Busy Week Reflections

 This is the first full week of classes I have had at Cristo Rey since I started here a couple of weeks ago, and it has been challenging to a degree.  For the most part the kids are actually decent, although there are some issues in my first-period (we call them "Codes" but same idea) class.  Overall though, teaching full-time is a new experience for sure.  But, as Fr. Grassi told me, I am here to be a beacon of truth, so that is what I plan to do. 

Being I am teaching the kids about the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I have learned to incorporate some real-life examples into the lessons.  One thing that I found handy was this "Baltimore smell" - if you are out and about in town, there are times when you are hit by an offensive odor that smells like skunk spray, and it can be a bit overwhelming.  For a time, I was actually blaming it on BO from the large population here, but turns out that is not what it is.  Given that the city has an extensive natural gas network, leaks can happen from time to time.  The leaks can be very dangerous because they are odorless, so the powers-that-be needed to include an indicator of the leak to alert people that it is happening, and the way they do so is by adding an element to the natural gas called mercaptan.  Mercaptan is a sulfuric compound that also is present in garlic and onions, as well as in cat urine, body odor, flatuence, and halitosis, and of course skunk spray which is why it has its distinctive odor.  The smell is reminiscent of a combination of garlic, urine, sulfur, and rotten eggs, and it can easily create a gag reflux as it is so pungent and vile.  Why the city here chose one of the stinkiest compounds in nature to prevent toxic exposure is a case of the cure being as bad as the symptom, but perhaps they have no other alternatives.  So, how does this relate to a theology course dealing with Sacraments?  Let me share the illustration I gave to my classes.

Right up the road here from the school is a beautiful park called Patterson Park.  It is serene, well-maintained, and a nice place to take a morning walk.  Given it is fall here, the crisp autumn air, the beautiful changing leaves, and just the general aesthetics of the place are something worth enjoying. So, imagine walking in a park like that, enjoying some personal time as you walk and reflect, and all of a sudden that pungent mercaptan smell hits your nostrils - not pleasant, is it?  In life, sin is like that too.  Given we have a fallen nature yet God still sees us as good and loves us, life can be going along nicely but then the stink sets in, if even briefly.  It reminds us that we are in a beautiful yet imperfect world because of the Fall, and even in the best of circumstances we can have issues.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation helps to remedy that - it is like a spray of Frebreze that eliminates the sin and restores the beauty of life to us.  And, we need it often, as we are all prone to sin and concupiscence.  This was a good way to introduce that topic to the kids, and they related well to it as everyone in Baltimore does hate that damned smell!  I wanted to share that because in teaching, we have to use things familiar to convey simple truths at times, and if we can effectively do that, we reach people.  I am publishing it here for a similar reason too.

Sin is a reality, and we all encounter or face it every day.  Like the mercaptan smell on the Baltimore streets, it can hit us suddenly.  It either does so by commission or effect.  By commission, I mean that in a weak moment we all can screw something up.  By effect, it means that someone else's screw-up can impact us and alter the course of our day too.  Either way, the important thing to remember is that we are human beings with limits, and like the bad mercaptan smell, the rough moments too shall pass. An inconvenient stinky smell we can easily resolve is definitely preferable to the catastrophic effects of a toxic leak, and perhaps that is the reasoning behind why Baltimore's city government sanctioned mercaptan use.  Likewise, those inconvenient moments happen, and it is up to us how we respond to them.  We can turn a small stink into a toxic leak, in other words.

Any rate, that is my word for the week, and as I get closer to year's end, this has been perhaps one of the most prolific years of writing on here I have had.  I do print these into bound books, and given the past couple of years I have been doing two years to a book, I have a feeling this one will be quite large. Any rate, may you have a good remainder of your week, and we will see you next time. 

This Week's Thoughts

 As I write this, it is getting chillier outside as it is mid-November.  Also, I got my first paycheck from my new position, so that is exciting.  The reason I am writing this week is for a couple of things, so I will get started.

First, as many of you reading this know, I reached my 55th birthday this past Saturday.  Barbara came up for the weekend and it was a simple yet enjoyable time.  It is based on her visit that I want to chat a bit today.

Barbara and I have been divorced for just over 3 years now, but we are also still very close as friends.  I did not go into the details of why we divorced, because frankly those details are no one's business, but it was a very civil divorce and we ended up still being close friends despite that happening.  Barbara and I have known each other now for almost 35 years, and we started out as close friends years ago when we were both still in college.  So, we have history together, and it is actually a very good history.  Barbara is still my best friend, and she is like a sister to me, and we both feel the same way about that.  We are actually closer as friends than we ever were when we were married, but it is a good Christian witness to others.  Not every divorced couple has to be mortal enemies, and the fact that happens so much is tragic.  Neither Barbara nor I hold anything against each other for what happened in our marriage, and to be honest we were both victims of some external forces that exacerbated the whole issue.  Because of that, we can freely talk about things, and it is actually nice to be close to her still.  There is a special dimension to our relationship I wanted to share now, as it is integral as to why we still are close.

When Barbara visited this past weekend, it was actually a bright spot in an otherwise chaotic week.  Having to get used to a new job, and a lot of lifestyle adjustments since the beginning of October, it felt good to be able to have a comfortable and familiar experience with an old friend.  Honestly, Barbara and I both missed each other - she now lives almost 40 miles away in Rockville, and I am in downtown Baltimore, and it is an adjustment for both of us after we have lived under the same roof for over 30 years.  And, we talked about that and both feel this way.  Although we both have roommates at our new homes, neither of us feels complete - after all, our entire way of life was uprooted and it has been a challenge to meet for both of us.  However, there are times we can visit and just have a bit of diversion, and that is nice - we both need that.  Nothing really special - for this past weekend, Barbara got me a cake and a pizza for my birthday, and that was nice just for its simplicity.  We also notice when we have to leave how much we miss each other - something as simple as the old cat food and water dishes from our old place triggers feelings of loss.  We both feel that too.  As we eased back into our weekly routines on Monday, it felt like a part of us was lost.  I don't know about how other couples who have experienced a divorce feel about this, but there will always be a connection with a former spouse even after the divorce.  What made it easier for Barbara and me is the fact we are still good friends, and that made it possible to be close.  Will we ever reconcile and enter into a marriage again?  With every passing day the possibility of that is less, but if God opened that door I would be fine with it.  Barbara and I are both seeing other people at this point - we have been divorced for almost 5 years and annulled almost 3, so we are free to pursue other relationships now and are doing so.  But, we still will always have that connection, and to be honest, it is a wonderful thing - Barbara is a wonderful person, and she has been a blessing to know, both as a former spouse and as an eternal friend.  I just felt led to share that. 

The other thing was a bit of unsettling development at the Jesuit high school I am teaching at.  As many know, the Jesuits are somewhat controversial in regard to their inherent liberalism as well as some flirtations with heresies over the past couple of hundred years.  There are two things about the Jesuits that are positive though.  For one, they are stellar educators, and that vocation is not lost. If I am going to teach, a Jesuit institution is a good place to break in a career.  Secondly, not every Jesuit is evil either - for instance, Fr. Mitch Pacwa is perhaps one of the most amazing individuals, and his speaking and writing are phenomenal.  Also, over the years I have gleaned much wisdom from some Jesuit writers such as Fr. Norris Clarke as well as Henri de Lubac and Romano Guardini, whom I believe were both Jesuits.  However, unfortunately for the most part Jesuits have been troublemakers for the Church, particularly in their embrace of "liberation theology."  The campus minister at the high school for instance is a fan of the heretical and racist theologian James Cone - I read James Cone's book in my Master's program, and in all honesty, there is nothing Christian about it.  Cone first of all politicizes the Crucifixion, comparing it to the "lynching tree," and this is not orthodox theology.  Jesus chose that way to redeem fallen humanity, whereas many innocent Black victims of the atrocity of lynching had no choice.  Also, Jesus's redemption of fallen humanity is not to be looked at as a social justice action - the purpose of the action was to draw people to Himself, and to reconcile them to God by overcoming sin and death.  It is especially true that theologians of all people should know better than to try to politicize the Cross.  And that leads to all this talk about justice.

While the pursuit of justice is noble and should be inherent to our nature, it cannot be divorced from the salvation of souls.  Our first mission as Catholics is the salvation of souls, and justice will be a fruit of that conversion once it happens.  The grace of God is transformative, and it drives one who is drawn closer to God to seek betterment of themselves.  So, as the soul is saved, the surrounding society then will be transformed.  But, we have to keep the focus right - just focusing on justice in a political sense without the saving Body and Blood of Christ leads to an empty dead work, and it is futile as it will fail.  Man tends to turn to ungodly means to achieve these objectives, and this is what happened with many Jesuits.  And, in this, I include the campus minister here - the guy is a nice guy, and I believe he is sincere in his passion, but he is also misguided and that tends to be a problem.  This is especially true when teaching the kids at a school like this - these kids need to encounter the real Jesus, and the teacher in a class may be the only way the Holy Spirit works to open that for them.  Therefore, again, we must get the priorities in order.  I was admonished by Fr. Grassi, my parish priest, to be a beacon of truth in this place, and that is what I will be.  While the very liberal sentiments of the campus minister in particular are disturbing, I cannot let that detract from the vocation God gave me.  And so I won't.

Any rate, that was just a couple of thoughts I wanted to share today, and hope they will inspire and bless others.  Thank you, and will see you next time!

Back to Work

 Here we are now, a bona fide Theology teacher at Cristo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore.  As I am writing this, I am actually spending a lot of the day in parent/teacher meetings along with my fellow faculty members.  I am getting to know some of them, and it has been a pretty easy day overall, albeit a LONG day.  Mind you, this is very different than what I was used to, as I have been out of full-time work for over 4 years in all honesty.  But, God has been in every step of this, and I am going to make this work.  There are some minor issues - for one, there are some socially liberal fellow faculty who think that the school's Catholic identity "hinders" their more progressive visions of things (my question is why these individuals are not in the public school system if they think like that?).  But then again, the administrators of this school are Jesuits, so there you go.  To the credit of the Jesuits though, one thing they have always emphasized is excellence in education, so if I am to teach in a Catholic school, I guess a Jesuit academy is a good place to start. 

My schedule entails five classes teaching a course called "Sacraments and Morality," and for the most part the kids are actually quite good to work with.  Of course, they are typical teenagers, so they will have certain quirks, but that is to be expected.  However, compared to the short time I subbed in the public school system in Hagerstown, this is actually a decent group.  I am teaching 11th graders, and it has been a fairly easy transition from teaching 6th-graders in CCD as a volunteer.  I am also one of only 3 faculty (including the principal) that possesses a doctorate, although I think the President of the school is also pursuing one as well.  I am actually looking to have a very decent tenure here, and with a good salary I cannot complain.  

As I mentioned, getting to this point has been a series of one miracle after another, and while things are not ideal yet - Zoe my rabbit needs to be rehomed as she is very loud at night and I have lost a lot of sleep because of her.  I also still have Mickey, Barbara's cat, as well, and juggling taking care of him with the two of mine is a challenge, especially when my home has been reduced from a three-bedroom mobile home to a single rented room in a Baltimore row house in a questionable area of town.  Then there is that smell out there - every once in a while, a putrid aroma like skunk spray hits my nostrils, and I was wondering what that nasty smell was.   After all, a huge city like Baltimore is not exactly crawling with wildlife (unless you count the squirrels and pigeons) so skunks are not in huge abundance.  I found out that this nasty smell is called mercaptan, and it is the same substance one can find in both flatuence and halitosis.  Now that I know what it is, it does ease some anxieties though.  After all, standing at the bus stop at the corner of Greenmount and 25th in downtown Baltimore is not what you would call a beautiful neighborhood, but in reality no one ever bothers me there.  All in good timing, I will eventually get a better house. 

On that note, we are still talking to the occasional parent who stops in, and it is honestly not necessarily a bad thing.  Being I have only been here a week, I don't know many of these kids yet, but at least the parents will know me as their kids' teacher.  However, it promises to be a LONG night, as we need to stay here until after 5.  But, I am salaried now, so it goes with the territory.

That catches up things for the week, so I will stop at this point and will have some other pithy insights next week.  Thank you for allowing me to share, and will see you next week!

Pet Peeves About Pets

 I wasn't planning on writing again so soon, but there has been something on my mind that I have to get off.   As some of you know, I had a bit of a shake-up in my life that has resulted in essentially starting over again in a new place.  Now, when one has pets, it exacerbates the situation somewhat in that the extra responsibilities of pet ownership can cause some difficulties in finding a place.  Many landlords (rightly so) are not keen on potential damages a pet can cause - cats and dogs can pee, scratch and chew up things, etc.  If I were a landlord I would have similar concerns of course.  Therefore, what I am about to say is not an issue with a landlord or property manager, but rather with some other entities.

Some years ago when I lived in St. Pete, FL, my cat Oreo had a significantly large litter of kittens - she had seven to be exact.  At the time, my wife and I lived in a 1-bedroom apartment on the 8th floor of a high-rise complex, and it was a bit of a challenge.  It was complicated more by trying to rehome the kittens - no one wanted to take them, and I was feeling stuck with them quite honestly.  When we finally did get someone who would take them, the people who came were so stuck-up that they just looked down their noses at our home in a very disrespectful way, and it was frankly irritating.  Then, they charged us a "donation" of almost $100 to take them.  But, at least they did.  However, having dealt with that on many occasions, I have some major issues with pet rescue places that need to be aired today.  They relate to other things, such as getting some aid or something for an adverse situation one finds themselves in, and it shows the deficiencies in what are supposed to be nonprofit "charities" in many cases because their "solutions" are largely inadequate.  Let's now talk about the specifics of animal rescue groups.

In principle, animal rescue and pet adoption are noble things, and they are part of the Christian understanding of natural law and showing love for God's creation.  The issue is not the reality of the need for such services, but the way they are often implemented.  When I had to make some significant adjustments recently to my living situation - the most radical adjustments I have made in 32 years honestly - one thing I had to consider was pets.  I own a rabbit, two cats, and did have three small birds.  The birds I was able to rehome, so that was a bit of progress.  In addition, because my ex Barbara was forced into a living situation that didn't allow her to keep her cat, I have him too now as well.  So, at this point, I have a rabbit and three cats.  I want to rehome the rabbit, because although my current landlord is OK with pets, he does charge extra so it would be impractical to keep her.  I began the rehoming process before moving here, and in all honesty it has been frustrating.  Many "organizations" who are supposed to be helpful are in reality useless - they cite lack of funds, overpopulation of shelters, etc.  for their lack of assistance.  I find it a bit dubious that every relief agency - especially in a big city like Baltimore - gives me the same dead-end answer, and upon looking into it, I noticed a couple of things I want to observe, and I am also offering a rebuttal to their claims here.

The whole "lack of funds" thing is the first claim I want to tackle.  I find it odd that organizations that rescue homeless pets or supposedly rehome pets for owners who are no longer able to keep them pitch the "lack of funds" schtick - I understand the economy is not the best nationwide right now, and that charitable giving is a bit down because many people have to use money they would normally contribute to such groups to buy a carton of eggs at inflated prices, or a tank of gas to get to work which is also horrendously inflated.  But, when you look at what the top brass in many of these organizations make, it makes one have questions.  There are some executives of groups such as SPCA that get literally in the hundreds of thousands of dollars in salary a year, which is more than what a private-practice attorney even gets.  If they are so short on funds, why those huge salaries??  Perhaps some auditing may be in order for some of these groups to find out where their contributions are going. 

A second area I want to address is the whole idea of animal abuse.  Animal abuse is evil, and no innocent creature should be subjected to those conditions.  But, the problem with so many of these "animal rights" groups is that they often go after individuals who really love their animals yet do not have adequate resources to care for them as they should.  I have heard of cases of people being locked up for not having a clean house for their dog or something, despite the fact the animal loves the person who takes care of them and the person loves that animal just as much.  One thing that really got my chaps chafed several years ago was one of these "green" groups - Greenpeace or one of those idiotic environmental pantheistic groups - targeting Gypsies in Istanbul for owning dancing bears.  Most of the Gypsies in question actually treated those bears with the best care they could afford them, and the bears were fed well and taken care of.  Yet, this is where the double standard of progressivism kicks in - this particular group collaborated with the Turkish government to impose ethnic discrimination on a vulnerable population of Gypsies in order to "save the bears."  The Turkish government has for centuries been one of the most genocidal entities on the face of the earth, and anyone with a lick of common sense would understand that the Turks couldn't give a damn about the plight of a bear - they just wanted an excuse to persecute a minority.  And, the liberal elitists who control these huge nonprofit advocacy groups were more than willing to collaborate with a genocidal government against a vulnerable population.  I have a lot more to say about that at another time, but sufficive to say, the elitists don't care about the causes they promote in many cases, but rather they have an agenda to control and manipulate as many people as possible to gain as much control as possible.  This also ties into things such as the LGBT agenda, abortion, eugenics, and other things.  Beware, therefore, of the so-called "environmental groups."

A third area I want to explore is the excuse that many pet rescue organizations give for refusing to help people who really need to rehome pets they are unable to keep due to circumstances beyond their control.  That excuse is overcrowded shelters.  I am not in a position to say whether or not a shelter is legitimately overcrowded or not, but I have been in a couple and they seem to have plenty of space.  When they are called on that, their excuse is that they only take certain types of animals and not others.  I think that is rather weak, and it shows their insincerity also.  If they were truly on a mission to get pets rehomed, they would be working with the pet owners to help in any way possible to get that animal a new home.  What many of these people do, however, is that they will tell a pet owner they can't take them, and then they give a list of "resources" of which many the owner has already explored and hit the same brick walls.  That creates more headaches and thus the poor owner is stuck with an animal they cannot keep and it could even put their home in jeopardy if the landlord persists in either making the pet owner give up the animal or charging more for them to stay.   But, the stuck-up elitists who run many of these animal shelters don't give a damn about that - they are after their own bottom line, which is to sell a service to raise more money to pay their top brass.  Make no mistake about it, these organizations are not "nonprofit," but are an industry.  That is what is sick, hypocritical, and inconsistent about such groups too.  They spend millions of dollars making these heart-tugging ads to prey on the feelings of unsuspecting viewers, but where does that all go?  It is successful (and deceptive) marketing.  The fatass actress Sally Struthers did the same thing for years with UNICEF, and we all know about UNICEF - much of the money it raises goes to prop up malevolent dictators and does not do anything to help at-risk kids.  When government and corporate marketing get involved with charitable work, it diminishes the whole thing by promoting agendas over actually helping those in need. That is why many modern charitable agencies are abject failures. 

A new way of rendering charitable aid is needed, and fast.  I talked about before how shelters and soup kitchens are woefully inadequate to ease the plight of the indigent, and it is simply because of one important aspect.  Such programs are bandaids, and while they may provide a meal here and there and maybe a bed to sleep in for one night, what do they really accomplish??  The answer is very little.  Many people who are down on their luck need a hand-up, not a hand-out - this is not being crass, because many of these people would give anything to have some sort of stability, and a soup kitchen or flophouse does not grant that to them.  They want incentive, they desire dignity, and they want to be able to stand on their own two feet.  Now, I am not necessarily talking about addicts or crazy people on the streets either - that is a whole separate issue that requires another solution beyond the scope of this discussion.  The people I am talking about are the guy who was laid off his job he had for many years, and due to not being able to keep up with his costs of living, he and his family were evicted from their home.  This individual is a hard-working guy who often prides himself on not accepting help from anyone, but is now forced to rely on food banks and other aid just to survive.  What this guy really wants is a job and an income restored, and then he would be able to take care of himself and his family.  Yet, no one helps him.   Now, let's say the same guy has a dog - he has had this dog since it was a pup, and the dog is practically part of the family.  Yet, many flophouses don't even allow personal possessions, much less pets, and it leaves the guy in a bad position.  If he doesn't lose the dog, he sleeps on the street.  Yet, if he does, there is damage caused that way too.  Yet, the animal rescues are not helping this guy and they could give a damn less about the dog.  This reeks of scandal, and it means that the "agencies" are rotten and stink to the core because of their "criteria."  That is why I am starting to understand why people like Robert D. Lupton have made the case that much of what is called "charity" is indeed toxic - he even wrote a book about it, and he makes good points.  The ultimate aim of charity is restorative, and not merely survival-enabling.  True charity seeks to preserve dignity of personhood and not quash it and strip people of it.  Lupton has been doing a lot of speaking and writing on this issue, and it needs to be taken more seriously.  His premise, and those of others who share his position, is that charity is to be directed at helping the person who falls on hard times to rebuild and transform, and not merely slap the bandaids of soup kitchens and flophouses on the problem.  I honestly need to read more of Lupton's ideas, and perhaps at a later date I can revisit this topic and offer some further insights based on my own reading of his material. 

Gravitating back to pets, there are some decent charities who do keep in mind that animals need care too, and there are pet "food banks" that supply things such as cat litter, pet food, and other supplies for people that need them.  One of the best examples of this is Jefferson County Community Ministries in Charles Town, WV.  This is a true charity that actually cares for the people it helps, and we need more like them.  Also, if shelters cannot take the pets of vulnerable people who could lose a home over the situation, why can't they help these people find pet-friendly homes at affordable prices so the people can keep and care for their beloved pets then without having to face the choice of losing a pet or losing a home??  That would be nice.  Or, they could provide programs - farms in rural areas, etc. - to take at-risk pets temporarily until the owners are able to find a location that will let them keep them.  These are just a few ideas.  On that note, let me add a couple of closing observations to wrap up today's discussion.

I have been through some rough situations myself over the years - as a matter of fact, as I write this I am recovering from one such situation.  I promised God that if I could really overcome this, I wanted to dedicate either my own abilities or at least some financial support to worthy programs who really do provide a way for people to rebuild lives, and in the future maybe I will be in a position to start one myself - only God knows or will allow that if he sees fit.  Good programs based on incentive, hands-up assistance, and aiding in helping to rebuild self-sufficiency are integral to ending the crisis of homelessness as well as providing ways to combat the destructive economic policies certain individuals in power have inflicted on American people.  As I continue to research this and think about it, I want to begin to formulate a body of ideas which would facilitate and incentivize recovery and self-sufficiency for people who desperately need it, and if we can do this, I also believe our society as a whole could be transformed.  Like Robert Lupton and others, I believe that the way charity is practiced in this nation needs to be reformed drastically, because the "old ways" don't work nor do they provide long-term solutions.  This is true in regard to homelessness, hunger, crime, addiction, and even pet issues.  May we start to think outside the old moldy box of charitable practices that have failed, and really provide good solutions to people who could truly benefit from them.  Thank you for allowing me to share, and will see you next time. 

The New Chapter

As I write this, I am doing so in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the nation - Baltimore.  I am no stranger to Baltimore, as I actually spent my kindergarten year atttending Stuart Hill Academy nearby on Gilmor Street back in 1975 (my goodness, that was almost 50 years ago!).  The Baltimore I knew then was a big city too, but a large number of our family lived over near Wilkins Avenue on the west end of town.  As I accepted the job of Theology teacher at Christo Rey Jesuit High School and we also had to do an unplanned move a few weeks back, a number of circumstances have led to me being here now.  This is my first day here actually, as I moved in last night, and my feelings are mixed about this right now.  For one, I am really actually going to miss the more laid-back ambience of Hagerstown, about 65 miles west of here, and this is the first time I have lived in the middle of a big city in over 20 years (the last being St. Petersburg, FL).  There are many emotions going through me as I write this - a sentimentality of the past, a heaviness of not having Barbara still close by (she is in Rockville), a little nervousness about starting this new position on the 4th, a little fear about the neighborhood (there were fights outside last night that were disturbing, and the gang graffiti is not something I am too happy about), and yet I am also somewhat excited about the possibilities at the same time.  My life has been dismantled, reassembled, and much of the dust created by it still hasn't settled yet.  Yet, there is also a reassurance - God has been in all of this, and I feel him with me in everything right now.  That assures me that I am on the right track at least and this is something totally different than I have ever experienced in my life.  It has been a lot to take in, and as a historian I make some parallels to certain things which relate.  Let me get into one of those now.

I am a student of late Roman antiquity, as the "fall" of the Roman Empire in AD 476 is a fascinating subject.  I have watched documentaries on that, read many books on the topic, and it was one of the three areas I was exploring for a dissertation when I was completing my Ph.D.  The thing about ancient Rome is that in reality it never actually "fell."  The Eastern part of the Empire lasted for another thousand years, and in the West, a series of entities kept the legacy of Rome alive politically up to the end of World War I.  Original Roman Empire faded and somewhat disintegrated, but the pieces were picked up by subsequent kingdoms and it lived on.  My life too is like that right now.  I lost a lot in this move - while I believe I salvaged about 60% of what I wanted to keep, I still had substantial losses of things.  But, the spirit of what inspired me to collect the books and music I once had still lives strong within me, and I will rebuild at some point.  When I signed my lease for this place with a very nice landlord named Andy last night, a new chapter was opened in my life.  It is not starting out like much now - I have only a room to claim as my dominion as compared with a whole house just a couple of months ago, and the integral aspects of my life are at this point stored in a container in Martinsburg almost 2 hours away.  I have few resources - mostly just my clothes, my food, and a few things I need - and money will be tight at least until I earn my first paycheck in mid-November.  But, from humble beginnings will arise great things, and this is in essence a fresh start, a new beginning, and to be honest there is a level of excitement about it amidst the apprehension and fear I am feeling now.  Also, unlike my stay in motels over the past three weeks, at least I don't have to worry at this point about not knowing where I will sleep another night - I am good here for a while, and that takes a lot of burden away.  In time, I will have a home of my own again, and with the salary I am going to be making from my new teaching position, that could happen in a matter of months.  But, for now, it is in my best interest to just allow for some recovery and to begin to get things back in order again, and that will take a little time.  

Looking at this place I am in - it is an old Baltimore rowhouse, brick on the outside and stucco walls on the inside - I obviously have many thoughts running through my head.  I am sharing the place with two other guys.  One, Joel, is a stonemason by trade and is a middle-age man with a blue collar demeanor.  The other, Jason, is a young Mexican-American student who I actually had the pleasure of talking to, and turns out he is a nice young man and I think we will all get along well.  The landlord, Andy, is a very empathetic man who also displays a strong faith and he has been in the business of refurbishing these rowhouses for a number of years (he is my age actually).  Now the neighborhood leaves much to be desired - this is inner Baltimore, and because it has somewhat of a reputation, I am not planning on staying at this place very long (maybe a couple of months at the most).  But, it's a roof over my head, and I will make the best of it, especially when I start earning a little more income soon and can begin to establish some sort of life again.  I do really miss Barbara though, but thankfully she is fairly close by too.  We are talking about eventually having our own place again, as I don't think God wants us to be apart from each other and we still need to rely on each other for so many things.  So, we will see what happens.

Another asset of this place is that it is not the Motel 6 anymore thank goodness!  Being in that motel for almost the better of three weeks was one of the most hellish experiences I have ever faced, and I never want to go through anything like that again!  However, God used many good people to help me during all that, and I am thankful for each and every one of them.  I may be still relying on a little help from someone until my first check comes in, but at least it won't be a day-to-day battle for survival like it was there.  I also do have all the animals with me except the birds - all three cats, and my rabbit Zoe.  I am thinking about rehoming Zoe, and pray to God I can do so soon.  Although I love that little bunny, she is becoming a huge responsibility that is hard for me to handle, and she needs a more secure home.  If I do keep her, it will also cost me more here too.  So, my prayer is that she has a potential family that will adopt her.  Then, in all reality, I will have just my two cats (Lily and Tippy) as well as taking care of Mickey for Barbara until she can get a place to take him herself.  Pets do complicate things unfortunately, but they are also blessings in themselves too as they give much-needed companionship when one feels so alone. 

So, as it stands, a new chapter has begun, just in time for my 55th birthday, and many details are still coming together for me even as I am writing this now.  This is just the opening paragraph of that chapter, so we have yet to see how it will come together.  I have to keep reminding myself that God ultimately has this, and that he would not bring me this far for nothing.  And, that is a lesson so many need right now, as it is easy to get exhausted and on the verge of surrender even when seeing God's hand at work.  There is still much to do, but we are on the right way now.  Please continue to remember me in your prayers, and I will post continual updates on this journey.  Thanks for visiting today, and see you next time.  

Getting Adjusted

 I noted last week how this is a new chapter, and as the dust begins to settle the chapter is yet still in its opening stages now, so a lot has yet to be determined as things continue to fall into place.  I can say though with confidence that God has guided every step of the way, and although at this point I am tired, wounded, and in need of restoration, I feel it is coming soon enough.  That leads to a recap of the week and a couple of observations.  I attempted to write this earlier but am convinced the "prince of the power of the air" is a demonic entity that screws with cyberspace, especially when many important things need to be said.  So, we will try this again.

As of tomorrow, it will be a week since I moved into this new place in downtown Baltimore, and it has been interesting.  I have two decent roommates for one thing.  One is a fairly smart and courteous young Mexican-American man from California named James (my new landlord Andy kept calling him "Jason" for some reason, but luckily I got his real name).  James is a student at a local college, and he also earns his living expenses as a part-time worker at Fedex.  He and I have had some interesting talks since he thinks largely along the same lines I do.  The other guy, Joel, is a middle-aged stonemason who originally is from New York.  Joel is a bit, well, free-spirited - he does indulge in the "devil's lettuce" a little (thankfully he is discreet about it and I never smell or notice it), and he is a bit more blue-collar and gritty.  And, he has an adorable little dog named Carlo who loves everybody.  The guys are good roommates, and we all sort of live our own lives with friendly but infrequent conversation.  That can get a bit lonesome for me at times, as I am used to Barbara and she and I were a lot closer - even being divorced we are like brother and sister, and I do have days I miss her a lot.  Right now, she lives in a place she shares with five other guys in Rockville, and she too has some loneliness too.  So, we still talk to each other and try to get together as much as we can.  I am not planning on staying in this neighborhood for a long time - it is mainly to get acclimated to my new position as teacher at Christo Rey School, and then I plan on moving closer to the school, such as maybe Fells Point or Dundalk, as to be honest I am a bit uneasy about this neighborhood - it is in the heart of Baltimore after all, and it is therefore a place where you have to be vigilant despite the fact this particular neighborhood is pretty quiet.  That leads me into some observations about Baltimore itself.

It has been 50 years since I lived in Baltimore, and at that time (mid-1970s) we lived on the other side of town in the community called Irvington, located roughly between Frederick Highway and Wilkins Avenue.  Back then, our entire family practically lived in that community, although as many of them became financially able they moved to the suburbs.  For decades now (even when I was a kid here in the 1970s) Baltimore has been essentially a majority Black city.  As I ride the buses, I stick out, I will just put it that way.  Many of the Blacks here though are just normal people - many indeed are actually very friendly and helpful, especially when asking for directions to get around downtown and on the transit system.  But, Baltimore is also notorious for violent crime stats as well, but that was true for probably the better of 70 years in all honesty.  It would be easy for people to conclude that there is a connection between the Black demographic and crime statistics, and it would be a plausible conclusion to make, but in all honesty there are evil White people too - the scariest person I encountered here in the past few days, as a matter of fact, was a creepy-looking White guy up on Reisterstown Road when I was up there yesterday to do my fingerprinting for my new position.  With the Blacks in town, they will respect you if you respect them - don't act scared of them, and be courteous and polite to them as they are fellow human beings.  Most of the time, if you do that they will respond in kind, so my policy is to treat Black residents of the city like the human beings they truly are, and not to resort to stereotypes and idiotic rhetoric.  The key to improving race relations is not to give preferential treatment to anyone, but to utilize respect and good manners, and to be yourself without trying to say "Yeah, I have a Black friend" or something stupid like that.  The more one is their true self, the more respect that will earn.

Baltimore has always had a connection to me for some reason.  After all, I lived here as a kid, even going to kindergarten just a couple of miles from where I am sitting at Stuart Hill Academy over on Gilmor Street, and also enjoying the delicious local cuisine at places like Bay Island Seafood and Kibbie's out on Wilkins.  Over the years, I have had so many dreams about being here that there are places in town that give me deja vu moments.  So, was this where I was meant to be?  That is something that I need to ponder more and seek God out on, as it has been nothing short of a miracle that I landed what is practically the dream job with a great salary, and everything fell into place - not without struggle though, as it has been a battle too.  But, I see my faith growing, and thanks to the love and support of good people like my cousin Elvira, my friends Elaine, Fran, and Amy, and two wonderful churches (Fr. Grassi at St. James in Charles Town, and Fr. James at St. Mary's in Hagerstown), as well as a good-hearted former boss (Danny) and the generosity of my present boss (Dr. Mitala, the principal at Christo Rey).  And additionally there is Barbara - we went through a lot of this stuff together, and our combined prayers sustained us through many things.  Then, I even have to credit the former landlord who made us move, Valerie - despite having to follow orders from her evil bosses, Valerie was actually very gracious to us and thanks to her we were able to save Lily, our cat, as well as being able to salvage a great deal of our stuff.  Then there is my current landlord of this place, Andy - Andy is a good man, and as a devout Evangelical Christian he has been very workable with the whole situation of moving here.  I thank God for all these folks and others I may have forgotten to mention, because without them we would have been in a mess.  You learn quickly how to depend on God, and it is a humbling experience for sure. 

In addition to all those dreams about Baltimore though, there were other dreams over the years too - many times I have had dreams of tornadoes and floods, and the odd thing about those dreams was the fact that in many cases the storm or water looked frightening, but it never touched or harmed me.  I remember a particularly intense one a few years back I had about this enormous funnel cloud - the thing must have been 20 miles wide, was as black as tar, and it loomed over the horizon as we drove toward it.  In that particular dream, Granny was still alive, and she, Mom, and I were in a car going to her house, which in the dream was at this intersection and was in a wide-open yard with no trees.  That huge funnel cloud went right past a living room window, but never touched the house!  Talk about shelter in the storm, that was a good image of that.  I also have had dreams of floods coming so close to a doorstep that they practically were within centimeters of touching me, but they just stopped.  It is highly possible that dreams like that do contain some glimpses of the future, and if so, then I am now feeling what that meant in real time.  The same feelings I had in those dreams are feelings I have had the past month with all that I have faced.   Could the dreams have prepared me for this?  I cannot say, and I may even be completely wrong.  Perhaps as I look back on this time in my life later I will see things clearer.  

The week itself has been quite interesting as well.  Last Saturday, Barbara and I were able to retrieve the stuff Valerie set aside for us, and the church was gracious enough to lend us a truck to pick it up.  We have all that safely in storage, and there were surprises in that.  For one, they packed my new alto sax, which I was very happy about.  Also, I got several of my boxed set LPs, some very collectible items, and I even was able to get my Louis Prima collection.  Additionally I got all my family history books and they are now safely in storage.  Overall, that will be a good start once I am able to move to a more stable place and can start the rebuilding process.  

Secondly, I got to visit this beautiful church that is a ten-minute walk away.  SS Philip and James Church is a 130-year-old parish across the street from Johns Hopkins University, and it is perhaps one of the most beautiful churches I have ever been in.  It is a Byzantine/Romanesque style church with beautiful Byzantine iconography inside, and it is administered by the Dominican Friars.  It is also a very sound parish theologically, and I felt at home there as it reminded me of Fr. Grassi and St. James in Charles Town in a lot of ways.  For the tenure of my stay at this place, I will probably use that as my home parish too.  It was a blessing to go there for sure.

Third, it has been a busy week overall so far with positives and negatives.  The negative was minor,but it entailed Liberty University.  You see, after I completed and received my Ph.D. a couple of months back, I was contemplating doing a postdoctoral certificate in some kind of educational discipline to help enhance my skills at my new vocation.  However, the one weakness with Liberty is that it is addicted to mass marketing, and they enroll people on a revolving-door basis almost robotically.  They registered me for the Fall semester, and I supposedly got a financial aid package for it.  What they didn't tell me is that because my dissertation defense course, although completed, lasts until the end of the Fall term, I couldn't take anything that did not apply to that degree (which was completed and conferred).  So, that led to a huge issue with them I had to fight on Monday, and I accepted that this was not the time to be going back to school - for one thing, it just isn't practical as so much is going on and I am still trying to get back on course.  Hopefully though, I don't end up with a $500 bill over it though, as that is the last thing I need, so I disputed it.  God has worked everything else out though, and he will this too.

Fourth, yesterday I was able to also get my fingerprints done for my new position as well as updating my ID, which had expired.  For the first time in my life, I got to go on the subway - yes, Baltimore does have a subway!  That was an interesting experience and I really liked it.  I only wish I would have had some money to spend at Lexington Market in downtown Baltimore, as I want to check that out.  Soon though, that will happen too.  I still have to get a replacement Social Security card though, and I may still do that Friday as the subway goes right to the Social Security office.  That gives an idea of how my week has been so far.  I also want to thank my new boss and the principal of my school, Dr. Mitala, for providing the means of getting everything done - he really does have a good heart, and may God bless him for that. 

That gives you more of glimpse of life the past few days for me, and I will continue chronicling my journey as it comes together. I start teaching next week, so things will begin to really come together in the next couple of weeks or so.  Thank you for allowing me to share, and will see you next time. 

Tumultuous Transitions and New Beginnings

 As I write this tonight, there are a lot of things going on.  A lot of it is scary, but I have also seen God's hand at work.  I have spent the last week or so in a motel - I am camped out here at the Motel 6 in Charles Town for a few days - pondering so many things.  Yesterday, my parish priest Fr. Grassi talked about in his homily at Mass about an odd topic - "let go of the banana."  The premise of his homily was based on some experiment in which a group of monkeys were tested with a hollowed-out coconut inside of which was placed a banana.  A small hole just big enough for the monkey's hand was placed in the coconut, and the objective was for the monkey to grab the banana and pull it out.  However, the banana was bigger than the hole, and as long as the monkey held onto it the banana was stuck.  Fr. Grassi's point was that we do that all the time in our lives - we attempt to hold onto things we should be letting go of.  I got a serious lesson in that last Friday when we had to move due to some complications with our rental situation.  Because of time constraints, I had to leave a large study library, my entire music collection, and a lot of other stuff behind.  It is a little hard to adjust to, but through it I also began to realize several things:

1. Sometimes to move forward, we have to let go of things that encumber us.  As much as I loved my library and my music collection, to be honest it has been a logistics nightmare over the years to transport them from place to place.  At some point I may gain it all back, but it will be when I am in a better and more permanent position to house them.

2. Although I loved that stuff, the important thing to remember is just that - it is just stuff.  It can be replaced, and like Job's story in the Bible, the replacement may be better than the original.  

3. It could be that God was maybe answering my prayer in a way I didn't expect.  I have heard an expression that God doesn't let things fall apart, but rather he lets them fall in place.  Oddly, despite the chaos of the sudden move and the physical and mental strain it has had on me, God is at work - he provided in such an abundant way for my needs now that my faith has grown. I see myself coming out of this better at some point. 

Now, the good thing is that I didn't lose everything.  For one thing, all of my important papers, pictures, and other items of sentimental value have been preserved, and they are safely stored in a storage unit between here and Martinsburg.  Much of that is my original work, and it is irreplaceable.  I am thankful I was able to do that.  Also, my pets are all with me too - two cats, my bunny, and my three birds.  The two cats both have had their own trauma being dragged from place to place, but they are resilient.  There are some other changes to talk about too, so I will get into those as well.

As of Friday, Barbara and I are no longer under the same roof.  She is living in a rented room close to where she works in Gaithersburg, but she isn't totally happy about it.  She has to share the place with three guys, and her sisters (that's a story in itself!) more or less forced her into that situation because their objective is to micromanage her life.  In my opinion, she made a mistake even getting them involved in this, because their intentions are for themselves rather than for Barbara's wellbeing.  She wants out, and I am praying for that to happen for her.  Barbara too does deserve so much more than that, and I pray God is with her.  Her sisters also have never particularly liked me, and they did this to cut us off from each other too.  I have missed her actually, because in all honesty we have lived under the same roof together for probably more than 32 years until now.  Although we divorced three years ago, we still have always been friends and that will never change.  Barbara is like a sister to me, and to be honest she has been wonderful company to me over the years too.  But, we still chat and talk almost daily, despite her sisters threatening to cut her off if she even talks to me.  Ultimately, God's will is bigger than a bunch of evil micromanaging siblings, so this too will have a good conclusion, I know it. 

While I had accepted the fact that one day Barbara and I would go our separate ways as we are no longer a married couple, I don't believe this is the way it was supposed to happen.  But, it has, and now is the adjustment to new life.  I am still somewhat scared, and the uncertainty of the future lingers a bit, but I also see God working.  He did so in a very important way this week that I want to share now.

A month or so back, I got this call from the principal of the Christo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore.  He was very impressed with my credentials, and although things got off to a rocky start, he called me a couple of weeks ago to do a working interview - in this case, teaching a demo Theology class to a group of 13 high school juniors.  The interview almost did not happen.  The original day I was to do it, we were told we had to move out of our house.  The following Tuesday after, I was given the wrong departure time for the train from Harpers Ferry, and ended up missing the interview then too - but the blessing came from meeting Karan Townsend, the owner of the Town's Inn in Harpers Ferry, and the day had a blessing of its own.   But, last Thursday was the charm - I made it to the interview, had a good experience teaching the class, and the principal was very impressed with me.  The next step in that happened this morning when he asked for references, which I gladly provided him.  The position looks like it will be a sure thing, and I may even be considered as a department chair as well - this would be the dream job.  For those reading this, your prayers are always appreciated. 

At this point, a lot is still uncertain - I have a bunch of hurdles in front of me yet, and with limited resources it can be a bit overwhelming.  But, God's hand has been all over this too, and somehow this is all going to come together.  I won't be writing as much now, as I need to get all settled into a more permanent place, but I will keep you posted as best I can on what happens.  Thanks for listening, and God's blessings to you.