Provision and Some Other Thoughts

 As I write this week again, I am in a much better frame of mind than usual.  Yesterday, I successfully defended my dissertation, and for all intents and purposes, I am now Dr. David Thrower.  This for me is a major milestone, as a Ph.D. has been on my bucket list for almost 40 years, and now we are there.  Granted, originally my doctorate was going to be in a theological discipline, but God didn't open that door so I am a historian instead.  But, that is OK by me - I did what I set out to do, and that is what is important. I may devote a discussion to my Ph.D. journey at some point, as it is an idea a friend had that actually is not really a bad one at all.  

My discussion today centers upon a homily I heard at Mass Sunday.  Due to conservation of gas, we decided to attend Mass locally at St. Mary's here in Hagerstown, and to be honest, it is a good parish and I actually do appreciate their Masses.  The new rector of the parish, Fr. James Boric, is a young priest who has a lot of passion for his vocation.  The homily yesterday centered around the first Sunday reading, which was Exodus 16.   The passage in this chapter had to do with the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and God's provision of the manna.  While Fr. Boric focused on that emphasizing the Eucharistic dimension (which it does have), I immediately got another application from it that hits closer to home.  One aspect of the story is that God continued to provide the manna to sustain the people while they were in the wilderness, and when they arrived at their "promised land," the manna stopped at that point.  Let me now give a personal application of this, as it was profound.

The past 3-4 years for me have been a struggle - not being employed practically the whole duration of my doctoral program, and also going through a divorce, the loss of both my parents, and so many other things.  During that time thankfully, God sustained me.  First, it was the COVID-19 stimulus, which included a couple of large checks as well as extra UI benefits. Second, after my dad passed away in 2020, I did receive some money from his estate that helped to take care of many things I needed.  Third, due to limited income, I was automatically eligible for SNAP, and that helped for almost 4 years.  Fourth, my school provided me with refunds in excess of my tuition costs, which also helped tremendously.  Finally, during COVID, I did also receive rental assistance through the ERAP program that helped a lot.  However, in the past couple of years, those things have slowly gone away.  I finished my UI benefits at the end of 2021, my ERAP payments ended at the beginning of 2023, my SNAP ended in April of this year, and due to finishing my doctoral degree, I won't be getting any further student refunds because I won't be in school.  This actually put me into a very precarious situation, and I have been relying heavily on God for answers.  Then, I hear this homily yesterday, and it made me realize something - maybe the loss of all that means that I am on the proverbial banks of the Jordan ready to cross into my "promised land."  There are a couple of other details about this from Sunday I want to get into now, as they do play into the whole picture.

Even before the homily at Mass, something happened in church that was really phenomenal.  I felt a lightness, as if every burden was being lifted and that all was going to be OK.  Then, if that was not enough, while Fr. Boric was giving his homily, I blinked my eyes for a second and I saw something amazing - over Fr. Boric's head, it looked like Christ himself was standing with his arms outstretched over him as he celebrated Mass.  That hasn't happened in a number of years, and it was just so amazing.  I feel as if now a breakthrough of some sort is coming, and I will definitely welcome it. Also, I think in preparation for this, the past week I spent trying to really search things, and I began doing two things.  One, I started to repent of things I felt I was doing wrong.  Secondly, I began to start thinking of things to be thankful for, and incorporated them into my daily prayers.  A third thing I did was I pulled out my shrine setup and constructed a sacred space in my bedroom with it - mind you, I haven't had a shrine up in over 13 years, since we lived in Largo back then.  I have noticed a different atmosphere in the house too, and I very much welcome it.  I hope that in sharing this others can be encouraged as well.

Due to the schedule this week, I am going to keep things brief for today, but just wanted to share this.  Thank you for listening, and will see you here again next week.