The Friendly Town Wino

Do any of you reading this recall the old episodes of The Andy Griffith Show?  If so, you will remember one of the most endearing characters was Otis, the town wino who used to often stay on Andy's jail overnight as sort of a motel more than a punishment.  One of the nice things about small towns is that even those with alcohol problems are often shown compassion by the local folks, and as a result despite their indulgences these people often become beloved members of the community.  Although The Andy Griffith Show was fiction (although it was based in part on where Andy actually grew up in NC) there is a bit of truth to it in regard to the small town and how even the most mischievious of townfolk often are endearing.  When I was growing up in the small town of Kirby, WV, we actually had a person similar to Otis who to this day still recalls fond memories, and I want to spend some time today talking a little about his story. 

Kirby, WV, was by no means a Mayberry - in reality the place was poverty-stricken, and many people in town unfortunately did not live in the most ideal of settings as alcoholism, abuse, and other issues plagued many people there.  But, one thing it did have in common with the fictional Mayberry was its own version of Otis.  John Haines was quite the character - he drank like the fictional Otis, looked like a shorter version of Jed Clampett from The Beverly Hillbillies, and if you saw him walk it would remind you of a cross between Foster Brooks and Charlie Chaplin.  However, despite appearances, John had a lot of complexity that many did not really see unless you got the chance to know him and talk to him.  Fortunately, my mother got to be close with the old fellow, and she gained an appreciation about his life that many people did not realize.  Although on the surface John appeared as a drunk who walked funny, he was in reality an astute observer of a lot of things. 

We first came across John not long after Mom and I moved to Kirby in the summer of 1980.  One of his chores was mowing the lawns in the trailer park the majority of the town lived in, and often John would mow more of the dirt road than he would the grass!  One day, Mom felt a little sorry for him, and invited him in for some water to cool off from his mowing, which he did greatly need and appreciate.  So, he would drop up for a visit on occasion, and once he found out that Mom could make a decent tomato sandwich (I hated them and didn't eat them, but they were a staple in the summer for others, and Mom would often make herself one for lunch), he would go into Nellie Cox's garden and steal a large tomato, bringing it to the house so Mom could make him a sandwich with a couple of slices of it.  As he'd visit, he'd get to where he would talk about things - he didn't say a whole lot to many people, and for some weird reason he didn't trust kids at all (he was of that old school of "children should be seen and not heard," which at the time insulted me but as I grew older and see how kids act today sometimes, it would not be a bad idea for some of them!).  Yet, although not overly fond of kids, he didn't hate them either - on one occasion, for instance, John hit the Frito-Lay vendor at Cox's Store up for a small bag of chips, which he gave to me.  And, although he exhibited some behavior that made him appear in a constant state of intoxication, in all reality he really did not consume as much as many thought he did - actually, he was alotted a quart of beer a day by Nellie Cox (which, come to find out, he paid for anyway, but we'll get to that shortly), and there was actually another explanation for his behavior that didn't have anything to do with alcohol consumption.  Now, I want to talk about that a little as I talk a bit about John's background.

John W. Haines was a native of Hampshire County, and I want to say he was born from somewhere near Slanesville in the east-central part of the county (Kirby was in the southeast corner, quite a distance away).  Of course, in that county Haines is a pretty common name anyway, for along with the Hotts and Timbrooks, Haineses make up a significant portion of the residents of the county.  He was born in February 1925, and was also a World War II vet, as he had served in the Pacific at that time.  While in the military, he was seriously wounded and did have the iconic steel plate in his head.  This did affect his motor skills significantly, and had more to do with his odd walk than the alcohol did actually.  He was also prone to convulsions, which appeared similar to the grand mal seizures people with epilepsy experience on occasion.  When one of those episodes would strike him, John would shake uncontrollably and could not stand up until the seizure passed.  His own name for those spells was the "heebie-jeebies," and although he was definitely not epileptic, he did have them with more frequency as he got older.  His honorable service and medical discharge actually earned him a comfortable pension for the remainder of his life, but due to his living humbly in a spartan-furnished trailer in Kirby, much of his wealth (and I say that factually - upon his passing, it was discovered that he had a substantial amount of assets which could have given him a more comfortable standard of living) was managed by local land baron Nellie Cox, who was also a distant relative of his.  Due to some sensitive nature of the situation, I won't indulge some details of this arrangement, because this is not really the place for it, but suffice to say many people thought something didn't jive with this once it was disclosed that John was actually a man of means.  For instance, although it was pretty much established as fact that John had these assets, he often had to beg for his daily quart of beer, and people felt sorry for the fact he had to live like he did, and many thought it was also unnecessary.  John was not a bum, nor was he some freeloading riff-raff - he actually asked for very little in life, and largely minded his own business.  Again, sometimes appearances can be deceiving, and John did often use the "dumb wino" act to learn a lot of things, and he had some pretty astute observations although many of the secrets he possessed went to the grave with him.  I think too that was one reason why he often was not open to many people and had a genuine mistrust of kids and others - kids do tend to spit out things they shouldn't at times, and I think John knew that.  Whatever the whole story - which we may never find out anyway - there was definitely more than met the eye when it came to John Haines.

When I was about 12 or 13, somehow one of the neighborhood people found out how to get an old TV John had operational at his place, and being we didn't own a TV set at the time, John gladly offered to let me watch his when I wanted to, as he had little use for it.  So, for the first time in a matter of years, I was able to watch cartoons and Friday night sitcoms, which provided a little activity in a town where choices of entertainment were limited.  In time, on weeknights several of us  - including Mom, me, and one of John's oldest friends, a fidgety little fellow by the name of Guy Bowman - would spend the evening watching television at John's place.  Those proved to be enjoyable diversions at the time, and it was actually fun to be able to do simple activities like watching a TV show when so much of that poverty-stricken town was often depressing. 

Despite living pretty simply and having a relatively stress-free life, complications from a variety of health issues began to take their toll on John, as at times toward the end he would even not be seen for days.  On one chilly February morning in 1983, someone decided to check on him because they hadn't seen him for a while.  That year, I was finishing up the 6th grade and was on the verge of entering adolescence, and therefore I was still relatively young at the time.  I also do not recall who went to John's house that day, but they found him - he had passed away not long before he was discovered, and the "official" reports said he suffered a fatal heart attack.  He was at the time only 58 years old - or, he would have been, as he passed shortly before his 58th birthday.  Nellie Cox took care of his funeral arrangements, and that was one of the first funerals I attended, and also one of three times I was a pallbearer.  It was a true honor though to bear John's remains to their final resting-place, and it was also humbling - the weather that day was overcast but also a little warm for February in that neck of the woods.  John was buried close to where he was born, in Slanesville at the Salem Church Cemetery.  He was missed by many, as he was actually a very iconic figure in town and almost everyone who lived there had a fondness for him. 

One interesting and amusing story also comes to mind about John.  Sometime around the middle of 1982, this family of really dumb stereotypical hillbillies consisting of an elderly woman, Goldie, and her two middle-aged sons, Vernon and Boyd, moved into the small house just across the street from John's trailer.  Goldie was a nosy busybody, suffered from bad illiteracy (she could not even write her own name!) and in general she was just a pain in the butt!  On one occasion, John really had to go to the bathroom and he was booking it over to his trailer from the store.  Anyone who has the classic "short hold and heavy load" knows that feeling well - you have to go, and you have to go now!  But, of course, old nosy Goldie saw him, and had to ask where he was going - so, in explicit terms, he told her, as he was exasperated anyway!  She never did that again!  We all laughed about that one for years.  Also, John loved country music, and often when he'd get a little tipsy he would sport this huge button someone gave him emblazoned with "I Like Girls!" on it, and then proceed to serenade anyone who would listen with his own unique rendition of Kenny Rogers' song "Lucille."  Interesting enough, in my first year of college there was a classmate of ours who actually bore an uncanny resemblance to John by the name of Randy Vaughn, who we all endearingly called "RV" for short.  RV was much younger (mid-20's then) but he walked the same, talked the same, and his story involved a similar injury - RV was involved in a car accident which gave him a condition similar to cerebral palsy (which many though John also had, interesting enough), but the only difference (and a scary one too!) was that RV drove a car!  And Lord have mercy, that was an experience to be talked about at another time!  Fortunately, John never had a car to drive, nor was he in need of one - he seldom left Kirby, and the most risky activity he engaged in was probably mowing the dirt roads in the park and occasionally zinging someone's window with a piece of slate gravel from the road!  But, I wanted to briefly mention RV, because when I first met him (and he later became one of my closest friends in school) he made me think almost instantly of John Haines! 

The legacy of John Haines could have a lot more detail to it, and unfortunately I don't have a picture anymore to share of him.  At one time, Mom had three good photos; one was recent, and the other two were from his World War II days - one was when he enlisted, and the second was after he was injured and got out.  That is really too bad, because a good picture of John would have enhanced the story better.  Suffice to say though, John was actually a decent guy who although was at first appearances easy to write off as a stumbling drunk, in reality he was actually interesting and more complex under the surface than many knew.  He carries a special place in my own story as well, because he is one of those people who does leave a lasting impression.  And, despite his limitations, John had a quality of character that these days is rare - he was humble, exercised good judgment, and had wisdom about some things that often went unnoticed due to externals.  He imparts a lesson that sometimes the greatest of riches can come in a plain wrapper, even one that's wrinkled and banged-up some.  May we all learn to look beyond externals and learn to appreciate unique people like the John Haines' of  the world.