The Dread of the Crossroads

 There are many, many things going through my mind right now as I write today, and I want to tackle this eclectic mess of thoughts as organized as I possibly can.  Therefore, please bear with me. 

The first thing is an item of national news interest.  This past Friday, independent Presidential Candidate Bobby Kennedy Jr. came out and endorsed Donald Trump's campaign.  In all honesty, this is a very positive thing, as it shows that politically Americans are really waking up to the "woke" BS that has been permeating our political discourse for some time.  As everyone knows, Bobby Kennedy Jr. is the nephew of JFK, as well as the son of RFK Sr.  While somewhat more left-leaning on a lot of things, he also is a common-sense individual who sees the bigger picture, and much like Trump he is a political outsider despite being the scion of a prominent Democrat political family. What we have here now is a coalition ticket of people from all parts of the political spectrum who have a common purpose - the greater good for America and its future.  The current Democrat running, Kamala Harris, is so out-of-touch with common people that if she were to win, I would honestly question the sanity of our nation.  Her running mate, Tim Walz, is even a bigger threat to our way of life, as he is essentially a Maoist who embraces communism and all the totalitarian garbage that comes with it.  Worse still, Harris is also the sitting VP, and has been for almost 4 years.  On her watch, the nation has suffered greatly, and I feel it personally.  Electing this woman to the highest office of the land would be a mitigated disaster, and although there have been many on both sides of the political spectrum who lament about the "end of democracy" if either candidate is elected, the reality is much more imminent.  If radical leftists take over the governing structure of the US, we are in deep doo-doo, in all honesty.  If the disastrous policies of the senile old codger known as Joe Biden are any indication, it will possibly be the end of the United States as we know it.  Therefore, it will take a coalition of people from all ideological stripes who understand the gravity of the situation to avert such a disaster, and Trump's allying with Kennedy, Tulsi Gabbard, and others may be America's saving grace.  The good news is that a coalition campaign often has favorable odds to win, so this may be the blessing in disguise everyone has been praying for.  The national situation has bearings on my own personal circumstances too, and that is where I wanted to go from here today.

In all honesty, the past couple of years have been rather uncertain for me - with limited income, it has proven challenging to even keep up my rent, and as I write this I am dealing with that issue now.  There are a lot of intricacies entailed with this situation in my own personal affairs, so I wanted to spend some time unpacking some fundamental concerns I have now.  Again, please bear with me on this. 

Imagine if you will driving on a country road that is unfamiliar - it is a road you haven't been on before but maybe for some reason you have to take it as a detour or something.  You are driving along and you come to a crossroads intersection.  Not being familiar with the area, you have a decision to make - which way do you turn.  Problem is, you also do not have a map, GPS, Waze, or Google Maps available because your phone is not picking up a signal.  So, you sit there wondering where each direction is going to take you.  If you go the wrong way, God only knows where you will end up and you may end up in an isolated area where you run out of gas and are stranded. While in this day and age the likelihood of such a literal situation is minimal, when you look at it metaphorically it describes life, especially when you are faced with circumstances that warrant a quick decision but you don't have a clue as to what to do.  That is what uncertainty is, and you fear the unknown - we all do.  And, when you don't have that map or a good set of directions to show you the way, it increases the probability that you will make a wrong turn.  And, when things are critical, there is a zero room for error in deciding.  As Christians, we rely on God's guidance, but even that is not as cut-and-dry as we would prefer.  God's silence in those situations can be deafening, and it can lead one to get upset with God.  I am here to tell you that this is a normal human limitation and don't be ashamed to admit you get frustrated with God's response - we live by the deadlines of others on this earth, and it would be nice if on occasion that the same God who created all time and space would work within the time and space he expects us to live in.  Have any of you been there?  Believe me, I have - I have gotten so frustrated with God that there have been times I have called him every name in the book - it is ugly, but I also have to be honest because this can drive one nuts.  Your rent is overdue for instance, and you dread any day having a sheriff knock on your door to throw you out of your house, and you have no one to go to and no place to go.  That is not a good situation to be in. Honestly, I don't have the concise answer to give anyone about this, because I am hoping for answers myself.  The "church talk" you hear often with this often feels dismissive and crass, as others do not live your life and you want answers and not religious jargon to solve the issue.  This is what makes many "TV preachers" so disgusting, vile, and aggravating - you can "blab and grab" and confess positively all you want, but nine chances out of ten it won't work.  They claim that the Bible tells you to "claim" things, and it sounds good, but then you try it. Usually what happens is you end up more depressed and discouraged because those formulae do not work.  While the staunch faith of others can actually be encouraging, there is a difference between genuine faith and the jargon and garbage you hear from neo-Charismatic ding-dongs who like spouting crap they hear off TBN when they themselves don't have a clue. That leads me into a little soapboxing now as there are a couple of important observations I need to make here. 

First, we all know those Charismatic megachurches.  When I lived in Lakeland, there was one of them on Main Street across from where my mother lived for many years that fully bought into the whole 'name it and claim it" message.  They taught that if the right high-profile celebrity evangelist just laid hands on you, or if you pretended to speak in tongues while "claiming" things you wanted, that you would have personal victory in your life.  And, if that victory did not come, they also bought into the cruel extreme of saying something must be wrong with you then if God didn't answer those prayers or you somehow didn't speak whatever desire you had into existence.  Problem with this is that I know some of those people - they are devout, they pray, they believe without question, and they know how to "play the game" in church.  They know what angle to fall when they are "slain in the spirit," how to make garbled tongues-talk have the right rhythms, etc.  Yet. many of them suffer too.  Their faith is not in question obviously, but rather something else - many of them even get into fist-fights with unseen evil spirits they believe are stealing blessings from them, and while it does feel good and gets out some built-up frustration, does it work?  Another observation I often see at some of those big megachurches that teach this junk is the parking lots - when you drive by such a "church," how many BMWs, Rolls Royces, and Lambourghinis do you see?  Probably not many, unless you look at the pastor and church staff reserved parking spots - they seem to be really "blessed" don't they?   And, where are all the news reports of miraculous healings and resurrections from the dead??  No matter how much Rodney Howard-Browne cackles like Kamala Harris, or how many guts Todd Bentley punches (all "in the Spirit" of course!), fact is most of the cars you will see in those church parking lots are going to either be so rickety they could fall apart, or their drivers owe a huge debt on them which could be in the thousands of dollars - one layoff or family emergency and their car is repossessed.  That is the true picture of life. Now, I personally am not against miracles, healings, or financial blessing - God can definitely provide those if he wants to.  My concerns go a bit deeper. Let me elaborate.

Imagine you are a fairly intelligent and capable person.  You are efficient, organized, well-educated, and your resume looks amazing.  Yet, you lose your income and it doesn't seem like potential employers are knocking down your door, does it?  Then, funds start to run out, and you get behind on the rent you are paying too much for to begin with because the area you live in is over-priced yet offers few opportunities.  You are now in a vulnerable "red zone" of life, and you cannot afford to waste any time because there is a zero margin of error in regard to your situation.  So, you have decisions to make - you may be in a place where you are facing this all alone, and every time you try to ask for help you get a door slammed in your face - after a while, it gets very desperate.  You are now at that crossroads mentioned earlier.  You don't know where to turn, and God is your only help, yet for some reason he tends to be silent when you need him the most.  How does one deal with this?  I honestly wish I had those answers because I would share them with anyone who needs it, but I struggle too.  All I can say is to be persistent.  Let me explain that now.

The one thing that the "blab and grab" crowd gets right is that God has made promises, and his Word is supposed to be infallible and eternal.  But, at times, we feel as if we are somehow not qualified to get those promises, and that is where we need to know what Scripture actually says.  There seems to be a lot of places in the Bible that talk about contending for things, and my experience has taught me a couple of things.  First, what you are contending for needs to be realistic.  As some Fundamentalists accurately say, God is definitely not a vending machine where you insert a prayer and he farts out your blessing.  Rather, if you worked hard for something, then you can stake the claim on it.  For instance, you are in need of a job, and you have a proven track record of experience in your field.  Or, you have the proper education to get that job you want.  I have found out that getting doors slammed in one's face constantly can lead to a lot of broken and bruised noses, and after a while you can only take so much.  And, we are not alone - remember Genesis 32:22-32?  If you recall that, Jacob was in a mess - he was fearing for his life and he was afraid his brother Esau was going to basically kill him and all his family he was bringing back from Egypt.  So, in the middle of the night, he is obviously not able to sleep due to the fear and worry he is experiencing, so he decides to take a nightly stroll.  He is grabbed by a huge figure, and a struggle ensues.  It doesn't take Jacob long to realize an angel of God was engaging in this struggle with him, so he grabs the angel, and demands, "Bless me now!"  And, it happens.  Turns out the reunion with Esau is actually a warm one, and they make up.  And, Jacob (now called Israel, meaning "one who prevails with God") becomes the father of the very nation God would use to save the rest of humanity.  The takeaway from this is quite simple really.  Although one attribute of God is that he is omniscient (all-knowing), for some reason he has to be reminded of what he promises us, and that can be an intense experience.  I have had my own wrestles with God in which I cussed God up oneside and down the other, and I have even threatened to stop praying, etc., to get his attention.  I did that in circumstances I knew I deserved better, and I wanted God to honor his promises, especially Philippians 4:19 ("He shall supply all of our needs according to his riches in glory.").  Over the years, I have had many such exchanges, and if anyone would hear them, they could get ugly sometimes.  But, we always make up and reconcile, and I believe God is big enough to handle my outbursts when I am upset.  In all honesty, even as I write this now I am feeling a bit frustrated with God, and I am talking to myself more than anyone right now because maybe in writing this the direction I am seeking for a very important decision will reveal itself.  And, that leads me to another point of the discussion. 

Do you ever get so frustrated that you felt like God was deaf?  The more you pray, the more deafening the silence, and that is uncomfortable especially when a situation looms before you that you really need guidance or provision for. We are human beings, and we have limits, and thus we expect God to hear us. I have often sarcastically even asked God if he wanted me to bloodlet to get his attention.  Those times have been way too frequent in my own life, and I am ready for a change.  I am at a crossroads myself, and just want direction - the direction as to what I should do would be more than sufficient to answer my prayers.  I guess I am writing this to tell you that you are not alone, as many of us have been there.  Keep contending, and especially if it is something you know rightly is yours, and in time it may happen.  I am stepping out on a lot of faith right now to say that, I will be honest with you.  But, I am not going to be like those snakes on TBN who say to "blab and grab" everything and spout endless gibberish in the name of "tongues" either - if you lose your cool with God, it's OK - I am not going to judge that, and neither should anyone else.  Hopefully that will encourage someone today, so I will leave it there and will be back next week.