My Visit to the Dentist

 I am normally not in the best condition to write today, as I am not feeling the greatest.   After some very extensive dental work yesterday, I have an upper denture now that makes me feel like I have a wad of gum on the roof of my mouth, and I haven't been able to eat solid food in over 24 hours.  I am told by other people that have these that you eventually get used to them, and God, I hope so!  Mind you, this has been my first visit to a dentist in about 50 years, so it was intense.  

I found a really good downtown dental practice - Inner Harbor Dental Associates - that did my work for me.  This was actually my third visit, as the first two entailed sticking things into my mouth and taking a 3-d image of my whole array of teeth.  They do this to custom-make the denture to fit, so I guess that is good.  Yesterday though the real work started.  My teeth had gotten so bad that I had maybe four of them left on top, and they all needed extraction.  That in itself is an experience, as I had a nasty reaction to the local anesthetic they use.  Let's talk about that first.

I don't know what it is, but for many years I have had two related problems.  The first is due to the fact that I have had some scary breathing attacks which result in extreme stridor (The loud "heep-heep-heep" sound you make when you cannot catch your breath).  Along with that, I have a very sensitive gag reflex - just about anything can cause it from flavorless gum to this denture I am wearing, and it is not pleasant either.  I don't know why I have either of these issues, but I would like to do something about them to stop the risk at least.  If any of you reading this know of something, please feel free to reach out as I am up for trying it. 

My dental procedure took approximately 3 hours yesterday.  The remainder of my top teeth were extracted, and then the holes stitched.  I was bleeding profusely, and even today I can still taste some blood in my mouth.   While the anesthetic was effective to where I didn't feel any pain, I did feel the crunching of the removing teeth and also I felt the pressure as the dentist extracted them.  Many of them were just pieces of roots, but there was a whole table full of them when I finished.  And, I could taste also - the blood, as well as some weird liquid that reminded me of either stale tobacco, old coffee, or rancid hazelnuts - I am wondering if that came out of me?  The whole experience was not overall bad (save from that initial local anesthetic) but the adjustment after was a challenge.  I have to wear this new denture for 24 hours straight - I can take it out when I get home - and that meant I could not eat regular food - my dinner last night was chicken stock essentially.  I was told by the dental technician that it will take a while to adjust, but I really want some real food - with only liquids for the past couple of days, I am feeling it.  I know this will pass soon, but my goodness it is difficult!   I guess though that dental health is a sacrifice, both physically and financially (I have paid close to $2500 into this already in all honesty).  And, I still have the bottom part to do yet in January - that will involve root canals, crowns, and a partial.  So, why did I have to go through this?  Let's go back to the beginning.

The last dentist I saw was about 50 years ago in 1975 not too far from where I am sitting now - he was an old dentist named Dr. Schreiber, and he was the one who took care of my baby teeth then.  I remember he gave me those in a little tooth-shaped plastic case, and I had them for a while until they started to really smell and then someone threw them out.  Over the years, I have made a point of keeping my teeth if they come out, and currently between my house now and my stuff in storage I maybe have a dozen or more of them.  I was thinking about asking the dentist to keep mine from yesterday, but in all honesty it was the last question on my mind as I was too much in a weird state - pain, the discomfort of the new denture, and a bit of fear too.  So, they are more than likely now disposed of (besides, who keeps their extracted teeth anyway??).  As of today, I am guessing Dr. Schreiber is long gone - he was as old as dirt when he treated me then in all honesty.  I still remember though his practice being somewhere over on West Pratt Street on the other side of Pigtown, and dental technology has come a long way since - Inner Harbor is a lot different in all honesty.  In many respects, it is probably better as a lot of the old stigma of drills and other formidable dental tools is not as big of a deal anymore, and thank God for that.  And, this being looked at in retrospect, yes, I have regrets.

My biggest regret is perhaps not getting dental care sooner - I really should have been doing regular dental checkups since my first visit to Dr. Schreiber, but Mom never cared when I was younger and I never had the time to invest in it when I was older.  My first problem tooth happened when I was 18 years old in my lower jaw - I remember having a bad abscess that made my face puff out, and my poor English teacher there felt so bad for me that she was going to get me to a dentist herself.  But, a combination of a couple of surefire home remedies  - one being warm salt water and the other being a rather unconventional treatment called Square Snuff, a "granny snuff" that came in a tiny can, and it looked like cocoa powder.  The old lady we took care of at the time, Myrtle, used it, and so did my paternal grandmother.  The trick to the remedy was to take a Q-tip, dip a little of the snuff on it, and apply it right in the cavity where the abscess was.  The acid in the snuff would break through the abscess, and it then would drain this horrible pus that tasted awful in your mouth, but once that happened the nerve of the tooth was dead and there was no more pain.  Of all the tooth issues though, an abscess is absolutely the worst.  Let me explain it. 

Think of a tooth abscess as being like a painful boil at the root of a tooth.  It fills up with pus, and as it does, it bears on the dental nerve and the pain is excruciating.   In due time it will break anyway, but most people want those things gone immediately, as the pain is perhaps one of the worst a member of the human race can experience.  As the abscess grows, it also causes swelling in the face, and if it is really serious it can even block your eyeball, as mine did in 12th grade when I had my first.  I haven't had any that bad since, and honestly, that is a blessing.  In recent years my teeth have gotten much more fragile though, and over the past 20 years I gradually lost a lot of them, many in the past 5 years or so. A lot of them just gave way while I was eating - a cold Snickers or Starburst would crack a fragile tooth like a thin egg.  You then know it happens when you feel something crunchy in your mouth, and you know it ain't peanuts from that Snicker's Bar you just had.  Then you spit it out - little pieces of enamel, with often some black or brown stuff (dead pulp) inside them.  Then you had the sharp edge of the remaining shell of what was once a tooth, and that can cut one's lips or the inside of the cheek.  Any rate, you have probably been mortified at this, but I felt like sharing today.

Thanks again until next time, and pray for my quick recovery.  

When the Grind Invades Your Dreams

 I have talked before about the importance and significance of our dreams, as we are often too quick to dismiss them.   Dreams serve two purposes - first, they reflect our subconscious mind, and secondly they can also be a means of spiritual insight.  Not every dream is a prophetic message, let me be clear, but in cases where dreams have a pattern, there is something more to pay attention to.  I have noticed this in my own dream patterns recently, and wanted to talk about it this week.

Last night, I had a series of dreams where I was hearing my alarm sound, and in one or two cases I either overslept or got up too early.  The reason for this type of dream is simple - it means I am experiencing some level of stress, and that the daily routine is beginning to affect me.  It is one reason why I am also scheduling a couple of PTO days at my job in the next couple of weeks, because I feel like I may need to have a bit of relief - the school I work at has been running us ragged recently, with a lot going on, and I am starting to feel that in a profound way.   And, my dreams are starting to reflect that as well.  So, let me reiterate some earlier information about dreams just to bring this into context.

A dream is at its core a psychological mechanism.  Dreams interpret, amalgamate, and reflect our lives, our experiences, and whatever happens to be on our minds before we sleep.  Of course, we also do on occasion have the "pepperoni pizza dreams" too which are the result of eating something too heavy before bed, and that can be an experience in itself.  Therefore, naturally our mental state has a lot of bearing on our dreams, and we see that in what we dream too.  

This is not the first time I have had odd dreams about alarms going off - dreaming about waking up.  It has happened before during other high-stress periods of my life too, even as far back as elementary school.  Usually the dream entails a waking-up sequence, followed by a sense of dread or urgency at the time, and on occasion it even entails falling back to sleep.  This is what I was doing last night in my dreams, and it was insane.  At one point, I actually did wake up to look at my clock, and it was 4:22 AM - about 98 minutes before I normally get up.  I fell back to sleep, and the dream happened again.  When the alarm on my cell phone finally did go off, it was not as much of a shock though despite the fact I really did not want to get up.  My alarm is fascinating too, as it has become a symbol of dread and routine.

In this day of everyone having personal cell phones, and the fact that any task can be easily carried out on one, it is no surprise that an alarm feature is on our phones.  Mine plays this British Kensington-like tune when it goes off, and I suppose that is better than the loud beeping or buzzing. However, there are days I have grown to despise the sound of that song.  Especially in the chaotic weeks that have encompassed the month of October at work, and November is going to prove to be as challenging as a couple of intense weeks are on the horizon for November.  Which is why, thanks to my employer giving us a number of PTO days, I am taking advantage.  They are there to use, and although I don't make a habit of it, I need to at this point.  Retirement will come in the near future, and it cannot be soon enough. 

Onto other better news for the week, it looks like I may be on the verge of owning my first house!  I was pre-approved for a small mortgage last week, and I found a place that I will be looking at this coming week.  In all honesty, I hate living in the inner city, and this place I am looking into is conveniently outside of the city in the nearby community of White Marsh, which is a nice area.   It is conveniently close to the city without being in the city.  I will share more details on that later as everything comes together.

Also, this week I am having some much-needed dental work done, as it is long overdue.  I am both glad to get it taken care of but also not thrilled about the procedure, but it will be worth it in the long run.  I have had this constant pang in my conscience to take better care of myself, so I am taking measures to do that.  It has been over 50 years since I last saw a dentist, and ironically that was in Baltimore as well - it was a dental practice over on West Pratt Street operated by Dr. Schreiber, who then was as old as dirt when he took care of me and he is more than likely long gone now.  My teeth are frankly a mess, so getting them taken care of is long overdue.  Wednesday will be the third of five appointments I will be going to that will facilitate the process.  Getting my dental needs taken care of is also a big accomplishment for the year, and I will revisit that in my end-of-year post at the beginning of December. 

As I get ready to celebrate my 56th birthday in a couple of weeks, I am feeling my age now more than ever.  People often associate us Gen-Xers with slacker teens of the 1980s, but in reality, we are the old folks now.  It's a little hard to reconcile myself in all honesty, because a part of me still feels young and it is perhaps that part of me that keeps me going.  I am now on a pill regimen too - I take a mess of supplements and a blood pressure pill every day, as well as a bunch of chewables - multivitamin, calcium, and stress relief - every day.  At night, I generally take melatonin for sleep, Tylenol for joint pain, and Benadryl for sinus issues, and that is a normal routine for me now.  I am not as sure at times about the Benadryl and Tylenol, but they seem to help somewhat.  And, when I am now looking at weekly obituaries to see if people I know have passed, it has become sort of a morbid hobby for me.  Just this week as a matter of fact a guy who was a few years behind me in school by the name of Shawn passed on.   I didn't know him well when we were in school over 40 years ago, but never had an issue with him either.  In recent years he had been having several health issues though, including some cardiac procedures he needed done.  I guess after so much of that the body gives out, and that is what happened to this poor guy too.  It is odd, because the last time I recall seeing him was when he was a gangly 7th-grader during the year I was a junior in high school.  Our school then consisted of both a high school and a middle school, and the middle schoolers were housed in a newer section of the building on the other side of the auditorium (all of that has pretty much been torn down now, especially since my alma mater closed many years back).  And that leads me to another observation I have noted as well.

Almost all of the schools I went to in elementary, middle, and high school are closed now, save a few bigger ones.  The high school I graduated from, East Preston in Terra Alta, WV, closed almost 30 years ago.   My elementary school, Grassy Lick in Kirby, WV, closed in the early 2000s.  The middle school I attended, Romney Jr. High School in Romney, WV, is now moved from its original location and housed on the original campus is the county board of education offices.  My first-grade school, Hamrick Elementary in my hometown of Hendricks, also closed years ago and now stands abandoned.  So many schools in my home state of West Virginia have either closed, consolidated, or just faded away, and I am wagering that a number of my former teachers are also long gone too - there are still many of them around, as I talk on a regular basis with several of them as they are now senior colleagues now that I am an educator myself.  But still, my obituary book continues to grow, and I am thinking I may need to start a new volume soon.  

That begs a question as well - I wonder how many obituaries I will have by the time my number comes up?  It is truly a sobering reality when you start to realize that you are now the senior citizen in the room, and for many of my generation, that is still a huge thing to grasp. But, life goes on, and soon it will be the Gen-Zers who will be tomorrow's senior citizens.  

Thank you for allowing me to share vignettes of my life, and will see you again soon. 

Dealing WIth a Few Pet Peeves

 The complexities of being an individual do amaze me, especially when I look at myself.  I have a lot of these little things called pet peeves.  We all have them in some form or another, and they will drive the person who has them nuts.  I am going to share a few with you today that are on my "Top Ten" list.

The first one has to do with my music collection, and it automatically comes to mind because a lot of people honestly don't have a clue as to why I listen to the music I love and they tend to trivialize or sentimentalize it a lot.  For instance, there are well-meaning people - and they are generally nice people too who don't even realize that their insights on this sort of thing are like nails on a chalkboard to me - who have no idea as to what a big band is, and the only name they seem to come up with is Glenn Miller.  Now, don't get me wrong - Glenn Miller is a legend, and I have an ample amount of his material in my own collection.  However, when I mention I collect vintage big band records, I get comments like this - "Oh, I have a Glenn Miller CD in my garage."   Ummm...OK, glad you like Glenn Miller, but really??  I don't even know why that rubs me the wrong way, but it does.  Let me just give some friendly advice about that - you don't have to relate to my interest, even if it is just a casual familiarity on your part.  If I divulge to you for some reason that I like my type of music I listen too, just say something like "Oh, that's cool," and that will suffice - you don't have to suddenly recall the Glenn Miller CD you picked up at a garage sale somewhere for a quarter to impress me.  I probably wouldn't be too impressed with it anyway, as a lot of knockoff labels have reissued "In the Mood" about 25 million times over the past 30 years, so I already know that certain Glenn Miller songs are readily available.  Those CDs are not even collectable, as they are a dime a dozen.  If you want to really impress me, show me a recording with a Glenn Miller solo from the late 1920s with the Mound City Blue Blowers or Ben Pollack's orchestra - then we will talk.  That is the stuff that gets a real collector's attention, not a cheap CD you find in Walmart or Dollar General that is not even that well-made.  And, that is not just me - any serious collector of any genre of music will pretty much tell you the same thing.   Just keep that in mind if the issue of music comes up. 

Another pet peeve I have is calling people something they are not.  I have a good friend I love like a brother I never had, but he consumes televangelism like Carter consumed liver pills.  I get kind of aggravated at him when he says about a certain televangelist - let's say for argument and sanguinity Perry Stone - is a "great theologian."  The term "theologian" gets bandied about a lot, especially from hyper-charismatics, as they think anyone with an honorary degree is a "theologian."  You just don't call people theologians who display a deficiency in knowledge of key theological concepts, and you also cannot just call yourself one either - it sounds pretentious and stupid in all honesty.  As my good friend Desmond Birch (who is a real Catholic theologian) said, it's not a mantle you either take on yourself or casually call someone who doesn't have the pedigree to back it up.  Any fool can quote a Bible verse or read Dake's notes, but an actual theologian is shaped by years and years of intense study, and also must be academically recognized.  My friend has even tried to call me one at times, and I am quick to remind him that I am not a theologian - my doctorate is in History, not Theology.  I can say I am theologically informed, in that I know what I believe and can argue my position, but I would never call myself a theologian though.  People will say all sorts of stuff and call themselves anything to get attention at times, and it's a form of vanity to do so.  And, when you bestow such titles on others who didn't merit them in any way, it does a disservice to the true theologians and others who work hard to live out their vocations.  

A third and final pet peeve I will deal with today is the idea of a Karen.  We all know who these people are - they drip entitlement, and they somehow think that micromanaging everyone else's lives and sticking their big noses in other people's business is a civic duty.  In the community we live in, we have one of those unfortunately - her name is Mary, and she is an elderly Black lady who lives about two doors down from us.  She is always texting our landlord about this, that, or the other about our house, and in all honesty it gets old - the woman needs to find more hobbies to round out her day in all honesty.  In the past, we just called these people "old biddies," but the term Karen seems to fit them better.  If I am paying for my own home, and have my own life, I want to be left alone to live, and I have no time for people with no stake in my life to stick their fat noses in where they don't belong.  As I get older, I also am shorter on grace with these people, as I see them as an infection upon daily life.  Time for a nice innoculation against Karens, and mine is my own short level of patience.  

Those are just a few of my personal pet peeves.  As I said, we all have them, and some of you may even share the same ones I have.   Thanks again for allowing me to share, and I will see you next time. 

Crazy Week and Changing Life

 This week as I am writing, today I had to proctor an SAT test for about 16 of the juniors I teach.   The role was completely off-the-cuff, as the regular teacher for that class was out (convenient!) and our vice principal failed to tell me anything until the last possible minute when the kids were scheduled to start their test.  Stuff like that - disorganization and a lack of preparation - drives me personally insane.  But, I am not here to talk about that, but rather a few other things.

This week has been one roller-coaster ride in all honesty.  It just seems like any angle we can be hit from, we are.   Excessive demands at work, a nosy neighbor (a Karen) at home, a micromanaging landlord, and Barbara had her own fight with a corrupt state office (the MVA) that is trying to weaponize her health against her to prevent her from driving.   I want to spend time on that last one first, as there is a lot to say on it.

Both the state of Maryland in general and the city government of Baltimore in particular are two of the most corrupt institutions on the planet.   With Baltimore having the 3rd highest murder rate of any city in the US, and also with the way the city is managed, it seems like a breaking point may be coming soon.  I am shocked and horrified at the rows and rows of abandoned rowhouse properties around this city, and as mentioned before some houses are being used as makeshift dumpsters at their basement entrances.   These properties could easily be refurbished and even made available to relieve the homeless crisis, but a corrupt city government doesn't want to do that for some reason.  And then there are issues with porch piracy - you cannot leave something outside your house for a minute without some buzzard picking it off.  Yet, the state of Maryland seems to be more concerned about shutting down good drivers with health issues.   The morbidity of it is insane.

Then, even at the school, we have some things going on.  When 100% of our history faculty are citing Howard Zinn as their favorite author, that is problematic.  One of the teachers, a somewhat cocky but generally friendly younger guy who teaches sophomores, even called another faculty member he disagreed with a "fascist" just because the latter cited that ICE might be useful.  That term "fascist" gets bandied about a lot by people who don't really understand what it means, and who in reality may have more fascist traits themselves than those they accuse.  I have been re-thinking my career choices as a result - not as a teacher, but rather where I teach.  A more solidly orthodox Catholic school (or even an Evangelical school, if one will have me) would probably be a bit more feasible for me as I often feel like I am "drinking the deadly thing" with the political and religious views I hear a lot here.  It is kind of expected I suppose, as our school here is administered by Jesuits (who are not exactly one of the more conservative orders in the Church) and this city is perhaps the largest hotbed of leftist political influence on the East Coast.  Also, I am contemplating a new house, and already looked into a mortgage to possibly get one out in the suburban areas (either a place like Middle River or Catonsville would be ideal).  Summarily, I have a lot to ponder regarding which direction I am going, and between now and the end of this year I will be doing some focus on just that. 

Speaking of that, I am putting together the "Blog Book" for this year, and my goodness, it is huge! I am quite amazed at how prolific my writing has been, but also it has been a year of many changes too.  In a month or so, I will be writing the last blog of the year.  I am rethinking a couple of things with that which impact the future of this enterprise.   For one, I am thinking about another and more manageable site which would make the copy/paste process more efficient when assembling the yearly bound book.  Also, I am contemplating eventually bringing these posts to a close, as I am hitting 60 in a few short years and it is time I start working on a bigger project, namely my life story book that I have been putting together over the past 30 years.  At present, my handwritten script covers about 5 volumes of spiral-bound books, and by the time it is edited, refined, and typeset, it may be over 2000 pages which may require two volumes.  I am doing what is essentially a continuing legacy of my own family line, given that at this point I am the only surviving member of my immediate family, a fact that won't change unless I remarry in the near future.  That is something I wanted to talk a bit about now too. 

With the death of both my parents and my last grandparent in the past 5 years, the reality of my own mortality has been hitting me like a shovel in my face.  I often think, if something happens to me, what will become of all this work I have done researching our family story and preserving a lot of family memorabilia?  I am in dire need of a successor, and while there is something in the works for that I will disclose at another time, that need becomes more pronounced with every passing day of my life now.  And, I am realizing rather fast that I am not as young as I used to be, and that is sobering when you start to really think about it.  With each new obituary I come across of a person I once knew, I am realizing that many people in my own life are no longer here.  And as for cousins, on my dad's side they seem to be more decent than the ones on my mother's, because the latter live the closest to me but I never see them or hear from them unless they want something or they are starved for some sort of juicy gossip they can cook up.  I have also become too old for games like that, as gossip and backbiting frankly sicken me, and I have little to do with them.  That being said, I can safely say I don't trust a lot of my extended family all that much.  That is a tragedy in many ways, but given the type of people some of them really are, it is also a blessing of protection too.  Any rate, there is more to say on this for another time, but you get the gist of it. 

There is not much more I can say today on this topic, but it felt good to speak of it in many cases, which is the major reason I started these articles.  Thanks for allowing me to do that, and will see you next time. 

Some Thoughts This Week

 I was not planning on another post this week, but I wanted to just reflect a bit on a few things, as there is much to think about.  This blog has been becoming more of a personal journal than anything, as I seem to write more in it than I do in my personal journal.  However, I still utilize the journal as there are thoughts obviously that would not be in line to share here, as we all have that personal dimension to our being which requires some sanctity.  I have talked at length about journaling before, so I won't get into that here.  Rather, I am doing one of those posts that more or less goes with the flow of my thoughts, as sometimes there is something profound or insightful that comes from that too. 

The first thing that comes of the top of my head is this blog itself - 15 years!  It is hard to fathom that, and it continues to grow too.  The blog initially started when I lived in Largo, FL, and was something that Barbara said I should do.  It turned out to be a decent idea, and thankfully it did.  15 years later, I am still going with it.  I am not sure how much longer I will continue to write, but this year seems to be more than usual - the "blog book" I usually have published and bound every year will be huge this year, but that's OK.  In time, I am still thinking about gleaning through all this to create the skeletons of future books I want to publish, so we'll see what happens. 

One thing that many probably noticed missing this year is the post about the anniversary of my music collection.  I began that collection officially on October 1, 1982, and in the process I have lost that collection twice and had to rebuild from scratch.  I suppose that this would be a good time to tell everyone what has happened.

When we were forced to move last year, I ended up leaving the bulk of my music collection behind.  It was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever had to do, because at that point I had pretty much every recording I was ever looking for.  Now, this does not mean I lost everything, as I did manage to salvage my larger boxed LP sets, and still have those thankfully.  But, I have had to buy new CDs - I have a much smaller collection than I used to have now - and I have had to rethink my music collection a bit.  One thing that turned out to be very fortunate for me was the greater availability of MP3 recordings that could be saved on flash drives, and starting this Spring I was able to begin collecting a bunch of those.  I have two large orders of those on the horizon, as I found a couple of good resources that pretty much have every item I used to have on CD as MP3 downloads, and I can get them at a huge fraction of the original cost.  At this point, a collection I used to have of over 3400 recordings now fits into a box in the palm of my hand, and it can now go anywhere I go too.  With CDs also kind of going by the wayside (they don't sell like they used to in all honesty) it looks like digital downloads may be the way of the future, and I am fine with that.  A thumb-size flash drive can hold up to 500 gbs of data, and when that is broken down into sound tracks, that means a library of potentially 300 or more CDs per drive.  So, about 8 of those drives can hold a huge collection of recordings.  I will still buy some vinyl and some CDs too, as not everything is digitally available yet, but for the foreseeable future I see the flash drive as being the new face of my music collection, and it is somewhat exciting to think about. 

There was a fantasy I had as a young kid that I wished I could shrink everything I owned into a small box, and then I can take it anywhere.  With so many pieces of music, books, and films now available to download (both free and at cost), it looks more like a possibility these days to do these things.  And, after the events of last year as well as my ever-increasing reality that I am no longer getting any younger, there is a sort of practicality in this.  I recall several years ago watching the various incarnations of Star Trek, and especially later with TNG and DS9, I recall how data was preserved - it was stored on these long drinking straw-like glass sticks that could contain the whole documented legacy of a small civilization, and I am looking at my flash drives now and seeing how much of a prophetic reality that became.  Star Trek seems to be the impetus for a lot of things, including even the cell phone now - 50 years ago, no one would have ever imagined that you could possess a phone with the whole world at your fingertips, yet here we are.  It is practically a necessity now to have a cell phone, and much like a Star Trek tricorder, you can do anything with it.  Technology is a blessing in many ways, but it also can be a liability too if it is misused, which is why I want to briefly address this thing with AI.

AI (artificial intelligence) is the new popular topic of conversation, and it is starting to show up everywhere.  Last year, I was joking with one of my students when I announced the final exam, and they said "Oh, I can use AI to do that."  I half-jokingly said, "why did you tell me that?  You know I am going to be checking for that now."  The student of course was kidding, and in all honesty he was smart enough to get a decent grade on his exam anyway, but it highlights what could be a potential liability of AI technologies.  AI can provide answers, compose projects, and even simulate a human being with just the click of a few keys.  But, is that good?  I feel a bit concerned about it, because God has already given us the most sophisticated information processing system in our brains, and ultimately AI owes its existence to a human brain.  It took a brilliant and gifted person to create AI technology, something a mere machine cannot do.  However, if we start to make people more dependent on AI technology, it will lead to a deficiency in things such as critical thinking, creativity, and other things God endowed us with which are inherent to the human body.  A machine can never recreate or replace that, and why people advocate for that is beyond me.  Take these transhumanists for example - I think of Kevin Warwicke, who frankly is about the creepiest human being I have ever encountered.  Warwicke wants to turn himself into a cyborg, and when he talks about it in his rather weird, sinister British brogue, I see red flags going up all over the place.  There are people who have studied Bible prophecy that view transhumanism (rightly) as a potential tool of a future antichrist, and it's a valid concern.  Whether they are right or not remains to be seen, but they are seeing something that doesn't add up.  Now, does this mean all AI technology is evil?  I cannot say I hold that view in all honesty, as I think that if used responsibly, AI could be a valuable tool.  Also, despite the fact that AI may have some value to transhumanism, I don't think AI and transhumanism are the same, and therefore I dispell any conspiracy theories I hear about it.  But, it still does pose some legitimate concerns, and if it starts to be used to redefine what humanity and personhood are, then I would say it is over the line.  That leads me to a couple of concluding thoughts.

Technology is wonderful, and in many ways we should feel blessed to live in an era when technology does have its benefits.  As a responsible tool in the right hands, technology has the potential of making some rather difficult areas of life more efficient, and it also opens up some doors of possibility we never had.  For that, I am thankful.  However, as imperfect as human nature is, the potential for abuse and addiction of technological innovation is there, and we have to set boundaries so as to keep our utilization of it focused. I myself am thankful for my cellphone and laptop, and do use them extensively, and I also am excited to be able to preserve a whole vintage music collection in a format that easily fits into the palm of my hand.  That being said though, let's never allow technological innovation to rob us of what makes us unique as human beings overall, but more so as individuals created in the image God made us.  The key is moderation, balance, and focus, the same ideas we should exercise with anything, and tech is no different. 

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to ramble more today, and I will return soon.  

Beacon of Truth

 Today we had a sort of mini-retreat day at school for our faculty, and there is nothing at all wrong with that concept - sometimes we have to mentally and spiritually recharge our batteries, and things like that help do that.  The theme of the retreat was centered around a couple of questions which were good:

1. What areas of my life and work fill me with the most gratitude?

2. What are obstacles that I experience that lead me away from gratitude? 

To be honest, a little of both showed up in this mini-retreat time in our small group.  Now, I work with a wonderful group of colleagues overall, and I have really come to like many of them personally.  However, many of them also have radically different ideological views from me as well, and the way I handle that is to try to find common ground with them.  One young man in particular who teaches History is generally a quiet person, and he generally is easygoing with everyone.  However, today one idea comes up that sort of threw me a curve ball - he was blaming the lack of gratitude in Western society on capitalism and an over-emphasis on individualism.  In reality, on some level he was not wrong - there are some issues with those things for sure.  However the place he was coming from was in reality a sort of product of that itself, and that is what I wanted to focus on. 

Capitalism, as a system, is not truly evil - it is an economic system primarily, and it promotes things like free enterprise and being able to be successful.  However, there is a toxic variant of capitalism called corporatism, or by its more popular moniker "crony capitalism."  I have talked about this before, and it entails greedy corporations swallowing up the small businesses that often form the pillars of communities, and the replacement is far inferior to the original.  The end result is an "oligarchy of monopolies," and they have the resources to rig political systems to make it harder for small businesses to function because they hate competition.  In reality, often the product which is churned out and marketed by the big corporations tends to be inferior, and even harmful in some cases - take the whole issue of GMOs in the food industry, as well as some of the stuff the pharmaceutical industry is pushing out.  That form of "capitalism" is at its roots totalitarian, and it doesn't represent true capitalism.  Oddly, for those the rail against capitalism (and I am not accusing my young colleague of this by any measure) are the same ones who think large corporations are good things - many of the most radical among them are even bankrolled by the same large corporations they are supposed to be against.  Do you see the inconsistency there?  That is why when the word "capitalism" is bandied about as a bogeyman by some who have certain political leanings, maybe it is a good idea to really probe what they mean by "capitalism."  If they mean commercialization and corporatism, I would probably agree with them, as there is way too much of that.  I get so sick, for instance, of trying to watch a YouTube video only to have it interrupted by a blast of 10 commercials/ads - one day in frustration with the Liberty Mutual commercials that air over and over, I said that they should stick that emu up their butts.  So yes, less of that junk would be better - I know advertising is integral to a company, but in all honesty when all that is advertising is multi-billion-dollar corporations, it gets old fast.  I feel a similar disdain for the MLM schemes that are often pushed even by church groups as "healthy alternatives" - they are corporate cults too, and they don't do anyone any service as they mix aggressive marketing with cultic philosophies that come more from Mary Baker Eddy or Ernest Holmes (the father of the New Thought movement) than they do the Bible. Any unrealistic "get rich quick" schemes are anathema to me personally, and I don't want to hear about them, so keep that junk to yourself if that is your thing.  MLMs and mega-corporations represent a skewered form of capitalism, built upon the theories of homosexual economist John Maynard Keynes, and we all see where his views have taken us - the whole Equifax credit score system is based on Keynesian principles that capital is relational to debt, and that theory is also disastrous.  So, now that we explained what capitalism is not, let's more properly explain it.

The true form of capitalism is based on a meritocratic premise that anyone who invests the effort can be successful, and although we don't have the right to wealth or success, we do have the right to aspire to success.  Private property and hard work are both Biblical principles that are the true legacy of Western civilization, and if someone wants to own their own house and have a way of generating income for themselves, then by all means they should go for that.  There is nothing wrong with striving for success, provided the success doesn't become an idol to the person.  And, success is different for each individual - what may be successful for one person may not be for someone else.  An Amish farmer, for instance, will have a success that looks relatively minor to a savvy investor, but both can still be successful.  Neither may become a billionaire, and I don't think that is the objective of either anyway.  But, if they reach their own benchmarks, then that is success.  The problem with Western society today is that many try to define success - we look at football players, actors, and politicians as icons of success, but are they really?  In his book Return to Order (York, PA: York Press, 2013) author John Horvat introduces a term to us called frenetic intemperance.  On page 355 of the book, Horvat defines this as "a restless, explosive, and relentless drive inside modern man that manifests itself in economy by 1) seeking to throw off legitimate restraints, and 2) gratifying disordered passions."  It puts me in mind of what Josef Pieper talks about in Leisure, the Basis of Culture when he talks about another term, acedia - a sadness in view of the divine good in man.  Essentially, the pursuit of that thing which becomes an idol produces a sort of spiritual sloth in man, and we lose the impetus of what true leisure is.  It is from acedia that frenetic intemperance emerges, and again goes back to what Fr. Alexander Schmemann defined secularism as "the absence of man as a worshipping being."  As I noted before though, it is not the idea of man not worshipping, but rather what man worships - is he worshipping God, or an inferior substitute such as corporate success?  Therefore, it is not actual capitalism - the pursuit of one's success - which is the actual issue, but rather a bastardization of capitalism in its more onerous form, corporatism.  Corporatism is a sin in that it is a sort of idolatry, but it also is an addiction - an addiction to power, and the need to control financial resources to obtain that power.  Mega-corporations are thus almost like a religious tradition now in themselves, a "tradition of man," and thus it is this which is antithetical to Church teaching, and not the mere pursuit of personal success through hard work.  And, that leads to another point. 

In time, overreaching corporatism leads to totalitarianism, in that mega-corporations can wield influence in the political realm.  Every totalitarian dictatorship of the last 100 years was put into power with powerful corporate backing in many cases - it is true of the Bolsheviks, the Italian Fascists, the Nazis, and even secularist Ba'athist regimes in the Middle East.  And it is true of many "progressives" in the US as well - think of how many millionaire celebrities and corporate bigwigs are promoting socialism - that seems weird, right?  I mean, why would a huge Hollywood celebrity campaign for a socialist like Bernie Sanders??  Yet, you see that all the time.  But, when you look at the fine print, the millionaire influencers and socialist radicals want the same thing - a society made over in their own image, thus a micromanaging totalitarianism that tells people what they can eat, where they can work, etc.  And, the war chest they have to fund that agenda is seemingly bottomless.  On the other hand, ask the average blue-collar worker what they want, and you hear this - less taxes, freedom to live their lives as they want, and in many cases they are also largely people of faith and moral standards too.  A whole other discussion alone could be initiated just on this, but you see where it is going - those who reject God and follow their own disordered passions will end up in the same place.  

Another thing of note was our group facilitator, who also happens to be the campus minister at our school.  He has a perspective that is colored by his experiences in El Salvador, and to be honest I do feel for the man on that, but at the same time he has resorted to defending Marxists there as well as dangerous gangs like MS-13 and he blames the US for violence against citizens there.  He is always using the word "justice" like a mantra, but today I took my parish priest's mandate to be a beacon of truth to heart and quickly made the following point:

1.  Faith without justice is legalism

2. Justice without faith is tyranny.

Again, it was the misguided pursuit of justice that led to perhaps some of the most murderous regimes of the last century - Lenin chanted the word in the Kremlin when he overthrew the Czar, Hitler was utilizing it during his 1923 Beer Hall Putsch, and Castro used it to overthrow Batista in Cuba in 1959.  And, also Mao - he did the same thing in 1948, and all of these individuals together are responsible for millions of innocent deaths, all committed in the name of "justice."  This is why "liberation theology" is a heresy, as it does two things. First, it tries to make faith a political statement.  Secondly, it ultimately diminishes faith in favor of something antithetical to the Gospel, and often what it supports is more oppressive than what it was against.  Justice that leads to tyranny is not true justice at all, as a just God is the author of true justice, and once he is removed from the equation, problems happen.   This is why, when examining this for myself, I noted some things that true justice stands for:

1. The dignity of every person as created in God's image.

2. A fair and ordered implementation that does not steal justice away from others to give it to "favored" groups (yes, this is what some radically militant "liberation theologies" do too).   Therefore, an ideology like socialism is legislated theft in that it steals from others in the name of "equality and inclusion." 

3. True justice will always be founded upon authentic faith - if it contradicts it or tries to reinterpret faith in any way, then it is a false man-centered justice. 

4.  True justice upholds law - so, in the case of illegal immigration, it is not true justice to harbor people who enter a nation illegally.  True justice provides a way for those truly seeking a better life to get it through legal means, and there are provisions for that. 

5. True justice has a moral basis - the whole LGBT platform is basically immoral, and true justice does not seek to legalize immorality.   Rather, we have a level of compassion for those struggling with that (and with anything else) by recognizing them as fellow human beings, but we never affirm their behavior or views, especially if they are in conflict with Church teaching or Scripture. 

Looking at it from that perspective, our campus minister is a sincere (and he is actually a nice guy with a sincere heart, and I personally like him) but seriously misguided soul when it comes to justice.  My own solidly Catholic convictions scream disagreement with some things I hear, and I am reminded of something that came to me today, and it is another reason why I take being a "beacon of truth" seriously.

In Mark 16:18, there is a somewhat controversial passage that some Biblical scholars have been debating over for decades.  The reason is that there are some people - in particular some Pentecostal congregations in my native Appalachia - that take these passages literally to the point they risk death by doing some extreme things.  Some of the things mentioned in this verse include a couple of things which are the focus of some of these groups - handling serpents and drinking "deadly things."  The little churches in the mountains in question take up rattlesnakes and drink things like battery acid and strychnine to demonstrate that they are "confirming the Word," and they really take that seriously!  However, let's also remember what the Church teaches us about hermeneutics (Biblical interpretation), and it is called the Four-Fold Hermeneutic of Scripture, which I teach my kids with the acronym LAMA:

Literal - deals with the plain text

Allegorical - deals with a belief about the text

Moral - deals with what a text challenges us to do

Anagogical - tells us where believing will take us.

While some Biblical passages can be one or more of these at once, this particular passage in Mark's Gospel is I believe something allegorical - the "drinking deadly things" is what I want to focus on here. 

Often, due to our work or other circumstances, we are compelled to work in environments where we have people with opposing views, some radically different than ours.  We are not there by choice, and some of the ideas these people have can be toxic.  So, when I read this verse in Mark's Gospel, I read it in that context - these opposing ideologies are the "deadly thing," and when you work in certain places, you are exposed to them on a daily basis.  It means you have to keep your faith alive, and rely on God's protection, and if we do so, he will help us to not be poisoned by toxic ideologies.  However, this requires something else - we have to have a constant renewal of our minds and spirits, and that is why we must participate in the sacramental life of the Church as well as engaging in a personal prayer regimen, and we also need the prayers of others as well.  The key piece of this is supernatural grace, which has the task of healing, elevating, and perfecting us on a daily basis.  Letting that grace inoculate us against toxic ideology is key, and it is a medicine to our weary souls.  The more of this grace we allow in us, the more resilient we will be.  To be a beacon of truth, we also need that extra strength, because we face a fallen world out there that can be hostile to us.  Any rate, that is the theological lesson in this.

In summary, Catholics require a more discerning spirit when it comes to the practical application of our faith, and I think we could benefit from a more orthodox understanding of it free of non-Christian religious influences and radical politics.  My role as a beacon of truth is to shine a light on this, as well as being a light to others.  May God give me the strength to help me to do that.

Thanks again for allowing me to share, and will see you next time. 

Return Reflections

 As I mentioned last time, earlier this week I was at a school-sponsored retreat for teachers at Jesuit schools, and it was in Madison, CT, at a retreat center called Mercy by the Sea.  Upon catching an Amtrak on Monday morning and arriving at around 1:30 in the afternoon, the retreat itself lasted until 12:30 PM on Wednesday, and then myself and a fellow colleague I work with here caught the Amtrak back in New Haven, CT.  I won't indulge details about the actual retreat itself, but rather want to focus on the entire experience, including the travel. 

This was my first visit to at least 3 states we traveled through - New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut.  It was also my first visit to several cities, including both Philadelphia and New York.   I wanted to say too that upon leaving Penn Station in downtown Baltimore in Monday morning at around 7 AM, the sun was just making its appearance.  As we went over a rail bridge at Havre de Grace, MD, I was able to capture a beautiful view of the sunrise on the upper Chesapeake Bay, and it looked like this:

It was a beautiful and peaceful sunrise, and the reflection over the water was breathtaking.  Often, our lives get so busy that we fail to take the time to just notice stuff like this, and thankfully a train seat helped to focus me on the sights I was seeing.   We have talked over and over at times, based on my reading of Bonaventure's and Aquinas's views on this as noted in Fr. Norris Clarke's The One and the Many, that Nature is the creation of God, and thus, as he said in Genesis, it is good.  And likewise, Nature is the unspoken other "book" of God (the first being Revelation) and thus it affirms his existence.  When seeing things like this, it is a reminder of that.  Now, even at the retreat there were some skewered notions of Nature that many more liberal/progressive-minded Catholics have, and it is more Eastern religion than it is authentic Catholic teaching.  I saw this in particular in the bookstore at the retreat center, where there were many books on "eco-spirituality," and they were not remotely orthodox.  "Eco-spirituality" is in reality New Age and not anything remotely Catholic.  While we can appreciate nature and also we should be wise stewards in taking care of it, at the same time we cannot lose focus of what is true and good, and "eco-spirituality" is a doctrine of demons that should never be promoted as Catholic.  So, what is this weird ideology?  Let's get into that briefly.

"Eco-spirituality" is a belief that the earth itself is sacred, and thus we draw God's "spirit" from the earth itself.  At the mildest, it is panentheistic at best, but outright animistic and pantheistic at worst.  It makes a fatal error in confusing God with his creation, and in doing so it can risk the nullification of core Christian theology.  I heard another manifestation of this when we had morning prayer on the beach at the retreat center, and the facilitator was talking about "thanking Mother Earth" which immediately sent up a red flag.  At a Catholic retreat, there is no place for the adoration of "Mother Earth," as that is outright paganism and pantheism at its worst.  We can thank God for the beauty of nature, but we have to remember that the earth itself is not a god, and should not be addressed as one - the earth is created matter, created by the one true God of the universe, and thus is not deferred to for worship.  I believe that many Catholics do stuff like this in ignorance, in that they try to either politicize their faith or they just haven't been properly catechized.  It sounds beautiful, and the sentiment is nice, but it is still clearly wrong and endangers our very souls when we focus on the creation instead of the Creator.  Therefore, yes, pick up the garbage that pollutes the earth, and try to be a wise steward of our world, but remember also that the world is a creation of an almighty God, and thus has no divinity in itself.  And, it is a fallen world too, which although retaining some beauty is also corrupted by the arrival of sin and death after the events of Genesis 3.  Any rate, that was my sermon/reflection on this. 

As mentioned also, this was my first visit to New York City, and I captured the photo above on the train as we were leaving Penn Station in downtown Manhattan.  It was evening, and as the sun was setting it caught the great towers and buildings of downtown Manhattan (this picture only shows a part of it, as there is much more).  We have all seen pictures of New York, and while we know there are tall skyscrapers there, you don't really appreciate the immensity of this city until you see it yourself, and it is huge!  Visiting there means I have been to the three largest cities in the US - I have been to Chicago twice and Los Angeles twice.  When I visited Chicago, I also saw an immense urban sprawl on Lake Michigan, but after seeing New York this week, Chicago pales in comparison.  On the ride up, for instance, despite some haziness I got a view of the whole city as we were going through the Bronx, and that picture more than this one demonstrates how vast the city really is.  Then, of course, while in Manhattan at Union Station as I was awaiting my New Haven transfer, I got to sample actual New York pizza - it was as good as people say.  And it made for a filling lunch on what was a lot of travel.  Seeing a new part of the country was nice, and no doubt I will be back at some point. 

The retreat center itself was located in a very rural part of Connecticut near the town of Madison.  Called Mercy by the Sea, it is a Catholic retreat center on a very picturesque parcel of beachfront property.   Here are a couple of pictures of it to show you:

The middle picture was our actual lodging, and it was quite peaceful.  Each of us who stayed there had our own private quarters including a private bathroom, and it was lovely - the room I stayed in was bigger than the master bedroom at my house in all honesty.  The grounds were nice to walk and take in, but there were some concerns about the facility overall - it had a lot of New Agey stuff there too, including the laberynth "prayer" mazes and some bizarre items like sage bundles (a co-op from American Indian religion adapted by New Agers that entails lighting a bundle of sage and then "cleansing the aura" with the smoke) and lots of crystals.  The only remotely Catholic books in the gift shop included an array of books authored by Tielhard de Chardin, Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, and Richard McBrien, all of whom have questionable practices in regard to what they identify as "Catholic," so that was concerning.  However, I am reminded of the passage in Mark 16, that if a believer drinks any "deadly thing" it will not harm them.  While some of my serpent-handling friends take that literally in that they quasi-sacramentally ingest strychnine and other toxic substances, the actual meaning of that verse is allegorical - it means that if we are in an environment where weird ideologies and non-Christian influences are around, our faith will protect us if we keep ourselves receptive to the supernatural grace God gives us.  So, thankfully, I emerged from that place unscathed.  It often does amaze me though that this toxic spirituality of New Ageism and its variants shows up in the most beautiful places - but then again, based on the ecological focus of some pantheistic beliefs, it kind of makes sense when you think about it.  This is why we must begin reclaiming some of this back from the pagans, and start teaching the right way to respect and care for the natural world around us.  Only in doing so can we have a vibrant Catholicism that is Christ-centered rather than creation-centered. 

There is honestly not a lot I remember about the retreat sessions themselves - I know one of the activities was to create a personal mission statement, and mine was sort of like this - communicating an unchanging faith to a changing world, and creating an educational experience that is academically excellent and passionately Catholic.  I got that from Steubenville, as that is their motto that I incorporated into my own mission statement.  I also tended to move away from the whole Jesuit focus and adopted a more Dominican one, which includes these four pillars of spirituality:

1. Prayer

2. Study

3. Community

4. Vocation

To add a Templar dimension to that, it means also that we are warriors for truth in a world of error, and as such we remember our own "armor of God" taught to us in Ephesians, but we also look to the Captain of the Heavenly Host, St. Michael the Archangel, to defend us in battle and defeat the forces of wickness - that is the essence of Pope St. Leo XIII's prayer to St. Michael.  The other part of the retreat focused on the "I/We" dynamic, and there was sound wisdom in that - if the "I" is where it needs to be, then it creates a productive impact on the "We."  The "I" in this case is the first person reference to self, while the "we" that is directly impacted by our vocation is our students.  So, that was good, and it falls into the four pillars analogy in that two pillars - prayer and study - focus on ourselves, while the other two - community and vocation - focus on those we are called to serve (our students).  I am practicing this now because nine chances out of ten our campus minister here at the school, Mr. Parr, may call on me to share that so I will be ready.  

The takeaway from the retreat was this - you apply what you can use, and throw away the rest.  It is like eating a Waffle House ribeye at times, in that you may have to spit out a lot of gristle in order to get to some good meat, but it's in there somewhere.  And, that is what I intend to do - the challenge is making it fit to apply it, but it can be done, I am certain of that. 

That concludes just a few brief notes on my experience, so thank you for allowing me to share.  See you next visit!