New Chapters and What Hinders

 I had an odd dream last night I want to discuss to preface today's thought.  In the dream, I had to spend three days in what was essentially a detention center.   I was assigned to a bunk in a large room, and other bunks in it were partitioned off with plexiglass.  When I went to settle down in my bunk to sleep, I was told by someone to keep my cellphone (which for some reason I was allowed to have) in a secure place, as people could steal it while I slept.  The phone was, interesting enough, on my wrist.  So, if I recall correctly the dream, I removed the phone and slipped it into a pocket. While not necessarily a bad dream, it is not the most amicable situation to be detained somewhere, and that dream represented some things for me.  When I looked up the symbolism of that, I noticed several things coming to view:

1. Feeling trapped or restricted by a particular situation.

2. Some unresolved guilt.

3. A perceived loss of freedom through circumstance.

4. Anxieties about being judged.

5. Self-imposed limitations.

6. Inner factors that may be hindering or restricting progress in life.

It is no small secret that I especially can relate to the first one over the past few months.  After having a move that was beyond our control, I had to relocate to a whole new city, and begin to rebuild a life I once had and was used to.  It has had challenges, and in all honesty the place I live now is not my ideal. However, on the positive, I am working in a job that is an actual vocation now, and I am making the best income I have in ages, so that is a nice benefit.  And, the income I am provided has helped with some rebuilding (although I still have work to do yet).  In casual conversation with Barbara yesterday, she reminded me that I am where I am by design, and I am destined to be there a while.  But, naturally, I have questions as it is a bit to take in.  And, that is why I am talking about this today. 

Hindrances are a pain in the backside but they are also a fact of life.  And, I feel some now, several as a matter of fact.  When one starts over in life, you have things to face, things to overcome, and things to achieve, and all of that is where I am at right now personally.  The prison dream last night symbolizes the limitations I am facing, but also the fact that they are temporary and won't be forever.  Even now, I am at a point where I can think about something I only dreamed about in years previous - owning my own home.  I have a decent income, a decent credit rating, and also I have a couple of areas of prime interest to me that I can consider buying properties.  However, that too is a process, and I won't get a home overnight.  But I can begin the process of moving toward the goal.  And, that is where overcoming some limitations - especially that of my own impatience at times - comes in handy.  

I have talked a lot in the past months about the new chapter I am coming into in life, and at this point if it were a literal book I would still be in the middle of the opening paragraph of it.  I am in what is called a sort of transitional/recovery phase, as the previous years were a bit challenging and I am in this place due to things that happened then.  Some of what happened was due to my own lack of planning and mistakes, while other aspects of it were things beyond my control.  But, I am at this place now.  And, as I have learned, what happens in life is not an accident, although there are times we miss a turn and have to go on a detour to get back on track again.  I have heard it said that when you think life is falling apart, in reality it is God making everything fall into place.  That is perhaps the mentality I should have as I navigate through a lot right now. 

Entering into a new chapter can be a scary thing, and what has happened in my life just over the past 11 months has been a paradigm shift in life for me - the life I had before, a life I had settled into over a period of about 32 years - has changed.  In the process I lost a lot, and I have had to adjust to a different standard of life for the interim that I was not expecting.  But, I survived it, and as the dust begins to settle I will begin to see things fall into place.  My late spiritual mentor and friend, Fr. Eusebius Stephanou, was once fond of saying in both his writings and his messages that "Man's disappointments are God's appointments."  He may have been onto something.  The last time I went through a radical shift like this was 33 years ago, and it took a little over a year to get back on track again but I eventually did.  The difference this time is that I have a lot more thankfully to work with, and it is making the process a lot more smoother than I had anticipated.  Being older when facing things tends to make one think more rationally, and I would have to say I am handling this better at 55 now than I would have at 20.  So, I want to review myself now a bit to just share what has fundamentally changed in the past year.

From roughly 1998 up to 2020, I worked in the corporate world, and to be honest while the jobs I had did create a level of predictability and security, they were just that, jobs. Prior to 1998, most of my work was limited to landscaping at first, then moving up to restaurant prep cook work, and then to working as a security officer - jobs like that got me through my undergraduate tenure in college in all honesty.  I supplemented those types of jobs then with being an itinerant minister for the Pentecostal denomination I was part of, and although I never got rich from doing that, it was fulfilling.  Then, after almost 8 months of no work in early 1998, I finally got an office job, and I did office work as an administrative professional for the better of 32 years until COVID-19 happened and I was laid off from the last position like that I worked, which entailed data entry at a large bank in Frederick, MD.  In the ensuing years, up until the end of 2024, I was doing two things - pursuing my doctorate, and also finally able to use the paralegal certificate I had earned earlier in 2006 by performing as a freelance virtual paralegal for a budding company.  Once I earned the doctorate though, I felt a career change was afoot, and only three months after earning that I ended up in my first full-time teaching position, which is where I am at now.  For once, I feel like I am in a vocation instead of a job, and while it has its share of stress (especially last year - my goodness!) it also has a lot of wonderful rewards too.  My new vocation as a full-time teacher is an integral part of this new chapter I am settling into, and I have a feeling it will be a major part of my story from this point. 

I have come a long way from when I earned my first official paycheck working alongside my dad in the maintenance department of the Holiday Inn on Jekyll Island, GA, back when I was only 19 years old and fresh out of high school.  That is almost 40 years ago now, as since then I went through a variety of positions rising up the occupational ladder.  I earned my first chef's certificate in 1992, thanks in part to a free program in the state of Alabama called JTPA, and later I would acquire a class-D security license three years later while working for a large Florida megachurch.  11 years after that, I completed a paralegal studies course by correspondence and earned a certificate in that as well, although it would be many years (13 to be exact) before I could use it.  And, in the midst of the 36 years between earning my high school diploma until now, I completed a complete college education with three degrees - a BA, an MA, and a Ph.D.  Every aspect of my life was ordered in those steps one way or another, and completing all those opened the door to the next chapter in life, where I am at now.  I have some feelings to share about that, so let me do so.

The journey of life is for a reason, and just like a literal book it has chapters we live out.  You know you are at the end of a chapter when it seems like all of a sudden there is a disconnect between your previous life and what you are entering into now.  Some things cannot be done the same way anymore, and there are adjustments to make.  Those are the opening sentences of a new chapter in one's life, and they are not always easy.  The old phrase "new levels, new devils" applies in that with every milestone one faces a new set of different challenges, some of which perhaps they had never encountered before. And, that can be scary.  However, the feeling of overcoming a challenge is also something that defies description too, and it is a good feeling that is similar to when a firefighter successfully puts out a five-alarm fire - you may feel exhausted, but now you can rest easier knowing that hurdle has been overcome.  I know all these feelings well, because I have went through them very recently in all honesty, and it can be a lot to digest.  However, as I have also noted before, often in retrospect you see how it all fits together - it may be a bit murky now, but in the long run it makes sense.  Let that encourage those going through these sort of chapter-like transitions today.

Thanks again for allowing me to share, and will see you next time.