The New Chapter

As I write this, I am doing so in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the nation - Baltimore.  I am no stranger to Baltimore, as I actually spent my kindergarten year atttending Stuart Hill Academy nearby on Gilmor Street back in 1975 (my goodness, that was almost 50 years ago!).  The Baltimore I knew then was a big city too, but a large number of our family lived over near Wilkins Avenue on the west end of town.  As I accepted the job of Theology teacher at Christo Rey Jesuit High School and we also had to do an unplanned move a few weeks back, a number of circumstances have led to me being here now.  This is my first day here actually, as I moved in last night, and my feelings are mixed about this right now.  For one, I am really actually going to miss the more laid-back ambience of Hagerstown, about 65 miles west of here, and this is the first time I have lived in the middle of a big city in over 20 years (the last being St. Petersburg, FL).  There are many emotions going through me as I write this - a sentimentality of the past, a heaviness of not having Barbara still close by (she is in Rockville), a little nervousness about starting this new position on the 4th, a little fear about the neighborhood (there were fights outside last night that were disturbing, and the gang graffiti is not something I am too happy about), and yet I am also somewhat excited about the possibilities at the same time.  My life has been dismantled, reassembled, and much of the dust created by it still hasn't settled yet.  Yet, there is also a reassurance - God has been in all of this, and I feel him with me in everything right now.  That assures me that I am on the right track at least and this is something totally different than I have ever experienced in my life.  It has been a lot to take in, and as a historian I make some parallels to certain things which relate.  Let me get into one of those now.

I am a student of late Roman antiquity, as the "fall" of the Roman Empire in AD 476 is a fascinating subject.  I have watched documentaries on that, read many books on the topic, and it was one of the three areas I was exploring for a dissertation when I was completing my Ph.D.  The thing about ancient Rome is that in reality it never actually "fell."  The Eastern part of the Empire lasted for another thousand years, and in the West, a series of entities kept the legacy of Rome alive politically up to the end of World War I.  Original Roman Empire faded and somewhat disintegrated, but the pieces were picked up by subsequent kingdoms and it lived on.  My life too is like that right now.  I lost a lot in this move - while I believe I salvaged about 60% of what I wanted to keep, I still had substantial losses of things.  But, the spirit of what inspired me to collect the books and music I once had still lives strong within me, and I will rebuild at some point.  When I signed my lease for this place with a very nice landlord named Andy last night, a new chapter was opened in my life.  It is not starting out like much now - I have only a room to claim as my dominion as compared with a whole house just a couple of months ago, and the integral aspects of my life are at this point stored in a container in Martinsburg almost 2 hours away.  I have few resources - mostly just my clothes, my food, and a few things I need - and money will be tight at least until I earn my first paycheck in mid-November.  But, from humble beginnings will arise great things, and this is in essence a fresh start, a new beginning, and to be honest there is a level of excitement about it amidst the apprehension and fear I am feeling now.  Also, unlike my stay in motels over the past three weeks, at least I don't have to worry at this point about not knowing where I will sleep another night - I am good here for a while, and that takes a lot of burden away.  In time, I will have a home of my own again, and with the salary I am going to be making from my new teaching position, that could happen in a matter of months.  But, for now, it is in my best interest to just allow for some recovery and to begin to get things back in order again, and that will take a little time.  

Looking at this place I am in - it is an old Baltimore rowhouse, brick on the outside and stucco walls on the inside - I obviously have many thoughts running through my head.  I am sharing the place with two other guys.  One, Joel, is a stonemason by trade and is a middle-age man with a blue collar demeanor.  The other, Jason, is a young Mexican-American student who I actually had the pleasure of talking to, and turns out he is a nice young man and I think we will all get along well.  The landlord, Andy, is a very empathetic man who also displays a strong faith and he has been in the business of refurbishing these rowhouses for a number of years (he is my age actually).  Now the neighborhood leaves much to be desired - this is inner Baltimore, and because it has somewhat of a reputation, I am not planning on staying at this place very long (maybe a couple of months at the most).  But, it's a roof over my head, and I will make the best of it, especially when I start earning a little more income soon and can begin to establish some sort of life again.  I do really miss Barbara though, but thankfully she is fairly close by too.  We are talking about eventually having our own place again, as I don't think God wants us to be apart from each other and we still need to rely on each other for so many things.  So, we will see what happens.

Another asset of this place is that it is not the Motel 6 anymore thank goodness!  Being in that motel for almost the better of three weeks was one of the most hellish experiences I have ever faced, and I never want to go through anything like that again!  However, God used many good people to help me during all that, and I am thankful for each and every one of them.  I may be still relying on a little help from someone until my first check comes in, but at least it won't be a day-to-day battle for survival like it was there.  I also do have all the animals with me except the birds - all three cats, and my rabbit Zoe.  I am thinking about rehoming Zoe, and pray to God I can do so soon.  Although I love that little bunny, she is becoming a huge responsibility that is hard for me to handle, and she needs a more secure home.  If I do keep her, it will also cost me more here too.  So, my prayer is that she has a potential family that will adopt her.  Then, in all reality, I will have just my two cats (Lily and Tippy) as well as taking care of Mickey for Barbara until she can get a place to take him herself.  Pets do complicate things unfortunately, but they are also blessings in themselves too as they give much-needed companionship when one feels so alone. 

So, as it stands, a new chapter has begun, just in time for my 55th birthday, and many details are still coming together for me even as I am writing this now.  This is just the opening paragraph of that chapter, so we have yet to see how it will come together.  I have to keep reminding myself that God ultimately has this, and that he would not bring me this far for nothing.  And, that is a lesson so many need right now, as it is easy to get exhausted and on the verge of surrender even when seeing God's hand at work.  There is still much to do, but we are on the right way now.  Please continue to remember me in your prayers, and I will post continual updates on this journey.  Thanks for visiting today, and see you next time.