More Talk on Spiritual Abuse

 Some time ago, I examined the topic of spiritual abuse and it was perhaps one of my most beneficial articles I have written.  I wanted to draw from a rich reservoir of resources now to expand upon the topic, and perhaps write a book on it myself one day.  

I have already shared my story about being a victim of spiritual abuse myself.  The experience I had took place in a Pentecostal church that was part of a major denomination, and in regard to that it shed light on how some forms of Christianity tend to be more prone to abusive practices than others.  Recently, a Pentecostal minister named Dr. Steven Lambert authored two good books on this very topic, and I have his second book now called Charismatic Control: Witchcraft in Neo-Pentecostal Churches (Jupiter, FL: Real Truth Publications, 1997).   Lambert astutely ties abuse in Pentecostal and Charismatic churches to another phenomenon I have talked about - charismatic witchcraft.  Now, my definition of this is pretty basic, as it essentially means using a spiritual gift in such a way that manipulates and controls, and while that is simplistic, Dr. Lambert adds more to this.  In his earlier book that I will be getting later entitled Charismatic Captivation, he talks about this phenomenon as being a result of widely taught and highly authoritarian practices which originated with a sub-group of Charismatic churches called the Discipleship/Shepherding Movement (Lambert, Charismatic Control, 6).  This is partially true, but in some cases it has deeper roots that go back into the earliest days of the Pentecostal movement, and was partially a holdover from some of its more extreme Fundamentalist and Holiness roots.  I want to give a brief historical overview of the Discipleship/Shepherding Movement to kind of give some context. 

When the Charismatic Renewal movement happened in the late 1960s and early 1970s, people impacted by it tended to go one of three directions.  Some decided to affiliate with older Pentecostal groups, and denominations such as the Assemblies of God and Foursquare Gospel received them enthusiastically.  Others remained in their denominational traditions as Charismatics, and they participated in the various aspects of their church traditions in an enthusiastic way that did breathe some life into Catholic and historical Protestant churches.  Others, however, formed nondenominational churches that embraced charismatic spirituality, and that would lead to loose fellowships like the Word of Faith movement and other Charismatic schools of thought that emphasized a particular idea (prophetic ministry, healing, etc.).  This latter group is what brought the whole Discipleship/Shepherding controversy to light.  Many nondenominational congregations had a spiritual enthusiasm but lacked accountability and oversight, so some leaders in this movement felt the need to "shepherd" these enthusiastic new Charismatics, and they included a group of six noteworthy individuals - Bob Mumford, Charles Simpson, Derek Prince, Don Basham, Ern Baxter, and John Poole.  Forming a group in 1969 called Holy Spirit Teaching Mission, they wanted to establish a system of accountability in these new nondenominational fellowships, and in doing so they opened doors for abuse, so much so that in 1975 Pat Robertson and other Charismatic and Pentecostal leaders began to disavow and distance themselves from this group.  Robertson in particular was the first to identify their extreme practices as "witchcraft," and in doing so he is perhaps credited with identifying what is called "charismatic witchcraft," and despite some other unrelated controversies of his own, Robertson perhaps did the greater Christian community a service by identifying these movements as potential abuse opportunities (Harold D. Hunter, "Shepherding Movement," in Burgess, McGee, and Alexander, Dictionary of Pentecostal and Charismatic Movements {Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1988}: 784).  What was tragic is that this was not limited to nondenominational Charismatic churches either - the Foursquare church in Alabama where I experienced some of this was heavily influenced by this movement, and another version of it arose among non-Pentecostal Fundamentalists as well, the most notorious example being Bill Gothard's Institute in Basic Life Principles.  This began to garner attention in the early 1990s as more awareness of spiritual abuse (as it was now called) became public.  That is the next part of the story.

In 1992, a landmark book was published by Christian sociologist Ronald Enroth entitled Churches that Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992).  At the time this book was published, I had come to the conclusion that the Foursquare church I was attending at the time was not right - the pastor was growing increasingly more authoritarian, and condemning as "demon-possessed" anyone who disagreed with him.  So, when I found out about Enroth's book, I purchased it at a bookstore in Chipley, FL, and it has been one of my most valuable resources in my library since.  It was Enroth's book, as a matter of fact, that helped to put an identifying term on what I was experiencing, and for me that was revolutionary.  Enroth's work served to open doors for others to look into this topic, and since then literally dozens of books have been published.  As far as the term "charismatic witchcraft" though, the first mention of that came from a non-denominational Charismatic minister named Bill Hamon.  Hamon was part of a movement that emphasized the phenomenon of modern-day prophets and apostles, and at the time he had a church in nearby Panama City, FL, called Christian International.  He published a three-volume set of books called Prophets and Personal Prophecy, and although he himself participated in some other questionable things of the Charismatic movement, I believe he had a valid insight on this one.  He identified the misuse of a prophetic gift to control others by the term "charismatic witchcraft," and in putting that together with Enroth's research, it more or less painted a more comprehensive picture of what I had experienced in an abusive Foursquare church with a very controlling and totalitarian pastor. That was liberating for me as well, because I truly realized that I was not alone and that what the pastor was doing was not right.  In time other books began to appear on this topic, and I wanted to mention a couple of important ones now.  

Prior to Enroth's groundbreaking work, another important work was published a year earlier by David Johnson and Jeff van Vonderen entitled The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1991).  While not getting the widespread attention that Enroth's work did a year later, these authors -one being a pastor and the other a Christian counselor - did some groundbreaking work of their own. Their book dealt more with the evolution of an abusive church situation rather than case studies like Enroth's did, and their thesis stated that an abusive church did not happen overnight but rather rested upon a foundation of beliefs and practices which would nurture such an environment.  Chapter 4 in particular deals with this.  The authors identify several factors from which an abusive church situation could evolve, and among those are the following:

1. Learned powerlessness - this involves behavior on the part of the victims that results from not being equipped properly to aid in fostering confidence, as well as leadership setting restrictive boundaries that limit spiritual growth. 

2. Based in shame - reinforcing shame instead of guilt is a tactic of abusive leadership.  This means instilling in a following the idea that they are fundamentally defective and worthless, and thus only "the leader" has the key to telling them "their place." 

2. Performance - the acceptance of behaviors instead of upholding the dignity of personhood.  The follower is told that they are only accepted if they behave in a certain way the leader dictates. 

These three key elements are also supplemented by other things, such as different forms of manipulation, the impossible and hard-to-please "god," and an unhealthy preoccupation with fault or blame as well as filtered reality - the leader of such a group only feeds his followers what he wants them to know, and independent thought is highly discouraged.  If someone attempts to step "outside the box," they are labeled "rebellious," "demon-possessed," and ultimately "an enemy of the church."  This is a form of shunning in which members are also discouraged from talking to "outsiders," especially ex-members, due to the fact it may lead them to ask questions, and a dictator hates being questioned!  I experienced that first-hand as well in the abusive Foursquare church I was part of.   A lady in that church, who had served as music minister for many years, all of a sudden was found to be at odds with the pastor and his wife.  So, she ended up leaving.  Despite this, I was close to this lady and maintained a friendship with her for many years.  However, the pastor found out we visited her one day, and we got a sharp rebuke about talking to "enemies of the church," and it was at that point I began to understand that this pastor was doing something very wrong.  In time, I would suffer the same fate, as eventually I would be called an "enemy of the church" once I finally left.  In other words, basically the pastor viewed anyone who challenged his narrative an "enemy," and he could not risk members of his congregation talking to them because they might uncover things they should not know.  Eventually, that is exactly what happened to me.  But, despite some overcoming of psychological hurts I received, I count getting out of that cultic atmosphere as a true blessing - God heard my prayer and delivered me from that viper pit, in other words. 

Another book that came out some point later was focused on the recovery from spiritual abuse, and it was Barbara M. Orlowski, Spiritual Abuse Recovery (Eugene OR:  Wipf and Stock, 2010).  Orlowski is a Canadian counselor who has risen as an advocate for the abused and although I haven't given her book a detailed read as of yet, I feel it is a valuable resource for counseling those who are coming out of abusive spiritual situations.  She notes that the recovery process entails a number of important steps, including the following (Orlowski, 6):

1. Christians becoming reoriented after a negative experience.

2. Christians having a greater appreciation for the work of God's grace in their lives.

3. The power of forgiving abusive leadership.

4. Being able to articulate the experience clearly without resentment.

5. Being able to reflect positively on what one has learned through the experience.

I really appreciate the way Orlowski breaks this down, as to be honest that is what I am doing here.  The fourth - articulating clearly without resentment - is a therapeutic exercise, and a good means I have found in doing that over the years is through journaling.  I have mentioned before about how journaling helps, and that even blog articles like this are possible because of the practice one gets of writing down their honest thoughts - they are between you and God, and you are not obligated to show them to anyone unless you choose to do so.  I also identify with the second as well - a greater appreciation for the work of God's grace.  What is important here is understanding the role of supernatural grace, and as I have drilled into my 11th graders in their Sacraments and Morality class I teach, supernatural grace does three things:

1. It elevates

2. It heals

3. It perfects

In other words, none of us will receive the fulness of grace at once (only one mortal human being was given that gift, and that was Our Lady), and supernatural grace must be allowed to work within us to bring us to the place God intended us to be.  This is why legalistic and abusive church leaders don't like grace - they don't have the patience for it, and it also reins in their desire to control others.  If we are receptive to God's grace, we grow daily in it, and for Catholics it also means that the Sacraments play a role in nourishing us with that grace as well.  Because part of supernatural grace is healing, it takes time to do so - some wounds are very deep, and they leave ugly scars that stare us in the face every day.  Grace enables us to see past that and toward who God truly called us to be.  Grace is not denying the wounds, but using the wound as a witness to God's healing power through his grace.  As Ronald Enroth states in his second book, Recovering from Churches That Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994), we don't have to let the past rule our future (Enroth, 83):  or to put it another way as Mark Chironna once said, "our present position does not dictate our future potential."  If we let the past - even painful experiences like spiritual abuse - define us, we will limit ourselves.  That is why Orlowski's third point - forgiving abusive leadership - is key as well.  In my own experience, it took a while for me to forgive the pastor who caused me so much trouble, but in time I actually did, and prior to his death I was even talking to him and his wife on social media again.  It doesn't excuse what they did, and in all honesty that is on them, but I don't have to carry that around anymore.  And, that is another thing grace does as well - forgiveness has to be received as well as given, and for the offended person, it is important to develop an attitude of forgiveness, even if one's offender doesn't think they did anything wrong.  In other words, when (and if) they are ready to receive it, we should give forgiveness freely.  At times, that is some of the most painful growth too, as letting go can be tough.  But, as Jesus said, we have someone who can bear those burdens for us, and we don't need to carry them anymore.  So, what grace does is reminds us to pray for the strength to let go, and as the healing process continues, it gets easier with every passing day.  How forgiveness is cultivated largely depends on the extent of the damage and the person who was hurt - some can heal quicker than others, and that's OK too because none of us are exactly the same because God created us as individuals.  The important thing is being yielded - I again quote the famous evangelist Kathryn Kuhlman who said "God doesn't want gold or silver vessels, he wants yielded vessels."  Leaving ourselves in God's hands and trusting in his grace with our faith is what will ultimately heal us. 

That being said, we need to have compassion for the hurting who have been abused also.  Some of them will never step inside a church again unless God really touches them, but we cannot force them either.  Others go the other extreme and may become notoriously evil - Aleister Crowley is a classic example of that.  We don't need to arbitrate who people are based on reactions to painful memories they have - we are just reminded they need our prayers for God's healing in their lives too because they are badly wounded and may not necessarily be evil people.  And, although our own faith may be strong, until theirs is we need to exercise patience and compassion with such people, as what they need is support whether they admit it or not.  In time, some of these individuals may receive that healing, and when they recover they will be a more powerful force to reckon with because God took those hurts and turned them into strengths.  If this describes you right now, there are two things I need to say to you.  First, on behalf of sincere believers in Christ, I offer you my heartfelt apologies for what you have gone through, and in that be assured you are not alone.  Second, please understand that your abuser was the exception and not the norm - not all people of faith act like that, and we are ashamed of the damage individuals like that do.  Know also that God loves you, and he is not your enemy - he as a matter of fact wants to embrace you and let you know he loves you regardless of what some dictator in a pulpit made you feel. I am hoping that if you have been a victim of spiritual abuse, you know you are not alone - many of us have been there too.  We pray for you, and once you let us know who you are we will stand with you.  God's blessings until next time. 

Impending War

 This is one of those "special edition" posts I wanted to do because it is time to address the big elephant in the room - impending war.  As the tensions escalate regarding Israel and Iran, I feel there is a need to interject into the conversation a few ideas, and that is what I am doing this for. 

Let me upfront state that war is not a desire that anyone has unless they are so consumed with their own hatred they don't care.  A war is always a last resort measure, not a cure-all solution.  If things can be settled by peaceful means, then the effort should be taken to ensure that they are.  However, when all other options are exhausted, war may become inevitable.  This is an unfortunate reality, but it is true.  And, there is no real black-and-white to something like this either - a gray area always exists.  So, what do we do about Israel and Iran?  I have a few thoughts. 

Anyone who has followed me for some time knows that I am unashamedly pro-Israel, and always have been.  Israel not only has a right to exist, but there is a place in God's plan that necessitates it.  That being said, I also understand we live in a fallen world, so no one is perfect, and that includes Israel.  Despite my support overall for Israel, there have been some things that bother me over the years.  For one, I am a bit disappointed at Israel in regard to the Armenians - Israel is one of the few nations now that has not recognized the tragic reality that a genocide against Armenians was committed by the Turks in 1915, and even today, Israel's policies create some problems in that regard.  For one, Israel's continued support of Azerbaijan, which is openly conducting hostile operations against areas which are historically part of the Armenian homeland (Artsakh, or Nagorno-Karabagh, as others know it).  Israel supplies arms to these Azeri thugs despite what they are doing, and that is concerning.  For a nation of people like Israel who know what it is like to fight for their homeland, it seems somewhat bizarre that they would back an aggressor against other indigenous peoples of the region.  In all aspects, Israel and the Armenians should be natural allies, and in other parts of the world they actually work together - the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC, for instance has an exhibit that highlights the tragedy of the Armenian Genocide.  So, if in other countries Jews and Armenians can work together and recognize a shared tragedy, why can't they overseas?  A result of this stupid move on Israel's part to back Azerbaijan has actually pushed the Armenians closer to the Palestinian cause, and Israel may have shot itself in the foot because they are sacrificing a group of people who could be potential allies.  So, how does this relate to Israel's current situation with Iran?  

There is no doubt that Iran's ruling class are some of the most evil and despicable people ever to walk the planet.  The ayatollahs who have locked Iran in an ideological prison for almost 50 years are demonic in all honesty, and the nasty stuff they do is beyond reprehensible.  The ayatollahs are in reality a dark blemish on what is a great civilization - Iran, the home of the Persian people, has a rich history and has been pivotal in shaping Western civilization for millenia now.  Yet, the radical, perverted ayatollahs have almost driven the country into the ground with their repressive regime.  Oddly, when Iran had the Shah as its ruler, they were actually close allies of Israel - the late Shah was very friendly to Israel then and also was a benefit to his own people.  When you listen to the "mainstream" media on this (and they are often terrorist sympathizers themselves), to them the late Shah was this iron-fisted autocrat who oppressed his people, and at one time they tried to compare the demonic Ayatollah Khomeini who overthrew the Shah as a new Gandhi or something. Yet, it was Khomeini who caused his own nation to regress over centuries of progress, and it was Khomeini who was a violator of basic human rights to his own people.  I remember the day the Ayatollah took over - I was 9 years old at the time, and to celebrate his seizure of power, the Ayatollah took a number of Americans hostage as our week and spineless President at the time (Carter) let him get away with it.  However at the time Reagan was elected, those hostages were released.  Then, to cause more problems, Iran picked a fight with Saddam Hussein, an equally despotic tyrant but at least sort of a secularist, and a nasty war ensued for many years between them.  The US, of course, backed Saddam Hussein in that war, and in time we would regret that too as Saddam would be complicit to a degree in the 9/11 tragedy as well as invading a peaceful neighbor (Kuwait), which would lead to his ousting by the US and its allies.  The Ayatollah in Iran not Khomeini, who died years ago, but his regime in this case  - has outlived several other tyrants in the region - Saddam, the Assad family in Syria, Kaddafi, etc. Many of those individuals were the Ayatollah's rivals except the Assads, and although they were as ruthless as the Ayatollah's regime, they represented a different branch of Islam although many dictators in the region were nominally Muslim and had their own scuffles with Sunni radicals like Al Qaeda.   In time too, the Communists would lose power in the old USSR, and in a boneheaded show of bad politics, we would prop up a regime in neighboring Afghanistan - the Taliban - which was as bad if not worse than the Shias in Iran, and the foibles of our own State Department in that region created a huge mess we are still seeing fruit of today.  I often question the collective wisdom of bureaucrats in our own government with this as well, as we do some boneheaded things in that region that we should not be even involved in.  For some reason for instance, Carter was instrumental in the overthrow of a perfectly stable monarchy in Iran - the Shah - and allowed Khomeini to get control and then turn on us.  So, to counter Khomeini, we propped up Saddam in Iraq, and we later regretted that too.  Same in Afghanistan - we funded the radicals like the Taliban against the Soviets, and once they were in charge, they aided and abetted terrorists like Osama bin Laden to attack us.  In other words, much like our British predecessors who did similar boneheaded diplomatic moves, we failed in many aspects and many suffered as a result of our bumbling in that region.  And that leads to what is happening there now. 

The hostilities between Israel and Iran go back to the 1979 Revolution in Iran, when the Ayatollah basically declared war in the West and began to provide backing to Palestinian terrorist groups like Hezbollah.  In the interim, especially during the conflict between the Ayatollah and Saddam back in the 1980s and 1990s, Iran was beginning to play around with nuclear energy.  Oddly, as quasi-Luddite as the Ayatollah was about modern civilization, he had no problem messing around with WMDs.  So, over the past few decades, Iran has been experimenting with ways to arm itself with nuclear warheads, and they vowed to obliterate Israel from the map.  To the Israelis' credit they have understood the gravity of the situation, and have been trying to keep Iran in check through covert means, but in the past couple of weeks Israel has "poked the bear" and actually attacked Iran, and many question the wisdom of that move. While it could be seen - as the Israelis understandably see it - as a strategic move to prevent a bigger threat, it has sparked debate over whether this was a good idea or not.  In the US, it has almost split Republicans, as the hawkish group (mostly Establishment hacks) want war, but several conservatives say it is dangerous to provoke Iran because she has powerful friends (Russia and China).  To President Trump's credit, he is staying rather nuanced about the whole thing, and he has more or less taking a "wait and see" approach while also making sure we are ready if it is deemed necessary.  For that, he has caught a lot of flak from both sides, but personally his approach is probably ultimately a wise decision.  So, how do we break this down?

Israel has had some success in crippling Iran, and thankfully has not pulled the US into the struggle.  However, the bad news is that Iran is still nuclear-potential, and has a remote facility that can only be breached with a certain type of nuke we have but Israel doesn't.  In my opinion, Israel has done what it needs to do for now, and it has also fostered some anti-Ayatollah sentiments among the Iranian people.  If you want this to play out well, let the Iranians settle this themselves internally now, and let the opposition overthrow the evil Ayatollah and install a new government that could de-escalate things.  The Crown Prince, the surviving son of the late Shah, is eager to step in if there is regime change, and to be honest I would love to see the Shah's throne regained again.  Iran under a Shah would be more stable for sure, and perhaps it would lead the way to lasting peace in the region - or, at least as much peace as possible.  Israel for its part has done what it set out to do, so instead of launching more offensives at Iran, let things take their course now.  And, the US and other powers would do well to just stand back and see how it plays out before committing to anything.  A little common sense can go a long way in diffusing a possible global conflict.  But, do we listen?  That remains to be seen as American diplomacy in recent decades has often done more harm than good, and we have a group of career politicians who are bureaucratic boneheads in charge of things they probably have no business being in charge of.  But, that is the price of not completely "draining the swamp" in the Beltway, and as long as we have boneheaded self-serving politicians, even the best President will be limited by their control.  

More could be said on this, but these are just some casual observations.  I plan on keeping my own close eye on things there, and as things unfold I will comment more later.  Thanks again for allowing me to share. 

Keeping Records

 It is now Summer, and my first academic year as a full-time teacher is over.  In a lot of ways, I am extremely relieved because it was exhausting at times, but I will miss some of my students.  They have progressed onto their senior year now though, so I more than likely will be seeing them around next year though.  Also, with the prospect of new curriculum and other things, I am thinking next year will be smoother than this past year was, and therefore there may be much to look forward to.  However, I don't want to talk about work now - this is Summer break, so I need to decompress and relax, catching up on some things I need to catch up on. Let's start that now. 

Thinking more about Dr. Whitehead's box lesson I shared earlier, I have been inspired to pick up where I left off in my journal.  I have been journaling for about 29 years now, and the thing about that is that there are times when one's thoughts are really lucid and I can write 20 pages in a short time, and then there are long periods when I don't write at all.  I wrote my first journal entry in several months just a couple of days ago, and thinking about that, I wanted to talk some about what my plans are.

Since the mid-1990s, I have had two things simultaneously going at once.  The first is a regular journal.  In a bin just to my right here at my desk in my room, there are about 35 volumes of that journal.  Some are large beautifully-bound books, others are small spiral-bound notebooks.  But all contain most of my thoughts for the past 30 or so years.  A journal is a good outlet to talk about those things that often we cannot articulate to others or even do so in our thoughts, as if you are like me often your mind is racing so fast that 50,000 things are going through it at once and it is a little hard to sort out.  One other thing I have done over the years which is related to this is what is called self-directed speech - that means I talk to myself.  In the past, a person doing that would have been thought as being one drumstick short of a chicken bucket, but other studies of it suggest that there are benefits to talking to yourself, and I guess that sort of makes me a pioneer.  My journals are more or less my written editions of those vocalized thoughts over the years, but in that regard I have some regrets.  One of those is that I really should have started journaling sooner - had I taken it up when I was either in my teens or even as young as sixth grade, I think I would have had a more comprehensive record of things.  However two things preclude that.  I already have a huge number of volumes to carry around whenever I have to move somewhere new, and could you imagine the number those would be if I had started earlier!  Second, in my younger years I had an issue with being consistent - I would start something and then it would fall by the wayside.  Over the years I have improved in that regard, but a lot was wasted by inconsistency and procrastination that maybe would have made a huge difference.  Therefore, what I have tried to do is to integrate things I think about from the past into my journal entries now, and that seems to also help me have more clarity.  But, if I were to give advice to younger generations, I would still encourage them to start journaling earlier, because one thing a personal journal does is it gives a rich reservoir of material for other things later, and it does help one improve written communication.  It also serves as a historical record too, as in those journals you can preserve family stories as they come to mind and other things.  In essence, the journal becomes a tangible expression of your own thoughts, and it can be very rich in what it will eventually contain.  To that regard, I also recommend using it to write down dreams you have and other things, as I can attest to the fact that dreams are significant - not everything you dream at night is a result of too much pepperoni on that last slice of pizza you ate before bed, because your dreams can be windows to your own inner self as well as also divine messages - God has used dreams since the creation of mankind to communicate with us, and if a symbol or something else sticks out in a dream, it is a sure sign to pay attention because it might be telling you something.  Any rate, in some cases the journals can lead to other more ambitious projects, and I want to talk about the second thing now. 

I have always wanted to write down my own life story, as I feel that it needs to be preserved.  So, since about the mid-1990s, I have been doing just that.  The original impetus for this evolved from journaling back in 1996, when in a discussion with Mom at the house one day in Lakeland, FL, we were talking about our old dog Jill.  For some reason, that conversation with Mom encouraged me to start writing my journal, and only a few weeks prior I had been doing so.  After that conversation, I decided it was time to maybe tell my own story and for about two or three years I essentially wrote the first draft of it in my first journal entries.  Around 2006 or so however, I decided that the life story project deserved its own volume, so I began extracting what I had written in my journals and started to put them into other books, and that project is still ongoing.  At this point, my entire story - beginning with just before my birth until the end of last year - comprises about seven volumes of handwritten script.  I add a new section now at the end of every year to update it, and just finished last week updating 2024 and all that went on then.  So, what are the ultimate objectives and finished product of all this?  That is where we are going now. 

The life story project is something I want to continue until about my 60th birthday, at which point I will start to typeset all that into a manuscript and plan on getting it bound.  That means about 5 more years of working on it.  Now that my education is finished (with the exception of a short certification program I am going to start next week) I can begin to plan for a more summative agenda of my work, and as I do so I am constantly keeping track of and updating information.  Although my written volumes are a skeleton, the finished product will have a lot more information as it will be notated, and I also want to contain it all in two volumes.  The first volume will be a comprehensive family history going back to as far as I can go with it, and it will take substantive more work as a lot of annotation will be needed.  I have a shelf full now of family history volumes, county and state histories, and other resources which will aid in that aspect of the project.  The second volume is my personal story, which may even encompass two volumes once I add in the annotations and other material I want to add.  Provided my health stays good and I am able to do so, I want to have those bound and printed by the time I am 70, and in the last volume I will do a brief update of myself up until that time.  As the last surviving member of my direct family line, I take this as a very important responsibility because it is my own history, as well as being something that other family researchers can use as a tool.  I am quite sure it will have its share of differing opinions once it is read, and that is OK - to the critics, I say this; if you don't like my interpretation of events, then write your own, OK?  Critics are a dime a dozen, and the problem with critics as far a genealogy and life stories are concerned is that they think their own version of events is infallible, and God forbid someone present a different perspective.  What they fail to recognize though is that perspective plays a role, and in all honesty there are things in other family histories I differ with too, but I still value their work and I just use the information they have provided to tell my own story.  The underlying facts that an event happened will always be indisputable, but the interpretation of those facts are what makes the story unique.  In all honesty, two different interpretations of the event are not necessarily wrong either - it just means the event is seen from different perspectives.  The event is the same, but the experience may show it at different angles.  As long as people understand that, then it makes the research even more exciting.  My perspective on my own story and my findings on my family history is simply that - it is mine.  If you have something different, then you are welcome to write your own.  And, I would be excited to read yours too, and although I may not agree with some of your observations necessarily, I still appreciate the lens through which you viewed the same event.  

Another thing that evolved out of my journaling is blogging.  For about 15 years now, I have had a pretty consistent blogging project.  At one time, I maintained three blogs as those who have read my material know, but at this juncture I am exploring ways to consolidate everything into one site so it is easier to manage.  One important aspect of blogging that I have taken advantage of is the ability to publish your own posts in bound volumes.  I try to create a "blog book" every year in all honesty, and so far I have managed to compile every blog post into roughly 12 volumes at present.  That way, there is a further preservation of a written record of one's work in case a blog site goes down or something else happens.  Like my journaling and other projects though, I plan on only keeping regular blogs until my 60th birthday, at which time I will close out these pages and maybe create a website that contains all my work for future reference to anyone who enjoys reading these random ramblings I post.  I am exploring that option now, and want to briefly talk about that.

I will reach my 60th birthday in 4 1/2 years - November 2029.  In 2030 at some point, I am going to create a website for all my blog posts that will be more professional-looking and will be easily searchable and handy for someone to peruse.  I also plan on something else with that site - I am going to make the volumes of my past blogs available for sale, and plan on having a store where they could be purchased.  At that point, I am going beyond blogging to something different.  Some other books will be joining that inventory as well - I am going to publish books of Bible study guides, a cookbook, and a few other items based on the material in the blogs so that I can have a more concise way of sharing particular information with others.  The one reason I am wanting to end blogging, journaling, etc., in 2029 is because I want to focus on editing and enhancing previous material into separate books.  The Genesis study will be one of those, as there is a lot to put into that yet.  If you recall from my SPT blog, the Genesis study was a 37-part series I had originally used to teach an adult Bible study at an Anglican parish I attended some years back.  Since doing that study, a LOT more research material has come available, and I want to redo those in their own book so they can be a resource for teaching others.  It is a unique study on Genesis in that it is coming from the perspective of a Catholic Christian who also believes in both Biblical Creation (as a theological position) and Intelligent Design (from a more scientific perspective).  In this regard, that study will be packed with a lot of rich material that will enlighten others.   I also plan on doing my own book on spiritual abuse too - I am a survivor of that from a cult-like Pentecostal church in Alabama, and I feel many people could benefit from a resource like that too.  I am currently in research with that and will be doing a series of articles here soon on it once I get all my information organized.  And, I want to talk about that particular interest now.

Spiritual abuse is a silent malady that happens in so many places, and it is serious in that it imperils the spiritual lives of many vulnerable people.  After my experience just over 30 years ago under a very abusive pastor in a Pentecostal church, I began reading up on this as a thing, which to my relief I found out that it was.  Obviously, the first place to start would be Ronald Enroth's work - his book Churches That Abuse which was published in 1991 is a life-changing resource for me, and I still find it very valuable today.  Since Enroth's pioneering work, other books on the topic began emerging - Enroth himself wrote a second volume entitled Recovering from Churches that Abuse, and a few other ones include The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, which was published in 2005.   Others I have come across include In the House of Friends by Kenneth Garrett (published in 2020) and Spiritual Abuse Recovery by Barbara Orlowski (published in 2010), and there are others as well. The problem with spiritual abuse is that it empowers enemies of Christianity to justify their attacks on it, and it also blurs the line between orthodox theology and cultic practices, which in itself causes a crapload of confusion.  However, it is possible to still remain a sound Christian yet expose abuse in churches, and that is what I hope to do.  If Fundamentalists, Pentecostals, and even some traditional Catholics would understand how to stay faithful without setting unnecessary boundaries on their fellow Christians, spiritual abuse would be curbed in many circumstances.  I already have published a book of my own that contains some of my experience called Staying the Course in the Storm, but it deals with many other things besides spiritual abuse.  It contains perspectives on life I have noticed, as well as how I have dealt with and come to terms with different situations.  When I eventually get my new website up and running, I will make this available for sale too, but if you want one sooner, please feel free to write and I will hook you up with the way to obtain one. 

I have rambled about a lot of things today, as a lot was on my mind, but it felt refreshing to do so as I tend to have more clarity myself after doing so.  Thanks again for allowing me to pontificate, and will see you next time!

The Special Box

 I wanted to do a separate reflection today about something of interest over the past week.  When I was at the commencement ceremonies last week for our seniors at Cristo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore, I was intrigued by something the commencement speaker talked about, as it was actually quite an interesting concept.  That required some more reflection, as it led me to share something today. 

Dr. Karsonya Wise Whitehead is a Professor of African-American Studies at Loyola University here in Baltimore, and she also hosts a weekly show on a local radio station.  In all honesty, she seems a little left-of-center on the political spectrum so there is probably much I would definitely fundamentally disagree with her on.  But, as I get older, you learn that sometimes in the stinkiest of garbage dumps there are treasures to be found, and in her commencement speech last Saturday Dr. Whitehead had one of those treasures.  Let me kind of summarize what she talked about first before giving my own perspective. 

As part of her speech, Dr. Whitehead passed around a small wooden box to the graduating seniors.  The way she explained it was that her father had given her that on her first day of college some years ago, and he explained to her that in it was the prayers, tears, encouragement, wisdom, and so many other things passed through the generations - the "wisdom of the ancestors," so to speak.  The little box of course had nothing tangible in it, but that was the point - Dr. Whitehead was trying to tell the students that the most valued treasure they have cannot be seen because it is the wisdom their families imparted to them, and in all honesty, it was perhaps one of the most powerful and brilliant illustrations I have ever gotten the opportunity to hear about.  Sitting on the platform in my full doctoral regalia with my fellow faculty, my mind was racing as I processed what Dr. Whitehead was saying, and then my wheels started to turn in my mind a bit - I was thinking "this is good stuff!  I can make use of this."  So, I wanted to do a test run with it here to see where it goes.

Every person has a "story," and as I talked about before based on what another professor, Dr. Kenneth Archer, talked about in his book, that story is composed of a series of what are called CNCs, or Central Narrative Convictions.  The "story" that results is both communal (comprised of universals shared with others in a specific group) as well as individual (or incommunicables, those things unique to one's personal experience).  That means the story can be good, or it can be bad - an example of a bad "story" is the topic of my dissertation about the ideological origins of National Socialism.  The central narrative convictions that arise from personal experience can impact a person positively or negatively, and therefore the resulting "story" will reflect that impact.  I am not going to focus as much on the negative impacts, but rather how positive impact can create the story.  Those collective experiences therefore are exactly what Dr. Whitehead is trying to get across with the analogy of the box, and that is the direction I want to take her insights.

Within every one of our minds and souls is that same "box" - it is intangible, but it is still part of us.  We are given things to put into it - advice, wisdom from our elders, and lessons learned through experience. Our parents, grandparents, and others also add other things to that - their prayers, their hopes and dreams for us, and their encouragement.  How those things are collected in that allegorical "box" and then utilized are what will shape us, and that is the message I believe Dr. Whitehead was trying to get across to the graduating seniors, and it is a valuable lesson in itself.  Therefore, one can think of it either as a "box" like Dr. Whitehead does, or as a "book" as I often picture the same concept - both are valid and mean the same exact thing.  It is also a lesson that Tolkien included in his classic Lord of the Rings, as you recall that the pivotal character of The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, was writing his experiences into a book - he then passed that at the end of LOTR to his grand-nephew Frodo, and Frodo in turn would later pass it to his friend Samwise Gangee.  I am thinking that Tolkien was alluding to the same concept, and it is something we all should aspire to.  Let me elaborate further.

We as humans are hot-wired to tangible concepts, and even something intangible is best understood in tangible terms, hence Dr. Whitehead's box.  We can attempt to turn the intangible to tangible - we can write down things in journals, compile our own life stories (as I am doing), and find other ways to express tangibly our inner thoughts.  However, here is the problem - some things are not as easy to express in writing as we understand them in our heads, and therefore even the best and most unabridged stories will always miss some detail that will go to the grave with the person who possesses that whole "story."  Over the years, there have been other creative ways individuals have tried to express this same thing - the arts and literature are the results of those efforts.  As classic and enduring as art, music, and literature are though, they often cannot express that inner self of the artist the way they want to do so, and it can be frustrating for a creative type.  Again, we return to the idea of Dr. Whitehead's box, as this is where it fits perfectly into the equation.  The box represents those inexpressible sentiments and thoughts which exist in all of us, and the box is a reminder that there is more to each of us than meets the eye.  And, to drive her point home, there are many contributing factors to that inner dialogue - we are shaped by the wisdom, encouragement, and guidance of others, and Dr. Whitehead's box represents that too.  Dr. Whitehead's box then represents the things about us that are inexplicable, and that is where we put them.  We all have that "box" inside our souls - it was God's gift to us at our creation.  Although we cannot totally comprehend or express those things, they shape us in ways we don't realize, and that is why they are to be preserved and cherished.  I may write Dr. Whitehead and encourage her to write a book on this, as in all honesty she may be able to enhance my own thesis and I would be eager to read that.  

To use another pop culture reference, we all have a little bit of Forrest Gump in us when it comes to this - we have the experience a lot of times, but we don't fully comprehend either the experience itself or the potential impact it has.  We as teachers in particular are not fully aware of how we impact those we teach, but I guarantee someone is being impacted by us sometime and somewhere.  If we are fortunate, we may hear about it years later from that same student.  Perhaps the student in question was one of our "problem children," but something we did reached them.  I have had that happen with some of my least-favorite teachers when I was in high school too.  To share that example, let me talk about a lady named Dorothy Schwer.  She was my high school math teacher, and to be honest she drove me crazy when I was in class with her.  She was extremely strict - even the type of paper you submitted assignments with was strictly regulated.  As a high school senior when I took algebra with her, I honestly considered her to be the most difficult and most unreasonable teacher ever.  But, what I failed to realize then was that she had a very influential impact on my own math skills, and I actually ended up being better at math because of her.  So, Ms. Schwer was tough, and she seemed grumpy, but in all honesty, she ended up being one of my best teachers.  Turns out she had to be tough to teach us, and her methods were effective if outwardly strict.  She was an educator in the true sense, and she was devoted to her vocation although it didn't win her popularity contests with us as students.  Interesting enough, I am actually still close with her today - she has long since retired and is enjoying a good life, and she deserves to because she earned that.  The lesson here is what we may temporarily view as a negative impact may actually be quite positive, and those things are in that "box" too. 

There is much more that could be said about Dr. Whitehead's box illustration, but the bottom line is this - that "story" is inside of us, and whether we acknowledge it or not, a lot of things contribute to it.  We may never know the contributions and sacrifices made by others to help us be a success, but on a subconscious level it makes an impact on us.  That is what the box represents ultimately - those things we don't consciously understand but which contribute important material to our success as human beings in whatever capacity we end up - that includes everything from the gas station attendant to the nuclear physicist.  And, that is a valuable insight worth sharing.

Thanks for allowing me to share again this week, and will see you next time. 

Summer and Rest

 As I am writing this, our school year has officially ended.  Finals have been given, and all that is left is a few administrative things to wrap up over the next day before I can officially enjoy my summer rest.  There are things that have been on my mind recently and I wanted to just pontificate a bit today if I could. 

After our sudden and tumultuous move from Hagerstown back in October, it has been a major objective to restore life back to as normal as possible, and there have been times that has been challenging.  But, amid the challenges, I have some new perspective on a few things.  It is some of that I wanted to talk about today, as it is more or less a rebuilding of my own life.

Over the past several years, some challenges have led me to end up in a bit of small debt, and thankfully very recently I am starting to get those loose ends tied up for good.  Living in a smaller place with less expenses is a good time to focus on that, and thankfully some of my creditors have provided some good settlements and I am slowly conquering everything in that regard.  Making a much better salary also helps, as I have the means to make some things happen.  By September, as a matter of fact, I plan on being pretty much on-track with everything, and that will be a huge boost. 

Another aspect of my re-establishment is my music collection.  As you know if you have followed this blog for a long time, I had a huge music collection of a lot of vintage recordings from classic dance bands, and in our move from Hagerstown a large portion of that was unfortunately lost.  I have been on a rebuilding effort of my collection, and thankfully I had a large number of my more collectible LPs salvaged and they are safely housed on a large shelf directly behind me in my room here.  I also am starting to get a recovered CD collection, and while I am not anticipating it to be very large this time like my previous one was, it is getting off to a good start.  I have slightly over 100 CDs again, most consolidated in two or three collections I was able to get, including the Time-Life big bands collection as well as the whole "Your Hit Parade" set, which has recordings dating from 1940 into the early 1960s and contains practically every important recording ever made during that timeframe.  I also did manage to recover some of my rarer vintage items, such as collections by pioneer orchestras such as Harold Yerkes, Joseph C Smith, the Six Brown Brothers, early Carl Fenton, James Reese Europe, Art Hickman, Ford Dabney, Wilbur Sweatman, very early Guy Lombardo and Fred Waring collections, Isham Jones, the Benson Orchestra of Chicago, W.C. Handy's Band, and others.  My next bigger acquisition will be a collection issued by Archeophone Records called the "Phonographic Yearbooks," which is a set of about 3 dozen CDs that feature major recordings made between the 1890s and 1923, with each volume focusing on one year in that span.  If I get those, the Time-Life "Your Hit Parade Collection" and the "Phonographic Yearbooks" together will constitute a chronological set of musical recordings that encompass several years - the only thing missing would be a set from the late 1920s and early 1930s, which I am wagering does not exist yet.  Additionally, the advent of the small flash drive has also made possible the acquisition of a ton of other stuff - including a lot of rare and obscure material - that almost replaces every recording I lost.  Like everything else in life, many things are merely material, and therefore they can be replaced.  However, the challenge in doing so can be an overwhelming task, but I know recovery is possible.  

Another aspect of the past few months has been Barbara.  As many know by now, although Barbara and I are divorced, we are still very close and are like a brother and sister.  We still look out for each other, and we now are even back under the same roof together.  In a way, this is probably a huge blessing especially for Barbara, who has been facing some serious health challenges.  Beginning in January, she has had issues with both her diabetes and her blood pressure, and three weeks ago she was hospitalized with a slight stroke.  She is very apprehensive now, because she also had lost her job and due to her health her driver's license is now threatened.  I really believe somehow this will all work out for her, but she does need a lot of prayers.  The events of the past few years have taken a huge toll on both of us, and there is recovery still needed.  But, so far, God has been in everything, and I see no need to doubt him now either.  

Now to talk about Cristo Rey.  I am not overly sure what to think about my experience there.  On one hand, it is the most money I have ever made, and I am thankful for that.  Also, it is my actual career choice, as I am teaching school full-time and have just completed my first academic year.  However, it can be stressful too - I am up against many challenges there, including some conflicting political sentiments, issues with some of the students (many of them are minority students, and some of them are a huge headache at times), and the fact the interim principal has been a bit of an issue.  The interim principal is a nice enough guy - as a matter of fact, you would not want to meet a better human being I don't believe.  However, as an administrator he can be a bit - and how should I say this kindly? - confusing.  He is obsessed with meetings, and also one of those individuals who has to overcomplicate things when there is no necessity for doing so (like myself, he is a Ph.D. too, so that may have something to do with it).  To be honest, working with him has been a significant percentage of the stress I have dealt with during the school year this year, and other teachers feel somewhat the same way about him.  Given I was sort of tossed into this mid-semester when I started, and I didn't have an established curriculum to work with, it was rough.  But, somehow I managed to get through even if I was flying by the seat of my pants.  Thankfully, next year a new principal is coming in, and given we also have a fantastic new department chair who got us standardized curriculum plans, I think a better year may be possible next year at the school.  However, I am also extremely grateful I get the summer to heal up from the past 8 months, because I really need it.  So, what are the plans for my summer?  I suppose a little preview is warranted here now.

One of the first things I want to do this summer is a little self-improvement.  I am planning on getting some dental care, tying up some proverbial loose ends with my finances, and I am also planning on my first overseas trip if all goes well - my destination is the Philippines, and I have a special reason I will share at some point for going there.  I also have a couple of other new things I wanted to give more detail on, so here those are now.

I mentioned about getting some more professional education to help with my teaching vocation, and a door opened up recently.  My alma mater, Liberty University, is offering a 21-credit certificate program in Curriculum and Instruction, and I am already registered to start that June 23.  That also means a little more funds in my hands as well, and that will be a tremendous help also.  It may prepare me for a possible assistant principal opportunity later.  I really didn't want to be doing more coursework, but in this case it will look good on a resume having it, so I am taking the opportunity while I can do so.  I will share more about that journey as I progress. 

The other thing that is significant is that my credit is going to be at a place soon where I can actually think about a new place of my own, and this time I am looking into buying my own house.  While living in this rowhouse in the heart of East Baltimore is a home for now, it is not what I would consider a "forever home."  I knew from the day I moved in that it would not be someplace I would be staying a long time, but it also was a good opportunity to recover a bit and regroup myself, and that is how I am viewing it.  The landlord is nice enough - one of the best I have ever had honestly - but there are other issues.  The house here for instance needs some serious work - there is a dangerously weak floor in the kitchen, and the wiring in the place is not the greatest either.  Also, there are bad neighbors - a group of people live on one side who are essentially halfway house residents, and they are a bit to handle at times.  One is a guy who I honestly thought was a lesbian when I first saw him, and there are cops there all the time and just a lot of activity that concerns us.  A couple of doors down in the other direction is a nosy old Black lady who fits the description of a "Karen" - she is constantly in our business, and she is always sending stupid emails to our landlord complaining about garbage, feeding local birds, etc.  I have a seriously low tolerance for any "Karens," and to be honest a "Karen" deserves to be destroyed. If this woman - her name is Mary - continues, she is going to get confronted about her meddling and told where to go.  I have enough things to deal with and honestly don't need a stupid "Karen" nitpicking us.  Also, a "Karen" can be potentially dangerous, especially if she is in some sort of leadership capacity.  I have been watching these videos about "HOA Karens" on YouTube recently, and some of those stories are frightening - there are stories of these "Karens" poisoning medications, burning down structures, and even endangering children all in the name of "maintaining property values and aesthetics."  I don't think our Mary "Karen" is that dangerous, but the fact these people exist does make one pause with concern.  And, that leads me to a bit of a rant.

Many people know about HOAs (homeowner associations) and the types of issues they pose.  The original purpose of an HOA was to represent residents in the communities that implemented them, but oftentimes HOAs get off on power trips and start doing some bizarre and downright invasive things to people who just want to live in peace on properties they rightfully own.  If you own a house, NO ONE has a right to tell you what to do or how to live in it - your hard-earned work and money went into getting that home, so you should be able to enjoy it how you choose.  Obviously, if you are planning a terrorist attack or trafficking illegal drugs, that would be a whole other issue, but most homeowners don't do that and are law-abiding citizens.  The HOA however tries to tell them how high their grass has to be, what color they should paint their own mailbox, etc. - it is frankly ridiculous.  If an HOA was what it is supposed to be, then its job should be to advocate for the residents, not to control them.  And, as the YouTube videos I have been watching demonstrate, the HOA is a breeding-ground for shrill, obnoxious control freaks called "Karens," and this is a potential risk.  "Karens" who want to stick their noses into other people's business and act like they are overlords have no place in an organization of any sort, whether it is a corporate environment or even a church committee.  Individuals like this have psychological or emotional issues and cannot exercise their responsibilities in a respectful way.  Luckily, in recent years with the rise in awareness of HOA abuse, governments have enacted regulations which constrict the authority and potential overreach of such bodies, and that is a good thing.  Also, the videos which bring this stuff to light are also catalytic in reining in authoritarian and abusive leadership so that the rights of all are respected.  While I still question the existence of formal HOAs, I think more informal resident associations would be more constructive and also would be able to preserve the common good without crossing lines they should not cross.  I will more than likely have more to say on that later, but you get the idea of where I stand. 

So, here is a summary - I am ending an academic year with my first teaching position, am anticipating a long relaxing summer break to rejuvenate myself, and I am in the process of getting my life re-established in a way that I can feel like myself again.  On the latter, there has been significant progress, and soon maybe even a home I can rightly call my own for good.  We all go through seasons in life where old chapters can abruptly close and we find ourselves thrust into a new chapter in life, but it's all for a reason.  Challenges are not necessarily bad either, as they are often a means by which God gets our attention - he uses those challenges we face to call us closer to him, a lesson I have mastered over the past year.  Life will never be completely perfect, but God created the human spirit to be resilient, and if we rise to the challenge the rewards are worth it.  I have been re-watching one of my favorite shows recently, Swamp People. This program - a huge hit on the History Channel - focuses on a 30-day timeframe in the region of south Louisiana where a number of Cajun, Creole, Indian, Black, and other hunters harvest alligators for a living.  Watching that, you see the challenges these very remarkable people face - they deal with weather, interference in their hunting domains, and tight timeframes to complete a season.  Each hunter invests in a number of tags, and as they catch a gator, they tag it before taking it to their buyers.  These tags are costly - if the hunter doesn't tag out, there are penalties for it, and many of these guys make their sole yearly incomes from this.  That naturally creates stress and tension, but when you see these guys succeed, you find yourself cheering them on because they are doing something many of us would not have the stamina to do.  I had the privilege 10 years ago of meeting one of these individuals, Troy Landry, when he was at the Strawberry Festival in Plant City, FL.  Troy is perhaps the most loved and most popular hunter on the series, and he has a personality that instantly draws people to him.  When I got the privilege to meet him and actually shake his hand, what struck me was how tough and calloused his hand was - that dude wears his experience!  You have to marvel at that, because it is the merit badge of a hard-working individual who takes his responsibilities seriously.  There is definitely a spiritual lesson in Swamp People that can be gleaned, and one day I may tackle that.  I say that to say this - those gator hunters on Swamp People share much in common with us teachers - we both face limited deadlines, challenging product (the students I deal with can be as onery as some of those gators, believe me!), but when you start to reach that finish line, it is all worth it.  As my own year comes to a close, I think it is no accident that I am re-watching the entire series, as I am starting to see myself in a similar way as Troy does - hard work, but with its own rewards.  

Thank you for allowing me to share, and as I sign off because I have to make a trip with Barbara to take care of some business, I am looking forward to seeing you again next time.  

Close Calls and Wrapping Up a School Year

 This past few days have been somewhat a roller coaster in a figurative sense.  There is a bit to cover so I will begin by just chronicling what happened.

To begin, some good news.  I have had a bit of an empty space in my heart since losing Lily at Christmas, and my goal was to find another Tortie cat like her.  I have been on the search for one over several months, and many of these possibilities were dead ends.  However, about two weeks ago I began expanding the search to look in Washington County, our old area, and the Humane Society there.  Turns out they had a 1-year-old Tortie named Electra who would have been perfect.  So, last Thursday Barbara had some business in Hagerstown anyway so we decided to stop by the Humane Society and check it out.  Electra was there, and she was really a cute little girl, but there were a couple of issues.  She was recovering from a surgery, but also she tended to be a little more temperamental and territorial than I wanted - with Mickey and Tippy at home, it would have created problems.  However, in the next cage there was an adorable little tabby mix named Rocky who captured our hearts almost instantly.  After some deliberation, I decided he would be the one we would choose, and I set it up with the desk lady.  A couple of days later, we got the call that he was neutered, microchipped, and ready to go, and on Saturday we went and got him.  It turns out he was the perfect cat for us - he was young (1 year) and he was also little, and he had the most outgoing and affectionate personality.   So, we got him home, and he is now very well-adjusted and is doing wonderfully.  And, the more I am with him, the more I love the little guy - he is the cutest and sweetest little animal anyone could imagine.  So, I anticipate a long and happy life with him. 

However, this bit of brightness was not without issue.   Barbara for some time has been having some serious health issues - her blood pressure and her sugar levels have been through the ceiling. She became a serious risk on Thursday after a visit to her doctor in Hagerstown, and they gave her a potent blood pressure medication called clonodine.  Unlike the relatively mild Lisinopryl I take, clonodine is extremely potent and can make a person drowsy.  The idiots at the clinic in Hagerstown where she went gave her a whopping three times her regular dose, and it was a scary ride home as I had to work overtime to keep her alert.  I had a brief experience with clonodine myself a few years back when I had an elevated blood pressure level and did not have my Lisinopryl at the time.  Barbara gave me one of those clonodine tablets before I went to sleep, and my goodness, that thing knocked me out!  My heart rate I recall dropped dramatically after taking it, and in all honesty Barbara was scared for me.  While in general my bp is good, I am hoping not to go on something like that in the future, because it is a dangerous drug.  Then, last night, Barbara decided she needed to go to a Walmart to get her diabetic supplies (test strips and lancets), but the problem is that in Baltimore you have to travel a considerable distance to find a Walmart.  We ended up going all the way out to White Marsh,  which is east of the city, and that drive was scary as well.  I was never so glad to get home than I was last night, as that ride was scary.  Barbara had elevated blood pressure and sugar levels, and she was dizzy, disoriented, and really in no condition to drive anywhere.  By the miraculous grace of God we managed to get home, but I told her that until a doctor stabilized her, she is better off not driving those distances for the time being, as it could be dangerous.  She thankfully agreed, and for now is confining her driving to just local destinations within a few miles of the house.  This morning she was doing somewhat better, but she still has some work to go.  And, she also had to spend Sunday night in the hospital because she appeared to be having either a TIA or stroke episode - she called me from the ER and her speech was very slurred and she was not doing well at all.  Yesterday, a home health care professional paid her a visit and checked her out, and she also now has her full complement of medications now.  Hopefully she will be stabilized soon, and she needayqs a lot of prayers. 

The other big thing I wanted to mention this week was that we are nearing the end of the school year.  In all honesty, I am ready for it to end because teaching full-time can really take a lot out of a person.  For people unfamiliar with teaching, it is often assumed that a teaching job is cushy and easy, but in reality there is a lot of responsibility involved.  For one thing, if you teach kids who are either minorities or lower-income (in the case of my school it is both), that creates a special level of challenges as some of these kids can be a handful.  Also, there are records to maintain, grades to post, and we have a principal here who is both calendar-crazy and meeting-obsessed, so he calls meetings at the drop of a hat and many of us who are teachers here find that to be a bit inconvenient.  While the principal himself is a nice guy, at times I don't think he fully comprehends his duties, and he tries to be micromanager as well as thinking every little thing requires a stupid meeting.  Fortunately, his tenure as interim principal is up at the end of this year, so we will have a far more capable leader in charge next year, and the current principal will be back to teaching classes like the rest of us.  Although the job has its challenges, I am happy to say there are also good things about it too, and I wanted to share one of those this week.

Although I only check my faculty mailbox sporadically, I went down and did so yesterday because I had to write up a student who seems to have a bad fascination with peppering his conversations with the "f bomb," and after repeated warnings I had enough. So, I wrote him what is called a JUG.  A JUG is essentially a serious student violation slip that will often earn a major consequence for the student's actions, and we write those out when a student has a discipline issue.  I don't like writing those in all honesty, so I use them sparingly as I have other ways to address the issues.  But this one student - I will call him Jake here to protect his identity - is a real pain in the butt.  He has an attitude, and he also loves using profanity and seems to do what he can to push the limits.  However, Monday I had enough so I issued him a JUG and my guess is that he will have an in-school suspension at some point.   I said all that though to get to what I found in my faculty mailbox once I took the JUG slip down to give his advisor.  In the box was a large posterboard, and on it the students had written some really nice things to me as their teacher, and it was one of the sweetest gestures I have gotten since being here.  It is amazing that when you start questioning whether it is worth it, God sends these little messages to remind you what it is all about.  While Jake and Jenn are two of the more negative manifestations of bad behavior of the students, it is a reminder to myself that most of these kids are actually good kids and they have unlimited potential.  I have seen some of them really shine in my classes too, and I am personally proud of them.  And, I will definitely treasure and keep that little "love note" from my students, as it is a beautiful expression of their appreciation and it really made my day.  Now I want to talk about another student who surprised me this year too.

Daniel is one of my regular students in the first class I teach.  Originally, I thought of him as kind of a pain, but for some reason he seems to really be drawn to me and I am really starting to like him.  Daniel is basically a good kid, although he can be a challenge at times, but he has an endearing quality about him and I respect that.  And, in this case, Daniel is his real name.  Daniel is smart, does very well on his work, and in recent months he is even displaying a growing maturity.  I have a feeling I may be seeing more of him next year, and that is not necessarily a bad thing - if he comes out of his high school experience being inspired and motivated by something I have showed him, then that makes it all worthwhile. 

There is not a lot more I need to say for this week, so I think I will wrap up until later.  Thanks for your visit, and look forward to seeing you soon. 

The Summer Season Knocks on the Door

 It is really interesting as I write this, but for the first time in many years I am actually looking forward to summer.  Maybe it is because I am working in the school system now, and much like the students anticipate summer, so do teachers - while being an educator can be rewarding, it can also be extremely taxing and I really need some rest in all honesty.  I am thankfully on the doorstep of a long rest, as tomorrow is the last official class day for the students - the remainder of the week will consist of a baccalaureate Mass for the graduating seniors, the commencement ceremony itself at the Archdiocesan cathedral, and then final exams next week for everyone else.  As I write this now, I cannot help but remember my own anticipation for summer break back many years ago when I was still a student in school.

My later childhood and middle and high school years saw a gradual evolution of my summer interests.  It began with the normal childhood pursuits of fishing, tramping around in the woods near the house, and building forts and other activities with a few friends.  As I came into middle and high school though, I began to do more things by myself - experiments with cooking, wildcrafting by gathering wild garlic and other things, and some occasional summer travels to my dad's in Georgia, where I would often hang out at my aunt's houseboat near Blythe Island outside of Brunswick.  And, I began to develop a musical soundtrack to my summers too, which included songs such as Mitch Miller's "Songs for a Summer Night" and Frank Sinatra's "Summer Wind."  A part of me misses those days in all honesty, and now being confined to a big city, I miss it more.  A small-town mountain kid from West Virginia, I am prone still to some culture shock even after being in cities for many years - Baltimore is not my first city, as I have lived in the Tampa Bay area for many years too.  But, even after exposure to the city, I still miss the small towns and farms I grew up around.  I also for the first time know the feeling of being a minority.  The Baltimore of 50 years ago, which was much more diverse, is now largely homogenous in terms of population - it is, like Atlanta, a majority Black city now and many former rich ethnic enclaves in Baltimore are now largely Black neighborhoods and they are prevalent with urban blight and decay.  Many small businesses are now closed, including the corner stores that one could find all over the city years ago, and garbage litters most of the city.  The more affluent neighborhoods in the cities are made up of upper-income White liberals, and at times the poor Blacks are easier to deal with than them.   Historically ethnic neighborhoods - predominantly Polish Fells Point, nearby Little Italy, and Greektown - now have a different composition.  Many of those areas where Poles, Italians, Greeks, and others once lived are now predominantly Spanish-speaking.  Little Italy could now easily be called Little Salvador now because of the growing number of Salvadorans.  However, oddly enough, many of the newer Spanish-speaking communities are generally decent people, and even among my students some of my best performers are Spanish-heritage students.  For the most part, the Blacks are too, and many of them are friendly on the buses and in the stores downtown.  But, the political and cultural atmosphere of the city here has been a bit of a culture shock for me personally, and there are days where I can go through a part of the city and all one sees is Black faces.  That in itself is not necessarily problematic, but the radical politics which often infects those communities is.   Unlike semi-rural Washington County 70 miles away, Baltimore is staunchly a liberal Democrat city, and even my more libertarian housemate here (who is himself Mexican-American) feels uncomfortable about sharing his views, and I personally try to steer clear of conversations about politics with both my students and my fellow teachers, as many of them hold these views too.  This leads me to a couple of interesting observations. 

I know, for one thing, that it is no accident I am here.  God brought me here for a reason, and I am where I am supposed to be.  That being said, I also know this is only a season as well - in time, I will move onto another place where I can do what I am supposed to do.  It is those things, as well as an active faith, that keeps me going.  And, that leads me back to summers.

I have reminisced before about what it was like as a kid to be entertained by simple pleasures - like when I first got into vintage big band music and would often stay up by myself at night in our kitchen in Kirby, WV, listening to Henry Boggan's Sunday night program on WBT-AM out of Charlotte, NC, and as I did so the window would be open with a gentle breeze in the little kitchen of our mobile home, and I only had the small stove light on in the kitchen as I listened while nibbling on saltines with butter and really sugary instant coffee.  Later, when we took care of an elderly woman in Terra Alta, I would spend my evenings late at night listening to either those radio programs or my then-modest record collection as I laid on my bed with the window open and my small globe lamp.  I would think and self-direct conversations, as well as later journaling or drawing, as I did that, and I also would do extensive reading as well.  Those simpler times were precious memories for me.  These days, I don't have as much liberty to do a lot of that like I used to, but I do have my moments of solitude and can enjoy that too.  Maybe in retirement in about a dozen years I will have more time to pursue true leisure like I once did, not being enslaved to the culture of acedia like I am now.  

Those are some of the week's thoughts, and I will wrap up now and grab my dinner, as I am writing this at home today.  Thanks again, and looking forward to next week's visit.  

The Challenges of Life

 As I write this for the week, I am in a very fatigued state.  As the school year is winding down, the effects of dealing with five classes of precocious high school juniors is being felt.  But, at home other things have been happening too which are worth note.

I mentioned that Barbara moved back with me in the house back in March, and in all honesty, it was probably a wise decision both on her and my parts.  Since around 2004, Barbara has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes as well as with high blood pressure, but now that she has reached her 60th birthday, her health issues are starting to manifest more now.  Last Thursday, as I was getting ready for work, Barbara said that she was really dizzy and then her left arm went limp and she ended up dropping her toothbrush down the sink.  As anything like this is serious, I called 911, and an ambulance arrived on site to assess her situation.  They ended up taking her to the ER at the local hospital, and they admitted her soon after.  She ended up staying until Saturday, and when they released her the diagnosis was serious.

Barbara, it turns out, experienced a mild stroke, and she was also diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and vertigo as well.  She is home now, but it has meant a few adjustments.  For one, I am back to taking the bus to work, and this morning that proved challenging as it is raining out and the driver on the 21 Route was sort of an idiot - she was not paying any attention to bells when people requested stops, and I almost missed mine.  I have dealt with the issue of public transportation before here, especially in Baltimore where like almost every other service it tends to be ran in an arbitrary fashion and doesn't take into regard the customer's wishes.  Buses, delivery people, taxi drivers - they all tend to do their thing whenever they feel like it and it can be very frustrating if you are on a schedule and need to get to work or to an appointment.  It also seems to be a trait my students have as well, as many of them outright ignore due dates for assignments.  I am still convinced it is a principality spirit over Baltimore, but I could be wrong too.  Any rate, the adjustment means getting up at 5:30 again, and then hanging out at the coffee shop in the afternoon while I wait for my bus transfer.  On the positive there however I did win a free coffee for knowing that Frank Sinatra's favorite booze was Jack Daniels - sometimes it pays to be a music collector!

That is really all the reflection I have for this week, so I will leave it there and have hopefully some better insights next week. 

This Week

 I am not too inspired to do a catchy title for this week's discussion, so we will just self-title it "This Week."

There is not really a lot of earth-shaking stuff to say about this week, except that I am feeling happy that this year is about over - the group of kids I had were a challenge to say the least.  Also, upon starting this year late, I was proverbially "thrown to the wolves" with no textbooks for the classes I teach, and I had to come up with my own lesson plan for the year.  That was rough!  Thankfully, our new department chair is working on remedying the textbook issue for next year, so it should go much more smoothly.  Also, a change in administration - the school has just selected its new principal for next year, and I hear he is really effective - may aid in a smoother year next year.  The current principal who is an interim is a nice enough guy, but he leaves the impression that he doesn't know what the hell he is doing either and it has been more stressful as a result.  He will be teaching only next year, which means he gets to face some of our issues.  Hopefully that will give him a better appreciation for what his instructors have to deal with. 

I know it sounds like I am grousing about my job, but in reality I am thankful for it - it is the highest salary I have ever made, and it is also my first full-time teaching assignment which is definitely a change in career path now.  That being said, there are issues to face - one being that often I feel like a fish out of water ideologically as I am in essentially a liberal hotbed, both theologically and politically. This school is after all administered by the Jesuits, who are themselves a radical and controversial order.  So, despite the fact I teach Theology here, I cannot teach it like I want to in fear that it could stir up issues. That has nothing to do with the Jesuits specifically, but with the nature of the school itself - the faculty and student body are both comprised of many non-Catholic individuals,  and for a Catholic institution that creates a bit of a mess.  I have attempted to navigate it as best I could but at times it does prove interesting to say the least.  I am not planning on making this a long-term career though, and have my own feelers out for other things should the opportunity present itself.  In the meantime, I have renewed for another year here, and that will buy some time to look into my options at least.  And, it is also job security.  

The upside to this week is that we are approaching the end of the year, and that means it is not quite as intense of a work schedule for the next couple of weeks.  In total, we have maybe at most 10 actual classroom instruction days, as there are other events scheduled as the year wraps up.  However, I am feeling it now - I feel fatigued and a little burnt-out as the year wraps up, and there are days it is hard for me to get out of bed when that alarm goes off.  And these kids - most of them are minorities, from lower-income families, and there are behavioral issues with them.  While the overwhelming majority of them are generally OK, there are some consistent problems with some of them and I am at the point where I am just glad I don't have to deal with them as much.  Not to sound like it's racially-inferred though, the fact of the matter is that some of the worst offenders in my classes tend to be Black kids.  I have a high number of Hispanic students too, and although they are not perfect, for some reason they tend to be more manageable in class than the Black kids are.  And, that leads me to a couple of interesting observations for the week I wanted to share.

The seniors at this particular school are required to do what is called a capstone project.  Generally, these are projects I would associate with graduate- and doctoral-level courses, but they have those here for high school seniors.  Essentially, what the student does is focus on an issue related to social justice, and they do the research, ask questions, and propose solutions to the issue they address. The "social justice" aspect of this sends up some red flags, as the politically-liberal bent of many faculty here makes for some weird paths these students go down.  As part of the process, underclassmen and their teachers are invited during certain times to sit in on these, and I got to sit in on two of them over the past couple of days.  The one yesterday raised some interest, as it is both a good topic but also has some interesting debate.  It focused on food banks and what are called "food deserts," meaning areas where markets for purchasing food are not readily available.  The students who presented these proposed two excellent ideas I felt like could be practically implemented in some communities - one was community gardens, an idea I have always supported, but then one of the students proposed what are called "food depots," and that intrigued me a little.  As the student eloquently explained in his presentation, a food depot provides affordable (and nutritious) groceries in communities that lack grocery stores and markets, and based on the model of the business, they are essentially self-financing and have their own dividends.  It is a great idea actually, especially here in Baltimore, and it would also solve another problem as well.  Anyone who has visited Baltimore knows that the rowhouse here is a common fixture, but so many of these rowhouses are now abandoned and they look crappy.  While the City of Baltimore tried to implement an incentive program of selling some of these to developers who could renovate them at rock-bottom prices (some for as low as a buck) it is inadequate as a solution.  As the student mentioned, some of these abandoned rowhouses could be renovated and turned into food depots for communities lacking markets, and that would help.  It would be like resurrecting the small convenience stores and restaurants that used to be found on the first floors of many rowhouses years ago but are now gone.  But, that would only account for a fraction of the abandoned properties.  I think another feasible solution would be for some nonprofits to buy up those things, renovate them, and make them into transitional housing for the homeless population to get them off the streets.  Given that Baltimore winters can be brutal (this one sure was!) this would not be a bad idea.  Also, maybe it is time for Baltimore to get a big facelift and just demolish a lot of these abandoned rowhouses and open the land up for something more productive.  With Baltimore's population in steady decline, there is no need for a lot of ratty-looking abandoned buildings, so get rid of them!  And, given there are tens of thousands of rowhouses in the city (and I live in one now), there would still be plenty of them left to give Baltimore its uniqueness. Anyway, that is just some proposals I would have expanding what our students talked about on that topic.  

Another topic addressed on Monday was this idea of the minimum wage.  Many well-meaning individuals want a wage hike without fully understanding the ramifications that would entail.  I am personally all for a living wage - people have to earn their livings, so yes, a reasonable salary is logical. However, this is where it gets murky, and the question is what is an acceptable living wage?  Some political pundits - left-wing of course - have proposed as much as $25 an hour, but is that wise??  If that were to happen, it for one thing would create an endless cycle of higher taxes and inflation, thus necessitating even more wage increases, and that would prove disastrous for the economy in the long run.  Another problem is who this would affect?  A huge corporation is not going to pay much attention to wage hikes because they benefit from two areas.  First, they can increase prices to pad their own profits, thus causing more inflation.  Secondly, they would start looking for cheaper labor in places like India, China, and the Philippines, where wage laws are more lax and they could pay workers there practically nothing to do the same jobs an inflated minimum wage would demand here.  That too would be disastrous for American industry.   Also, it is no loss to the big companies - they can be compensated by higher prices of their goods or outsourcing for cheaper labor to other companies.  However, who it does affect badly is the small business owner.  A ridiculously high Federal minimum wage would practically bankrupt a small business, who may be already struggling.  The small businessman does not have the same leeway as the corporate CEO, so they don't have the resources to meet the challenge.  Therefore, perhaps the Federal government should get their noses out of wage issues and maybe delegate that to states or local governments instead.  The solution therefore should be something that benefits everyone - the laborer, the small business owner, and the corporate executive.  Until that is realized, potential problems exist with politicians legislating things they are too stupid to know anything about. 

All of these issues address a common theme - there needs to be an overhaul in our society one way or another.  There are systems in place now that do not work, and perhaps it is time to junk them and think about better ideas and options.  Until we do, America will never achieve the greatness it could have, and no other nation will either.  

That was a little political soapboxing today, so stay tuned until next visit.  Thanks again, and have a good remainder of the week. 

Special - Picking a New Pope

 I am writing again this week as much has happened.  Yesterday, after the Papal conclave, it was announced that we have a new Pope, Leo XIV.  He is significant in that he is also the first American Pope (he was born and raised in Chicago) and at the relatively young age (for a Pope anyway) of 69, he is guaranteed to have a long tenure.  He is the former Cardinal Robert Prevost, and he served as an Augustinian missionary in Peru.  So, who is this guy?  There is a lot to discover about him yet, and I wanted to give a couple of preliminary observations.  

On the outset, it looks like Pope Leo XIV by all indications is a lot more centrist than his predecessor, so that is a positive.  He has made some good statements condemning radical gender ideologies, and he also is uncompromisingly pro-life and pro-traditional marriage.  Additionally, the fact that he made his first appearance after being named Pope in more traditional papal vestments also speaks well for him.  He also took the name Leo, and the last pope that had that name (Pope St. Leo XIII) was one of the best Popes the Church has had.  These are positives.  However, like anyone who is high-profile and also being a human being, he has a few imperfections too that are somewhat concerning, so I will address those next.

It seems that the new pontiff was somewhat lax on the sex abuse scandals that rocked the Church some years back, and although he has perhaps remedied that it will no doubt still haunt him throughout his papacy.  Also, despite the fact he is thankfully more nuanced than Francis was, he does have a few controversial takes on immigration, and he has been critical of El Salvador and Trump's stance on that despite the fact that both Trump and the President of El Salvador are combatting very real threats to society (notably dangerous MS-13 criminals) that leftist politicians seem to be fighting them on - I am totally appalled at how the political Left is so supportive of dangerous criminals when they totally ignore people who have been victims of those scumbags.  This may create a few issues later as well.  No Pope in the past several decades has been perfect on everything - even John Paul II had some faults, and in all honesty I loved his papacy - so I can perhaps deal with a few things like this.  And, now that I have analyzed Leo XIV's initial impressions, let me give a couple of conclusions.

I am cautiously optimistic about Pope Leo XIV - he seems to be a Pope who wants to heal fissures in the Church, and I am completely supportive of that.  However, I am hoping he does not turn into the radical that Francis was, because in all honesty I am ready to jump a sinking ship if the Catholic Church continues down that trajectory Francis pushed it on.  For me, the Polish National Catholic Church is not out of the question, and I would even go as far as to even return to the Continuing Anglicans if necessary.  I am uncompromisingly Catholic, so Evangelicalism is not even an option.  However, if I need a new church home, I am keeping channels open.  This Pope was just elected, so it's going to take a little time to see how his pontificate shapes up.  And, that will determine my course in the long run as well. 

Thank you for allowing me to share in an uncharacteristic second reflection this week, and I will see you next time. 

Getting Settled and Important Decisions

 As I write down thoughts for this week, I am at what seems like a major milestone since our involuntary displacement back in October, when losing our home in Hagerstown led me to eventually come here to Baltimore after receiving a job offer.  A lot of our things are still in storage over in Martinsburg, but this week I was able to get a significant portion of items - my record collection - and bring it back with me.  My record collection is greatly reduced now - about 1/3 the size it was - and thankfully I was able to get my large collections (the two Franklin Mints, the Singers collection, and several rare Reader's Digest boxed sets), and those were what were integral to starting anew.  Although the place I am in now constrains settling in too much, I was able to get those records and house them on a new special shelf I got a few weeks back, and they look great there now.  There are other aspects of settling in that are still being sorted out, but for the most part I am on track to starting to rebuild a life, and thankfully I have kept a core aspect of my life to give it a good start. 

As I am at school today, it is the work-study day for my students that they have once a week.  The school year is starting to wind down some, and I am mainly focused on getting the students prepped for their upcoming finals in a couple of weeks.  With the school year quickly wrapping up, it is only natural that some issues flare, and I had one of those yesterday.  A young man in my final class of the day decided to act like a jackass, and somehow he managed to procure some cheese and he was being messy and destructive with it, even trying to damage computer equipment of his classmates.  When confronted, he was also very disrespectful and rude and I had to throw him out of class.  I have a phone conversation with his mother later, and hopefully when he returns tomorrow he will have a better attitude.  At the risk of sounding controversial again, I am noticing this behavior primarily in the Black students - I don't know if it is their environment they live in, or what it is, but they tend to be some of my most difficult challenges.  Then, when I see how some adults in this city act, it is understood that they are modeling their own behaviors after bad behavior of the adults.  When I addressed this with a couple of other students the other day who were profusely using profanity in class, one tried to say it was "Black culture," at which point I countered that no culture encourages acting like a jackass, and I told the student flatly that his excuse was BS.  In talking with another teacher, I found out what I had suspected as well - the onerous COVID measures enacted a few years back also played a part in the bad behavior as well, given that many of the students I now teach were middle schoolers then and therefore they lost a lot of valuable learning time.  I am hoping that next year will be better, and I am also planning on being more prepared for the group I will be getting next year as well.

Dealing with some difficult students, in particular minority kids who are from low-income areas of town, can be a challenge.  You always wonder how much they actually respect and appreciate what you do, especially if you are a different ethnicity from them.  On many levels, I know these kids - having grown up poor and with a single parent myself, I can relate to them.  But, it has been over 40 years since I was their age, and they have some different mindsets than I did when I was their age too.  That perhaps is the greatest challenge of all.  One thing I feel should be mentioned though is that there are many similarities between the rural Appalachian roots I have and the backgrounds of many of these inner-city Black kids.  There are things I observe in their culture that I readily identify with, such as large mouthy women for one thing.  I have seen many large Black women who almost automatically make me think of my own late grandmother, as they have a similar attitude to hers.  This is another reason why racism is so wrong - at the end of the day, people of diverse cultures find out they share more in common than they have differences, and that is a good reflection point.  The problem with the rich White liberal yuppies a lot of the time is that they fail to understand either the Black culture of the city or the White rural culture of the Appalachians, and over the years those individuals have often displayed either patronizing behavior at best or outright contempt and mockery of us at worse.  That unfortunately exacerbates things such as racism, and it even makes cleaning up certain communities look like an exercise in discrimination.  Let's talk about that for a moment.

There is a word thrown around in recent years that has been a hot-button topic, and that word is gentrification.  What is it exactly?  The classic definition of it is when a blighted area of a city is targeted for renovation, and the downside of this is often it causes the cost of living to rise in said areas.  Its opposite is urban blight.  Many people who are on the DEI bandwagon view the concept of gentrification like the F bomb, and in doing so they actually cause more harm than good.  The harm they cause is specifically in how they define the terms - to some, any cleanup or restoration project in a given neighborhood gets the label "gentrification" when it may not be the case that it is.  Cleaning up urban blight is not "gentrification" - rather, it is trying to improve the standard of living for the people who live there.  There is no evil in tearing down dilapidated buildings which have the potential of becoming crack houses, and there is also no harm in picking up the trash and cleaning up the neighborhood a little bit - that is simply taking pride in one's community, not "gentrification."  Now, in order to diffuse the controversy, these efforts should be grassroots initiatives in which the residents make the call to clean up and improve their own communities, and that way no accusations of racism or anything else will hold water because efforts are on the part of the people that live there and not outsiders.  I have seen some positives to this end in some Baltimore neighborhoods - there are now many beautiful painted murals on some blocks, and I have also seen more community gardens and box libraries around, but there is still a lot of work to be done.  The city government has a lot to do with that too - for many years, the Baltimore government has been a source of corruption (after all, Nancy Pelosi's father was a corrupt mayor here back in the 1950s), and I am thinking more public revenue is going into the deep pockets of bureaucrats rather than being invested in improving the city.  Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a change in that on the horizon, and as a result, in recent years the population of Baltimore has begun to decline.  It remains to be seen where this goes, but hopefully and prayerfully a change in direction will come soon. 

Onto other matters, as I settle into my new place, I am slowly returning to a routine I have had interrupted over the past several months.  Being able to establish a new home takes time, but thankfully I have the salary and other means at this point to make that happen.  I have invested in new clothes for instance - the first time I have done that in several years - and I am also beginning to watch my health more.  That latter issue is becoming more evident, as lately my body has been feeling its age - I have a continual pain in my lower back, and there are days I am really stiff and it is hard to walk.  And, this despite the climbing and other things I need to do - I think I have climbed more steps in the past six months than I had the whole majority of my life previous.  Also, there are other parts of my life that have changed, some for the better and others not so much, but change is an inevitable fact of life because life marches on.  Change should never come at the expense of compromising principles though, and hopefully anyone reading this understands that too. 

The other big news of today is the Papal Conclave, in which the Cardinals of the Church will be gathering to deliberate on who will succeed Francis to the Barque of St. Peter.  I am hoping that orthodoxy and grounding will prevail, and that we don't end up with a worse disaster than Francis, but I am thinking I need a strategy just in case.  Near the campus here is Holy Cross Parish, a congregation of the Polish National Catholic Church that is around 112 years old.  The PNCC in recent years has adopted a more conservative approach to its doctrine and practice, and it is also still fully Catholic - they are actually currently in dialogue with the Anglican Catholic Church, my former communion.  If we end up with a controversial Pope, I am seriously thinking about changing my allegiance from Rome to a more orthodox form of Catholicism that is more compatible with Magisterial tradition, and the PNCC checks all the boxes for that.  At this point, I am maintaining a "wait and see" approach to see what happens, as thankfully the Church in the Third World is much more orthodox, and if a Pope were to come from those regions, it would be an answer to prayers.  I will continue to chronicle this until we see what happens, and then I will act accordingly.

Thanks again for allowing me to share this week, and will see you next time.