Some years ago, while doing some genealogy research, I came across a term that got my interest and wanted to find out more about it. My ancestors, as I have noted before elsewhere, were of French Huguenot heritage on my father's side, but there is more to the story than just that - those same Huguenot ancestors have a heritage that spans back well over one thousand years, and gives me direct descendance from the bloodlines of many lines of European nobility. In looking at it, a lot of things over the years began to make sense to me. What I found out was that somehow the concept of what is called Noblesse Oblige was hardwired into my very fabric of being, and to be honest it is not something I view as a bad thing either. Today I want to deal with that topic specifically, and also how this code that I had adhered to for many years of my life yet didn't have a term for has shaped me in so many ways.
If you look up the term Noblesse Oblige in a dictionary, it can be literally translated as "nobility obligates." What exactly does that mean?? Essentially, it just means that something compels one to act according to their station in life - nobility is supposed to reflect honor, in this case, so the person who bears it is to act honorably. It is a concept rooted in the ancient codes of chivalry, and to be honest it does make one more responsible for their own actions when one realizes that they represent something and therefore should represent it in the best light. In Christian praxis, this means that if one says they are Christian, one must act, believe, and profess honestly the Christianity they claim to embrace, something that our Evangelical friends (to their credit) do take seriously, in principle if not in practice. However, as I understand it as well, one who has Noblesse Oblige as part of their personal code must also display a grace to others - the privilege of one's heritage must be balanced, to use the dictionary explanation (in this case, Wikipedia), by duty towards those who lack such privilege or cannot perform such duty. In other words, in strictest terms Noblesse Oblige is rooted in a Judeo-Christian concept of dignity of personhood, and it means that a person who possesses such privilege or adheres to such a code must understand the following things:
1. As a potential leader, it means setting a good example of behavior for others.
2. The avoidance of pretension and conceit - you don't lord your station over others.
3. Minimal standards of decency are to be exceeded, and excellence in morality is a goal of the person who has Noblesse Oblige as a code.
4. The leader takes responsibility for wrong actions and mistakes, and for the greater good of his or her society they take the blame when something goes wrong as a result of them.
5. Exemplary leadership implies being a servant rather than a master in many cases.
For many critics of this mindset, the biggest contention they have is that fulfilling a duty in appearance seems to justify privilege of the one possessing it, and it often gets misinterpreted by some as what is called jural correlative - if someone has a right, someone else owes a duty to them as a result. I have found, though, that the critics are often the ones who carry this to extreme rather than those who adhere to Noblesse Oblige - we have seen that in recent years when whiney, immature "progressives" have, under the guise of such things as "political correctness," tried to justify stifling freedom of thought and speech by silencing those who disagree with them in violent ways, such as the nonsense we saw at Berkeley recently as well as that whole "Black Lives Matter" scam. This, for me then, would make the critics inconsistent, as socialism and "progressivism" often seek to subjugate the convictions of the individual by making them conform with the accepted "groupthink" they themselves are propagating. Noblesse Oblige, in its truest sense, would oppose such behavior - rather, it affirms that the dignity of personhood is paramount, and with that dignity of personhood comes responsibility to act as a civilized human being, no matter what one's station in life is. Nobility, in that case, is not confined to just aristocratic titles, but rather extends to those who act nobly. Often, the poorest among us have a better concept of Noblesse Oblige than do the elites, and in my own case, I have the aristocratic blood but have spent much of my own life on the "wrong side of the tracks," and this for me has created a synthesis of Noblesse Oblige with another code - the Appalachian Code.
Being raised in West Virginia in a poor household with a single alcoholic mother, you learn quickly about self-sufficiency, and as a result one develops a set of standards to help one not merely survive their circumstance, but to rise above it. I had to do that on so many levels, and although often not appreciated or taken seriously in many cases, I have accomplished much. That is because in addition to that ingrained Noblesse Oblige mentality I have, I have also learned to live by a few other standards shaped by my upbringing. Here are a few of those:
1. An adverse situation can be made better by exercising ingenuity, and it is the responsibility of one to be ingenious (this is called, in Appalachian vernacular, "Making Do").
2. If someone does something for someone else, there is an unspoken obligation of the one receiving the favor to reciprocate in some way.
3. If one promises something, it must be honored - time factors don't matter, but fulfilling the promise does.
4. Consistency in behavior is essential - if one is striving to project something, one must be consistent and not contradict or neglect the process of achieving that behavioral goal.
5. One must, regardless of station in life, always look out for the less-fortunate - doggedly stand up for them, help them as able to do so, and always remember one can become less-fortunate themselves.
6. Learn to be multipotential - know a little about as much as one can, and it can be an asset later on.
7. Never forget where one comes from - although stations in life change, we all have roots, and we have to accept and understand both positives and negatives.
I would add one other to this based on personal experience - although one may not always live up to these standards, it is important to try, and also to admit where one falls short and move forward. The downside to any codes like these is that often times we raise the bars on ourselves so high that we fail ourselves more than we do others, who can be more understanding. I have done that many times in my life, and it can be a difficult thing to deal with. However, in time as I was reassured that it is OK, I was able to recollect myself and try again, and having a little more insight helped me to be more realistic about my own limitations and I was able to accomplish my goal better. Also, patience plays into these issues as well, something else I have struggled with over the years. I am one of those people who, when I get something in my mind, I want to make the big picture manifest itself immediately. However, there are other factors involved which may limit the vision to being more like a puzzle - you receive a piece here, a piece there, and your job is to make the pieces fit together and that can take a process of time too. It is the struggle of potentiality (what the ideal is to be) vs. actuality (what the situation is) which can be hard. You know that you have this inner desire to be there, but limitations in resources and appreciation of others are binding you here, and that can be frustrating. This is where two things help out - the Noblesse Oblige principle of setting good example plus the Appalachian ideal of using what you have and the intelligence God endowed you with to "make do" and find the solution to the problem. Proactivity is paramount, and it becomes the bridge that connects the pieces of the puzzle. As mentioned, we are often our own worst critic, and our own expectations can be unrealistically high, so we have to sometimes step back, lower the bar somewhat, and move onto Plan B. This realism sort of tempers the more lofty aspects of Noblesse Oblige and it makes them more attainable by redirecting our focus on what resources we do have to work them as well as how to use them to the most efficient advantage. And, that is the hard part - we must contend with impatience, opposition from others, and disadvantage when material resources are not adequate to carry out the goal we need to achieve. Cultivating this patience doesn't in any way contradict Noblesse Oblige, but rather makes it more doable in that we now can realistically meet reasonable expectations and can minimize frustration and disappointment of ourselves and others. It was the Appalachian influence that helped me do this in many cases.
So, how did I achieve that, you probably ask? I point to one thing - imagination. Imagination is often dismissed as being unrealistic and an exercise in futility, but it must instead be seen as a gift we are endowed with to motivate us. When I was a kid, I read a lot, and I also fantasized about many things too - I wanted to set up my own kingdom, and had it in mind to carve up the eastern part of Brazil as my own little empire (yes, I thought like that between the ages of 9 and 11!). As I formulated those plans, I would incorporate things I had read, and in my mind I could see it happening. Of course, it never did - I am not wearing a crown today, and actually live very modestly on a personal domain that consists of the household my wife and I built together. However, reading that stuff did help me in other ways - it often made a rough childhood go smoother, and an active imagination encouraged me to explore and seek out things, whether that entailed tramping around in the woods that covered the surrounding hills of our house in Kirby, WV, back then or voraciously reading that whole set of World Book Encyclopedias as well as a gourmet cookbook, a set of story books, and even stuff my mother had about the Jonestown murders, the Charles Manson issue, and other weird material I was reading at that age. Much of that knowledge would serve me well later actually, which is why I am now finishing up a Masters degree in about 6 months.
The natural bi-product of seeking out knowledge and digesting it is also the ability to regurgitate it into the form I can express and make practical use of it, and that is why early on I got into writing down personal thoughts, as well as engaging in a practice called "self-directed speech." In case you don't know what the latter is, essentially it means I talk to myself (see a previous article). A behavior that "normal" society condemns often as being the manifestation of insanity is in reality the expression of creativity - "talking out" your ideas, thoughts, etc., often aids in problem-solving and also eventual implementation of ideas. When you are not taken seriously by anyone around you a lot of times, this becomes a necessary discourse for self-expression. That is why today I value time to myself, and I often get short-tempered and impatient with people - like my meddling mother, who can be a pain in the butt! - who get in my way. This is why personal journals (soon I want to cover that as a subject in itself here) and self-directed speech are to be encouraged. If you are a parent and you have a child that does this, don't punish them or make light of them, as they may be developing their own future success in life.
I just went down a short rabbit-trail to connect self-expression and self-expectation as they relate to personal codes of chivalry and ethics. Knowing one's self is the key to meeting realistic expectations of our own standards, and it may provide valuable insight into how to practically carry out those objectives without over-extending ourselves or facing disappointment. The "entitlement crowd" of "politically-correct," socially-irresponsible Millennials (and the loony Boomers and Xers of previous generations who empower them) whining about "safe spaces" and the "privilege" of others has created a lot of unnecessary and loud static which inhibits and even prohibits true creative self-expression and behavioral growth. This post-modern iconoclasm has in essence sought to suppress individuality while claiming to embrace it, and it has generated an atmosphere of irresponsibility, laziness, and intolerance for others who have unique perspective, and that is the failure of these movements like "Occupy Wall Street," "Black Lives Matter," and the whole culture of "political correctness." The "safe spaces" of its proponents are in reality some of the most oppressive of suppressive acts, and it also promotes selfishness and depersonalization of others. That is why I continue to embrace what many "progressives" would call an antiquated, archaic chivalric code, because at least with standards I can respect the "progressive" better than they can respect me. I also have the clarity of knowing when to either shut up or to tune out the din and clutter of post-modern society in order to refocus myself when the need arises, and that gives me a perspective that many of this generation lack because now they somehow mistakenly think it is a "good" thing to deprive themselves of that. It is imperative that we as a society get a priority of establishing boundaries and standards back, but at this point it may even be necessary to let the society implode upon itself, as many of its participants are beyond reason and may need to learn a hard lesson on their own. If that is the case, and if America's fate is self-implosion into its own shortcomings, then those of us who are not part of that melee need to separate ourselves from it, stand back, and let things take their course, as there may be no other way. At the same time, we need to insure we have the liberty to lead our lives, be allowed to hold our convictions, and exercise our own self-expression without anarchic mobs of immature "radicals" trying to exterminate us for doing so. This may in time mean that many of us may have to disconnect from the surrounding society, and maybe find our own true "safe space" to re-establish order, decency, and standards of self-conduct becoming to who we are. However, I am starting to venture into the political realm, and that is a discussion for another time.
It is time to conclude this discourse by summarizing what we need to take from it. First, standards are important, and by all means preserve them. However, we should know our limitations too - the true essence of Noblesse Oblige is responsible action based on realistic expectations to fulfill the obligation of acting appropriately to our station in life. We use what we have been endowed with, making wise choices and the most out of those endowments, and we do it for the betterment of the society around us as well as of ourselves. If we can master that, then there is hope for our communities, families, and even our nation. Thanks for allowing me to pontificate, and until next time, keep yourself in perspective with realistic expectations and responsible action.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Monday, May 15, 2017
Showing Others You Deserve Better Treatment as a Person
This is, in reality, one of the hardest blog posts I have had to put together, as it entails some personally sensitive material about myself that to be honest I have been afraid to say anything about. However, recently I came to a realization that there needs to be a sort of personal transformation in my life, as in many ways I have been denied things that should have otherwise been mine in the first place. This is a practical and personal reflection, and in no way claims to be theological or connected to spirituality. There are some dimensions where the theological/spiritual simply don't apply, and a lot of times it has to do with lifelong interactions with family and others. That is what I want to address today.
For many reading this, there may be little (if any) relevance, as you may have come from loving, supporting families and generally everything you touch turns to gold. If that is you, then I in no way am envious of you, and you should be very proud of what you have accomplished. However, this reflection may create a disconnect with you if you are that person, so don't take it personally when I say what I am about to say. That being said, let's talk about the others of us.
Some of you reading this may be feeling a lot of pent-up frustration - you have worked your butt off, excelled, and yet you are still not taken seriously by those who we mistakenly think matter most - relatives, in-laws, colleagues who may have done this or that, etc. If you are that person, you are who this article is for, because I am that person myself. This is a major part of my history, and maybe by sharing it I hope that if you are also that person, maybe it will cause you to think "Gee, I am not alone out there!" And, you truly are not alone - I am about to tell you some things that normally are very sensitive for me to talk about, and as I do so, look inside and think as to whether or not you have had that type of struggle. That being said, let's get started.
Barb and I love to watch the various Star Trek series that have come out over the years, and two in particular (Voyager and The Next Generation) have intermittently at times featured a character by the name of Reginald Barclay (who is played masterfully by actor Dwight Schultz, who you will also remember as Murdock from The A Team). Barclay is brilliant, and he is a fairly capable Star Fleet officer, but often times he is overlooked and not taken seriously because of how he appears to others - he displays insecurity, an inability to articulate his thoughts well, and often in frustration he acts impulsively to get his point across. When I see Barclay on Star Trek, I cannot help having empathy with his character, as I can see myself a lot in him. It is at this point I am struggling as to where to start too, because this story has to have a beginning and an identification of the root issue, but how to do it is a challenge. So, let's start a fresh paragraph and see how I can relate this to my story.
I grew up in a family that was, well, not exactly Rockwellesque - they will not be doing Christmas paintings any time soon based on any of my relatives, I will put it that way. In my mother's family, for instance, there was never really any show of affection or support for anyone, and although there may have been love there somewhere, it was not displayed. When I was a kid in particular, I was seen as a sort of "toy" by some aunts, uncles, and older cousins, and sometimes it got to be rather insensitive as to how they acted at times. To take the most notable example, I will use my hatred for anything vinegary and in particular pickles of any sort. As a kid, I never really liked them at all, but unfortunately the way some of my family acts, they pick up on something like that and use it as a tool of amusement against people, not realizing what sort of damage they cause. As a result, today I don't merely dislike pickles, but I hate them with a passion - I even vomit when I smell them, and I don't want to touch one and it ruins a meal if one is even in close proximity to the table or plate I am eating from. Even to this day, my family on my mother's side treats this like a big joke - they will wave those damned things in my face and say stuff like, "have a pickle, Davie - haw haw haw!" If you are doing stuff like this to your kids, or if anyone else is, then please stop doing it - your kids are persons created with all the dignity of being every human has, and they don't deserve that. You are sending the message to them that they don't matter, and that all they are is just something to play with until you grow old and they get bored with you. To be honest, the relatives who perpetrate this ought to be fined for abuse, as that is exactly what it is. Traumatizing young children just so you can have a good laugh out of it is wrong, it is stupid, it is immoral, and it epitomizes cruelty. That sort of behavior will one day end up coming back to bite the people who commit it in the rear too.
Another thing I want to talk about is gossip and negativity. I have an elderly aunt on my mother's side of the family who is one of the last of her siblings still alive. When I was little, this aunt used to be one of my favorite people - I spent a week or so on occasion at her house when I was little, and it was always fun. But, this too is an illusion - when I grew older, she stopped staying in touch with me because of a "beef" my mother had with the family, and I felt like I was being punished for it. In my adulthood, I have seen her a few times in recent years - she is in declining health, and she may not live much longer. But, she is also bitter, and gossip and negativity about family members seems to be the major topic of conversation when she and one of my grandparents (who is her older sibling) get together - if you listen to these people, a lot of lies, slander, and badmouthing of their own kids, grandkids, and other relatives starts to make one think, "OK, if they are badmouthing everyone else in the family, what will be said about me when I leave?" A grandparent often says when I talk on the phone with them that "Aunt so-and-so has been asking about you, so you should go see them when you visit." Problem is, I don't have the desire to any longer - I don't need trash-talking of other relatives, nor do I want to provide fuel for a gossip firestorm about me either. It is one of those situations where it is the case that if nothing good can be said about anyone, then it is not worth my time to listen. If you have gossiping relatives like that, it is up to you to decide whether to be around them or not, but for your personal well-being and peace of mind, if you don't feel comfortable with it don't go.
Now, let me turn my attention to in-laws! In-laws can sometimes be like a second family if you get good ones, and even the imperfect ones on occasion will come around eventually. Most of mine are generally pretty decent, but there are some of them who personally I would rather not deal with. A couple of them have done fairly well for themselves over the years (good for them - nothing wrong with a little success being the fruit of hard work) and they are in a socio-income bracket which is somewhat different from mine. These same particular individuals also claim to be "religious" and are always spouting off "christianese" of some sort, peppering their conversations with it ad nauseum. However, looks can be deceiving - beneath that veneer of religiosity with these people lies hearts filled with judgmentalism, gossip, condemnation of others, etc. Out of one side of their mouth - in particular, one in-law who at one time worked for a major Evangelical college! - they are saying "Oh, the Lord is good!" or, "I pray for this one or that one." Yet, out of the other side of that same person's mouth, I have seen them defame and shred to pieces another of their own siblings who was going through a tough time - this person even sent emails to strangers about their own sibling that were so mean-spirited it would make the last Presidential election look like a prayer meeting! This person tried to have their sibling fired from their job, arrested, and so many other things, and no restitution to the offended party was truly ever made. The sibling in question still stings from those wounds to this day. And, I will not even get into the garbage and lies they spouted about me over the years - they made it up in their minds to basically hate me before they even met me, and they have been condemning, judgmental, and nasty with me ever since, all the while appealing to how "Christian" they are. In-laws like this are a malady that needs to be purged - you don't need them in your life, and neither does your spouse, and there is a reason why. Nine chances out of ten, the unjust treatment you are receiving from unpleasant in-laws is reflexive of how they are feeling about your spouse, who is their flesh-and-blood. In my wife's case, she is the youngest, and they have never fully appreciated or respected her although she has done some incredible things in her life and I personally am proud of my wife's accomplishments - she worked her butt off, and I have witnessed it and have always supported her for it. The meddling in-laws need to be told to jump off a high cliff somewhere and get their dirty crap-hunting noses out of your life and business, and they cannot be enabled by complicity - it is easy, especially for the spouse who is the sibling, to just "write it off" as "they have done this for years and I ignore it." In reality, your spouse is hurt from that behavior too, and your job as the husband or wife is to not only be an encouragement, but also to be that occasional boot in the rear that compels your spouse to stand up for themselves against sibling bullies and tell them what they can do to themselves if necessary. Until they do, the bad behavior on the part of in-laws will continue. I have learned over the years too that although every fiber of your being wants to whale the tar out of that pain-in-the-arse in-law who is causing problems, it is sometimes best to keep a low profile until either the right moment or until your spouse, who loves you and is married to you for a reason, finally reaches that point where "enough is enough!" and they let them have it! Remember, when an in-law picks on the spouse of their siblings, they are also insulting the sibling who married the spouse - it is their way of saying that your spouse doesn't meet their standards and usually it is a way for them to use coercion to mess in your life. When they do that, it is time to put your foot down and say "STOP!!!" as your choice of life mate was not to please them, but because of the love you have for each other - that is what really matters. The in-law who has a problem with that can frankly - and yes, I am going to say it! - go to hell in a handbasket with roller skates. Enough said.
Let's now turn attention to parents. In my family, I came from a broken home - I had an absentee dad who found ways to either coerce and control me when he could, and a mother who was so apathetic and indifferent that all she wanted to do was sit around and drink herself into a stupor. I have been caught between them a lot over the years, as their divorce was not pretty and they pretty much despise each other even to this day. Thing is though, I see things from another angle, and from my perspective neither of my parents have been a great prize. Starting too from the age of 9, I pretty much had to figure out things by myself as I went through life - my parents were no help, and had no involvement in my life except when it was absolutely necessary for them to do so. I am reminded of two movies here when I think of this. The first was a movie called Matilda, where a super-intelligent little girl was sort of disregarded and rejected by deadbeat parents who were more stuck on themselves rather than taking an interest in raising a gifted daughter. Along the same lines I also think of the movie Simon Birch, in which a dwarf kid is basically treated by his parents as nothing but in the end he sacrifices himself to save a busload of dying kids from a church camp. My parents unfortunately shared a lot in common with both sets of parents from these movies, and as a result I never truly had a support grid to help me develop when I was younger and even to this day I still am a sort of "do-it-myself" individual who has made a lot of mistakes over the years while laboring under the mistaken notion that only I can do anything to help my own situation. It was so bad that even when I graduated from college, all I had at my college graduation - after four years of hard work and earning a degree - was just my wife; neither of my parents cared to show up. And, that still stings to this day. I have come to the conclusion that I am the best of whatever my parents had, and I do better without them. If you are in a similar situation - you may even be a kid or teenager in that situation - there are outlets you have to build your own support base. Keep a journal for one thing - journaling is therapeutic in so many ways, and it helps sort out many things. Also, don't be afraid of self-directed speech - it is OK to talk to yourself, especially when no one else listens! Finally, there are going to be people who will see potential in you (teachers, neighbors, and on occasion even other more enlightened relatives) and they will act as mentors to you - value that, and always remember to appreciate them for it. One further thing - develop interests. One term that is bandied about these days that I have just read up on is something called multipotentiality, which means that you develop an interest in a variety of things, I want to spend a little time talking about that now.
A multipotentialite is a person who will be a paradox to many around them. These type of people are often rejected, wrongly labeled as being without direction, and even called "flighty." In reality though, these type of people are the raw material of genius, and it is even more important that they develop an interest in different disciplines as an outlet of self-expression. I am myself like that, in that I write, collect music, am a history buff, and of course my interest in religion, genealogy, etc. I also draw, cook, hunt, fish, and do so many other things too. Engaging in a variety of interests can be an important oasis in a disadvantageous situation, and as you engage in these activities, there is no need to involve disinterested parents, in-laws, or extended family in them; if they don't appreciate you anyway, screw them (yes, I am being blunt again, sorry!). You are doing this for you, not for them - on occasion, people will be brought into your life who will see the potential, and maybe they are there for the purpose of helping you channel that potential into something more formal, and if so count it as a blessing. In time though, you will mature to realize that you can't do it all, and perhaps you can focus on a strong area to cultivate into a potential career or passion, and as you excel in it you will also be flinging proverbial pies in the face of your detractors, and it will be them who will look stupid, not you. And, so what if these individuals think it's a waste of time - again, screw them! You are not doing it for their benefit, but for yours. And, in the end it can bear some rich fruit, although it may take time to cultivate it.
There is a lot more that can be said, and again, I know I was a little blunt on some language - blunter than I usually am. However, some things just need saying, and this is one of those cases. So, what do we learn from all of this? Here are a few things:
1. Negative family and in-laws are deadwood, a total nuisance, and they will sap you of your passion if you let them - learn to stand up and say "No!" when the situation warrants it.
2. Don't be afraid to be yourself, and don't let anyone try to coerce you into being something you are not. Your personhood has as its most valuable asset its individuality, and no one can rob that.
3. Don't be afraid to pursue your interests, no matter what anyone says - you are doing it for you, not for them. If they don't like that, they know what they can do, right?
4. For what you accomplish in life, you deserve better. If you work hard for it, you should pursue and not settle for less. If your deadbeat relatives and gossipy in-laws don't like that, well...they know what to do there too.
5. Finally, you are above the judgment, gossip, and badmouthing of ignorant relatives - if they don't appreciate you for who you are, and are always trying to find fault and make sport of you, they are not worth your trouble, so don't feel guilty about staying away from them.
These things are not meant to be a theological discourse, which is why I am not treating them as such and am instead focusing on it based upon personal experience and what I have learned of personalist philosophy. People need to learn that they cannot treat others of us as jokes, their own personal doormats, and as less than what we are - no one has that right, and it does violence against one's personhood. Therefore, it is OK to stand up for yourself - if for no other reason, it can empower others who have been on the receiving end of treatments like this too. That being said, in coming months I hope to address and articulate other aspects of this whole subject, as in doing so it helps me too. Take care until next visit.
For many reading this, there may be little (if any) relevance, as you may have come from loving, supporting families and generally everything you touch turns to gold. If that is you, then I in no way am envious of you, and you should be very proud of what you have accomplished. However, this reflection may create a disconnect with you if you are that person, so don't take it personally when I say what I am about to say. That being said, let's talk about the others of us.
Some of you reading this may be feeling a lot of pent-up frustration - you have worked your butt off, excelled, and yet you are still not taken seriously by those who we mistakenly think matter most - relatives, in-laws, colleagues who may have done this or that, etc. If you are that person, you are who this article is for, because I am that person myself. This is a major part of my history, and maybe by sharing it I hope that if you are also that person, maybe it will cause you to think "Gee, I am not alone out there!" And, you truly are not alone - I am about to tell you some things that normally are very sensitive for me to talk about, and as I do so, look inside and think as to whether or not you have had that type of struggle. That being said, let's get started.
Barb and I love to watch the various Star Trek series that have come out over the years, and two in particular (Voyager and The Next Generation) have intermittently at times featured a character by the name of Reginald Barclay (who is played masterfully by actor Dwight Schultz, who you will also remember as Murdock from The A Team). Barclay is brilliant, and he is a fairly capable Star Fleet officer, but often times he is overlooked and not taken seriously because of how he appears to others - he displays insecurity, an inability to articulate his thoughts well, and often in frustration he acts impulsively to get his point across. When I see Barclay on Star Trek, I cannot help having empathy with his character, as I can see myself a lot in him. It is at this point I am struggling as to where to start too, because this story has to have a beginning and an identification of the root issue, but how to do it is a challenge. So, let's start a fresh paragraph and see how I can relate this to my story.
I grew up in a family that was, well, not exactly Rockwellesque - they will not be doing Christmas paintings any time soon based on any of my relatives, I will put it that way. In my mother's family, for instance, there was never really any show of affection or support for anyone, and although there may have been love there somewhere, it was not displayed. When I was a kid in particular, I was seen as a sort of "toy" by some aunts, uncles, and older cousins, and sometimes it got to be rather insensitive as to how they acted at times. To take the most notable example, I will use my hatred for anything vinegary and in particular pickles of any sort. As a kid, I never really liked them at all, but unfortunately the way some of my family acts, they pick up on something like that and use it as a tool of amusement against people, not realizing what sort of damage they cause. As a result, today I don't merely dislike pickles, but I hate them with a passion - I even vomit when I smell them, and I don't want to touch one and it ruins a meal if one is even in close proximity to the table or plate I am eating from. Even to this day, my family on my mother's side treats this like a big joke - they will wave those damned things in my face and say stuff like, "have a pickle, Davie - haw haw haw!" If you are doing stuff like this to your kids, or if anyone else is, then please stop doing it - your kids are persons created with all the dignity of being every human has, and they don't deserve that. You are sending the message to them that they don't matter, and that all they are is just something to play with until you grow old and they get bored with you. To be honest, the relatives who perpetrate this ought to be fined for abuse, as that is exactly what it is. Traumatizing young children just so you can have a good laugh out of it is wrong, it is stupid, it is immoral, and it epitomizes cruelty. That sort of behavior will one day end up coming back to bite the people who commit it in the rear too.
Another thing I want to talk about is gossip and negativity. I have an elderly aunt on my mother's side of the family who is one of the last of her siblings still alive. When I was little, this aunt used to be one of my favorite people - I spent a week or so on occasion at her house when I was little, and it was always fun. But, this too is an illusion - when I grew older, she stopped staying in touch with me because of a "beef" my mother had with the family, and I felt like I was being punished for it. In my adulthood, I have seen her a few times in recent years - she is in declining health, and she may not live much longer. But, she is also bitter, and gossip and negativity about family members seems to be the major topic of conversation when she and one of my grandparents (who is her older sibling) get together - if you listen to these people, a lot of lies, slander, and badmouthing of their own kids, grandkids, and other relatives starts to make one think, "OK, if they are badmouthing everyone else in the family, what will be said about me when I leave?" A grandparent often says when I talk on the phone with them that "Aunt so-and-so has been asking about you, so you should go see them when you visit." Problem is, I don't have the desire to any longer - I don't need trash-talking of other relatives, nor do I want to provide fuel for a gossip firestorm about me either. It is one of those situations where it is the case that if nothing good can be said about anyone, then it is not worth my time to listen. If you have gossiping relatives like that, it is up to you to decide whether to be around them or not, but for your personal well-being and peace of mind, if you don't feel comfortable with it don't go.
Now, let me turn my attention to in-laws! In-laws can sometimes be like a second family if you get good ones, and even the imperfect ones on occasion will come around eventually. Most of mine are generally pretty decent, but there are some of them who personally I would rather not deal with. A couple of them have done fairly well for themselves over the years (good for them - nothing wrong with a little success being the fruit of hard work) and they are in a socio-income bracket which is somewhat different from mine. These same particular individuals also claim to be "religious" and are always spouting off "christianese" of some sort, peppering their conversations with it ad nauseum. However, looks can be deceiving - beneath that veneer of religiosity with these people lies hearts filled with judgmentalism, gossip, condemnation of others, etc. Out of one side of their mouth - in particular, one in-law who at one time worked for a major Evangelical college! - they are saying "Oh, the Lord is good!" or, "I pray for this one or that one." Yet, out of the other side of that same person's mouth, I have seen them defame and shred to pieces another of their own siblings who was going through a tough time - this person even sent emails to strangers about their own sibling that were so mean-spirited it would make the last Presidential election look like a prayer meeting! This person tried to have their sibling fired from their job, arrested, and so many other things, and no restitution to the offended party was truly ever made. The sibling in question still stings from those wounds to this day. And, I will not even get into the garbage and lies they spouted about me over the years - they made it up in their minds to basically hate me before they even met me, and they have been condemning, judgmental, and nasty with me ever since, all the while appealing to how "Christian" they are. In-laws like this are a malady that needs to be purged - you don't need them in your life, and neither does your spouse, and there is a reason why. Nine chances out of ten, the unjust treatment you are receiving from unpleasant in-laws is reflexive of how they are feeling about your spouse, who is their flesh-and-blood. In my wife's case, she is the youngest, and they have never fully appreciated or respected her although she has done some incredible things in her life and I personally am proud of my wife's accomplishments - she worked her butt off, and I have witnessed it and have always supported her for it. The meddling in-laws need to be told to jump off a high cliff somewhere and get their dirty crap-hunting noses out of your life and business, and they cannot be enabled by complicity - it is easy, especially for the spouse who is the sibling, to just "write it off" as "they have done this for years and I ignore it." In reality, your spouse is hurt from that behavior too, and your job as the husband or wife is to not only be an encouragement, but also to be that occasional boot in the rear that compels your spouse to stand up for themselves against sibling bullies and tell them what they can do to themselves if necessary. Until they do, the bad behavior on the part of in-laws will continue. I have learned over the years too that although every fiber of your being wants to whale the tar out of that pain-in-the-arse in-law who is causing problems, it is sometimes best to keep a low profile until either the right moment or until your spouse, who loves you and is married to you for a reason, finally reaches that point where "enough is enough!" and they let them have it! Remember, when an in-law picks on the spouse of their siblings, they are also insulting the sibling who married the spouse - it is their way of saying that your spouse doesn't meet their standards and usually it is a way for them to use coercion to mess in your life. When they do that, it is time to put your foot down and say "STOP!!!" as your choice of life mate was not to please them, but because of the love you have for each other - that is what really matters. The in-law who has a problem with that can frankly - and yes, I am going to say it! - go to hell in a handbasket with roller skates. Enough said.
Let's now turn attention to parents. In my family, I came from a broken home - I had an absentee dad who found ways to either coerce and control me when he could, and a mother who was so apathetic and indifferent that all she wanted to do was sit around and drink herself into a stupor. I have been caught between them a lot over the years, as their divorce was not pretty and they pretty much despise each other even to this day. Thing is though, I see things from another angle, and from my perspective neither of my parents have been a great prize. Starting too from the age of 9, I pretty much had to figure out things by myself as I went through life - my parents were no help, and had no involvement in my life except when it was absolutely necessary for them to do so. I am reminded of two movies here when I think of this. The first was a movie called Matilda, where a super-intelligent little girl was sort of disregarded and rejected by deadbeat parents who were more stuck on themselves rather than taking an interest in raising a gifted daughter. Along the same lines I also think of the movie Simon Birch, in which a dwarf kid is basically treated by his parents as nothing but in the end he sacrifices himself to save a busload of dying kids from a church camp. My parents unfortunately shared a lot in common with both sets of parents from these movies, and as a result I never truly had a support grid to help me develop when I was younger and even to this day I still am a sort of "do-it-myself" individual who has made a lot of mistakes over the years while laboring under the mistaken notion that only I can do anything to help my own situation. It was so bad that even when I graduated from college, all I had at my college graduation - after four years of hard work and earning a degree - was just my wife; neither of my parents cared to show up. And, that still stings to this day. I have come to the conclusion that I am the best of whatever my parents had, and I do better without them. If you are in a similar situation - you may even be a kid or teenager in that situation - there are outlets you have to build your own support base. Keep a journal for one thing - journaling is therapeutic in so many ways, and it helps sort out many things. Also, don't be afraid of self-directed speech - it is OK to talk to yourself, especially when no one else listens! Finally, there are going to be people who will see potential in you (teachers, neighbors, and on occasion even other more enlightened relatives) and they will act as mentors to you - value that, and always remember to appreciate them for it. One further thing - develop interests. One term that is bandied about these days that I have just read up on is something called multipotentiality, which means that you develop an interest in a variety of things, I want to spend a little time talking about that now.
A multipotentialite is a person who will be a paradox to many around them. These type of people are often rejected, wrongly labeled as being without direction, and even called "flighty." In reality though, these type of people are the raw material of genius, and it is even more important that they develop an interest in different disciplines as an outlet of self-expression. I am myself like that, in that I write, collect music, am a history buff, and of course my interest in religion, genealogy, etc. I also draw, cook, hunt, fish, and do so many other things too. Engaging in a variety of interests can be an important oasis in a disadvantageous situation, and as you engage in these activities, there is no need to involve disinterested parents, in-laws, or extended family in them; if they don't appreciate you anyway, screw them (yes, I am being blunt again, sorry!). You are doing this for you, not for them - on occasion, people will be brought into your life who will see the potential, and maybe they are there for the purpose of helping you channel that potential into something more formal, and if so count it as a blessing. In time though, you will mature to realize that you can't do it all, and perhaps you can focus on a strong area to cultivate into a potential career or passion, and as you excel in it you will also be flinging proverbial pies in the face of your detractors, and it will be them who will look stupid, not you. And, so what if these individuals think it's a waste of time - again, screw them! You are not doing it for their benefit, but for yours. And, in the end it can bear some rich fruit, although it may take time to cultivate it.
There is a lot more that can be said, and again, I know I was a little blunt on some language - blunter than I usually am. However, some things just need saying, and this is one of those cases. So, what do we learn from all of this? Here are a few things:
1. Negative family and in-laws are deadwood, a total nuisance, and they will sap you of your passion if you let them - learn to stand up and say "No!" when the situation warrants it.
2. Don't be afraid to be yourself, and don't let anyone try to coerce you into being something you are not. Your personhood has as its most valuable asset its individuality, and no one can rob that.
3. Don't be afraid to pursue your interests, no matter what anyone says - you are doing it for you, not for them. If they don't like that, they know what they can do, right?
4. For what you accomplish in life, you deserve better. If you work hard for it, you should pursue and not settle for less. If your deadbeat relatives and gossipy in-laws don't like that, well...they know what to do there too.
5. Finally, you are above the judgment, gossip, and badmouthing of ignorant relatives - if they don't appreciate you for who you are, and are always trying to find fault and make sport of you, they are not worth your trouble, so don't feel guilty about staying away from them.
These things are not meant to be a theological discourse, which is why I am not treating them as such and am instead focusing on it based upon personal experience and what I have learned of personalist philosophy. People need to learn that they cannot treat others of us as jokes, their own personal doormats, and as less than what we are - no one has that right, and it does violence against one's personhood. Therefore, it is OK to stand up for yourself - if for no other reason, it can empower others who have been on the receiving end of treatments like this too. That being said, in coming months I hope to address and articulate other aspects of this whole subject, as in doing so it helps me too. Take care until next visit.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
The Ridiculous Saga of the "Chewbacca Mom"
Last year, a woman in Texas by the name of Candace Payne decides to buy a Chewbacca mask on a whim, and then proceeds to laugh like a hyena while she films herself doing so. The saga of "Chewbacca Mom" was born as a result of that foray into amateur YouTube video production. Under normal circumstances, this would be just another novelty video that would get a couple of hits on YouTube, a few comments on social media, and then it would die. However, Payne turned this impromptu video into one of the most successful shuck-and-jive enterprises since Rev. Ike was selling swamp water on TV decades past. I have some serious concerns about this, as eventually it also involved the university I graduated from, which honestly has been heading in the crapper over the past 20 years anyway - this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Payne in her "Chewbacca Mom" getup
My alma mater, Southeastern University in Lakeland, FL, gave the "Chewbacca Mom" and her whole family full scholarships amounting to a sum of $400K. The new "hunky and trendy" President of Southeastern, Dr. Kent Ingle, stated as his reasoning for this as being "Candace has inspired us and others with her joy. We want her and her family to experience some of that same joy through this gift (of scholarships)." (Eric Pera, "Laughter Brings Fame, Southeastern University Scholarships for 'Chewbacca Mom.' " in The Lakeland Ledger, June 1, 2016). However, I and many other alumni, as well as even some secular observers, see this as a huge publicity stunt with little relevence to anything. Let me explain.
Many alumni of Southeastern, and even some of its current students, are really struggling. They have amassed huge student loan debts to pay for a degree from that school, and often they cannot even get the job they worked so hard to prepare for. For instance, there is Fran, a lady who went to school there at around the same time I did - Fran was an honor student with a brilliant IQ, and she was also a veteran of the Armed Forces who served her country faithfully. Yet, in recent years, Fran has had to live on the street, and she struggles still on a modest income although her life has improved somewhat. Then there is Brock, a young graduate theology major from just a couple of years ago. Brock has a heart and passion for his vocation, but while at Southeastern he had to sell his motorcycle just to pay for textbooks, and as I recall, that motorcycle was possibly his primary transportation. Then there is another former graduate student whom I will call JC - she came to the school with high hopes, and ended up due to lack of funds living in a flophouse because she couldn't afford the dorm. Even myself too - I have about $60K in student loan debt from those years, and I am sure there are hundreds of other stories like this too. One of them is pretty recent - a young married student named August explained that he had student loan debt, has to hold down two jobs, and supports a family on top of all that (www.foxnews.com/us/2016/chewbacca-mom-her-family-receive-full-scholarships-to-southeastern-university.html, accessed 5/10/2017). Maybe if these people had put on a goofy mask and laughed like a fool, they may have had their education paid for and been all set - that seems to be how things work in Dr. Ingle's preppy rainbows-and-lollipop world. In response to Ingle's statement about "inspiration," I agree with my fellow alumna Karen Pansler-Lam who notes on her website in addressing this issue the following - What is inspiring about a woman's hysterical laughter while wearing a bizarre toy mask? Good question - I wonder what Kent Ingle's answer to that would be?
Southeastern University was founded originally as a Pentecostal Bible college back in the 1930's, and as such over the years (at least until recently!) it was at one time a pretty sound place to receive an education in Judeo-Christian worldview. Yet, reflexive of the decline and secularization of American Evangelicalism as a whole, Southeastern in the past 20 or so years has lost much of its focus - I mean, when the local newspaper described Ingle as "hunky and trendy" when he was chosen to be the new President of the school, it doesn't reflect well on the true heritage this institution once had. Usually, college presidents are observed in terms of their scholarship, their stature as statesmen and authorities in their field, or in the case of Christian colleges, in terms of their spirituality. Oh, but not Ingle - he is just "hunky and trendy!" "Dr. Hunky and the Chewbacca Mom" - sounds like an episode of Saturday Night Live, doesn't it? It would be comical if it wasn't so tragic for so many people.
My challenge to Ingle is this - if you're going to give a woman in a stupid toy mask all that scholarship money for doing what she did, then why don't you reward the real students and alumni of the past, those who busted their butts to excel academically and also develop spiritually, yet often they end up destitute and indebted with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans which they find difficult to pay because many of them are forced to work for substandard wages (if they can work at all!). Maybe, "Dr. Hunky," you can forgive their debt and make their lives a little easier - oh, but wait a minute; your faculty members have to remodel their kitchens, buy their $300K homes, and drive their trendy cars, and the poor schlub sitting in the classroom living on ramen soup has to pay for all that. And, the "Chewbacca Mom" is spared all that grief - well, good for her! Maybe she too should be educated in another way - let her meet the Frans, Brocks, JC's, and Augusts who either are currently on that campus or are alumni scraping by to make ends meet, and then let's see if she deserved that scholarship package.
A couple of years ago, I was interviewed by Chelsen Vicari of the Institute for Religion and Democracy regarding liberal theological trends at Southeastern in recent years - the flak I caught for that was dumbfounding, and I was more or less blackballed and snubbed by some of the more elitists on that campus, who hissed "how dare you!" and even called me names and besmirched my character. Then, after going through all the propaganda to discredit my concerns, their "fearless and hunky leader" decides to commit this stupid stunt of awarding a no-name woman in a toy mask a full scholarship for just being stupid on social media - seriously??? This tells me where Southeastern's priorities lie these days, and it is shameful, scandalous, and also contradicts the original mission of this institution. And, I will probably catch flak for saying what I said here (what else is new, right?) but sometimes the truth hurts, and Southeastern is about to get it's backside handed to it on a platter over this one - many alumni are talking, some are pulling funding, and more concern than ever about Southeastern's future is evident. But, will "Dr. Hunky" Ingle listen and take this advice to heart? My guess is not - he is about publicity stunts and creating cash cows for the school, and ol' "Chewbacca Mom" is his latest scheme to do so. As I write this, I am due to get one of the appeal letters from Ingle - those make good lining in my cat's litterbox, so thank you Ingle. Take care until next time.
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Goodbye to a Dear Friend and Neighbor
Ellen Haslacker (1937-2017)
It is one of the great blessings in life when you have a neighbor that becomes not only a close friend, but also practically like family. Over the years, I have lived around a great diversity of people - some were decent, others a royal pain in the backside - but on occasion there comes that special person that really endears themselves to you, and they become an important part of your life. Back when I was a teenager in Kirby, WV, one such person was a lady who just loved life and hardly ever had a frown on her face, even when she was not feeling her best. Ellen Haslacker was truly one of a kind, and on Easter Sunday I got the unfortunate news that she had passed away. I want to spend a little time today talking about her a little, as she truly has had a great impact on many people who knew her.
The first time we encountered Ellen was back in the beginning of 1982, when she and her family - her late husband Hubert (1935-2009), and their youngest daughter Teresa - moved about two doors down from us. The Haslackers had lived there for a few months until another neighbor, Luann Campbell, formally introduced us sometime around May of that year. Of course, up to that time I had seen their daughter Teresa in school - she was a grade behind me but we had the same teacher, as at the little Grassy Lick School there in Kirby each teacher taught two grades. I was actually quite enchanted with Teresa - to me she was the cutest thing I had seen, and I really developed a crush on her. However, the crush never really went anywhere, as I was a shy, introverted pre-teen then and a combination of being scared of rejection and of her daddy Hubert (a BIG guy incidentally!) who had a no-boys policy in place regarding his daughter's social life, I chose to be respectful and Teresa and I became close friends later. After finally getting introduced to the family, we began to visit more - usually I visited, as Mother was often too lazy to venture outside the house. It was soon also evident after meeting the Haslackers that we had more in common with them than we thought though, and that played a big part in our friendship too.
Ellen was, interesting enough, born in Rowlesburg, a town I was very familiar with. Much of my own roots could be traced back to there, and about 3 years after meeting the Haslackers I would be actually living back there myself again. Her mother Ocie Thomas (1908-2000) was a devout little Pentecostal lady who attended a little Oneness Pentecostal church in Rowlesburg, and she often visited Ellen too and we got to know her well also. She had also come from a fairly large family (she had 10 siblings!) and her father Carl Thomas was also a good buddy back in the day to Walter Masters, who was the late husband of Myrt, the little lady Mom and I looked after in Terra Alta during my high school years. With us coming from just south of Rowlesburg in Parsons, this forged a common identity of "sense of place" with Ellen, as we all came from similar backgrounds. At this time, all of Ellen's siblings save her little sister Margie (who still lives in Preston County) have also passed on, and for the most part that generation in their family has went onto better reward.
We lived nextdoor to the Haslackers for about two years, until we all eventually moved in different directions - Ellen and Hubert settled eventually in nearby Buffalo Hollow, just north of Romney, and Mom and I moved with my grandmother Elsie and step-grandfather Lonnie in August 1985 first to Wardensville, WV, and then later that year to Rowlesburg. After everyone scattered to the winds, we still kept in touch with the Haslackers for many years on occasion, and the last time I recall talking to Ellen was approximately 10 years ago I believe. At that time, Ellen had begun to have a few health issues - she had suffered a lot from both colitis and severe migraine headaches even back when we all were in Kirby - and in time after Hubert's passing in 2009 she eventually lived with her next-oldest daughter Julie for a while near Keyser until eventually being placed in convalescence in Romney. I actually regret not keeping more in touch with her in recent years, but unfortunately life and its demands makes one forget important things. However, Ellen has always been a special part of my own story, and she will be both fondly remembered as well as sorely missed.
A few of those fond memories that I have of Ellen centered upon our Kirby years. Ellen was a great cook, and it was not unusual to occasionally have a midday meal over at her house - she made a decent fried chicken, and also I learned how to make homemade potato chips from her. It was not uncommon for us to visit and chat for hours, and Ellen was almost like a second mother to me personally. And, she was always a fun-loving lady - she loved to laugh, and almost like a teenager herself she could be an active participant in pranks directed at some of the town drunks that pestered us. On one occasion, one of those drunks named Vernon Bowen came over to our house, and while he was preoccupied Ellen and I decided to "whip up" a concoction when he asked for a drink. To this day I don't know what all we put in that, but it involved Pepsi, vanilla, cayenne pepper, cooking oil, baking soda, and God only knows what else. Vernon, being too drunk to even know what was going on, drank that mess and thought it was the best drink he ever had, so he bought us a case of Pepsis for our trouble, which Ellen and I divvied up between us. What was even funnier about this was that when he was walking home that night, he actually fell off the Grassy Lick bridge into the creek! On another occasion we spiked another drunk's Skoal tobacco with hot peppers, and that was a hoot too - Ellen was good at scheming, that is for sure! But, the next story was probably one of the funniest yet.
Mom and Ellen were also pretty close, and Ellen kind of looked out for Mom as well, due to the fact Mom drank a lot and could do some bone-headed things back then. On one occasion, there was a Fourth of July party down at the local American Legion hall, and Mom, being a veteran and member, was invited and did attend. They had kegs of beer there, and earlier in the day Ellen told Mom to let her know when the party was over, as she had some water jugs she'd give Mom to take home some of the leftover libations. Well, the party wound down at around 2-3AM that morning, and although Mother was too sloshed to remember much else, she did remember about Ellen's offer of water jugs, and so in the wee hours of the morning she is banging on Ellen's bedroom window, and in a hissed whisper she asks "Ellen, do you have the jugs ready!" Ellen was, like most other normal people in town, deep in sleep, and in a half-awake, half-aware voice Ellen mumbles in response, "Forget the jugs!" (that is not exactly what Ellen said, as I cleaned it up - she actually said another word with an F that would be inappropriate to say here, and it's understandable because when you are half-asleep one says things, but it was all still funny and we all got a good laugh later). Mom, somehow seeing that Ellen was not going to be getting up anytime soon, resorted to commandeering a large trash can somewhere and filling it with the free beer, and somehow she managed to drag that thing home. That story is still classic to this day.
As you can see, life with Ellen as a neighbor was never boring and always fun, and when we moved away in 1985, I really missed those times. As mentioned though, I also had a huge crush on her daughter Teresa, and Ellen told me years later that she actually was secretly hoping Teresa and I would eventually get together and one day get married, but that of course never happened. Teresa eventually found the guy she loved and had a nice family with him, and in 1992 I married Barb and we have been happily married for over 25 years, as that ultimately was God's plan for us. But, Ellen was always still a great part of our lives, and she'll be greatly missed. At her passing, she left four kids behind - her oldest Windy from a previous marriage prior to Hubert who lives in Ohio, and her three kids with Hubert - Robert, her oldest son, who now lives in California; Julie, her second daughter who lives with her husband in Burlington, WV, and of course Teresa and her husband Sonny who live in Romney. According to the obituary, it looks like Ellen was even a great-great grandmother too, as possibly a couple of Windy's grandkids produced those.
Our loss on this earth and in this life of Ellen is heaven's gain, as there is little doubt that Ellen was a person of faith and she became more so as she got older. So, the good news is that one day we can see her again. Rest eternal, Ellen, and may Light Perpetual shine upon you.
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Commemorating the Victims of A Forgotten Tragedy
Although it has been a busy month for me - with the semester ending, my new responsibilities at our parish church, and still settling in from our recent move - one thing I wanted to do was commemorate the memories of some people I have a deep connection to. In 1915, a horrendous act of genocide was carried out by the Turks and other Islamist fanatics against primarily the Armenian people, but also caught in the crosshairs were Assyrians and Pontic Greeks, the total casualty count being approximately 1.5 million. To this day, the Turks still deny and attempt to suppress the facts regarding this atrocity, and unfortunately they have made some powerful allies within our own government, and that is what I wish to address today.
It comes as no surprise that Capital Hill is filled with deadbeats we call Congressmen. They claim to represent us, but in reality the overwhelming majority of them are career politicians seeking to advance themselves, and although President Trump promised to "drain the swamp" of these bloodsucking leeches (and, yes, they are both Democrats and Republicans!) that has yet to be made reality. In commemoration of the victims of the Armenian Genocide, the Armenian National Committee of America is in the process of producing a film called Architects of Denial, and essentially it exposes something very disturbing among those who we have elected leaders and trusted to represent us - due to a lot of kickback money coming from the Turkish Government (more so now with that madman Erdogan in office) many of our duly-elected Congressional "leaders" (I use that term very loosely and very facetiously) have opposed measures to recognize April 24th as "Armenian Martyrs Day." As a matter of fact, they are so fearful of losing their Turkish bankrollers that they can be openly hostile about the facts and their blatant denial of them. The film highlights two in particular - both liberal Democrats (big surprise there!) - and I am going to call them out here as well too. Let's talk about these hypocritical "Progressives" who collect their salaries at the expense of hardworking taxpayers in their states a little.
The first one I want to mention is Eddie Bernice Johnson, who is Democratic Representitive from Texas. Johnson has been in office 24 years (since 1993), and her track record has been one of race-bating, catering to the homosexual activist lobby, and supposedly setting up "scholarships" for underprivileged kids in her Congressional district, but the "underprivileged" it turns out are her own family members and friends! Oh yes - she is the caliber of leader we want, right? In Architects of Denial, she is approached on camera by the narrator of the film, and when confronted about the Armenian Genocide, she outright says she doesn't believe it happened (she ironically sounds like a Klucker or the late White Supremacist William Pierce - author of The Turner Diaries - who denies the reality of the Holocaust). She is clearly one of the leeches that needs to be included in Trump's "Drain the Swamp" campaign, and to be honest, her callousness should have her flushed down a loo somewhere. But, she is one of many, as there are others. (information taken from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Bernice_Johnson - accessed 4/25/2017)
Race-bater and Genocide denier Congressional leech, Eddie Bernice Johnson
The second Congressional Progressive leech is even more appalling, as this man is supposed to be a Holocaust recognition advocate and is Jewish by heritage. Jews and Armenians should in reality be natural allies, but often people like this next person have hurt that relationship, and it shames me as a person of Hebraic heritage myself. The man in question is Tennessee Representitive Steve Cohen, also a liberal Democrat, and his general behavior and attitude in regard to the issue of the Armenian Genocide is nothing short of appalling. Steve Cohen likes to tout himself as being the "first Jewish senator from Tennessee," as if that is a big accomplishment or something - the "progressive" win over the "oppressive and backward" South. A little history lesson might be something Mr. Cohen needs though, for in reality the "oppressive, racist" South of the Civil War era treated Jews better than did the "enlightened" North - Grant banned them from serving in his army, but Jeff Davis appointed capable Jewish leaders to his cabinet in the Confederate Government (that is something you will not see in "enlightened" progressive history books!). Much like the rest of the "Loonie Lefties" in Congress, Cohen advances a very liberal agenda of funding the killing of unborn children, sanctioning "same-sex marriage" as a mandatory requirement, and he has even went against his own people in his dastardly treason against the nation of Israel. He also advocates the legalization of marijuana, and while supporting the preservation of spotted owls, he is stone-silent when it comes to Assyrian Christians being slaughtered by ISIS in the Middle East in recent years. This all explains his position on the Armenian Genocide, when confronted with it in the film. In an earlier press conference from 2008, he even became physically aggressive with an Armenian filmmaker, Peter Mursurlian, when Mursurlian confronted him with questions about why he is supporting the Turkish lobby - he claims to be supporting "good US/Turkey relations," and the "official" position he has for doing so is that recognizing the Genocide would "damage" US relations with Turkey. Funny; I wonder if he would be that charitable with the Germans if the scenario were different? The difference, however, is that the Germans owned up to their history, and Germany since WWII has sought to redeem itself; Turkey refuses to do the same. Yet, Mr. Cohen (who shames his own name, which represents the rich heritage of the Levitical priesthood, which some of his ancestors - who are probably turning over in their graves now - came from) doesn't seem to grasp facts. However, to people like Cohen, murdering innocents (whether Armenians, Assyrians, Serbs, unborn babies lost to the knives of Planned Parenthood butchers, etc.) means little as long as his own position is secure. This is why the man is sick. (Information from this section taken from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Cohen - accessed 4/25/2017).
Congressional leech and traitor of his own people, Tennessee Representitive Steve Cohen
The greed, self-serving butt-kissing, and shamelessness of people like Johnson and Cohen (and I would add Pelosi, Reed, Schumer, the late Ted Kennedy, the late Robert Byrd, Lahey, and on the Republican side, Paul Ryan and Joni Ernst) has made America a laughing-stock in the eyes of the world. Putin mocks us, Israel is stung over and over by us, and the Islamists plot against us, and they have compliant puppets with people like Cohen, Johnson, and so many others. One day though, the voice of millions of Armenians, Greeks, Assyrians, and others will rise in judgment against these sorry excuses for leadership, and God help them on that day! Until that day though, we can pretty much expect the same level of chicanery and ineffectual leadership we see in people like this, and therefore it is up to those of us on the grassroots level to recognize and get the message out about the Armenians. It is also up to us to remember the evils of the Holocaust, as innocent Jews were killed by another group of "progressives" not unlike some Democrats in Congress called Nazis.
I want to now include an excerpt from my good friend, actress, and activist Rosie Malek Yonan's lengthy autobiographical novel, The Crimson Field (Verdugo City, CA: Pearlida Publishing, 2005). Rosie is a fairly well-known actress who has appeared in many popular shows (she played the neighbor "Mrs. Phil" on Seinfeld as well as a Bajoran engineer on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine). However, despite her tremendous talent as a great Assyrian-American actress, Rosie is also passionate about the plight of her people, and she has advocated tirelessly for them over the past several years. Rosie and I don't agree on every issue, but she is a dear friend and I have the utmost love and respect for her as a person, and I will always stand with her as she advocates for her people. In the book, on page 380 of her novel, Rosie describes in great detail what many Armenians, Assyrians, and Greeks went through during that violent time of history, and here is what she writes on page 380:
The Turks began seizing clothing, money, jewelry, and whatever else they could tear off the Assyrian corpses. They shot repeatedly at whoever still seemed to be breathing. A Turk bent down to pry off the two wedding rings of my husband's and mine that I wore on two fingers next to each other. The rings would not come off. He cut my hand off and took the two gold bands. Blood seeped the earth and when the earth could no longer drink, blood sat on the surface, red and thick. They tore the crucifix from the wall and took turns urinating on it. They smashed all the statues and icons in my church. The statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary toppled down the stairs. Her head rolled down the stairs and smashed into Ramsin's head. His head split open. Ramsin took the hand of his little sister Ramina. They returned home, finding their way through the firestorm. Blood came down from the eyes of the Virgin Mary statue.
Then on page 381, this ominous sentence:
A hauntingly tense hush fell onto the church. Even the birds became still with grief.
Rosie is writing this from the perspective of a character based on her grandmother, who actually survived this atrocity by escaping to Russia and eventually making her way to the US. But, it is a story that resonates with Armenian and Assyrian alike, as it details in grisly clarity the nastiness of what Islamic demonism is capable of - it is being repeated even now by the fanatics of ISIS in the Middle East. Yet, our politicians refuse to acknowledge this even happened because we don't want to "upset" the Turks. Progressive Democrats have done this before - remember World War II? Jews were initially allowed to escape Germany when Hitler was starting to enact persecution on them, but our "progressive Democrat" President at that time, Franklin Roosevelt, turned them back and they ended up being fodder for the gas chambers and mass crematories of Auschwitz and other horrible places - does Mr. Cohen in particular recall that??? That is unfortunately what happens though when you have fat-cat politicians who are more interested in boosting their own prestige instead of serving the people who voted for them, and too much of that goes on. The Armenian Genocide is a factual reality, and despite what some revisionist progressive who wants to kiss the groin of some powerful Turkish leader thinks, almost every Armenian-American today can recall at least one relative who was martyred in that atrocity. Until our leaders get it together and wise up to truth, they maybe should have a reduction in their salaries and possibly some impeachment proceedings should be recommended against these leeches. A little time out among us "common folk" may give them the education they lack. One can always dream....
Much more could be said about this, but the more important thing is that there are many martyrs to commemorate, innocent people of Greek, Armenian, and Assyrian heritage senselessly slaughtered for the crime of being who they are. This same week is also Holocaust Remembrance as well, and may the victims of places such as Auschwitz, Treblinka, and other hell-holes of death be commemorated as well, and may a sense of shame come over people such as Steve Cohen for being a traitor to his own people - Lord have mercy on his soul and the other wretches like him. If people would treat the Armenian Genocide with the same recognition they do with commemorating a criminal like Trayvon Martin, the Turks would be forced to face up to what they did and the pressure on their government would bring fast recognition. But, with a bunch of self-serving parasites in Congress in undeserved places of leadership, it will take a miracle of God to change things. Good thing is, God is still in the miracle-making business, and He hears the blood of the innocent crying even if our politicians are too dumb and deaf to. That is the hope in all of this. God bless until next time.
Friday, January 20, 2017
A New Chapter
This blog post is a little different - it is the first I have written outside of Florida, and with good reason. We are no longer in Florida! On New Year's Eve, I spent the majority of the day hauling many heavy boxes into a 16-foot Penske truck, and at around 8:30 that night we pulled out of our driveway in Lakeland, FL, for the last time and headed east on Interstate 4 before turning north on I-95, and by the time 2017 dawned, we were north of Jacksonville heading out of the state. Our New Year's began with waking up in a motel room in South Carolina - myself, Barb, my 70-year-old mother, and our three cats in tow with a Penske truck parked outside - and by that evening we were pulling into Martinsburg, WV, at the Super 8, which was to be our home for the next week. Then came Friday the following week - we got a nice rental home in Hagerstown, MD, and I spent Friday night and early Saturday morning, in 11-degree weather with snow on the ground, unloading many, heavy boxes. It is now two weeks later, and exposure to the cold has given me a nasty cold I am still recovering from, we are sleeping still on an air mattress temporarily which tends to deflate at least a couple of times a night, and we are still unpacking those many, heavy boxes. Yet, no regrets - we are now where we are supposed to be, and a new chapter in our lives is opening up for us, and there is a lot to look forward to.
Up until December 31, 2016, I had lived in Florida for 27 years - I went down there right out of high school back in 1989 to start college, finished my degree, got married, and we lived there in three cities ever since. A lot of good things happened for us there, but to be honest, we were supposed to have been out of Florida over 20 years ago but failed to take the opportunity. However, now we finally listened, and although a lot of sacrifice has been made with this move, it was something that needed to happen. So far, the new digs have not been without their challenges - it took almost 2 weeks to get internet service, and we still need to get the majority of our furniture while my new office is basically taken on the resemblance of an Amazon warehouse - books piled all over the place, and about 13 inches to get in the door. But, all in good timing. Being sick with a nasty cold (never sweat and engage in heavy labor in 11-degree weather, for it will come back on you with a vengeance!) has complicated things somewhat, but the good thing is that I already had my job with me, and I continue working too. Our new place is a mobile home in a very nice lot outside of Hagerstown, and it is neat, quiet, and I believe is going to be a great place to live. One of the first things I noticed the first morning we were here was the sound of a flock of Canadian geese that have established their own little community in the pond down the street from the house - in Florida we had the ibises and sandhill cranes, and here we have Canadian geese. That is endearing though, as I love birds and they will be an aesthetic pleasure to enjoy while living here. We have also spent the week establishing ourselves too - a new bank for me, two addresses (our physical address in Hagerstown, and a P.O. Box in Martinsburg just over the Potomac), and getting in on all the savings and perks clubs at the local supermarkets (Weis, Martin's, Shop and Save, and a neat gourmet grocery store in Frederick called Wegman's where I can still get my coveted blood oranges!), as well as getting established at our new Anglican parish in Frederick. So far, we are getting off to a slow but good start, although I will be very grateful when we can get rid of that infernal air mattress for good and actually sleep on a real bed again!
This is the most dramatic new chapter we have embarked on in many years, and there is a lot to anticipate, be excited about, and even fear a little, but God is in it - God's role is the one thing I am absolutely certain about, and He wants us here for a reason. So, here we are. Now, just stay tuned as the chapter starts to write itself, and I will be telling more in the near future. Happy New Year to all my readers.
Up until December 31, 2016, I had lived in Florida for 27 years - I went down there right out of high school back in 1989 to start college, finished my degree, got married, and we lived there in three cities ever since. A lot of good things happened for us there, but to be honest, we were supposed to have been out of Florida over 20 years ago but failed to take the opportunity. However, now we finally listened, and although a lot of sacrifice has been made with this move, it was something that needed to happen. So far, the new digs have not been without their challenges - it took almost 2 weeks to get internet service, and we still need to get the majority of our furniture while my new office is basically taken on the resemblance of an Amazon warehouse - books piled all over the place, and about 13 inches to get in the door. But, all in good timing. Being sick with a nasty cold (never sweat and engage in heavy labor in 11-degree weather, for it will come back on you with a vengeance!) has complicated things somewhat, but the good thing is that I already had my job with me, and I continue working too. Our new place is a mobile home in a very nice lot outside of Hagerstown, and it is neat, quiet, and I believe is going to be a great place to live. One of the first things I noticed the first morning we were here was the sound of a flock of Canadian geese that have established their own little community in the pond down the street from the house - in Florida we had the ibises and sandhill cranes, and here we have Canadian geese. That is endearing though, as I love birds and they will be an aesthetic pleasure to enjoy while living here. We have also spent the week establishing ourselves too - a new bank for me, two addresses (our physical address in Hagerstown, and a P.O. Box in Martinsburg just over the Potomac), and getting in on all the savings and perks clubs at the local supermarkets (Weis, Martin's, Shop and Save, and a neat gourmet grocery store in Frederick called Wegman's where I can still get my coveted blood oranges!), as well as getting established at our new Anglican parish in Frederick. So far, we are getting off to a slow but good start, although I will be very grateful when we can get rid of that infernal air mattress for good and actually sleep on a real bed again!
This is the most dramatic new chapter we have embarked on in many years, and there is a lot to anticipate, be excited about, and even fear a little, but God is in it - God's role is the one thing I am absolutely certain about, and He wants us here for a reason. So, here we are. Now, just stay tuned as the chapter starts to write itself, and I will be telling more in the near future. Happy New Year to all my readers.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
End-of-Year Perspectives
As December has now arrived, and "visions of sugarplums" dance in the dreams of the children many of you reading this have as St. Nick's arrival approaches (of course, let's remember that the true reason for the season is Jesus Christ becoming man to redeem us), it is time for my own yearly retrospective on the past year. It has been a year of many transitions, and also of the opening of a very exciting new chapter for Barb and myself, and I will not waste any more time with drawn-out introductions (sort of like the zillions of commercials you see during the season premiere of your favorite shows, right?) and get to the news.
A New Chapter
2016 opened on a very tumultuous note for us last year, as we almost lost our house and things were a real mess. But, when man has disappointments, God makes appointments, and we were on his schedule this year in a very big way! 2016, which opened in chaos, was also the setting for one of the most dramatic miracles we had seen in our lives. When we were about to lose our house last year, God intervened by putting it on his people's hearts to help us, and the overwhelming love and support we received from family members, our friends, our church folks, and even our bishop, was something that we still marvel at almost a year later. However, that miraculous turn of events in our lives also entailed a revelation - God was also telling us it was time to move on, and we began preparing to do something I never thought I would do, but it is turning out to be one of the best decisions we have made, and God was with us every step. Let me explain that.
Barb came to Florida in 1984, which means she has been down here 32 years of her life. I came down here to attend college in 1989, which makes 27 years for me. At one time, we were meant to be here, but over the past 20 or so years it is as if something has been missing for us. Although those years had their highlights, it was as if we had that voice in the back of our minds saying "you don't belong here any more - it is time to move on." Temporal success and an unwillingness to move out of our comfort zones (complacency - I ain't too proud to say so!) kept us here far past our welcome, and it took almost getting our butts tossed into the street to make us finally listen to that still small voice and what it was saying. When you are brought to a place in your life where you have no other options, you start listening to those convictions you ignore, and thankfully for us we did. Back around the first week of January, both Barb and I were unable to sleep one night due to this restlessness we felt, and so we just sat up and talked. We both knew that it was time to go forward into the next chapter of our lives, but were not sure what that was to be - actually, we probably did know, but refused to face up to the facts. So, as we talked about it, we decided it was time for us to get the hell out of Florida, as it was as if since we have been here, we had been in a cycle of frustration and not getting anywhere. As we talked, we both came to the same conclusion as to where we needed to go, and boy, was that an unexpected revelation! The answer we got was to move back to where my roots are, close to West Virginia - maybe not in West Virginia, but close. When we came to accept this, for the first time in many years we both were at peace, and we began to plot the course to make it happen. We weren't sure when the move would take place, but we knew we were to make the move. So, the planning began, and over the course of this whole year it has been a progressive thing.
The first thing that happened was when we met with the bishop of our Mid-Atlantic Diocese, Bishop Donald Lerow. Bishop Lerow, in addition to being the bishop of DMAS, also pastors a parish in North Carolina, and when at the DOS Synod this year, we got to sit down and talk with Bishop Lerow about West Virginia. Being part of a small Continuing Anglican jurisdiction called the Anglican Catholic Church, we do not have any current parish work in the state of West Virginia at all, and when we mentioned to Bishop Lerow that we were moving to the area and may be interested in pioneering work in my home state, he got ecstatic and glowingly told us that West Virginia had been in his prayers for many years, and then we began talking. I had been struggling with a calling for many years, and finally listened when the opportunity arose for me to be ordained to the permanent diaconate in our Church. Any rate, we came back from Synod that May, and all was quiet for about a month until sometime in June I got an email from Debbie Weaver, Bishop Lerow's secretary, with the application paperwork to initiate preparation for Holy Orders. So, as I began filling that out, and submitting the supporting documentation, things went pretty quietly through the rest of the summer until about mid-August, when I got this summons from Bishop Lerow to appear before their diocesan Commission on Ministry (the first step in the process after filing paperwork). That meant a really short-notice trip to Alexandria, VA, the following week, and of course resources were a bit scarce, but then God moved again - a few days before we left, two envelopes arrived in the mail, one for me and one for Barb. It turns out that we had won a small class-action settlement involving our Verizon accounts, and we were both awarded checks of around $169 each, which financed the trip! This was yet another sign that God was in the midst of our plans, and that we were at the right place at the right time. I got to Alexandria, and had a very pleasant interview with the Commission on Ministry, which consisted of roughly 12 people (6 clergy and six laity). I was accepted into the formation program as an aspirant, and after a couple of other items are taken care of, I will be in full postulancy probably sometime at the beginning of next year if all falls into place. Again, God's timing was perfect, and all fell into place.
As the year progressed, it became evident that we really needed to focus on an area to live, and after some research and deliberation we began to zone in on the Cumberland, MD, area. Cumberland is the ideal location for what we need to do - it is within reasonable distance of everything we need access to, and it is very affordable to live there. Therefore, we began to research properties to look at there, and as of this coming week we have a scouting mission for a couple of days to secure the house we will be settling in. And, that entails yet another miraculous intervention. My sister-in-law in Indiana, who is a very sweet-natured lady, recently came through a very nasty divorce with her ex, and from it she received a substantial settlement that she was able to get at just the time she needed it too. When she learned of our plans, she offered to spot us what we needed for our moving expenses, and being our income is tied up in our living expenses, that itself was an answer to prayer. She was true to her word, and this week we got a check from her for what we needed, and that was a huge blessing as well. It is of course a loan, but still a blessing. All this being in place, we are set to move now by December 17th, and at this time we are in the midst of packing and organizing everything, this amidst school and work for me. But, it is coming along nicely, and I cannot be happier.
Suffice to say, this will be the last thing I write from the state of Florida, as 2017 will be written from our new home, far away from here, and will herald the start of a new chapter.
Working and Studying
2016 was a blessing to us in another way, as God has provided continuous employment for the entire year for us. At the end of 2015, I got a call from my old agency, Randstad, about a Communications Associate job which opened up at the corporate offices of Publix Supermarkets, and I was a perfect fit for the job. I interviewed with Dena Gregory and Ana Veteto, the two ladies who would be my manager and supervisor respectively, and within a couple of days I was told I had the job, which I started on January 12th. I managed to stay there into mid-October, although my hours were reduced somewhat in the summer, but it was a good experience - both Ana and Dena, as well as my co-workers, were great people to work with, and Publix has a good working environment. But, God was still at work, and after looking at the job postings my university had on its website, there was an opening for a company called Web4U Corporation, which is based in Atlanta, for a Remote Assistant. The owner of the company, Michael Tigue (who is a fellow alumnus of my university) hired me on, and I have been working since. However, the best part of the job is I work at home - I have a set schedule, and essentially what I do is research denominational websites to gather contact data on churches for a database he is building. It is not work that will get me in the Fortune 500, but I am happy with it and it is perfect for my study schedule as well. My job will also be moving north with us soon, which means I may be there for a long time, Lord willing.
As for school, it is hard to believe that in less than a year I will have my MACE finally! Being at Franciscan University has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and there is just so much good stuff I have learned and have been able to apply practically. My program finishes in the Summer 2017 term, which means I have about 8 months of school left before I have a Master's degree. It will, of course, be a busy eight months, as at the end of the program I have to take a comprehensive exam of all the material I had over my tenure, but I plan on starting that early. Any way I look at it, the future is busy.
Church Work This Year
It is no doubt that the Anglican Catholic Church is my home now, and it is a great communion to be part of. Our involvement with our local parish, St. Mary's in Winter Haven, FL, has been quite entailing. For the majority of the year, I taught a parish Bible study on Sunday mornings on Genesis, and I was also able to post the lessons on Sacramental Present Truths, all 38 of them! With the upcoming move, the Bible study concluded on October 16th, but I plan on publishing another series on the Creeds after we get all moved in and settled. Our parish is small, it struggles, yet it stays strong - some have passed away this past year, we have one man who was incarcerated for a while, and another of our elderly members got to the point that she had to move to North Carolina with her daughter, and she will be greatly missed. Also, there is still no full-time vicar as of yet, even though Fr. Guy is doing a fantastic job of flying down from Indiana at least once a month to celebrate Mass for us - as an attorney, he has a taxing schedule, and it is a real labor of love for him to do this as faithfully as he has, and the parish is really blessed to have a dedicated vicar like him. With our moving away, it remains to be seen how things will play out for St. Mary's, but they are a tough little parish - they have survived over 30 years now, and it seems that they find a way to keep going even when membership fluctuates. So, I anticipate good things for them as well. I was able to also serve several times by leading the parish in the Morning Prayer Office, and although I was a little iffy about doing that at first, it has become much easier to do as I practice it more. Upon our move, our new parish will be St. Michael's in Frederick, MD, where the priest there, Fr. Pothin Ngyele, will be my supervising priest as I prepare for the permanent diaconate. St. Michael's will be sort of our base for working in West Virginia, where I already have the potential of two nursing homes to perform chaplaincy duties (one of them is in Virginia, and is owned by a dear friend of mine I have known since childhood, a sweet lady).
A New Chapter
2016 opened on a very tumultuous note for us last year, as we almost lost our house and things were a real mess. But, when man has disappointments, God makes appointments, and we were on his schedule this year in a very big way! 2016, which opened in chaos, was also the setting for one of the most dramatic miracles we had seen in our lives. When we were about to lose our house last year, God intervened by putting it on his people's hearts to help us, and the overwhelming love and support we received from family members, our friends, our church folks, and even our bishop, was something that we still marvel at almost a year later. However, that miraculous turn of events in our lives also entailed a revelation - God was also telling us it was time to move on, and we began preparing to do something I never thought I would do, but it is turning out to be one of the best decisions we have made, and God was with us every step. Let me explain that.
Barb came to Florida in 1984, which means she has been down here 32 years of her life. I came down here to attend college in 1989, which makes 27 years for me. At one time, we were meant to be here, but over the past 20 or so years it is as if something has been missing for us. Although those years had their highlights, it was as if we had that voice in the back of our minds saying "you don't belong here any more - it is time to move on." Temporal success and an unwillingness to move out of our comfort zones (complacency - I ain't too proud to say so!) kept us here far past our welcome, and it took almost getting our butts tossed into the street to make us finally listen to that still small voice and what it was saying. When you are brought to a place in your life where you have no other options, you start listening to those convictions you ignore, and thankfully for us we did. Back around the first week of January, both Barb and I were unable to sleep one night due to this restlessness we felt, and so we just sat up and talked. We both knew that it was time to go forward into the next chapter of our lives, but were not sure what that was to be - actually, we probably did know, but refused to face up to the facts. So, as we talked about it, we decided it was time for us to get the hell out of Florida, as it was as if since we have been here, we had been in a cycle of frustration and not getting anywhere. As we talked, we both came to the same conclusion as to where we needed to go, and boy, was that an unexpected revelation! The answer we got was to move back to where my roots are, close to West Virginia - maybe not in West Virginia, but close. When we came to accept this, for the first time in many years we both were at peace, and we began to plot the course to make it happen. We weren't sure when the move would take place, but we knew we were to make the move. So, the planning began, and over the course of this whole year it has been a progressive thing.
The first thing that happened was when we met with the bishop of our Mid-Atlantic Diocese, Bishop Donald Lerow. Bishop Lerow, in addition to being the bishop of DMAS, also pastors a parish in North Carolina, and when at the DOS Synod this year, we got to sit down and talk with Bishop Lerow about West Virginia. Being part of a small Continuing Anglican jurisdiction called the Anglican Catholic Church, we do not have any current parish work in the state of West Virginia at all, and when we mentioned to Bishop Lerow that we were moving to the area and may be interested in pioneering work in my home state, he got ecstatic and glowingly told us that West Virginia had been in his prayers for many years, and then we began talking. I had been struggling with a calling for many years, and finally listened when the opportunity arose for me to be ordained to the permanent diaconate in our Church. Any rate, we came back from Synod that May, and all was quiet for about a month until sometime in June I got an email from Debbie Weaver, Bishop Lerow's secretary, with the application paperwork to initiate preparation for Holy Orders. So, as I began filling that out, and submitting the supporting documentation, things went pretty quietly through the rest of the summer until about mid-August, when I got this summons from Bishop Lerow to appear before their diocesan Commission on Ministry (the first step in the process after filing paperwork). That meant a really short-notice trip to Alexandria, VA, the following week, and of course resources were a bit scarce, but then God moved again - a few days before we left, two envelopes arrived in the mail, one for me and one for Barb. It turns out that we had won a small class-action settlement involving our Verizon accounts, and we were both awarded checks of around $169 each, which financed the trip! This was yet another sign that God was in the midst of our plans, and that we were at the right place at the right time. I got to Alexandria, and had a very pleasant interview with the Commission on Ministry, which consisted of roughly 12 people (6 clergy and six laity). I was accepted into the formation program as an aspirant, and after a couple of other items are taken care of, I will be in full postulancy probably sometime at the beginning of next year if all falls into place. Again, God's timing was perfect, and all fell into place.
As the year progressed, it became evident that we really needed to focus on an area to live, and after some research and deliberation we began to zone in on the Cumberland, MD, area. Cumberland is the ideal location for what we need to do - it is within reasonable distance of everything we need access to, and it is very affordable to live there. Therefore, we began to research properties to look at there, and as of this coming week we have a scouting mission for a couple of days to secure the house we will be settling in. And, that entails yet another miraculous intervention. My sister-in-law in Indiana, who is a very sweet-natured lady, recently came through a very nasty divorce with her ex, and from it she received a substantial settlement that she was able to get at just the time she needed it too. When she learned of our plans, she offered to spot us what we needed for our moving expenses, and being our income is tied up in our living expenses, that itself was an answer to prayer. She was true to her word, and this week we got a check from her for what we needed, and that was a huge blessing as well. It is of course a loan, but still a blessing. All this being in place, we are set to move now by December 17th, and at this time we are in the midst of packing and organizing everything, this amidst school and work for me. But, it is coming along nicely, and I cannot be happier.
Suffice to say, this will be the last thing I write from the state of Florida, as 2017 will be written from our new home, far away from here, and will herald the start of a new chapter.
Working and Studying
2016 was a blessing to us in another way, as God has provided continuous employment for the entire year for us. At the end of 2015, I got a call from my old agency, Randstad, about a Communications Associate job which opened up at the corporate offices of Publix Supermarkets, and I was a perfect fit for the job. I interviewed with Dena Gregory and Ana Veteto, the two ladies who would be my manager and supervisor respectively, and within a couple of days I was told I had the job, which I started on January 12th. I managed to stay there into mid-October, although my hours were reduced somewhat in the summer, but it was a good experience - both Ana and Dena, as well as my co-workers, were great people to work with, and Publix has a good working environment. But, God was still at work, and after looking at the job postings my university had on its website, there was an opening for a company called Web4U Corporation, which is based in Atlanta, for a Remote Assistant. The owner of the company, Michael Tigue (who is a fellow alumnus of my university) hired me on, and I have been working since. However, the best part of the job is I work at home - I have a set schedule, and essentially what I do is research denominational websites to gather contact data on churches for a database he is building. It is not work that will get me in the Fortune 500, but I am happy with it and it is perfect for my study schedule as well. My job will also be moving north with us soon, which means I may be there for a long time, Lord willing.
As for school, it is hard to believe that in less than a year I will have my MACE finally! Being at Franciscan University has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and there is just so much good stuff I have learned and have been able to apply practically. My program finishes in the Summer 2017 term, which means I have about 8 months of school left before I have a Master's degree. It will, of course, be a busy eight months, as at the end of the program I have to take a comprehensive exam of all the material I had over my tenure, but I plan on starting that early. Any way I look at it, the future is busy.
Church Work This Year
It is no doubt that the Anglican Catholic Church is my home now, and it is a great communion to be part of. Our involvement with our local parish, St. Mary's in Winter Haven, FL, has been quite entailing. For the majority of the year, I taught a parish Bible study on Sunday mornings on Genesis, and I was also able to post the lessons on Sacramental Present Truths, all 38 of them! With the upcoming move, the Bible study concluded on October 16th, but I plan on publishing another series on the Creeds after we get all moved in and settled. Our parish is small, it struggles, yet it stays strong - some have passed away this past year, we have one man who was incarcerated for a while, and another of our elderly members got to the point that she had to move to North Carolina with her daughter, and she will be greatly missed. Also, there is still no full-time vicar as of yet, even though Fr. Guy is doing a fantastic job of flying down from Indiana at least once a month to celebrate Mass for us - as an attorney, he has a taxing schedule, and it is a real labor of love for him to do this as faithfully as he has, and the parish is really blessed to have a dedicated vicar like him. With our moving away, it remains to be seen how things will play out for St. Mary's, but they are a tough little parish - they have survived over 30 years now, and it seems that they find a way to keep going even when membership fluctuates. So, I anticipate good things for them as well. I was able to also serve several times by leading the parish in the Morning Prayer Office, and although I was a little iffy about doing that at first, it has become much easier to do as I practice it more. Upon our move, our new parish will be St. Michael's in Frederick, MD, where the priest there, Fr. Pothin Ngyele, will be my supervising priest as I prepare for the permanent diaconate. St. Michael's will be sort of our base for working in West Virginia, where I already have the potential of two nursing homes to perform chaplaincy duties (one of them is in Virginia, and is owned by a dear friend of mine I have known since childhood, a sweet lady).
St. Michael's Anglican Catholic Church, Frederick, MD - our future parish home
Interior, St. Michael's, with Fr. Pothin celebrating Mass
My church work will probably be more pronounced as we begin to integrate into St. Michael's, and in time when I start to do parish work in my home state of West Virginia, and that is all part of God's plan as well. It is a sign of many great things to come.
Other Things
The tragic news this year was the loss of our little female tuxedo cat Oreo. Oreo became part of our family when she was a little kitten back in 2001, as Barbara surprised me with her as an early birthday present that year. Although she was a bit temperamental (I often compared her to the cartoon character Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs, as she could have a similar personality), she also was clearly my cat, and I adored her. She was getting very old though, and she became sick at around Christmas time last year, and not long after we lost her. She currently is resting outside our house in a nice little grave I laid her in, beside her sister Isis who passed away back in 2012. We also had some issues too this year with our Snowshoe Siamese, KitKat, who had almost lost all his hair and he also was having issues with vomiting profusely all over the house (a big mess we still deal with). However, he has overall recovered nicely, grew back his hair, and if his vomiting would get under control, he'd be perfect. It should prove fun trying to move him with his little brother and sister some 1200 miles north in a couple of weeks!
Our Oreo (2001-2016)
That essentially wraps up my reflections on the year, and I am hoping that next year will be as blessed and busy as this one. Have a good holiday, and if you are one of the few people who love fruitcake, eat sparingly! Also, remember why we celebrate the season too, as we owe a lot to the God who came to us, gave His life, and then conquered death to save us, so that we might be where God has intended us to be.
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