The Scoop on "Amish Mafia"

About two years ago, this so-called "reality show" premiered on Discovery Channel of all things that supposedly documented a sort of subversive underworld among the Amish communities of Lancaster, PA, and Holmes County, OH.   That show was called Amish Mafia, and from the first few minutes of the first episode, it was evident that there was nothing "real" about this "reality show."  To give the background on this show, Amish Mafia portrays the dealings of an enigmatic "Amish Godfather" they call "Lebanon Levi" Stolzfuss, and what he primarily does is collect something called "Amish Aid" from the local Amish communities - apparently, if he is not paid, there are consequences.  To aid in this enterprise, Levi employs several minions - one is a spineless goober named Alvin, who is Levi's right-hand man.  Another is a dumbass (pardon the term, but it fits) named John Schmucker, whose sister Esther also gets in on the action (they have a third schizophrenic brother named Freeman who was sent away to some Amish psych ward in North Dakota or something) - apparently their father was the original "boss" of Amish Aid, and they are trying to wrestle it back into their control.  A third is a big retard they call "Big Steve," who serves as the "muscle."  A forth is an alleged Mennonite hired gun named Jolin, who later is replaced by a young Brethren hothead named Caleb (who is about as Brethren as the Pope, but I am getting ahead here).  Also in the cast is Levi's rival, an Amish Rasputinesque nut named Merlin, who has a dwarf second-in-command named Wayne (Merlin and Wayne though later have a parting of ways), and they are headquartered in Holmes County, OH.  Later, Merlin is found in the company of a fat woman who resembles a Yorkshire pig by the name of Mary, who operates a "bundling school" in Ohio for engaged couples (this is where it gets really ridiculous, because Mary supposedly teaches the young betrothed clients about "soaking," meaning that the position of intercourse is allowed without actually having intercourse - this is pure BS).  Rounding out the regular cast is a Black man (called SchwartzAmisch on the show) named Alan Beiler, who was supposedly adopted by an Amish family and raised by them, but later turns into a criminal, ends up working for Levi, and is betrayed by him and ends up in jail.  In the recent season, Alan joins up with a rogue Mennonite leader named Doug, and convinces Caleb to ditch Levi and work for the Mennonites too, which Caleb does, and a sort of "turf war" over Lancaster that supposedly rivals the Crips and Bloods in LA ensues - the Mennonites think the Amish have too much control apparently, and want to wrestle it back, doing so with violence against the Amish.  At any rate, there you have it - the plot of the show, its main characters, and what is currently going on in the third season airing now.  As you can see, there are already some glaring problems with this whole enterprise from the start, but I want to get into specifics now.

The "disclaimor" statement that airs at the beginning of every Amish Mafia episode in poorly-spoken Plautedeutsche by the actor portraying "Lebanon Levi."

To begin, let me say that I am not exactly evaluating this as an outsider - my own family was Brethren by heritage, and I have roots in this whole culture, although not to the degree an actual Amishman or Mennonite from Lancaster would have.  That is why the majority of what this show portrays is an affront to all three groups.  I am not going to document every ridiculous thing that this show has portrayed as "true," but I want to deal with it generally.  I have watched every episode of it, and in doing so I can also see the entertainment value in it - the show is good fiction, and if you are into intrigue and suspense, the producers have that talent down well.  So, as long as you know better, watch it.  However, my concern is like that of many others - too many who watch stuff like this think that the Amish really live this way, and unfortunately in today's world, too many people who watch this show are too dumb to actually pick up a book and do a little research, and they are using Amish Mafia as eyewitness authority (which it is not) on Amish life.   There are many capable scholars out there who have rejected the authenticity of Amish Mafia, one being David Weaver-Zercher, a professor at Messiah College, who said, "“When I first saw the (show’s) trailer, I thought maybe it was a ‘Saturday Night Live’ skit on reality television because it was so far-fetched,” as well as Donald Kraybill, a scholar whose works I am very familiar with as he has written some excellent reference books on the various Anabaptist groups in Pennsylvania, who said this: “When I’ve spoken about this program with Amish friends they’ve just kind of laughed and said they never heard of this kind of thing . . . It’s just sort of an example of the foolishness and stupidity and lies — misrepresentations I should say — that are promoted [about the Amish] in television . . . These production crews should be ashamed of trying to say that represents Amish life.” (Michael Mullins, "Experts Dispute Existence of 'Amish Mafia' as Reality Show Debuts."  Article originally published on 11 December 2012. http://www.newsmax.com/TheWire/amish-mafia-dispute-reality/2012/12/11/id/467251/ {accessed 13 March 2015}).   Even a number of ex-Amish have come out against the show, saying most of what Amish Mafia depicts is so bogus that you would have to be totally uninformed about the Amish to accept it, and they are right.   However, what it amounts to is a couple of bottom-line facts, and let's briefly talk about those.

First, it is money.  Discovery Channel, if it were truly as educational as it claims to be, should pull the show off the air immediately being it does misrepresent a whole community, but they won't because they have ratings.  Ratings are the only things that big corporate broadcasters like Discovery understand, because they will push any agenda that sells their product.  And, the reason they are exploiting the Amish is simple - the nonviolent nature and convictions of the Amish religion make them a viable target, because the Amish don't fight back.  If they did this with Evangelicals, Catholics, or Jews, they would have so many lawsuits hitting them that probably Discovery would be out of business, and rightfully so.   And, unfortunately, as long as the Amish (who eschew using media for religious reasons) refuse to fight this, Discovery will continue to slander their community with many of the lies spewed by Amish Mafia and similar shows (yes, there are more of them!). And, the reason for that is Discovery is making a filthy profit off this sensationalist stuff.

Second, there is a propensity to slam and slander traditional religious groups in the US now, as we become an increasingly secularized culture.  Whenever religion is portrayed in a positive light - such as that mess called Preachers of LA, which chronicles the lives of several primarily super-wealthy African-American Pentecostal megachurch pastors and their playboy lifestyles - there is often a motive;  the reason many of the "pastors" in shows like Preachers of LA are viewed positively is because they represent a compromised Christianity and not the true faith of millions of faithful Evangelicals in the US.  Or, it is due to trying to sensationalize what many view as an eccentric religious practice - such as the serpent-handlers in the Appalachians - but it backfires because for some reason a real picture of those people comes through (take that series Snake Salvation - which was actually good - that was also on Discovery - once the serpent-handlers on there looked like normal people, the show was cancelled - go figure!) that endears them.  Bottom line is, Discovery and others are not about the intellectual enhancement of their viewers, but rather the spatial enhancement of their own bank accounts.  So, if slandering a certain religious community draws ratings, then it will be exploited to the limits, and what better target than a community of Christians who don't even watch TV and espouse a conviction of nonviolence?  

Again, for us who know Church history and have some familiarity with the Amish and Mennonite communities, Amish Mafia is an obvious exercise in fiction that can safely be watched.  But, unfortunately the audience Amish Mafia is reaching is made up of mostly ignorant people who know little about the Amish, and who for some reason feel that Discovery, due to its educational-documentary reputation, can do no wrong - therefore, it's gotta be true, right?  To most of those viewers - and I mean no disrespect when I say this - I would say that it would be better to set down those cellphones and other gadgets and actually pick up some books (surely you remember what a book is, right?  That bound paper thing with thousands of words on pages - very enriching activity if you take the challenge to read one!) that, if you don't have them at home, you can easily find at a little place called a library.   If more viewers would actually take the time to inform themselves about stuff like this, we might be in better shape as a country.  Also, it is worth mentioning that there are efforts to combat gross misinformation about the Amish as conveyed in stuff like Amish Mafia, and they are worth taking a look at.  For one, the Governor of Pennsylvania, Tom Corbett, has made a commendable stand against media propaganda against the Amish and others.  In a statement the Governor signed with 19 other state officials, it was stated that "By misrepresenting the Amish as a crime-ridden culture, the show gives, by association, the same impression of Lancaster County. It changes the image of the county from one of pastoral beauty, where people are devoted to faith, family and friends, to one of banal ugliness." (http://www.pennlive.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2014/08/governor_corbett_amish_mafia.html). The Governor has been accused by the producers - and they ironically wrote it into the story line of the season's episodes (go figure!) - of protecting Lancaster tourism, political leveraging (which makes no sense, as the Amish don't vote - again, go figure!) and other nonsense.  But, Gov. Corbett and the statement are correct, and I would stand by it myself.  Also, a new group called "Respect Amish" has been formed to combat the negative propaganda spewed against the Amish in shows like Amish Mafia, and this is the Joint Statement they issued, which was a very commendable effort:

"Many Lancaster County residents are concerned about the negative, inaccurate and potentially
damaging portrayal of Amish religion and culture in the Discovery Channel’s “Amish Mafia” TV series.
These shows vilify the Amish religious way of life, suggesting that a peaceful people devoted
to non-violence are vengeful, violent and criminal.
The Amish are horrified, shamed and embarrassed by the show’s depiction of their religion and
culture. While their religious beliefs forbid them from public objection to this portrayal, their
spokesmen have expressed deep appreciation and support for the efforts of others to foster respect
for their community.
At their core, this television series engages in religious bigotry. “Amish Mafia” is no more acceptable
than “Jewish Mafia,” “Catholic Mafia or “Evangelical Mafia.” The show is an affront to all
people of faith.
By misrepresenting the Amish as a crime-ridden culture, the show gives, by association, the same
impression of Lancaster city and county. It changes the image of the county from one of pastoral
beauty, where people are devoted to faith, family and friends, to one of banal ugliness.
Each of us has a responsibility to consider how we, and members of our faith community, would
feel if these shows attacked us as they are attacking the Amish. All religions observe some form
of the Golden Rule – that we treat others as we would want to be treated. To stand by silently
while these shows mistreat the Amish in our community would make us complicit in breaking that
rule."  (accessed from http://www.respectamish.org/ on March 13, 2015)

I agree with this statement, and the purpose of this article today is to show my support for the efforts of good people like those at Respect Amish as well as governmental leaders like Tom Corbett.  Discovery of course is raising a stink by writing slander against these good people into the story lines of the episodes of Amish Mafia (thanks in part to one of its producers, none other than the supposed SchwarzAmische himself, Alan Beiler - Beiler is no jailbird, never has been Amish, and is a professional actor who for some reason wants to pick on the Amish and pick the pockets of others doing it.  The real crime Beiler is guilty of is picking the pockets of many viewers watching this stuff!).  Discovery is threatened because its cash cow is on the verge of being turned into hamburger by informed citizens who are sick of media exploitation, and by all means it is time to send the Discovery "cash cow" to the slaughterhouse now!  Although I have watched Amish Mafia to stay informed of many gross errors it has in its portrayal of Amish life, it would not be something I would miss personally if it went away.  So, my prayers are with Gov. Corbett and the Respect Amish people for their success - Lord knows something must be done.  God bless until next time.

Sources of Inspiration

It has been some time since I have been able to post a good article, and for good reason.  Now that I have a break for a short bit, I will catch you all up on what's been happening.

To begin, as you may have read in my year-end post last year, I have switched majors at Franciscan University of Steubenville to the Catechetics program.  I probably will finish up in the same amount of time, as it is the same number of credits, but I have a lot of work with these courses that has been keeping me pretty busy the past couple of months.  It more than likely will continue to be like that probably for the next year, so I will be somewhat limited in writing.

I wanted to now talk about some more specific things that have been on my mind lately.  For one, I have recently really taken to a classic work of music, that being Shostakovich's Seventh Symphony (or the Leningrad).  Dmitri Shostakovich composed that great work in 1941, at around the time the great city of St. Petersburg was being beseiged by Nazi offensive forces.  Shostakovich wrote the piece as a patriotic work, and although he was not a great fan of Josef Stalin's, he did love his "Mother Russia" and wanted to awaken a sense of patriotism in his people. It is a very majestic and beautiful symphonic work, and it invokes in my own soul a great desire to stand against forces today that threaten the way of life I hold dear.  This one now can be counted along with Sibelius' Finlandia, Aaron Copland's Appalachian Spring (which makes me homesick for my native West Virginia whenever I hear it), and of course Igor Stravinsky's Le Sacre du Printemps as well as Petrouchka and The Firebird.  I don't know how many of you folks reading this can relate, but I have an endless soundtrack of great music like this in my mind that resonates almost constantly, but it is good to hear it this way too.  I am listening to the Seventh Symphony now on a disc as I write this, and something about that great music makes my spirit soar - good music should do just that too.

When I used to sketch years ago, I often listened to certain music that inspired my creations too - listening to a certain piece of music sort of paints a picture in one's mind about what the picture should be, and it often turns out better with that inspiration.  Sketching is something I just don't have the time to do like I used to years ago, but I probably should keep in practice.  Music like this also helps me with my writing, as my flow goes better and I can write more lucidly.  On occasion, that piece of music might be something like Shostakovich's Seventh Symphony, or it could be something as simple as a Chuck Wagon Gang gospel song - I have been inspired by both of those in different ways.  And, that leads me to another part of my discussion.

My distant ancestor, St. Vladimir, Grand Prince of Novgorod

How many of you reading this can attest, when you listen to a certain recording of music, that it strikes at something at the core of your being?  I have had that happen to me many times, and it is almost directly related to my above creative interests in writing and sketching in that it unfolds something that is inherently part of my overall makeup.  Many of you by now know my genealogy, and that I have aristocratic blood via one of my distant ancestors, Sir Thomas West (the Third Lord De la Warr).  One of the figures that pops up in my family tree is Prince Vladimir of Novgorod, or St. Vladimir of the Rus.   In  AD 988, St. Vladimir was baptized a Christian, and Russia has a deep Orthodox Christian identity thanks to my ancestor Vlad's conversion.  When I listen to Russian symphonic music (contrary to the popular terminology, Stravinsky, Shostakovich, Prokofiev, and other modern Russian composers are not "classical" - they are 20th century composers of their own genre) it resonates with something deep in my soul that connects me to Kievan Rus and my roots there.  I am a proud American of Russian heritage because of that, and I am blessed to have that Slavonic DNA interwoven in my genetic blueprint.  I am equally proud of everything else I am too though - I am a Pennsylvania Dutch, a Muskogee Creek Indian, a descendant of French Huguenots, a Jew, and a scion of nobility, all simultaneously.  WIth the blood of Charlemagne, William the Conqueror, Constantine, and so many other royal personages in my veins, my DNA is a history book of Western civilization.  God has blessed me in that regard, and it gives me a clearer sense of the identity I have been gifted by God with.   And, recently, that identity has given me some reflection on something serious.

We in the US are under a cultural onslaught of things that essentially seek to destroy and undermine Western civilization, and something must be done about that.  Especially with the demonic scourge that is radical Islam, which is slaughtering innocent Coptic, Assyrian, and other Christians as well as Jews and other minorities in the Middle East, in particular with the rise of ISIS in the past year or so, it has become imperative that we who are traditionalist, monarchist-leaning Christians need to step up to the plate, and quite honestly, the only way that Islamic extremism can be successfully combatted is by doing so on its own terms - show no mercy.  That is why I believe that maybe it is time we call a Crusade against wicked forces like ISIS, and begin to put Islam in its place.  There are many ways this can be done, and different people may feel called to different aspects of the same work, but it must be done.  If not, we risk a serious threat from radical Islam.  We cannot rely on people like Obama for this either - Obama is a traitor to the country he was supposedly elected to lead (as Rudy Giuliani correctly and astutely pointed out a couple of weeks back), and he is as much a part of the problem as ISIS.  It has to start at the grassroots and work its way up until we neutralize the threat of ISIS and the demonic Islamist agenda it has.  My own ancestors, such as Charles Martel, fought to keep Islam from corrupting and destroying Western civilization, and now I am starting to feel that it is up to me, through whose own veins the noble blood of Charles Martel flows, to do my part to defeat ISIS and those like them.  I don't necessarily feel the need to take up physical arms against ISIS or anything, but perhaps I can inspire and encourage those who have been persecuted by these evil dogs as well as those who are making a courageous stand against them.  I believe that a new breed of Crusader could take the Shostakavich Seventh Symphony, and appropriate it to our cause - we, like the many valiant Russians who fought off the brutal Nazi aggressors back during World War II, can be inspired by the great music that built Western civilization like this piece did.  We need to start by being creative in punishing Islamic terrorists instead of rewarding them, and I have an idea I would like to propose.  In the US - particularly in the Southeast - there is an explosive population of feral wild hogs - they are mean, they cause billions in damage to farmland and other real estate, and they carry disease.  However they are also good meat - if you have ever had the privelege of eating a wild boar porkchop, it tastes like a T-bone steak, seriously!  I believe the feral hog problem and dealing with dangerous Islamic terrorists can be dealt with in one major action.  First, the feral hogs need to be rounded up and controlled in such a way that they can remain alive.  Now, the terrorist part of it.  Islam strongly forbids any association with pigs - no eating pork, no raising them on farms, etc.  If a devout Muslim even touches a pig, they believe their soul is imperiled.  So, I got an idea.  When we catch these Islamic terrorists, why not throw them into an enclosure with a bunch of these feral hogs, and let the hogs dispense the justice?   I will tell you one thing - if we did that, Islamic terrorists would think twice about attacking any American, that is for sure!  I think solutions like this take care of more than one problem, and again it is the only language a radical Islamist will understand.  I would probably get into some hot water for even proposing  something like this, but you know something, who cares anymore??  I hear so much crap that offends my sensitivities these days, and no one seems to take that into consideration, and therefore why should I have to be held to that standard??  If this offends you, suck it up and keep your hatemails to yourself, because I have the freedom to speak my convictions too.

Well, I have essentially said my piece for tonight, so I will end there.  I hope to write again in the near future, so take care, and keep your chins up.