Friday, December 4, 2020

In My Dad's Words

In July, my father, Joseph Wayne Thrower, passed onto his eternal reward after a several-year battle with cancer.  Dad and I didn't always see eye-to-eye, and as a matter of fact it is safe to say that we were somewhat estranged, but we still did communicate from time to time.  However, Dad did have a lot of things that were admirable about him, including a distinguished Army record he held while he served in the Vietnam conflict between 1966-1972.  He and my mother actually met on the island of Okinawa back at that time, as both of them were Army personnel then.  That is something I have always been proud of both my parents for too.

In going through his things, the lady who is handling Dad's estate came across a sort of "journal" he kept just a short time before he died, and although there is not a lot in it, he did chronicle some things about his military service that I feel should be shared.  Dad had for many years been an advocate for veterans like himself, and he worked with the POW/MIA organization as well as being involved in the American Legion.  His veteran status was an important part of who he was, and he made a point of making sure vets were treated with the respect they deserved.  In this account, he talks in detail about his early days in the military when he enlisted and went through his "boot camp" experience, as well as his experiences to a degree on Okinawa and later in Germany as both working with the missile program as well as being an MP.  Some of the language may be a little coarse in this, so be warned - he is bearing his soul, so he is "keeping it real" in a matter of speaking.  Anyway, without further commentary, I will now share his insights here.

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It was May of 1966, one week before graduation from high school.  All of us were talking about the draft and going to Vietnam, and most of us were scared shitless at the thought of going off to war.  Most of the guys I went to school with had never been any further than the next state north or south of us. I was worried about getting drafted, my grades were not the best, and I had never really applied myself other than chasing after the girls.  My friend P.T. and I started talking about going into the Army on the "buddy plan," which my father tried to talk me out of until he was blue in the face. My father had served in the Navy during WWII and knew what war could and would do to you.  We graduated in June and P.T. and I went and talked with the Army recruiter who painted such a wonderful picture of all the wonderful opportunities the U.S. Army had to offer; so, we enlisted with a 60-day delayed entry plan to go active in August on the "buddy plan" so we could stay together.  I was working then for a roofing company putting on tin roofs and it was hard work with long hours.  I went home and told my father I had enlisted, and I thought he was going to cry.  He got mad to begin with and told me that I was going to end up in Vietnam and could be killed.   I felt invincible then and told him I would get drafted if I didn't join, and at least this way I would get training that I could use later in life (which is what I thought then).  It seemed like the next 2 months were gone in a flash.  

In August, we went to the recruiter's office and reported in and took us to the bus station along with about 20 other guys.  We boarded the bus, and there were people on there from all walks of life - some farm boys, fishermen, college guys - all of them looked very young to be taking this journey into the service.  However, we all talked about it and seemed eager to get the physical exams and whatever else we had to do over with.  A few of the guys were talking about ways to avoid going in, most of whom had a draft notice.  One of the guys started talking about some of his hometown friends who had been killed in Vietnam, and everybody got quiet for a while.  We arrived at the exam station which was located at the Naval base in Jacksonville, FL. I never saw so many guys in one place at one time.  We exited the bus and a loud mean-looking Marine sergeant was screaming orders at us telling us to get into a formation; there were guys with long hair, beards, weird clothes, and all of them were staring at this short-haired, mean Marine sergeant in a pressed uniform.  I believe everyone was scared as hell as to what to expect next.  We were marched into this large medical building and were told to take a basket and take all of our clothes off except our socks and undershorts.  Now, here we were - it seemed like there must have been thousands of guys in their underwear and socks lined up in front of offices.  The first office I entered was where they were taking blood and temperatures.  When they finished with me, I came out of there with a bleeding arm and a piece of paper.  At the next stop the psychiatrist asked a few stupid questions, stamped my piece of paper, and told me to go to the next office.  After a full morning of these exams, we were given a bag lunch and a can of Coke and told to go sit under the trees across the street and eat.  After lunch, everybody was talking about how they hoped they would be sent home soon.  Thinking to myself, "oh no!", the stern Marine sergeant who greeted us so pleasantly earlier comes back, and this time he is carrying a list.  He then called about eight people out and told them they had failed their physical exam and were to proceed to a bus for their return home.  Then he read off a list of the draftees and told them which branch of the military they had been assigned.  Then our turn came, the enlistees.  We were told to go to specific areas that had signs for each military branch.  I made my way to the one marked "Army" along with my friend P.T.  In a little while an older Army sergeant came to us and told us to get in formation and follow him.  We were taken to a barracks used by transit troops containing bunks with mattresses but no bedding.  He proceeded to read off a list of names and told us where we would be reporting for basic training.  Then, he marched all of us over to a large open building, and there an officer gave us each a sheet of paper and were were told to raise our right hand, facing the flag in front, and recite the words on the sheet.  At the end we all said in unison "I do," and the sergeant announced "you are now a member of the United States Armed Forces." We left there and went to the mess hall where we were fed supper, the best food I remember having since I had left home.  We then returned back to the barracks and by now it was around 7:30 PM.  The sergeant told us that buses would be arriving at different times to take us to the bases we had been assigned to undertake basic training.  At approximately 9:30 PM, a list containing my and PT's names was read off and we were to board the arriving bus.  Upon boarding, I noticed that the destination plate on the bus read Fort Benning, GA.  We arrived at Fort Benning around 2:30AM, and we disembarked the bus while being screamed at by a little skinny asshole Corporal.  They herded us into a large room and briefed us, telling us that we now belonged to the Army and everything we did from then on would be done the Army way. Someone asked where the restroom was and had to do 50 pushups for saying "bathroom" instead of latrine. We went to another room where we were asked to disrobe all of our clothes except our underwear.  Then we were issued a cardboard box to place all of our clothes into, and told to write our address where to send them.  We then proceeded down a line and received three pairs of socks and underwear, then our uniforms, boots, jacket, hats, and dress uniforms, as well as a duffel bag to store them.  The next stop in the process was the barber shop, where the long hair of some of the guys was gone and everyone got a very short haircut.  We then were marched back to the barracks where we were assigned beds as well as what platoon we would be part of.  During all of this going on, the last time I saw my buddy P.T. was when we were in the room sending our clothes home.  I looked around for P.T. and could not find him anywhere (so much for our "buddy plan!").  The next morning at 5:30 we were in formation for roll call, after which we were directed to the mess hall for breakfast.  After breakfast we went back to our barracks, and made our beds, swept the barracks, and cleaned the latrine. After 6 weeks that seemed like an eternity, we were at the final week of basic training, and I was given orders to report to Fort Bliss, TX for advanced individual training as a Nike Hercules missile crewman. Graduation Day from basic training was celebrated with my dad, mother, and girlfriend coming up to see me and I got to visit with them for an hour or so before leaving for Fort Bliss.  It was sad for me to have to say goodbye to the ones I love and then travel halfway across the United States, but I belonged to the Army now.  I arrived at Fort Bliss with one guy from my hometown that I went to school with.  

Fort Bliss is the sandiest place I have ever seen; not a lot of grass, but just sand.  Shortly after I arrived, I got to witness my first sandstorm, and was actually caught in the middle of it.  The next morning I woke up and could hardly stand on my feet - I had severe pain in my feet, and went on sick call.  The doctor who examined me told me that my arches had fallen, and after I asked what I could do about it, he said nothing except just stopping and resting when the pain got severe.  I told the doctor he could send me home but he just laughed at me.  The following weekend, we got our first passes, and everyone was planning on going across the Rio Grande to Juarez in Mexico.  I didn't know what to expect! In Juarez, it seemed like everything was on the market - whores, bars, and about everything else..  Back then, it cost about two cents to go into Mexico, and three to come back to the US.  As it was getting close to time to graduate from the basic missile crewman school, I was given a 30-day leave before my first assignment.  Graduation day came finally, and although it was too far for my folks to attend, I still felt a sense of satisfaction.  I then found out I was assigned to Okinawa, an island off the coast of Japan, and found no reason to complain because it meant that I had avoided the action in Vietnam thus far.  I got to go home for Christmas 1966, when I also got engaged, as well as getting to see some old friends and spend time with my family. 

The day came to leave for Okinawa, which ended up being an 18-hour flight.  I had never been on a plane before, and it was an experience for a first trip.  I arrived on Okinawa, and met this guy who had just arrived from Vietnam.  He was a nice guy, and asked me to go downtown with him for a few beers and the check out the local women.  I told him I didn't have much money, but he told me he had $2600 as he had just gotten paid and that I didn't have to worry about paying for anything.  I drank something called Slo-Gin and it blew me away.  The guy, Roger, found him a girl (whore) and wanted me to hang onto his money so she wouldn't steal it from him.  He gave me $2400 in cash, and said he would be back in an hour or so.  I waited about 3 hours for him, and started to look for him at the whorehouses, but it was getting close to bedcheck for me and I had to get back to base.  I managed to get the sergeant to cover for Roger, and the next morning they called my name and said I had been assigned to a missile site and would be picked up by someone from my new company in an hour or so.  I still had Roger's $2400, and really wanted to make sure he got it. The "Deuce and a Half" truck from the site arrived and I asked the driver if he wouldn't mind waiting for a little while so I could see if Roger could be located.  The driver allowed me about 30 minutes and said he had to get back to the site.  I got into the truck and as we were pulling out of the lot I spotted Roger.  I asked the driver to stop, jumped out, and hollered at Roger, and hearing and recognizing me he came running.  I said, "Man, I have something of yours here," and gave him his $2400 back.  He told me he thought he would never see me again and had just lost that money.  I said, "Brother, I don't want nothing that doesn't belong to me."  Roger then thanked me and we said we'd get together again, but I never saw him after that. 

The missile site I was assigned to was in a remote location on the south end of the the island up in the hills close to where Japanese soldiers at the end of WWII had committed hara-kiri by decapitating themselves.  Okinawa was one of the most beautiful places I had ever served, as the water was beautiful, the women lovely, and all the bars you could ever want.  I was assigned as a Firing Control Panel Operator.  We would conduct tests every morning raising the missiles.  After that, we painted everything around.  It also seemed that every time I looked around I was pulling guard duty there, and always at night.  We always had a dog with its handler on duty with me, and after checking the fences, the dog handler would always end up at the guard shack to warm up and engage in a card game. 

I began to get somewhat tired of pulling guard duty and decided I wanted a change.  Therefore, I re-enlisted for MP duty and was re-assigned to the Armed Forces Police.  Armed Forces Police was excellent duty.  The Armed Forces police virtually ran the island, writing tickets on all highways, and also did patrol duty in the towns.  I worked with a Marine most of the time and we had got a few of the local thieves arrested, and they took out a bounty on us, so we were pulled off the streets and assigned duty at the big stockade as inside guards.  This was one bad place and was the place where murderers and hardcore criminals were sent before being sentenced to Fort Leavenworth.  We had no shortage of crazies from Vietnam there. 

I met a Woman's Army WAC while there and we got married.  I left Okinawa after 18 months and was re-assigned to the Edgewood Arsenal in Maryland.  My wife could not come home for another 6 months, but after she came home she was assigned to Edgewood Arsenal as well. My wife got pregnant in 1968 and was discharged from the Army.  I got orders to be stationed in Germany in 1969.  In July 1969 I was assigned to the Big Stockade outside Mannheim.  I thought I had seen some bad dudes in Okinawa, but this place had the baddest of the baddest, and tons of people were incarcerated there for illegal drug possession.  I stayed in Germany until November 1969 when my son was born, and this was my first child and I tried to get a leave to go home.  However, I was advised that the only way I could get out of there was to re-enlist for Vietnam.  I stayed up all night that night and drank while doing some serious talking with friends.  The next morning, one friend and me went to see the First Sergeant to tell him we wanted to re-enlist for Vietnam (my destiny had finally caught up to me).

         - non-dated handwritten manuscript authored by my father, Joseph Wayne Thrower (1948-2020)

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My note:  I am thinking that Dad wanted to add more to this, but perhaps his illness had progressed to the degree that he never got around to it.  It is really unfortunate too, as I believe that a complete account of his experiences would have given some valuable insight.  However, at least this gives some aspect of his legacy, and hope those of you reading it have enjoyed these memoirs of a Vietnam-era veteran and his experiences.  

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

End-of-Year Reflections

 2020 has been probably one of the weirdest years most of us have experienced in a long time.  And, unlike individual circumstances, the events of this year impacted everyone's life in some way or another.  But, there are many specific things that happened in my own life that I wanted to share in this year-end reflection, and some of what I am about to say is going to come as a shock to some of you who know me and are reading this, but what has happened has happened and life must move forward.  Without further adieu, let me now just "dive in" and share things with you.

The first item is perhaps the biggest, and it is one I was hesitant to share publicly, as only a select few people at this point know about it.  Divorce is always a tragic thing, and no one wants one yet they happen.  In June of this year, Barbara and I decided to separate.  It is not something I wanted to happen honestly, but circumstances forced it, and at this point I have come to accept it as a reality and am looking at it as a new start for myself.  I won't go into the reasons behind the separation, but be assured that despite Barbara and I going our separate ways, we are still close and will always be friends - that is how we started out when we first met each other, and that won't change.  However, the marriage is over, and our relationship as husband and wife is now a closed chapter. With that said, I will leave it there.

The second major thing happened in July, and that was the passing of my dad, Wayne Thrower (1948-2020).  Dad had been sick for some time with terminal cancer, and he had been steadily going downhill after losing his wife Claudia in 2017.  Dad and I have not been overly close for about 14 years - we talked on occasion and kept each other up on how we were doing, but Dad and I were not really as close as we could have been (another long story that most people don't need to worry about).  However, I did love my father, and it was tragic that he did pass away at only 72.  He had much to be proud of too, as he was a Vietnam veteran and he also accomplished a few other things in his life that I found out about after his passing, and it is really quite impressive.  The lady who is handling his estate, Susan Hickox, has been doing a marvelous job, and she made sure that I got all of his mementos and such, and I definitely appreciate that.  I am quite confident that Dad also made his peace with a lot of things when he passed on, so I believe I will see him again one day.  He will be missed by many, and although not a perfect man, he did have a lot of good attributes that are worth preserving and remembering.  Rest Eternal, Dad, until the hereafter occurs for us all. 

Now, how have I held up during all this COVID mess?  Like many of you, I have had to make adjustments - wearing masks in stores, attending Mass a great percentage of the year virtually, and also not being able to go back to work as an independent contractor.  However, there has been good aspects of this situation too - for one, the stimulus money as well as the extra unemployment benefits really have been a boost to me economically, especially with having to reconfigure finances in the wake of a separation from my spouse and all.  God has been good to me this year, and has amply provided needs for us in many ways.  I was also able to settle a lot of my debts, and that really feels good!  There is some uncertainty with the coming year, but as God has taken care of us thus far, it is probably a good idea to trust him to continue to do so.  The election results, which I talked about earlier, also have created a lot of buzz, and we have to pray and hope for the best out of that too, as there are many high stakes up in this election cycle.  However, it has made some people on both sides of the political spectrum somewhat more belligerent, and at times I have had to take a step back from social media to sort of get away from them.  In the bigger picture though, this too will all work out to some degree, so we cannot get bogged down and obsessed with who is going to be President or other issues.  Genuine concern is fine, and we all have that to some degree, but we cannot let that dominate our lives, just like we shouldn't let the COVID mess do so.  Hopefully those are words of wisdom for someone who reads this. 

There were many other things that happened this year too.  In June, I had my 4th-degree Exemplification for the Knights of Columbus, and although a couple of things about the Knights now concern me (I hate the new uniforms for instance - makes our Knights look like a NATO peacekeeping force!) I am still privileged to be a full Knight now and it is still a great thing to achieve.  Also, I finally was able to get a Maryland license, and I got that in September.  Now, with Barbara leaving the picture, it is up to me to invest in a car, which is an objective of 2021.  The other big thing of the year is that I wrapped up my first semester of my Ph.D. program a couple of weeks ago, and did so with flying colors.  Although I really wanted to do this at Catholic University of America, after not "making the cut" there I looked into other schools, and after much prayer and also getting a little guidance from our parish priest, I decided to pursue the Ph.D. in History program at Liberty University, which is completely online and I will have conquered by 2023.  So far, I have liked my doctoral program, and as I write this I am on a 2-month break until my new term starts in mid-January.  The reason this is exciting is due to the fact that it is my terminal degree - after this, almost 45 years of formal education off and on will be done.  In the midst of those big events though also have come some new decisions and opportunities as well, and some things to look forward to in 2021. 

One major piece of news to that regard is the fact that in a couple of months I will be officially a homeowner.  Mom has agreed to go in with me to buy this place, and in doing so it means a new dimension to my life as well.  For one thing, it means roots, as once I buy this place I will not be moving again - at 51 years old now, it is getting a lot more challenging to undertake big moves, and that last one that brought us here in 2017 almost did me in.  After Barbara moves and all the papers can be drawn up to buy the place, we plan on initiating the process in February.  Owning my own home will obviously come with some new responsibilities, but I think I can handle them.  Additionally, I mentioned the purchase of a car - now that I can actually drive one with the proper credentials, I will be looking into a new vehicle at around the same time we start signing papers for the house, and by then I should have the income to make it happen.  It is one of many challenges to come up next year, but it is a good challenge and it's now all a matter of timing.  For the first time in many years, I actually have a new sense of purpose I haven't had in a while and that really is empowering.  I have also come to a decision as far as my religious convictions go too, as the COVID situation has sort of forced me into it.  I am not very happy with the regular Roman Catholic diocesan structure, although it in no way means I am going to go SSPX or sedevacantist though.  However, I have had more of a conviction recently to attend a more traditional Latin Mass (pre-Vatican II) and after the first of the year I will make that happen.  The main conduit of this I am looking into now is about 15 miles away in Charlestown, WV, and is the Priory Chapel of the Canons Regular of the New Jerusalem, a traditionalist apostolate in communion with the Holy See but more solidly orthodox than many run-of-the-mill parishes in the area.  In doing so, I am also planning on continuing to be a catechist for the 6th-graders at St. Joseph's, but my new commitments will lead me to something a little more orthodox in faith and less liable to exposure of some "Creaster Catholics" like Joe Biden who identify as Catholic yet disobey everything the Church teaches.  If I am going to be Catholic, I want to be a true Catholic who is faithful to 2000 years of Church teaching and not one of these people who can justify out-of-order "marriages" and killing babies in the womb.  Self-professed Catholics who support such garbage are not true Catholics, and I question now parishes who allow such people in leadership positions.  I know that may sound a little harsh and judgmental, but if the events of 2020 have taught me anything, it is that true Catholics are challenged to commitment, and that means to all of the Magisterium and not just those parts that "sound good" or that can be reinterpreted by a sitting Pope or a bunch of hireling bishops who don't take their obligations seriously.  I think it was Dante Allegheri who said that the path to hell is paved with the skulls of bishops, and the way some of these bishops have been acting, I think Dante was speaking prophetically.  Any rate, this more serious commitment to an orthodox Catholic faith is part of a bigger self-improvement program I plan on initiating during the new year, and I ask for people's prayers as I embark on that, as it means some adjustments for me.  

As for the outlook of 2021, I can best describe my own perception as being both uncertain yet optimistic.  A lot of what is to come requires a "wait and see" posture until we get there, but I am also optimistic in that as God has carried me this far, he will continue to take care of me, and that gives both hope and reassurance.  I pray and hope the best for all of you reading this, and hope everyone has a safe and blessed holiday season ahead, and also a blessed 2021.  Thank you.