Thoughts on Discernment

 School retreats are a fact of life when one teaches at a Catholic high school like I do, and at our school each of our grade levels has their own retreat.  The 11th-graders I teach had theirs this past Tuesday, after it was rescheduled from its original December date due to weather.  The retreat was held at the O'Dwyer Center, which is the official archdiocesan retreat facility in Baltimore.  It is a beautiful facility, and this is the second retreat I have been to there.  At the beginning of the year, the local Jesuit schools coordinator, a young and idealistic man named Mark, led the retreat, and to be honest it was a pleasant surprise.  Let me explain.

Many of these school retreats are frankly not anything to write home about - the main talks are often motivational speeches that no one remembers, least of all the students it's supposed to impact.  However this year was different.  Mark did the opening presentation on a topic entitled "Crossroads of Faith: Leaning on God in Big Decisions."  The idea he was communicating was about discernment, and he noted it entails two things: 

1. Noticing the movements within one's own heart and soul (desires, emotions, thoughts, daydreams, etc.)

2. Identifying their source, and where they are leading us to (the anagogical dimension, to use a theological term I added).

Using a brief biographical example of St. Ignatius of Loyola (founder of the Jesuit order), Mark noted that St. Ignatius learned several things over his own spiritual pilgrimage:

1. God is speaking to you (the Creator speaking directly to his creature)

2. Our imagination is one of the most powerful tools God gave us.

3. We can trust the movements of our heart to give us insights into the movements of God (I had a bit of difference with this I will get into momentarily, but I see where he is coming from with this)

4. You can only discern the decision in front of you - God has figured out the rest 

I noted that Mark did sort of have #3 covered with the next part of the presentation, in which he noted that discernment is key - the movements of our heart also must be understood in the context that we are also concupiscent beings, and Satan can be deceptive with us.  That is why in Ephesians 6, the helmet of our salvation is important, because as St. Ephrem (Mor Afrem in Syriac) and others taught, the eye can be seen as key to the soul and thus we need to be careful what we entertain, because the mind is the foyer to the heart in a manner of speaking, and the eye is like a major entrance to it.   Mark noted that that Ignatian Examen prayer could be used as a tool to discern spirits, and it can be for sure if it is prayed in the original spirit St. Ignatius intended.  But, there are other tools too - Pope St. Leo's St. Michael Prayer is one of those, as is the Lord's Prayer itself - as Guardini taught in his classic text on the Lord's Prayer, the gateway petition to the whole thing is four words - "Thy will be done."  Part of the discernment process not covered in the presentation but I believe Mark would probably find agreement is that we need to discern if something is God's will or not, and as he noted later in the presentation, this can get complicated - we may be faced with a crossroads of two "goods," and to discern what is God's will, we must ask questions.  Some good ones Mark noted from his gleanings of Ignatian prayer practice are noted below:

1. Is this a source of joy?

2. Does this path tap into talents and gifts you have been given, using them in the fullest way possible?

3. Is the chosen role a genuine service to those around you, and is it transformational to the community at large?

These are very good questions, and this got my attention, and I wanted to share that with you now.  Mark's primary audience was to the students at the retreat, but God's ways are often not our ways - this speech had a prophetic dimension to it that also resonated with many teachers, myself included.  Up to this point, I have been largely summarizing Mark's notes, which he was very happy to share with me when I requested them and I appreciated his generosity with that and he deserves credit for the skeleton upon which I will now add my sinews.  So, as he was talking, a few things were going through my own mind.  One was "wow - it is like he is talking to me!"  Another was "this is good information - how can I use this?"  And, this led me to a couple of interesting observations.

We often - both Catholics as well as our Evangelical Protestant brethren tend to do this - tend to be so overly altruistic about our personal needs that often we rob ourselves.  We think that if we focus on ourselves and what we actually need, it somehow will look selfish, prideful, or make us arrogant or something.  In reality though, we all struggle with things - we often think we have to settle for less than what we do actually deserve because we wrongly assume "it's God's will," and we consider an adverse circumstance as either a learning experience at best or "sharing in Christ's sufferings" at worst.  But, is it really??  Do we truly need to sacrifice our own joy and fulfillment just to "stay humble," or is this actually humility?  Due to the fact that we do live in an imperfect world, we have certain needs - material, psychological, spiritual, etc. - and those needs require some sort of fulfillment for us to function as productive human beings.  Also, often our own misery - whether self-imposed or forced upon us by circumstance - will actually make us unpleasant, and any creativity, talent, or anything else will be buried under the facade of "just existing" to earn a paycheck or whatever.  I have come to believe that although yes, trials do happen, many trials are temporary and they will challenge us to rise to the occasion to see what we are made of.  They are not meant to be permanent patterns of life, and there are too many people in our society - including many devout Christians - who are discontented, and it is not a sin to feel that way.  We feel deep within us that there is something more than the petty existence we live in, but we don't know what to do about it because unfortunately we live in a society that is built on a humanistic secularism bankrolled by Keynesian corporatism, and it tells us that money is the answer to all our problems, even if it makes us miserable making it.  That is acedia, and many writers from Josef Pieper to the Brazilian Catholic thinker Plineo Correa de Oliviera, have spoken out against it.  And, what they say about it is a consensual view - it is sinful.   It is also idolatrous, as it enslaves us to things we don't need to be enslaved to.  That is why discernment is important, and as Mark actually said - and it was brilliant! - in the retreat, you don't need to be where you don't feel a joy or a purpose being.  I myself have been feeling a growing discontent for some time, and lately this has been the inner voice speaking to me too, and Mark just was used by God to confirm that.  I have some decisions to make, and some guidance to seek myself, and will share more about that later.  But, sufficive to say, I needed this insight Mark shared at the retreat, and thanks be to God for using him. 

I now quote from another Mark, this one being a well-known Pentecostal minister and life coach named Mark Chironna.  Some years ago, in a message he preached, Rev. Chironna said something that was revolutionary to me then too, and it goes along with this - the quote was simple - your present position does not dictate your future potential.  I have tried to live by that over the years, and in many cases it helped to bring me as far as I have come so far.  I have shared that on occasion as well with my students, as it is something they need to hear too.  We cannot let constraints of life keep us from blossoming into the person God called us to be, and this focus on discernment is key to realization of that fact.  And, the purpose of writing this is to sort of digest, synthesize, and regurgitate it in a way that maybe it can help someone who is facing huge challenges and important decisions.  It is also important that as Christians, we lift up each other too - prayer, encouragement, and other acts of fraternal charity are integral to build up our own strength to hear God's voice inside our hearts and minds better, and an active prayer life is essential - whether the prayer is a Rosary, the Ignatian Examen, or whatever, it can make a big difference.  At another time, I am going to contrast this with a lot of the so-called "self-help" garbage out there too, because this is not that - this is different.  St. Ignatius was no Joel Osteen or Kenneth Hagin (thanks be to God in both instances!) and the classic Ignatian prayers are Magisterially consistent and part of the Deposit of Faith of the whole Church.  And, this is coming from someone who thought the Examen was kind of weak when I was first introduced to it - I didn't see the spiritual value in it at the time in all honesty, but as I learned more about its history, I came to two conclusions.  One, like a lot of modern twists on spirituality, some more liberal individuals within the Jesuit tradition have more or less emasculated the prayer into just a psychological exercise rather than a spiritual discipline.  Two, the Examen is not necessarily meant to be prayed as a prayer itself - it helps to focus our prayers in a way that brings clarity, as if you are anything like me, it is often easy to get distracted during one's morning prayers.  The Examen gives you a sort of stimulus to organize your thoughts to focus on the prayers of the heart, and there is where its intrinsic value as a devotional practice is.  Once I understood that, I see the value of it now.  So, I have actually began to incorporate elements of it into my own personal prayers, and it does give some clarity to my busy mind.  It promotes the true form of leisure that Josef Pieper talks about, and I understand that now.  Any rate, these are just some of my thoughts.

I am facing a number of decisions myself, as I am in the process of doing some re-evaluation.  Again, I cannot go into a lot of that right now, but I do covet the prayers of those reading this.  That is why, God's timing is always perfect, and he ordered that talk at the retreat, and thanks be to God that Mark was open to the Holy Spirit showing him all this.  At any rate, that is some insights I wanted to share this week, so will see you next time! 

Happy 2026

 This is my first official PSA of the new year, and as I prepare to go back to work tomorrow after a 2-week holiday (ugh!) I wanted to share a few thoughts on this coming year as it relates to many things.  There is a lot ot cover so I will try to do it as summarily as possible.

Although I haven't made an official word about it yet, I am contemplating a change in employment right now as well as in a potential move.  Since moving to Baltimore in 2024, I have not felt quite like I belonged here, as living in the inner city, and working at a high school which - and I have to choose words carefully here - has not met a lot of expectations for me, I am wanting to make some changes.  One change I am contemplating is the possibility of moving from high school teaching to parish faith formation work, and I am exploring that possibility now.  There are several parishes in three dioceses that are in close proximity that are actively recruiting for parish faith formation coordinators, and given that is what my Master's degree is in, I think that is a viable option.  The reality is that it may result in a pay cut in my salary, but it will be worth it to gain peace of mind.  I am in a good place financially right now, and it will get even better as the year progresses, so I can absorb a small reduction in income if necessary.  I am also looking into some overseas opportunities, particularly in the Philippines, for a very special reason.  I am not at liberty to say a lot about it right now, but in due time I will share that.  This leads me now to a few other observations as 2026 dawns on us now. 

This weekend, Trump successfully deposed the dictator of Venezuela, Nicolas Maduro.  Maduro was a Marxist who bled his country dry, and Trump did the citizens of Venezuela a huge favor by deposing him.  And, they are expressing their gratitude while American leftists - idiots they are - have resorted to gaslighting and virtue-signaling over the whole thing (it seems like they love totalitarianism, don't they?).  I find it curious that these same American leftists (who are largely White, or very privileged like AOC) didn't say one word when their man Clinton invaded Serbia in 1999, nor did they really care when Nigerian Christians were getting slaughtered a couple of weeks ago.  It reminds me of what South Sudanese activist Dominic Mohamad said once when he said that to NATO and its leftist proxies, White Muslims (and by extension Marxists) are of more value than Black Christians.  He is right too - this is the way the Establishment views Christian minorities, which is also why Obama likes to bellyache about how Trump "targets" illegal immigrants while at the same time he jailed a friend of mine, Assyrian-American attorney Robert DeKelaita, for trying to help Assyrian refugees legally obtain citizenship.  The American and European leftists amaze me with the level of self-righteous hypocrisy they display, and that is why I don't really take anything the Left says seriously, because it is stupidity wrapped up in the language of "social justice" and "inclusivity."  The question here is who they want to extend their fake "inclusivity" to, and it also is worth noting their justice is hollow as well.  As I have said many times, and I also teach my high school students, justice without faith equals tyranny.  Many radical movements and homicidal dictators started in the name of "justice" - Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, and particularly Maduro's predecessor Hugo Chavez.  "Justice" and "liberation" were also the battle cries of Marxists like Che Guevara, and even older, the socialist government of Mexico in the 1920s which targeted the Cristeros for simply being Catholic.  It is also the reason why so-called "Liberation Theology" as embraced particularly by liberal Jesuits is at its outset heretical, and why it has also tarnished the reputation of Jesuits over the years.  Thankfully, there are still a lot of good and sound Jesuits out there - notably Fr. Mitch Pacwa - and there are many good works of theological literature authored by sound Jesuits of the past (St. Robert Bellarmine, Cornelius a Lapide, Henri de Lubac, and Fr. Norris Clarke, to name a few).  However the Jesuit order as a whole is in serious decline.  This is not to say there are not rotten fruits among other Catholic orders, as two in particular come to mind - the Franciscan mystic Richard Rohr is one, and the heretical Benedictine Fr. Bede Griffiths is another - but they seem to be disproportionate among Jesuits for some reason.  So-called "liberation theology" has been rightly condemned as a heresy by Popes ranging from St. Leo XIII to St. John Paul II, but those professing to be Catholic are still drawn in by it.  That needs to change, and a reform of the Church is in order to cleanse it of that demonic garbage.  Catholic theologians have no business reading people like James Cone, and frankly, they need to be censured from doing so unless it is for the purpose of developing a polemic against such garbage.  Any rate, that is one soapbox for today. 

And that leads to some other discussion as well.  I am venturing into the world of pop culture a little as something struck me the other day.  I began re-watching the Star Wars movies, and started with the ones that came out in the late 1990s and early 2000s.   When you watch these things, there is something that comes to light that I have seen in many media outlets in recent years - the hero is often flawed.  I am not talking about Anakin Skywalker turning to the dark side of the Force either, but rather what pushed him to do it.  In the movies (as well as in animated spinoffs like The Clone Wars) there is a character who in all honesty just rubs me the wrong way, and that is Jedi Mace Wendu.  In the films, he is portrayed by the actor Samuel L. Jackson, who did a magnificent job.  However, the character itself is just someone you want to despise when you see the potential damage he caused.  The real reason, if you watch the films, for Anakin's descent into the dark side was not the manipulation of Darth Sidious - the latter just seized upon an existing opportunity (there is a lesson here - Satan does that to us too) of which the seeds were sown long before Anakin decided to make that choice.  From the first of these newer films, we see Anakin as a child, and although Qui Gon Jinn saw the potential, and Obi Wan Kenobi nurtured it well, the young man had serious opposition in the Jedi Council, and the most prominent force of that opposition came from Mace Wendu.  Wendu never trusted Anakin, and even tried to sideline him because for some reason Anakin didn't meet his standard of being the "chosen one."  Wendu is supposed to be the "good guy," but you see nothing but negative in his character.  The attitude Wendu conveys to Anakin did several things.  It eroded confidence in the Jedi order, as Anakin started to note glaring inconsistencies which the supposed "perfect" Jedi made some very fundamental mistakes, especially in dealing with the separatists.  It also bred an animosity toward Wendu which the latter needs to assume responsibility for.  We see this a lot in real-life history too, and I wanted to share some examples of it to show you, as well as relating an experience I had as a middle school student.

The most dangerous people who commit some of the most devastating atrocities are often victims of something themselves.  A school shooter, for instance, may have been targeted for bullying.  Another student, who may not have a lot of money to afford all the trendy garbage teenagers get caught up in, may be insulted and degraded by the popular kids.  At some point, the relentless abuse and ridicule the poor student faces pushes them to a breaking point, and often that results in an extreme action such as shooting up a school.  In this case, who is the real villain?  Is it the kid who did the shooting, or the bullies that drove him to it?  That is a discussion that needs to take place in our schools in particular. And, that now leads me to a personal experience I had as an 8th grader years ago.

When I was in middle school, my experience was hell - I frankly hated it.  I was not popular, and I also was not by any means from a wealthy family.  I was constantly harassed and attacked for my music interest, the clothes I wore, and other things, and I had days I didn't want to go to school in all honesty.  Although things would gradually improve and by my high school years I was in a good place, my middle school years were bad.  I did come to that breaking point eventually and I defended myself against a kid who was harassing me by smacking him in the head with a rock.  Now, it really didn't hurt him thankfully, and eventually I made up my differences with that particular kid, but we had a science teacher who wanted to dig it up weeks after it was resolved and she actually threatened me.  The science teacher's last name was Mowery, and she was my 7th-grade science teacher.  She was noted for showing favoritism to popular kids, and I remember being relentlessly harassed by others in her class and she just either laughed along with it or would do nothing.  But, God forbid when I stood up for myself against one of her favorites!  Weeks after the incident happened, and most of us had moved on with our lives, this nasty woman who should have never been a teacher approaches me and started threatening me and just being disgusting as an educator - I was both deeply shocked and offended, and to be honest I have never absolved her of that.  She didn't care to be the teacher I needed when I had her science class, and she certainly had her favorites.  Luckily, I was too smart to resort to revenge tactics and figured my accomplishments later would be enough vindication.  That nasty woman is now thankfully retired (good riddance!) and she probably doesn't remember a thing about me, but I remembered her, and I often wonder how many other students she mistreated like that and got away with it?  That teacher was a Mace Wendu, and I was the Anakin she picked on, but instead of turning to the "dark side," God saved me and I became a force for good.  As an educator myself now, I try to avoid the type of behavior she modeled, because the wrong attitude with a student can ruin them.  Any rate, this sort of deserves a topic of its own later, and I may develop it. 

Any rate, I think I have shared enough for today, but we have a whole year ahead and more insights await.  Have a blessed 2026, and will see you next time. 

A New Year Begins

 This will be the second article of the next chapter, but I am actually writing it at the end of 2025 just after Christmas.  I wanted to just give a couple of parting observations of the close of 2025 that I had not planned on doing, but there are just a few things I needed to talk about as they affect the course of the coming year.  This will also be remarkably candid, more so than other posts I have made, so bear with me. 

2025 was, for lack of a better description, a mixed year for me.  A lot of good things, but also challenges.  It was by no means the worst year I have ever experienced, but it also was certainly not the best either.  A lot of decisions hang in the balance as the new year dawns because there is much going on even as I write this. For one, I have essentially decided to not limit my prospects to Baltimore, as in all honesty I hate living in this city with a passion.  I mentioned before that often this city - a city that is ironically an integral part of my own early history - is like a foreign country to me.  It is not even the same place it was in 1975, when I last lived here and went to kindergarten less than 2 miles from where I am sitting.  Further, it also acts like a different entity from the rest of the state of Maryland too - one only has to travel just outside the city boundaries and a difference is noticeable.  I have lived in Maryland now 9 years - as a state, I have always liked it despite some liberal politics and high cost of living.  However, I had lived in western Maryland, which has a lot more in common with my home state of West Virginia than it does the inner-city streets of Baltimore.  Hagerstown, where until approximately 14 months ago I had lived for 8 years, was comfortable to me, and even traveling over there now I feel like I belong there.  I don't feel like that in inner-city Baltimore in all honesty.   Also, where I work at, a private nominally Catholic high school, has frankly been getting to me and I am starting to put feelers out for other options.  As that unfolds, I will talk more, but for now it is just something "in the works," and I have yet to see what happens - that is in God's hands.   But, there are some other things to mention as well. 

One major issue I am having now is looking into a new home, as in all honesty the place I am living in now is not ideal.  I was not particularly happy with moving here in the first place, but at the time I had no choice.   However, over the past year I have gained both the income and the credit rating to start looking into a possibility of home ownership, and I have already looked into some things already but nothing materialized yet.  However, after talking with Barbara and a couple of other close friends, I began to realize that my options are not necessarily limited to here - I have a doctorate now, as well as two years of teaching high school, under my belt, so I have in essence increased marketability.  I also realized I am not limited to just teaching in schools either - I already have the credentials I need to be a Faith Formation Coordinator for a parish, and started looking into that as well.  Our trip to DC a couple of weeks ago, when I had my Templar ceremony at the Basilica, also sparked interest in a few things as well.  DC is, by all standards, as big of a city as Baltimore if not even bigger.  I know DC well also, and have worked there as well as doing a lot of business down there.  DC, although not perfect, is not Baltimore - its status as the nation's capital has made it a self-conscious city that wants to keep up its appearance, both reputationally and physically.  That is a huge reason why President Trump did a major cleanup on the city earlier in the year too.  Many of us were hoping he would Federalize the troops in Baltimore too but that hasn't transpired yet.  Baltimore does need a lot of reform, and the fact that decades of a corrupt political establishment which has bled the city dry necessitates reform.  A reform in the crime rate, the political establishment, and the aesthetic of the city - it is all vital.  But, will anyone listen?   Let's explore that further.

If you walk on almost any street in inner Baltimore, some things become painfully evident.  Trash strews the streets, ugly graffiti defaces property, and there are blocks after blocks of abandoned boarded-up rowhouses that would be best put out of their misery by demolishing them.  It is also not uncommon to see huge rats crossing streets in broad daylight as well - that was disturbing when I saw them on occasion.  Now, I am no stranger to inner-city life - after all, I lived in downtown St. Petersburg, FL, for over 5 years in a high-rise apartment building, and although St. Pete had its own issues then (including racially-motivated riots only blocks from where we used to live there, as well as a murder occurring at a convenience store just across the street from our building), they paled in comparison with what I have seen in Baltimore.  Also, in recent years, St. Pete has actually been revitalizing its downtown, and the last I saw of there it looked better.   I also spent a year of my childhood living on the west side of Baltimore, and back then it was a different city - the neighborhood we lived in was largely made up of families with roots in western Maryland and West Virginia, including many households of my own family.  Also, there were vibrant ethnic communities all over the city - from a prolific Jewish community just north of JHU's Charles Village campus, to a large Polish community in Fells Point, a vibrant Little Italy near the harbor, and actual Greeks in Greektown.  The Black community at that time in Baltimore was different too - it had a vibrant cultural atmosphere then, and was generally low-crime and not politicized.  Many older Blacks I talked to in the city in the past year noted this, and the city is actually as foreign to them now as it is to me - they are not happy with the trajectory of the city.  "Old Baltimore" was indeed a much different place from this odd atmosphere the 21st-century version of the city has.   And, recent demographics I have seen shows that Baltimore has been bleeding population.  Whenever someone proposes a revitalization of the different communities adjacent to downtown, they are accused by the leftist powers-that-be of being "racist" and promoting something called "gentrification."  Apparently, leftists love decay and filth, and it makes sense - the ultimate objective of a totalitarian ideology is the subjugation and depression of the masses it wants to control, only enticing votes from them with the occasional proverbial carrot held out to them in the form of some benefit.  Baltimore has a legacy of this failed leftist corruption, and why people keep voting these crooks into power here escapes logic.  You would think that most people would begin to have the realization dawn on them that nothing changes and the same talking-head bureaucrats keep getting voted into power, and the next cycle of corruption starts over again.  Stupidity and complacency are powerful narcotics, and the powers-that-be are the ultimate pushers of these dangerous intoxicants.  It is why a huge segment of the population of this city never learns anything, and the same old, same old, keeps going on, only getting worse.  It is in other cities as well, but in Baltimore for some reason it seems like it's built into the fabric of the city.  I went down that rabbit hole to make my own points about decisions I am facing.

The current house we live in now - an old rowhouse built in 1920 which is in desperate need of some structural refurbishment - was only meant as a temporary residence until I found something better.  That realization was in existence from the first day I moved into this place, October 23, 2024.  It is not my ideal neighborhood, and since living here we have been at the mercy of porch pirates and other nonsense - I call the porch pirates "black buzzards" because nine chances out of ten they are Blacks who want to steal from others and don't care what they steal or how.  I actually caught one of them a few months back circling around erratically in the street just outside our front door - he looked like he was also on some drug too, and was just milling about coincidentally at the same time the mail carrier was making rounds, so the connection was not hard to make.  I have a low tolerance for riff-raff like that, and it's yet another reason why I am looking to get out of this neighborhood soon.  Whether it is moving to one of the more amenable suburban neighborhoods outside the city, or far away to another more comfortable place, there are two things that need to happen:

1.  I have the credit for it, but I need to secure a mortgage that would preferably be 1% down maximum/

2.  An employment opportunity that would facilitate a move - the stability of a place is contingent upon the right income. 

This means I am contemplating staying at my current place of employment, and after some serious prayer I have decided that if God wants me to stay in that position, doors will inevitably open up.  If not, then God will open a door somewhere else for a much better opportunity for me.  I am OK either way, just as long as we get out of the inner city and I can feel safe in a place I can confidently call home.  Ideally, I would love to go back to western Maryland, or even West Virginia, as that is my comfort zone and I feel connected there.  But, only time and God's will determines that.  2026 will be essentially navigated for me with these ideals in mind, and we will see where it all goes. 

As the closing days of 2025 rapidly race toward 2026, I send everyone my best New Year's greetings, and pray the best for you all.  So, will see you next year!

Combatting Corporatism

 Although the official book of articles has gone to press, this is being written in December now and will be included in the 2026 book later.  I just wanted to reflect on a few things that have transpired since last writing, and I felt they needed to be addressed here.

I wanted to begin about how things can be taken the wrong way if they are said, as an incident came up last week which affected me personally.   As you know for now, I work at a parochial college-prep school as a teacher, and an accepted fact of life is that we have to interact with the principal of the school, who in essence is our boss as teachers.  When a principal comes from a different type of background, or perhaps has a management style which can be something to get used to, it can create some communication issues.  I had one of those with the principal this past week, and it was somewhat intense.  Our principal here tends to have - and how shall I put this delicately? - a bit of an authoritarian leadership style.  He is not a micromanager, which is good, but he does tend to not receive feedback well when it is given.  The particular issue that came to mind entailed a malfunctioning heating system in the classroom, and to be honest it was a bit uncomfortable and the students were feeling it - in all honesty, I almost had a riot on my hands in one class as the students were really uncomfortable (as was I in all honesty, so who could blame them?).  Now, in our particular working environment, trying to get some help with something like this can be a bit of a process, as due to meetings and other things the appropriate authorities to address things to may not be readily available.  However, I was getting a bit flustered as the students in the particular class were acting as if the heating issue was somehow my problem, and to try to elicit a response I wrote the following message - "is anyone else in the building noticing how hot the rooms are?"  It was an innocent question, and as I found out later, some of my colleagues were having a similar issue in their classes.  However, the principal really took offense at it, saying the comment was "unprofessional" and "sarcastic."  Everyone else I showed the message to did not see that at all - it was just an informal inquiry as to the condition of the classrooms.   I ended up having a meeting with my principal, and it was a series of head-butts in all honesty - the principal refused to budge on his opinion (as of late, he still is), and things were compounded in that there was an incident in the front office earlier that exacerbated things.  I honestly felt like walking out the door that day after all this, and for me nothing was resolved although I tried to do so.  

A second issue with the same principal came up that weekend, when a proposed agenda for the upcoming midterms for our students was discussed.  For some reason, whoever had put together that schedule at the beginning of the year really did not think through the implications of it, as it has the midterms at the end of the week before Christmas break and no room for make-up exams for students who might be absent.  I mentioned that this current plan was not good, and I was chastised by the principal for "unprofessional communication" again - in other words, the message was the principal is infallible, and he did not like questions or criticisms.  This time, the communication was solely with him so there was no one else involved in the communication except us.  This led me to an inevitable conclusion - this principal has made himself untouchable and unreachable with criticism, and therefore I am thinking that any communication should be made through other channels.  In all honesty, we do have an assistant principal who is more approachable, so the resolution in this case is to air concerns with him instead.  This way, if the principal must be involved, any communication can be filtered through the assistant principal instead.   As to the midterm issue, I later found out that they at least did allow for make-ups in January, and had our principal addressed that and offered that solution, I would have been satisfied - I still don't think it is the best idea, but I could at least work with it had I known what was going on, hence avoiding a lot of unnecessary conflict and stress.  This has led me to make a few observations as I reflected on this.

Long before working in this school, I had approximately 27 years in the corporate world as essentially an administrative consultant.  Much of that was worked in temporary assignments for a variety of companies ranging from multi-billion-dollar corporations to tiny mom-and-pop offices.  I learned a lot of things through observation in doing this work, and I want to share a few insights now:

1.  For one, the bigger corporations have leadership that is so out-of-touch with their employees that often they cannot relate.  Therefore, the corporate head-games are something one inevitably faces in the corporate world.

2.  Once a person is promoted to an upper management role, it seems like one of the requirements of the job is to jettison common sense.  An upper-management corporate person finds foreign the most mundane of reasoning, and to them everything has to be made far more complicated than it should be.  They appear at times to be more about creating issues rather than resolving them. 

3. Consistency is often preached but rarely practiced.  Many corporate types are all about drilling the ideas of "consistency" into those under them, but then they lack it in principal.  Despite all the "life-coaching" and other faddish trends corporations use, much of it is just fluff to make the company look good, and at times it only benefits the employees, who can apply good principles from those things into other areas of life. 

4. The bottom line is the numbers.  People matter little to upper management, and this is true whether the setting is a multi-billion-dollar corporation or a private school.  The stats, the money, and the flowcharts are all that matter, and often employee satisfaction is sacrificed on the altar of the idol of subjective success.   Let me give an example here.  If a school has a 100% college acceptance rate for a graduating senior class, the powers-that-be tout that as "success."  What is often overlooked though is the retention rates of those graduates - how many of them will actually complete a higher degree, and how many of them will simply not be able to cut the college experience?  This is something that I personally feel needs to be re-examined in the field of education.  The same is true of standardized testing - does that truly measure the retention of knowledge of the students?   It is perhaps time for us to look more at the long term rather than impressive numbers, and this can be applied to any industry, not just education. 

5.  Communication - the huge problem with many in upper-level management is that when someone reaches that level, they lose touch with those who are subordinate to them.  Communication on the part of upper management is reduced to a lexicon of buzzwords, technical jargon that usually doesn't encapsulate the actual meaning of the word, and the annoying way that employees' concerns are often dismissed as being either "expressed unprofessionally" or they are explained away by a word salad of corporate babble which often leaves the poor subordinate more confused than before.  The bottom line to this is always the same - the management is always right, and the employee is always wrong.  What is really tragic about this entails two things.  First, a lot of brilliant ideas are more or less tossed into the rubbish bin by management because they don't like them or it may expose their own weaknesses and they don't want a lowly subordinate getting credit for solving a problem they may have created.  Second, if an employee is really upset about something, they are not always going to address the issue in sterile "professional" corporate-speak - a human being has emotions, and also everyone has limits, and if a problem festers for too long it causes some distress for the person.  Managers should really stop scolding people for "unprofessional communication" and instead exercise some empathy for whatever the underlying issue is.  A little of that would go a long way.  

6. Treating Employees like Automoton Robots.  Companies tend to, due to the other factors listed above, view employees as a commodity rather than as human beings, and thus they push, and push, and push people until they wear out.  This is the result of a toxic combination of Herbert Spencer's social Darwinism and the faulty economic policies of John Maynard Keynes, and it is a big reason why so much dissatisfaction exists in many industries.   While many entities try to buffer this with attractive benefit packages and such, it doesn't address the underlying problem of workplace discontent.  Other factors that led to this problem are both Enlightenment thinking itself as well as the Industrial Revolution.  When I read Josef Pieper's seminal text Leisure: The Basis of Culture, he focused on a point that a lot of corporate types really miss, and that is the idea of acedia, or the busyness of sloth to put it in my own terms.  Acedia causes complacency, discontent, and it also makes an idol out of a subjective definition of success, and that starves the person of both spiritual and intellectual growth.  The big criticism of capitalism comes from this in all honesty, and when leftists decry the whole system of capitalism, it goes back to this (although, the question is posed as to what they offer to improve it, as the leftist totalitarian model actually makes this worse).  The problem is not capitalism as a system, but rather the corporatist variation of it, which is not in reality true capitalism at all - that is the point people like Chesterton, Belloc, and the late Pope St. Leo XIII make.  Dignity of personhood is not a convenient option, but a vital necessity.  And, it is time the corporate types rediscover the importance of dignity of personhood. 

These are only six things I could mention, as there are many more if time permits.   Needless to say, toxic corporatism is a cancer in our society, and it does affect overall quality of life.  While some of my personal experiences may flavor what I am writing, I think it is something many of us can relate to.  I only pray that those who hold the power would learn how to use it responsibly. 

Thank you for allowing me to share again this week, as this was an unanticipated post.  I may or may not post again, depending on how the remainder of the year goes, so if not, I will see you in 2026. 

The Year Ends

 This is my last official blog post of 2025, given that I have written quite prolifically over the past year.  I am not really sure why I have so much content, but with 90 total posts, I have broken a record in the past 15 or so years of doing this.  That being said, let's retrospect a bit on the year.

2025 was a complex year - it was a year of transitions, recovery, and healing from the mess that happened in 2024.  There were many good things that happened - I became a Templar Knight, I was renewed for another year at the school I teach at with a nice raise, and I did get some much-needed dental work done last month.  However, it has also been a year of a lot of things happening too - stress at my current job, a crackhead ramming into the front of our house and destroying Barbara's car in the process, the loss of our beloved little cat Mickey, and to be honest, I have felt like the proverbial "fish out of water" living in central Baltimore.  I am in the process of making a few changes happen that may turn things around, so we will see what happens.  Oh, and I cannot forget that I also was able to get myself out of debt too!  All in all, the year has had its ups and downs, and while I would not call it one of my worst years, it cannot be considered one of my best either.  But, in essence, that is life too isn't it?

With this only being the second day of December with around 29 days of 2025 yet to go, we still have Christmas yet, and also there is a possibility I could gain a bit of prestige at my workplace as department chair of my department - the lady who taught our Freshmen Theology class has left to pursue other opportunities (I cannot blame her for that) and she was the department chair.  As a department chair, Claire was really good - in the short 11 months she was with us, she streamlined things and we actually felt like a department.  I also got close to her as a friend as well, as she was a stellar human being.  She had her own reasons for moving on, and I don't know enough about her personal situation to elaborate on it with any credibility, but I also don't judge.  I pray the best for her as she pursues other opportunities - she does have a husband and kids, and she also is planning on completing her own doctorate, and she deserves the best.  She was also the one who suggested I take her place as department chair, and while a part of me is very reluctant, I am also thinking about how that will look on a future CV when I eventually do move onto other opportunities myself.  So, what of that?  Let's reflect on that a moment.

I have this feeling that Baltimore will not be a "forever home" to me, nor do I want it to be in all honesty.  There is going to come a time when I will be presented with another opportunity, and I am preparing for that now.  I am also starting to look seriously at home ownership too, as I feel it is time - I am making a decent salary now, I have my doctorate, and it is time to begin looking into long-term goals for myself, as at 56 I am not getting any younger.  I am frustrated, a bit lonely, and I want to have roots again, which I badly miss having.  While there are some things in the works that I will share at a more relevant time, there is still much to do.  I am needing to rely more on God than at any time in my life, but I also feel like my devotional life has suffered - I do attend Mass regularly, and I pray every morning as well as every night before I go to sleep, and Barbara and I even pray a prayer traveling of a morning while we commute to work.  But, the enthusiasm of my earlier faith feels a bit, well, tethered.  I don't know how to get some lost fire I had back, and that is something I desperately need to do too - I faith is still strong, and I know I have supernatural grace with me, but I just feel so bleh lately.  My spirit needs a spring shower, and perhaps I need to give it one.  I may commit something next year to doing just that, because God is truly my lifeline and I need him with me always.  These are just some things I ponder and where I am at as the year winds down.

Now, about Barbara.  As everyone knows by now, Barbara and I separated and divorced five years ago, but in all honesty, our friendship didn't die with our marriage thankfully.  If anything, we are closer as friends now than we ever were as spouses, and I view Barbara like a sister I never had.   She is still a huge blessing in my life, and perhaps the only family I have close to me now, and I am very thankful she is still part of my life.  Of course, when people hear our story their eyebrows shoot up, but why is that so strange?  To me, Barbara's and my friendship demonstrate the spirit of Christ in both of us, and although we have moved on in other aspects, we will always be close and I feel an integral part of each other's lives.  We will never be married again obviously, because I myself have moved on and have some future plans of my own in the making, but the fact we are still an integral part of each other's lives is no accident.  So, if there were something I could be very thankful for as the year ends, it is the fact that Barbara is still close to me, and I thank God for her friendship and sisterhood. 

With the pressures of life always there these days now, I feel a bit worn-out, tired, and long for an extended rest - thankfully retirement for me is about 11 years away, and I may take full advantage of that when it comes.  2025 was definitely a new chapter though, and there is a lot that has happened, and continues to happen, as the year closes.  When I revisit in January, I will do more retrospection once I have some time to really ponder things, but suffice to say, it has been an adventure. 

Given that after this is published and I can add final edits to the copy I am sending to be bound, I want to extend sincere Christmas greetings to everyone who reads this.  Your visits are what makes this blog tick, and thank you so much for that.  I am currently looking into new venues to transfer this site to, as I want to consolidate this and my other blogs together, but that is still a work in progress.  So, may you all have a blessed remainder of 2025, and may 2026 be a good year for us all.  Thank you, and will see you next year. 

Giving Thanks

 Today is Thanksgiving - my 56th one.  Given the events of the past two years, it's a lot to process, and the question posed is "what am I thankful for?"  That sounds like an odd question, but again, it's the complexities of life.  It seems like challenges and things to be thankful for often go hand-in-hand in all honesty, and unless you can really focus on thanksgiving, you can miss it.  There are always things to be thankful for, and in all honesty there is a lot - despite the past couple of years, I have a decent job making a decent salary, I have a place to live, I have my bills paid, and my health (while not perfect) is generally good.  Of course, this is where the complexity comes in, because often those things come at a cost as well, and lately I have been feeling that cost - I am almost burned out from work, and I am currently trying to find a better home because where I live now in inner-city Baltimore is not the ideal place to live.  But, even in that I am thankful - we have been generally safe from criminals here, and I am getting a much-deserved 5-day holiday off which I needed desperately as well.  And, I know God - not as well as I should, but I maintain living in his grace on a daily basis, and that is worth being thankful for.  The ultimate thanksgiving is in the gift God gave of himself in Jesus Christ, who was sent to redeem us from original sin and give us eternal life (John 3:16).  And, in a sacramental dimension, we receive him at every Mass as well, which is why the Greek word Eucharist also literally translates "Thanksgiving."  That reminds us that the most important Thanksgiving meal is not a delicious turkey and stuffing (as good as that is) but rather the offering of God Himself for us because he loves us.  That too should make us, as practicing Catholics, thankful as well. 

While the topic of Thanksgiving is a noble one and worthy of reflection, I also wanted to relate some things that happened this past week.  It seems as if we have had some major changes at work - some of my colleagues have left to pursue other things, and in all honesty I cannot blame them because underlying issues do exist in my place of work.  The aftermath of a couple of exits may present me with what I consider both an opportunity and a challenge that I will talk about later, as it may be a huge step for me.  It is both good and scary at the same time, but I think the wisest course of action at this point is to just wait and see what happens.  Then, once I know something more specifically, I will be at liberty to talk about it. 

I am feeling somewhat refreshed the past couple of days, as I did receive some much-needed rest, and that is something I am definitely thankful for too.  As mentioned, things have been a bit chaotic on many fronts recently, and I needed to decompress a bit so I can refocus and get back on track with where I need to be.  Some of the Drechschloff that has been life recently is teetering on a revelation of some sort, and there is something I am starting to feel about an imminent change of some sort coming - I cannot shake the feeling in all honesty, because it is just there.  Usually, when I feel like that, something is in the works, so we will see what it is.  I do continue to ask for your prayers for me though, as there is a lot to sort out, decisions to make, and sense to be made of some circumstances in my life right now.  There are a couple of major decisions I have come to and I am seeking direction as to how to proceed with those.  I am not at liberty to say a lot right now, as I am not totally sure of a lot of things myself, but I will share as a sort of retrospective once things start to fall into place.  I also need to remember something I heard some years back too - with God, things never fall apart, but they fall into place.  Also, as my late mentor Fr. Eusebius said, man's disappointments are God's appointments.  Where I am at in life now is no accident, and I don't think it is a mistake either - but at the present time it is hard to see the bigger picture sometimes.  I trust that picture will soon come into focus for me though, and that is my personal prayer as well.

To circle back around, Thanksgiving is a day to remember what you have instead of focusing on what you don't have, and in doing so we need to have gratitude.  Even in the most chaotic of circumstances, there are blessings to be seen, and that is something I have to remind myself of every day as well.  And, if you take anything away from this, hopefully you can remind yourself of that as well.   Thanks for allowing me to share, and have a blessed day celebrating with your families.  

Another Loss

 

It seems like with every year, we lose another of our pets.  This year it was Barbara's cat Mickey.  He passed away yesterday at around 6:10 PM after a lingering decline in his health, and his loss is a sad one for us.  Mickey was a very sweet and affectionate cat, and his story deserves to be told.

Originally, Mickey belonged to my late sister-in-law Susan, but when she passed away in 2020 Barbara inherited him.  Mickey also had a sister, Mallory, who passed away in 2023.  Both of these cats created a lot of fond memories for me, as I remember when Sue got them - it was in 2008, and although I don't know the full story as to how she found them, I do know they were Maine Coon mixed, and they were actually large cats.  The first time I encountered them was in December 2008, after she first got them - they were still small kittens then, a few months old, and they were both very adorable little ones.  That means essentially that Mickey lived to be 18 years old, almost 19.  That longevity alone was impressive, as for most cats reaching 15 is a big step.  However, Mickey and his sister Mallory were both quite hardy cats, probably due to their Maine Coon heritage, and both of them lived long lives.   Mallory lived to be 16, and Mickey 18.  

When Barbara initially adopted these two cats after her sister's passing in December 2020, we were separated at the time but she still lived with Mom and I at our place in Hagerstown.  It was a big responsibility to take on then, as we had just lost one of our other older cats, KitKat, on New Year's Day 2021, and I still had Lily and Tippy then, so these two made 4 cats in the house.  Mickey, who was a more laid-back boy, immediately latched onto me, and for some reason he was practically adopted by me unofficially as well.  In time, I began to actually call him "Piggy," based on a cute rework of his name (also from that Ramona and Beezus movie, where Ramona called her cat Icky-Sticky or something like that).  He actually began to answer to that, and from that point he was "Piggy."  As far as personality goes, Mickey was a sweet, docile, and laid-back cat for a male, and he preferred being on your lap or doing a silly little dance on a pillow he claimed from Barbara that was funny to watch.  His sister, Mallory, was a little more attitude.  Mickey became part of the family, and for all intents and purposes he sort of became unofficially my cat too.  That would be even more evident when last year due to the haste of our move from Hagerstown, I had to keep him with me because the place Barbara got at the time did not take cats, but my house did.  So, for about 4 months, I cared for Mickey along with my own two cats, Lily (who I lost in December of last year) and Tippy.  He was rather easy to care for, as he used the litter box and never made messes and he also tended to have a robust appetite.  However, there were issues early on when Mickey began having issues with chewing food - he acted like it hurt to eat, and he would have issues chewing.  This would intensify over the coming years we had him until eventually it seemed like he was unable to eat normally at all.  Beginning in September of this year, he began to eat less and less - some days, he would go for several days at a time without eating a bite, save some milk or some raw chicken or hamburger, and as that progressed, he began to lose a lot of weight.  We tried our best to accommodate him, but over the past couple of weeks his health really deteriorated.  While we had a hope that he might just pull through it, his age and the intensity of his condition said otherwise.  It climaxed last night, when after Barbara got home from work, she found him just laying under her desk on the floor - he was unable to move, and although Barbara coaxed him to drink water, he had no desire.  Also, there was the smell, that smell of death.  Eventually, Barbara just picked him up and held him a while, and he eventually breathed his last in her arms at approximately 6:10 PM.  His mouth was very bloody, he was missing several teeth, and at this point he was also so malnourished that it would have taken a miracle to help him recover.  So, once again, the responsibility has come to lay him to rest - where we live at in downtown Baltimore is a bit challenging, as we have no place to inter a deceased pet, so I will need Barbara to really help me out with that so we can do that together, given we also have nosy neighbors who like to run their big mouths too.  As is the procedure, I wrapped him in an old blanket, and then sealed him in a plastic trash bag that would prevent scavengers from digging up the body (the trash bag was also scented, which helps to deter as well).  So, tonight comes the challenge of locating a suitable spot to put him to rest - had this been in Hagerstown, it would not have been an issue as I had plenty of backyard space there.  But in a city like this, it is a challenge.  However, the alternative is to toss him in a trash bin, and I cannot bring myself to do that.  So, a suitable spot to place him is integral.

Losing a pet can be about as tragic as losing a person, as they tend to become a vital part of our lives.  Pets are wonderful companions to have, and they impart an unconditional love to their owners that sometimes humanity is incapable of.  Over the years, I have had many pets I have really loved like my own children - dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, birds - and the memories they leave are cherished for years to come.  Also, I make sure to have plenty of pictures of them too, as it is a good way to immortalize their memories.  I know there has been a big debate over whether our pets will be in heaven or not, and some say yes, while others say no.  I tend to think they will for some reason - while an animal doesn't have a soul in the sense of a human being, there is something there, and God created them too and we should always appreciate God's creation.  When God created the heavens and earth, as it records in Genesis, after each creative phase God always declared it was good - that includes animals.  Animals are good in a lot of capacities - the can be loyal pets, but they also provide nourishment and other services to us as well.  We often fail to understand that as Christians, as we have this quasi-gnostic view of things that all created matter is corrupt and only the spiritual is good - that is nonsense you hear on a lot of popular televangelist programs.  A good God can only create good things, and to call something evil that God created is an insult to him - that was layer of the lesson Christ gave to Peter in Acts 10 as well with the descending sheet.  So, instead of picking a theological fight with a person who is distraught over losing a beloved pet, just leave them alone and allow them to grieve, cherish the memories, and have hope.  It is the right thing to do. 

I apologize for a lot of things to say this week, but so much is going on.  Thank you though for listening, and will see you next time.