked about in his book, that story is composed of a series of what are called CNCs, or Central Narrative Convictions.  The "story" that results is both communal (comprised of universals shared with others in a specific group) as well as individual (or incommunicables, those things unique to one's personal experience).  That means the story can be good, or it can be bad - an example of a bad "story" is the topic of my dissertation about the ideological origins of National Socialism.  The central narrative convictions that arise from personal experience can impact a person positively or negatively, and therefore the resulting "story" will reflect that impact.  I am not going to focus as much on the negative impacts, but rather how positive impact can create the story.  Those collective experiences therefore are exactly what Dr. Whitehead is trying to get across with the analogy of the box, and that is the direction I want to take her insights.

Within every one of our minds and souls is that same "box" - it is intangible, but it is still part of us.  We are given things to put into it - advice, wisdom from our elders, and lessons learned through experience. Our parents, grandparents, and others also add other things to that - their prayers, their hopes and dreams for us, and their encouragement.  How those things are collected in that allegorical "box" and then utilized are what will shape us, and that is the message I believe Dr. Whitehead was trying to get across to the graduating seniors, and it is a valuable lesson in itself.  Therefore, one can think of it either as a "box" like Dr. Whitehead does, or as a "book" as I often picture the same concept - both are valid and mean the same exact thing.  It is also a lesson that Tolkien included in his classic Lord of the Rings, as you recall that the pivotal character of The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, was writing his experiences into a book - he then passed that at the end of LOTR to his grand-nephew Frodo, and Frodo in turn would later pass it to his friend Samwise Gangee.  I am thinking that Tolkien was alluding to the same concept, and it is something we all should aspire to.  Let me elaborate further.

We as humans are hot-wired to tangible concepts, and even something intangible is best understood in tangible terms, hence Dr. Whitehead's box.  We can attempt to turn the intangible to tangible - we can write down things in journals, compile our own life stories (as I am doing), and find other ways to express tangibly our inner thoughts.  However, here is the problem - some things are not as easy to express in writing as we understand them in our heads, and therefore even the best and most unabridged stories will always miss some detail that will go to the grave with the person who possesses that whole "story."  Over the years, there have been other creative ways individuals have tried to express this same thing - the arts and literature are the results of those efforts.  As classic and enduring as art, music, and literature are though, they often cannot express that inner self of the artist the way they want to do so, and it can be frustrating for a creative type.  Again, we return to the idea of Dr. Whitehead's box, as this is where it fits perfectly into the equation.  The box represents those inexpressible sentiments and thoughts which exist in all of us, and the box is a reminder that there is more to each of us than meets the eye.  And, to drive her point home, there are many contributing factors to that inner dialogue - we are shaped by the wisdom, encouragement, and guidance of others, and Dr. Whitehead's box represents that too.  Dr. Whitehead's box then represents the things about us that are inexplicable, and that is where we put them.  We all have that "box" inside our souls - it was God's gift to us at our creation.  Although we cannot totally comprehend or express those things, they shape us in ways we don't realize, and that is why they are to be preserved and cherished.  I may write Dr. Whitehead and encourage her to write a book on this, as in all honesty she may be able to enhance my own thesis and I would be eager to read that.  

To use another pop culture reference, we all have a little bit of Forrest Gump in us when it comes to this - we have the experience a lot of times, but we don't fully comprehend either the experience itself or the potential impact it has.  We as teachers in particular are not fully aware of how we impact those we teach, but I guarantee someone is being impacted by us sometime and somewhere.  If we are fortunate, we may hear about it years later from that same student.  Perhaps the student in question was one of our "problem children," but something we did reached them.  I have had that happen with some of my least-favorite teachers when I was in high school too.  To share that example, let me talk about a lady named Dorothy Schwer.  She was my high school math teacher, and to be honest she drove me crazy when I was in class with her.  She was extremely strict - even the type of paper you submitted assignments with was strictly regulated.  As a high school senior when I took algebra with her, I honestly considered her to be the most difficult and most unreasonable teacher ever.  But, what I failed to realize then was that she had a very influential impact on my own math skills, and I actually ended up being better at math because of her.  So, Ms. Schwer was tough, and she seemed grumpy, but in all honesty, she ended up being one of my best teachers.  Turns out she had to be tough to teach us, and her methods were effective if outwardly strict.  She was an educator in the true sense, and she was devoted to her vocation although it didn't win her popularity contests with us as students.  Interesting enough, I am actually still close with her today - she has long since retired and is enjoying a good life, and she deserves to because she earned that.  The lesson here is what we may temporarily view as a negative impact may actually be quite positive, and those things are in that "box" too. 

There is much more that could be said about Dr. Whitehead's box illustration, but the bottom line is this - that "story" is inside of us, and whether we acknowledge it or not, a lot of things contribute to it.  We may never know the contributions and sacrifices made by others to help us be a success, but on a subconscious level it makes an impact on us.  That is what the box represents ultimately - those things we don't consciously understand but which contribute important material to our success as human beings in whatever capacity we end up - that includes everything from the gas station attendant to the nuclear physicist.  And, that is a valuable insight worth sharing.

Thanks for allowing me to share again this week, and will see you next time. 

Summer and Rest

 As I am writing this, our school year has officially ended.  Finals have been given, and all that is left is a few administrative things to wrap up over the next day before I can officially enjoy my summer rest.  There are things that have been on my mind recently and I wanted to just pontificate a bit today if I could. 

After our sudden and tumultuous move from Hagerstown back in October, it has been a major objective to restore life back to as normal as possible, and there have been times that has been challenging.  But, amid the challenges, I have some new perspective on a few things.  It is some of that I wanted to talk about today, as it is more or less a rebuilding of my own life.

Over the past several years, some challenges have led me to end up in a bit of small debt, and thankfully very recently I am starting to get those loose ends tied up for good.  Living in a smaller place with less expenses is a good time to focus on that, and thankfully some of my creditors have provided some good settlements and I am slowly conquering everything in that regard.  Making a much better salary also helps, as I have the means to make some things happen.  By September, as a matter of fact, I plan on being pretty much on-track with everything, and that will be a huge boost. 

Another aspect of my re-establishment is my music collection.  As you know if you have followed this blog for a long time, I had a huge music collection of a lot of vintage recordings from classic dance bands, and in our move from Hagerstown a large portion of that was unfortunately lost.  I have been on a rebuilding effort of my collection, and thankfully I had a large number of my more collectible LPs salvaged and they are safely housed on a large shelf directly behind me in my room here.  I also am starting to get a recovered CD collection, and while I am not anticipating it to be very large this time like my previous one was, it is getting off to a good start.  I have slightly over 100 CDs again, most consolidated in two or three collections I was able to get, including the Time-Life big bands collection as well as the whole "Your Hit Parade" set, which has recordings dating from 1940 into the early 1960s and contains practically every important recording ever made during that timeframe.  I also did manage to recover some of my rarer vintage items, such as collections by pioneer orchestras such as Harold Yerkes, Joseph C Smith, the Six Brown Brothers, early Carl Fenton, James Reese Europe, Art Hickman, Ford Dabney, Wilbur Sweatman, very early Guy Lombardo and Fred Waring collections, Isham Jones, the Benson Orchestra of Chicago, W.C. Handy's Band, and others.  My next bigger acquisition will be a collection issued by Archeophone Records called the "Phonographic Yearbooks," which is a set of about 3 dozen CDs that feature major recordings made between the 1890s and 1923, with each volume focusing on one year in that span.  If I get those, the Time-Life "Your Hit Parade Collection" and the "Phonographic Yearbooks" together will constitute a chronological set of musical recordings that encompass several years - the only thing missing would be a set from the late 1920s and early 1930s, which I am wagering does not exist yet.  Additionally, the advent of the small flash drive has also made possible the acquisition of a ton of other stuff - including a lot of rare and obscure material - that almost replaces every recording I lost.  Like everything else in life, many things are merely material, and therefore they can be replaced.  However, the challenge in doing so can be an overwhelming task, but I know recovery is possible.  

Another aspect of the past few months has been Barbara.  As many know by now, although Barbara and I are divorced, we are still very close and are like a brother and sister.  We still look out for each other, and we now are even back under the same roof together.  In a way, this is probably a huge blessing especially for Barbara, who has been facing some serious health challenges.  Beginning in January, she has had issues with both her diabetes and her blood pressure, and three weeks ago she was hospitalized with a slight stroke.  She is very apprehensive now, because she also had lost her job and due to her health her driver's license is now threatened.  I really believe somehow this will all work out for her, but she does need a lot of prayers.  The events of the past few years have taken a huge toll on both of us, and there is recovery still needed.  But, so far, God has been in everything, and I see no need to doubt him now either.  

Now to talk about Cristo Rey.  I am not overly sure what to think about my experience there.  On one hand, it is the most money I have ever made, and I am thankful for that.  Also, it is my actual career choice, as I am teaching school full-time and have just completed my first academic year.  However, it can be stressful too - I am up against many challenges there, including some conflicting political sentiments, issues with some of the students (many of them are minority students, and some of them are a huge headache at times), and the fact the interim principal has been a bit of an issue.  The interim principal is a nice enough guy - as a matter of fact, you would not want to meet a better human being I don't believe.  However, as an administrator he can be a bit - and how should I say this kindly? - confusing.  He is obsessed with meetings, and also one of those individuals who has to overcomplicate things when there is no necessity for doing so (like myself, he is a Ph.D. too, so that may have something to do with it).  To be honest, working with him has been a significant percentage of the stress I have dealt with during the school year this year, and other teachers feel somewhat the same way about him.  Given I was sort of tossed into this mid-semester when I started, and I didn't have an established curriculum to work with, it was rough.  But, somehow I managed to get through even if I was flying by the seat of my pants.  Thankfully, next year a new principal is coming in, and given we also have a fantastic new department chair who got us standardized curriculum plans, I think a better year may be possible next year at the school.  However, I am also extremely grateful I get the summer to heal up from the past 8 months, because I really need it.  So, what are the plans for my summer?  I suppose a little preview is warranted here now.

One of the first things I want to do this summer is a little self-improvement.  I am planning on getting some dental care, tying up some proverbial loose ends with my finances, and I am also planning on my first overseas trip if all goes well - my destination is the Philippines, and I have a special reason I will share at some point for going there.  I also have a couple of other new things I wanted to give more detail on, so here those are now.

I mentioned about getting some more professional education to help with my teaching vocation, and a door opened up recently.  My alma mater, Liberty University, is offering a 21-credit certificate program in Curriculum and Instruction, and I am already registered to start that June 23.  That also means a little more funds in my hands as well, and that will be a tremendous help also.  It may prepare me for a possible assistant principal opportunity later.  I really didn't want to be doing more coursework, but in this case it will look good on a resume having it, so I am taking the opportunity while I can do so.  I will share more about that journey as I progress. 

The other thing that is significant is that my credit is going to be at a place soon where I can actually think about a new place of my own, and this time I am looking into buying my own house.  While living in this rowhouse in the heart of East Baltimore is a home for now, it is not what I would consider a "forever home."  I knew from the day I moved in that it would not be someplace I would be staying a long time, but it also was a good opportunity to recover a bit and regroup myself, and that is how I am viewing it.  The landlord is nice enough - one of the best I have ever had honestly - but there are other issues.  The house here for instance needs some serious work - there is a dangerously weak floor in the kitchen, and the wiring in the place is not the greatest either.  Also, there are bad neighbors - a group of people live on one side who are essentially halfway house residents, and they are a bit to handle at times.  One is a guy who I honestly thought was a lesbian when I first saw him, and there are cops there all the time and just a lot of activity that concerns us.  A couple of doors down in the other direction is a nosy old Black lady who fits the description of a "Karen" - she is constantly in our business, and she is always sending stupid emails to our landlord complaining about garbage, feeding local birds, etc.  I have a seriously low tolerance for any "Karens," and to be honest a "Karen" deserves to be destroyed. If this woman - her name is Mary - continues, she is going to get confronted about her meddling and told where to go.  I have enough things to deal with and honestly don't need a stupid "Karen" nitpicking us.  Also, a "Karen" can be potentially dangerous, especially if she is in some sort of leadership capacity.  I have been watching these videos about "HOA Karens" on YouTube recently, and some of those stories are frightening - there are stories of these "Karens" poisoning medications, burning down structures, and even endangering children all in the name of "maintaining property values and aesthetics."  I don't think our Mary "Karen" is that dangerous, but the fact these people exist does make one pause with concern.  And, that leads me to a bit of a rant.

Many people know about HOAs (homeowner associations) and the types of issues they pose.  The original purpose of an HOA was to represent residents in the communities that implemented them, but oftentimes HOAs get off on power trips and start doing some bizarre and downright invasive things to people who just want to live in peace on properties they rightfully own.  If you own a house, NO ONE has a right to tell you what to do or how to live in it - your hard-earned work and money went into getting that home, so you should be able to enjoy it how you choose.  Obviously, if you are planning a terrorist attack or trafficking illegal drugs, that would be a whole other issue, but most homeowners don't do that and are law-abiding citizens.  The HOA however tries to tell them how high their grass has to be, what color they should paint their own mailbox, etc. - it is frankly ridiculous.  If an HOA was what it is supposed to be, then its job should be to advocate for the residents, not to control them.  And, as the YouTube videos I have been watching demonstrate, the HOA is a breeding-ground for shrill, obnoxious control freaks called "Karens," and this is a potential risk.  "Karens" who want to stick their noses into other people's business and act like they are overlords have no place in an organization of any sort, whether it is a corporate environment or even a church committee.  Individuals like this have psychological or emotional issues and cannot exercise their responsibilities in a respectful way.  Luckily, in recent years with the rise in awareness of HOA abuse, governments have enacted regulations which constrict the authority and potential overreach of such bodies, and that is a good thing.  Also, the videos which bring this stuff to light are also catalytic in reining in authoritarian and abusive leadership so that the rights of all are respected.  While I still question the existence of formal HOAs, I think more informal resident associations would be more constructive and also would be able to preserve the common good without crossing lines they should not cross.  I will more than likely have more to say on that later, but you get the idea of where I stand. 

So, here is a summary - I am ending an academic year with my first teaching position, am anticipating a long relaxing summer break to rejuvenate myself, and I am in the process of getting my life re-established in a way that I can feel like myself again.  On the latter, there has been significant progress, and soon maybe even a home I can rightly call my own for good.  We all go through seasons in life where old chapters can abruptly close and we find ourselves thrust into a new chapter in life, but it's all for a reason.  Challenges are not necessarily bad either, as they are often a means by which God gets our attention - he uses those challenges we face to call us closer to him, a lesson I have mastered over the past year.  Life will never be completely perfect, but God created the human spirit to be resilient, and if we rise to the challenge the rewards are worth it.  I have been re-watching one of my favorite shows recently, Swamp People. This program - a huge hit on the History Channel - focuses on a 30-day timeframe in the region of south Louisiana where a number of Cajun, Creole, Indian, Black, and other hunters harvest alligators for a living.  Watching that, you see the challenges these very remarkable people face - they deal with weather, interference in their hunting domains, and tight timeframes to complete a season.  Each hunter invests in a number of tags, and as they catch a gator, they tag it before taking it to their buyers.  These tags are costly - if the hunter doesn't tag out, there are penalties for it, and many of these guys make their sole yearly incomes from this.  That naturally creates stress and tension, but when you see these guys succeed, you find yourself cheering them on because they are doing something many of us would not have the stamina to do.  I had the privilege 10 years ago of meeting one of these individuals, Troy Landry, when he was at the Strawberry Festival in Plant City, FL.  Troy is perhaps the most loved and most popular hunter on the series, and he has a personality that instantly draws people to him.  When I got the privilege to meet him and actually shake his hand, what struck me was how tough and calloused his hand was - that dude wears his experience!  You have to marvel at that, because it is the merit badge of a hard-working individual who takes his responsibilities seriously.  There is definitely a spiritual lesson in Swamp People that can be gleaned, and one day I may tackle that.  I say that to say this - those gator hunters on Swamp People share much in common with us teachers - we both face limited deadlines, challenging product (the students I deal with can be as onery as some of those gators, believe me!), but when you start to reach that finish line, it is all worth it.  As my own year comes to a close, I think it is no accident that I am re-watching the entire series, as I am starting to see myself in a similar way as Troy does - hard work, but with its own rewards.  

Thank you for allowing me to share, and as I sign off because I have to make a trip with Barbara to take care of some business, I am looking forward to seeing you again next time.  

Close Calls and Wrapping Up a School Year

 This past few days have been somewhat a roller coaster in a figurative sense.  There is a bit to cover so I will begin by just chronicling what happened.

To begin, some good news.  I have had a bit of an empty space in my heart since losing Lily at Christmas, and my goal was to find another Tortie cat like her.  I have been on the search for one over several months, and many of these possibilities were dead ends.  However, about two weeks ago I began expanding the search to look in Washington County, our old area, and the Humane Society there.  Turns out they had a 1-year-old Tortie named Electra who would have been perfect.  So, last Thursday Barbara had some business in Hagerstown anyway so we decided to stop by the Humane Society and check it out.  Electra was there, and she was really a cute little girl, but there were a couple of issues.  She was recovering from a surgery, but also she tended to be a little more temperamental and territorial than I wanted - with Mickey and Tippy at home, it would have created problems.  However, in the next cage there was an adorable little tabby mix named Rocky who captured our hearts almost instantly.  After some deliberation, I decided he would be the one we would choose, and I set it up with the desk lady.  A couple of days later, we got the call that he was neutered, microchipped, and ready to go, and on Saturday we went and got him.  It turns out he was the perfect cat for us - he was young (1 year) and he was also little, and he had the most outgoing and affectionate personality.   So, we got him home, and he is now very well-adjusted and is doing wonderfully.  And, the more I am with him, the more I love the little guy - he is the cutest and sweetest little animal anyone could imagine.  So, I anticipate a long and happy life with him. 

However, this bit of brightness was not without issue.   Barbara for some time has been having some serious health issues - her blood pressure and her sugar levels have been through the ceiling. She became a serious risk on Thursday after a visit to her doctor in Hagerstown, and they gave her a potent blood pressure medication called clonodine.  Unlike the relatively mild Lisinopryl I take, clonodine is extremely potent and can make a person drowsy.  The idiots at the clinic in Hagerstown where she went gave her a whopping three times her regular dose, and it was a scary ride home as I had to work overtime to keep her alert.  I had a brief experience with clonodine myself a few years back when I had an elevated blood pressure level and did not have my Lisinopryl at the time.  Barbara gave me one of those clonodine tablets before I went to sleep, and my goodness, that thing knocked me out!  My heart rate I recall dropped dramatically after taking it, and in all honesty Barbara was scared for me.  While in general my bp is good, I am hoping not to go on something like that in the future, because it is a dangerous drug.  Then, last night, Barbara decided she needed to go to a Walmart to get her diabetic supplies (test strips and lancets), but the problem is that in Baltimore you have to travel a considerable distance to find a Walmart.  We ended up going all the way out to White Marsh,  which is east of the city, and that drive was scary as well.  I was never so glad to get home than I was last night, as that ride was scary.  Barbara had elevated blood pressure and sugar levels, and she was dizzy, disoriented, and really in no condition to drive anywhere.  By the miraculous grace of God we managed to get home, but I told her that until a doctor stabilized her, she is better off not driving those distances for the time being, as it could be dangerous.  She thankfully agreed, and for now is confining her driving to just local destinations within a few miles of the house.  This morning she was doing somewhat better, but she still has some work to go.  And, she also had to spend Sunday night in the hospital because she appeared to be having either a TIA or stroke episode - she called me from the ER and her speech was very slurred and she was not doing well at all.  Yesterday, a home health care professional paid her a visit and checked her out, and she also now has her full complement of medications now.  Hopefully she will be stabilized soon, and she needayqs a lot of prayers. 

The other big thing I wanted to mention this week was that we are nearing the end of the school year.  In all honesty, I am ready for it to end because teaching full-time can really take a lot out of a person.  For people unfamiliar with teaching, it is often assumed that a teaching job is cushy and easy, but in reality there is a lot of responsibility involved.  For one thing, if you teach kids who are either minorities or lower-income (in the case of my school it is both), that creates a special level of challenges as some of these kids can be a handful.  Also, there are records to maintain, grades to post, and we have a principal here who is both calendar-crazy and meeting-obsessed, so he calls meetings at the drop of a hat and many of us who are teachers here find that to be a bit inconvenient.  While the principal himself is a nice guy, at times I don't think he fully comprehends his duties, and he tries to be micromanager as well as thinking every little thing requires a stupid meeting.  Fortunately, his tenure as interim principal is up at the end of this year, so we will have a far more capable leader in charge next year, and the current principal will be back to teaching classes like the rest of us.  Although the job has its challenges, I am happy to say there are also good things about it too, and I wanted to share one of those this week.

Although I only check my faculty mailbox sporadically, I went down and did so yesterday because I had to write up a student who seems to have a bad fascination with peppering his conversations with the "f bomb," and after repeated warnings I had enough. So, I wrote him what is called a JUG.  A JUG is essentially a serious student violation slip that will often earn a major consequence for the student's actions, and we write those out when a student has a discipline issue.  I don't like writing those in all honesty, so I use them sparingly as I have other ways to address the issues.  But this one student - I will call him Jake here to protect his identity - is a real pain in the butt.  He has an attitude, and he also loves using profanity and seems to do what he can to push the limits.  However, Monday I had enough so I issued him a JUG and my guess is that he will have an in-school suspension at some point.   I said all that though to get to what I found in my faculty mailbox once I took the JUG slip down to give his advisor.  In the box was a large posterboard, and on it the students had written some really nice things to me as their teacher, and it was one of the sweetest gestures I have gotten since being here.  It is amazing that when you start questioning whether it is worth it, God sends these little messages to remind you what it is all about.  While Jake and Jenn are two of the more negative manifestations of bad behavior of the students, it is a reminder to myself that most of these kids are actually good kids and they have unlimited potential.  I have seen some of them really shine in my classes too, and I am personally proud of them.  And, I will definitely treasure and keep that little "love note" from my students, as it is a beautiful expression of their appreciation and it really made my day.  Now I want to talk about another student who surprised me this year too.

Daniel is one of my regular students in the first class I teach.  Originally, I thought of him as kind of a pain, but for some reason he seems to really be drawn to me and I am really starting to like him.  Daniel is basically a good kid, although he can be a challenge at times, but he has an endearing quality about him and I respect that.  And, in this case, Daniel is his real name.  Daniel is smart, does very well on his work, and in recent months he is even displaying a growing maturity.  I have a feeling I may be seeing more of him next year, and that is not necessarily a bad thing - if he comes out of his high school experience being inspired and motivated by something I have showed him, then that makes it all worthwhile. 

There is not a lot more I need to say for this week, so I think I will wrap up until later.  Thanks for your visit, and look forward to seeing you soon. 

The Summer Season Knocks on the Door

 It is really interesting as I write this, but for the first time in many years I am actually looking forward to summer.  Maybe it is because I am working in the school system now, and much like the students anticipate summer, so do teachers - while being an educator can be rewarding, it can also be extremely taxing and I really need some rest in all honesty.  I am thankfully on the doorstep of a long rest, as tomorrow is the last official class day for the students - the remainder of the week will consist of a baccalaureate Mass for the graduating seniors, the commencement ceremony itself at the Archdiocesan cathedral, and then final exams next week for everyone else.  As I write this now, I cannot help but remember my own anticipation for summer break back many years ago when I was still a student in school.

My later childhood and middle and high school years saw a gradual evolution of my summer interests.  It began with the normal childhood pursuits of fishing, tramping around in the woods near the house, and building forts and other activities with a few friends.  As I came into middle and high school though, I began to do more things by myself - experiments with cooking, wildcrafting by gathering wild garlic and other things, and some occasional summer travels to my dad's in Georgia, where I would often hang out at my aunt's houseboat near Blythe Island outside of Brunswick.  And, I began to develop a musical soundtrack to my summers too, which included songs such as Mitch Miller's "Songs for a Summer Night" and Frank Sinatra's "Summer Wind."  A part of me misses those days in all honesty, and now being confined to a big city, I miss it more.  A small-town mountain kid from West Virginia, I am prone still to some culture shock even after being in cities for many years - Baltimore is not my first city, as I have lived in the Tampa Bay area for many years too.  But, even after exposure to the city, I still miss the small towns and farms I grew up around.  I also for the first time know the feeling of being a minority.  The Baltimore of 50 years ago, which was much more diverse, is now largely homogenous in terms of population - it is, like Atlanta, a majority Black city now and many former rich ethnic enclaves in Baltimore are now largely Black neighborhoods and they are prevalent with urban blight and decay.  Many small businesses are now closed, including the corner stores that one could find all over the city years ago, and garbage litters most of the city.  The more affluent neighborhoods in the cities are made up of upper-income White liberals, and at times the poor Blacks are easier to deal with than them.   Historically ethnic neighborhoods - predominantly Polish Fells Point, nearby Little Italy, and Greektown - now have a different composition.  Many of those areas where Poles, Italians, Greeks, and others once lived are now predominantly Spanish-speaking.  Little Italy could now easily be called Little Salvador now because of the growing number of Salvadorans.  However, oddly enough, many of the newer Spanish-speaking communities are generally decent people, and even among my students some of my best performers are Spanish-heritage students.  For the most part, the Blacks are too, and many of them are friendly on the buses and in the stores downtown.  But, the political and cultural atmosphere of the city here has been a bit of a culture shock for me personally, and there are days where I can go through a part of the city and all one sees is Black faces.  That in itself is not necessarily problematic, but the radical politics which often infects those communities is.   Unlike semi-rural Washington County 70 miles away, Baltimore is staunchly a liberal Democrat city, and even my more libertarian housemate here (who is himself Mexican-American) feels uncomfortable about sharing his views, and I personally try to steer clear of conversations about politics with both my students and my fellow teachers, as many of them hold these views too.  This leads me to a couple of interesting observations. 

I know, for one thing, that it is no accident I am here.  God brought me here for a reason, and I am where I am supposed to be.  That being said, I also know this is only a season as well - in time, I will move onto another place where I can do what I am supposed to do.  It is those things, as well as an active faith, that keeps me going.  And, that leads me back to summers.

I have reminisced before about what it was like as a kid to be entertained by simple pleasures - like when I first got into vintage big band music and would often stay up by myself at night in our kitchen in Kirby, WV, listening to Henry Boggan's Sunday night program on WBT-AM out of Charlotte, NC, and as I did so the window would be open with a gentle breeze in the little kitchen of our mobile home, and I only had the small stove light on in the kitchen as I listened while nibbling on saltines with butter and really sugary instant coffee.  Later, when we took care of an elderly woman in Terra Alta, I would spend my evenings late at night listening to either those radio programs or my then-modest record collection as I laid on my bed with the window open and my small globe lamp.  I would think and self-direct conversations, as well as later journaling or drawing, as I did that, and I also would do extensive reading as well.  Those simpler times were precious memories for me.  These days, I don't have as much liberty to do a lot of that like I used to, but I do have my moments of solitude and can enjoy that too.  Maybe in retirement in about a dozen years I will have more time to pursue true leisure like I once did, not being enslaved to the culture of acedia like I am now.  

Those are some of the week's thoughts, and I will wrap up now and grab my dinner, as I am writing this at home today.  Thanks again, and looking forward to next week's visit.  

The Challenges of Life

 As I write this for the week, I am in a very fatigued state.  As the school year is winding down, the effects of dealing with five classes of precocious high school juniors is being felt.  But, at home other things have been happening too which are worth note.

I mentioned that Barbara moved back with me in the house back in March, and in all honesty, it was probably a wise decision both on her and my parts.  Since around 2004, Barbara has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes as well as with high blood pressure, but now that she has reached her 60th birthday, her health issues are starting to manifest more now.  Last Thursday, as I was getting ready for work, Barbara said that she was really dizzy and then her left arm went limp and she ended up dropping her toothbrush down the sink.  As anything like this is serious, I called 911, and an ambulance arrived on site to assess her situation.  They ended up taking her to the ER at the local hospital, and they admitted her soon after.  She ended up staying until Saturday, and when they released her the diagnosis was serious.

Barbara, it turns out, experienced a mild stroke, and she was also diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and vertigo as well.  She is home now, but it has meant a few adjustments.  For one, I am back to taking the bus to work, and this morning that proved challenging as it is raining out and the driver on the 21 Route was sort of an idiot - she was not paying any attention to bells when people requested stops, and I almost missed mine.  I have dealt with the issue of public transportation before here, especially in Baltimore where like almost every other service it tends to be ran in an arbitrary fashion and doesn't take into regard the customer's wishes.  Buses, delivery people, taxi drivers - they all tend to do their thing whenever they feel like it and it can be very frustrating if you are on a schedule and need to get to work or to an appointment.  It also seems to be a trait my students have as well, as many of them outright ignore due dates for assignments.  I am still convinced it is a principality spirit over Baltimore, but I could be wrong too.  Any rate, the adjustment means getting up at 5:30 again, and then hanging out at the coffee shop in the afternoon while I wait for my bus transfer.  On the positive there however I did win a free coffee for knowing that Frank Sinatra's favorite booze was Jack Daniels - sometimes it pays to be a music collector!

That is really all the reflection I have for this week, so I will leave it there and have hopefully some better insights next week. 

This Week

 I am not too inspired to do a catchy title for this week's discussion, so we will just self-title it "This Week."

There is not really a lot of earth-shaking stuff to say about this week, except that I am feeling happy that this year is about over - the group of kids I had were a challenge to say the least.  Also, upon starting this year late, I was proverbially "thrown to the wolves" with no textbooks for the classes I teach, and I had to come up with my own lesson plan for the year.  That was rough!  Thankfully, our new department chair is working on remedying the textbook issue for next year, so it should go much more smoothly.  Also, a change in administration - the school has just selected its new principal for next year, and I hear he is really effective - may aid in a smoother year next year.  The current principal who is an interim is a nice enough guy, but he leaves the impression that he doesn't know what the hell he is doing either and it has been more stressful as a result.  He will be teaching only next year, which means he gets to face some of our issues.  Hopefully that will give him a better appreciation for what his instructors have to deal with. 

I know it sounds like I am grousing about my job, but in reality I am thankful for it - it is the highest salary I have ever made, and it is also my first full-time teaching assignment which is definitely a change in career path now.  That being said, there are issues to face - one being that often I feel like a fish out of water ideologically as I am in essentially a liberal hotbed, both theologically and politically. This school is after all administered by the Jesuits, who are themselves a radical and controversial order.  So, despite the fact I teach Theology here, I cannot teach it like I want to in fear that it could stir up issues. That has nothing to do with the Jesuits specifically, but with the nature of the school itself - the faculty and student body are both comprised of many non-Catholic individuals,  and for a Catholic institution that creates a bit of a mess.  I have attempted to navigate it as best I could but at times it does prove interesting to say the least.  I am not planning on making this a long-term career though, and have my own feelers out for other things should the opportunity present itself.  In the meantime, I have renewed for another year here, and that will buy some time to look into my options at least.  And, it is also job security.  

The upside to this week is that we are approaching the end of the year, and that means it is not quite as intense of a work schedule for the next couple of weeks.  In total, we have maybe at most 10 actual classroom instruction days, as there are other events scheduled as the year wraps up.  However, I am feeling it now - I feel fatigued and a little burnt-out as the year wraps up, and there are days it is hard for me to get out of bed when that alarm goes off.  And these kids - most of them are minorities, from lower-income families, and there are behavioral issues with them.  While the overwhelming majority of them are generally OK, there are some consistent problems with some of them and I am at the point where I am just glad I don't have to deal with them as much.  Not to sound like it's racially-inferred though, the fact of the matter is that some of the worst offenders in my classes tend to be Black kids.  I have a high number of Hispanic students too, and although they are not perfect, for some reason they tend to be more manageable in class than the Black kids are.  And, that leads me to a couple of interesting observations for the week I wanted to share.

The seniors at this particular school are required to do what is called a capstone project.  Generally, these are projects I would associate with graduate- and doctoral-level courses, but they have those here for high school seniors.  Essentially, what the student does is focus on an issue related to social justice, and they do the research, ask questions, and propose solutions to the issue they address. The "social justice" aspect of this sends up some red flags, as the politically-liberal bent of many faculty here makes for some weird paths these students go down.  As part of the process, underclassmen and their teachers are invited during certain times to sit in on these, and I got to sit in on two of them over the past couple of days.  The one yesterday raised some interest, as it is both a good topic but also has some interesting debate.  It focused on food banks and what are called "food deserts," meaning areas where markets for purchasing food are not readily available.  The students who presented these proposed two excellent ideas I felt like could be practically implemented in some communities - one was community gardens, an idea I have always supported, but then one of the students proposed what are called "food depots," and that intrigued me a little.  As the student eloquently explained in his presentation, a food depot provides affordable (and nutritious) groceries in communities that lack grocery stores and markets, and based on the model of the business, they are essentially self-financing and have their own dividends.  It is a great idea actually, especially here in Baltimore, and it would also solve another problem as well.  Anyone who has visited Baltimore knows that the rowhouse here is a common fixture, but so many of these rowhouses are now abandoned and they look crappy.  While the City of Baltimore tried to implement an incentive program of selling some of these to developers who could renovate them at rock-bottom prices (some for as low as a buck) it is inadequate as a solution.  As the student mentioned, some of these abandoned rowhouses could be renovated and turned into food depots for communities lacking markets, and that would help.  It would be like resurrecting the small convenience stores and restaurants that used to be found on the first floors of many rowhouses years ago but are now gone.  But, that would only account for a fraction of the abandoned properties.  I think another feasible solution would be for some nonprofits to buy up those things, renovate them, and make them into transitional housing for the homeless population to get them off the streets.  Given that Baltimore winters can be brutal (this one sure was!) this would not be a bad idea.  Also, maybe it is time for Baltimore to get a big facelift and just demolish a lot of these abandoned rowhouses and open the land up for something more productive.  With Baltimore's population in steady decline, there is no need for a lot of ratty-looking abandoned buildings, so get rid of them!  And, given there are tens of thousands of rowhouses in the city (and I live in one now), there would still be plenty of them left to give Baltimore its uniqueness. Anyway, that is just some proposals I would have expanding what our students talked about on that topic.  

Another topic addressed on Monday was this idea of the minimum wage.  Many well-meaning individuals want a wage hike without fully understanding the ramifications that would entail.  I am personally all for a living wage - people have to earn their livings, so yes, a reasonable salary is logical. However, this is where it gets murky, and the question is what is an acceptable living wage?  Some political pundits - left-wing of course - have proposed as much as $25 an hour, but is that wise??  If that were to happen, it for one thing would create an endless cycle of higher taxes and inflation, thus necessitating even more wage increases, and that would prove disastrous for the economy in the long run.  Another problem is who this would affect?  A huge corporation is not going to pay much attention to wage hikes because they benefit from two areas.  First, they can increase prices to pad their own profits, thus causing more inflation.  Secondly, they would start looking for cheaper labor in places like India, China, and the Philippines, where wage laws are more lax and they could pay workers there practically nothing to do the same jobs an inflated minimum wage would demand here.  That too would be disastrous for American industry.   Also, it is no loss to the big companies - they can be compensated by higher prices of their goods or outsourcing for cheaper labor to other companies.  However, who it does affect badly is the small business owner.  A ridiculously high Federal minimum wage would practically bankrupt a small business, who may be already struggling.  The small businessman does not have the same leeway as the corporate CEO, so they don't have the resources to meet the challenge.  Therefore, perhaps the Federal government should get their noses out of wage issues and maybe delegate that to states or local governments instead.  The solution therefore should be something that benefits everyone - the laborer, the small business owner, and the corporate executive.  Until that is realized, potential problems exist with politicians legislating things they are too stupid to know anything about. 

All of these issues address a common theme - there needs to be an overhaul in our society one way or another.  There are systems in place now that do not work, and perhaps it is time to junk them and think about better ideas and options.  Until we do, America will never achieve the greatness it could have, and no other nation will either.  

That was a little political soapboxing today, so stay tuned until next visit.  Thanks again, and have a good remainder of the week. 

Special - Picking a New Pope

 I am writing again this week as much has happened.  Yesterday, after the Papal conclave, it was announced that we have a new Pope, Leo XIV.  He is significant in that he is also the first American Pope (he was born and raised in Chicago) and at the relatively young age (for a Pope anyway) of 69, he is guaranteed to have a long tenure.  He is the former Cardinal Robert Prevost, and he served as an Augustinian missionary in Peru.  So, who is this guy?  There is a lot to discover about him yet, and I wanted to give a couple of preliminary observations.  

On the outset, it looks like Pope Leo XIV by all indications is a lot more centrist than his predecessor, so that is a positive.  He has made some good statements condemning radical gender ideologies, and he also is uncompromisingly pro-life and pro-traditional marriage.  Additionally, the fact that he made his first appearance after being named Pope in more traditional papal vestments also speaks well for him.  He also took the name Leo, and the last pope that had that name (Pope St. Leo XIII) was one of the best Popes the Church has had.  These are positives.  However, like anyone who is high-profile and also being a human being, he has a few imperfections too that are somewhat concerning, so I will address those next.

It seems that the new pontiff was somewhat lax on the sex abuse scandals that rocked the Church some years back, and although he has perhaps remedied that it will no doubt still haunt him throughout his papacy.  Also, despite the fact he is thankfully more nuanced than Francis was, he does have a few controversial takes on immigration, and he has been critical of El Salvador and Trump's stance on that despite the fact that both Trump and the President of El Salvador are combatting very real threats to society (notably dangerous MS-13 criminals) that leftist politicians seem to be fighting them on - I am totally appalled at how the political Left is so supportive of dangerous criminals when they totally ignore people who have been victims of those scumbags.  This may create a few issues later as well.  No Pope in the past several decades has been perfect on everything - even John Paul II had some faults, and in all honesty I loved his papacy - so I can perhaps deal with a few things like this.  And, now that I have analyzed Leo XIV's initial impressions, let me give a couple of conclusions.

I am cautiously optimistic about Pope Leo XIV - he seems to be a Pope who wants to heal fissures in the Church, and I am completely supportive of that.  However, I am hoping he does not turn into the radical that Francis was, because in all honesty I am ready to jump a sinking ship if the Catholic Church continues down that trajectory Francis pushed it on.  For me, the Polish National Catholic Church is not out of the question, and I would even go as far as to even return to the Continuing Anglicans if necessary.  I am uncompromisingly Catholic, so Evangelicalism is not even an option.  However, if I need a new church home, I am keeping channels open.  This Pope was just elected, so it's going to take a little time to see how his pontificate shapes up.  And, that will determine my course in the long run as well. 

Thank you for allowing me to share in an uncharacteristic second reflection this week, and I will see you next time.