The Passing of A Legend and Other Thoughts

 As I am writing this today, there is a bit of sad news - the country music legend Dolly Parton passed away yesterday.  I wanted to share a little about that as well as some other thoughts as imagination dictates, so we will see where this goes.

I have never been a fan of Dolly Parton's music - it just wasn't my thing.  There was nothing intrinsically wrong with it, and indeed a few of her original songs (notably "Coat of Many Colors") had some inspiring messages and stories in them.  However, Dolly as a singer was just not my cup of tea as I have never been into country music.  However, on many other levels I really admired and appreciated her.  Dolly just had this quality that endeared her to almost anyone, and you just could not help but like her.  Granted, she was often the subject of humor, as her well-endowed bosoms were the talk of many comedians, but even she had fun with that with her own self-depreciating humor.  I think what really made Dolly so charming to many people was her sweet, folksy, and down-home personality, which really made her someone that everyone wanted to be best friends with.  Although I was not a fan of her music, I have to say though that Dolly was actually also a very talented actress - I am not sure if she developed cinematic presence as a career enhancement or what, but it worked brilliantly for her.   Her appearances in movies such as 9 to 5, Steel Magnolias, and Joyful Noise were classic performances, and she brought that wonderful personality in those roles.   One of the most amusing lines, as a matter of fact, in Steel Magnolias, was when she was gossiping with the neighbors about her new assistant (played by Darryl Hannah) and her newfound religious zeal, and she said the girl was so messed up that her boyfriend Sammy "didn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."  That line, every time I watch that movie (and I have seen it now dozens of times) still makes me chuckle, and I have even used it on occasion.  A line like that is not what you would call sophisticated prose, but it was clever, and that is something else I wanted to talk about.

The personality that Dolly radiated was just good old-fashioned Appalachian charm, and for those of us who grew up in the region we related to that well.  Dolly was like a familiar friend or neighbor to many of us, because she talked like us, thought like us, and we understood her.  I think that also added to her status as far as being both a musical and cinematic legend as well.  By what I understand too, she was like this when she encountered fans - unlike many celebrities who think their "common" fanbase was beneath them, Dolly interacted with people.   She never acted superior like she was somehow better than anyone else, and it was clear from observing her over the years that she never forgot where she came from.  In Tennessee close to where she grew up in Pigeon Forge, there is of course Dollywood, and in the center of that park there is an old house that - and I am not sure if it was the original house or an identical replica of it - gave a picture of Dolly's homeplace.  It was humble, not pretentious, and again, for those of us who grew up in the region we could identify with that.  I actually really enjoyed taking the tour of it years ago when I visited Dollywood, and it was perhaps one of my favorite parts of the park (besides the Southern Gospel Hall of Fame Museum on the grounds, which was also worth seeing too).  That aspect of who Dolly was endeared her to a huge cross-section of the American public, and even people with radically different worldviews from each other could appreciate Dolly in some aspect.  If anyone could truly have a gift of bringing people together, it was her.  That made Dolly a very uniquely American institution too, as just her person represented what America was intended to be.  Dolly was not perfect - she had a few social and political views I would fundamentally disagree with - but she was real, and that is what I respect about her.  President Trump is even ordering the flag to be flown at half-mast for her too, and I think that is a fitting honor for her.  Dolly truly was an amazing lady, and she will be missed for sure. 

Dolly Parton - who was the same age as my mom but maybe 11 months older - made me again think about my own roots.  In Scripture, there are many places that admonish us as a virtue to be honest with ourselves, and to be who we truly are.  When people act pretentious or superior, they lie to themselves, and when it eventually comes to light about who they really are, it creates scandal and embarrassment.  Being honest up-front with people about the person one is can be amazingly liberating, as you don't have to excuse your existence just to live up to a standard you were never meant for.  Again, this goes back to my continuous mantra of being consistent - God does not necessarily expect perfection, but he does expect us to be consistent with the person we are, and how he created us.  This is why, in one of the Timothy epistles I believe, St. Paul admonishes us to be straight-forward with our communication with others - when asked something, we let our "yes" actually be yes and our "no" actually be no.  It doesn't warrant us revealing every little deep, dark secret about ourselves (babbling like Chunk in The Goonies did with the criminal Fratellis when they apprehended him), but it does challenge us to be honest and consistent when people talk to us.  Too many people have made an art out of wordsmithing (I don't even know where that term came from, but I have always hated it) in that they can weave these pretentious, verbose explanations of things to try to skirt an honest answer - politicians have mastered that for generations.  The average guy has neither the time or patience for BS like that, and God doesn't either, which is why he addressed that specifically in Scripture.  Simple, honest, and consistent answers to questions will always be a good thing, even if it carries potential risk.  It may actually alleviate the potential for bigger problems if we are up-front in the first place, because then at least we can command the respect of the other person because we were at least honest with them.  I think Dolly Parton personified that well, as she is one of the few celebrities over the years who was consistent and up-front about herself, and I think that is why such a broad spectrum of people liked her.  We can learn much from that, and I speak to myself too, as I too have been guilty at times of weaving elaborate stories instead of just being up-front, and when I encountered someone with a well-honed internal BS meter, it brought me back to reality quick.  We've all been there, let's be honest.  And, that leads me to some other thoughts today.

Despite the common courtesy of consistency and being simple and honest in our communication, we tend to dig our own holes deeper at times when we allow our mouths to get us into trouble.  My ex-wife Barbara has a weakness for that, God bless her.  When she gets nervous, Barbara talks, and my goodness, does she talk!  She is almost like the fictional Chunk in The Goonies when someone else does not interact with her, and she has said things at times which were a bit more than what her listeners were asking for.  Doing that has gotten her in trouble, and on occasion during our marriage she got me on the hot seat too, which I would later get onto her about.  I am not sure whether that is a defense mechanism or just a nervous reaction, but I also surprisingly can understand it.  When you feel like you are losing the interest of someone you are talking to, it tends to be a natural response to just babble on and on about everything and then you say too much.  I too have done that on occasion as well, so I can't totally fault Barbara either.  It is interesting that cops and others rely on that nervous reflex though to get confessions out of people, and it is an effective strategy.  And that is another reason it is also important to guard what you share with others - it can come back to bite you.  While that seems on the surface like it is not consistent with the "yes and no" simplicity of Scripture, it is very much consistent with that because a part of communication is just sharing what is needed, and being careful with how you say things.  Being honest does not mean being so altruistically defenseless that anyone can take advantage - it is OK to have boundaries.  So, it is integral that as human beings we are both honest and consistent in the way we communicate, but also only share what is necessary and keep thing simple and relevant.  You do not need to go into a 3-hour spiel about your life story when a copy randomly stops you for being a little heavy on your gas pedal.  In a case like that, you acknowledge, apologize, and accept responsibility, and in the case of a minor traffic issue, a cop will respect you more and probably let you off with a warning if you conduct yourself honestly and without talking too much.  The two things go hand in hand and do not contradict. 

Speaking of keeping things simple, I think my point has gotten across, so I will wrap it up.  Dolly Parton was an institution, and she will be missed for a variety of reasons.  However, her legacy gives us a very valuable lesson - be true to yourself, and don't forget where you come from.  Thanks again, and will see you next time.