Talking to Myself

Over the past several years I have been able to be very self-expressive via blogging, keeping a personal journal, and other pursuits.  At the root of all of that though is where the seed of inspiration is germinated in the first place, and it is something that the greater society has stereotyped as being a hallmark of insanity, but thankfully recent studies have shown that it is actually a therapeutic practice and may even be a mark of genius.  What I refer to is what is often called, in politically-correct language (and one term of this mindset I actually agree with!) "self-directed speech."  For the average person on the street, this translates as talking to yourself.  Although past stigmas of this still linger, I have actually been "guilty" of doing this since the earliest days of my childhood, and I wanted to just talk a little about it.

When I was a kid, I was often misunderstood and even ignored at times by even my own family - I had disinterested parents, and when I got really excited about something it was often shrugged off by my mother, who at the time was more interested in drinking beer and sitting around in her sock feet listening to depressing country music while doing little else.  Some of the pursuits I had as well often would fly over the heads of my friends, and therefore there was little I could relate to them about either.  Even today, I find myself somewhat guarded when even sharing with my wife about things, as years of being just sort of dismissed by most people have kind of instilled in me a filter which regulates what I share and what I keep to myself.  However, at times, I have an inspiration about something that just thinking about it doesn't cut, and the disinterest of others about it is sort of insulting to me on some level - to share with people who don't appreciate something as you do is like the proverbial casting of pearls before swine, and I have learned it is better to be judicious about what one shares.  Therefore, much of that inspiration remains between me and God - thankfully, He always listens, and it was He who gifted us with the imagination and passion to appreciate certain things as individuals.  That makes something of that nature more priceless, and it therefore becomes sacrosanct to one as an individual.  However, merely meditating on something like that is often insufficient, as the mind can easily forget those flashes of inspiration unless you capture them in some way, and such insights need an outlet for expression.  And, that is why over the years I became a master of self-directed speech.

In order to vocalize my thoughts, I have to have time to myself and the inspiration to really hash out the ideas, and at times that is hard to do.  As a kid, my mother often didn't work, and it was as if she was always just there, and she was like a bad wart that would not go away many times.  So, often I would just go out into the woods near the house trekking around, or I would fish in the creek, and while doing that I was at peace with just birds and bees flying around, and birds and bees tend to be good company.  At those times, I could vocalize things I had been thinking about, and it actually felt good to do that.  In my adult years, I also learned the value of journaling for the same purposes, and both of these have been tremendously helpful.  My journal entries, as a matter of fact, are often "talked out" as I write them, and being able to channel my thoughts into a pen has been something that focused me to articulate better.  Even with journaling though, it is still just a great release to self-direct conversation in such a way as to really get perspective on an issue.  For instance, if I face a problem or issue that needs resolution, a couple of hours alone "in conference" with myself often helps me sort out what I need to do, and I can then formulate a plan (one the formulation is done, it often becomes an entry in my personal journal as well).  Also, if I have to prepare a Sunday School lesson, it often helps to have that "invisible audience" to rehearse it, and that way I can teach it better because I have talked it out beforehand (many of those insights end up on my Sacramental Present Truths blog page as well as in a journal entry).  Over the years too, especially in my Christian faith and as far as living that out is concerned, many of those former self-directed conversations are now directed to God as a form of prayer, and this "conversational meditation" has also helped and enhanced my spiritual life.  I am not one to say that God is just my "good buddy" or anything like that, but being able to actually converse with Him as a person rather than as a mere abstraction has also helped me in so many ways.  For one thing, it has shown me that I don't have to be dismissed or ignored, and that God is always there to listen even when my family or friends are not.  Needless to say, in recent years much of what would have been seen earlier as "talking to myself" now has a directed emphasis to someone else, and I cannot say that I "talk to myself" that much anymore.  At times, it is almost instinctive too - I will be vocalizing a number of things, and I catch myself addressing God as I talk like I would any person I am having a conversation with - I will say something like "Lord, here is what I would like to see," etc.  It is not petitioning God for something either, but rather just sharing what is on my mind and heart with someone who does listen.  Understanding devotional life in that way is revolutionary, and now I can understand why in Genesis too Abraham was often called "the friend of God."   That would be a whole teaching in itself for my Sacramental Present Truths blog page, and I may explore that more later!

In preparing to write this, I did a little research about self-directed speech, and came across a couple of resources that I want to briefly comment on.  The first is an article which was published in The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, and it was authored by two professors, Drs. Gary Lupyan and Daniel Swingley.  That article, entitled "Self-Directed Speech Affects Visual Search Performance," was published in 2011.  Although most of the article has to do with case studies based on research conducted, what is of interest is the conclusions Lupyan and Swingley drew from their research, and they can be summarized as follows:

1.  Self-directed speech affects only the cognitive process of selecting the target, not the visual process of recognizing it -  This makes perfect sense in that of course the cognitive process is affected, because as I just noted from my own experience, self-directed speech helps one "hash out" details and doesn't just merely record the obvious.

2. Self-directed speech helps subjects to remember what they are searching for - This also makes perfect sense in that vocalizing an idea helps to reinforce it and also to understand details.  When I am doing this, sometimes I have to go over things a couple of times, but then they get into my mind and I have them.

3.  Self-directed speech helps via word-to-word matching - Another valid point, in that "connecting the dots" does aid in seeing the "bigger picture."

(Article referenced:  Gary Lupyan and Daniel Swingley {2011}: "Self-Directed Speech Affects Visual Search Performance," in The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, DOI:10.1080/17470218.2011.647039.  http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/17470218.2011.647039 {Accessed 11/23/2016} pp. 14-15)

Another writer, Shad Helmstetter, wrote in his 1982 book What to Say When You Talk to Yourself (New York:  Pocket Books, 1982) that there are some "do's" and "don'ts" to self-talk to take into consideration, and he provides a list of those starting on page 238:

1.  Always state your self-talk in the present tense:  Now, to be fair, this is not always possible especially when those moments involve a degree of retrospection and reflection.  However, when addressing a problem or something, it does pay to be "in the moment."

2.  Be specific and state details, covering every possible facet of the problem or goal:  This is actually very integral to productive thought on any level, and also works well in journaling as well.

3.  Always add self-talk that directs you to achieve your objectives in a healthy and beneficial way:  In other words, take the time to think through and "talk out" what's on your mind.

4.  State your thoughts in simple language that is easy to recall:  In other words, when talking to yourself you don't have to impress anyone, so speak like a real person and be yourself!

5.  If talking about dreams, fantasies, or related things, at least make sure such ideas are attainable and are on solid ground.  A good point I see Helmstetter is making here is to start with baby steps, and then progress.

6.  Self-talk involves honesty.  There are two people in this world that you cannot deceive, one being yourself and the other being God Almighty.  Therefore, deception is not necessary and honesty should be easier.  If there is room for improvement, then a plan to do so can be worked out if the problem is dealt with honestly.  However, the problem with the self is that often we can be our own worst critics too, and we can be unduly harder on ourselves than people are with us.  That is something to keep in perspective as well.

7.  Our own self-talk should bring out the best in us, and to set personal challenges to overcome odds and understand the potential God gave each of us.  If we do that, we may surprise ourselves!

Another thing Helmstetter talks about which I used to do is taping these thoughts as I talked them out.  Back some years ago, Barbara got me a micro-cassette recorder for a birthday present and I began a sort of "audio journal" project.  Problem is, I never followed through with it, although I probably should have. I would add to Helmstetter's proposal that journaling is another way of documenting these personal monologues, although taping is definitely a good idea as well.  With the ready technology of "smart phones" and other devices, you can even video yourself now.  Although Helmstetter recommends sharing such recordings with a trusted friend, I would have to say that I would be very cautious about that even, and make sure that the person you do choose to share these intimate insights with is someone you can really trust, or otherwise you will be at risk of being either ignored or rejected, or a deceptive person could use your words against you and you may find your voice plastered all over YouTube or Facebook.  A written journal is a lot more secure than recordings, and I would personally recommend that.  However, a good thing about 21st-century technology is programs such as Dragon, which will actually transcribe what you say into a print form, and this way you can actually capture thoughts you might otherwise lose if you are writing a journal.

In short, "self-directed speech" is actually not a bad thing, and to a degree we all do it, although some are ashamed to admit it.  The shame is entailed in the stigma of associating talking to oneself with insanity, which is both unfair and not exactly the case.  Self-talk is actually an attribute of creativity, and a person who can articulate complex thoughts and is comfortable with doing so also has a view of the world which is more well-rounded and expressive.  Rather than stigmatizing self-talk as a characteristic of insanity, perhaps it would be beneficial to society as a whole if more people would come to terms with it and embrace it.  I know I have, and with many years of creative writing to my credit, I probably would have had far less inspiration and far less written material had I not engaged in self-talk.

So, yes, I do talk to myself, and I am not ashamed to admit it.  For those who want to stereotype and hate on me due to that fact, all I can say to such people is this - my gain is your loss!  For others who may have struggled with the stigma attached to self-talk yet who find fulfillment doing so, it is time you embrace what you do as a gift rather than a curse.  If you are really uncomfortable with it, I suggest that maybe you also do what I do on occasion, and allow yourself to accept the fact that God exists, is real, is omniscient, and always has a listening ear.  Either way, you may find that self-directed speech is a healthy outlet, and maybe can channel some of those dreams and ideas you had into practical reality as you can now hash out how to make them happen.  So long until next time.