Spring Challenges

 The first full week back to work after Spring Break has been a busy one, and I am feeling it.  Due to Barbara's car having to have brakes done today, I had to go back to my 5:30AM regimen for a couple of days - that was rough!  As the school year winds down here, I am feeling the fatigue - even a week of Spring Break didn't totally resolve that.  The week's reflections have to do with some situations I have faced and I wanted to dive into that now.

For anyone who has ever taught school, it is not surprising that the group of 80 students I teach over 5 class periods is a pretty diverse lot.  Some students are really good, and a few are so exceptional I wish I had about 20 more of them in each class.  Then there are the others - the pains in the tuchus that often cause the biggest issues in classes.  I want to talk about one of those in particular now.

At the Jesuit high school I teach at, the class periods are called "Codes" and throughout the day there are seven of them plus an Advisory (read "home room" for that).  I generally teach five classes in a day - Code 1, then a break, then Codes 3 and 4a, then lunch, and finally Codes 5 and 6.  The overall majority of the students in these classes are not an issue - they are not perfect, and on occasion they require a little extra supervision when they get distracted, but for the most part it is not anything I can't handle.  However, since starting here back in November I have a group in my Code 1 class that honestly give me headaches every day.  Some of them are just pains - they are likeable pains as individuals, but still pains - and the rest are generally typical high school juniors.  However, I have one student that has been giving me particular challenges since I began teaching here, and I am at my wits' end as to what to do with this person.  She is a female, and for her protection I will just call her Jenn here instead of her real name.  I want to talk about this individual in-depth now as I feel that sharing it will help me deal with the stress this person causes me at times. 

Jenn is about 17 years old, Black, and she generally does have a sharp mind.  Her problem though is an attitude - she is what, to use the immortal words of Whoopie Goldberg's nun character in the movie Sister Act 2, a "Rita Diva with a 'tude."  Since starting, she has displayed nothing but disrespect for me when I teach class, and she spends a large part of the class laughing and talking loudly with her three friends.  And, my goodness, she has a mouth too - that girl hurls "f bombs" like a porcupine shoots its quills, and she doesn't respect being told to stop.  This situation came to a head yesterday when I had to get the Dean of Students involved, and he summarily had a conversation with her about her attitude.  This, of course, made her very upset and she more or less declared war on me.  Other teachers have had similar issues with her, noting that she talks loudly, abuses hall pass privileges, and she was described by another teacher as "moody."  Trying to be fair about the situation, I am rationalizing that maybe she has issues at home, maybe issues with "female trouble" at certain times of the month, or maybe something else is bugging her.  Or, she could even have some psychological/emotional issues as well that maybe have not been diagnosed.  Whatever the case, she is problematic, and students like her make teachers second-guess their career choices.  All I can do is pray for her, as she already has said she isn't going to talk and is outright refusing to exercise reason.  However, Jenn represents a bigger problem I have seen in the Black community in Baltimore, and I wanted to delve into that a bit now.

Since moving here just over 6 months ago, adjusting to Baltimore has been a bit of culture shock.  The demographic is radically different even from the city I knew here as a kid 50 years ago - it is perhaps, along with Atlanta, one of the few cities in the country where Blacks make up the bulk of the population.  That in itself is not really a problem, because Blacks are human beings, and no two of them are exactly alike because they are all individuals too.  However, a mindset (and I would venture to even suggest a spiritual bondage) has captured this community as a whole, and it is often seen in attitudes that some of them display.  There are individuals who have been very sloppy with their work, others who have had volatile tempers (besides Jenn in class, this has happened with at least 3 other students, as well as with a delivery person and with a neighbor) and explode at the slightest hint of difference with them - and then the "f bomb."  I don't know what it is with a lot of Blacks here, but that word is almost like a culturally-defined part of their language, and that is disturbing.   Not only that, but they call each other the "n" word as well - a White person using that word would be rightly and quickly labeled racist, yet I hear these Blacks calling each other that all the time.  This is something I want to address now, as it is a serious matter.

The "n" word originated from a slang word for "Negro," which in Spanish means "Black" as it describes skin color.  In the late 19th and early 20th centuries though, the term was adopted by racists such as the KKK as a derogatory name for a person of color, and since then it has been considered an ethnic slur, and rightfully so.  It is a word I try to steer clear of using, as the consequences for even accidentally saying it would be dire - this, despite the fact that late Catholic writer Flannery O'Connor titled a short story using the term which actually taught a good lesson.  Yet, despite the taboo associated with this word, I hear Blacks calling each other that all the time, and they fail to realize that when the do that they are actually enabling real racists to justify using that word.  I try to convey to my students that they should not call each other that, as it does justify others using it as an insult against them.  Also, using language like that is a blatant form of disrespect too - no one should be even calling their close friends offensive terms like that.  Lest I get accused of being an "uppity White guy" for pointing this out, let me clarify a couple of things.  First, I have some Black ancestors in my family tree as well, which means I too am a descendant of slaves.  Secondly, I find equally offensive terms such as "hick" or "redneck" when used to label small-town blue-collar Whites, as well as the use of the terms "honkey" or "Cracker" to call White people.  In all honesty, those perjorative words directed against Whites should be treated the same way as the "n" word, as they are used in the same context.  NO ethnic slur should be acceptable in our society, regardless of whom it refers to.  Ethnic slurs diminish a person, reducing them to a skin color or ethnolinguistic identity which robs them of their individuality.  While I don't necessarily think that "hate crimes" laws should be enacted for using such terminology, at the same time I think it should be socially discouraged.  Even if people are using those terms as part of the same ethnic group, it needs to stop - if an outsider hears that, it could enable them to be more bigoted too.  Any rate, just wanted to address that issue.

The Jenns among us are an inevitable reality - we will inevitably cross paths with individuals like her, and it can be unsettling being exposed to such a person.  However, it challenges us to learn, to face the negative parts of human nature and come up with a constructive response to them.  If that is the end game of the experience, then it will be valuable to us.  Adversity and negativity in our daily interactions with others is a fact of fallen nature - it comes knocking whether invited or not.  The fact that it is there is not the real issue - it is how we address and overcome it that builds character and provides a way forward.  While I am hoping this Jenn issue in my teaching vocation has an immediate end soon, I perhaps will look back on it in the future and realize that I am a different person now because of it.  However, the outcome rests on the reaction to the circumstance - act properly, and it's a good life lesson.  Act wrongly, and it could be catastrophic both to oneself as well as the person who is the source of that discomfort.  I have been through other situations with disagreeable people, and surprisingly a few turned out better and I actually have dear friends now who once were mortal enemies to me.  Situations like this also call for a lot of committed prayers too - when we cannot rely on our own strength, we seek out God and his aid, which he will freely give us if we ask in the right state of mind and heart.   The only bad part of that is at times it comes late - we could have issues for years and then only at the midnight hour do we find the answer.  That is a big life lesson to take to heart.

Thank you for allowing me to share this week, and will see you again soon. 

Reflections on the Death of a Pope and Personal Prayer Practices

 I finally got a week off from work as our school where I teach had its Easter break (Spring break to other schools).  While it was far too short and another week would not have hurt, it was a nice time for relaxation and catching up on some things too, which I did.  A few things happened during that week though which are worth mentioning.

On Monday the 21st, Pope Francis passed away.  As a Catholic myself, this is a very significant thing as it means that soon a new Pontiff will be sitting on the Chair of St. Peter in Rome.  I have managed to live through about 5 Popes so far (Paul VI, John Paul I, John Paul II, Benedict XVI, and now Francis).  The bulk of my life - beginning in my childhood and going into my mid-30s - was the Pontificate of Saint John Paul II.  JPII was a good Pope overall - not perfect, but he had many great qualities.  Benedict was also a good Pope, as he championed orthodoxy and a return to our roots as a Church.  Francis though was a whole different breed altogether.  He was both the first Jesuit Pope as well as the first from the New World (an Italo-Argentinian by birth).  But, he was also a Pope who had a reign that tended to be extremely controversial.  On one hand, he was sort of a strong advocate for the marginalized, which I suppose was a good virtue.  On the other, he also had some issues - he was not exactly theologically orthodox, and at times his ill-tempered way of handling people coupled with his somewhat arbitrary dismissal of certain aspects of Church Tradition were concerning.  The introduction of the disastrous document Traditionale Custodis is a case in point.  Francis hated conservatives and traditionalists, and found ways to be punitive against those who disagreed with him in what appeared to be retaliatory.  What he did in particular to Cardinal Burke, Bishop Strickland, and Fr. Frank Pavone, among others, was shocking, while at the same time he touted individuals such as the "Rainbow Jesuit" James Martin.  Add to that the Pachamama mess and this whole "Synodality" thing, and it caused much friction in the Church.  So, how does a more faithful Catholic who values Tradition view Francis?  Let me give a brief proposal of my own.

In the long run, Francis was a validly-elected Pope, so to that end he was to be respected in his official capacity.  And, on occasion he did some good stuff, such as upholding the sanctity of life and traditional marriage.  However, on the other hand, Francis was radical, by theological standards he was a liberal, and his personality was not always the most genial either (he was called in some ecclesiastical circles in Argentina "Old Vinegar Face").  That being said, it is possible to do two things at once.  First, we pray that he had a conversion of heart before his repose, and we also remember his soul as we do all departed. Second, we can also still in good conscience take issue with some of Francis's more radical ideas, and we can pray that his successor will be someone much more nuanced and conciliatory to the conservatives like myself he tried (whether intentionally or not) to alienate and oppose.  The possibility of a more orthodox Pope, even moderately so like Benedict XVI was, is good - some of the candidates for consideration include Cardinal Zen of China and Cardinal Sarah of Africa, both of whom are very orthodox.  As we start looking toward who the successor to Francis will be, I just pray our leaders understand the needs of the Church and don't push political nonsense.  

It is also worth mentioning that there have been much worse Popes than Francis - by the standards of some in history, Francis was mild actually.  The Bride of Christ is still present on this earth, so its leadership is human and prone to imperfection.  Therefore, bad and corrupt clergy are a given.  What we cannot do is let the bad eggs and rotten fruit taint the entire Church, and therefore we use discretion when trying to separate the actions and legacies of fallible leadership from the eternal vocation of the Bride of Christ herself.  This is why I will refrain personally from attacking Francis directly, although I do have many fundamental disagreements with his tenure as Pope.  Even the best and holiest of Popes have moments of displaying their own concupiscent nature - the Pope, after all, is not God and thus is subject to many of the same temptations, limitations, and other challenges we all deal with as human beings.  It is a Pope's attitude and ultimately the reality inside his heart that makes the difference, and only God can truly know the heart.  So, in summary, we can pray for the soul of Francis while still disagreeing with many of the things he has done, and there is no conflict with our faith in doing so.  

Aside from the passing of Pope Francis, we experienced Easter 2025 this past Sunday.  Another year surviving the fasts and abstinences of Lent, and now it is an adjustment getting back into a more festal mindset - no more seafood or cheese pizzas on Fridays, the return of the "Gloria" at Mass, and other things including the shift in the daily decade of the Rosary I pray from the Sorrowful Mysteries to the Glorious Mysteries.  And, that leads me to a brief discussion of my own devotional practice.

I have neither the time nor the focus to pray a complete Rosary every day, so for the past few years I have structured my devotions this way.  To begin, I say a decade of the Rosary, followed by doing the daily Mass reading, and then more personal prayers.  By saying a decade of the Rosary, that requires an explanation.  Each set of Mysteries of the Rosary consist of five decades - each focusing on one Mystery within the five.  The Mysteries are divided thus - The Joyful, the Luminous (introduced 20 years ago by Pope St. John Paul II), the Sorrowful, and the Glorious.  Traditionally, certain days of the week were set aside to pray a specific set of Mysteries, and many people who practice praying the Rosary still do this.  However, I do it differently.  For me, I focus on a set of Mysteries for a week (one each day) and then I organize them according to the Church year.  So, this is my pattern to go by:

1. Advent, Christmas to Epiphany - the Joyful Mysteries

2. Epiphany to Quinquegessima Sunday - the Luminous Mystery

3. The seasons of Lent and Holy Week - the Sorrowful Mysteries

4.  From Easter through Trinity Sunday - the Glorious Mysteries

5. Ordinary time between Trinity and the First Sunday of Advent - one set of Mysteries each week.

Doing it this way for me is like more or less living the life that Christ lived as the Mysteries are then coordinated to the chronological order of Christ's life.  I would even consider it a way of "walking in the footsteps of Jesus" because it then takes on a greater significance.  The Rosary is not a mandated devotion, and therefore it can be adjusted and practiced in a way that reflects the devotee's convictions without compromising Magisterial truth. It is a different type of devotion, and as far as I know, I may be the only person who does it like this.   However, the spiritual benefits of doing it for me are fruitful, and thus I feel right doing it my way in this case. 

The problem with the Rosary - even an adjusted one like the one I pray - is that it can try patience.  You have to keep track of the number of "Ave Marias" said and then make sure you are on the right Mystery.  And, when you are pressed for time in the morning in particular, it can be a hurried exercise.  Some of the prayers, in all honesty, get a bit tedious - the "Glory Be" comes to mind here.  But, they are there for a reason so we overcome our own limitations by being faithful in our devotion.  I no doubt will have some staunch person who will gasp in horror that I said that and say in Greta Thunberg fashion "How dare you!!"  But, let's be honest - a consistent prayer life is not always comfortable or convenient, and even the most tedious of prayers hold spiritual benefit for us.  So, despite hurrying through those tedious acts sometimes, God sees thankfully our hearts, and he sees our faithfulness.  And for those who would take issue, please be honest with yourselves too - are you always ecstatic to say prayers??  I would wager a month's salary to say negative on that, because to say otherwise means you are lying.  We don't have to feign religious zeal to be faithful, and thank God we have a merciful God who understands that.  Even Jesus Himself grew weary at times of praying in all honesty, so we are in good company.  

This was a slightly different approach from my usual observations today, but I nonetheless hope they will give the reader some edification.   Thanks for allowing me to share, and will see you next time!

Dealing With A Spectrum of Things

 As I reflect this week, there is something I wanted to just share.  This past Monday, Barbara had to go to the MVA office over on Reisterstown Pike here in Baltimore to renew her driver's license.  While that process ended up being smoother than expected, there was another problem.  Let me first give some background for context.

I know Baltimore well - I have connections to this city going back to my kindergarten days.  One thing I know is that there are some people here - more so in recent years - that can be very rude.  At the risk of starting a particular controversy, I need to also note the demographic.  Baltimore is by and large a significantly Black city - with the exception of possibly a city like Atlanta, the Black population in Baltimore is a very noticeable one.  While most Blacks in the city are generally easy to get along with and cause no issues, there is a notable exception to that rule.  Some Blacks here tend to get confrontational, nasty, and also are adept at throwing around the "f-bomb" like it is blowing their nose or something.  I have seen delivery drivers and others get very hostile for no reason and when they get like that, I don't engage them - they get a door closed in their face quickly.  I also have a few students I teach like this too - you can't tell them anything without a nasty resistance on their part, and in all reality, there is no call for that.  Barbara had her own experience this past Monday at the MVA, and I want to recount that now.

Driver's license offices tend to have long lines and are a bureaucratic mess in many cases, and the one in Baltimore is no exception.  As we were waiting in line for Barbara to renew her license on Monday, directly in front of us was a short Black woman with long hair and those eyes - you know the look; they are itching for a fight.  In all honesty, the woman reminded me of an ill-tempered, yappy dachshund.  She kept eyeing us in the line, and at one point she started yelling about "her space being encroached upon" by us (in reality, Barbara and I were standing where we were supposed to be).  Barbara had been recovering from a short illness and was in no mood, and surprisingly Barbara was the one who got assertive when she was attacked by this yappy, nasty little woman.  I took on the role of a more nuanced peacekeeper, letting the woman know life was too short and then telling her to have a nice day, which set the little Black wench off more.  And, to complicate things, she had an ally standing behind us who all of a sudden decided to get his two-cents-worth in - this guy had goofy bleach-blonde spikey hair and wore a pair of pink shoes, so it was evident which side he buttered his proverbial bread on.  So, Yappy and her flamboyant friend were ganging up on us for nothing.  I was very happy to get out of that place as was Barbara.  While the rest of the day was generally OK - we ate afterwards at Hip Hop Chicken, a very good local fried chicken chain in the area - the aftershock of that experience was felt for some time.  

The way Baltimore people act as contrasted with the way I grew up is like night and day.  Generally, even if you are in a bad mood, you maintain a certain degree of decorum in a public place.  If perhaps you feel inconvenienced by close quarters, you just politely ask the person for space and generally you get an apology, and they oblige.  However, it seems as if Baltimore has a deficiency of decent manners nowadays, as I see that almost on a daily basis.  Even at school, there is a rude 10th-grade Theology teacher whose classroom is across the hall, and his bearing screams arrogance and a big ego.  An incident with him happened the other day as well.  One very good rule that this school has is that students cannot be unsupervised in any classroom, and if the teacher leaves the door gets locked.  The dean of the school sent this out in an email, but the particular teacher in question tended to ignore it and act like he knew nothing about it.   So, one afternoon when I was either taking a restroom break between classes or going across the street to the Royal Farms to get a Starbucks Frappuccino (I really love those!) and a pastry for breakfast, I had locked my door as prescribed by school policy and stepped out.  When I returned, there was a student leaving my classroom!  When I asked her what she was doing there, she said that Mr. ______, the teacher in question, had let her in to take a test.  That didn't sit well with me as I know how this guy is, and later today he stopped and asked if a student could take a test today.  I told him as long as a teacher was in here, it was no problem, but they cannot be unsupervised in a classroom like that.  The student he was going to send here for a test never showed up, although I told him I was here, and it was OK as long as I was in the class.  Hopefully though, the pompous teacher got the hint though and will be more respectful of his colleagues and school policy next time. 

The other issue I have with so many of these local Blacks in particular is their language - it is volatile!  They call each other the "n" word all the time, and they drop the "f bomb" like it is a bodily function.  I teach in a school that at this point is about 52% Black and 48% Hispanic, and the differences between the two groups is astounding.  The Hispanic students (with a few exceptions) tend to be quieter and more respectful, while the Blacks are loud, disruptive, and generally not participating in the class discussions or anything else.  While this is not true of all of them, a significant number of the write-ups and disciplinary issues I address in a given week are largely the Black students - I do have a number of good Black students too, and greatly appreciate them, but the proportion of trouble that comes up usually has a Black student involved in it.  Our society is afraid to address this problem because one runs the risk of being accused of "racism" if the issue is raised, but the facts do speak for themselves.  And I want to tackle the proverbial elephant in the room now.

Racism by any group against others is always wrong, regardless.  And no doubt true racism is out there.  However, what often happens is that Blacks and some others use the "race card" to validate bad behavior, and this is a problem.  Also, the way they denigrate each other by calling each other the "n" word is concerning.  When they do that, they fail to understand that they are diminishing themselves and therefore justifying actual racists to use that term too.  And that "f bomb" issue - what is with many of our local Blacks using that so often and freely??  I understand an occasional slip happening if one is exasperated or something, but seriously - when you hear these Black kids in school in particular talk, they are peppering "f bombs" liberally in their conversations.  And on the city bus too - many use that word just to hear themselves say it I think.  It really does not paint a good picture of Black culture in America, as many other groups see this behavior as being nasty and uncouth.  As I said, not all Blacks do this thankfully, and there are many decent Blacks who are just as shocked by this language as I am.  However, when most of this stuff is being done by a particular demographic, it creates several problems.  Let me go into at least two of them.

To begin, it is not helping them move ahead in their lives.  Black culture has many good things to preserve and a person who is Black should be proud of those things.  However, being rude, confrontational, and foul-mouthed is not flattering, and many Blacks need to understand how other people see them when they act like complete jackasses.  Secondly, instead of eradicating racism, it perpetuates it in two forms.  First, it makes Blacks more racist against others.  Secondly, when other groups see this behavior, it alters their perception of Blacks and negative experiences with rude Black individuals can be a toxic seed of racism against all Blacks.  If the Black community in America wants to show progress, there are several things they can do to nurture it.  Let's talk about a few of them.

For one, Blacks need to learn basic manners and stop using cusswords as a form of casual conversation.  A Black person who is articulate and doesn't resort to "ghetto-style" lingo and attitude will garner instant respect.  Secondly, let's address this "urban blight" issue that Baltimore and other cities have.  Urban blight describes what you see on many streets - trash all over, abandoned and dilapidated houses and other buildings, and copious amounts of ugly graffiti everywhere.  In recent years, when these issues were addressed by reform-minded people who wanted to clean up neighborhoods, the people who had the ideas were often condemned by activists as promoting "gentrification" and thus cleanup efforts in many cities screeched to an abrupt halt.  I find it interesting that the political Left hollers about the fiction of "climate change" and yet you never see them picking up the abundant trash or trying to improve the lot of many Blacks in those communities by upgrading their homes and encouraging local business.  Instead, those individuals (usually rich White liberals - go figure!) decry any effort to clean up as being racist and promoting gentrification.  If cities are to improve their qualities of life, that attitude needs to change.  If you don't want White investors revitalizing neighborhoods, then encourage the Blacks who live there to do so.  While there are small and bright exceptions now in many neighborhoods, by and large they miss it by infinity.  That too needs to change. 

You have heard my convictions on this today, and hopefully I won't be misrepresented as being "racist" because I am challenging Blacks to adjust their behavior a little and take some pride in their own communities and stop calling each other "n" words and other such garbage.  Until the overall Black population of this city in particular understands that progress will be delayed if not eliminated.  Thank you for allowing me to share. 

Catching Up

 It has been a couple of weeks since last writing, and I need to do some catching up on myself as it is warranted.  Luckily today is a slow day at school, as my students are in what is called MAP testing for the majority of the day.  Therefore, there are a few things I wanted to catch up and reflect upon since opportunity allows.

To begin, the final part of my doctoral journey arrived Monday - I have a complete set of doctoral regalia now.  It feels good to have that, and now I feel like a Ph.D.   With the diploma, dissertation, and regalia, and almost a year to get it all, I feel complete.  I also was able to get my article submitted to the academic journal and it should be up for publication soon.  Having three published articles and a conference presentation will go far in my pursuits of opportunities.

The second thing to talk about is my music collection.  I have decided to include all the music I want to preserve on a very large flash drive - it has 124 gigs storage - and so far I have a MASSIVE collection that I have both gleaned from other drives as well as downloading from Internet Archive - there are several large collections of original recordings of many obscure dance orchestras on there, and I downloaded a significant number of them.  It doesn't totally replace my entire CD collection I lost, but it is a good start.  My plan with my music collection now is to just get CD reissues of some of my favorite original LPs that are not available as downloads, and this third incarnation of my music collection will be a lot smaller but still substantial.  I won't go through the extensive cataloging system I had before either, because frankly I don't need to now. I have literally shelves of original recordings now within a device that comfortably fits in the palm of my hand.  Technology advances, and I guess I need to keep up.

I also want to talk about dreams again.  I have done extensive discussions over the years about dream interpretation, as I believe that dreams are significant.  Unfortunately a huge number of resources on the market on this topic are often done by occult/New Age writers who get a lot wrong, and what I aim to do is develop a Christian understanding of dreams as they are also a prominent thing in Scripture as well.  Understanding and writing down dreams is something I feel is integral to one's emotional and spiritual health, as God uses dreams to talk to us sometimes.  That being said, I wanted to share a recent dream I had which really has stuck with me.

In the dream, I was in what looked like a facility with my house nearby, and a little girl of about 7 or 8 was up for adoption.  She was of Mongolian heritage in the dream, and she was such a tiny, dainty little thing and so beautiful.  I was ready to adopt her, and was in the process of doing so.  As I recall, in the story the little one was more or less abandoned by her parents, and she was somehow believing they were coming back for her.  However, in the dream I was talking to the office clerk who informed me her parents returning was something that wasn't going to happen, and she encouraged me to adopt the little one. The girl at first was hesitant, as she was still thinking her parents would miraculously show up, but in time my heart was warmed when she called me "Daddy."  I really felt connected to that little girl, and I felt a deep love for her as if she were my own.  There most certainly is something to a vivid dream like that, and upon researching it, I learned the following things:

1. New beginnings and change

2. A desire to nurture and care

3. Embracing the unknown

4. A strong desire for family or love

5. Expression of desires or needs I may not be consciously aware of

6. Assuming new responsibilities

In many of these instances, all of this has happened in the past 6 months or so as I have been forced for one thing to embrace the unknown and assume new responsibilities.  I also do want family, and I would love to have something to nurture as my own.  There are also things I know I am not aware of but my dreams bring that to the surface of my subconscious. And, the whole idea of new beginnings and change is something I have been forced to embrace over the past 5 years, as I have been in a constant state of flux.  There are some of these areas I am aware of but cannot discuss them as the time is not right for them here, but my goal is to reflect upon that when it comes to pass later and then share it.  However, these dreams are not an accident nor are they simply a reaction to the pizza I had for dinner yesterday. On the contrary, they both reflect real feelings but also may contain a message.  It is up to me to determine what that is now. 

This week's reflection is somewhat eclectic and brief, but it summarizes what has been going on.  I should be back again next week with further insights on things, so thanks for stopping by and will see you soon. 

Making Some Reflections

 I am writing twice this week as it is a slower week.  Today at school we are just having parent/teacher conferences virtually and we have a slow timeslot now.  But, that gave me some impetus for refleciton today so allow me to ramble as I share.  

From this fourth-floor vantage where my classroom window is, I have a panoramic view of everything.  If I look west, there is the skyline of downtown Baltimore.  If I look east, the glittering golden domes of St. Michael Church, a Byzantine Ukrainian Catholic parish, catch the rays of sunlight which intensify the golden splendor of the beautiful onion-shaped domes of the church.  Looking south, there is a nice view of the Inner Harbor, which if you go straight down Chester Street here will take you there.  A variety of boats of different sizes are hitched to docks down on the harbor, and in the distance the huge smokestacks of a factory can be seen.  While the weather is hazy this morning, it is the first day of Spring and thankfully the chilliness of the winter is a distant memory (at least for now - March can still have the potential of a big snow if one should come into the area).  Although I am battling a cold right now - my throat thankfully is not as scratchy but the stuffiness of my nose is still a thing and the unmistakeable histamine smell is lingering in my nostrils - I am able to function OK and the fact we have a relatively light day here helps a lot.  Let me now just vent a bit.

Teaching high schoolers is not for the faint of heart - while many of them are decent kids, there are disruptive troublemakers who can be a major headache for all of us as teachers. Having a break from some of them is a huge help for us, and it helps the teachers to refocus too.  While it is short-lived (Monday class is back in session) the breaks are refreshing and welcomed.  Many students get a skewered idea of what a teacher thinks - they seem to think we are just chomping at the bit to flunk them or write them up for bad conduct.  In reality, that is not the case.  We want all of our students we are challenged with educating to succeed, but when some slack off in their studies or act up like petulent children in class, they make things harder for themselves.  As I am on the verge of surviving my first year as a full-time educator, it has been a bit of hit-and-miss for me.  I know I am not perfect, and on occasion I may lose composure with students that push my buttons.  Also, given I was thrown into this in the middle of a quarter, I have had to wing the lesson plans somewhat and that has taken some adjustment as well.  However, it also is giving me some lessons to learn for next year too, and as I get ready to navigate the 79 high school juniors I teach in five classes to the finish line over the next couple of months, I am making mental notes of what I could do better, what I have done that is effective, and also I always keep an eye open for new ideas.  The classes I have next year will be different students, with completely different personalities, and it will take understanding them to deal with them as well.  But, at least this year I have managed to gain some insights and I can apply those to my next group in the coming academic year. 

Sitting in faculty meetings tends to be enlightening as well.   One very good idea this school has is that our grade-level and departmental faculty groups meet together fairly regularly, and they are often very productive meetings.  However, you notice things too from your fellow teachers.  Some teachers, for instance, are complaining about problem students in one class who in my classes are generally not an issue.  Likewise, I have problem students who do well conduct-wise with other teachers.  One unfortunate trap we as educators fall into though is not being able to recognize things such as learning disorders or other issues the students may face.  I know of at least one student I have who is autistic, and another one I am thinking struggles with dyslexia.  Both are Black kids, and I note similar issues with them that other teachers have too.  However, knowing the complexities of things like autism and dyslexia makes a teacher more effective at reaching those students, and while it is easy to dismiss these kids as lazy, apathetic, or something else, patterns should be noted and investigated, as there may be an underlying cause.  If a teacher can successfully identify that root issue, a plan can be formulated which will capitalize more on the student's strengths and less on their perceived complications.  A good guidance counselor at a school can be an asset in this area as well.  We as teachers don't have the capacity to diagnose learning disabilities, but we can raise awareness of the potential and work with school authorities and the parents to find ways to sort through the issue.  Therefore, if a student displays certain patterns, it should be documented and then recommended for further inquiry with the proper sources.  

As can be seen, we are in the process of developing a pedagogy or an educational philosophy.  An approach based on empathy balanced with discipline will definitely go a long way.  If the student don't appreciate the teacher at the time, they may later.  The biggest and most pleasant surprise is in the future when a former student approaches you and tells you what an impact you had on them, especially when you did not feel at the time you accomplished anything.  Thank you for allowing me to share. 

The Settling Into Routine

 I have done a fairly detailed chronicle of my journey since last October, and in all honesty, it is an adventure I overall do not care to repeat.  After almost 6 months of feeling very unsettled, similar to a fish out of water, I am finally in the vernacular "finding my groove" as it were.  A couple of trips to the storage facility Barbara and I share in West Virginia has reunited me with much of my personal paperwork and some other things I needed, and we are not quite done yet.  At the present time, the storage unit still holds about 50% of our stuff, so it will be some time yet before total restoration happens.  But, at least now it is feeling better than it did. 

As I mentioned as well, two weeks ago today Barbara moved into the room next to mine, and for the first time in several months we are again under the same roof.  While people may find the relationship Barbara and I have odd (it baffled the Dominican friar at the church when we told him of us last week), it works for us.  We are no longer married obviously, but we are still close and still good friends and that speaks much of a level of maturity on our part.  It is bad mythology to assume that a divorced couple has to hate each other's guts, and in all honesty it is something that society has bought into contributing to its own detriment.  Divorce is tragic in any circumstance admittedly, but life happens - and so does divorce.  Barbara and I thought years ago that we would be married no matter what, yet we ended up doing the unthinkable and divorcing after almost 28 years of marriage. We don't blame each other for it happening, as we were neither totally at fault nor were we totally perfect either.  In many cases, we were victims of circumstance - being pushed by a Pentecostal cult into a marriage when we were not ready for it, and then allowing divisive in-laws to get into our business and cause further trust issues.  When it was all said and done though, Barbara and I are much better friends than we ever were spouses, and we both see that now.  And, that bears further reflection.

Barbara and I are both feeling much better about being back under the same roof again - we both felt a loss and it was difficult for both of us over the past several months.  We are like a brother and sister, as we look out for each other, pool our resources, and generally what we have makes more practical sense given the circumstances.  Many people have applauded us for our state right now, and many are initially shocked but then see how good it works for us and then they are fully supportive.  And, it perhaps is saving both our lives on many levels.   Barbara has unfortunately faced some major health issues in the past several months, and perhaps my being close by may actually be a good thing for her.  Likewise, I am not getting any younger, and a little extra help benefits me as well.  As odd and unorthodox an arrangement that we have is, it works out beautifully, and we are doing better because of it.  For those who would seek to be condemnatory and judgmental, you already know what you can do with yourselves although I am too civil to say it here.  

Part of the resettling of our lives entails getting back some things we thought we had lost.  The crazy circumstances of our move from Hagerstown created a situation for us that tested every fiber of our beings, but we survived and prevailed.  We have had to adjust some things, but nothing too earthshaking.  The idea of surviving vs. thriving comes into consideration here, and I have to say that I have thrived against the odds.  There are days I still have to come to terms with things, but as life starts to fall into place, I must look at this as a new chapter God has opened in my life.  

I am uncertain where things will end up in the long term, but I at least have secure work, Barbara too now has a better home, and as the dust settles a new life is taking shape.  Perhaps when I write in a year I will have a new dimension to the story to share.  God's will and timing will tell. 

Thanks again for allowing me to share my thoughts this week, and I will be back soon. 

Settlement and Restoration

 The past week has had its challenges, but it also has been more satisfying.  Barbara has rented the vacant room in the house now, so she is back under the same roof.  It is actually quite refreshing to have her back in the house, as we are close friends and it gives a dimension of normalcy to what has been an otherwise upside-down several months.  As Barbara gets settled, new routines have been established, as well as bringing back some old ones that benefitted both of us in the past.  It has been wonderful, for instance, to not have to commute on that cursed #21 bus to work every morning.  I still have to take the bus home in the afternoon, but that is much more manageable.  It also means being able to sleep in a half hour later than I used to.  Some other restorative measures have happened as well that in reality have made me feel a little more whole again, so I will get into those now.

My music collection, as many of you who have been following me a long time know, is a very integral part of who I am.  I have collected vintage big band recordings for the better now of 43 years, and for a time I amassed what was perhaps the largest collection I could have dreamed of.  However, with the sudden move last October, I lost a considerable amount of my collection although I did maintain my more important LP sets, which are safe in a storage unit in Martinsburg at this point. However, due to the shock of losing so much, I haven't paid much attention to my music interest over the past few months, as it was a devastating loss to not have a huge majority of the impressive collection it had taken me the better of 30 years to accumulate.  However, thanks to new 21st century technology, I have discovered a new format that allows me to recoup a lot of the old collection in a compact form - the flash drive.  A couple of days ago, I received in the mail a small flash drive containing over 4800 recordings covering a 40-year period between 1900-1940, and much of it was material I had once had in my massive CD collection.  I am able to carry what once was half my library in the palm of my hand, so that was a revolutionary thing.  I have four more of those coming the next week which will add some vintage radio broadcasts (including "Spotlight Bands," "GI Jive," and "One-Night Stand") as well as complete libraries of both Harry James and Guy Lombardo.  I also managed to obtain at a good price two Time-Life CD collections - one is the vintage "Big Bands" series that had originally been released in the early 1980s (I had the Glenn Miller volume on LP back then) and the other is a large collection called "Your Hit Parade" which covers essentially every significant song between the years 1940 and the early 1960s.  Along with the LPs I have in storage (including the two HUGE Franklin Mint sets I was able to salvage), I have a good start to rebuilding what was once an impressive music collection.  I think this time though I will focus on things I really want and not be as comprehensive, except on the drives maybe (I can create my own flash drives too of a lot of original stuff, as it is readily available on both YouTube and Internet Archive).  I may get a few more CDs of things I want outside the genre (namely some classical collections like Igor Stravinsky, as well as some Gospel and liturgical recordings like those I once had), but we'll get to that later.   This new incarnation of my music collection - the third - will be smaller but more focused.  I don't think it is feasible to recover every recording I had before, as I invested many years and thousands of dollars getting those.  But, I can still have a collection I can enjoy for years to come. 

A couple of trips to storage in Martinsburg - one this Friday - have also been reuniting me with much of my personal papers and other things that are significant, and now that I have those back, the challenge is organization.  Due to my smaller living quarters, I do not have near the space I used to have so I have some logistical challenges to overcome.  But, I have managed before, so this is no different.  With Barbara being here now, it means a lot of new opportunities including being reunited with so much of our stuff which we have had to resort to storing in a facility almost 100 miles away.  

As I conclude this week's reflections, I am still in a state of transition, but I am also starting to see some positives as I begin to settle for the first time in a while.  That frankly feels good, and I am hoping to see more of that happen as time progresses.  Thank you for letting me share this week, and I will see you next time. 

New Horizons

 This is now March - the month came in like a wooly lion; cold in the morning but significantly warmer during the day.  And, with this being Ash Wednesday, it means Lent is upon us.  There is much to think about as we officially cross the first quarter of 2025, and I had a few things to reflect upon today.

To begin with, I mentioned that my ex-wife Barbara and I are still very close despite not being married any longer.  She made a good decision lately to move to Baltimore, as she has been facing some challenges and she needed something of a breakthrough.  Just keep her in your prayers.  

Secondly, last week was an exciting week too.  As I was walking over to the Royal Farms store across from the school one day to get my morning coffee and pastry, it was inescapable to see a huge dead rat, with a morbid grin on its face, lying right in the middle of the sidewalk.  And, as is the case with a liberal Democrat-run city like Baltimore, it has been two weeks now and that rat is still there.  You would think they would clean that stuff up due to disease and such, but they didn't.  Looking at that rat though made me think of something pretty profound, and I wanted to share that today.

Having gone through some profound changes over the past year in my own life, there are still lots of things to process.  While I am a lot more financially secure than I was, I still struggle with dealing with the changes that have taken place, as they were earth-shaking and rapid.  As much as I try though, some things are like that dead rat - they are now in the past, yet they are laying there on the path with a morbid grin staring at me.  What are those?  Reminders of things I have lost, but also the memories of the trauma that facilitated those losses.  At times it can be a lot to deal with.  So, how do I deal with these feelings?  I have to think two words - new horizons.  

I am at a crossroads in life I had not anticipated - a lot of my old life as I had known it over the past 20 or more years is now gone, and in its place is a new existence.  There are many positives about a new existence in this case - thanks to this new position teaching in the Jesuit school I work at, I am probably the most financially secure I have been in years.  That is perhaps the biggest positive.  There are days though I wonder if it was worth it - that is the dead rat staring up at me from the middle of my path forward.  Seeing the urban blight in some areas of Baltimore as I commute to work and home on the city bus, dealing with obstinate minority kids in some classes I teach, and even dealing with crazy people at bus stops (more on that shortly) serve to remind me that this change happened and there is no going back.  But, there are other positives too - Barbara is now closer to me, and we do have a wonderful "new" President who is making some dramatic changes that will ultimately be good for our nation.  Thanks to President Trump, I may actually get to visit a very special person in the Philippines this summer (Lord be in that please!).  As events unfold on that I will share details later.  Let me now divert this line of thought and tell you what happened to me last week. 

Thursday I left school in the afternoon to catch my usual bus home across the street.  Generally that stop at the corner of Eastern Avenue and Chester Street is nothing spectacular - it is in front of an old boarded-up former Burger King, and while the street is busy, it is not anything earth-shaking.  But, this is the city, and you learn to anticipate the unpredictable.  At the bus stop this day, there was a woman - she looked Hispanic and in her early 60s - who was obviously indigent.  She had long matted black hair with gray streaks, and a ratty-looking winter coat.  She was hollering and flailing her arms about in a weird manner though at the bus stop, and naturally I thought maybe she was on a phone call with a Bluetooth device, as that is a common thing now.  However, she didn't have a cell phone, and instead was haranguing a group of imaginary friends that were only visible in her ill mind, and she then proceeded to start begging for money or food - she was asking if I could buy her a pizza!  I told her no, and she went back to talking to her imaginary audience without missing a beat.  One of the things she was saying in a thick accent was she was cursing Satan for grabbing her lady parts - I was like "ooookayyy!!" when I heard that.  She also was claiming someone in a black car was following her and trying to cast a voodoo spell or something on her.  Anyway, the bus came, I got on, and she took a seat just across the aisle from me.  She continued her crazy talk, and within ten minutes I had gotten to my transfer stop at the coffee shop on East Avenue.  Not thinking any more of it, and having a long wait to make my bus connection, I went in and had my normal cherry Italian soda - that coffee shop makes the best!  A few minutes later, here comes the crazy lady, and she is trying to beg for food.  At that point, I saw this could be a potential issue, and when the counter person refused her, she left the store.  A little bit later, I saw it was almost time for my bus to get there, so I went out.  Guess who I saw at the bus stop - yes, the crazy woman.  Nuttier than a squirrel in a Snickers factory, she was still talking to a cadre of imaginary friends.  I didn't want to deal with this person any more, so I decided to catch the bus across the street instead.  The bus I usually take home goes to Canton Crossing first and then it turns around to come back.  For some idiotic reason, if you decide to ride it down there you have to get off and then re-board the damn bus just to get back.  I wasted no time getting across the street and waiting for the bus to come - it did shortly after.  As I was boarding, I warned the bus driver that a potentially mentally-disturbed woman may try to board, and wouldn't you know it, here she came!  She got on the bus, still doing her crazy talk, and when I got to Canton Crossing I ran to get away from her as at this point I felt like she was stalking me.  But, here she came, stopping first to beg at a sandwich shop down there, and then she boarded my bus home.  I was trying to think of a strategy to deal with her if she continued riding my transfers, and decided if she got off at my stop again I would call the police and have her dealt with.  Fortunately, she dozed off, and when my stop came up at the corner of 25th and Greenmount, two blocks from my house, I was able to get off and make a hasty retreat home.  The crazy lady was still snoozing and didn't know the difference.  God only knows where she went after all that, but thankfully I got away from her as I was really starting to feel concern.  She, like that dead rat in the middle of the sidewalk, was one of those things that confronts you, and you have to find a way to deal with that.  Thankfully God was with me and I did. 

The dead rat and the crazy woman on the bus reminded me of the same thing in different ways - some things from our past remained unresolved, and there are new challenges to face in a new life.  As you read this today, think of your own challenges, and how you deal with circumstances like that.   As you do, hopefully it will lead to a greater reliance on God's provision in all situations.  Thank you for allowing me to share today. 

Walking on Eggshells

 One of the major challenges of being a teacher - especially at the high school level - is trying to maintain order.  The kids in my classes are at that age where they think they have it all figured out, and they often try to manifest it in their behavior.  This can be challenging to deal with when you have a class of about 15 juniors who choose often to be loud, disruptive, and deliberately try to cause issues.  The student who asks to go to the bathroom and then is out for most of the class.  The other student who has a penchant for being the class clown and finds ways to derail the day's class discussion. Yet others think that the fundamental rules of classroom decorum somehow don't apply to them and they try to manipulate things to their advantage.  For anyone who has taught high school, you know exactly what I am talking about.  Generally, you learn how to deal with these issues as time goes on, but then a sponsorship committee for the school you teach at shows up and they sit in on your class.  Then, the particular students who are the "problem children" are not at their best, and it doesn't look good.  That was my week so far.  In many ways, I also understand that perhaps I read too much into it, and in reality it may not be as bad as I think.  But, the craziness of the situation does cause you some discomfort - you lose sleep over it, and you start having concerns about what will happen if you lose your contract over something like that.  In most cases, that probably will not happen, as at times we tend to mentally put ourselves through stress over things that are in reality trivial matters.  Once this is realized, the overwhelming relief one feels is a feeling that is indescribable at times - it is as if a huge weight has been lifted, or that you fell off a cliff and someone with the skill of a cowboy lassos you and pulls you back before you plummet to your death. Have any of you reading this felt that before?

I teach at a Jesuit high school in Baltimore, and as part of their compliance measures they have annual visits from a variety of committees - ones dealing with Jesuit schools in general, diocesan teams, educational network people, etc.  It is natural to seek to maintain standards, and understandable that these visits are accountability measures.  But, they can also be stressful as the future of your position as well as even the future of the school could depend on what they report later.  I have dealt with review committees before - my most recent experience was my dissertation committee when I was finishing up my Ph.D. last year.  On one hand, it is a milestone, and as my Research Director for my dissertation told me, we should not view it as an inquisition but rather as an opportunity to celebrate your achievement. Maybe school committees who visit and observe should be viewed in the same way, something easy to say in theory but then a bit challenging in practice, especially when you have some students that do not want to cooperate.  

One thing I have learned about committees as well.  In many cases, when these individuals visit and observe, interview, and present findings, they are doing so as teachers themselves in many cases.  They have been where you are, they understand the challenges, and they may not be as hard on you as you are on yourself.  But, honestly, it is still unnerving.  The idea here is in this case to try to see the bigger picture, and come to the realization that your worst moments will not necessarily seal a grim fate for your career.  After all, everyone has bad days, right?  Again, this can be easier said than done, but at the same time it also should be viewed in the context of similar situations.  Also, talking to your colleagues can relieve some worries as well, as many of them are facing the same situation you are.  Maybe they can offer some advice.  One very nice thing about this school where I teach is that we have support structures in place - our subject-area department has regular meetings, as does our grade-level instructor groups.  These meetings are generally weekly or monthly, and it is a chance to voice concerns and relate to your fellow instructors regarding things that come up.  Many of them also deal with the same group of students you do, so they understand the issues you may be facing.  Therefore, groups like that can be a valuable resource. 

Onto less onerous topics, I wanted to express my satisfaction at President Trump's progress at attempting to clean up things.  He has a job ahead of him, and already the culprits who are responsible for the issues are screaming, but they are also losing.  America has been in serious need of reform for a long time - in society and in government.  Trump's new Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is headed by tycoon Elon Musk, and he has already rooted out a lot of waste in government spending as well as streamlining and correcting problems caused by that waste.  Why anyone in their right minds would oppose this escapes sound logic - regardless one's political persuasion, elevating the life of our citizens while holding bureaucrats accountable should be a rallying point for almost all of us.  Yet, it is not unfortunately, and there are some in this liberal bastion called Baltimore that are actually lamenting the rein-in of corruption.  What I have to say to them is this - if you like the old way so much, then go somewhere and build your little utopia where you can have the status quo, as corrupt as it is, continue. But, if you find your quality of life gets worse, remember you wanted this, so suck it up Buttercup.  And, that leads me to some other weekly observations I wanted to note.

One major thing in the news is Pope Francis and his health.  He was hospitalized last week with double pneumonia, and at almost 89 years old, this makes him highly vulnerable.  Now, last report is that he may be in the initial stages of kidney failure as well.  I wanted to reflect on this a moment.  First, I am no fan of Pope Francis - in all honesty, he has been one of the worst Pontiffs of the Church in centuries, and he has also inflicted much damage on good, orthodox clergy in order to advance his own agenda.  But, at the same time, no one wishes ill will to him healthwise - having a respiratory problem like that is no fun, believe me, so I empathize with Francis on that.  We should also definitely pray for the Pope - any person with a heart and soul, regardless of what they think of him otherwise, cannot deny the importance of this.  But, in praying for his health, let's also pray that this is a time of reflection for him, and that he can have a conversion of heart to rectify some bad decisions he has made.  Whether he survives this (and it is not looking good) or not is neither here nor there; the salvation of his soul is.  If he comes out of it, perhaps he can be a Pope with a changed heart.  If he doesn't, then maybe in his final moments he can find the grace he needs to end his life on a good note.  Ultimately, it's in God's hands, but let us continue to lift up Pope Francis in our prayers regardless. 

Thank you for allowing me to spill my proverbial guts again this week, and will see you again soon. 

Thoughts on Renewing Society

 At this point, I live in one of the biggest cities in the nation, Baltimore.  A few observations about living here have been going through my mind the past couple of weeks, and I wanted to just reflect on some of these thoughts today.  A couple of things led to me doing this, and I want to give a little background first on the topic.

I teach, as I have mentioned, at a Jesuit high school  As part of the Theology department at my school, I am aware that there are some of my colleagues who have more liberal outlooks than I do.  One of those is the 12th-grade Theology teacher, who is an older lady but she also for some reason does give me cause for concern based on some of her views.  She focuses a lot on race, "social justice," and other things, one of which is the whole discussion on what is called gentrification.  Gentrification is defined as "the process whereby the character of a poor urban area is changed by wealthier people moving in, improving housing, and attracting new businesses, typically displacing current residents in the process."  Gentrification has become a bogeyman of the political Left, and even this definition reflects some political bias in the way it is perceived.  There are several issues with how this is perceived, and I want to tackle those now.

Many of the opponents of gentrification are also the biggest whiners about so-called "climate change."  One would think that if someone is genuinely concerned about the environment, they might want to tackle urban blight.  However, in many cases that is not the case.  There is a real hypocrisy on the part of Leftists regarding these issues, and the appalling way they approach it reveals what their agenda is truly about.  While of course I would not advocate displacing anyone to make way for wealthier residents of a community, there are a couple of problems with the Leftist view.  For one, many of the Leftists who decry gentrification are themselve wealthy, often White, and they really have no concern for their fellow humanity.  Second, if they were really all that concerned about the environment, then urban blight would be a pivotal issue for them - it is not.  Third, the typical Leftist elitist has little concern about the plight of the lower-income citizenry of the city or about urban blight - their agenda dictates that people have to be divided, compartmentalized, and kept in squalor in order to make them dependent upon the "welfare state" so that they can maintain power.  This is why you don't see Leftists picking up trash in problem areas, and you don't really see any true charity on their part.  If they knew they could advance their own status, they would toss poor people out in a second, and in many cases, what is often called "gentrification" is exactly that - then, the same people use that BS to tell the rest of us that gentrification is somehow evil.  And, the way they do it, it is evil.  Let me go into more detail.

Urban blight is a big problem in Baltimore - there is trash strewn all over many neighborhoods in the city, and no one is attempting cleanup.  Even the "Adopt-a-Highway" programs of the 1980s and 1990s were killed by - wait for it - the Obama administration.  For all the fuss about so-called "climate change," I find it ironic that the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortezes, the Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warrens, as well as countless other swamp creatures in positions of power, want to regulate cow flatuence but have no desire to pick up trash in areas they supposedly represent.  If climate change were truly an issue (and believe me, it is just rhetoric for the career bureaucrats and politicians), then there would be a concerted effort to clean up neighborhoods in these cities like Baltimore.  Even the 11th graders I teach - all practically minority students - understand this, as they all have identified excessive trash as a big issue in their communities.  During the mornings when I am walking to the bus stop to catch my ride to work, I walk past a rowhouse on a major thoroughfare in my neighborhood where the basement entrance has been converted into a makeshift dumpster, and no one attempts to clean the crap up - I have also seen huge rats in the overflowing trash receptacles in the same area, and that increases the probability of disease.  So, where are the politicians addressing this?  That is urban blight, and it is a scandal for our society.  The primary people who are cleaning up communities are by and large conservative or libertarian Republicans, not leftist Democrats.  The Leftists are elitists and do not give a crap about the poor minority households in Baltimore or any other city.  All they do is use rhetoric to tickle the ears of people and rile them up unnecessarily over stupid things.  Enough is enough.

So, is gentrification bad?  It depends on perspective.  If it means cleaning up the communities, repairing homes, and encouraging economic growth for neighborhoods, then there should be no issues.  I mean, everyone deserves the chance to improve their communities, and that should be a primary goal.  However, if it means that rich White yuppie Leftists displace lower-income families in those neighborhoods so they can have yoga studios, marijuana dispensaries, and terrible coffeehouses, then that should be discouraged.  People should not be forced to be displaced, and that aspect of false "gentrification" is immoral and wrong.  And, for other leftists - like my colleague here at the high school I teach at - are so against gentrification, maybe they should put their money where their mouths are and propose something better then.  Maybe, such people should take a trash bag in hand and start picking up the garbage in those neighborhoods if they really care.  I mean, seriously, making people live in squalor to fight the false facade of "gentrification" solves nothing for nobody.  And that is the inconsistency and hypocrisy of many Leftists in their talking points.  So, let me give my own modest proposal of what needs to happen.

For one thing, people in the communities have a certain amount of responsibility to improve where they live.  Especially if they are investing resources into their own homes, they need to show some pride in their neighborhoods.  That means that cleanup needs to take place at a grassroots level, and a measure of responsibility should be endowed upon those who actually live in those communities.  Secondly, I have seen some encouraging things in some areas here - I am seeing some encouraging things in many communities such as community gardens, painted murals on buildings, and those little free library boxes for people to access free books. Some other measures that could be taken is community neighborhood watches to discourage crime (the epidemic of "porch piracy" is rife in many communities, and that needs to be controlled), community assistance programs to assist people having some challenges in those communities, and an easier process for people in the community to start local businesses to stimulate the economy.  Many Leftists oppose stuff like this though because these types of programs encourage self-sufficiency, and God forbid that vulnerable demographics do that!  It would wrestle control from Leftist bureaucrats and place it back in the rightful hands of the local communities. And, that would take power and wealth away from crooked elitist bureaucrats.  Why do you think so many of those swamp creatures are riled up over Elon Musk and DOGE?  There has been a lot of taxpayer money wasted on stupid things, and I applaud Elon cleaning house.  If anything, we need more of that, and also a more urgent sense of accountability in our governing structures.  Hopefully, Elon and President Trump can start a revolution to overthrow rich elitist bureaucrats and restore order and democracy to our nation.  It is time to bring the American Dream back, but in order to do that, we need to eliminate the architects of the current nightmare we have been facing.  A challenge awaits us. 

Any rate, those are my thoughts this week, so will see you soon.

The Backroads

 

I am writing again based on a dream I had last night.  In the dream, my mother was still alive and we were traveling on what looked like some back roads in my home state of West Virginia.  In transversing those roads, what was familiar in dreamland is often not reality once one wakes up, and in real life these roads and scenes technically don't exist.  As is the case with many backroads in my home state, there are turns, crossroads, and even jacknife-like turnbacks, and it was something I felt comfortable and at home with.  At one point, we came to a river in the dream - it looked so much like the South Branch Potomac and Cheat Rivers I grew up around.  In the middle of the river were two barge-like vessels, and there seemed to be an attempt to build a bridge.  The whole thing was quite interesting, and as I began thinking about it after I woke up, I began pondering if a meaning was there somewhere.  And, that is what I want to reflect upon today.

The enchantment of the backroads is an integral fact of life for those of us who grew up in West Virginia, and even on the peripheries of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Virginia that border my home state.  You learn navigating those roads a bit differently from other types of travel, in that landmarks play an important role for local people.  You never say, for instance to turn on Route So-and-So when giving directions - you always say something like, "yeah, hang a left at that barn near the Shanholtz place, and then go to where that oak tree sits at the next corner.  Make a right across from the oak tree, and follow that road to the old Nestor place - nice place to pick blackberries, by the way - and then you will see where you need to go yonder past the old fence."  This is how I give directions pretty much now, and I understand that.  Sure, I know route numbers and streets and will utilize those if I need to (living in Baltimore you have to) but I also still try to identify landmarks where those turns are - for instance, to get from where I live to my work, you have to go down North Avenue and turn on Wolfe Street (funny story about that shortly).  But, for me, I look for the Lutheran church at the intersection, as that is where Wolfe Street is, and I take that all the way down to the courthouse at the corner of Wolfe and Monument Streets.  So, even in the city, I still navigate by landmarks just like I used to do on those dusty old backroads back home.  

Humorous side story about Wolfe Street here in Baltimore.  Wolfe Street is not the most impressive route to travel - it looks like a ghetto as many of the old rowhouses are boarded up, and at certain spots one even sees homeless people wrapped up in blankets sleeping under bridges and such.  However, a source of amusement to break the monotony of traveling that same route every day is the automated voice on the bus.  At every stop, a robotic female voice announces the intersections and transfers to other routes, and for the most part there is nothing spectacular about that.  The only exception is when the bus goes down Wolfe Street - the female robot says "Wolfe" in a flat, almost annoyed tone, and then goes back to the normal cadence of voice on "Street."  What is even funnier though is when she says transfers.  The bus routes that serve downtown Baltimore are not identified by numbers, but by colors - for instance, the bus that drops me off out here at the corner where the school is would be CityLink Navy.  The bus I usually take is local route 21, but it parallels another color bus, the CityLink Gold.  When the female voice announces an intersection and transfers, she sounds like a bubbleheaded Valley girl when she says "CityLink Gold," and likewise that is a source of amusement that makes me chuckle under my breath everytime I hear it.  Since I mentioned Wolfe Street, I wanted to share that little amusing anecdote of my travels.

Getting back to the backroads though, they are a part of my own story - I am used to them, have traveled on them and lived near them most of my life, and for me there is a comfort, an endearing charm, with the backroads.  In many of my dreams, I see backroads - of course, in the dream world, they look a lot different but still as familiar to me as the real things.  I am not sure of why I dream of backroads - is there a meaning to them?  I tend to believe there is, but haven't totally sorted it all out yet.  Many of the dreams I have had about backroads have usually been pleasant, and there is a sort of security in them.  It could be that those backroads in my dreams symbolize I am secure and safe despite other things, and they could also be a coping mechanism for stress - many dreams are after all.  I have dealt with my dreams many times before, and I always take them seriously - dreams are a window into one's soul, and also serve as a sort of email from God in some cases to convey messages.  The scenery you see in dreams more than likely doesn't exist in real life, but in the dream there is a familiarity.  What is freakier though is that at certain times in life, you will travel to areas that look almost identical to what you see in dreams - that happened a couple of years back when traveling in Pennsylvania as a matter of fact.  They call that deja vu, but although it does happen it is still a mystery why we see places like this in real life later that we vividly dreamed about.  And, again it is the backroads.  

The charm of a backroad lies in its ambience - it is peaceful, aesthetically appealing, and embodies its own mysteries.  Especially if walking down a backroad, it gives you time to reflect, and even express those reflections in self-directed speech because no one else is around and you can be out there without anyone bothering you.  The solitude is a good way to clear one's mind, which is probably why God allows dreams of them for me.  If you travel the back road enough, you get to know it like an old friend, and it becomes a part of you whether you intended it or not.  I still remember as a preteen and even during my high school years, how I walked those back roads looking for things to harvest like fiddleheads or wild garlic, or going fishing at a favorite hole in the creeks that often ran alongside those roads.  As a younger kid, it was not uncommon to stop at those creeks, take off my shoes, and wade around in them looking for crawfish and other critters.  The simplicity of doing things like that is a precious memory, and there are days I miss that a lot. 

The simplicity of life often gets lost in the routines of our busy lives, especially when living in a large city like Baltimore, where the only wildlife consists of either flocks of pigeons congregating over the coffee shop I stop at each day on Eastern Avenue, or the rats that occasionally dive in and out of the litter-strewn alleys near Greenmount.  And, the rush-rush-rush of punctual clock-in times, meetings, and other junk that clutters our life (often without necessity) makes us forget.  We feel an emptiness, like we know we were not meant for this, and day after day of the same boring routines can be depressing.  God provides us those dreams to remind us that life is much more beautiful than the circumstances we are forced into many times.  And, the backroads remind us that the congested city streets are not who we are, nor are they were life ends.  We are more than that, and God seeks to remind us even in the little things. 

I have spent much time rambling about all this, but in all honesty I needed to.  The routines of busy life - especially in a large city such as Baltimore - can burn you out.  I have been feeling very disconnected lately, and as if a part of me is buried, and I want to rediscover that.  Maybe God can show me how to, and there are reasons we have these feelings.  And, there are reasons we have the dreams when our eyes close as our head is nestled in the pillows.  Perhaps tapping into that somehow would be an answer to the depression, discontent, and misplacement we can feel sometimes, and figuring out how to bring it all together is the next step.  Maybe I can find that at some point. 

Thank you for allowing me to share today, and I will see you next week. 

Observations This Week

 I was trying to decide what my thoughts would be this week, as I originally was going to begin a series on Christian morality based on what I am teaching my 11th graders.  A good orthodox Christian morality is necessary these days, as there seems to be confusion about certain things.   It is easy, for instance, for some people to take a Christian virtue and twist it around to advance an agenda - Pope Francis is unfortunately a master of this manipulation.  A lot of things go through my mind as I think about this, so I am going to wait until I have something more substantial to begin a series on Christian morality - I am developing a curriculum based on Fr. John Kiely's 1924 book, Instructions on Christian Morality, and there are still about 3 full months of the academic year left yet.  Given I was sort of tossed into my teaching responsibilities in the midst of the school year, I am having to develop a curriculum by flying by the seat of my pants.  Fortunately, my principal was a big help, as he obtained a copy of Fr. Kiely's book for me, so that is a plus.  The course as a whole is called "Sacraments and Morality," and the way it is structured is the first semester of the year deals with the Sacraments, and I had a textbook for that thankfully.  The second part of the year deals with Morality, and that is where it gets tricky - I don't have an actual textbook for that aspect of it, so I have to work on the proverbial fly to create something for it.  The school I teach at also wants to inject "social justice" into the curriculum, but I am doing my own spin on that to deflect the Marxist flavor of that concept from messing with Magisterial teaching.  Let me explain that further.

"Social justice" is essentially a term for soft-core Marxism, and often it is couched in religious language to make it appeal to Church people.  This was a contribution of notorious Marxist agitator Saul Alinsky in the 1930s, and somehow he managed to get his ideas injected into the platforms of some notable Catholic authorities then, including Jesuit theologian Jacques Maritain, who was a good friend of Alinsky's.  Having been challenged by my own parish priest to be a "beacon of truth," I am going to teach justice the way it should be taught - it is a cardinal virtue, and in its proper context it does benefit society.  However, that orthodox understanding of justice often stands in contrast with the "Social Justice" rhetoric of some leftist Catholics, in that they are not the same thing.  For one thing, while racism is a indeed a sin (and very demonic in many cases), the problem with many "Social Justice" advocates is that in the name of supposedly fighting racism, they in reality substitute one type of racism with another.  This makes "Social Justice" very unjust, and let me give you a preview of my class notes just to make the point.

The Decalogue (Ten Commandments) are divided into two parts.  The first three deal with how we relate to God (piety), while the last seven deal with how we relate to each other (justice).  Jesus summarized the law in Mark 12:31, and for centuries this "Summary of the Law" was a part of many historic liturgies.  So what happens when we emphasize one of these but not the other?  If one exercises piety over justice, then the result is a rigid religious legalism that is short on grace and heavy on judgment.  This is a major flaw of Fundamentalists when they attempt to evangelize others, and also is a characteristic trait of nations such as Iran.  On the other hand, if one emphasizes justice over piety, it results in ultimate tyranny.  Some of the most evil and destructive regimes in history (Hitler, Stalin, etc.) started out as crusades for justice.  However, their view of "justice" was to eliminate those who they felt were unjust against them, and thus they ended up being much worse than the regimes they supplanted. Was Castro in Cuba, for instance, any better than Batista whom he overthrew?  Ask many Cuban ex-pats who live in Florida that I know.  Many of them did not come here during Batista's regime - most came after Castro overthrew Batista's regime.  Castro was of course Communist, and Communism is at its core anti-Christian.  So, the "justice" proposed by Castro and his ilk was not true justice, as it tried to divorce God from true justice, and that never works.  Trying to destroy God's order in anything will result in disaster - the sin of the Enlightenment, for instance, was divorcing faith from reason, which to that point were understood to be complementary and not contradictory.  Therefore, again, here are the two points of this:

1. Piety without justice is legalism.

2. Justice without piety leads to tyranny, not true justice.

The lesson here is clear - we need to stop screwing around with the natural order God has created, because it only ends in disaster.  If only some secularized liberal religious people would get this message, true renewal may happen in our Church.  However, in all honesty, I feel our Church is headed for a major schism soon, and if that happens I will always fall on the side of the orthodox, and not the liberal apostates seeking to conform Christianity to their images.  And, yes, that includes Pope Francis.  Pope Francis is a legitimate Pope, don't get me wrong.  But, he is also a very bad Pope, and he has inflicted damage on the Body of Christ that will end up costing souls.  It is the duty of every faithful Catholic to pray for guidance in this, and also pray protection over themselves, as the forces of evil are all about.  The field is full of tares, and to separate them from the wheat at this point may destroy the harvest.  That is why we need a perfect guidance from God to navigate the whole mess.  

Thank you for allowing me to ramble again this week, and I will look forward to visiting again next week.  

Dealing with Misplacement

 After battling a nasty bout of flu that kept me out of work for over a week, I am on the mend.   The infection is all gone but left me with a nasty cough that acts up if I get overheated, and I am ready to shake that as well.  Being in convalescence at home for a week, I became glaringly aware of the fact that I have been feeling discontented a lot lately.  I almost dread starting a day now in many cases - I am not thrilled with the house I live in, and my job can be challenging at times, and don't get me started on those bus trips!  Fortunately, in the last day or so there has been a bit of a turnaround, but I still have a bit to go.  I wanted to sort of talk about that today, as it really has a lot to do with many things that have happened in the past few months.

I am at heart a small-town guy - I do my best in a small town, and my values and other attributes I share have small-town influence and roots.  But, I find myself in the middle of one of the largest cities in the country, and it has been an adjustment.  The pollution, the population density, and so many other mess with my basic sensibilities, and as a result I find it hard to adjust at times.  Now, this is not my first time living in a city by no means - I lived in the Tampa Bay area for several years, and even faced a few of the same issues there, but not on this scale.  And, I also was extremely happy to move out of the cities too.  The cities have their benefits - the mass transit system, access to shopping and so many other things, and a higher level of salary for work - but they also are not ideal.  A city is ultimately a good place to do work and business, but not exactly the most ideal living place.  While in time things will either adjust or get better, it has been almost a daily challenge to exist recently and I am coming to terms with that.  

Of all the issues I face in urban living though, perhaps ideological issues are one of the toughest.  I am fairly conservative, a traditionalist, and I also embody the values of an older generation.  Often, in the middle of a big city such as this one, there are problems such as political and religious differences, and whereas in most of America I would be the mainstream, in the middle of the city I feel like a proverbial fish out of water.  Even the Catholic school I work at is somewhat divergent when it comes to how we view things, as many teachers tend to be more liberal than me and I am having to guard my convictions in order to prevent risking castigation by both the co-workers in my school as well as many of the students.  At some point there has to be a breaking point, but if one happens I want it to be as genial as possible.  Any rate, in many instances it is also a type of spiritual warfare, as I am contending often for my own soul and I feel that if I let my guard down on even the most subtle of deviations, I could risk issues.  That is one reason I am back to reading Watchman Nee's book again.

This week's discourse seems like rambling on and on, but I wanted to announce what I am going to be doing.  As I am charged with teaching a course on Sacraments and Morality, one huge challenge to that is the lack of a good textbook - I have had to fly by the seat of my pants to design a curriculum, and so far I have a decent one.  I am wanting to turn those notes into some blog article lessons, much like what I did when I taught the adult Bible studies at St. Mary's in Winter Haven years ago.  So, over the next few weeks, I will begin composing a series of articles that give basic lessons on morality, and in doing so I can also refine how I teach these things to 11th graders.  Therefore, next week we will begin that series.

Thanks again for allowing me to share this week, and will see you next time.

Recovery and Reflection

 As I write today, I am on the mend from a nasty bout of flu I have suffered with for the past couple of days.  It got me two days off work, and I was able to get some rest which was nice, although the miserable feeling of body aches and a nagging cough don't afford much.  It seems like a number of people at work were hit with the same thing too - many of the kids were out of school, and at least 7 teachers (including myself) called in yesterday.  I am thinking it has something to do with the sub-Arctic conditions we have had with our weather over the past several weeks - January has been one of the coldest months in a while on record, in at least 8 years.   The last time it was this chilly out was in 2017 at around this time, when Barbara, Mom, and I had just moved to Hagerstown from Florida.  I caught a nasty bout of the flu then too I recall.  I am starting to pine for Spring now - a little snow is OK, but this has been ridiculous.  Today it is a comfortable 46 degrees out, and my own temperature has stabilized at 98.8 - after at least two days of being over 100.  I am also preparing to eat my first full meal I have had in several days - the flu will rob your appetite, and I have been eating extremely light since Saturday.  So, I have a nice pizza on the way now to me which will be a good way to break the viral fast I have been compelled to be under.  While I was at home I had a lot of time to reflect - when I could, that is - and there are some things I want to share today.

To begin, starting last Thursday I re-watched both The Winds of War and War and Remembrance, two of the best mini-serial movies ever produced.  The last time I watched these was 3 years ago not long after Mom had passed away - it reflected my melancholy at the time in all honesty.  Being both a history buff as well as also just a major admirer of those movies in general, it was good to watch them again.  Being sick meant that I could binge-watch them over the course of the past three days, and so I did.  Both of these movies came out when I was still in high school, and they are based on two novels of the same names by Jewish-American author Herman Wouk.  I had attempted to read the novels too in high school but never managed to conquer them, although I plan on doing so soon.  I won't give you a synopsis of the books or the movies based on them, but what I wanted to do instead was reflect on the movies themselves and how they affect me personally.

In our weekly faculty meeting for our 11th-grade team last week, we did an icebreaker exercise that entailed naming what fictional character in a book or movie we would like to be.  I chose Dr. Aaron Jastrow from these two books/films.  Dr. Jastrow, who in the story is a prominent Jewish-American writer and professor, captivates me in that in many ways I am a lot like him too.  Like Dr. Jastrow, I embrace both my current religious identity as a Catholic, but also have strong ties to my religious past too.  It amounts to what I have taught for years that one's testimony is integral, and for someone to be truly Catholic, it is important to embrace what led to one's union with the Church.  This perhaps applies more to converts like myself, but it implications are potent when it comes to knowing oneself.  In the case of Aaron Jastrow, it led to his demise in a Nazi gas chamber at Auschwitz, and in perhaps one of the most powerful scenes of the entire movie, as Dr. Jastrow is in that chamber, stripped of all his clothes and minutes away from asphyxiation from the Zyklon B gas the demonic SS guards dump into the chamber, he is reciting the 23rd Psalm - The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...  His dying words are an affirmation of his faith in God and his identity as a Jewish man, despite years of trying to reconcile with the society around him.  There is a valuable lesson in this, and I want to go for that now for us as Catholics.

I work at a Jesuit high school in Baltimore, and as it is well known, the Jesuits tend to be extremely liberal theologically.  The administration of the school right now is lamenting President Trump's securing of our borders and they are almost making a political statement out of it.  This is despite some faculty members saying that in regard to Catholic teaching, it should be jettisoned because of "education not indoctrination."  OK, fine - so then, why are they pushing political indoctrination then? I have yet to see any of the faculty at our school participate in March for Life or any other cause that extolls the Church's teaching on the sanctity of life, yet they are really pushing this immigration thing.  I am fully aware that we do have a high proportion of Hispanics in the student body, but in all honesty most of them were born here.  And, despite my reservations about the Biden immigration disaster, I am not necessarily against immigration either - just obey the laws doing so is all.  If Catholic hierarchs were really that concerned about immigration, then maybe what they need to do is help make illegals legal by following the law in this case.  And, that includes even Pope Francis, who with all due respect needs to shut up and stay out of the immigration debate in this country.  Like some others have said, if Francis is so concerned, then why not take them in at the Vatican then?  We all know the answer to that, and nothing will change.  Francis, for a positive, is old now, so thankfully his pontificate is soon to be over, and I hate to say it but good riddance when it is over.  A lot of faithful Catholics feel the same way about this too, and with legitimate reasons.  We need serious reform in the Church, but a reform that restores our Catholic faith.  Get rid of the politicians and pedophiles in the hierarchy and elect holy men of God who are true shepherds to be our bishops.  Give the Latin Mass back its status and stop punishing people for wanting to celebrate it.  And, be a voice for traditional values and not merely a political mouthpiece for billionaire oligarchs.  If all of this happens, the Church can be restored and reformed. But, it's a tall order. May God have the grace to make it happen for us.

The past several months have been a time of upheaval and transition for me, and I have needed to rethink so much recently.   Being in a somewhat oppositional environment workwise with some liberal CINOs I have started reflecting again on my own story - what makes my own faith in other words.  There are many things I do miss about my religious past - the Baptist conventions, Pentecostal campmeetings and revivals, and the Anglican synods I used to attend.  I also miss the beauty of Eastern liturgies too, both Catholic and Orthodox.  I even miss some of the eschatological talk and other things too, and although I don't believe like a dispensationalist anymore, admittedly there was a sort of appeal to their ideas, and those guys were prolific authors.  And, the Evangelicals of 30 years ago - they lost their fire too.  Back then they had some real cultural warriors - Jerry Falwell, D. James Kennedy, Chuck Colson, etc.  Now, they are all gone.  Sure, the shells of their former ministries live on, but as commentator Michael Knowles aptly stated, the Evangelicals now have largely gone "squish."  It seems like in recent decades the mantle of cultural warrior has shifted to faithful Catholics, and we are even getting opposition in our own churches in many cases for it.  There is no doubt that a battle for the soul of the Church is taking place, and it's starting to look like the lines are drawn now.   Will there be a schism in the Church?  That remains to be seen, but as I have said many times, I will always side with orthodoxy and if a split happens, I plan on being with the orthodox side.  I do not know if saying all this would even put my job at a Jesuit high school at risk, but if I have learned one thing it is this - I have to stand for what is right.  If that costs me my job, so be it - I have lost far more in the past several months so I have nothing to lose.  Like Professor Jastrow, I am drawing my line in the sand, and it doesn't mean things will be easy for sure.  But, I also recall what Fr. Grassi said to me - be a beacon of truth.  And that I shall.

I could go on and on about all this today, but I feel this is sufficient for now.  I will hopefully have more lucid insights to share later, so be safe until next time.