Another Loss

 

It seems like with every year, we lose another of our pets.  This year it was Barbara's cat Mickey.  He passed away yesterday at around 6:10 PM after a lingering decline in his health, and his loss is a sad one for us.  Mickey was a very sweet and affectionate cat, and his story deserves to be told.

Originally, Mickey belonged to my late sister-in-law Susan, but when she passed away in 2020 Barbara inherited him.  Mickey also had a sister, Mallory, who passed away in 2023.  Both of these cats created a lot of fond memories for me, as I remember when Sue got them - it was in 2008, and although I don't know the full story as to how she found them, I do know they were Maine Coon mixed, and they were actually large cats.  The first time I encountered them was in December 2008, after she first got them - they were still small kittens then, a few months old, and they were both very adorable little ones.  That means essentially that Mickey lived to be 18 years old, almost 19.  That longevity alone was impressive, as for most cats reaching 15 is a big step.  However, Mickey and his sister Mallory were both quite hardy cats, probably due to their Maine Coon heritage, and both of them lived long lives.   Mallory lived to be 16, and Mickey 18.  

When Barbara initially adopted these two cats after her sister's passing in December 2020, we were separated at the time but she still lived with Mom and I at our place in Hagerstown.  It was a big responsibility to take on then, as we had just lost one of our other older cats, KitKat, on New Year's Day 2021, and I still had Lily and Tippy then, so these two made 4 cats in the house.  Mickey, who was a more laid-back boy, immediately latched onto me, and for some reason he was practically adopted by me unofficially as well.  In time, I began to actually call him "Piggy," based on a cute rework of his name (also from that Ramona and Beezus movie, where Ramona called her cat Icky-Sticky or something like that).  He actually began to answer to that, and from that point he was "Piggy."  As far as personality goes, Mickey was a sweet, docile, and laid-back cat for a male, and he preferred being on your lap or doing a silly little dance on a pillow he claimed from Barbara that was funny to watch.  His sister, Mallory, was a little more attitude.  Mickey became part of the family, and for all intents and purposes he sort of became unofficially my cat too.  That would be even more evident when last year due to the haste of our move from Hagerstown, I had to keep him with me because the place Barbara got at the time did not take cats, but my house did.  So, for about 4 months, I cared for Mickey along with my own two cats, Lily (who I lost in December of last year) and Tippy.  He was rather easy to care for, as he used the litter box and never made messes and he also tended to have a robust appetite.  However, there were issues early on when Mickey began having issues with chewing food - he acted like it hurt to eat, and he would have issues chewing.  This would intensify over the coming years we had him until eventually it seemed like he was unable to eat normally at all.  Beginning in September of this year, he began to eat less and less - some days, he would go for several days at a time without eating a bite, save some milk or some raw chicken or hamburger, and as that progressed, he began to lose a lot of weight.  We tried our best to accommodate him, but over the past couple of weeks his health really deteriorated.  While we had a hope that he might just pull through it, his age and the intensity of his condition said otherwise.  It climaxed last night, when after Barbara got home from work, she found him just laying under her desk on the floor - he was unable to move, and although Barbara coaxed him to drink water, he had no desire.  Also, there was the smell, that smell of death.  Eventually, Barbara just picked him up and held him a while, and he eventually breathed his last in her arms at approximately 6:10 PM.  His mouth was very bloody, he was missing several teeth, and at this point he was also so malnourished that it would have taken a miracle to help him recover.  So, once again, the responsibility has come to lay him to rest - where we live at in downtown Baltimore is a bit challenging, as we have no place to inter a deceased pet, so I will need Barbara to really help me out with that so we can do that together, given we also have nosy neighbors who like to run their big mouths too.  As is the procedure, I wrapped him in an old blanket, and then sealed him in a plastic trash bag that would prevent scavengers from digging up the body (the trash bag was also scented, which helps to deter as well).  So, tonight comes the challenge of locating a suitable spot to put him to rest - had this been in Hagerstown, it would not have been an issue as I had plenty of backyard space there.  But in a city like this, it is a challenge.  However, the alternative is to toss him in a trash bin, and I cannot bring myself to do that.  So, a suitable spot to place him is integral.

Losing a pet can be about as tragic as losing a person, as they tend to become a vital part of our lives.  Pets are wonderful companions to have, and they impart an unconditional love to their owners that sometimes humanity is incapable of.  Over the years, I have had many pets I have really loved like my own children - dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, birds - and the memories they leave are cherished for years to come.  Also, I make sure to have plenty of pictures of them too, as it is a good way to immortalize their memories.  I know there has been a big debate over whether our pets will be in heaven or not, and some say yes, while others say no.  I tend to think they will for some reason - while an animal doesn't have a soul in the sense of a human being, there is something there, and God created them too and we should always appreciate God's creation.  When God created the heavens and earth, as it records in Genesis, after each creative phase God always declared it was good - that includes animals.  Animals are good in a lot of capacities - the can be loyal pets, but they also provide nourishment and other services to us as well.  We often fail to understand that as Christians, as we have this quasi-gnostic view of things that all created matter is corrupt and only the spiritual is good - that is nonsense you hear on a lot of popular televangelist programs.  A good God can only create good things, and to call something evil that God created is an insult to him - that was layer of the lesson Christ gave to Peter in Acts 10 as well with the descending sheet.  So, instead of picking a theological fight with a person who is distraught over losing a beloved pet, just leave them alone and allow them to grieve, cherish the memories, and have hope.  It is the right thing to do. 

I apologize for a lot of things to say this week, but so much is going on.  Thank you though for listening, and will see you next time. 

Taking Some Pause

 I was not planning to write today - I am at work, and the coverage for absent teachers is rather light as well as my own students being at their work-study assignments today.  I have some time today to contemplate, and contemplation is the major thing right now.  As I am writing this, the campus minister is leading the Ignatian Daily Examen (and subsequent Prayer of Generosity) prayer, and although it encourages contemplation, all he does is talk, talk, talk...that prayer is kind of weak anyway in all honesty, as I don't think it was the intention of St. Ignatius of Loyola (who is a true saint and a holy man of God) to twist his prayer into some sort of stupid political statement as modern liberal Jesuits and their allies have done.  One line in the prayer is "to toil and not seek for rest," but I think the administration here takes that as a personal challenge against their teachers, as they rapidly burn us out.  We don't get much breathing space to recollect ourselves at this institution in all honesty, as they want to try to choke every moment with "retreats," "personal development days," and other garbage that in the greater scheme of things don't really do much.  You have to have that time to pause, to reflect, and to organize the barrage of thoughts which come into one's mind - it puts me in mind of Josef Pieper's concept of leisure as a good thing, and the acedia of mental clutter as a prison imposed on us by others.  Our minds, much like that junk drawer all of us have in our homes, get cluttered and there comes a point where organization is essential.  This is why we need true reflection, and not some obligatory "spiritual exercise" that just adds more clutter.  I mention all this today because it is integral to understanding the rest of the conversation.  And that is where our discussion is going today. 

I just went to get my morning coffee at the Royal Farms a street over from the school.  It is a bit overcast and misty out today, but I actually love that type of weather - rain to me is a sign of renewal, and I don't bemoan drizzly conditions.  Thinking of that, we often get things a bit mixed up in our lives - many people bemoan the rain, and worship the sunlight.  However, too much sun is not good either - it dries out the earth, and makes basic tasks insufferable.  In short, we need both, and that is the way God created our earth.  Recently, I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a bad dry spell - the sun beating down on me in the form of demands of life, etc., and no time to refresh or replenish.  Bottom line, I have no time often to pause, reflect, and recollect myself in a way that can restore focus.  Although I work at a good vocation that can have its own rewards - including monetary, as I have no complaints about my salary I receive - the problem with it is if you work for a place where there are ambivalent political and religious views, it can wear on you unless you have the refreshment of spiritual renewal to sustain your life.  This is where I am now, and I need to find a way to fix it somehow.  Let me just tell a couple of ways I want to do this.

One thing I love to do is talk to myself - I often can talk myself through situations, and in the process a lot of good ideas come to me.  I know the stigma of self-directed speech is that people think you are crazy, but in reality it is a good release.  I haven't been able to do as much of that in recent months, and I feel it.  I also journal, but haven't done that as often either - I need to get back into a regular routine of that.  Of course, in many instances these blogs as well as the life story project I update every year sort of are in lieu of my journal, but still - journals can be a refuge of sharing things you normally don't feel comfortable sharing in a more open venue like a blog.  There are my innermost thoughts, for instance, that many people would think I was either crazy or weird if I shared them, yet now that they are on paper, someone will probably read them after I am long gone  - it will matter little at that point though. Also, another thing with self-directed speech is that you can turn it into a prayer - I enjoy just conversating with God in an informal way, as God is in reality the closest friend I have and I can share anything with.  Being able to do that has transformed both my propensity to self-directed speech as well as my personal prayer life.  Maybe that is a key element - turning your thoughts into prayers directed to God.  It doesn't mean he is going to grant everything you desire, and it also doesn't mean you are going to get instant wisdom, but it is good to do that because it helps you to be open with your faith more.  I need to explore that deeper I think.

At this point, taking a pause is crucial as there are many things I am facing - the completion of my dental surgery, the possibility of buying my own home, exploring other career choices that may be more feasible for me, etc.  I also have an even bigger thing I am thinking about that entails overseas travel, but that will be a discussion at another time when it is ready to be discussed.  Nonetheless, my mind is constantly moving, and although perhaps a little reduction in speed is good, the better alternative is to channel and focus the barrage of thoughts in there in such a way solutions may be found and ideas may blossom. 

I just wanted to share that today, because it is integral to so much for me right now.  If you are going through something similar, find ways to pause, focus, and recollect - it will be the best favor you can do for yourself.  Thanks again, and will see you next time. 

Decisions and Thoughts

 As I write today, I am at home.  We were supposed to be at work at the school, but a light pole came down in front of the school so it was deemed unsafe to go, which in all honesty is a sort of blessing.  So, now that I am at home today, I wanted to take some time to reflect on the week ahead and also some things going through my mind.

As is the case this time of year, I am continuing my life story project.  I add information every year to it, and plan on doing so until I turn 60, at which point I will consider it finished.  There will no doubt be events and other things happening after I am 60 too, but I think at that point it is time to start finalizing documents and getting things typeset and such so that I can have a complete book by the time I retire.  Last week, I turned 56, so that means 4 more years to go before I start wrapping up a lot of current pursuits and begin to start collating work and making the bigger projects I have happen.  So, what do I want to happen before I turn 60 in four years?  Let's talk about it.

At this point, I have achieved a lot - I got my long-anticipated doctorate, I am finally in a career (teaching), and I took care of some health needs I  have, namely my dental issues.  The next big event on my agenda is getting my own house, which I am well on the way to doing at this point.  Getting a house is a process, as it takes time and you have a lot of steps to go through - you have to be pre-approved for a mortgage (done), you have to find a property you want (in progress), and then you have to come up with a down payment, go through the closing process, etc.  That can take a lot of time for it all to come together, as no one said owning a home was easy.  Having worked myself for many years in both the mortgage and title industries, I know this well.  My issue at this point is not my ability to own a home, but finding a home I can actually get.  That process had me thinking about a lot of things, and I have decisions to make.  Let me elaborate.

I have mentioned that I am starting to have some thoughts about looking elsewhere for employment, as a few things where I am currently at do concern me.  Back in my Pentecostal days, there was a practice known as "putting out a fleece," and it is based on the story of Gideon in Judges 6:36-40.  If you remember the narrative, Gideon was trying to figure out what to do as a conflict was immanent with an enemy, so he used a lamb fleece to seek God's direction.  As the story goes, if the fleece was damp with dew, it meant a go-ahead to engage the enemy and Gideon would prevail.  If the fleece was dry, it meant that God was saying no to war, and it meant that preparation was necessary before engaging the enemy.  This process, if I recall from the story, was done 3 times until by the third God had completely allowed the fleece to be saturated with dew, and Gideon practically wrung out a bucket of water from it the next morning.  It was his sign to do battle, and he won because he had God's direction.  In Pentecostal tradition, this idea of "fleecing the Lord" is often used to discern a major decision, and while I am not sure where it came from in the Pentecostal tradition, I myself have even utilized it.  The idea of the fleece is not to practice some type of superstition or divination, but rather to seek a clear sign of direction from God on a big decision that needs to be made.  I personally don't see anything wrong with the practice, as I have done it myself, but it is definitely a topic of debate among some Christian circles.  I am actually putting this into practice now for myself, as I want to do the right thing, and decisions should never be taken lightly.  As a committed Christian myself, I see the fleece tradition as a way to really rely on God for wisdom, so it has a legitimate ground.  The fleece I have out right now has to do with that sort of important direction, and let me explain how mine is set up.

It is no secret that there are two facts about my life that are true at the same time.  One, I hate living in inner-city Baltimore, but at this point I have no options.  Secondly, while teaching high school is a good way to build experience on a resume as well as having its own fulfillment in other ways, where I am teaching at now provides some unique challenges for me that at times can be overwhelming.  I won't go into those, but my fleece entails both of these situations.   Essentially, what I am seeking God's direction on is where to move - the need to get out of this inner-city place is non-negotiable, as it was meant as only a stepping-stone to where I should be.  However, the question is where to go now?  My fleece is therefore set up something like this - if God wants me to continue to teach where I am at, he will open the door to get me a place in a more desirable community that is conveniently close.   If God has other plans, then that door will open as well.  Because we live in a linear universe where time is a factor, the time frame I am placing on this fleece is the end of the school year, which will be at the beginning of June next year.  I have to know something by that point, and have a clear direction as to what I need to do.  However, two facts are clear.  One, getting out of this place.  And two, continuing my career without interruption in income, etc.  This motivation has led me to explore some options, a few I may not have considered before, so I will elaborate.

In all honesty, I am not necessarily bound to the Baltimore metro area for a future home or career, and am definitely open to relocating someplace else should a door open.  Just yesterday, as a matter of fact, as I was looking at potential homes, somehow I ended up looking at Brunswick, GA.  I don't have an overwhelming desire to move back south or anything, and in order for something like that to happen, it would need to be extremely good and fall into place.  In all honesty though, I am content to stay within the tri-state area (MD-VA-WV) and if anything, I would love to move back closer to West Virginia.  When I lived in Hagerstown, overall I was comfortable there, and to be honest had an opportunity come my way then I would have stayed.  Being in inner-city Baltimore right now often feels to me like I am living in a foreign country.   I know that just a little ways outside of the city are communities I would feel better in, but the second part of the equation comes into play, and that is opportunity. In order to initiate a move like that, I would need security of work, income, and feasibility for other aspects of life. Those are fleece conditions I have in mind with what I am seeking.  If the doors open up, hopefully I can have a clear vision of what to do and where to go.   That is the deciding factor in all this.  And thus, my dilemma.  

Overall, 2025 has been a sort of a recovery year for me - I got out of debt, I managed to get a lot of what I lost restored, and I have the job I always wanted, although not exactly where I wanted it.  I am starting to take care of some things I needed to take care of for some time (especially my dental work) and there is a sense of accomplishment doing so.  But, I still just don't feel quite myself yet.  Also, there is another more personal reason I wanted this to all come together, and although I am not at liberty to share it yet, it is a big step in my personal life too.  Hopefully that too will come together soon as well.  

That is essentially where I am at this week, and also is sort of looking like where my year may be ending at this point as 2026 is now on the horizon.  I am hoping to have a lot of good news to report soon, and for those of you who pray that read this, please remember me.  Thanks again, and hope everyone has a good week.  See you next time. 

The Crossroads of Decisions

 I have a weird, enigmatic title for this week because a lot is going on in my mind right now.  I am starting to second-guess my career choices based on a lot of inconsistencies I have seen, and I am also looking into the possibility of a new home soon, as thankfully I was conditionally approved for a mortgage.  I am also still healing up from my recent dental work, and am getting accustomed to my dentures - they still feel like I have a wad of gum lodged in the roof of my mouth, and eating is still an adjustment, but we are getting there.  I am quite excited that I was able to eat two small pork chops last night, and a piece of fried chicken last Thursday, but I am not quite there to handle some of my favorite foods yet, such as pizza and my beloved Slim Jims - and I really miss Slim Jims at this point, as they are frankly addicting.  I want to go on a rabbit trail about that for a moment.

I have always loved Slim Jims since I was a kid, but who doesn't?   Back when I was younger, there were other flavors of them you can't find nowadays either, such as pizza, pepperoni, and a few others.  Of course, they have introduced some other gross flavors (one is dill pickle - seriously?  That makes me vomit a bit in my mouth thinking about it, as it is a major desecration of a beloved snack).  I say get rid of the dill pickle nonsense and bring back pizza Slim Jims.  One good memory I have of that was back when I was about 7 years old.  My mom used to like to do long drives, and one thing we would do on a long drive like that was snack as we rode.  The snacks were nice - longhorn cheese and pepperoni sticks from the local country stores, those foil-bagged Snyders potato chips (they had a fresh taste to them that was nice too), and other local delights.  Among those were flavored Slim Jims, including the pizza ones which came in a sort of basil-green box (the pepperoni ones came in a pine green box).  This was back in the day as well when Slim Jims were sold in aluminum cans of 24, and that is something I miss as well.  As a younger adult, there was an equally delicious beef stick called the Bridgeford 8-foot, and those were actually better than the Slim Jims - they were super-dry, and I could go through a whole 8-foot package in a relatively short time.  They unfortunately stopped making those too.  It amazes me that these dumb corporations discontinue things people enjoy, and then they introduce inferior substitutes for them.  This is another reason why the big corporations need to go. 

And that leads me to something I haven't really engaged with, but need to.  The issue under discussion is illegal immigration, and it is perhaps the biggest hot-button political issue in the US right now.  The school I work at, a private Catholic school administered by Jesuits, is all on-board with promoting this, and at times they get a bit overboard with it.  Even our fairly conservative Dominican parish had a perspective in the parish bulletin this week I mildly disagreed with - our parish priest said that in many cases the illegals are invited.  That is a fair observation, but that begs the question - who invited them?  Let me set the record straight up-front though because for those of us who oppose unrestricted illegal immigration, we often get accused of things we don't actually advocate.  For instance, many of us have no problem with legal immigration, as that is following the letter of the law.  If our Church officials are so concerned about immigrants, then why not offer them help to follow the law?  By encouraging the breaking of a reasonable law, the Church sins unfortunately, and that is not the witness we need to project to the world.  Call it "civil disobedience" if you want, but encouraging the breaking of national law is not a Christian value.  That being said, here is a second thing we are often misunderstood about.  We are not necessarily for arresting and deporting anyone who has brown skin or a Spanish accent - that is just stupid, and I don't think any decent human being advocates that.  As a matter of fact, we should definitely show compassion for them, and they can be fed, housed, and educated provided two things.  First, it cannot displace actual citizens - a nation that denies its citizens and then caters to illegals is in essence like a deadbeat parent, and that sort of governance will fail.  Second, while we help these people with fundamental needs, we also should be encouraging them to follow the legal process - being in the US is a privilege and not a fundamental right, and like every other nation, American law needs to be respected and followed too.  If there are people who genuinely are refugees from oppression, we should help them for sure, but work within the framework provided.  So, yes, be kind to the immigrant, respect them as human beings, but also let's keep in mind there are laws in place for a reason, and every other nation on the planet has similar laws.  

There is also the caliber of immigrant too - for hard-working families who can potentially enrich our nation, we should assist and provide them with opportunities to become full citizens because they will make a positive contribution to our nation and we should encourage that.  However, among all those who are sincerely seeking a better life, there are also terrorists, MS-13 gang criminals and other malcontents who do no one any good.  Those types will ruin a nation, and they do no viable service to a country.  As a matter of fact, they need to be locked away from any civilized society in a gulag somewhere because they are evil, parasites, and don't belong, and they are the ones making things more difficult for other immigrants who do have a legitimate reason for coming here.  This is why I am all for stricter immigration policies, but at the same time we do so with nuance and a level of empathy - crack down hard on terrorists and criminals, and encourage decent immigrants to pursue legal means to remain here.  That is hard for some on the political Left to digest, as they seem to encourage criminals, but it is the only viable way to handle the issue.  And that leads to something else I wanted to discuss.

I am a bit concerned, working among some very liberal Catholic colleagues, with how some things are being twisted into political statements rather than carrying the spiritual meaning they were intended to have.  What comes to mind is Our Lady of Guadalupe, which is a powerful symbol of Marian devotion.  The appearance of Our Lady at Guadalupe in 1531 had at its core one important message - the salvation of souls.  She appeared as a sign pointing 10 million Indians to the Savior of their souls, and as a result perhaps one of the biggest religious renewals in history happened.  In time, it did transform society too, but not in the way some Catholic Leftists imagine.  The typical Leftist has tried to turn Guadalupe into a political statement - it is, for them, about indigenous rights.   Honestly, this is wrong, and here is why - many of the indigenous practices of that time were demonic.  That was a time when the Aztecs were either ripping the beating hearts out of other human beings, or they were wearing the flayed skin of other victims until it rotted off of them.  The masses then were enslaved.  While there was some abuse on the part of the Spaniards, this was not what Guadalupe was primarily in response to - that became a legitimate justice issue later.  Guadalupe was about the salvation of souls, the souls of a whole continent which at the time did not have the light of Christ, and God's grace was shown through Our Lady's appearance because of John 3:16, and not because of Marx's Das Kapital.  If someone is trying to politicize something sacred like that, they are guilty of the worst kind of desecration, and the Catholic "Liberation Theologian" is no different than Antiochus Epiphanes when he desecrated the Second Temple by sacrificing a pig in the Holy of Holies.  This is why "Liberation Theology" has been rightly condemned, and should still be so.  I give all this as background information about my decisions I need to make. 

I have been starting to reassess my tenure at this particular school I work at for several reasons, with the religious liberalism being a key one but there are others too I won't get into here.  I value and cherish sound Catholic education, but I feel restrained here to carry it out because a lot of the sentiment here seems to contradict it.  I have begun putting some feelers out, and we will see where it takes us.  For those reading this who are praying people, please remember me, as I can use a lot of divine guidance on this.   It has been weighing on me for a while now, and I am just at a point where something needs to change quickly.  I was just talking with another colleague a few minutes ago who expressed similar sentiments - when a school has the potential of creating a revolving door of faculty, something is sadly amiss.  So, it may be time to explore other options but much remains to be seen.  

I think I have pontificated enough today, and as we get close to the end of this year, I will add an occasional thought here or there to supplement.  Thanks for joining me again, and will see you soon. 

This Week's Reflections

 I originally was going to post something else this week, but decided against it due to the sensitive nature of it and the possibility of some unwanted blowback.   I will save that draft for the book instead.  

This has been a hectic week with a lot to adjust to.  My recent dental procedure has radically altered my eating habits at this point, and it was a major accomplishment last night when I was able to actually eat a piece of fried chicken!  I am ready to heal up from that, get adjusted to my new denture, and get back to life again - this became more complicated than I thought it would be.   However, on the positive, I got some much-needed dental care, and in a way that is a burden that is relieved. 

Aside from dental adjustments, it has also been a crazy week at work too.  We had what are called three-way parent/teacher conferences yesterday, and with the exception of one nasty woman who was just, well, a pain in my backside, those were relatively smooth.  We got to go in at 11 yesterday, but we stayed there until 7 at night - we do that at our particular school every year, so it is part of the routine.  Then, thanks to the merciful foresight of our principal, we got to do our professional development day from home, which was nice.  Then, there is tomorrow, when we have to go in for 3 hours to the school open-house which is also another pain-in-the-rear aspect of academic life here, but that too should be relatively uneventful (provided there are no more hostile parents like the one I had to deal with yesterday!).  Sunday then is my birthday, and after I get two days off, then back Wednesday, during which time our students will be at CWSP that day, and Thursday and Friday will wrap up the week.  Soon, it will be Thanksgiving week, and we get some time off then too, and a couple of weeks later it will be the start of Christmas break at that point.  That gets us halfway through our year then.  The second half of the year will be as follows once we are back in January.

From the time we get back in January from holiday break until about Easter week in April, it will be pretty mundane.  We will have that punctuated with occasional snow days, as is standard that time of year.  The time between the beginning of January and the beginning of April is perhaps the most mundane part of the year - not a lot goes on, it's pretty much a normal classroom routine, and it can be taxing.  We have a few holidays in between to break the monotony though, as well as CIP and asynchronous days, so it will be manageable.  And there is the Day of Service in March - this year I am not digging ditches again either - I think I will take our senior History teacher's cue and plant seeds at the Franciscan farm instead.  After Easter then, things start to ramp into high gear again as we begin the mad rush toward the end of the academic year.   The time between mid-April and early June is about as busy as it is between September and December at the beginning, but we also have a long summer break coming which helps.  All of this leads to a couple of things I am pondering at this point.

Although I have gained valuable experience teaching at this school, I am really thinking about other opportunities at this point.  The school workload is stressful, the student demographic is a bit too challenging at times, and then there are ideological differences with some of the other faculty and staff.  Despite being a nominally Catholic institution, our school has a large spectrum of teachers, and many of them lean a little left-of-center ideologically and politically, making me feel like a fish out of water at times.  Living back in Baltimore is almost like living in a foreign country to me anyway, as I don't feel as comfortable here as I did in both Hagerstown as well as in Florida.   That realization has led me to contemplate something else that is in the works as well, and I wanted to touch on that now.

Getting out of the city is a huge desire for me now - I technically never wanted to live in the middle of Baltimore anyway, and only did so because of work.  However, I am at a place both with credit and income that I can for once explore some options of home ownership, and later today I have a phone conference with a lender about the possibility of this happening.  I have already been pre-approved for two mortgage loans already, and it's just technically a matter of tying together some loose ends to make a purchase happen.  I am looking at White Marsh, as well as nearby Middle River, to see what is there for me and we'll see what happens.  I will know more later after my phone conversation with my potential lender, and will follow up later also. 

I am also on the verge of my 56th birthday, which is coming up Sunday.   As I approach my 57th year of life on this earth, a lot is on my mind - I feel the aging process catching up to me (especially with this dental work) and I have had to face some very obvious truths about my own limitations at this point in my life - what do I want to do, and more importantly, am I able to do it?? That question leaves me with more questions at times, and in all honesty I do feel a bit overwhelmed.  I think once the dust settles and things fall into place, I will begin to see a clearer picture.  And, my goodness, I hope that happens soon!

Well, those are my thoughts for this week, so I will see you next time.