End-of-Year Reflections

 2020 has been probably one of the weirdest years most of us have experienced in a long time.  And, unlike individual circumstances, the events of this year impacted everyone's life in some way or another.  But, there are many specific things that happened in my own life that I wanted to share in this year-end reflection, and some of what I am about to say is going to come as a shock to some of you who know me and are reading this, but what has happened has happened and life must move forward.  Without further adieu, let me now just "dive in" and share things with you.

The first item is perhaps the biggest, and it is one I was hesitant to share publicly, as only a select few people at this point know about it.  Divorce is always a tragic thing, and no one wants one yet they happen.  In June of this year, Barbara and I decided to separate.  It is not something I wanted to happen honestly, but circumstances forced it, and at this point I have come to accept it as a reality and am looking at it as a new start for myself.  I won't go into the reasons behind the separation, but be assured that despite Barbara and I going our separate ways, we are still close and will always be friends - that is how we started out when we first met each other, and that won't change.  However, the marriage is over, and our relationship as husband and wife is now a closed chapter. With that said, I will leave it there.

The second major thing happened in July, and that was the passing of my dad, Wayne Thrower (1948-2020).  Dad had been sick for some time with terminal cancer, and he had been steadily going downhill after losing his wife Claudia in 2017.  Dad and I have not been overly close for about 14 years - we talked on occasion and kept each other up on how we were doing, but Dad and I were not really as close as we could have been (another long story that most people don't need to worry about).  However, I did love my father, and it was tragic that he did pass away at only 72.  He had much to be proud of too, as he was a Vietnam veteran and he also accomplished a few other things in his life that I found out about after his passing, and it is really quite impressive.  The lady who is handling his estate, Susan Hickox, has been doing a marvelous job, and she made sure that I got all of his mementos and such, and I definitely appreciate that.  I am quite confident that Dad also made his peace with a lot of things when he passed on, so I believe I will see him again one day.  He will be missed by many, and although not a perfect man, he did have a lot of good attributes that are worth preserving and remembering.  Rest Eternal, Dad, until the hereafter occurs for us all. 

Now, how have I held up during all this COVID mess?  Like many of you, I have had to make adjustments - wearing masks in stores, attending Mass a great percentage of the year virtually, and also not being able to go back to work as an independent contractor.  However, there has been good aspects of this situation too - for one, the stimulus money as well as the extra unemployment benefits really have been a boost to me economically, especially with having to reconfigure finances in the wake of a separation from my spouse and all.  God has been good to me this year, and has amply provided needs for us in many ways.  I was also able to settle a lot of my debts, and that really feels good!  There is some uncertainty with the coming year, but as God has taken care of us thus far, it is probably a good idea to trust him to continue to do so.  The election results, which I talked about earlier, also have created a lot of buzz, and we have to pray and hope for the best out of that too, as there are many high stakes up in this election cycle.  However, it has made some people on both sides of the political spectrum somewhat more belligerent, and at times I have had to take a step back from social media to sort of get away from them.  In the bigger picture though, this too will all work out to some degree, so we cannot get bogged down and obsessed with who is going to be President or other issues.  Genuine concern is fine, and we all have that to some degree, but we cannot let that dominate our lives, just like we shouldn't let the COVID mess do so.  Hopefully those are words of wisdom for someone who reads this. 

There were many other things that happened this year too.  In June, I had my 4th-degree Exemplification for the Knights of Columbus, and although a couple of things about the Knights now concern me (I hate the new uniforms for instance - makes our Knights look like a NATO peacekeeping force!) I am still privileged to be a full Knight now and it is still a great thing to achieve.  Also, I finally was able to get a Maryland license, and I got that in September.  Now, with Barbara leaving the picture, it is up to me to invest in a car, which is an objective of 2021.  The other big thing of the year is that I wrapped up my first semester of my Ph.D. program a couple of weeks ago, and did so with flying colors.  Although I really wanted to do this at Catholic University of America, after not "making the cut" there I looked into other schools, and after much prayer and also getting a little guidance from our parish priest, I decided to pursue the Ph.D. in History program at Liberty University, which is completely online and I will have conquered by 2023.  So far, I have liked my doctoral program, and as I write this I am on a 2-month break until my new term starts in mid-January.  The reason this is exciting is due to the fact that it is my terminal degree - after this, almost 45 years of formal education off and on will be done.  In the midst of those big events though also have come some new decisions and opportunities as well, and some things to look forward to in 2021. 

One major piece of news to that regard is the fact that in a couple of months I will be officially a homeowner.  Mom has agreed to go in with me to buy this place, and in doing so it means a new dimension to my life as well.  For one thing, it means roots, as once I buy this place I will not be moving again - at 51 years old now, it is getting a lot more challenging to undertake big moves, and that last one that brought us here in 2017 almost did me in.  After Barbara moves and all the papers can be drawn up to buy the place, we plan on initiating the process in February.  Owning my own home will obviously come with some new responsibilities, but I think I can handle them.  Additionally, I mentioned the purchase of a car - now that I can actually drive one with the proper credentials, I will be looking into a new vehicle at around the same time we start signing papers for the house, and by then I should have the income to make it happen.  It is one of many challenges to come up next year, but it is a good challenge and it's now all a matter of timing.  For the first time in many years, I actually have a new sense of purpose I haven't had in a while and that really is empowering.  I have also come to a decision as far as my religious convictions go too, as the COVID situation has sort of forced me into it.  I am not very happy with the regular Roman Catholic diocesan structure, although it in no way means I am going to go SSPX or sedevacantist though.  However, I have had more of a conviction recently to attend a more traditional Latin Mass (pre-Vatican II) and after the first of the year I will make that happen.  The main conduit of this I am looking into now is about 15 miles away in Charlestown, WV, and is the Priory Chapel of the Canons Regular of the New Jerusalem, a traditionalist apostolate in communion with the Holy See but more solidly orthodox than many run-of-the-mill parishes in the area.  In doing so, I am also planning on continuing to be a catechist for the 6th-graders at St. Joseph's, but my new commitments will lead me to something a little more orthodox in faith and less liable to exposure of some "Creaster Catholics" like Joe Biden who identify as Catholic yet disobey everything the Church teaches.  If I am going to be Catholic, I want to be a true Catholic who is faithful to 2000 years of Church teaching and not one of these people who can justify out-of-order "marriages" and killing babies in the womb.  Self-professed Catholics who support such garbage are not true Catholics, and I question now parishes who allow such people in leadership positions.  I know that may sound a little harsh and judgmental, but if the events of 2020 have taught me anything, it is that true Catholics are challenged to commitment, and that means to all of the Magisterium and not just those parts that "sound good" or that can be reinterpreted by a sitting Pope or a bunch of hireling bishops who don't take their obligations seriously.  I think it was Dante Allegheri who said that the path to hell is paved with the skulls of bishops, and the way some of these bishops have been acting, I think Dante was speaking prophetically.  Any rate, this more serious commitment to an orthodox Catholic faith is part of a bigger self-improvement program I plan on initiating during the new year, and I ask for people's prayers as I embark on that, as it means some adjustments for me.  

As for the outlook of 2021, I can best describe my own perception as being both uncertain yet optimistic.  A lot of what is to come requires a "wait and see" posture until we get there, but I am also optimistic in that as God has carried me this far, he will continue to take care of me, and that gives both hope and reassurance.  I pray and hope the best for all of you reading this, and hope everyone has a safe and blessed holiday season ahead, and also a blessed 2021.  Thank you.