Decisions and Thoughts

 As I write today, I am at home.  We were supposed to be at work at the school, but a light pole came down in front of the school so it was deemed unsafe to go, which in all honesty is a sort of blessing.  So, now that I am at home today, I wanted to take some time to reflect on the week ahead and also some things going through my mind.

As is the case this time of year, I am continuing my life story project.  I add information every year to it, and plan on doing so until I turn 60, at which point I will consider it finished.  There will no doubt be events and other things happening after I am 60 too, but I think at that point it is time to start finalizing documents and getting things typeset and such so that I can have a complete book by the time I retire.  Last week, I turned 56, so that means 4 more years to go before I start wrapping up a lot of current pursuits and begin to start collating work and making the bigger projects I have happen.  So, what do I want to happen before I turn 60 in four years?  Let's talk about it.

At this point, I have achieved a lot - I got my long-anticipated doctorate, I am finally in a career (teaching), and I took care of some health needs I  have, namely my dental issues.  The next big event on my agenda is getting my own house, which I am well on the way to doing at this point.  Getting a house is a process, as it takes time and you have a lot of steps to go through - you have to be pre-approved for a mortgage (done), you have to find a property you want (in progress), and then you have to come up with a down payment, go through the closing process, etc.  That can take a lot of time for it all to come together, as no one said owning a home was easy.  Having worked myself for many years in both the mortgage and title industries, I know this well.  My issue at this point is not my ability to own a home, but finding a home I can actually get.  That process had me thinking about a lot of things, and I have decisions to make.  Let me elaborate.

I have mentioned that I am starting to have some thoughts about looking elsewhere for employment, as a few things where I am currently at do concern me.  Back in my Pentecostal days, there was a practice known as "putting out a fleece," and it is based on the story of Gideon in Judges 6:36-40.  If you remember the narrative, Gideon was trying to figure out what to do as a conflict was immanent with an enemy, so he used a lamb fleece to seek God's direction.  As the story goes, if the fleece was damp with dew, it meant a go-ahead to engage the enemy and Gideon would prevail.  If the fleece was dry, it meant that God was saying no to war, and it meant that preparation was necessary before engaging the enemy.  This process, if I recall from the story, was done 3 times until by the third God had completely allowed the fleece to be saturated with dew, and Gideon practically wrung out a bucket of water from it the next morning.  It was his sign to do battle, and he won because he had God's direction.  In Pentecostal tradition, this idea of "fleecing the Lord" is often used to discern a major decision, and while I am not sure where it came from in the Pentecostal tradition, I myself have even utilized it.  The idea of the fleece is not to practice some type of superstition or divination, but rather to seek a clear sign of direction from God on a big decision that needs to be made.  I personally don't see anything wrong with the practice, as I have done it myself, but it is definitely a topic of debate among some Christian circles.  I am actually putting this into practice now for myself, as I want to do the right thing, and decisions should never be taken lightly.  As a committed Christian myself, I see the fleece tradition as a way to really rely on God for wisdom, so it has a legitimate ground.  The fleece I have out right now has to do with that sort of important direction, and let me explain how mine is set up.

It is no secret that there are two facts about my life that are true at the same time.  One, I hate living in inner-city Baltimore, but at this point I have no options.  Secondly, while teaching high school is a good way to build experience on a resume as well as having its own fulfillment in other ways, where I am teaching at now provides some unique challenges for me that at times can be overwhelming.  I won't go into those, but my fleece entails both of these situations.   Essentially, what I am seeking God's direction on is where to move - the need to get out of this inner-city place is non-negotiable, as it was meant as only a stepping-stone to where I should be.  However, the question is where to go now?  My fleece is therefore set up something like this - if God wants me to continue to teach where I am at, he will open the door to get me a place in a more desirable community that is conveniently close.   If God has other plans, then that door will open as well.  Because we live in a linear universe where time is a factor, the time frame I am placing on this fleece is the end of the school year, which will be at the beginning of June next year.  I have to know something by that point, and have a clear direction as to what I need to do.  However, two facts are clear.  One, getting out of this place.  And two, continuing my career without interruption in income, etc.  This motivation has led me to explore some options, a few I may not have considered before, so I will elaborate.

In all honesty, I am not necessarily bound to the Baltimore metro area for a future home or career, and am definitely open to relocating someplace else should a door open.  Just yesterday, as a matter of fact, as I was looking at potential homes, somehow I ended up looking at Brunswick, GA.  I don't have an overwhelming desire to move back south or anything, and in order for something like that to happen, it would need to be extremely good and fall into place.  In all honesty though, I am content to stay within the tri-state area (MD-VA-WV) and if anything, I would love to move back closer to West Virginia.  When I lived in Hagerstown, overall I was comfortable there, and to be honest had an opportunity come my way then I would have stayed.  Being in inner-city Baltimore right now often feels to me like I am living in a foreign country.   I know that just a little ways outside of the city are communities I would feel better in, but the second part of the equation comes into play, and that is opportunity. In order to initiate a move like that, I would need security of work, income, and feasibility for other aspects of life. Those are fleece conditions I have in mind with what I am seeking.  If the doors open up, hopefully I can have a clear vision of what to do and where to go.   That is the deciding factor in all this.  And thus, my dilemma.  

Overall, 2025 has been a sort of a recovery year for me - I got out of debt, I managed to get a lot of what I lost restored, and I have the job I always wanted, although not exactly where I wanted it.  I am starting to take care of some things I needed to take care of for some time (especially my dental work) and there is a sense of accomplishment doing so.  But, I still just don't feel quite myself yet.  Also, there is another more personal reason I wanted this to all come together, and although I am not at liberty to share it yet, it is a big step in my personal life too.  Hopefully that too will come together soon as well.  

That is essentially where I am at this week, and also is sort of looking like where my year may be ending at this point as 2026 is now on the horizon.  I am hoping to have a lot of good news to report soon, and for those of you who pray that read this, please remember me.  Thanks again, and hope everyone has a good week.  See you next time.