The Resolute Churchman

Barry Weller (1939-2015)

In 2011 we moved back to Lakeland after 13 years of living in Pinellas County, and when we did so we began to attend a former parish of ours, St. Mary Anglican Catholic Church in Winter Haven.  Although there were many familiar faces, a lot had changed also over those many years.  Among the changes was the parish's affilliation - when we attended there in the late 1990's, it was under an "Continuing Anglican" jurisdiction called the Anglican Province of Christ the King, and at that time it also had quite a number of more members.  However, due to some circumstances in the early 2000's with a rogue "priest" named Baker, membership had declined but the parish remained strong throughout.  At around the same time, in Orlando there was an ACC parish, St. Matthew's, and a few years later it also closed.  Several of its people found their way to Winter Haven, and among them were Barry and Karen Weller.

Barry was a Godsend to St. Mary's in that he brought it back into the ACC (which it was part of many years previous) and he also was able to bring several of St. Matthew's parishioners with him, even the vicar, Fr. Guy DiMartino (who is still essentially our Cure of Souls even today).  Also, he brought a breath of fresh air that the parish definitely needed after the carnage wrecked by a former vicar, and in time St. Mary's recovered and became a small but vibrant parish.  Barry, who served on the Vestry, also provided good lay leadership as well.  

Barry was a native of New Jersey, and after many years of working as a professional salesman, he retired initially to the Orlando area with his dear wife Karen.   He actively became involved in the local parish (St. Matthew's) and in December of 2000 he was licensed as a Lay Minister, which he faithfully served for many years both at St. Matthew's and later at St. Mary's.  After suffering a cardiac episode in 2005, Barry also felt led to begin a nursing home outreach at the Brandywine Convalescent Center in Winter Haven, a ministry he faithfully did up until early 2014.    That essentially gives a little history of Barry's life in a nutshell.

I first met Barry and Karen in September 2011, the Sunday after we moved back to Lakeland, and over the years Barb and I became very close with him and Karen.   Barry eventually was instrumental for my own licensing as a Lay Minister in January 2012, and I wanted to reflect on that a little too, as it gives some insight into how Barry was. 

Barry was what I would describe as a Churchman par excellance.  He loved his Church, and he served her faithfully.  He was also a committed traditionalist, and demanded perfection in liturgical matters not only of himself but of his fellow layreaders as well.  As a matter of fact, he could be a little intimidating at first impression, and at one point early in my service at St. Mary's my thoughts of him were "Lordy, this guy is strict!"  But, far from being a bad quality, that "strictness" showed how seriously Barry took liturgical protocol and how he loved and served the Church to the best of his ability, and he expected the same of others too.   If I were to describe him now, I would call him the "R Lee Ermey of Lay Ministers!"   However, despite the perfectionist exterior, Barry was actually a man with a big heart and a great love of life - he had a great sense of humor, was always smiling, and he would help a fellow parishioner in need without question or batting an eye.   I also used to be amused by him at the altar when he served, for as the Offeratory was playing he would often grin and sway along with it too.  And, he loved watching Duck Dynasty I recall too - being we were both fans of the show, we would often catch each other up on what was happening if one of us missed an episode for any reason.  

When we first started attending St. Mary's again after moving back to Lakeland, Barry was as "fit as a fiddle" and had a pretty active life at the retirement community where he and Karen lived.  As a side business, he sold Avon, and that gave him a lot of exercise and kept him agile.  However, something happened in early 2014 that would change that almost overnight.  One Sunday, Barry was not able to be at Mass due to what we all thought (including Barry himself) was a flu bug or something.  However, it soon became apparent that something more serious was going on, as his health began to rapidly decline.  Later, he was found to have some kidney trouble, and had to undergo dialysis treatments.  And, to complicate things further, he also was diagnosed with a liver disorder.  In recent months, on the rare occasions when Karen was able to get him to Mass, he didn't even look like himself - he still had the smile, had a strong faith, but the life that was once in him was fading fast.  Nonetheless, Barry was a fighter, and he had the gumption to fight for a long time for his health.  However, on October 24, 2015, his time came, and Barry passed onto his eternal reward.  His passing was not a shock, as we had anticipated it, but at the same time it was a tremendous loss to so many.  This past Friday (November 13th) we had the funeral for him at the Church, and Barry is now at rest.   Through all of this, I also have to say that his wife Karen, a sweet lady anyway, was a real trooper - the strength she displayed and the dedication she had for her ailing husband is something that many should envy, as it is a rare quality as well as possibly divinely-endowed strength.   

Although Barry is now at rest and enjoying the fruits of his eternal reward, he left a great legacy for both his family and those of us who were his fellow parishioners.  Even at the diocesan level, Barry was appreciated by so many of our clergy and laity, and he deserves a place of honor in any record of the heritage of our church, be it on the local or diocesan level.  Rest eternal, Barry, and remember that many of us love you and look forward to seeing you one day on the other side of eternity.  

The West Virginia Flood of 1985

30 years ago this year, I was 15 years old, and was beginning my freshman year of high school.  It was a year of great transition for me personally, as we had moved from our house of 5 years in Kirby, WV, and at that time Mom and I were actually living briefly with my grandmother and step-grandfather in the town of Baker, WV.  At the end of October 1985, my grandparents were compelled to make another move to the town of Rowlesburg, WV, and just prior to moving there at the mid-November 1985 timeframe, something major happened.  In the early morning hours of November 5, 1985, a number of people across a wide part of the state of West Virginia were abruptly interrupted in their sleep by a raging cascade of water surging up many of the state's rivers due to effects of a tropical system in the Gulf of Mexico called Juan, and those moments would alter the lives of thousands of West Virginians from that point forward.

My great-grandmother's house in Hendricks, WV, on the right - the house in the foreground was Homer and Kay Carr's place. This was the aftermath of the Flood of 1985.

I was not directly affected by the Flood, as at the time we lived far away from the rivers and all we got was some yard and basement flooding from a pond across the road from the house.  But, it did impact me in other ways.  The picture above, for instance, shows the house I practically grew up in - it was my great-grandmother's home for many years, and in its attic were a lot of personal mementos that were destroyed in the Great Flood.  At the time of the Flood, my cousin Buzz and his wife Helen lived in that house, and they were displaced.  However, when we moved with my grandparents from Baker to Rowlesburg in November, some two weeks after the Flood took place, we saw the devastation first-hand.  Rowlesburg, quite honestly, looked like a war zone - the level of destruction from the overflowing Cheat River was so massive that it was almost infathomable to comprehend unless you were actually looking at it, and then the reality of what happened was so shocking that it caused many people to just emotionally shut down.  However, it also instilled in many residents of many communities - including Parsons and Rowlesburg - a remarkable resolve, and the people in those communities really pulled together to help each other.  

The famous "cow in bridge" photo that a photographer shot in St. George, WV, just upriver from my home town of Parsons.

The good news about many of the communities is that this resolve on the part of their residents led to steady recovery, and thankfully today - 30 years later - many communities have rebuilt and people are restored (for the most part) to their regular lives.  But, the Flood was something that will linger in the memories of all of us who witnessed it firsthand, and there are losses from it which will never be replaced, including memories and even some precious lives.  As I am writing this, it is almost hard for me to believe it has already been 30 years, as many of the memories of that time are still fresh and vivid as I think about them.   But, as Romans 8:28 says, God works together all things for good, and surprisingly out of the chaos of destruction has blossomed much good fruit.  

This was SR 72 coming into Parsons from the southeast after the Flood hit.

Near the town of Rowlesburg on the day after the Flood. 

One vivid memory of the Flood that was long-term occurred after our move to Rowlesburg.  The local high school, which was originally down close to the river, was trashed badly, and a provision was made by the Preston County Board of Education to temporarily resume classes at the Kingwood Fire Hall on the Buckwheat Festival grounds.  Due to SR 72 being pretty much washed out between Rowlesburg and Kingwood for many months, the bus ride to school was a rather lengthy one - it required going down 72 onto US 50, heading west to the small town of Fellowsville, and then proceeding north through Tunnelton to Kingwood.  In the fire hall where our classes were held, the "classrooms" consisted of walled petitions, so it was somewhat crowded and noisy at the time.   I ended up finishing out my freshman year of high school in that environment, but it also had its benefits - students tended to be closer and there was less of the high school "clique" mentality due to the fact that many of the kids were in the same boat.  Kids from middle-class, poor, and wealthy families had suffered equally, and the "flood experience" was a common bond everyone shared.   However, it was also a little depressing, as at times high school resembled a Third-world refugee camp with the close quarters, the makeshift classrooms, and other "make-do" situations.  However, everyone managed well, and commendably - despite personal losses experienced by many of the students, many of them also excelled in their schoolwork too, and that spoke volumes.  

The red-brick building in the backgruond of the Buckwheat Festival picture in Kingwood, WV, is the Kingwood Fire Department, which served as my high school during my freshman year. 

As mentioned, in time life slowly returned to normal for many communities, as rebuilding of lives and communities began almost immediately.  Many communities, such as Rowlesburg and Parsons, recovered well, but also lost something in the fray - some aspects of these communities that made them unique was lost forever, only to be preserved in the memories of those who lived there prior to the destruction.  And, the Flood also bore good fruit for me personally - it was one of the things that compelled me to make a commitment to serve Christ, a step I made on a winter night in January 1986 at the local Southern Baptist church in Rowlesburg, a church which itself was a remarkable testimony to the community of service - those Baptists really stepped up to the plate then and helped a lot of people, as did the local Roman Catholic parish in Rowlesburg at the time, St. Philomena's.  And, with the upheaval of a recent move, the after-effects of the Flood, and so many other things going on with me personally, I eventually recovered and actually ended up having a good experience in my high school years.  However, the growth it brought was somewhat unpleasant and painful for many, yet the fruit it produced was beautiful and can be seen to this day.

It is hard to say whether another catastrophe of this magnitude will ever hit that part of WV again, although when Katrina hit New Orleans in 2005, many West Virginians were both apprehensive and sympathetic to the plight of the citizens of New Orleans - they empathized with the New Orleans people in that they knew the experience, but at the same time I know many of them were apprehensive because the question at the back of their minds was "could 1985 happen again to us?"  There have been floods up there since 1985, and some have packed a punch, but none measured up to the legacy of the Great Flood of 1985.  Our prayer is that it never happens again, and that its memories, as well as the memories of many of what life was like in those communities before the Flood, live on in future generations, as so much deserves to be preserved.  

Cash Does Not Equal Class!

In watching the recent Presidential campaign of Republican front-runner and tycoon Donald Trump, one thing I have noted about him is that he is by nature a nasty and uncouth person.  Whether it is personal attacks against his opponents, or chauvinistic remarks against women, etc., "the Trump" is someone who is really unpleasant.   I don't really believe that a man like Donald Trump is the caliber of person whom we should have leading our country.   However, I have noticed in the past eight or so years that the current President, Barack Obama, is equally bereft when it comes to social skills;  the well-publicized "fist-bump" the Michelle Obama gave Queen Elizabeth II (totally breaching royal protocol!) as well as his rather cavalier attitude toward other world leaders (for instance, I treat my most vicious enemies better than Obama has treated Benjamin Netanyahu!) shows that this man, who is supposed to be representing himself as the leader of the largest free-market democracy on the planet, is lacking when it comes to even basic etiquette.  However, unfortunately our high-profile leaders, movers, and shakers represent something that is a serious problem in our nation - a lack of class and good manners.  And, it seems like the higher one moves up the social scale, the less manners one has.  What has happened?

I am thinking back to my Philosophy of the Human Person course from a couple of years ago, and want to refer to the textbook my professor, Dr. John Crosby, both wrote and used in the course entitled The Selfhood of the Human Person (Washington, DC: Catholic University of America Press, 1996).   Dr. Crosby gives four premises in his book, beginning on page 14, regarding what personhood is and how we should perceive the human person from a Judeo-Christian moral perspective, and this is what they are:

1.  Persons are ends in themselves and not mere instrumental means
2.  Persons are wholes of their own and never mere parts
3.  Persons are incommunicably their own and never mere specimens
4. The most important one - each person belongs to himself and not another (persona est sui iuris)

I note these philosophical tenets of personhood to say that good manners generate from a healthy personalist philosophical perspective, but they also stem more importantly from a Biblical (read Christian) worldview that sees man as created in God's image and not coming from a single cell that evolves into a blob of gel and then into an ape that smells - in other words, social Darwinism, and its tenet hallmark of "survival of the fittest," is a worldview in direct opposition to the dignity of the human person.   Yet, so many secularists are so focused on themselves that often the dignity of their fellow man takes a back seat to their own pursuit of wealth and status, and many of society's issues today go back to simply a matter of good manners!  Let me elaborate more.

When many of us were young, we were taught a lot of basic things called manners (at least my generation was - today I doubt if many kids are honestly!).  For instance, if someone gave you something you said "thank you," and if you asked someone to pass the salt at the dinner table, you said "please."  In public, you always addressed those who were your elders as "Mister" if they were men, and "Miss" if they were women - that is a habit I still use today when addressing matronly elderly ladies, as I will often call them "Miss Margaret" or occasionally by last name, such as "Miss Grant."  If you are taught these things as a child, they become second nature later in life too.  Another thing - when accompanying a lady, be it a wife, mother, or daughter, it was always customary to open the door of a building you were entering for them first.  And, one more - when using the facilities, it is a good practice to wash one's hands.  I want to spend a little time on this last one now, as it is a big pet-peeve in at least one context.

After working for almost 20 years in the corporate world, I notice things.  One of the most disturbing observations I have made is that it seems that the higher up the corporate ladder one is, the less etiquette and manners they possess.  On many occasions in offices when I was using the bathroom for instance and an executive or upper-level manager was present in the facilities at the same time, I noted that they do their thing and then walk out without washing their hands.   I mean, seriously - these guys are meeting clients, having business lunches and shaking hands and kissing butt constantly with filthy, germ-ridden hands!  I have now made it a personal point - maybe to my detriment! - to not offer a handshake to someone I know is upper management, because for some crazy reason I just don't feel like contracting a nasty virus because such a person is too lazy and stuck on themselves to wash up after taking a leak!   That is why, if by some fluke Trump is elected President, I almost expect to see an outbreak of influenza in Washington because I doubt if Trump washes his hands either, being most of his upper-management fan club in the corporate world don't seem to take that courtesy seriously.  That could also explain why there have been so many outbreaks of flu and cold in recent years too, who's to say?

A further thought on this entails something I came across in researching my own family tree.  Upon finding out that I am a blood descendant of nobility, I began reading up on some of my ancestors and it turns out that many of them lived by a type of chivalric code called Nobless oblige.   Nobless oblige is a French term that literally means "nobility obliges," and what it entails is one basic premise - whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly.  It is good manners taken to a whole new dimension, as it demands a sort of accountability of one's office he or she holds.  To put it in vernacular, in essence it means that with privilege comes responsibility and that duties validate rights.  Although on the outset it may seem that nobless oblige is in opposition to personalist philosophy, in reality it is actually an affirmation of the dignity of the human person in that it admonishes that a true leader of one's people serves the best interests of his people rather than asking his people to serve him.  In other words, true nobless oblige has no place for uncouth behavior against even the most "common" of persons, nor does it allow for self-serving interests at the expense of other human persons.  If more of our corporate executives and politicians lived by this, it would practically transform society overnight.  It is really tragic these days that the most humble and poor among us often have better manners and dignity than the most affluent, and although that is good in a sense, at the same time it is the affluent who have the influence, and that influence is exerted often on a younger generation that seeks to emulate the ways of the affluent in some hope that by acting so, they can also rise to that level.  However, although that could happen, it comes with a huge price in that often by attaining wealth and position, one feels the need to sacrifice basic humanity and it manifests itself in some sinister ways.  Let me now give an example from my own family.

I have a relative who is a corporate executive.  Although this relative worked hard (which is admirable) in the process they lost a lot of their basic humanity.  On one occasion, this relative for instance lost a cherished pet, and at around the same time one of their siblings was diagnosed with a debilitating illness.  In this case, the sibling is less affluent, struggles financially, and even the most minor of health problems could jeopardize the sibling's home.  While the more affluent sibling went on social media blubbering over the loss of their beloved pet, the same affluent sibling didn't even acknowledge their kin's illness - the latter could die actually, but it seems as if their own brother or sister doesn't give a rat's behind, yet will bawl and mourn a dead parakeet.  In history, only one other well-known figure displayed similar behavior.  This man was a world leader and he loved dogs - so much that he even granted them rank in his military.  This same man was also disturbed over the fact that lobsters were not cooked humanely, and issued a set of strict laws about how to properly cook a crab without it suffering so much.  Yet, this same person was responsible for millions of deaths because he viewed certain races and people with infirmities as "weak" and "useless," and he exterminated them with a cold assembly-line efficiency while laboring under the delusion that he was building an ideal society.  That leader was Adolph Hitler in case you haven't figured it out, and although the animal-rights radicals would have loved him, no one in the 20th century embodies such pure evil and demonic destruction as Hitler due to the human carnage he is responsible for.  Many politicians, academics, and corporate executives in "Fortune 500" companies have much the same mentality today, and would sell out their own mothers for a buck or a title.   Therefore, it could be concluded that manners are no longer important to such people because they have a power-addiction which prompts them to justify their actions and eliminate the need for basic manners and a sense of human dignity.  And, that is why we see so much happening in our society today, where no one even salutes the American flag during the national anthem because they have no sense of decency in many cases.

In the past generations, there used to be a news column you could read in the daily paper called "Miss Manners," and the lady who wrote those (I can't recall her name at present) taught the importance of using manners in interpersonal situations.  One of her premises for this was that good manners were not to make you feel important, but rather to make the other person feel important.  Perhaps we need to revisit some of those values today, as it certainly could not hurt us!  And, to show I am practicing my preaching, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this, and please remember to wash your hands when you use the bathroom, open the door for a lady, and salute the American flag when "The Star-Spangled Banner" is played or sung.  So long until next time!

A Statement on Social Media

There is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, and that is give a position and my personal guidelines for participating in social media outlets.  Recently, I read two Christian articles on this subject - one from a Coptic Orthodox bishop and the other from a Seventh-Day Baptist minister - and it got me thinking that maybe I need to work on something like that too.  So, this will be my attempt at creating a personal manifesto that gives my own position on utilizing social media.

Social media is a relatively new phenomenon, being less than 12 years since it really caught on.  Back around 2005 or so, I began to hear a lot about this thing called "MySpace," but personally I never got involved in it.  Up to that point, most social interaction for me was on message boards of different groups I was involved in, as I am sure it was for many.  I have personally been involved on social media for about 9 years as of this writing, having gotten my initiation into it via a site called Bebo.com, which at the time was a more cerebral alternative to MySpace (I'm curious - does MySpace even exist anymore???).  I first set up a Bebo page back around March of 2006, and for about 3 years it was my primary social media involvement until a dear friend of mine sent me this invite in late 2008 to sign up with something new called Facebook.  Facebook, the creation of a whiz-kid by the name of Mark Zuckerberg, was not quite as well-known back then, as the MySpace frenzy was still the thing, but I thought at the time, "what the heck" and joined up on it.  And, almost on a daily basis now, I visit Facebook, and have for about the past seven years.  There are many advantages to tools such as Facebook, as long as the users keep in mind that these things are just tools, and not something your life should revolve around.  Facebook, despite its attributes, can suck people into it and it can become an obsessive thing, so we need to be careful about that.  Later on, I am going to talk more about that aspect.

As mentioned, Facebook has its virtues, and one of those is the ability to reconnect with distant relatives, old school friends, and old co-workers you may have had from years past.  It is also a great place to exchange information too - if you want good recipes, old photos, genealogical material, etc., Facebook can prove to be a valuable resource.  Of the now 708 "friends" I have on Facebook as a matter of fact, approximately 40% are relatives (I have a lot of cousins on both sides of my family, and almost all of them have Facebook accounts now!), while another 20% are old college and high school classmates and co-workers, and the remaining 40% are people who I have made friends with who have common interests - music, politics, religion, etc.   So, as far as networking is concerned, it is fantastic.  Also, there is now a service called SocialBook which will actually print your Facebook content in a bound volume, something I plan on doing for posterity-sake later.  However, with these positives are also negatives, and let me briefly touch on those.

One thing about Facebook is that almost anyone can "friend" you (given your permission of course) and a lot of times weirdos try to "friend" you with ulterior motives - it is not uncommon, as a matter of fact, for pages to be "hacked" by weirdos and privacy compromised.  Another negative is the fact that everyone has opinions, and at times people don't agree on certain things and it can cause fights to erupt - this is true especially in the past 8 years or so, when so many political and social issues are out there.  I have been in more than one "cyber-war" and have experienced a lot of "defriending" from people in regard to that.  I try now personally not to get into those scuffles if possible, although at times trouble can find you even when you are not looking for it because, especially in specified "groups" or on specific "pages" promoting something, there are people who do what is called "trolling," and they thrive on instigating fights and causing problems.  "Trolling" in essence is a type of harassment in which a person called a "troll" targets a site they don't like, and they find ways to constantly comment negatively and cause trouble.  There are ways for dealing with "trolls," and we'll also get into that later.  Bottom line though is this - be selective about what you post, and don't necessarily advertise every detail of your personal life.   I want to quote something from Coptic Bishop Yusef about this, as he has some good wisdom especially in regard to minors participating on Facebook groups, etc.  Bishop Yusef says that "A parent does not give a child car keys until they are of age to and have the skills to drive.  A parent does not allow their children to take the car unless they know where they are driving to and from.  A partent does not allow the child to drive if they are unsafe, lie about where they are going or have been.  A parent does not allow a child to drive with speeding tickets or upon the discovery of its inappropriate use.  This is termed parental responsibility.  Is it any less for things such as Facebook?  Know what your adolescent or young adult are thinking and saying."  (Bishop Yusef, "Facebook: Fun or Fateful?" in The Saint Anthony Messenger, Vol 25, Issue 6, June 2015.  p. 8).   In a similar vein, Seventh-Day Baptist pastor Scot Hausrath writes "When it comes to utilizing social media, not only is wisdom key, but so is self-discipline.  One of the biggest challenges I have regarding Facebook, for example, it to realize that there is a time to access it.  For example, when I'm writing a sermon, lesson, article, etc., I need to focus my thoughts on that one project.  Checking my FB news feed at that time is more of a distraction than a blessing. It's a very tempting thing to do, because I love hearing what's going on in my friends' lives, so I need self-discipline to keep my thoughts focused on the task at hand.  Social media are amazing tools, and they have revolutionized our everyday lives.  Let's just make sure that it's a revolution of enhancement, not a revolution of distraction."  (Scott Hausrath, "Devotional - Sharing the Journey with You" in The Sabbath Recorder, vol. 237, No. 6, June 2015.  P. 13).  Both of these Christian leaders, from radically different church traditions, are telling us something about using social media - do it responsibly, and don't let it sidetrack us from what we need to be doing.  And, both of these quoted articles inspired me to talk about a few of my own guidelines I have come up with.

1.  When on Facebook, Know Your Security.  Facebook allows for security settings to monitor who sees what on your page, and in doing so, you can be selective about content.  In my case, only a handful of my closest FB "friends" can see everything I post, and no one who is not a "friend" can gain access to the content on my personal page.  There is a "Settings" bar on your FB page you can use to set up these boundaries, and it will be a valuable asset to get to know the "Settings" feature.

2. You Don't Have to See What All Your Friends Are Doing Either!  The more "friends" you get on a site like Facebook, the more you are going to see what they post, as you will see everything that all your friends do unless you take an important step.  On each of your "friends'" pages, there is an opt-out feature to where you can "Unfollow" their posts and you therefore will not see them in your newsfeeds.  If you wish to limit what you see, that is the way to do it.  I maybe actually "follow" less than 10% of my total "friends" list on Facebook personally, thanks to discovering that feature.  And, most of them will be none the wiser about it, so no harm done - you are not saying you don't want to be friends with them, but rather that you don't need to know all their activities.  Recently, one of our relatives on Facebook - this particular relative is one of those people who thinks they know everything and should control everybody, the type of person I really cannot stand personally - lambasted my wife for supposedly "overposting" on her own Facebook page.  If the relative would have taken the time to explore their own Facebook page, they could have just simply "unfollowed" my wife and not have to look at the posts on the newsfeed.  That being said, let me say this - your personal Facebook page is your page, and you can post whatever you want, however much you want, whenever you want, and that is your freedom.  I of course don't necessarily want to see it, nor do I have to, but I don't have to get nasty about it either.  A simple "Unfollow" solves the problem peacefully.  Perhaps if said relative would learn to shut up and take that into consideration, it could save that person a lot of trouble.

3.  Fights Are Unnecessary and CAN Be Avoided!  I want to spend a little time talking about social media etiquette, as some people need a lesson in it.  There are a few things to address, and we'll start with those:

a. Don't pick fights on people's personal Facebook pages!  I view my own Facebook page as an extension of my house, and when someone comes onto my page and deliberately tries to pick a fight over something they don't like that I posted, that is the same to me as disrespecting me in my own living room, and it won't be tolerated.  In "groups" and "pages" on Facebook, that is another thing, because those are public forums, but even then I feel best to try to avoid conflict if all possible, even when every fiber of my being is wanting to say something.   Therefore, when on Facebook, exercise some common courtesy please - what people post on their personal pages is their business, and if you don't like it, you have your own page to vent that dislike, so don't pick fights on someone else's turf.

b.  If someone is becoming really beligerent, you are well within your rights to "block" them.  There are some people who get a joy our of picking fights with people they disagree with, and then beating the issue to death by constantly posting negative crap, even personal attacks against the person they disagree with.  If that becomes a problem, there is a "Block" feature you can utilize to stop them from seeing your posts or responding to them.  This is especially true in groups or what are called "Public Pages," where people often can soapbox.  If you are one of those people who has the propensity to cause trouble and pick fights, rant on your own FB page and don't ruin discussions for other people in the group.  Fights are disrespectful as well to page administrators, and when you are trash-talking someone you disagree with on one of those pages, you are disrespecting your host.  In other words, you need to learn some manners and get over yourself.

c. If someone comments on your page and you feel that the comment is inappropriate or inflammatory, you reserve the right to remove it.  This goes back to "a" above - people who are trying to either bait you or even disagree with something you say, even if they are close friends, need to respect the fact that this page is yours, and if they disagree, they have their own page to voice that.  If you feel a comment is inappropriate, you can and do have a right to remove it at your discretion.  Your personal Facebook page is like your "house," and you have the perogative to set your own "house rules" which people visiting your page have to respect.  If they don't they should be deleted.


These are just a few basic rules I have for my own Facebook participation, and if you do likewise, you will have a more pleasant social media experience.  The same could also apply to other social media outlets, such as this Twitter thing (which I still don't understand!).  On a professional site such as LinkedIn, it is even more important to maintain strict standards, because potential employers and other business people utilize LinkedIn and get a first impression from your profile on there.  Another thing I want to mention in relation to all this too is a simple one - when posting on Facebook, be careful how much personal information you divulge.  For instance, if you have 6 bowel movements a day, you do not have an obligation to describe each in vivid detail as some do, and your "friends" don't really want to see that stuff either.  However, there is nothing one can do about what one posts on one's personal page, because again that is their domain, and they can write or post what they want.  However, if you don't want to see that stuff on someone else's page, you can "unfollow" either the friend or the post, depending on which is more practical, so that is up to your discretion.

I hope this will help with your own Facebook experience to make it more pleasant, and as you have different experiences unique to your own situation, you may even have other (and maybe better!) standards than these, and make sure you are clear about those to any of your social media "friends" and followers.  Take care until our next visit!

Leadership Lessons

I have been looking over a number of entries in my personal journal over the past few weeks, and there are some things to talk about that I feel would enrich people who read them.  A lot of it is based on my own history, and the life lessons I have learned, as I feel they are important to maintaining stable leadership traits.   If more politicians learned this stuff, as well as corporate execs (see an upcoming blog on that one!) I think the world would be a better place and self-serving people would not be tickling ears to get elected to public office only to sit with their thumbs up their bum while collecting over-inflated salaries at the taxpayers's expense.  So, as I recollect the information I wrote a couple of months ago, I will attempt to share it here.

One trait I have had since I was a kid was collecting things and pursuing such a collection to its fullest extent.  I remember, for instance, at around the time I was 7 years old, and I began to get these little toy prizes out of vending machines - they still have those around today, a small trinket that comes encased in a little plastic egg that pops out when you stick a coin in and turn the lever.  I kept all that stuff in an old lunchbox I had in first grade that I no longer used, and ended up collecting quite a stash of those things.  In those days, you could get all sorts of neat stuff out of those machines - little cap pistols, miniature lighters, tiny spy cameras, etc. - as well as just plain crap such as plastic rings and Scooby Doo magnets.  I collected it all for some weird reason.  In time, that penchant began to fade as Mom got me for Christmas one year a cowboys-and-Indians plastic fort panorama set, along with a WWII naval battle toy panorama too - then I got into that, and practically built a small civilization out of it in a very short time.  Much earlier than that - around 6 or so - I was into a Noah's Ark play set, and had a HUGE paper grocery bag filled with plastic animals that at one point I could line up, two-by-two, around my great-grandmother's house in Hendricks, WV.  In time, the Noah's Ark playsets, the cowboy and Indian figurines, and the stash of vending-machine trinkets became passing fancies, and I began to pursue more sophisticated interests as I began to transition from childhood into my teens, and one of those interests was the large music collection I still have today.  The reason I mention these childhood collection vignettes is because one trait I have always had is pursuing an interest I have as comprehensively as possible - I want a collection to be as complete as it can be, and I want to learn everything I can about it.  This has been a great aid in my graduate studies too, as I have utilized that same trait in researching class papers and projects.  That however leads to another trait that is related to that I want to now share.

As a kid, I was a history buff - I would sit and read something to do with world history for hours, and it was not uncommon for me to go out the next day and try to re-enact what I was reading about in my childhood play and exploration.  I even at one time wanted to form a political movement of my own at a young age that would serve as a vehicle for bringing together a group of my closest friends into a common unit - as a child we moved around a lot, and I had few close friends then, but the ones I had were scattered up and down the Eastern Seaboard of the US back then.  In Georgia for instance, there was Sim Taylor, who was my best buddy when I stayed with my dad in Brunswick during the second half of my third-grade year.  In my second-grade school year, I made two close friends in my class in Augusta, WV, their names being Joe Waybright and Chuck Butler.  Unfortunately, at around the time we were in 5th grade, Joe and his whole family were killed in a fatal gas leak in their trailer, and to this day I still feel that was a tragic loss, as Joe had two siblings, a younger sister named Tina and an older brother named Richard, and all of them had their lives tragically cut short.  However, I digress, as I want to tell you what I learned at a very young age by dabbling in reading history and trying to understand politics - the ability to unite diverse elements behind a common cause is an important factor in effective leadership, and a good leader must be able to know himself (or herself) well enough to utilize aspects of his (or her) own distinctive identity which relate to others he or she knows.  If a leader can successfully accomplish that, then said leader will prove more effective in the execution of his leadership role and its component tasks.  Subconsciously, I have lived by those precepts most of my life, although I have never really known how to articulate them in such a way as to present them to others.  But, that being said, here are a few lessons in leadership I have learned and want to now share with you:

1.  Know yourself, and as much about your own past as possible.  Do not dismiss or ignore even the most insignificant details, because in some cases when an apparently insignificant detail is recalled, it may be the key to unlocking a personal mystery about yourself.

2.  As you study your own past and reflect on it, remember that the things that have captured your interest over the years may reveal some valuable information about who you are.

3.  As you go through life, note those people who have become your closest friends, and learn why they are your friends.  For one thing, God has put these people in your life for a reason.  Secondly, what are common elements that some of your diversity of friends share that led you to the friendships in the first place?  These can be valuable later in life as you begin to form personal networks.

4.  Diverse elements can have common goals.  The question to ask here is this - of your interests and friends over the years, what common convictions or goals do you identify in the people and interests you know and have respectively?  If you plan on being more organizational in leadership, being aware of these things will aid in establishing effective leadership quality.

Of course, for all their brevity, no doubt these four things can be elaborated further if time permitted, and I could even come up with more of them if I really meditated on it some more.  However, as I have a major weakness I have self-identified of having so much going on in  my head that I need to clarify my thoughts so as to aid in organization and articulation, it will take some work.  Organization of thought and being able to communicate it effectively is definitely something I need to work more on personally too, as I have valuable insight on some things but I need to somehow channel it in such as way as to grab the attention of others.  In written communication, I have progressed somewhat well, but verbally I still have work to do, as I am not as gifted at public speaking as I am at writing.  That is why I want to encourage any of you reading this who have similar issues to add a fifth lesson to all this - keep a regular journal!  A regular, consistent journal is a valuable tool for organizing thoughts, and I will tell you something about that.  At this time, I have regularly kept a written journal for about 19 years, and its contents fill up probably 30 books at this point.  If you think that keeping a journal is a one-book deal, forget that - as a tip, it is not necessary to write down everything every day, and you can even keep it once a week if it suits your needs better, but the important component to this is consistency.  Keep a regular writing schedule, and try not to lapse longer than one month writing.  Also, as ideas hit you, keep that book with you at all times and write them down while they are still fresh, because they can be lost forever otherwise.  I would also encourage writing down your dreams - if you have a particularly significant dream the previous night that you just can't get out of your head, write it down immediately.  Dreams reveal a lot about us, but they can also convey a message at times.  I have learned over the years to take dream symbolism seriously, because even God can speak through your dreams to give you direction, encouragement, or warning - I did a teaching on that last year on my Sacramental Present Truths blog you should take a look at to learn more about that.  Likewise, you should also.  In addition to a journal, I would also strongly recommend keeping a daily planner of some sort to record your day-to-day activities - for instance, did you get something significant in the mail, or did you start a new job, leave an old one, or have some significant event?   If so, write it down on the calendar in your daily planner.  A daily planner can also be any means from a formal pocket planner to a simple wall calendar you can often pick up for free at your bank, so there is no specific criteria for one of those.   I have kept daily planners since I was about 16 years old, and I can look back over 30 years and pretty much pinpoint even the most mundane of details in my life.  This will also prove very valuable one day as your kids, grandkids, or a niece or nephew are going to come and inevitably ask, "where did we come from?" or "what is our story?"  By pulling out those planners, journals, and other records, you can have the complete story for them.  Which now leads to something else.

A huge box of planners, journals, and old photos and vital documents can be a bit cumbersome to wade through, so I would suggest somehow using those resources as a starting place for writing down your own story in a detailed fashion.  I have been actually working on that project myself for close to ten years now, and I keep finding things to add to it as I also talk to people and accumulate missing information to fill in gaps in my own records.  This is your legacy which you are preserving for someone to maybe be inspired by in the future, and although you may not think of your life as being a success or significant, someone reading your story one day will see its value and you could impact lives with it.  Inspiration is also another key factor of good leadership, and some of the best leaders today still speak to and guide people despite their own passing from this world, and why?   Because they kept records like this, wrote things down, and maybe someone thought these things to be significant and had the means to organize and package them so they could be shared with a much bigger audience - consider, for example, the martyred theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  If it wasn't for someone organizing a bunch of his handwritten notes that were smuggled out of a Nazi jail where he was being held, many people would not have learned the inspirational truth he communicated in what is known today as his classic text Ethics.  It may not be your responsibility to organize what you say, in other words, but rather to just get those thoughts on paper to share.  So, don't worry even if your hieroglyphic-like scratching is seemingly illegible; your job is not to make it look pretty but rather to express it.  Someone else can decipher it and figure it out in the future if you don't get around to it, and I am sure with the rapid advances in technology that there awaits in the wings some sophisticated gadget which can decipher bad penmanship - let us hope so, because my own writing is bad too!

I hope these little life lessons from my own "story" will be useful to you, and although the corporate world and sometimes the wider society rejects you, it doesn't mean that you don't have something important to say.  So, be faithful to exercise these principles, and it will lead to a type of leadership skill that may not get you Trump's fortune or Putin's power, but it will impact someone in the years to come.  Hope to visit with you again soon.

Cultural Ties in the Arts

I apologize for not writing as much this year, as my Sunday School lessons and grad school studies have taken up a lot of my time.  However, a few weeks back I was reflecting on something in my journal that I needed to share, and it is going to give a different perspective on something that is part of my own cultural roots.

Anyone who knows me will know that my music library plays a big part in my personal tastes and interests, and the reason is that I have of course been collecting vintage big band recordings since I was about 11 years old.  This stuff is my music, and it is a big part of my identity as a person now.  However, long before I was interested in big band music, many in my own family listened to another genre of music that I never carried too much interest in myself, but its pervasive influence on the rural West Virginia culture I grew up in cannot be dismissed either, and whether I like it or not, some aspects of it define me as well.  What I am talking about is country music - not necessarily the Garth Brooks/Blake Shelton stuff of today (uggh! Classic country people call that crap "rock music with a twang.") but rather recordings from what was known as the "Golden Age of Country," a period lasting roughly from the early 1950's to around 1975. If any of you get satellite reception, on the RFD-TV channel there is a program called Larry's Country Diner which showcases that sort of country music prominently, as its host, Larry Black, is a virtual encyclopedia of the stuff - Larry did a similar project to Gaither's "Homecoming" videos featuring a lot of these classic country stars he calls "Country's Family Reunion," and although many of the people he featured on those programs are now gone on to their eternal reward, Larry Black's efforts will preserve some historical footage for people who are into the classic country genre and its legacy.  So, why am I talking about this?   Mainly, it is because it was ironically some of the first music I was exposed to at a young age, and I learned a lot about it although I never really cared to listen to it much.  And, that is what I want to talk about here.

My later childhood years were a time of extreme poverty growing up in a little town called Kirby, WV, and oftentimes poverty didn't offer a lot of options for recreation or entertainment, and therefore we had to "make do" with simple ways of entertaining ourselves.  During those years, my mother tended to drink a lot, and often she'd sit around the house for hours lounging in her sock feet drinking beer while listening to records by people such as Ray Price, Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins, Sonny James, and others of that brand of traditional country music.  On occasion, these people did produce some good songs - "The Three Bells" by an early country trio called the Browns was actually a very nice tune with a good message about what changes life brings for instance, and for a very short time when I was about 11 I actually got into Johnny Cash's San Quentin album (Lord knows why, but I did!).  Despite the occasional good song though, much of the stuff Mom listened to was downright depressing, which may explain why she drank more then!  One song in particular which to this day I still despise was an Eddy Arnold tune called "Make the World Go Away," and ughhh - just thinking about that awful song with its bad tune and quasi-suicidal lyrics gives me nausea even today!  A lot of  Mom's records made me feel like that actually, because they were just, well, not that tasteful to me.  That being said, I want to also go on record and say that not all country music is bad, and there's nothing wrong with you liking or listening to it if you happen to - it just doesn't do a whole lot for me.  Also, over the years I have myself fancied a few country recordings, which I will talk about now a little.

My stepgrandfather Lonnie Lipscomb was probably more of a serious collector of traditional classic country records, and unlike Mom, he had a little more finesse with his particular collection.  One song that I remember he liked was an old 1941 Ernest Tubb tune called "Walkin' The Floor Over You."  That song was actually quite good, and to be honest I have felt for years it would make a great big band arrangement.  Another, from around 1968 or so if memory serves me right, was Lynn Anderson's "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden," which to be honest was an uncharacteristic sophisticated arrangement for a country song (Of course, Lynn Anderson started her career as a regular on Lawrence Welk's show, so that may have had something to do with it).  Like "Walkin' The Floor Over You," "Rose Garden" could play well as a big band chart too, and it has been done.  And, although the one Eddy Arnold song was a sucky one, he actually had a really good vintage recording (from 1942 I believe) of a song entitled "I'm Sending You a Big Bouquet of Roses."  Another surprising addition to this list is the legendary Hank Williams Sr., who was actually a gifted songwriter - many of his songs did end up on big band records!  It also helps that ol' Hank was from the same town as my paternal grandfather - Greenville, AL.  These are a few good examples, but there is more.

Western Swing goes without saying honestly - Western Swing is big band, and it is one of my favorite styles of music.  Also, there was the late Tennessee Ernie Ford - I mean, seriously, who doesn't love his 1950 recording of "Sixteen Tons!"  Plus, in later years, Ford produced some very beautiful albums of religious music.   Then there are the classic country comedians - I practically grew up with Homer and Jethro, and still enjoy listening to them today.  These are just a few limited examples I wanted to note.

Bottom line is this - I am actually not anti-country music as well, but I am also not what you'd call a fan of it either, although I can appreciate good talent and musicianship where I see it, and some country artists have shined brightly over the years.  One thing I also wanted to note too that is of interest is this - does anyone reading this often feel that some country artists are better actors than they are singers?  I know I feel that way.  Take for instance Reba McIntyre - I cannot really listen to her records in good conscience personally, but I love her sit-com Reba, as it is one of the best shows on TV in my opinion and I think now I have watched every episode of it at least 3 times over the years.  Then there is Dolly Parton - Dolly is cute, and she is the type of person you'd love to have for a neighbor or a church member, and she has yet to have a bad movie she has starred in.  But, as far as listening to Dolly's records, that is a big fat NO!  Not only country legends in movies, but movies about country music legends tend to get my interest.  Two of the best movies in the past several decades that I have seen are Coal Miner's Daughter (about Loretta Lynn) and Walk the Line (about Johnny Cash).   I don't listen to any of these people's music, but something about those movies strikes a chord with me for some reason - perhaps in the case of Loretta Lynn's story, it relates to me as I had a similar childhood, and in the case of Johnny Cash, there is little I have in common with the character he portrayed, but his life was a fascinating story.  So, the question is then why I like movies about country legends but not recordings by them?  Time to explain that.

Despite the paradox this presents, it is actually totally logical for me - although I don't listen to country music, I know the culture it represents because that culture is the same one I was born and raised in myself.  My situation is similar to a Black person who may not like jazz but can appreciate Duke Ellington - it reflects the culture of that person.  Like it or "lump" it, one cannot necessarily choose or change one's culture (although some self-hating people have tried), but one can honestly appreciate it and in doing so it enriches one's own perspective of his or her roots.  That being said, I still don't particularly like the majority of country music out there today - I will take Ernie Heckscher over Ernest Tubb, and Glenn Miller over Glen Campbell, anyday.   But, at the same time, I understand and identify with the culture that shaped it, because a lot of the same culture shaped me as well.  Therefore, I will defend any of my family's right to listen to it, and I will not ever belittle it as mere "hick music" just because it is not my taste.  Even my mother's listening to depressingly bad representations of that music is at least honestly embracing the culture it represents, and on that level I can appreciate that.  I hope this discourse didn't bore you, and I hope you will be back to pay a visit again soon.  Good night and God bless each of my readers.

Reflections on the Baltimore Riots

The craziness of the past couple of weeks with events in Baltimore has made me think about some things from my own past.  The riots there are shameful, and the corrupt government of that city shames its true legacy - my own family's history and my personal story are tied into that true legacy.   I am not going to address the riots so much as I am going to relate my own memories and experiences of spending a portion of my childhood in Baltimore, so I hope that as you read this you can appreciate this perspective.

Baltimore has always been a sort of an opportunity for many West Virginia families, due to its close proximity to the state and the economic benefits working in a higher-paying city job offered many mountain folks who were dirt-poor and had few other options.   Baltimore, from about the 1940's onward, was for West Virginians much like Columbus and Cincinatti were for people from Kentucky, and a great exodus of West Virginians flowed into the city and established many small neighborhoods, in particular the western edge of the city near Wilkins and Frederick Avenues.  My family was one of those, and at one point between 1965 and 1975 we had our own "hillbilly ghetto" there.  The West Virginians who settled in Baltimore were generally industrious people who sought to prove themselves and make a decent life for their families, and many actually did quite well - some even made enough of a living to comfortably retire, as did many of my aunts and uncles - back in their hometowns in West Virginia.  It presents a different picture of the rioters we've seen there in the past couple of weeks, who expect entitlements and the government to allow them to run amok over the city, targeting innocent businesses and wreaking havoc on the city's economy (Baltimore, you should learn from Detroit on that, seriously!).  That being said, yes, I think a lot of the looters and rioters causing the problems are deadbeats looking for an excuse to cause trouble, because they simply don't want to better themselves, and that is their own fault - they have no one to blame except a corrupt government and their own lack of motivation for their issues.

What a difference these destructive hoodlums are compared to our mountain folks who at one time populated many of the same neighborhoods where the riots took place!  Many of the mountain folks were as poor as, if not more so, as the rioters causing trouble.  Yet, the difference is that the mountain folks had the gumption to utilize their circumstance and make it work for them, and as a result many of them succeeded - they may not have produced a lot of doctors or lawyers, but they did produce good families and stable households.  I am proud of many in my own family - in particular my Uncles Teak and Joe Turner, my aunt and uncle Angie and Chod McDaniel, and many of my cousins who even today still live in the city - for what they were able to accomplish back in those days, and they are what the true legacy of Baltimore is.  I also have many fond memories from my childhood days there myself - going to kindergarten at Steuart Hill School on Gilmor Street, eating delicious Chesapeake oysters at Bay Island Seafood on Pratt Street as well as those donut-sized onion rings at Kibby's on Wilkins, hanging out with my cousins in my Uncle Ken's basement on Frederick Avenue, and my mom's job at Caton Manor Nursing Home.   Also, going downtown as a little tyke with my Aunt Angie and having some good fried chicken off a food truck (yes, those were around in the mid-1970's!) and washing it down with an orange soda from the Jewish grocer who had the what-not store down on Pratt.  Those were some great times.  Some of those things - such as Bay Island - are still there, while others have gone away with time.  And, now, new people - many of them not quite as respectful as the mountain people who once lived there - have come into the neighborhoods many of our family and friends lived in, and they have let the place go to hell and a virtual slum has been created where vibrant and clean neighborhoods used to be.  At one point, I remember on a Google street search recently even seeing someone taking a leak on a stop sign - with people like that, who neglect and destroy once-vibrant neighborhoods, it is little wonder that those riots happened.  I also remember the row houses - they had a charm of their own, and were actually nice to live in.  Today, almost 40 years later, many of those nice old houses have become havens for crackheads, rats, and roaches, as they are in disrepair and decay.  It is truly tragic to see a part of my own past deteriorate like that, and these riots incited it more.  Shameful!

Well, I have ranted enough on that, but at some point I think I may do a reflective article on my youth in Baltimore years ago, just to show people how nice it used to be.  The state of Baltimore, unfortunately, may be the fate of the US if we don't watch ourselves - we are allowing too many special interests, funded by big corporations and advanced by corrupt career politicians,  to destroy the American infrastructure (Ferguson, anyone??).  With cops being too scared to actually do their jobs, the "mob mentality" is running rampant, and it is frightening.  That is why many of us who hold to a more traditional values system need to take back what rightfully is our legacy, and not let a bunch of radicals and destructive troublemakers steal it from us.  Have a good day, folks, and just remember that as long as some of us still possess the conviction, a restoration is possible!  Let's hope it can happen before it's too late.