Noblesse Oblige - Meeting Life's Expectations in a Qualifying yet Realistic Way

Some years ago, while doing some genealogy research, I came across a term that got my interest and wanted to find out more about it.   My ancestors, as I have noted before elsewhere, were of French Huguenot heritage on my father's side, but there is more to the story than just that - those same Huguenot ancestors have a heritage that spans back well over one thousand years, and gives me direct descendance from the bloodlines of many lines of European nobility.  In looking at it, a lot of things over the years began to make sense to me.  What I found out was that somehow the concept of what is called Noblesse Oblige was hardwired into my very fabric of being, and to be honest it is not something I view as a bad thing either.  Today I want to deal with that topic specifically, and also how this code that I had adhered to for many years of my life yet didn't have a term for has shaped me in so many ways.

If you look up the term Noblesse Oblige in a dictionary, it can be literally translated as "nobility obligates."  What exactly does that mean??  Essentially, it just means that something compels one to act according to their station in life - nobility is supposed to reflect honor, in this case, so the person who bears it is to act honorably.  It is a concept rooted in the ancient codes of chivalry, and to be honest it does make one more responsible for their own actions when one realizes that they represent something and therefore should represent it in the best light.  In Christian praxis, this means that if one says they are Christian, one must act, believe, and profess honestly the Christianity they claim to embrace, something that our Evangelical friends (to their credit) do take seriously, in principle if not in practice.  However, as I understand it as well, one who has Noblesse Oblige as part of their personal code must also display a grace to others - the privilege of one's heritage must be balanced, to use the dictionary explanation (in this case, Wikipedia),  by duty towards those who lack such privilege or cannot perform such duty.  In other words, in strictest terms Noblesse Oblige is rooted in a Judeo-Christian concept of dignity of personhood, and it means that a person who possesses such privilege or adheres to such a code must understand the following things:

1.  As a potential leader, it means setting a good example of behavior for others.
2.  The avoidance of pretension and conceit - you don't lord your station over others.
3.  Minimal standards of decency are to be exceeded, and excellence in morality is a goal of the person who has Noblesse Oblige as a code.
4.  The leader takes responsibility for wrong actions and mistakes, and for the greater good of his or her society they take the blame when something goes wrong as a result of them.
5.  Exemplary leadership implies being a servant rather than a master in many cases.

For many critics of this mindset, the biggest contention they have is that fulfilling a duty in appearance seems to justify privilege of the one possessing it, and it often gets misinterpreted by some as what is called jural correlative - if someone has a right, someone else owes a duty to them as a result.  I have found, though, that the critics are often the ones who carry this to extreme rather than those who adhere to Noblesse Oblige - we have seen that in recent years when whiney, immature "progressives" have, under the guise of such things as "political correctness," tried to justify stifling freedom of thought and speech by silencing those who disagree with them in violent ways, such as the nonsense we saw at Berkeley recently as well as that whole "Black Lives Matter" scam.  This, for me then, would make the critics inconsistent, as socialism and "progressivism" often seek to subjugate the convictions of the individual by making them conform with the accepted "groupthink" they themselves are propagating.  Noblesse Oblige, in its truest sense, would oppose such behavior - rather, it affirms that the dignity of personhood is paramount, and with that dignity of personhood comes responsibility to act as a civilized human being, no matter what one's station in life is.  Nobility, in that case, is not confined to just aristocratic titles, but rather extends to those who act nobly.  Often, the poorest among us have a better concept of Noblesse Oblige than do the elites, and in my own case, I have the aristocratic blood but have spent much of my own life on the "wrong side of the tracks," and this for me has created a synthesis of Noblesse Oblige with another code - the Appalachian Code.

Being raised in West Virginia in a poor household with a single alcoholic mother, you learn quickly about self-sufficiency, and as a result one develops a set of standards to help one not merely survive their circumstance, but to rise above it.  I had to do that on so many levels, and although often not appreciated or taken seriously in many cases, I have accomplished much.  That is because in addition to that ingrained Noblesse Oblige mentality I have, I have also learned to live by a few other standards shaped by my upbringing.  Here are a few of those:

1.  An adverse situation can be made better by exercising ingenuity, and it is the responsibility of one to be ingenious (this is called, in Appalachian vernacular, "Making Do").
2.  If someone does something for someone else, there is an unspoken obligation of the one receiving the favor to reciprocate in some way.
3.  If one promises something, it must be honored - time factors don't matter, but fulfilling the promise does.
4.  Consistency in behavior is essential - if one is striving to project something, one must be consistent and not contradict or neglect the process of achieving that behavioral goal.
5.  One must, regardless of station in life, always look out for the less-fortunate - doggedly stand up for them, help them as able to do so, and always remember one can become less-fortunate themselves.
6.  Learn to be multipotential - know a little about as much as one can, and it can be an asset later on.
7.  Never forget where one comes from - although stations in life change, we all have roots, and we have to accept and understand both positives and negatives.

I would add one other to this based on personal experience - although one may not always live up to these standards, it is important to try, and also to admit where one falls short and move forward.  The downside to any codes like these is that often times we raise the bars on ourselves so high that we fail ourselves more than we do others, who can be more understanding.  I have done that many times in my life, and it can be a difficult thing to deal with.   However, in time as I was reassured that it is OK, I was able to recollect myself and try again, and having a little more insight helped me to be more realistic about my own limitations and I was able to accomplish my goal better.  Also, patience plays into these issues as well, something else I have struggled with over the years.  I am one of those people who, when I get something in my mind, I want to make the big picture manifest itself immediately.   However, there are other factors involved which may limit the vision to being more like a puzzle - you receive a piece here, a piece there, and your job is to make the pieces fit together and that can take a process of time too.  It is the struggle of potentiality (what the ideal is to be) vs. actuality (what the situation is) which can be hard.   You know that you have this inner desire to be there, but limitations in resources and appreciation of others are binding you here, and that can be frustrating.  This is where two things help out - the Noblesse Oblige principle of setting good example plus the Appalachian ideal of using what you have and the intelligence God endowed you with to "make do" and find the solution to the problem.  Proactivity is paramount, and it becomes the bridge that connects the pieces of the puzzle.   As mentioned, we are often our own worst critic, and our own expectations can be unrealistically high, so we have to sometimes step back, lower the bar somewhat, and move onto Plan B.  This realism sort of tempers the more lofty aspects of Noblesse Oblige and it makes them more attainable by redirecting our focus on what resources we do have to work them as well as how to use them to the most efficient advantage.  And, that is the hard part - we must contend with impatience, opposition from others, and disadvantage when material resources are not adequate to carry out the goal we need to achieve.  Cultivating this patience doesn't in any way contradict Noblesse Oblige, but rather makes it more doable in that we now can realistically meet reasonable expectations and can minimize frustration and disappointment of ourselves and others.  It was the Appalachian influence that helped me do this in many cases.

So, how did I achieve that, you probably ask?  I point to one thing - imagination.  Imagination is often dismissed as being unrealistic and an exercise in futility, but it must instead be seen as a gift we are endowed with to motivate us.  When I was a kid, I read a lot, and I also fantasized about many things too - I wanted to set up my own kingdom, and had it in mind to carve up the eastern part of Brazil as my own little empire (yes, I thought like that between the ages of 9 and 11!).  As I formulated those plans, I would incorporate things I had read, and in my mind I could see it happening.  Of course, it never did - I am not wearing a crown today, and actually live very modestly on a personal domain that consists of the household my wife and I built together.  However, reading that stuff did help me in other ways - it often made a rough childhood go smoother, and an active imagination encouraged me to explore and seek out things, whether that entailed tramping around in the woods that covered the surrounding hills of our house in Kirby, WV, back then or voraciously reading that whole set of World Book Encyclopedias as well as a gourmet cookbook, a set of story books, and even stuff my mother had about the Jonestown murders, the Charles Manson issue, and other weird material I was reading at that age.  Much of that knowledge would serve me well later actually, which is why I am now finishing up a Masters degree in about 6 months.

The natural bi-product of seeking out knowledge and digesting it is also the ability to regurgitate it into the form I can express and make practical use of it, and that is why early on I got into writing down personal thoughts, as well as engaging in a practice called "self-directed speech."  In case you don't know what the latter is, essentially it means I talk to myself (see a previous article).  A behavior that "normal" society condemns often as being the manifestation of insanity is in reality the expression of creativity - "talking out" your ideas, thoughts, etc., often aids in problem-solving and also eventual implementation of ideas.  When you are not taken seriously by anyone around you a lot of times, this becomes a necessary discourse for self-expression.  That is why today I value time to myself, and I often get short-tempered and impatient with people - like my meddling mother, who can be a pain in the butt! - who get in my way.  This is why personal journals (soon I want to cover that as a subject in itself here) and self-directed speech are to be encouraged.  If you are a parent and you have a child that does this, don't punish them or make light of them, as they may be developing their own future success in life.

I just went down a short rabbit-trail to connect self-expression and self-expectation as they relate to personal codes of chivalry and ethics.  Knowing one's self is the key to meeting realistic expectations of our own standards, and it may provide valuable insight into how to practically carry out those objectives without over-extending ourselves or facing disappointment.  The "entitlement crowd" of "politically-correct," socially-irresponsible Millennials (and the loony Boomers and Xers of previous generations who empower them) whining about "safe spaces" and the "privilege" of others has created a lot of unnecessary and loud static which inhibits and even prohibits true creative self-expression and behavioral growth.  This post-modern iconoclasm has in essence sought to suppress individuality while claiming to embrace it, and it has generated an atmosphere of irresponsibility, laziness, and intolerance for others who have unique perspective, and that is the failure of these movements like "Occupy Wall Street," "Black Lives Matter," and the whole culture of "political correctness."   The "safe spaces" of its proponents are in reality some of the most oppressive of suppressive acts, and it also promotes selfishness and depersonalization of others.  That is why I continue to embrace what many "progressives" would call an antiquated, archaic chivalric code, because at least with standards I can respect the "progressive" better than they can respect me.  I also have the clarity of knowing when to either shut up or to tune out the din and clutter of post-modern society in order to refocus myself when the need arises, and that gives me a perspective that many of this generation lack because now they somehow mistakenly think it is a "good" thing to deprive themselves of that.  It is imperative that we as a society get a priority of establishing boundaries and standards back, but at this point it may even be necessary to let the society implode upon itself, as many of its participants are beyond reason and may need to learn a hard lesson on their own.  If that is the case, and if America's fate is self-implosion into its own shortcomings, then those of us who are not part of that melee need to separate ourselves from it, stand back, and let things take their course, as there may be no other way.   At the same time, we need to insure we have the liberty to lead our lives, be allowed to hold our convictions, and exercise our own self-expression without anarchic mobs of immature "radicals" trying to exterminate us for doing so.  This may in time mean that many of us may have to disconnect from the surrounding society, and maybe find our own true "safe space" to re-establish order, decency, and standards of self-conduct becoming to who we are.   However, I am starting to venture into the political realm, and that is a discussion for another time.

It is time to conclude this discourse by summarizing what we need to take from it.  First, standards are important, and by all means preserve them.  However, we should know our limitations too - the true essence of Noblesse Oblige is responsible action based on realistic expectations to fulfill the obligation of acting appropriately to our station in life.  We use what we have been endowed with, making wise choices and the most out of those endowments, and we do it for the betterment of the society around us as well as of ourselves.  If we can master that, then there is hope for our communities, families, and even our nation.  Thanks for allowing me to pontificate, and until next time, keep yourself in perspective with realistic expectations and responsible action.