The Haunting of What Was vs. What Is

 This is an unusual title for this discussion, but it isn't what you think.  I am not expressing regret, nor am I lamenting a current situation.  Granted, there have been times I have done that too.  Rather, it is about missing things, and those fond memories that keep one going even in the midst of chaotic change.  After so much loss recently - my beloved little cat dying, losing mom, having to undergo a very abrupt move, etc. - it has taken some adjustment, and thankfully I have memories to encourage me to move forward.  I haven't really talked much about those feelings like I probably need to, but let's try to do so today.  It is a good day to do it too - as I am writing this, we have a heavy snowstorm happening outside and I am even off work today as a result of it.  We could be expecting up to 6 inches of snow when it is all said and done, but that is January here in the Northeast.  Some people classify Baltimore as a Southern city, but I never did - Baltimore is part of a huge megalopolis that stretches from DC to Boston, and between that range of territory it is as if everything is one huge continuous city.  The bulk of the nation's population - perhaps 20 to 30 million people - can be found in this particular region. Baltimore alone has a couple of million, and that is not counting what is in DC, Philly, New York, Boston, and every smaller city and town that links them.  I remember my regional social studies class in the 6th grade calling Maryland part of the Mid-Atlantic region, and that does make sense.  While some classify Maryland as a Southern state, I don't think it fits the demographic.  Sure, there are the Appalachian counties in the western part of the state, as well as the more Southern-oriented Eastern Shore, but the majority of the state is found in this central area, the Beltway Corridor it is called. And, it is clearly more Northeastern, having more in common with New York than with Atlanta.  Anyway, so much for the geography lesson.

My move to Baltimore has played a big part in the subject matter of this discussion.  Now, as a kid I have always been somewhat connected to Baltimore - after all, I did spend a large part of my childhood here, and at one time our entire family practically lived on the west side of town here, just 5 miles from where I am currently sitting.  Over the years, I have also had lots of dreams about living back here too, and there is no doubt a connection between me and this city.  Now, the circumstances of me moving back here are not the best -  a combination of positives (getting a very coveted job) and negatives (being forced out of our place in Hagerstown under very negative conditions) brought me here.  To be honest, the way I ended up here would not have been my choice of move, and even this place I live in is not exactly what I had in mind when I moved here.  But, I am here for whatever that's worth, so it is a new beginning for me.  I am still adjusting to everything even two months out from moving here, and it will take some time to be completely adjusted.  But, I see my future and this city as being sort of intertwined from this point, and this may be my home for a while.  Coming to that realization has made me do a lot of self-examination, and it's that I am wanting to talk about now.

Looking out the kitchen window into the backyard, I see the grave I laid to rest my beloved little tortoiseshell cat Lily.  Today, the snow that is falling has obscured it, but I know where it is.  Losing that little cat really compelled me to reflect a lot the past couple of weeks, and I have a weird assortment of emotions as I did so.  For one, there is the heaviness - I miss that little girl, as she was my beloved pet for 12 years and I loved her.  But, there are also fond memories - I have a lot of them with her, and that makes me smile at times.  There is also determination - I am looking into getting another Tortie kitten now to ease the effects of the loss, and although another one will not replace her, it will make dealing with her loss so much easier.  I have gone through this too many times now, and it gets harder to bury my beloved pets every time I lose one.  That is why I am seeking kittens as I lose my older cats, and that way I have many wonderful years ahead with them.  Lily's passing has really impacted me and caused me to think about things, and as I do so I am noticing a few things too.  Let me get into that. 

Recently, even simple things - like using the last of a tube of toothpaste or a supply of toilet paper I had in Hagerstown that I brought with me - evokes thoughts.  There are many thoughts it evokes.  For one, it is as if the exhausting of a certain store of supplies is like a door to the past closing.  Secondly, it evokes some fond memories of what was, before having to move and still having the old place (which I do miss).  Thirdly, it also evokes a kernel of determination.  Determination, for one, to rebuild.  Determination, on another level, to preserve - by replacing things, I feel that it is establishing a continuity.  Change happens, I understand that, and I would be the last person to deny the inevitability of change for sure.  But, in the midst of change there is this indwelling desire I have to try to salvage the best of the past while also embracing things of the future too - one cannot simply cut all ties to the past and just embrace something totally different, as that is a shock to the system in all honesty.  This is why continuity is important.  We see this in history too, and let me give a short lesson on that. 

Between roughly 800 BC and the end of World War I, there was a general continuity of historical progress.  Take Rome, for instance.  Rome would not have existed if it were not for at least two cultures that preceded it - the Greeks and the Etruscans.  Roman civilization was an expansion of what the Greeks established, and with the infusion of true faith on behalf of the Judeo-Christian tradition, its continuity and legacy was preserved.  Sure, the Western Empire technically ceased to exist officially in 476, and the East lasted until 1453, but they did not just abruptly end - someone carried on those legacies, and we see it in later European dynastic legacies such as those of the Hapsburgs, the Plantagenets, the Bourbons, and others.  The only time an abrupt end happened to the whole legacy was in the political/cultural shift that happened at the end of World War I in 1918 - for about a little over 100 years now, Western Civilization has had an identity crisis because it lost the continuity it had had since 800 years before Christ.  Even the United States, despite not being directly an heir to the dynastic legacy of any of those European entities that succeeded both parts of the Roman Empire, inherited many things that placed it initially in the continuity of Western Civilization, at least until recently,   The iconoclastic mentality of the postmodern Left though has created problems for Western Civilization, and rather than building upon the legacy of almost 3000 years of continuity, "progressive" postmodern Leftism is wanting to abolish anything that has to do with the past, and it wants to recreate civilization in its own destructive image.  This goes against inherent human nature, and it cannot succeed.   The general breakdown in society now over garbage such as "wokeness" is the result of trying to sever the lifeline we have to the past. It is the sort of thing that authors ranging from Aldous Huxley in his dystopian novel Brave New World to J.R.R. Tolkien's works lament because those authors understood that continuity is a necessary part of the survival of humanity and civilization.  Without continuity, we have nothing to build on, and no lessons to be taught from the past (both positive and negative).  This also ties into another spiritual principle embodied in the Ten Commandments.

In the high school class I teach entitled Sacraments and Morality, the Ten Commandments form an integral part.  As I told my kids in the classes I teach, the Ten Commandments can be broken down into two sets - three of them deal with our relationship to God, and the rest deal with how we relate to other people.  The central principle of the first three is piety, while the remaining seven focus on justice.  Both of these are fundamental to the morality of the Judeo-Christian tradition, and here is why.   Justice without piety is tyranny, and piety without justice is legalism.  Tyranny and legalism lead to the same place too - disorder in our society.  That is why the Summary of the Law, as is found in Matthew 22:36-40, is summarized by Jesus into two things:

1. Love for God (piety)

2. Love for neighbor (justice)

That being said, a society cannot be transformed unless the conversion of the individual happens first - convert the soul, and you transform the society.  This is why many well-meaning liberal Catholics (in particular the campus minister at the high school I teach at) miss it by infinity - they love to cry "justice! Justice!" a lot, but they minimize personal conversion and don't understand that the root of injustice is sin - we live in a fallen world, remember, and until we address that we cannot have true justice. This has been particularly true of some religious orders in Latin America and elsewhere - particularly the Jesuits - and why they embrace heresies like "Liberation Theology," which in reality doesn't liberate anyone.  Justice for all means just that - justice for all.  It does not remedy injustice when a flip-flop happens and the oppressed become oppressors.  It starts the whole cycle over is what it does.  The answer here is not making oppressed people a class of new oppressors (this is why communism, most forms of socialism, and Fascism have all failed), but rather by the conversion of the soul making society better by allowing supernatural grace to work.  Supernatural grace does three things in Catholic theology - it elevates, heals, and perfects nature, and in doing so, it makes nature more like the way God intended it to be.  Justice without piety lacks this grace, but so does piety without justice - the two go hand-in-hand.  Religious legalism and the tyranny of socialism are both bad for the human person, in that both diminish dignity of personhood in different ways but with the same result.  And, the two of these things in conflict with each other leads to an unending struggle in which no one truly wins - even the oppressors lose eventually as the pendulum swings back and forth.  But, if true justice and authentic piety work together, then everyone benefits.  It is time this lesson is learned. 

So, what does that all have to do with my current situation?   For one, it is teaching me to rely more on God - one wonderful benefit of moving here is that I have a wonderful parish church within walking distance, and it has encouraged me to participate in sacramental life more, including my long-neglected need for the sacrament of Confession.  Deepening my faith is bringing me back to where I once was, and in doing so it provides me hope for my future.  But, another aspect is that it has helped me to have more empathy for others - learning how to see past externals does provide a basis for true love of neighbor, and it means that external differences (race, social status, etc.) mean very little when it comes down to the fundamental human condition. It does not excuse bad behavior, but it tempers my response to that behavior from being vengeful and vindictive to seeking a true justice based on honest confrontation of the issue, having an attitude of forgiveness, and learning how to move forward despite opposition.  Most importantly, it does not nullify the person I am - rather, it helps me to reconnect with myself on a fundamental level and then supernatural grace can do its work of elevating, healing, and perfecting me in areas where I need it the most.  Personal faith in God will lead to outward transformation, but it is a transformation that builds upon what is good already within you without making you eliminate all your history, your personality, etc.  Transformation is not re-creation, but it is enhancing what is good while diminishing what is bad.  This is sort of what I have been experiencing myself over the past few months.  There are days when it does seem difficult, but in retrospect we see where it leads us. 

Any rate, that is what I wanted to share today, and for those of you impacted by this winter storm raging outside, please stay safe and warm.  I will see you next visit.