Recovery and Reflection

 As I write today, I am on the mend from a nasty bout of flu I have suffered with for the past couple of days.  It got me two days off work, and I was able to get some rest which was nice, although the miserable feeling of body aches and a nagging cough don't afford much.  It seems like a number of people at work were hit with the same thing too - many of the kids were out of school, and at least 7 teachers (including myself) called in yesterday.  I am thinking it has something to do with the sub-Arctic conditions we have had with our weather over the past several weeks - January has been one of the coldest months in a while on record, in at least 8 years.   The last time it was this chilly out was in 2017 at around this time, when Barbara, Mom, and I had just moved to Hagerstown from Florida.  I caught a nasty bout of the flu then too I recall.  I am starting to pine for Spring now - a little snow is OK, but this has been ridiculous.  Today it is a comfortable 46 degrees out, and my own temperature has stabilized at 98.8 - after at least two days of being over 100.  I am also preparing to eat my first full meal I have had in several days - the flu will rob your appetite, and I have been eating extremely light since Saturday.  So, I have a nice pizza on the way now to me which will be a good way to break the viral fast I have been compelled to be under.  While I was at home I had a lot of time to reflect - when I could, that is - and there are some things I want to share today.

To begin, starting last Thursday I re-watched both The Winds of War and War and Remembrance, two of the best mini-serial movies ever produced.  The last time I watched these was 3 years ago not long after Mom had passed away - it reflected my melancholy at the time in all honesty.  Being both a history buff as well as also just a major admirer of those movies in general, it was good to watch them again.  Being sick meant that I could binge-watch them over the course of the past three days, and so I did.  Both of these movies came out when I was still in high school, and they are based on two novels of the same names by Jewish-American author Herman Wouk.  I had attempted to read the novels too in high school but never managed to conquer them, although I plan on doing so soon.  I won't give you a synopsis of the books or the movies based on them, but what I wanted to do instead was reflect on the movies themselves and how they affect me personally.

In our weekly faculty meeting for our 11th-grade team last week, we did an icebreaker exercise that entailed naming what fictional character in a book or movie we would like to be.  I chose Dr. Aaron Jastrow from these two books/films.  Dr. Jastrow, who in the story is a prominent Jewish-American writer and professor, captivates me in that in many ways I am a lot like him too.  Like Dr. Jastrow, I embrace both my current religious identity as a Catholic, but also have strong ties to my religious past too.  It amounts to what I have taught for years that one's testimony is integral, and for someone to be truly Catholic, it is important to embrace what led to one's union with the Church.  This perhaps applies more to converts like myself, but it implications are potent when it comes to knowing oneself.  In the case of Aaron Jastrow, it led to his demise in a Nazi gas chamber at Auschwitz, and in perhaps one of the most powerful scenes of the entire movie, as Dr. Jastrow is in that chamber, stripped of all his clothes and minutes away from asphyxiation from the Zyklon B gas the demonic SS guards dump into the chamber, he is reciting the 23rd Psalm - The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...  His dying words are an affirmation of his faith in God and his identity as a Jewish man, despite years of trying to reconcile with the society around him.  There is a valuable lesson in this, and I want to go for that now for us as Catholics.

I work at a Jesuit high school in Baltimore, and as it is well known, the Jesuits tend to be extremely liberal theologically.  The administration of the school right now is lamenting President Trump's securing of our borders and they are almost making a political statement out of it.  This is despite some faculty members saying that in regard to Catholic teaching, it should be jettisoned because of "education not indoctrination."  OK, fine - so then, why are they pushing political indoctrination then? I have yet to see any of the faculty at our school participate in March for Life or any other cause that extolls the Church's teaching on the sanctity of life, yet they are really pushing this immigration thing.  I am fully aware that we do have a high proportion of Hispanics in the student body, but in all honesty most of them were born here.  And, despite my reservations about the Biden immigration disaster, I am not necessarily against immigration either - just obey the laws doing so is all.  If Catholic hierarchs were really that concerned about immigration, then maybe what they need to do is help make illegals legal by following the law in this case.  And, that includes even Pope Francis, who with all due respect needs to shut up and stay out of the immigration debate in this country.  Like some others have said, if Francis is so concerned, then why not take them in at the Vatican then?  We all know the answer to that, and nothing will change.  Francis, for a positive, is old now, so thankfully his pontificate is soon to be over, and I hate to say it but good riddance when it is over.  A lot of faithful Catholics feel the same way about this too, and with legitimate reasons.  We need serious reform in the Church, but a reform that restores our Catholic faith.  Get rid of the politicians and pedophiles in the hierarchy and elect holy men of God who are true shepherds to be our bishops.  Give the Latin Mass back its status and stop punishing people for wanting to celebrate it.  And, be a voice for traditional values and not merely a political mouthpiece for billionaire oligarchs.  If all of this happens, the Church can be restored and reformed. But, it's a tall order. May God have the grace to make it happen for us.

The past several months have been a time of upheaval and transition for me, and I have needed to rethink so much recently.   Being in a somewhat oppositional environment workwise with some liberal CINOs I have started reflecting again on my own story - what makes my own faith in other words.  There are many things I do miss about my religious past - the Baptist conventions, Pentecostal campmeetings and revivals, and the Anglican synods I used to attend.  I also miss the beauty of Eastern liturgies too, both Catholic and Orthodox.  I even miss some of the eschatological talk and other things too, and although I don't believe like a dispensationalist anymore, admittedly there was a sort of appeal to their ideas, and those guys were prolific authors.  And, the Evangelicals of 30 years ago - they lost their fire too.  Back then they had some real cultural warriors - Jerry Falwell, D. James Kennedy, Chuck Colson, etc.  Now, they are all gone.  Sure, the shells of their former ministries live on, but as commentator Michael Knowles aptly stated, the Evangelicals now have largely gone "squish."  It seems like in recent decades the mantle of cultural warrior has shifted to faithful Catholics, and we are even getting opposition in our own churches in many cases for it.  There is no doubt that a battle for the soul of the Church is taking place, and it's starting to look like the lines are drawn now.   Will there be a schism in the Church?  That remains to be seen, but as I have said many times, I will always side with orthodoxy and if a split happens, I plan on being with the orthodox side.  I do not know if saying all this would even put my job at a Jesuit high school at risk, but if I have learned one thing it is this - I have to stand for what is right.  If that costs me my job, so be it - I have lost far more in the past several months so I have nothing to lose.  Like Professor Jastrow, I am drawing my line in the sand, and it doesn't mean things will be easy for sure.  But, I also recall what Fr. Grassi said to me - be a beacon of truth.  And that I shall.

I could go on and on about all this today, but I feel this is sufficient for now.  I will hopefully have more lucid insights to share later, so be safe until next time.

Is This a New Era?

 It is January 20th as I write this - it is 26 degrees outside and we have MORE snow on the ground, and there are flurries blowing around out there now. I am off school today as it is Martin Luther King Day, and it is also the day Mr. Trump is being inaugurated as the 47th President of our nation - that births optimism in me, as the past four years under the senile old fool named Joe Biden were a nightmare.  Trump being back in office means so many things - it means a possible end to the runaway inflation, a drilling policy to tap into our own petroleum supply, and most importantly, an end to all the "woke" BS that most of the country is frankly sick of.  I feel very good about all this, and hopefully my good feeling has justification. 

This past week has been a crazy one - a corrupt postal carrier failed to deliver some of my packages, and I am in the process of getting him taken care of now.  Also, dealing with 11th graders can have its own challenges - you would think at their age they would not act like babies, but on Friday I had one that I wish I could have booted into Baltimore Harbor.  The kid - we will call him Zack to protect his identity - was just being plain obnoxious, and I had to report him to his parents as well as writing him up.  As a teacher, I am not overly enthusiastic about calling anyone's parents on them, but in some cases it is a necessity. Zack was one of those - he was loud, disruptive, and in all honesty I wish I had the power to expel his rebellious butt. He is one of a group of around 8 "problem children" I have in my first class of a day, and to be honest, this group is making me reconsider career options.  Thankfully though, for every jackass in a class there are also several kids who make teaching rewarding too, and I am happy for them.  Bottom line, teachers do have to earn their salaries, and often that can be an uphill battle. 

Along those same lines, let's talk about something else.  Baltimore, like every major city in the country, has a pollution problem, especially in largely Black neighborhoods.  When I walk down Greenmount Avenue to 25th Street to catch my bus to work of a morning, I noticed in particular a certain site that disturbs me.  Baltimore's signature "rowhouses" are found all over the city, and I actually live in one myself now.  Depending on the neighborhood, the typical rowhouse can either be a run-down and abandoned shell, or it can be a very beautiful residence.  The construction of many of these rowhouses incorporates a basement, and in many houses, the access to the basement is either via a stairway inside the house or an external entrance next to the front door.  One of the more deteriorated rowhouses over here on Greenmount has one of the external basement entrances, and to access it one descends a flight of about a dozen steps to the door.  At this particular house though, a bunch of irresponsible people have turned the stairway leading to the basement into a makeshift dumpster, and it is almost filled to the top with garbage.  No doubt there are rats around that area too, as the nasty garbage would naturally attract them.   Seeing that, as well as the streets littered with garbage in some neighborhoods as well as unsightly graffiti on many surfaces, I started to think about something that really could be a good campaign platform for a conservative political candidate.  Let me elaborate.

The Black community in Baltimore has for years voted overwhelmingly Democrat, and as a result, the city government here is dominated by Democrats.  Part of the Democrats' unpopular and unsuccessful agenda for decades has been the environment, including the hoaxes of global warming, climate change, etc.  You would think with such a "Green" platform and a huge Black voting base, these Democrats would be eager to clean up the garbage on the streets here.  Yet, it is precisely in Democrat-run cities that pollution is out of control (just like crime) and for all the talk of "climate change" from these career politicians, I have yet to see them clean anything up.  It also proves what a hoax the whole "green agenda" is - if they were really that concerned about it, they would be initiating cleanup programs all over the country.  However, we all know what it really is about for these Democrats - they want power, will say anything to get power, and once they get it, they don't give a damn. Even many Blacks in those certain neighborhoods know this too - so why do they keep voting these fools in?  Get promised a handout, and you will do whatever you are told when it comes to the ballot box.  Some Republicans are equally culpable on this too.  If they are really so interested in the environment, perhaps they should shut their mouths and get their lazy asses out and clean up the neighborhoods they claim to represent.  I just wanted to make that casual observation before I continue. 

Shifting gears a bit, I wanted to talk about something else that came up recently.  You know, as I get older I start noticing when people are dying off, and that has become glaringly obvious recently.  In the past month, we lost a former President (Jimmy Carter), two prominent Evangelical Protestant figures (prophecy writer Hal Lindsey and Gospel singer Nancy Harmon), some major celebrities (actresses Joan Plowright and Linda Lavin), and on a personal level a former associate pastor of a church I used to attend as well as one of my former professors have just passed away.  This also made me think about an inner commentary I wanted to touch on briefly here too. 

In the past 30 years, I have noticed some things about how different Christian denominations approach societal issues.  It used to be that it was Evangelicals who led the charge as cultural warriors - I still recall the days of stalwarts like Jerry Falwell and D. James Kennedy making a stand for religious freedom and moral reform in society.  But, as that generation of Evangelicals died off, so did the zeal and motivation that once drove them.  Nowadays, there are an increasing number of young Evangelicals who are on the political Left, and I am sure many generations of their pastors and leaders are spinning in the grave over it.  But, fortunately to fill that gap, there are more Catholics making a stand for the truth now.  I once heard someone on EWTN (maybe it was Raymond Arroyo?) remark that there are two types of Catholics today in society.  There are the Catholics who love the Church and stand for Tradition, and then there are the hierarchs and elitists in diocesan leadership who are more liberal in their views (including Pope Francis, which is frankly disturbing).  It is apparent that except for a few shining examples - Cardinal Burke, Archbishop Vigano, Bishop Strickland - the leadership of the Catholic Church is out of touch with what its people need and want.  I am seeing younger people crave Tradition, and it is such a wonderful sight to see well-dressed young men at Mass as well as young ladies wearing mantillas.  It is saying that something is happening, and it is the Holy Spirit I believe stirring those young people.  Their greatest opponents though are liberal Boomers who insist on "changing the Church with the times," and they are even popping up at Catholic schools saying "education and not indoctrination" when it comes to orthodox Church teaching, yet they then will spout their DEI and other "woke" agendas - that sounds more like indoctrination to me.  I see it among some faculty at the Jesuit high school where I teach, and to be honest I was a bit unsettled when I heard this stuff.  The good thing though is that there is a positive turn toward orthodoxy and Tradition in the Church, and in time I think that Francis and his agenda will be sidelined in history just like Arius was in the 4th century.  We see it in the general population too - there is a reason why Trump is back in the White House now, and our nation has spoken as to what it wants, and Trump is the guy many people think will deliver.  This turn back to something decent is encouraging, but for now the war still rages although our enemies are losing a lot of ground.  It marks the beginning of a new era, both for the Church and for America.  And, may it continue to move forward as we reclaim so much that was lost. 

That pretty much concludes my immediate thoughts for the week, although I am certain I shall have more to say later.  Have a good week, and will see you next time. 

The Thoughts of the Week

 As I write this today, it is on a Monday and I am home.  I was feeling a bit under the weather over the weekend and took a sick day from work.  Dealing with the handful of snarky high school juniors I teach in my first class was just not something I was up to today.  I am not sure what happened to me, but starting yesterday morning I was nauseous, lightheaded, and having headaches - I know I don't have a viral infection, as I was not congested, so not sure what is going on with that.  While I am feeling a little better today, I figured it might be a good idea to take it a little easier.  

Also, as I write this I am in the process of upgrading a few things in my home now.  I got a new compact mini-desktop computer and am in the process of hooking that up.  I have to wait for a VGA adapter to be delivered in a short while to get the monitor hooked up, but everything looks like it will be pretty easy to connect.  Technology has come a long way since the days of clunky monitors, large computer operating towers, and floppy discs - in a fraction of the space now, you can have all that same convenience, and I personally think that is a good thing.  And the flash drive - that is a genius invention!  You can save so much on those, and I have a boxful of them with practically all my documents as well as books, videos, music, etc., preserved.  While on a more comprehensive scale I am a bit wary of technology (AI, for instance, is a prequel to transhumanist eugenics, so I don't see much good coming from it), I also understand how integral it is to have technology these days.  The fact it is now more compact makes it even more appealing.  Now, if only all these damned wires could go away - those are the biggest pain.  I spent the better part of a morning detangling a mess of cords, earpieces, and other stuff that I had in a basket under my old computer desk in Hagerstown but now is in a drawer.  There were cords to things I don't think I even have anymore, and in all honesty, I question the wisdom of keeping a lot of them.  But, I keep a few on hand just in case - you never know when something like that may come in handy.  Technology then is a necessary evil - I wish there was less of it, but so much also depends on it now. 

Getting rid of my desktop - after dissassembling it and taking out the hard drive and the disc drive - was a mixed feeling.  On one hand, it does symbolize the end of the old and the emergence of the new, but on the other hand it symbolizes the same thing.  That is both a positive and a negative in other words.  With so much that has happened in the past few months, I am still digesting a lot - it could be why I was having a few physical problems that led to me taking off work today. Losing a lot of stuff at our old house, then having Lily pass away on me, as well as having to rehome my rabbit Zoe and my birds, was a lot.  Thankfully, I was able to salvage a core of my life and it is safe in a storage unit in Martinsburg, including all my most precious items such as memoirs and the core of a music collection I can begin rebuilding upon.  However, I have days where I just feel a bit overwhelmed coping with all this, and it does wear on me at times.  God is in everything right now, and I have seen his hand at work, but it still is a lot to adjust to.  I am slowly getting a number of my books back though, and now have about a shelf of them.  I know I will never get the library I used to have back, but I can get some important volumes that will aid in my research.  Until I get a permanent place and get out of just living in a rented room though, I am being prudent about how much I actually get.  The less complicated an imminent move is, the better.  New beginnings lead to good places in life, but my goodness, they are not always easy.  Any rate, I felt like sharing that today.

There is still much to sort out, and as I do so I am sure that I will start to see the bigger picture.  And, I will continue chronicling those developments here.  Thank you for allowing me to share, and will see you next time.  

Back To Work in the New Year

 As I am writing this, I am sitting in my classroom.  My students all have their work-study program today, so aside from grading and planning the week's lessons I have a little time to kill.  Outside, there are about 6 inches of snow on the ground, and it was cold this morning, adding to the fact the dumb bus was an hour late, and subsequently so was I to work.  In talking to an elderly Black gentleman at the bus stop (he was as cold and frustrated as I was, which meant talking took our mind off the late bus and the freezing temps), I got a few insights that I wanted to share as they are important. 

The Black gentleman I talked to is a veteran, and he also grew up in a small town in North Carolina - we shared that rural background in common.  He was a nice guy, but he had a couple of interesting observations I wanted to highlight as they reflect a lot.  We were talking about the bus schedule, and how that particular route generally has a history of lateness.  He had mentioned that he tried to circulate a petition to get that fixed, but people gave him opposition.  I agreed with his frustration about that, as I felt that myself on so many occasions.  Too many people are defeatist in their attitudes when it comes to the betterment of society.  They whine a lot, and they make a lot of noise, but when confronted with an opportunity to fix it, they are the first to say "oh, that is how things are, and we cannot change them."  I saw that very recently when I was experiencing some post office issues - many of the people in our neighborhood have the same issue with their mail delivery, but when they are asked to make a stand, they are like "who would listen to me?" or worse, "I don't like making a big stink and don't like people who do."  That type of attitude is why so much crap happens - the mentality that if no one listens, what does it matter anyway.  It is a dangerous attitude to have, as it is essentially the sin of complacency.  Making change to something can be a battle, and it is not promised to be easy, but if enough people get the message perhaps something could happen.  Imagine what could be accomplished if that attitude was defeated in society.  And, that leads me to something relating to what I am teaching to my kids in my classes now.

Our Jesuit lay campus minister at the school is basically a nice guy - I believe him to be sincere, and think he does have noble intentions.  But, he is extremely misguided on so many things when it comes to social justice.  Being he spent time in Latin America, he is extremely sympathetic to some revolutionary movements there, and he is quick to blame the United States and the governing regimes in some nations for what he believes is "injustice."  I have a couple of things to say about that momentarily, but want to finish this thought first.   In teaching a class called Sacraments and Morality to the kids here, one of the things I want them to understand is the Ten Commandments (or Decalogue, in Catholic theology).  The Church breaks down these laws into two groups - three of them have to do with our relationship to God, and the other seven address how people should relate to each other.  These two things were summarized in the words of Jesus in the Gospels in Mark 12:29-31 into what is called the Summary of the Law.  In the older liturgies of the Church - particularly the traditional Anglican BCP Mass - this is often read after the opening Collect of a liturgy, and it reminds us of two things that Christ Himself plainly stated:

1. We love God with all our heart, soul, and mind.

2. We love our neighbor as ourselves.

This aptly summarizes the entire Ten Commandments, as essentially that is what they boil down to.  The three that address our relationship to God - namely, the prohibition against taking the Lord's name in vain, the prohibition against idolatry, and the sanctity of the Sabbath day - foster piety.   The remaining seven that address our relationship to one another foster justice.  In order for the entirety of the Law to work, both are needed. Piety without justice becomes mere legalism.  Likewise, justice without piety becomes brutal tyranny.  Our campus minister is predisposed to making a mantra out of the word "justice" in his rants and in how he communicates to classes and even at faculty meetings.  He is fond of quoting people such as the heretical racist theologian James Cone, and also has an affinity for less-than-orthodox Catholic theologians such as Karl Rahner.  This in turn makes him outright sympathetic to socialism and Marxism, which are two of the most unjust systems on the planet.  I tend to agree with the late Presbyterian minister, Dr. D. James Kennedy, who called socialism "legislated theft."  Turning the oppressed into an oppressor is often the focus of those who cry "justice" without tempering their message with piety, and in the end the "justice" they holler about is not genuine justice at all - repaying oppression with oppression is not justice, I am sorry.  Therefore, in the divine economy, personal conversion (or cultivation of piety) is necessary for societal transformation (or cultivation of justice).  Try to separate them, and you have a disaster in the works.  An example of the application of piety without justice, for instance, can be found in many historical regimes - John Calvin was a big proponent of that type of legalism, as were his Puritan disciples, and radical Islamic regimes like that of the late Ayatollah Khomeini are likewise as legalistic, and no true justice exists because religious fanaticism (dare I say misplaced piety) overshadows the dignity of personhood.  So, in the greater scheme of things, who was worse - Khomeini or Stalin?  I would argue that both were equally evil, but in different ways.  And, neither represents the Gospel and its message either. That is the point of the discourse.

My friend the campus minister here at the school does raise some legitimate concerns though - he notes that US involvement in Latin American political affairs created some issues, and honestly I have to agree.  I am as patriotic as the next American, and I feel blessed to have been born and raised here.  However, I am not as proud of much of the leadership of our nation, because frankly they are evil people at times.  And, that is not just Democrats - there are equally evil politicians who self-identify as "conservative" too who diminish America's legacy, and more often than not "conservative" politicians promote unjust policies.  Take what happened during the Kosovo mess in 1999 for instance - we really had no business in that region, yet a Democrat President (Clinton) was supported by Establishment Republicans (the Bushes) in doing what the US did there.  I protested that then, and still do now.  I feel much the same way about this whole mess in Ukraine too - why are we there??  It seems we are trying to expand an empire of ideas - Biden initiated that involvement, and Zelenskyy, the dictator of Ukraine, has become a US puppet for all intents.  A lot of Republicans jumped on that bandwagon too, which was stupid of them - the issues between Russia and Ukraine are essentially a sibling squabble (a very volatile one, I will grant that) and it is not going to be absolved overnight.  We Americans often miss the lessons in school on world history, and this is the fruit of that.  While we should definitely grant humanitarian aid to all who need it (Russians and Ukrainians), we don't have any business egging on a war that could be easily resolved if we kept our nose out of it.  The bottom line is this - Zelenskyy is no hero, and to be honest, Putin is not a total bad guy either.  Neither are perfect, but we tend to make everything so damned dualistic that we forget that.  This, on a larger scale, is what my new friend at the bus stop was attempting to say this morning.  

Morality is created from the cultivation of virtue, and virtue in turn is fostered by a balance of piety and justice.  Seek to better ourselves inside, and as we do so, the society outside will be transformed as well. It may take some time, but if diligence is practiced it can happen.  It is on this note I end my thoughts fo r today and hopefully I can communicate that to my students in these classes in the coming weeks.  Have a good day everyone, and for those of you experiencing this winter storm front, stay safe and stay warm.  

The Haunting of What Was vs. What Is

 This is an unusual title for this discussion, but it isn't what you think.  I am not expressing regret, nor am I lamenting a current situation.  Granted, there have been times I have done that too.  Rather, it is about missing things, and those fond memories that keep one going even in the midst of chaotic change.  After so much loss recently - my beloved little cat dying, losing mom, having to undergo a very abrupt move, etc. - it has taken some adjustment, and thankfully I have memories to encourage me to move forward.  I haven't really talked much about those feelings like I probably need to, but let's try to do so today.  It is a good day to do it too - as I am writing this, we have a heavy snowstorm happening outside and I am even off work today as a result of it.  We could be expecting up to 6 inches of snow when it is all said and done, but that is January here in the Northeast.  Some people classify Baltimore as a Southern city, but I never did - Baltimore is part of a huge megalopolis that stretches from DC to Boston, and between that range of territory it is as if everything is one huge continuous city.  The bulk of the nation's population - perhaps 20 to 30 million people - can be found in this particular region. Baltimore alone has a couple of million, and that is not counting what is in DC, Philly, New York, Boston, and every smaller city and town that links them.  I remember my regional social studies class in the 6th grade calling Maryland part of the Mid-Atlantic region, and that does make sense.  While some classify Maryland as a Southern state, I don't think it fits the demographic.  Sure, there are the Appalachian counties in the western part of the state, as well as the more Southern-oriented Eastern Shore, but the majority of the state is found in this central area, the Beltway Corridor it is called. And, it is clearly more Northeastern, having more in common with New York than with Atlanta.  Anyway, so much for the geography lesson.

My move to Baltimore has played a big part in the subject matter of this discussion.  Now, as a kid I have always been somewhat connected to Baltimore - after all, I did spend a large part of my childhood here, and at one time our entire family practically lived on the west side of town here, just 5 miles from where I am currently sitting.  Over the years, I have also had lots of dreams about living back here too, and there is no doubt a connection between me and this city.  Now, the circumstances of me moving back here are not the best -  a combination of positives (getting a very coveted job) and negatives (being forced out of our place in Hagerstown under very negative conditions) brought me here.  To be honest, the way I ended up here would not have been my choice of move, and even this place I live in is not exactly what I had in mind when I moved here.  But, I am here for whatever that's worth, so it is a new beginning for me.  I am still adjusting to everything even two months out from moving here, and it will take some time to be completely adjusted.  But, I see my future and this city as being sort of intertwined from this point, and this may be my home for a while.  Coming to that realization has made me do a lot of self-examination, and it's that I am wanting to talk about now.

Looking out the kitchen window into the backyard, I see the grave I laid to rest my beloved little tortoiseshell cat Lily.  Today, the snow that is falling has obscured it, but I know where it is.  Losing that little cat really compelled me to reflect a lot the past couple of weeks, and I have a weird assortment of emotions as I did so.  For one, there is the heaviness - I miss that little girl, as she was my beloved pet for 12 years and I loved her.  But, there are also fond memories - I have a lot of them with her, and that makes me smile at times.  There is also determination - I am looking into getting another Tortie kitten now to ease the effects of the loss, and although another one will not replace her, it will make dealing with her loss so much easier.  I have gone through this too many times now, and it gets harder to bury my beloved pets every time I lose one.  That is why I am seeking kittens as I lose my older cats, and that way I have many wonderful years ahead with them.  Lily's passing has really impacted me and caused me to think about things, and as I do so I am noticing a few things too.  Let me get into that. 

Recently, even simple things - like using the last of a tube of toothpaste or a supply of toilet paper I had in Hagerstown that I brought with me - evokes thoughts.  There are many thoughts it evokes.  For one, it is as if the exhausting of a certain store of supplies is like a door to the past closing.  Secondly, it evokes some fond memories of what was, before having to move and still having the old place (which I do miss).  Thirdly, it also evokes a kernel of determination.  Determination, for one, to rebuild.  Determination, on another level, to preserve - by replacing things, I feel that it is establishing a continuity.  Change happens, I understand that, and I would be the last person to deny the inevitability of change for sure.  But, in the midst of change there is this indwelling desire I have to try to salvage the best of the past while also embracing things of the future too - one cannot simply cut all ties to the past and just embrace something totally different, as that is a shock to the system in all honesty.  This is why continuity is important.  We see this in history too, and let me give a short lesson on that. 

Between roughly 800 BC and the end of World War I, there was a general continuity of historical progress.  Take Rome, for instance.  Rome would not have existed if it were not for at least two cultures that preceded it - the Greeks and the Etruscans.  Roman civilization was an expansion of what the Greeks established, and with the infusion of true faith on behalf of the Judeo-Christian tradition, its continuity and legacy was preserved.  Sure, the Western Empire technically ceased to exist officially in 476, and the East lasted until 1453, but they did not just abruptly end - someone carried on those legacies, and we see it in later European dynastic legacies such as those of the Hapsburgs, the Plantagenets, the Bourbons, and others.  The only time an abrupt end happened to the whole legacy was in the political/cultural shift that happened at the end of World War I in 1918 - for about a little over 100 years now, Western Civilization has had an identity crisis because it lost the continuity it had had since 800 years before Christ.  Even the United States, despite not being directly an heir to the dynastic legacy of any of those European entities that succeeded both parts of the Roman Empire, inherited many things that placed it initially in the continuity of Western Civilization, at least until recently,   The iconoclastic mentality of the postmodern Left though has created problems for Western Civilization, and rather than building upon the legacy of almost 3000 years of continuity, "progressive" postmodern Leftism is wanting to abolish anything that has to do with the past, and it wants to recreate civilization in its own destructive image.  This goes against inherent human nature, and it cannot succeed.   The general breakdown in society now over garbage such as "wokeness" is the result of trying to sever the lifeline we have to the past. It is the sort of thing that authors ranging from Aldous Huxley in his dystopian novel Brave New World to J.R.R. Tolkien's works lament because those authors understood that continuity is a necessary part of the survival of humanity and civilization.  Without continuity, we have nothing to build on, and no lessons to be taught from the past (both positive and negative).  This also ties into another spiritual principle embodied in the Ten Commandments.

In the high school class I teach entitled Sacraments and Morality, the Ten Commandments form an integral part.  As I told my kids in the classes I teach, the Ten Commandments can be broken down into two sets - three of them deal with our relationship to God, and the rest deal with how we relate to other people.  The central principle of the first three is piety, while the remaining seven focus on justice.  Both of these are fundamental to the morality of the Judeo-Christian tradition, and here is why.   Justice without piety is tyranny, and piety without justice is legalism.  Tyranny and legalism lead to the same place too - disorder in our society.  That is why the Summary of the Law, as is found in Matthew 22:36-40, is summarized by Jesus into two things:

1. Love for God (piety)

2. Love for neighbor (justice)

That being said, a society cannot be transformed unless the conversion of the individual happens first - convert the soul, and you transform the society.  This is why many well-meaning liberal Catholics (in particular the campus minister at the high school I teach at) miss it by infinity - they love to cry "justice! Justice!" a lot, but they minimize personal conversion and don't understand that the root of injustice is sin - we live in a fallen world, remember, and until we address that we cannot have true justice. This has been particularly true of some religious orders in Latin America and elsewhere - particularly the Jesuits - and why they embrace heresies like "Liberation Theology," which in reality doesn't liberate anyone.  Justice for all means just that - justice for all.  It does not remedy injustice when a flip-flop happens and the oppressed become oppressors.  It starts the whole cycle over is what it does.  The answer here is not making oppressed people a class of new oppressors (this is why communism, most forms of socialism, and Fascism have all failed), but rather by the conversion of the soul making society better by allowing supernatural grace to work.  Supernatural grace does three things in Catholic theology - it elevates, heals, and perfects nature, and in doing so, it makes nature more like the way God intended it to be.  Justice without piety lacks this grace, but so does piety without justice - the two go hand-in-hand.  Religious legalism and the tyranny of socialism are both bad for the human person, in that both diminish dignity of personhood in different ways but with the same result.  And, the two of these things in conflict with each other leads to an unending struggle in which no one truly wins - even the oppressors lose eventually as the pendulum swings back and forth.  But, if true justice and authentic piety work together, then everyone benefits.  It is time this lesson is learned. 

So, what does that all have to do with my current situation?   For one, it is teaching me to rely more on God - one wonderful benefit of moving here is that I have a wonderful parish church within walking distance, and it has encouraged me to participate in sacramental life more, including my long-neglected need for the sacrament of Confession.  Deepening my faith is bringing me back to where I once was, and in doing so it provides me hope for my future.  But, another aspect is that it has helped me to have more empathy for others - learning how to see past externals does provide a basis for true love of neighbor, and it means that external differences (race, social status, etc.) mean very little when it comes down to the fundamental human condition. It does not excuse bad behavior, but it tempers my response to that behavior from being vengeful and vindictive to seeking a true justice based on honest confrontation of the issue, having an attitude of forgiveness, and learning how to move forward despite opposition.  Most importantly, it does not nullify the person I am - rather, it helps me to reconnect with myself on a fundamental level and then supernatural grace can do its work of elevating, healing, and perfecting me in areas where I need it the most.  Personal faith in God will lead to outward transformation, but it is a transformation that builds upon what is good already within you without making you eliminate all your history, your personality, etc.  Transformation is not re-creation, but it is enhancing what is good while diminishing what is bad.  This is sort of what I have been experiencing myself over the past few months.  There are days when it does seem difficult, but in retrospect we see where it leads us. 

Any rate, that is what I wanted to share today, and for those of you impacted by this winter storm raging outside, please stay safe and warm.  I will see you next visit. 

A New Year

 As I am writing this, it is the third day of 2025, a new year.  In all honesty, I am actually very relieved that 2024 is over - what a crazy year that was!!  As the old year ended and the new one dawned, some things happened that were both good and bad, and I wanted to start there and then just reflect somewhat.

The tragic loss of a pet is something that is rough - I have buried way too many in the past several years.  And, it happened again - my little Tortie cat, Lily, passed away on Christmas morning.  I am guessing that the stress of so many moves the past several months could have exacerbated her condition somewhat, but she had been struggling for some time, ever since we were able to retrieve her from the old place in Hagerstown in mid-October just shortly before I moved here.  After our move there, we initially could not find her anywhere, but luckily our former landlady was very helpful and we were eventually able to get her from the old place.  She was obviously traumatized, and she had also developed a serious cold while being locked in the old place - she was sneezing incessantly and even steam baths in the bathroom didn't seem to alleviate the issue any.  After moving here, she seemed OK for a while, but then she stopped eating and her respiratory issues got worse.  Also, she developed an abscess on her head, and it began to fester about a week before Christmas, and Barbara and I attempted to treat it.  But, she was long past any solution, and on Christmas Eve night we kept a vigil over her until she passed in the early hours of Christmas morning.  I laid her to rest a day later in the backyard, and in doing so I also sustained an injury of my own as I tripped on the back step and sustained a bad bruise on my left calf.  Losing Lily was tragic, and I want to reflect some more on that shortly, but as for the rest of the holiday it actually was quite nice.  We attended a beautiful Christmas Mass at my parish, SS. Philip and James over near Johns Hopkins University, and Barbara spent Christmas here and we had a nice holiday. Barbara then came back up for New Year's a couple of days ago, and we attended Mass at the Basilica of the Assumption (the Archdiocesan cathedral for Baltimore) due to the fact our parish here was not having a Feast of the Mother of God Mass (a Holy Day of Obligation) and we needed to attend somewhere.  I also got a couple of paid weeks off from school, which was nice, and it has been good to mostly relax.   Any rate, that is how the old year ended and the new one began, so now let's reflect on things a bit

If you have ever owned a pet, you know that they quickly become something special.  And, when you lose them, it is equally tragic as you feel that loss.  Just prior to starting this, I was downstairs getting a cup of coffee and looked out at the grave I buried Lily in the back yard.  As I looked at that spot, I felt a heaviness, a loss, and it has been somewhat difficult coming to terms with her loss.  I remember when we got her - it was July 2012, and we found her at an adoption drive at a Petco in Lakeland, FL.  She was part of a litter of two, and her little sister was identical to her.  Barbara wanted to initially take them both, but it just wasn't practical at the time as we had three other cats then.  But, we brought the little girl home, and she immediately formed a bond with me - she essentially became my little girl.  I affectionately called her "Booger Bear" for some reason, and it seemed to fit her perfectly.  I remember calling her, and she had the cutest little "wah" meow that would really melt you.  For the 12 years we had her, she was healthy - never sick, never any issues, and I figured she would live much longer.  But, with the issues surrounding the moving around we had to do the past few months, it did take a toll on her, and after being stranded in the old place for two weeks before we could get her out, she may have been severely traumatized which exacerbated her already fragile health.  Lily's loss is part of a long series of events that happened beginning in early October which essentially changed everything in my life, and to be honest it is still somewhat hard to deal with on some days as both Barbara and I have had to make a lot of adjustments.  With Barbara living 40 miles away in Rockville, it is a bit of a new thing for both of us, as we had lived under the same roof for over 30 years.  Even in separation and divorce, we have remained close, and in all honesty we both miss each other.  But, we still get to visit, and it is nice to spend holidays together.  In all honesty, we are actually planning on the possibility of finding a house together to share for a while until we get to a place where we can part ways and do whatever it is God has meant us to do.  Lately, that is becoming more of a thought too, as in all honesty the place I am leasing now is not ideal - it is in downtown Baltimore, and I am sharing it with two other roommates.  One of them, Joel, is actually decent, but the other one, James, is a bit weird - he is rude, loud, and actually somewhat antisocial in his behavior as well as having some serious OCD issues.  Also, the loss of my music collection and my library has been a bit hard to swallow too - I have started to recover some of the books I had, but it will take a long time before I have a library again like I once had.  And, as for the music collection, I was able to retrieve (thanks again to our former landlady) some of my important vinyl collection, including both Franklin Mint sets.  So, that is the potential start of a new collection later.  But this experience has also made me refocus somewhat, and let me now get into that.

I have loved my vintage big band collection for over 40 years, and this makes the second time I have lost it.  It was an impressive collection too - I had practically every major recording plus some of practically every big band that ever existed, and it was great.  I don't think it is possible to ever restore that complete collection, so I am going to refocus a bit.  I am planning on actually just getting a couple of large CD collections (the Time-Life Big Bands library is an idea) and then maybe getting a smaller collection of the stuff I actually liked the most over the years - the "legacy collection," if you will.  These would include the significant LPs (preferably reissued on CD) that I have had over the years, as well as some recordings of things I have as favorites.  This way, it will be a smaller collection but still a nice one that reflects my tastes better.  If resources allow, maybe when I get into a more permanent living situation I may attempt to restore the complete collection (I still have the catalog in storage) but it's not a priority right now.  I have been forced to be extremely minimalist now, so I have to focus on just what I really need for the time being.  The good thing is the internet - almost every piece of music I have ever owned is online, and I can download them to a drive eventually and have them that way.  As technology evolves, it also seems as if CDs and vinyl (despite a renewed interest in the latter by hipster Millennials) are going the way of the dinosaur, and online streaming and flash drives are a more space-efficient and cost-efficient way to obtain many things.  I thank God always for good internet access, as it does make a huge difference.  I will see where I am at in a few months, and will take it from there.  I think that would be the smart way of dealing with this. 

My whole world honestly was shaken up last year, and in many ways I am so glad to see 2024 gone.  I will miss my old life, especially having a whole place of my own - it has been an adjustment living in one room again, something I haven't done since my undergrad years when I lived in a dormitory.  I also miss many of my beloved pets - I miss Lily, KitKat, my rabbit Trixie, Oreo, Chloe, Peaches, and my various guinea pigs, rabbits, and birds I have had over the years.  And, I miss Mom and so many other people who have passed on, as to be honest losing Mom a couple of years ago was a bit more difficult than I thought.  I also miss having Barbara in the house - sure, Barbara had quirks, but we knew each other well and it worked, even if our marriage didn't.   I am blessed we are still close friends though, and I love her like a sister still.  I am blessed however with a good job - teaching high school full-time at a Catholic school is a dream job, although not without its challenges too.  And, God has really demonstrated his presence with me as I have gone through a lot yet he has been there every step of the way - it hasn't always been easy, but somehow it worked out and came together.  I am not sure what 2025 is going to bring in all honesty, but I am hoping and praying for the best and do have a more positive outlook.  If any situation could qualify as a new beginning, I would say mine certainly does at this point.  I will keep up my journey here as things happen, and by this time next year we will see where we are at then. 

I want to now wish everyone a blessed 2025, and pray it is a good year for all of us.  With Trump being re-elected, for the first time in four years I am having hope about the future now.  And, I do have some good opportunities out there too that I will be able to pursue, so we will see how that works out as well.  Thank you again, and will see you next visit.