I have had some time to ponder things about my life, and although this may overlap slightly with my spiritual perspectives, it is still important. I imagine that many of you reading this have from time to time wondered about if your life could have taken a different course, what would you have done differently? As I have been researching my own roots and writing down my life's story over the past few years, I have likewise thought about that. There are so many things I could have done differently, but due to youthful bliss (or stupidity, depending on perspective) I didn't, and in some ways I believe I am where I am today because of it, for better or for worse. For instance, I recall the very place where I made some decisions that brought me to this place now, and I really wished I would have taken a different approach back then! However, it is a fact of human existence that our choices do have consequences, and inevitably we will at some point "miss it," and make an incorrect decision. I have thought about where I have done this - granted, it was nothing I would say was disastrous or anything mind you, but it significantly redefined my directions a little nonetheless - and as I have done so, a couple of things were revealed to me about that which I am going to share now here.
The first lesson here is obviously we will occasionally make an incorrect decision, and with that we may lose out on something better. In my own case, it was a decision about transferring to another school and not staying where I was mainly because I got a combination of bad counsel from some people I looked up to and also my own youthful stupidity. Back 20 years ago, I was enrolled at a small college in a town called Graceville, FL, in the panhandle of the state. The school was a small Baptist college, and for most of the time I was pretty secure there because it was where I needed to be. However, in February of 1990, not long after I made the decision to leave the Baptists and affilliate with a Pentecostal church, I contemplated joining a Pentecostal denomination called the Foursquare Church and eventually did so due to the fact one of my ministry mentors, Dr. Jack Hayford, was a leading figure in that particular denomination. I got myself involved with this small church in Alabama, and to make a long story short, it was a big mistake doing so! Now, to this day I still keep in touch with a number of people who were at one time part of that particular congregation (including the pastor back then, who is now retired - the church has long since disbanded though) and I am close with a number of them. That being said, my decision to go there cannot be blamed upon the church people or the pastoral leadership - it was totally my decision. However, a few not-so-good experiences happened, I got some bad counsel, and upon acting on that counsel I made a fateful decision in 1991 to attend the Foursquare college in California, and therefore I dropped out of the school in Graceville and headed west, arriving there on New Years Day of 1992. That plan ended up failing miserably, and within a month I was back in Dothan, AL, and for all intents not able to find a place to live or anything. It also caused my then-fiancee and I to marry almost out of necessity and too soon (the marriage has been great though, as we have celebrated 20 years recently) and I had to find a way to continue my education fast - and, that is how I ended up graduating from Southeastern University. And, it was a rough road, probably much rougher than it should have been, although everything eventually settled and my life found its groove. However, upon looking back on the whole thing, I now know that the original plan I was supposed to have followeed would have been to finish school in Graceville, gotten married a couple of years later than we did, and then life would have been a little more stable for us - not without challenges obviously, but stable. Also, my choice of church at the time should have been different - on occasion while in Graceville, I did attend services at the First Assembly of God there, which was back in the day an excellent church that I always felt at home visiting. Ironically, it was their pastor who officiated at our wedding too! And, although an incorrect decision may not totally derail you and you do find yourself back on the path you are supposed to be on, it is much better when you are more in tune with where you are supposed to be in the first place and stay on the original course. It took a number of years to recuperate from those decisions, and recently we finally got the message as to where we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to do, and it is good to be back on track again!
Second, through all the above, another dimension was realized that it took me a while to learn but is a valuable lesson - if we are people of faith (Christians) we need to have a total dependance, surrender, and trust in God and His direction for us, as we are imperfect and can screw things up if we are not careful. I know this is probably something more suitable for my Sacramental Present Truths page, but I am sharing it here for a reason too mainly because it is a part of my personal life story, which is what the articles on this site reflect as well. I have learned some valuable lessons in the past few years in regard to that, and here are some of them:
1. It takes good discernment to hear God's voice, and discernment may take time to develop when it comes to yourself.
2. God wants us to surrender our will to his, and trust him to lead us in the right direction.
3. Although we may make a wrong decision, God always prepares a detour for us to get back on course, and may use alternative things to get us there too.
4. We can learn from mistakes, and indeed should, but we should never wallow in regret over them.
These are important lessons that at times may seem like they come too late, but that enters another thing - God's timing. I am the most impatient person in the world, and am not too proud to admit it. And, that being the case, when I have gone through some issues in the past, I have often gotten very frustrated with God's timing (at one point, the mention of that phrase even became a cussword to me). However, although things may seem to be caving in over our heads, God's timing is always perfect, but that is where the tough part is - it takes literally every fiber of our being sometimes to trust in God with a situation like that, and I am well aware of that, believe me! Over the years, I have had fights with God, and at times have told him off (I always come back with my tail between my legs though) and the wait is at times worse than the actual situation! This is especially true when you are waiting to get that right job, and you need it yesterday because things are past due and you are getting threats from the landlady, your car people, etc. Yet, that call for the job doesn't come, day after day - the silence is deafening. Then, to complicate the scenario, your phone gets disconnected and any job chance you may have had just got flushed down the crapper. You stand on promises day and night, you rebuke and bind oppressing spirits...every trick in the book, you try, but the heavens seem too silent. Then, one day, you get this peace - it is as if you know things will work out, although you haven't seen anything, and a couple of weeks later - voila! - that call for the best job you ever had comes out of the blue, and then it all comes together! Lest you haven't guessed, I have been there before too - and, it isn't a place I want to revisit again, that is for sure! Weathering the storm is often the hardest part of the storm, but that is 90% of the battle. Also, a lot of it is in our own heads too - there is a reason why in Ephesians 6 we are to have the helmet of salvation upon us, because a lot of the attack we face does come through the gates of the ears, eyes, and other senses and sets up shop in the courtyard (our minds) and can eventually invade the sanctuary (our hearts). Although in recent years I don't really advocate anyone dealing with Joyce Meyer, many years back she did write an excellent book called Battlefield of the Mind (Tulsa, OK: Harrison House, 1995) that I still rely on as a study aid today due to its solid content. One thing she says in this book about that very issue that stood out to me was this:
Thinking about what you're thinking about is very valuable because Satan usually deceives people into thinking that the source of our misery and trouble is something other than what it really is. He wants them to think they are unhappy due to what is going on around them (their circumstances), but the misery is actually due to what is going on inside them (their thoughts). (Meyer, 64)
Reading that, I realized that this has nothing to do with "claiming" anything, but rather taking the apparent "lemon" we are encountering and turning it into lemonade. If we dwell on the levity of a situation, it can mess with our heads and make us worse off than what the situation actually is, and it is also where we risk doing something dumb because we want to do God's job and fix things ourselves, thus creating a bigger mess. For instance, there are some people who, in their financial desperation, turn to things like these online cash advances (I never did, because to be honest reading those pages for those things gives me a headache) and then end up in a worse mess later than they were in before. Some people I have heard have even taken out twenty of those things at once, creating thousands of dollars of unnecessary debt (they would be good candidates for President, based on the performance of our current leader in that regard!) and digging themselves a deeper hole than before. All of this comes from putting unnecessary obsessive energy into the problem itself and more or less giving that problem more worship than we give God - that, people, is a sin, and that sin is idolatry! Lest you differ, think about the priority you give your problems versus the time you spend in Bible study or prayers, and think about what gets neglected as well - your other responsibilities, your family, etc. And, that leads to the next important life lesson I have learned.
If you are put in a situation where you are unemployed, incapacitated, or otherwise inhibited, it is a good idea to focus on some stuff to keep that obsession from controlling your life. Of course, it should be taken as a time to maybe build upon your relationship with God - you have the time to spend in meaningful devotional practices, so take advantage of that! Additionally, there are all those projects you have been unable to touch for maybe years, so channel some of that energy into those - things such as genealogy, cooking, a building project, etc., will make your life more meaningful when threats of unemployment or physical disability are there. Granted, if your financial situation is affected, you may have limits, but that is where you use the brain God gave you for good - use what you have! You will find that if you keep yourself busy and fulfilled, you are more at peace and God will have the freedom to work behind the scenes to help your situation better.
There are two things also you need to seek for during a trial like that, as they are the root answer to your prayers for provision. They are as follows:
1. Restoration
2. Stabilization
Maybe not necessarily in that order, but these two things are what we all strive for, and they are not usually going to be instantaneous. However, they are in God's will - God is in the restoration business, as that is what salvation is all about remember! And, through restoration comes stability in all areas of life. You can, and should, pray for those things, and also for a season of protection against the enemy's attacks, especially if you are still healing up. And, although they may not happen overnight, God's promises in His Book are true, and we need to definitely stand on those and believe for them - one promise is Phillipians 4:19 - God supplying our needs according to His riches in glory. This is not "blab and grab" theology, but we definitely do need to trust in God's provision, and He will do what He said He would do, but that doesn't include "greeds!" For instance, if you need transportation, God is not going to necessarily give you a Beemer in your driveway - instead, He may open the door for you, as He did for us a few years back, to get a reliable, affordable vehicle to get you where you need to go. These TBN preachers really tick me off to that regard because they often spout such nonsense as "God wants us all to prosper," which of course He does, but the twist in their interpretation that makes this into a heresy is that apparently they feel it necessary to tell people that we are all meant to be millionaires or something - hogwash!! First of all, if that were true, then why aren't the parking lots of their megachurches filled with BMW's and Rolls Royces?? Secondly, how many of us actually need a million bucks, seriously?? I know a lot of us would like a million or two in our bank accounts, but I think the majority of us could manage without it. When God says He will supply our needs, He does that for us - sometimes it may take a little time to do it, but He will come through. He knows, for instance, you need income to pay your bills, and that you need the roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back, and other necessities, and He will take care of that. I cannot tell you how many times in the past when, at the most vulnerable time, God has sent people into our path who have given us a little cash to meet a pressing need when we were lacking, and at one point in time I remember even getting a check from a church in California I didn't know from Adam that provided an electric bill payment when we were short back during my college years.
That just goes to show that if you take into account what I have said, God then has the liberty to work in your situation. I have often found too that when pressed with a situation, once I stop obsessing over it and get on with life, God works it out somehow. And, as Acts 10 says, He is no respector of persons, so we are all eligible for that grace and heir to those promises. So much more could be said on this subject, and believe me, I have many stories that shaped the words you have just read that I could share in detail if time permitted. However, you have your own situations in life too that likewise you could relate, and who's to say some of you haven't already figured this out! Any rate, this was not meant to be a Bible teaching or anything like that, but rather a testimonial of my own experience, although definitely it is the abridged version. My hope is that it can help someone reading it to be encouraged that God is still sovereign, He does still provide, and His promises are meant for all who trust in them. God bless until next time.
