As I write this tonight, there are a lot of things going on. A lot of it is scary, but I have also seen God's hand at work. I have spent the last week or so in a motel - I am camped out here at the Motel 6 in Charles Town for a few days - pondering so many things. Yesterday, my parish priest Fr. Grassi talked about in his homily at Mass about an odd topic - "let go of the banana." The premise of his homily was based on some experiment in which a group of monkeys were tested with a hollowed-out coconut inside of which was placed a banana. A small hole just big enough for the monkey's hand was placed in the coconut, and the objective was for the monkey to grab the banana and pull it out. However, the banana was bigger than the hole, and as long as the monkey held onto it the banana was stuck. Fr. Grassi's point was that we do that all the time in our lives - we attempt to hold onto things we should be letting go of. I got a serious lesson in that last Friday when we had to move due to some complications with our rental situation. Because of time constraints, I had to leave a large study library, my entire music collection, and a lot of other stuff behind. It is a little hard to adjust to, but through it I also began to realize several things:
1. Sometimes to move forward, we have to let go of things that encumber us. As much as I loved my library and my music collection, to be honest it has been a logistics nightmare over the years to transport them from place to place. At some point I may gain it all back, but it will be when I am in a better and more permanent position to house them.
2. Although I loved that stuff, the important thing to remember is just that - it is just stuff. It can be replaced, and like Job's story in the Bible, the replacement may be better than the original.
3. It could be that God was maybe answering my prayer in a way I didn't expect. I have heard an expression that God doesn't let things fall apart, but rather he lets them fall in place. Oddly, despite the chaos of the sudden move and the physical and mental strain it has had on me, God is at work - he provided in such an abundant way for my needs now that my faith has grown. I see myself coming out of this better at some point.
Now, the good thing is that I didn't lose everything. For one thing, all of my important papers, pictures, and other items of sentimental value have been preserved, and they are safely stored in a storage unit between here and Martinsburg. Much of that is my original work, and it is irreplaceable. I am thankful I was able to do that. Also, my pets are all with me too - two cats, my bunny, and my three birds. The two cats both have had their own trauma being dragged from place to place, but they are resilient. There are some other changes to talk about too, so I will get into those as well.
As of Friday, Barbara and I are no longer under the same roof. She is living in a rented room close to where she works in Gaithersburg, but she isn't totally happy about it. She has to share the place with three guys, and her sisters (that's a story in itself!) more or less forced her into that situation because their objective is to micromanage her life. In my opinion, she made a mistake even getting them involved in this, because their intentions are for themselves rather than for Barbara's wellbeing. She wants out, and I am praying for that to happen for her. Barbara too does deserve so much more than that, and I pray God is with her. Her sisters also have never particularly liked me, and they did this to cut us off from each other too. I have missed her actually, because in all honesty we have lived under the same roof together for probably more than 32 years until now. Although we divorced three years ago, we still have always been friends and that will never change. Barbara is like a sister to me, and to be honest she has been wonderful company to me over the years too. But, we still chat and talk almost daily, despite her sisters threatening to cut her off if she even talks to me. Ultimately, God's will is bigger than a bunch of evil micromanaging siblings, so this too will have a good conclusion, I know it.
While I had accepted the fact that one day Barbara and I would go our separate ways as we are no longer a married couple, I don't believe this is the way it was supposed to happen. But, it has, and now is the adjustment to new life. I am still somewhat scared, and the uncertainty of the future lingers a bit, but I also see God working. He did so in a very important way this week that I want to share now.
A month or so back, I got this call from the principal of the Christo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore. He was very impressed with my credentials, and although things got off to a rocky start, he called me a couple of weeks ago to do a working interview - in this case, teaching a demo Theology class to a group of 13 high school juniors. The interview almost did not happen. The original day I was to do it, we were told we had to move out of our house. The following Tuesday after, I was given the wrong departure time for the train from Harpers Ferry, and ended up missing the interview then too - but the blessing came from meeting Karan Townsend, the owner of the Town's Inn in Harpers Ferry, and the day had a blessing of its own. But, last Thursday was the charm - I made it to the interview, had a good experience teaching the class, and the principal was very impressed with me. The next step in that happened this morning when he asked for references, which I gladly provided him. The position looks like it will be a sure thing, and I may even be considered as a department chair as well - this would be the dream job. For those reading this, your prayers are always appreciated.
At this point, a lot is still uncertain - I have a bunch of hurdles in front of me yet, and with limited resources it can be a bit overwhelming. But, God's hand has been all over this too, and somehow this is all going to come together. I won't be writing as much now, as I need to get all settled into a more permanent place, but I will keep you posted as best I can on what happens. Thanks for listening, and God's blessings to you.
