Recent Ramblings and Ponderings

Well, I don't know how to really start except to go impromptu on this one and see where it goes.  A lot has been on my mind lately, and as I sit here at 11:30 at night I wanted to see if I couldn't make some order out of all those random thoughts in such a way as to inspire inspiration.  So, I suppose a good place to begin would be to start with what comes off the top of my head.  My writing mentor, Robert Newton Peck, encouraged me to do it that way, as that is how he writes too.  He notes in his book, How To Write Fiction Like A Pro (Gainesville, FL:  Maupin House, 2006) that writing is "show business" - you don't tell it, in other words, but you show it.  I am not sure what I am showing you this late hour, but I will give it my darndest try!

One thought that comes to mind is the past week.  I have unfortunately been laid-off from work for a while, and to be honest we have hit a bit of a dry spell.  My mother has also been out of work too, and her situation is worse (long story there!), and to be honest, when trying to rise above my own limitations it sort of drives me nuts to hear her lamentations.  In order to create a little diversion for both of us lately and to diffuse the situation, I have introduced Mom to Google Maps, which honestly is a fantastic innovation since it has street views and you can practically do virtual trips while sitting at the comfort of your computer desk.  For some who know me, I have been on this little adventure of self-discovery - family genealogy, researching things from my own past, etc. - and have used tools like Google Maps to aid in that endeavor.  One day, I hope to compile all that information into a memoir book, and in a sense writing stuff like this is like a test run of the bigger project.  Introducing Mom to Google Maps actually helped her a little, as she was able to also help me with some things, particularly where we used to live in Baltimore when I was a kid, among other things.  When she comes up of a day to visit, the amusing little joke we have now is her asking, "So, where do you want to drive today?"  It has been fun, but also some other inspiration came out of it too.  One thing I recall from my days in Kirby, WV, was the local radio station, WELD-AM in Fisher, WV, a little town on a backroad between Moorefield and Petersburg.  Although a country station back then (and I am not a huge fan of country music, save Western swing of course!) WELD was also a source for much of the local happenings.  And, music aside, there was a sort of comfort to listening to that little station - it was as if you got to know the announcers.  Some of you old fogeys like me remember the local AM stations, so I know you understand what I am talking about.  That was in the days before greedy corporations swallowed up the local stations and screwed up their formats.  It was the same on Sunday nights, which as you may recall from my earlier work I listened to Henry Boggen on WBT-AM out of Charlotte, NC, the station that basically introduced me to vintage big band music and is largely responsible for the 1170+ CD collection I have over here to my right today.  Good music is so hard to find these days on the radio dial - I honestly hardly listen anymore to radio save the rare occasion I can pick up XM stations, which do broadcast a lot of what AM used to.  Local AM radio though was so comforting then, and like Saturday morning cartoons now it is unfortunately a fading memory that only a few of us share, as the Millenials don't have a clue in most cases.  It is a shame what they miss out on, isn't it?

The old WELD radio station, Fisher, WV

 

 

Speaking of things committed to memory, I heard in the news this week that the old Piggly Wiggly stores are closing.  We never had many of those in northern West Virginia where I was from, but I do remember them vividly when I used to visit Dad in Brunswick, GA, as a kid.  Also, back in my early college days, there was a Piggly Wiggly near the campus in Graceville, FL, many of us students relied upon for our shopping needs.   I always liked the Piggly Wiggly stores, as they were a lot more homey and less frigid than your typical supermarket.  Back when I was a kid, there was a similar chain with a store in Martinsburg, WV, called Acme Grocery.  Last I heard about the latter, it was bought out by Albertsons, which itself has downsized here on its home turf in Florida.  Things I remember which are now closed or forgotten - must be my age, as I am sitting on the doorstep of 44 now.  Grocery stores, AM radio stations, restaurants...so much good stuff, and so many good memories too.   

 

What is even more shocking is the number of people in recent years I have known a significant part of my life that have passed away.  Recently, due to having the time to work on it in lieu of my unfortunate layoff, I compiled all the obituaries I have collected over the years in a large GBC'ed book that I am placing on the shelf with other memorabilia for easy reference.  It seems like the older I get, the more obituaries I collect.  I have gotten to the point that I look through local papers of places I grew up in to see if anyone I know has met their maker yet, and then I print out the obituaries to add to my book.  Bizarre and pathetic?  Maybe, but at the same time it is also a humbling reminder of my own rapid approach of the half-century mark in a few short years - well, that and the rapidly-graying hairs on my head and my expanding middle - I don't even look like the same person I was, as I looked almost malnourished when I was in my teens and twenties.  The recent change of seasons has also awakened another harbinger of my approaching agism - for three weeks I have had probably the worst aches and pains in my right arm and elbow, largely due to an injury I suffered as a toddler in which I broke my right elbow.  Who needs Al Roker when you have Art Thrytis, right?

 

On a more serious note, it really gets to a person after being laid-off for a while too.  You work your butt off to hone your skills, have good and raving reviews from your former bosses, and also have striven to get a higher education, and no one pays attention.   I plan on soapboxing on this a little, because it has really been sticking in my craw for a number of years -it isn't going to be the most politically-correct thing to say either, but who cares.   It is no big secret that Corporate America is all about big bucks, and they don't care what they do or who they step on to get that wealth.  Originally, capitalism was designed for the cottage industry, the "mom-and-pop shop," and the ambitious individual who wanted to make a living by turning a passion for something into something profitable.  Then, two things happened - the Industrial Revolution and Big Government.  Many of the biggest and oldest corporations today were birthed by "Robber Barons" who drove the Industrial Revolution, and they got where they are by the worship of the Almighty Buck.  Quality took a back seat to mass-production, and what happened was that cheaper, inferior quality products flooded the market and made the rest of America lazy.  In the process, we lost quality.  These corporations have gotten so greedy now that in Bolivia a few years back one greedy corporate raider in San Francisco started "patenting" water, and as a result many native Bolivians were wrongfully arrested, their properties confiscated, and their livlihoods ruined all because they collected rainwater in a barrel.  My question to the greedy potz in San Francisco who caused that mess is this - how can you patent a basic element of life that God created?  Yet, a greedier government upheld the corporation, and warred against its own citizens because of it.  In the US, the consequences have been even more dire.  If it weren't for corporations, and the bureaucratic mess in Washington, DC, that empowers them, we would not have had the ugly racial issues that have plagued us since before the Civil War.   What I am saying is this - we were taught wrong about the Civil War.   It was not fought to liberate slaves; it was fought because Federal government couldn't regulate the slave trade, and Northern corporations that wanted a piece of the action incited the events that led to the Civil War as a result.  I truly believe that had the South been left alone, slavery would have ended on its own - many states in the South had ended the slave trade by the time the Civil War started, and it would have been only a matter of time before true emancipation of the slaves would have taken place (example - Wilburforce in England).  But, greedy politicians and corporate executives had other plans, and didn't have the patience to wait because they wanted to take over the South for themselves.  As a result, what followed the Civil War was 100 years of race tension, and today it has encouraged a mentality of entitlement in some sectors of the African-American population, which "plantation pimps" such as Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, James Cone, Jeremiah Wright, and others have made a lot of money profiting from exploitation.  Now, you have some Blacks acting the same way some Whites treated their forebears, and we have Washington and Wall Street to thank for it.   Does it sound like a conspiracy theory?  Maybe, but evidence speaks for itself.  Unfortunately, this facade of entitlement - under the guise of other names such as "affirmative action" and "political correctness" - has cost some hardworking people dearly.  There are many White families now - in particular my native Appalachia - that cannot get jobs despite having the good qualifications to do so, and it stinks.  Why is that?  Well, to avoid appearing too "discriminatory," these companies like hiring some fat Black chick who likes wasting more time talking on the cell phone instead of doing the job she is paid to do, and God forbid she gets fired - oftentimes, such a person is not even qualified for the job, and they get it based on skin color rather than skills and experience so that some idiotic "affirmative action" quota can be met and the company can avoid litigation over alleged "racism" should a termination be warranted.  All the while, qualified candidates are passed over.  Some other corporate execs like hiring attractive young 20-ish women so that they can ogle their body parts  - this is called "image consulting" by the talking-heads who claim to be "human resource experts," but the only consultation happening is some horny old millionaire exec ogling his hot young secretary's cleavage.   Yes, feminism and "women's lib" have come a long way (a lot of radical feminists are lesbians anyway, and they support this crap because they like ogling too - there, I said it; ooohh, call the "hate crimes" police!).  Again, truly skilled and qualified people who worked their butts off get passed over for mere erotic aesthetics.  Welcome to 21st century postmodern America!  I could say more about this, but I won't - I will be devoting a whole article to that in the future to be sure anyway.  

 

What do we talk about next?   I need to go a more positive direction now as I have soapboxed and may get myself into hot water if I say much more!    We mentioned Robert Newton Peck, an author I became familiar with in the fourth grade and later got to know personally as a mentor and friend.  The book that introduced me to his work was part of a series of small children's stories based on his childhood called Soup.  The Soup books were something I could relate a lot to - the exploits of a small-town kid and his buddy going on adventures, getting into mischief, etc.  What I was reading, as a matter of fact, was in many cases what I lived, although 50 years difference - the Soup series is set in 1930's rural Vermont, and I grew up in the 1970's and early 1980's in rural West Virginia.  The title character, Luther "Soup" Vinson, actually reminded me a lot of my old 3rd grade buddy Sim Taylor in Brunswick, GA, and as I read the books, I pictured Soup as looking a lot like Sim.  Wild imaginations, fishing, doing outdoor stuff - essentially, that is what I did as a kid too.  As a kid, I read a lot - my elementary schoolmates today still razz me about reading the whole set of World Book Encyclopedias in our 5th-6th grade classroom then, and I also had read entire cookbooks, a bunch of stuff on World War II history, a whole set of storybooks, and a 3-volume collection of Bible reference books Mom owned.  At the age of 13, I had read the entire Old Testament as well, and appreciated its history too.  I also loved atlases - to this day, I love just sitting down and taking an atlas or map, and studying it.  Back even in the late 1970's and early 1980's, kids were still encouraged to read - what on earth happened in the past 30 years??   Phil Robertson, the patriarch of the true American success story family on the popular Duck Dynasty series, said that although he grew up in the 1950's his family lived like it was the 1850's (Phil Robertson, Happy, Happy, Happy {New York: Howard Books, 2013] p. 9) - in my case, I grew up in the early 1980's and we lived like it was the 1930's.  I am one of the few kids my age from my era to attest that I attended elementary school in a 3-room schoolhouse, for instance.   I also am very familiar with outhouses and other such "luxuries," as we often had to live like that for periods of time.  Also, we didn't have much television, and oftentimes I entertained myself with reading books, listening to AM radio, and it also allowed for the burgeoning musical interest I developed later.  However, in the day hours, especially in the summer months, my time was spent outside.  At that time, I could read something in a book, it would spark an interest, and then I would try to re-create it somewhere.  It was called in those days imagination - many kids today, made into couch potatoes with their gadgetry, don't know the meaning of the word.  To them, creativity means wearing skinny jeans in a Starbucks somewhere and coming up with new text codes to share on their Facebook or Twitter accounts.  And skinny jeans - seriously, what on earth???  I am in agreement with my mentor Robert Newton Peck when he wrote on that subject this gem - "I'm sick of seeing blue jeans.  Denim bores me almost as much as a Meryl Streep movie.  why, in any one school, are some teachers dressed so neatly and others dressed as slobs?"  I have never worn blue jeans in my life, save when maybe I was very young, and find them somewhat distasteful.  And, now there is this skinny jean phenomenon - a man's 'nads were not meant to be scrunched up like that, and besides, they look pansy.  Again, this may get me some 'hate mail," but I could care less - skinny jeans look ridiculous.  As for Peck's observations on schools, it equally applies to churches, especially this "contemporary" crap - boys, tuck in those shirts and pull up them pants, and girls, dress more appropriately for the Lord's house, please!  Anyway, those are just some observations.

 

My friend and mentor, author Robert Newton Peck

That being said, the hour is late and I have rambled enough, but will return soon. 

The Old Spinster Teacher

Irma R. Schumacher (1916-2001)

Over the years, I have come across a number of fascinating people.  As I was digging through and organizing some personal memorabilia recently (being laid-off from work gave me the time to do so, but that is a whole other issue!) I came across some old articles from the retirement community, Carpenters Home Estates, where I worked as a security guard back around 1995-1997.   I make a habit of saving tidbits of information about people I come across in my life's pilgrimage, and when I worked at "The Estates," I came to know several fascinating individuals.  One of those was a sweet Minnesota-born old spinster and retired schoolteacher  by the name of Irma Schumacher.  

The old Carpenter's Home newsletter, The Shavings, used to highlight one of the residents every month in each issue, and in October 1997 they featured a good article on Ms. Schumacher where I am getting a lot of the material for my own little tribute to her here.  Ms. Schumacher was born in Minnesota, and was never married.  She was raised rural (which I can appreciate) as her father was a farmer by trade, but God had greater plans for young Irma, which started humbly with her vocation as a country schoolteacher near where she grew up.  In time, she would attend both Columbia University as well as getting a Master's from the University of Minnesota, and soon afterward her world literally opened.

A young country schoolmistress off the Minnesota farm, young Irma was soon commissioned in a civilian capacity to teach the children of servicemen who were on active duty, a position she worked in for many years until her retirement.  Her travels in this vocation took her to several lands, including the Phillipines, Morocco, and other nations of Europe, Asia, and Africa.  What fascinated me the most was her tenure in Ethiopia, which she wrote of and spoke of quite fondly and frequently.  She had the privilege, while educating schoolkids in Asmara, to even meet in person the late Emperor Haille Selassie of Ethiopia.  She truly had a rich and full life.

When I met Irma personally back in 1995, I was working as a security officer at the front desk at Carpenter's Estates in Lakeland, and being I worked on the evening shift, it was often quiet and some of the people would just come down to chat.  I got to know Irma pretty well at that time, and she would always capture my interest in those nightly conversations as she recalled many of her adventures overseas.  She was an incredibly articulate lady, very well-read, and she also loved to write - as a matter of fact, she did publish a book of her memoirs entitled Words In Edgewise, which was an apt description of her as she loved talking to people.  She lent me a copy of that fascinating snippet of her life, and I almost could not put it down because she wrote so positively and detailed of her experiences that it automatically captured the reader's attention.  In the personal copy she had, she also included a number of handwritten notes as supplementary material.  I would love to find a copy of that book today honestly, but unfortunately very few of them exist and it would be a miracle of the Almighty to find one.  Perhaps though one day I will come across something - who knows?  I have found rare stuff like this before, so anything is possible. 

A copy of one of Irma's articles from 1996 - the artwork was hers as well!

In an article she penned for the Shavings back in February 1996, she briefly recounted some of her experiences, but she also focused on a current dilemma she had at the time.  When she wrote that article, she was preparing to attend a reunion of her former students in Washington, DC, that they titled "Celebrating 50 Years of the Brat Experience" as a theme.  Her main issue in going was her hair color - should she go copper-colored, or remain naturally silver-toned?  She kinda did an unofficial poll at the time among her fellow residents and some of the rest of us, and I remember telling her to stay natural.  Her nephew told her it wouldn't really matter anyway due to her then-43-year-old yellow trademark hat that her students fondly recalled her wearing.  I don't remember myself what she decided upon, but she made it to the reunion and by all reports she enjoyed herself.  She deserved to - she impacted a lot of people's lives, and they are probably better because God blessed them with the privilege of her mentoring. 

Two things I remember personally about Irma Schumacher were her always-positive attitude (I don't think the lady had the capability of negativity, honestly!), and in contrast, she also suffered from a debilitating bone disorder that made her neckbones very rigid and brittle.  As a result, she never wanted to be hugged or touched by anyone, save a sincere handshake, because she feared suffering damage to her neck.  It was a shame too, because she was the type of lady you just wanted to hug - a sort of favorite sweet old aunt, in a way.   But, everyone respected her, although she would have to admonish newcomers that she was "fragile" and therefore it would discourage any backpats or hugs.  Perhaps she was just too overly cautious, but who's to say - she had her reasons, and that was OK by most of us who knew her.  Nonetheless, she was still a very loving individual, and as far as I can recall, no one really had anything bad to say about her.  People like that are a rare species, and it is always a blessing to get to know them.

Another interesting thing was that she had an interest in the ducks in the little pond out in front of the Estates, and one in particular that caught her attention was a drake duck she called "Daffy."  Daffy was unique - unlike a typical duck, Daffy had a cottonball-like topknot on his head that looked like a tiny wig, and it made him unique, but he was a cute duck.  Ms. Schumacher loved him, and often she would go out and feed and talk to him near the pond.  Unfortunately, in 1995 he met his demise when some unknown predator decided to have duck tartar for dinner, and Daffy was chosen by the critter to be the main course.  He was missed, and a gentleman at the Estates wrote an epitaphic poem about him and published it in the Shavings that month, per Ms. Schumacher's bidding.  I had thought up to this point that she wrote the poem - she could have honestly - but rather it was a gentleman by the name of David Ayers that penned it.  Here is a caption of its reproduction below:

In short, Irma Schumacher lived a full, vibrant, and very interesting life.  She never married, and never had kids - most of her maternal direction she reserved for a nephew, Frank, who kind of took care of and looked out for her.  Frank, as of 2001, lived in Nebraska, although he kept in regular contact with his aunt, and she spoke highly of him all the time.  As all good things must come to an end, so did the legacy of Irma Schumacher.  She developed dementia over the ensuing years, and due to complications from that she passed away on Tuesday, July 3, 2001.  And as legacies go, she has left a rich one.  I know I have said this on many occasions, but indeed the cliche that our loss is heaven's gain applies to Irma Schumacher.  When I see the sorry turn much public education has taken these days, it makes me long for the day when caring teachers such as Irma Schumacher and so many others imparted real education - not political soapboxes, not basketweaving to merely earn a paycheck - to students, and students learned something.  Robert Newton Peck, one of my favorite authors and also a personal writing mentor, said it best when he said this: " I respect teachers, so much so that I intensely distrust their unions who prey upon teachers and rob them of their money. Worse yet, when a teachers union hops into bed with a political party, education gets a slap in the face".   Irma Schumacher was one of the least political of people I have known, and she was also one of the most positive - she didn't soapbox about dumb issues, nor did she bemoan current administrations or other such crap.  She was just an old spinster schoolteacher from Minnesota who loved her life and treasured her blessings, which we could all learn a lot from.  God bless your eternal rest, Ms. Schumacher. 

Favoritism and the New Discrimination - Why We Need to Return to Qualifications-Based Employment and Chuck Political Correctness and Affirmative Action

There is much talk about the economy these days, and honestly the economy in the past few years has been a real roller-coaster ride.   However, a lot of economic issues are actually self-imposed by a society that has its priorities out of whack, and unfortunately I and many other middle-aged men (as well as a growing number of over-40ish women) have borne an unnecessary brunt of this nonsense.  What I am going to address here is going to be frank, it is going to offend some people's sensitivities, and it definitely will not be the "politically correct" thing to say, but I do not apologize for that.  It is my personal opinion that this so-called "political correctness" has done more harm than good, and it's time for it to go, as well as giving the people who invented that garbage a firm slap upside the head with a baseball bat.  As I write this, some of it mirrors my own frustrations and dissatisfaction with society as a whole, as I feel like at times I have been targeted because of my age, gender, and even faith at times - enough is enough!  Any rate, let us now move on to the discussion.

For me over the past 20 or so years, doing a resume is like trying to write a novel - it is lengthy, involved, and requires a lot of creativity to get people's attention.  It is hard to believe this, but in the past 20 years, I have had a total of over 40 jobs!  Yes, 40!  That amounts to on average 2 jobs per year.  Many of them - the majority actually - have been contract/temporary positions, and none have even lasted two years.  In the past couple of years, the story gets even worse - I have spent most of that time unemployed totally, and it seems like regardless of what I do I had issues getting work.  Some judgmental people would say that it is my fault, but the fact of the matter is most of those jobs ended involuntarily - I was laid off from several, others were short-term work that I had no choice in the length of time I stayed or when they cut me loose, and some were hit hard by the economy and couldn't afford the extra payroll expense, so it wasn't necessarily the employer's fault either in those cases.  Some others may say that it is my credentials - they would try to reason that I need more experience or education, etc.  However, a good look at my own skills and experience would blow that out of the water fast too.  And, as I talk to people, I see that I am not necessarily the only one - at this time, I have at least 5 friends who have been up against the same challenges, and I hear of more every day.  My own mother, as a matter of fact, is 66 years old, has an extensive and stellar work history as a CNA, yet as I speak now she is living on tomato sandwiches because no one will even talk to her about a position.  In all these cases - including mine - there are some common factors.  First, all of the people I mentioned are White.   Second, many of us are middle-aged or elderly.  Third, although the overwhelming majority of these people (including myself) are middle-aged males, I have also noticed that women over a certain age are being hit like this too - my sister-in-law, for one example, is in her 50's and has an impressive resume that includes even executive-level experience, yet no one talks to her either, and she is having to resort to living off her savings right now because she cannot collect benefits, and although she does have one job prospect, they are waiting forever to call her on it.  What in the Sam Hill is going on??

First, let me tell you about my own credentials.  I have 15 years of experience as an Administrative professional, and it has been overall a good history - the majority of my supervisors I have had say I am detailed, have a good work ethic, and am highly professional.   I also have a strong educational background - I have a BA degree, as well as a Paralegal Studies certificate, and I am currently in graduate school earning a Masters.  In my Administrative work, I have an extensive background in Mortgage and Title, as well as extensive law office experience.   Yet, many of the job applications I have submitted I don't even get a common courtesy of hearing back from, and it really bugs me.  With my level of experience and knowledge, some of these jobs should by all measures be in the proverbial bag for me, yet I haven't gotten into one yet.  I fail to understand why, until I started doing some research into it and what I discovered was disturbing - many of these employers end up hiring some 20-something young girl with a big bosom and shapely legs who doesn't even have half the experience, and generally what happens is that this new employee cannot do the job right, yet she keeps the job anyway.  Why?  It is pretty simple - the employers hiring her want a pretty face to ogle over, and could care less about someone who can get the job done.  That is a loaded allegation I know, but let's face it - I have seen that way too often.  Or, if it is a female manager, she will hire this young 20ish-something guy fresh out of college with no experience for a similar reason - yet, the job listings say you need this, and need that, and so many years experience of this or that, etc.   Interesting, to say the least.  That being said, let's talk about some other things I have noticed.

One thing that really chafes my shins is this idea of "mandatory credit checks" for jobs.  Seriously?  First off, what does a credit score have to do with your performance of the job?  Second, why do some jobs require stupid things like this for menial tasks (yes, I have heard of janitors having to pass credit checks to get a whopping $6 an hour - really??)?  I have this to say to employers who want to nose around in your credit history for a job consideration - perhaps if you would loosen up a little and hire good people in the first place, you idiots, perhaps it wouldn't be necessary.  Secondly, if you would have given those people you are punishing work in the first place, perhaps they would have had the income to avoid credit issues - duh!!!!  So, some of these managers need to stop looking at their employees' boobs and butts, lusting over them, and stop punishing skilled workers with minutiae like credit checks - the economy might improve if maybe some unqualified management in these companies was replaced.  However, common sense was never a prerequisite for managerial perks in Corporate America, and good looks in the end win out over proven experience.  Welcome to 21st century Corporate America, folks!

Let's talk about something else that is equally disturbing - a potential employee's use of social media.  I am of the opinion that the First Amendment allows people to have freedom of speech and expression, and that no one should be disqualified from work they are perfect for just because they have a Facebook or Twitter account, because what these people do on their own time is their business.  It is one thing, for instance, to make sure a potential candidate for a job is not a serial killer, a terrorist, or a sexual deviant; as an employer, I would take those precautions too.  Also, it is fine to make sure a potential candidate for a position is not addicted to crystal meth or crack - altered chemical-induced mental states do affect job performance.  But, when a person wants to talk politics with their friends, share religious convictions, or speak out on something, that is their right and their business.  You are hired for a job - at least you are supposed to be! - based on your skills at doing the required tasks of the job, not on whether or not you like the current President of the US or not.  Some companies too are so insecure about their own reputations - call that self-inflation - that they get paranoid that (God forbid!) an employee may mention their name on their Facebook page.   I have learned something about that - if a company is that sensitive about people saying anything, it means simply that there may not be something right with how said company is run, and my question to the corporate management would be what they are trying to hide.   Also, let me put the brass at some of these companies to rest - after your employees have had a busy day at your office, the last thing most of them want to talk about is work, and I really don't think you are going to be coming up in the conversation with their Facebook buddies, really.  Bottom line is that these corporate management types need to get over themselves, simple as that.  Also, while I am on that subject, why is it when a company goes prying into a potential employee's personal business, do they never see the good?  I, for instance, am a capable artist, writer, and culinary genius (my humility shows, doesn't it?), yet I don't see anyone taking an interest in that.  It just seems like the company is just trying to dig up dirt instead of learning about your talents and abilities (unless the potential employee is a hot young female with a well-endowed cup size on their bras - curious there, and forgive the sexism of that remark please).  Bottom line, there is an imbalance in the way companies screen potential employees, and that has to stop; good people are denied work, their families suffer, and they often are not told why. 

Now, let's talk about the experience factor.  I have taken paralegal training, and even have earned a certificate in Paralegal Studies.  I got that back in 2006 in order to help my job prospects, but as of yet I have not even had a paralegal opportunity.  It seems like most law firms will not hire paralegals unless they have 3 to 5 years of experience, which makes no sense.  First, the number sounds like a prison sentence - "3 to 5 before you work for us!" - and second, if the leg-up is not given, then how does a person gain the experience??  Especially for the legal profession, the following is for you:

Now, getting back to the male issue.   I am a soon-to-be 44-year-old male with 15 years of office experience, stellar references, and a high level of education, yet I have had problems getting work.  Some others I have met have similar problems.  No, I don't claim to be a fashion model, I don't have female body parts, but I am good at my work.  So, why do companies ignore people like me - not even a polite rejection letter in most cases - who can do the job, have the perfect qualifications, yet we're rejected?   You know, I can understand (and wholeheartedly agree) that women and minorities deserve equal opportunities, but in recent years "affirmative action" regulations and "political correctness" have gotten so out-of-hand that often good candidates for jobs are passed over because the candidate has "two berries instead of a cherry," or lighter skin color.  What do these externals have to do with skill and ability to perform the tasks of a position, really?   If a woman or someone of color does have better qualifications for the job, then I in no means have an issue with that at all - a company should hire people who are up to the task, and externals have nothing to do with that.  However, on one too many occasions, I have been passed over for jobs because some young girl, or some fat Black woman who talks too much on a cellphone and can do little else, gets a job based on the externals - often, those same people end up being fired or they quit, but that is OK too, because they can just yell "workplace discrimination" even when none is involved.  It's frankly just ridiculous.  America's economic state would be so much better if we started hiring qualified people based on their experience and skills (regardless of color, as there are talented individuals of all shapes, colors and sizes) rather than trying to meet some stupid "quota" just to keep the government from poking its nose in and saying "Ah, you don't have enough Blacks, or Spanish-speaking people, etc."  Who cares, honestly??  At the end of the day, it is the person who gets the job done that matters - that person may speak with a Spanish accent, or could be White, Black, male, female, old, young, skinny, fat, etc; it doesn't really matter - and in the end it benefits both the employee and the company as well.  In other words, if you are going to be "equal opportunity," then be equal in recognizing the skills and talents of employees who can do the job; God forbid, in some cases that may even be a 44-year-old slightly overweight White guy, or a 66-year-old White woman! 

I know this is going to be controversial, and I may be misrepresented in what I have said, so let me close out by saying this.  All people - Black, White, Hispanic, male, female, old, young, fat, skinny, etc. - have potential, and all of us have suitable skills for the job or task that is perfect for us.  It is time we recognize that, and stop letting societal quirks deny some while priveleging others.  And, although I don't think women should be denied any opportunity they work hard for, I also feel that same courtesy needs to be extended to men who are equally qualified.  If the reader gets nothing else out of this, let it be that.  Thanks again until next time.

Sax-Squatch - the Appeal of the Giant Saxophone

By now, many reading this know I am a record collector with close to 2000 recordings on both vinyl and CD.   However, I also play saxophone, and have done so since my junior high school years.   Being both a collector of vintage music and a sax player myself, there are some things over the years I have gotten interested in, and the monster saxophones are one of those.

This is from my high school years many moons ago - I played baritone sax in the school marching band then.

Do any of you remember from about 20 years ago Tim Allen's hit show Home Improvement?  Tim played a character in the show who had his own fictional home improvement show by the name of Tim Taylor, and anyone who watched it would know that the character he played was the original "gearhead."  If he saw a souped-up '60's muscle car, for instance, his reaction to the power of the engine revving was a sound like "Arr-arr-arr!"  We boys like our toys, and although not all of us are "gearheads," there is something about an object of our interest being bigger, more powerful, and exuding immensity - it's a guy thing.  And, what gets me transfixed is seeing the biggest of the big as far as the musical instrument I specialize in.

For the most part, when people think of saxophones they think alto, tenor, and baritone (although with the arrival on the scene of a musack-tooting, long-haired scheisskopf by the name of Kenny G, more people know about the soprano saxophone too - I suppose something good besides the effect of Sominex has to come from Kenny G!).  However, there are a whole range of other saxes besides these, including what used to be the elusive bass sax.  The bass saxophone is about 4 feet tall, and in my own music collection I have recordings of a lot of ensembles that have featured it, mastered by such people as Adrian Rollini, Joe Rushton, and Boyd Raeburn among others.  In this day and age, I have a good familiarity with the bass sax, although I still want one and love its sound.  However, there are bigger creatures in the saxophone Serengeti than the bass, and we'll talk about those now.

The mighty contrabass saxophone, this one manufactured by Orsi in Italy

 

The first of the big boys is a 7-foot behemoth, the contrabass sax.  The contrabass has been around for several decades, although it was rarely seen except maybe in some 1970's recordings of jazz artist Anthony Braxton.  However, in the late 1990's, a company in Italy called Orsi patented a new model of the contrabass, and recordings of it began to pop up all over the place.   One of the groups that featured it at around that time was a small dance band called the Nuclear Whales Saxophone Orchestra, as its leader, Don Stephens, acquired one.  Since then, it has been featured as well by young and talented composer Adam Gilberti in his works The Genesis Concert and Dragon's First Flight, the latter featuring himself and three other well-known contrabass talents - young Blaise Garza, Dr. Jay Easton, and Grant Green.  

 

Performance of Adam Gilberti's Dragon's First Flight from around 2004, with (l to r) Gilberti, Grant Green, Dr. Jay Easton, and Blaise Garza.

 

You will notice from the above picture that although these are four varieties of contrabass (and Green's subcontra - more on that shortly), a couple of them look different than the others.  Reason for that entails a company in Germany, Benedikt Eppelsheim, which in the late 1990's patented a new type of low-register sax called a Tubax, which is smaller, more compact, and easier to manipulate wind to play than the conventional contrabass.  The Tubax comes in two varieties - one is an E-flat contrabass, and the second is the B-flat subcontrabass.  Both are also relatively more economical to purchase than the Orsi conventional contrabass, although they still run a pretty penny.  

 

 

  Eppelsheim Tubaxes - top is the B-flat subcontra, and below is the E-flat contra.

 

 The Tubax has also encouraged the more widespread use of lower-register saxes, and now they are starting to be more readily available.

 

The ultimate saxophone though is an elusive 9-foot monster called the B-flat subcontrabass.   This grandaddy of saxes was not believed to have existed prior to the past 20 years, although there is some 1950's footage of a Steve Allen clip in which it appears one was played - it took 3 guys to play it in that clip.  The clip unfortunately is not easy to find unless you have access to the old "Steve Allen Shows" of the 1950's, but it is perhaps the oldest footage available of a giant sax.  In recent years, there has been a renewed interest in the conventional and compact subcontras, and a Brazilian-based company, J'Elle Stainer, finally built both - the compact subcontra was manufactured by them back in 2010, and the conventional subcontra (over 9 feet tall!) was just recently introduced.  Both of them are something to behold, and hearing one of them is even more of an experience!

 

Italian saxophone virtuoso Attilio Berni playing the J'Elle Stainer compact subcontrabass sax

 

The conventional subcontrabass saxophone manufactured by J'Elle Stainer.

 

The conventional subcontra was recently featured with Attilio Berni, an Italian saxophonist.  Berni is a collector of many odd and unusual saxes, and he features many of them on a tour he does called Saxophobia (An American counterpart, Rob Verdi, has undertaken a similar project).  Being able to see this legendary horn in a concert setting is quite an experience, as the thing practically dominates the stage.   Eppelsheim has capitalized on this as well, and now they offer their own versions of both the contrabass and subcontrabass conventionals.  The Eppelsheim models vary in design somewhat from the J'Elle Stainers, but they do produce a crisp sound and I believe are available at a somewhat more affordable price.   

 

The conventional B-flat subcontrabass saxophone manufactured by Benedikt Eppelsheim.

 

If you are looking for recordings of the contra, subcontra, and tubax, here are some recommendations.  Obviously, if you are into more of the vintage big dance band material, the Nuclear Whales Saxophone Orchestra are the best option for that.   The Nuclear Whales are no longer together as a unit, but they do have several CD's as well as a VHS concert still available - their later CD's feature the contrabass.  From more of a jazz perspective, I would suggest Scott Robinson's CD Thinking Big, as it is one of the best recordings of classic jazz as played with the contrabass.  Also, the Attilio Berni and Rob Verdi Saxophobia concerts feature some good music on them, mostly dance band and classic jazz - Berni's is only available from Italy, and you will need to play the DVD's of the concert on a computer, as a conventional DVD player will not play those.  On the classical side of things, Adam Gilberti's Genesis Concert is a definite requisite - Gilberti, a gifted young composer from California, not only features the contrabass sax and both Tubaxes in his compositions, but also a host of other unique instrumentation - octobass flutes, etc.  Finally, if you want vintage, the person to look for is Anthony Braxton, who in the 1960's and 1970's recorded several avante garde jazz LP's featuring the contrabass saxophone.   Also, Sigurd Rascher deserves mention - his recordings date back to the 1950's, and he was a pioneer of the saxophone and an early contemporary of its inventor, Adolph Sax.  Rascher's works for saxophone are some of the first concert music recorded for the instrument, and he also was an early advocate of the contrabass, as you will hear it on his orchestra and ensemble recordings.  

 

In short, the contrabass and subcontrabass saxophones are some interesting territory to explore, and I am sure that if you are not familiar, it will be an interesting experience for you.   Take care until next time.   

 

 

 

Debunking Appalachian Stereotypes

Within the past year, certain high-profile "neocons" have seen fit to pick on mountain people for some reason.   About a year ago, for example, commentator Bill O'Reilly made a scornful statement about Appalachian culture that honestly was uncalled for and just reprehensible.  In April 2012, for instance, he said "The culture in Appalachia harms the children almost beyond repair.  Their parents are screwed up. Kids get married at 16 or 17, their parents are drunks.  There’s a culture of poverty and ignorance there...You know, I don’t want to rebuild the infrastructure of Appalachia I want to leave it pristine, it’s beautiful." (Lisa King, "Bill O'Reilly's Scorn for Appalachia Still Echoes in the Mountains," at http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/appalachian-chronicles/2012/apr/24/bill-oreillys-scorn-appalachia-still-echoes-mounta/) This stupid, ignorant rant of O'Reilly, the son of a drunk Irishman (no offense to the Irish, but O'Reilly's grandfather was a bootlegger), still reverberates like the aftershock of an electric fence in a rainstorm for many of us, and had he said that against Blacks, he would have had Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson suing the crap out of him (Jackson and Sharpton have no credibility with me either, as both of them are racist plantation pimps).  Also, despite being supposedly "pro-life," it is scary that O'Reilly almost sounds like Margaret Sanger, the eugenics-driven, gold-digging hussy who founded Planned Parenthood and called Appalachian people and others "human weeds."  But, if that wasn't enough, then we have a couple of months back Pat Robertson, who made similar statements when he said this - "That's the big problem, especially in Appalachia. They don't know about birth control. They just keep having babies.  You see a string of all these little ragamuffins, and not enough food to eat and so on, and it's desperate poverty."  (http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/pat-robertson-says-birth-control-very-important-to-limit-appalachian-ragamu).  The tragic thing about Robertson's statement is that he is supposed to be a Christian minister, but I am not seeing much Christlikeness in his attitude when he more or less wants to eradicate a whole population of people.  What is even worse is the fact that much of those stereotypical comments and idiotic statements are wrong, and I am living proof that they are.  Bottom-line is, it seems as if "hillbilly bashing" has become popular today among conservatives and liberals alike, and I for one am about sick of it.

Bigot #1 - Bill O'Reilly, the bootlegger's grandson

 

Bigot #2 - the compromising, hypocritical and half-senile televangelist Pat Robertson

 

Bashing mountain people and their culture is nothing new for the "upper crust" in society, as they have been doing it for generations.  Dr. Loyal Jones, the noted Appalachian scholar and retired professor of Appalachian Studies at Berean College in KY, notes this when he talks about the way that Appalachian people are often portrayed when he sums it up well by saying it this way - " Poor rural people are about the only ones in the country that you can make fun of all you want to with near impunity. Political correctness fades away when the subject is a poor hillbilly. Therefore they make wonderful scapegoats." (Loyal Jones, "The Poor In Rural American Are Not Laughing," at http://www.ruralstrategies.org/poor-rural-america-are-not-laughing)  Jones, in his excellent book, Faith and Meaning in the Southern Uplands (Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 1999) notes that this type of bigotry was often carried out in the name of "religion," in that many early "missionaries" were not sent so much to proclaim the Gospel, but rather as "agents of uplift" in order to 'civilize the savages."  He writes on page 4 of the book the following:

"In my view, no group in the country has aroused more suspicion and alarm among mainstream Christians than have Upland Christians, and never have so many missionaries been sent to save so many Christians as has been the case in this region.  Mainline Christians believed strongly that Appalachian people had to be saved from themselves - not only from their ignorance of standard educational matters but especially from their cultural values and native religion."

 

This sentiment is echoed by other capable scholars, such as Dr. Ralph Hood, professor of Psychology at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga who has also worked extensively among the serpent-handling Christians of the region, when he notes in his book, Them That Believe (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2008) that in particular regard to the serpent-handlers there has been a lot of misrepresentation and unfair treatment by the secular media (both liberal and conservative, I might add!) and unfair, unjustified stereotypes abound (Hood, p. 3).  What Hood says about serpent-handlers in particular applies as well to Appalachian culture in general.  One stereotype in particular is this whole stupid thing that we are "inbred" or something, and honestly, that does get old to many of us who are native to the region.  One of my own family's genealogists, Carolyn White, addressed this in the family history she authored of my mother's folks from Dry Fork, WV, entitled The Family Album - Dry Fork District (Aurora, WV:  Bookmakers, 2005) in a section entitled "A Word About Kissing Cousins" on pages 5-6.  Carolyn says (rightly) that the circumstances of the time - isolation, limited transportation, etc. - may have facilitated some "kissing cousin" marriages to happen, but by and large they were often distant cousins who were not closely related (lest Appalachia gets a bad rap for that, it also happened in the European aristocracy with more frequency, so there!).  Like she says, I too am tired of Appalachia in general - and my home state of West Virginia in particular - getting a bad rap for this and being the object of jokes and judgemental allegations.  And, for those who make those jokes and allegations (including you, O'Reilly!) I say this - shut up, grow up, and do something more constructive with your time.  And, I give some of those wags the ultimate insult - some of our relatives married their cousins out of necessity, yet some of the critics molest their own kids out of choice, so what is their excuse??  

Now that I have stated the case, it is time for my commentary.  When Trayvon Martin, who was a common street thug, was shot by George Zimmerman here in FL when Martin attacked him, the press made a huge stink out of it - Zimmerman might as well have been Hitler, because the "race card" was played to the extreme.  Many Blacks and others can do anything they want, get away with it, and if you question them, you are called "racist" for doing so.  Yet, I don't hear people doing the same for poor Appalachian people when they are maligned - where are Jesse, Al, and all the other plantation pimps there??  Take for example my good friend Verlin Short.  Verlin lives in the town of Mayking, KY, and he is a hard-working, devoutly Christian man who loves his family, minds his own business, and is just a good guy.  Yet, he has been arrested on many occasions, and you know what his crime was?   It was taking up a rattlesnake in a church service!!  Seriously??  You have Islamic terrorists blowing up buildings, Black street thugs killing their own people even, and yet Verlin gets a bad rap for practicing his religious convictions???  Obama, our worthless President who wants us to attack a country (Syria) which poses no security threat to us, had his nose all in the Trayvon thing, but where was he when Verlin was unjustly imprisoned?   My guess - he was out playing golf and sipping Mai-Tais on a beach in the Caribbean somewhere (at taxpayer expense I might add!) and could have cared less.  Well, here is what I have to say about that one - if I had a brother, I would be honored if he was half the man Verlin Short is! What I have said here is not going to be considered "politically correct," and quite honestly, I could care less.  Every race of people, and every culture, has its good and its bad individuals - there are good Blacks, and there are others for whom the "n" word fits, and there are good Appalachian-Americans and others who would be considered "White trash."  Problem is, this day and age the bad behavior of some groups of people is glorified, while the good people of other groups are villified.  Really??   A little consistency might be nice here, folks. 

I was born and raised in West Virginia, a fact I appreciate more as a get older.  I regret however that in my younger days, due to the idiotic stereotypes of our people I have addressed above, I was actually ashamed to say where I was from - often I would tell people I was from western Maryland (I grew up 14 miles south of the Maryland state line) or from Pittsburgh.   Looking back on that now, I was stupid in doing that, and when we West Virginians have to lie about where we are from, it reinforces idiots like Bill O'Reilly and Pat Robertson in their accusations and stereotypes.   If you are from West Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, western North Carolina, northern Georgia, or southeastern Ohio, be proud of who you are and stick up for the place of your birth!  God put you there for a reason, so there is nothing to be ashamed of.  This is especially for younger Appalachian kids and youth - your friends may make fun of who you are, but you have nothing to be ashamed of;  who you are is a person of rich heritage, strong resolve, driving ingenuity, and good values, something much of society lacks today.  I am politically conservative too, like O'Reilly and Robertson claim to be, but I also remember who I am.  It is time all of us who are from the Appalachians do likewise.  God bless until next time.

 

Good TV May Be Making a Comeback!

For those of you who get the Sunday paper and that little insert inside called the Parade, you may have noticed this past week on the cover the picture of four beard-adorned and camo-clad men standing in a Louisiana swamp.   The four men are part of a family called the Robertsons in West Monroe, LA, and for millions of people in the US like myself, they are one of the most famous families on television, thanks in large part to a show featuring them on A&E Network called Duck Dynasty.   Although it has only been on for a little over a year, I just discovered it a couple of months ago when I was on the toilet and heard the TV - some old geezer (whom I later discovered to be none other than the crazy uncle, Silas "Uncle Si" Robertson, who is a fan favorite with good reason!) was talking about stopping to smell the roses and getting nailed on the schnozz by a big bee when doing so (his advice - stop and smell the roses quickly or you will get nailed!) and this intrigued me.  I discovered that day something many of my own family had been raving about, and instantly became a Duck Dynasty fan.  

The Robertsons of "Duck Dynasty - (l to r) "Uncle Si", Miss Kay, Jase, Korie (Willie's wife), Willie (seated), and Robertson patriarch Phil.

 

 

Duck Dynasty indicates something that similar shows - notably History Channel's Swamp People and Animal Planet's Call of the Wildman, both of which are personal favorites - airing in recent years are revealing about the public;  people like clean entertainment that they can relate to.  A bunch of gay kids on that sick show "Glee" just doesn't cut it for most, and bad screeching called "music" on these shows like American Idol and The Voice make for pretty faces with no talent.  With the Robertsons, what you see is what you get, and they are who America has said it loves.   And, the trend is repeated on other channels too - a whole network, as a matter of fact, features traditional values and has an audience of its own, and that network is RFD-TV.  On there, a good variety show called Larry's Country Diner features an equally-funny comedienne called Nadine whose witty repertoire will have you in stitches for hours.  One of Nadine's pearls of wisdom is this - "Smoking won't send you to hell, but it sure makes it smell like you've visited!" as well as gems of spirituality such as "Some people think they can sow their wild oats all week and then pray for crop failure on Sunday."  The appeal of these shows - in particular to people brought up in small-town America like myself - has always been there (remember The Beverly Hillbillies, the Waltons, and Little House on the Prairie?) but it's as if there has been a resurgence over the past few years or so.  Hopefully it continues!

 

The one and only Nadine, from "Larry's Country Diner."

 

This whole phenomenon  of rural-based entertainment goes back some years ago too, with characters both fact and fiction.   Remember The Red Green Show that used to be on PBS, for instance?  That was hilarious!  I can still hear Red Green (played by Canadian actor/comedian Steve Smith) prattle in his gruff voice, "Duct tape - the handyman's secret weapon," and along with Lawrence Welk, Red was a regular Saturday night fixture in our house for several years.  It is really unfortunate that PBS didn't see the benefits (especially with the wildly ascending popularity of the aforementioned Robertsons!) of keeping Red Green on the air, but fortunately there are DVD's!

Red Green and his ever-handy roll of "the handyman's secret weapon."

 

 

Then of course, mention must be made of the Blue Collar boys - Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall.   They still have a huge following, and are some of the most talented and hilarious comedians out there today.   Now, they have become animated in a show on CMT called Bounty Hunters, and are as funny as cartoons as they are as real people.  Again, people do relate to this stuff, and only Hollywood is too stupid to realize it - they keep trying to push agendas (like sticking the gratuitous "gay" character now in almost every show, which really makes no sense!)  rather than entertain anyway, so Hollywood is becoming more irrelevant because it is out-of-touch with most normal people.  Perhaps the new center of American entertainment should be in either the South or Midwest, where quality programming could be made like Duck Dynasty which would impart values that many of us who live in the Land of Normal (as opposed to New York, Washington, DC, and LA) can relate to.  Keep praying and pushing for good programming, and maybe one day the chuckleheads at the big entertainment companies will finally get the hint. 

 

Polka 101 - A Lesson!

You will notice that I do a specific subject followed by a more general entry, but do not ask me why!  At this point I am killing some time at the library at my university as class let out sooner and I have nothing better to do, so thought I would share here today.

To begin, let's see...my new CD acquisitions are worth mentioning.  This past Friday I received six of the seven CD collection of Lawrence Duchow's orchestra, with recordings collectively dated between 1938-1952.  It would probably be a good idea to explain a little about who Lawrence Duchow was, as he is also an important pioneer as far as my music collection is concerned.   Duchow had an early polka orchestra that had its genesis in Wisconsin in the 1920's, although most of his available recorded work comes a few years later.  He was similar in style to some other orchestras who were his contemporaries - "Whoopie John" Wilfahrt, Harold Loeffelmacher's Six Fat Dutchmen, etc. from neighboring Minnesota - in that he played primarily German-style polkas which reflected the tastes of the upper Midwest demographic (and still does today).  However, he is also pivotal in dance band history too, as it was people like him that influenced and was contemporaneous with another young German Lawrence - that last name you'd know as Welk! - from the Dakotas.  And, he adopted the format accordingly - his essentially was a polka big band.  Another similar orchestra from the same area - Romy Gosz - was even more like a traditional dance band (I want to say Gosz played trumpet with Duchow for a short time, but I could be wrong on that, so I need to check the polka history book I have at home to verify that fact).  Any rate, I got to sample the CD's I received, and he did have a fairly good-sounding group.   Gosz will be my next acquisition in the summer, as there are 8 CD's of vintage material from him I want to get my hands on too.  If you are interested in getting some of this vintage stuff (and it is collectible!) the place that has it is www.polkamart.com , as it is their label, PolkaLand Recordings, that reissued it.  However, a word of caution about ordering from them - be prepared to wait a while!  As a matter of fact, you may be waiting up to four weeks for the discs, so hopefully it isn't life-or-death to get them!  On the positive though, they do have some fantastic collections, and they are definitely worth a look.  If you want the CD's faster though, I want to recommend a better source I have also shopped with for many years, and that is my good friend Cy Pfannenstein at www.cysmusic.com.  Located in Avon, Minnesota, Cy will hook you up with any polka recording if it is in existence, and he is good about getting them to you in a timely manner as well.

early pioneer polka bandleader Lawrence Duchow

Brave Combo leader Carl Finch with Miss WestFest 2012

 Polka music is one of those things that is greatly misunderstood unfortunately by many, who think it is a bunch of drunk Germans at Octoberfest playing accordions and tubas while clad in lederhosen.  However, polka is a multi-faceted musical genre that is also very cross-cultural.  In the US alone, there are at least 12 different types of polka music, and each is pretty much the product of its ethnic audience, geographic location, and other factors.  Even the instrumentation isn't the same.  Take, for instance, a group like Brave Combo.  This polka band is probably the closest thing polka has ever come to a fusion with rock music, and its leader, Carl Finch, looks like the product of an explosion that fused Willy Nelson and Elton John together.  They are top-notch musicians, although not my cup of tea personally.  Then there are the Polka Nuts from Brighton, Colorado.  Largely the creation of the Gaschler family almost 30 years ago, who are descended from Volga German immigrants from Russia who settled the Rockies, they are the most famous example of a group that plays "Dutch Hop," a style of polka that is unique to the Volga Germans and features the tsymbl, or hammered dulcimer.  Next up is Richie Yurkovich and Polkarioty from Willard, Wisconsin.   Yurkovich is in true Frankie Yankovic tradition a proud Slovene-American who plays the Slovene-flavored "Cleveland-style" polkas, and his is also a phenomenal band with excellent showmanship.   And, if that isn't enough, you have a fusion of the styles - Eddie Korosa, Jr., from Chicago plays a very rich-sounding polka repertiore that synthesizes Slovenian and Polish flavors (Korosa's was also the polka band that John Candy led as "The Kenosha Kickers" in that first Home Alone movie back in 1989).  Then you have the traditional oomp-pa-pa sound of the upper Midwest - Karl and the Country Dutchmen, Barefoot Becky and her Ivanhoe Dutchmen from Iowa, and a host of others.  Texas is a unique area for polka bands that no one would  have expected, yet in central Texas near the hill country there lives a substantial population of people whose ancestors spoke Czech, Slovak, or German, and they also produced some great bands too - one that comes to mind that is one of my favorites is John Karderli's Seven Dutchmen Orchestra, based near New Braunfels, as well as Roy Haag's Little Fishermen of Texas from the same area.  And, these bands can be family affairs too - the Dujka Brothers from Brenham, TX, as well as the Bacas from around Fayetteville, TX, whose history goes back a hundred years.  One of the most interesting groups I came across from Texas though that deserves mention is the Shiner Hobo Band.  I first saw these guys on the "Big Joe Polka Show" sometime back around 2006, and they got my attention.  Consisting of about almost 40 musicians, most of them old Czech farts in their 60's and 70's led by a "conductor" with a toilet plunger for a baton, they are both talented and also amusing to watch - watching them was like watching a polka festival collide with the Philadelphia Mummer's Parade.  

The Shiner Hobos, circa 1957

The Shiners, like many long-established Texas polka bands among the Czech-speaking community, have a history that dates back over a century.  They are an institution in themselves and are worth checking out at www.shinerhoboband.com when you get the opportunity.

Also worth mentioning is of course the Polish contribution.  Polka is after all a Polish word, and my in-laws who are Polish would probably skin me alive if I didn't discuss some of that here.   There are two types of American Polish polka - one originated on the East Coast in New England and New York and is essentially polka big band music, and the other is called "Chicago Push" and originated with Polish communities in the Midwest, particularly Milwaukee and Chicago.  Of the two, I prefer the East Coast version, which has as its luminaries people such as 19 Grammy-holding Jimmy Sturr of Florida, NY, as well as now-departed legends such as Rich Bobinski, Larry Chesky, and Walt Solek.  In addition to standard big band instrumentation, East Coast Polish polka bands feature more minor-key songs (probably from close contact with the Ukrainians to the East, which we'll be talking about momentarily too) and is also noted for it's use of the piano arpeggios.  The "Chicago Push" variety, on the other hand, is more small-ensemble, adaptable, and a little more raw; to me it sounds similar to the Tejano music that the Mexicans in Texas play - its big stars include the late Eddie Blazonczyk and Lenny Gomulka.  And, speaking of Ukrainians, there is a lucrative Ukrainian polka community in mid-Canada, in particular in Saskatchewan and Manitoba, and I came across that back in 2006 as well.  One of the groups, the Ukrainian Old-Timers of Alberta, have been around for many years and do have several good recordings.  Scandinavian-Americans have also produced some good polka, although it sounds somewhat like a brassier version of the Slovenian style.  Polka is a universal music, and no one can truly listen to a polka and not feel good doing it, which is why it has also found its way into the Church as well. 

In the 1960's, Vatican II opened a lot of things up in the Catholic Church, many good and many bad.  One thing it allowed for was more of a contextualization of the Mass, and in true folk fashion, this even included the incorporation of polka music!  One of the earliest pioneers of this was Fr. Frank Perkovich (born 1928), from Eveleth in Minnesota's Iron Range, a very ethnically diverse and rich region not unlike where I grew up in Tucker County, WV (also home to the "Polka King," Frankie Yankovic!).  Fr. Perkovich, along with another priest, Fr. George Belasco in Ohio, appropriated polka tunes to the Mass by giving them theologically-compatible lyrics.  This started in the 1960's, and today it is fairly common to have a Polka Mass celebrated at festivals and ethnic events.  Some Protestants also picked up the idea, and there is as a result a Lutheran minister called "The Polka Padre" that has appropriated the Polka Mass for a Protestant setting.  It is also interesting to note here that even one of the most beloved Pentecostal gospel tunes - "Just Over In The Glory Land" - has the exact same tune as a traditional polka called "The Lappland Polka!"  How did that happen??  That is something I wanted to research, and perhaps when I do I will share that with you all as well, because it is interesting how a bunch of Appalachian Pentecostals ended up singing a polka tune with Gospel lyrics at their revivals and campmeetings!  

Fr. Frank Perkovich, the man who brought polka to church!

Well, it looks like you all got an education in polka music tonight, something I didn't plan on.  However, I must end class for tonight and will definitely have more to share later.  God bless.